It seems to me that, and there is no judgment in this statement, that all the worry and concern and just being new at it all are making everything worse and harder. I really feel for your wife; she's so obviously trying her damn best to do everything right and figure it all out and fix it. But, here's what I'm seeing after reading the whole thread so far:
Expectations are way off- You mention she only gets a few ounces at pumping sessions. That's completely normal! That is not a failure! It's OK! Also, I'm not sure why she's been pumping all this time anyway, when she wasn't at work. Really, if she was set on breastfeeding, the best thing to do is just nurse, nurse, nurse. If the lactation consultant said baby's latch is fine, then, just nurse. Yes baby will fall asleep. When they are tiny, you wake 'em up and let them nurse more. They get better at not falling asleep instantly, but they still fall asleep when nursing for a good, long time. Yes, that means she spends most of her time just nursing. It's OK, it's how it is in the beginning. That's how they get good at it, it's how they grow, it actually sets you up for easier times in the long run. Yes it sucks, Yes sometimes it would be easier to just give a bottle of formula, but that really just interferes with nursing, with milk supply, with hunger vs. milk output, nipple preference for baby, amount of food vs. the amount of work it takes to get it expectations on baby's end. Supplementing (if it's not medically necessary) actually makes so much more work in the long run. It starts a whole cycle of "not being good at nursing." It's hard to get the nursing just right, but it's not forever.
-Lots of babies are fussy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything terrible, a problem that needs to be fixed. They get better. Just nurse them and try a million different ways to soothe them until you find one that works. I can't even tell you all the crazy things we did. We had to run the vacuum, when no vacuum available, run water. We had to wear her and march around. We had to hold her in certain positions and swing her just so. We sang, we bounced, we patted, we swayed. Sometimes she just cried anyway. I say she because this was my daughter. My son was easy and never fussed. Who knows why? They all come with their own stuff.
I really think if your wife could fix the breastfeeding relationship by dedicating herself to nursing and leaving the formula alone that would solve most of your problems. I'm sure she's worried about having enough for when she goes back to work, but it really will be easier if you can get the breastfeeding solid before she goes. I think you guys are making it harder with the supplementing and the dietary restrictions. Stop the formula, stop the pumping, stop any bottles. Sit on the couch and nurse all friggen' day, and eat and drink, and nurse some more. Not fun, but it works. And the long-term payoff is worth it.
I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD is better than reading the book, IMO) for soothing strategies, and also, like your annoying brother-in-law, to chill out. ;) But mostly, to nurse and nurse only.