The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: jeromedawg on September 13, 2015, 06:34:15 PM
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Whether it's breastfeeding (which is the current dilemma my wife is in - not seemingly producing enough and feeling like she may need to supplement with formula) to how well/much the baby sleeps at night. My wife is discouraged because it just seems like quite a few people haven't really had these issues; I know it's not something to feel bad about and I'm sure I'm gonna hear "It's never actually what people make it out to be" etc but it really sucks. I guess this is part of the whole postpartum depression thing... or adds onto it if anything. The whole [lack of] breast milk supply is really a revelation to us - either a lot of our friends aren't telling us something (out of shame maybe?) or they all have an abundant supply of flowing milk... *confused* I guess it's sort of a private thing for most people, but for something that can affect someone as much as this, I think it's good to share these disappointments and expectations and to be up front with anyone else who is an expecting mother.
Again, just another rant as a new/first-time parent.
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So sorry to hear.
I too was a slow starter, but I did catch up fairly quickly. Milk is a supply/demand thing, so frequent short nursing may help. Both times I supplemented for a while, and I remember how discouraged I was.
Have you consulted with anyone? If not, a lactation consultant or La Leche League could be helpful.
On a general note, I found that most folks either didn't remember or didn't discuss most of the challenges around newborns. I had plenty of adjustments to make, and the whole thing was really overwhelming, especially with my second one.
And congrats on the baby.
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I had issues.....but we worked through it.
Breastfeeding support groups are great, especially if you can get a pre/post feed weight check to reassure her.
Why does she think she has a lack of supply...and is she feeding on demand (the science backs up on demand feedings).
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Contact a lactation consultant for help with the breastfeeding issues. You are very much not alone. I've heard so many horror stories related to early parenthood (and breastfeeding in particular) that it's really a wonder that I decided to reproduce at all. You and your wife are not failing, and you will get though it.
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My wife/child "failed" breastfeeding in 2011. My wife took a class, met with lactation nurses in the hospital and borrowed an extremely expensive breast pump from the hospital - but no luck. The supply wasn't there.
Fast forward to 2015 and the same thing happened with our second child.
If it makes you feel any better, we know two women who are MDs and both decided to formula feed.
Our son thrived on formula.
Parents will have thousands of choices to make with regard to their kids. You're not going to win every battle - if your wife can't breastfeed, it's no big deal.
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To me this post reads as more than a request for help with BF and sleep... You sound overwhelmed. Find resources. A sounding board, an outlet, perhaps a babysitter. You have to keep the whole family well - not just the newbie. I didn't truly understand this with my first. But it is so very true.
As.for the breastfeeding. And sleep. The best advice I got was to ignore the clock. Feed on demand, round the clock, and see what happens. Babies don't read books, they don't know how they are supposed to act.
If there are concerns about serious issues, find a lactation consultant and get help. If the first consultant you see isn't useful, ask her to refer you to a more experienced LC.
(Also, keep in mind that although many moms feel like they have low supply, they usually have adequate breastmilk... But there are techniques to make supply & demand match smoother. Kellymom.com is a great website in case you haven't found it yet..).
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Great news! All those parents who make everything look so easy with their perfect, easy baby with good sleep routine and a strong natural latch will get a second baby who will fuck. them. up. by not sleeping for 2 years and plummeting off the growth charts on a breastmilk diet.
Go ahead, ask me how I know. Hubris is a dangerous thing in the parenting game.
Try not to worry too much about other parents if possible. Some people take to nursing very naturally. Some women make too MUCH milk and firehose their baby, leading to problems. Some women do everything including mechanical pumping and never make enough milk for their infants. Some babies sleep through the night from week 2. Most don't. Some, like mine, turn 5 and are still disrupted sleepers.
The point is, no one has your exact family but you. Try not to compare. I know it's hard.
If your wife has actual PPD (and you aren't just using that as a term for post-delivery hormonal shifts) please go get that sorted out. With drugs if needed. It only gets worse - and when mamas aren't good for themselves, they're not good for anyone. Again, ask me how I know. :)
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There's a reason they say parenting is the hardest job in the world, your not alone! We just adopted a child and then found out we were pregnant so we have two boys 7 months apart! (Now 13 months and 6 months). Our oldest son was an awful sleeper until 8 months and we tried everything. Our youngest slept great since week 4 with no effort on our part. I think some parents are lucky and like to think they have a magic touch and try to give advice/brag to other parents.
As for breastfeeding, my wife is a nurse, has a friend that is a lactation consultant and still couldn't get our son to latch - she's exclusively pumped and we've supplemented - it's really nbd. Our oldest son has done just fine on formula! Your in good company, good luck and hope you get more sleep soon.
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I think it's that no one was telling you these stories. Now that you are in the club, you will start to hear more of the problems, struggles, and hilarious failures. Or at least that's what happened to us. Most people without children don't really want to hear about BF issues or poopy disasters (awkward party topics!!!) so no one tells those stories to them. Then, once expecting, no one wants to scare you out of your flippin mind with what could be. Fair enough! But yes, the struggles are real and you aren't alone in that.
For what it is worth, I couldn't BF, did the whole lactation consultant/pumping, struggled for weeks, nada. Whenever anyone tried to tell me I should have kept trying or it was something we were doing wrong, I wanted to give them a black eye. Up to and including the pediatrician and my husband. My daughter has always been amazingly healthy, has a stellar immune system, and now 3 years later it really really doesn't matter. Now when people bring up the whole "MUST BF, formula is bad" dogma I just shrug and tell them I am grateful to be living in an era where formula is an option and my daughter didn't die from malnutrition and I didn't die in childbirth. Cause that is what would have happened. That usually ends the conversation. A mental facepunch is as satisfying as a physical one!
Do what you can with the cards you have been dealt and be proud of that! And if that involves giving up BF or exclusive BF for everyone's health and sanity, do it with no guilt.
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My first one developed jaundice and addition to being very sleepy didn't want to latch. So while we were in the hospital additional days due to the jaundice treatment, I was on a every 4 hour schedule of going to a room adjacent to where she was sleeping, nursing her with pumped milk from a little tube on my pinky, practice trying to get her to latch, and then pumping some more. It was brutal, I'm sure what boot camp was. The first couple weeks I had to use this rubber thing on my nipple to help her latch, and then pump more after nursing. Throughout the nursing since I went back to work I had to pump multiple times a day to keep the milk up and also feed her when I was at work. So no, it is not some miraculous thing that happens naturally, can be hard work. I think I nursed around 8 months, but never exclusively, was always some supplementation with formula.
My 2nd child was a natural nurser, a champ from the very first time. I actually ended up weaning her sooner (around 6 months) because her teeth came in early and she started biting. At that point I was, "I'm done here."
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I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
I also really struggled with undersupply issues and despite extensive pumping in addition to nursing, never managed to exclusively BF. From week 2, I supplemented with formula, but my son also nursed until he self-weaned at about 14 months. That worked well for us. Despite all the emphasis (-es) on the benefits of BFing, truly we are fortunate to live in a place and time where there is an alternative (something that for much of history and even today, in much of the world, isn't true).
Many have suggested trying a lactation consultant and certainly that can be a big help ... I worked (briefly) with some great ones (they were the ones who had me start using formula, as they worked out via a scale and pre-/post-nursing weighing that he wasn't getting enough milk). I have also heard (though did not personally experience) stories of LCs introducing pressure to continue to BF exclusively, etc., at great stress to mom and baby ... so, I'd just make sure that if you do work with one, you know it's OK to stop if her advice is making things harder rather than easier. It is, as you've noticed, hard enough without adding any stress.
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I gave up on breastfeeding after three days with my oldest, and I have no regrets. She couldn't latch (had to have her tongue clipped). I am not sure who cried more those three days - her or me. I eventually said screw it and tried the formula they gave us at the hospital, and it was like magic. Using formula also meant that my DH could get up in the middle of the night to feed her which helped tremendously. I suffered some post-partum issues with her even though I didn't realize it at the time. She did sleep through the night at ten weeks, but she would scream if you ever put her down during the day. That get to me eventually. I remember sobbing one day because I just wanted to go to the bathroom by myself.
My youngest DD was a calmer baby, but we also chose to feed her formula, too My father died three weeks before she was born, and I just couldn't must the mental or physical energy needed for breastfeeding after the debacle with my oldest.
They are now 7 and 9 and bright and well-adjusted. Using formula and having a half-crazed mother for the first few months didn't affect them too much.
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with women (and men) who are your friends but maybe not the closest, these people will make you insane by playing Who Is Better At This? And the answer is always them, BFing fine, sleeps through the night at 3 mos, never cries, and looks like a Gerber baby. The delivery was at home in birthing bath, most amazing experience. It's a thing women tend to do to each other. Stay away from these people, it will only serve to make you feel worse.
hopefully, you two have friends and family members to whom you can say, "this part is really sucking," without judgment and they will step up to support you in whatever way you need.
I had a preemie who could not latch on for 9 weeks. He had to be fed every 2 hours using this syringe with a sharp beak on the end that looked scary. So pump, feed for over an hour with beak syringe. Take 30 minute break, set alarm clock to do this all day and all night every 2 hrs until he had reached a certain wt. I have no idea how we ever managed this. And we had to have 2 people to feed because you couldn't hold him and do the syringe properly with one hand. Ex took paternal leave without pay. Thank God they let him do that.
In my experience, the La Leche League lady made things worse, "a baby should not be fed through a syringe. So pump, put a bit of milk on a spoon and let it dribble down your breast." I stared at her, she's really suggesting I add what would probably take an extra half hour because a spoon is more natural than a syringe? WTH? My baby would starve doing it her way. She got in my face and said she's never had a baby who couldn't latch (this has to be a lie of ginormous proportions). She spent an hour making him try to latch, I explained the ped said he will probably latch when he nears his actual due date or a bit after. She said that was not true, we needed to figure out a latch. And then I said, thanks and goodbye. DS latched all of a sudden one day and we were fine. But the 9 week before that? sheer hell
things that helped:
double Medela Pump In Style- pumps fast and if your wife pumps between feeds she should get more of a supply in
Boppy pillow- lots of uses, the best thing for breast feeding
a wonderful book about not how to do the "stuff" but how to be family, that is slipping my mind
also, not breastfeeding never hurt anyone, if you guys are drop dead exhausted over this, it's ok to stop
and it's ok to bitch slap the next idiot who tells you "the secret is to sleep when the baby is sleeping".
it's also ok to not do attachment parenting
my friends and our kids all turned out fine and you cannot tell who supposedly is smarter because of breastfeeding, you can't tell who was bottle-fed, who gave birth like a mermaid, who "failed" and took the epidural and who did not wear her baby 24/7.
It feels like every decision is so major in the beginning and it is, but not all of it and it does get way better.
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Everything you've mentioned is really common (or was, in my online parents' group.) Parents are mercilessly judged and I think a lot won't admit problems for fear of being perceived as "bad" parents (because if babies are any trouble at all you must just be parenting wrong, right? *facepalm*)
It sounds like you and your wife had your baby very recently, so things like sleeping many hours straight are abnormal at this age. Baby probably needs to eat every 2-ish hours because infants have small stomachs (have you seen this graphic?)
https://babiesfirstlactation.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/the-newborns-stomach/
The stomach size descriptions helped reassure me a lot because I didn't immediately gush rivers of milk, but enough to fill an apricot-sized stomach every few hours? Yeah.
Seek out supportive, non-competitive parents and lean on each other.
Babies develop very quickly. Something bothering you for a week or two suddenly goes away because baby outgrows it. Something my DD couldn't do, eventually (and seemingly overnight) she could (nurse without a nipple shield, sleep 6+ hours overnight, etc.) What you struggle with now will likely be a distant memory in a few months.
If it ever occurs to you that your wife is trying really hard, or is a loving mother, or doing a lot for your baby, be sure to mention it and let her know you notice and appreciate her. It's easy to feel like you are failing at parenting. I felt overwhelmed caring for an infant but in retrospect I think I was doing just fine at the time.
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Just remember that nobody has the "perfect" everything... pregnancy, labor, delivery, healthy baby, breastfeeding, sleeping through the night, no colic, etc.
For us, b'feeding was super easy. Other things weren't as easy. But we worked very hard to keep up with everything, and you know what - in the end it all works out. You just have to survive the first year. Some days will suck so much that you will BEG that stupid clock to hurry up and end the day. Some days are great. Don't worry about others and their trials/tribulations. Everybody has an issue of some sort. Find peers who are going through the same stage of life and cling to the ones who are honest/normal.
To help w/ supply: cluster feed, spend a weekend w/ mom/baby cuddled skin-to-skin in bed, eat oatmeal cookies (google lactation cookies recipe, these are heavenly and work great!).
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Did your wife have a C-section? One thing they often forget to tell you is that after a C-section, sometimes the milk comes in late, sometimes not at all.
I think about half the mothers I know managed to make it work. The statistics are that in the US, only 77% ever breastfeed. Some of those who don't are adoptions etc., but a lot of them are people who just couldn't make it work or who just didn't want to. And the number still breastfeeding at 6 months is much lower. That's fine. People have all kinds of challenges and situations. They make it sound as if, if your baby's not breastfed, he's going to become a pale and unhealthy overweight serial killer who can't do math and who will never eat anywhere but McDonald's. This is complete nonsense.
Parenting is all about trying to do a good enough job while having the steely determination to ignore all the "shoulds" that the world throws at you, no matter what choices you make.
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I think it's good to share these disappointments and expectations and to be up front with anyone else who is an expecting mother.
Amen! I make a point to never tell people how wonderfully, magically mothering is. Especially newborns!
However, when telling people the truth, I have had people tell me they don't want to hear negative experiences, and that most likely won't happen to them. (A) It not a negative, it's truthful AND has a happy ending, so hear me out:) (B) How fabulous that, that won't happen to you. Don't call me when it does. (Kidding, I'm always willing to help).
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Thanks guys! Tons of useful info here. I'll have to get my wife reading through the thread for tips, ideas, advice and encouragement :)
This was a natural birth but it was also the first time, so I think getting the hang of BFing and latching properly was pretty hard. All I know is that our kid seems to be hungry all the time - dunno if that means he's not getting enough or if he's really just hungrier than he should be. We may go ahead with seeing a lactation consultant to get a better idea of what's going on. We gave him formula for the first time earlier tonight (2oz) and he chugged all of it... crazy kid. He's lights out for now :T
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You are not alone.
Please find a breastfeeding/LLL consultant in your area, if only just so you have a shoulder to cry on. Don't isolate yourselves. There are soooo many people who want to help out, you just have to find them.
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My first one developed jaundice and addition to being very sleepy didn't want to latch. So while we were in the hospital additional days due to the jaundice treatment, I was on a every 4 hour schedule of going to a room adjacent to where she was sleeping, nursing her with pumped milk from a little tube on my pinky, practice trying to get her to latch, and then pumping some more. It was brutal, I'm sure what boot camp was. The first couple weeks I had to use this rubber thing on my nipple to help her latch, and then pump more after nursing.
This was my wife's experience. Except that we ended up still having to run the tube through the nipple shield for breastfeeding attempts at home because baby would get impatient and not even attempt to latch otherwise. Talked to LLL, lactation consultants but eventually the 90 minute feeding/pumping sessions every 3-4 hours were just a non-starter and wifey switched to pumping and supplemental formula. Those first few weeks were probably the hardest of her life. I did everything I could to help, but only so much I could do until we switched to the bottle. But it got better, and each month so far seems easier and more rewarding.
Baby is now just shy of 8 months old and happy and healthy and way up on the growth charts after being way down from jaundice and being underfed prior to adding formula. She seems no worse for the experience. Got the colostrum and early anti-bodies from the breastmilk, which is what is most important (lots of other benefits of course).
Also just to throw some humor in here: http://www.theonion.com/article/new-study-finds-link-between-breastfeeding-always--36823 (http://www.theonion.com/article/new-study-finds-link-between-breastfeeding-always--36823)
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I had a very difficult time w/ baby #1, and very easy time with baby #2. There were a whole host of factors that contributed to why it was hard the first time and easy the second - in addition to knowing what I was doing the second time around. The first 6 weeks are brutally hard, and the first 4 months, IMO, are super hard, and the first year is really hard. In fact, I think the lack of sleep made things hard for me for about 5 years. (My kids are 3 1/2 years apart.).
This book - IMO, was the best at helping with breastfeeding problems:
http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Breastfeeding-Book-Answers-Problem-Solution/dp/0761529969/ref=sr_1_29?ie=UTF8&qid=1442231883&sr=8-29&keywords=breastfeeding+books
Lactation consultants vary widely in their skills. It really helps to have someone who has had their own children and successfully nursed them, and maybe successfully solved their own nursing problems. Pediatricians are generally *not* experts on breastfeeding - they are more concerned w/ weight gain and not on solving nursing problems.
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jpLee3
There are growth spurts where the baby will eat all the time for a day or three. These are very normal and great practice for getting a latch. Is the baby pooping/peeing a lot in 24 hours?
You can pass this visual on to your wife:
In a panic because I felt like breastfeeding wasn't going well, I sit, naked from the stomach up, sobbing uncontrollably, as my MIL tries to comfort me.
God love my MIL. Not something I personally remember with fondness.
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Thanks guys! Tons of useful info here. I'll have to get my wife reading through the thread for tips, ideas, advice and encouragement :)
This was a natural birth but it was also the first time, so I think getting the hang of BFing and latching properly was pretty hard. All I know is that our kid seems to be hungry all the time - dunno if that means he's not getting enough or if he's really just hungrier than he should be. We may go ahead with seeing a lactation consultant to get a better idea of what's going on. We gave him formula for the first time earlier tonight (2oz) and he chugged all of it... crazy kid. He's lights out for now :T
Hungry all the time was normal for my babies, and I didn't have problems breastfeeding. Breast milk is digested quickly, quicker than formula, so babies want to nurse very frequently, less than 2 hours apart it seemed. Formula fed babies are the ones on a 4 hour feeding schedule.
How early in the breastfeeding cycle are you guys? It takes a while for your milk to come in, then takes a few weeks (like 6) to develop a good supply and feeding routine. Remember, this is all new for the baby as well as mom, and the hormones controlling the changes are shifting all over the place at the same time that the process is being learned, AND everything is a self-reinforcing feedback cycle. It's complex!
I found it helped to have a good, comfortable chair with padded arms to support my arms supporting the baby (you are going to be there a while). When baby is little, use a pillow under the baby to help lift him up closer (so you aren't hunching over). I had to learn to relax my back and straighten my posture soon after the baby latched on - I was tensing up into a stiff posture at the beginning, and holding it made my back uncomfortable. Also make sure mom gets enough to eat and especially drink - I would put a drink within reach before I sat down to nurse the baby.
Every baby is different, even within the same family. Believe me, I have 5 kids, and every one is different. One had colic, others did not, some slept well early and others got up every night to feed, they are all over the place.
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Sounds like she isn't feeding often enough or there are supply issues (which can generally be improved by frequent, on demand feeding). My first kids was a very sleepy and inefficient nurser. So we had supply and weight issues from the start. Get to a LC right away and keep the baby nursing as much as possible. It is common for newborns to nurse up to 45 min at a time every two hours - both of my babies went through stages of this. The good news is that the constant nursing will eventually give way to a more spaced out, regular pattern. Do NOT feel bad about supplementing with formula. (Most nursing babies have received formula at some point, so supplementing is pretty common in most cultures).
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One of the happiest days of my life was the day, when my first son was 5 weeks old, that I decided to give up trying to BF. What a relief it was, after all the weeks of failure and stress and worry. Now I wish I had quit even sooner, since it was apparent in the first week that it wasn't going to work out for us. I didn't even attempt BF with my second.
Over a decade later, both are healthy and so smart that I'm glad I denied them those extra few IQ points, or they would not be able to relate to normal humans. (Ok I am exaggerating...)
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(http://i39.tinypic.com/2w24oc2.jpg)
Yes, it's hard at first. Some people truly can't do it. I don't know of anybody who used no formula at all. Lactation consultants are real and saved breastfeeding for my wife and daughter when my daughter wasn't getting enough through the shield.
When it works it is awesome and a huge comfort to parent and child.
Newborns are hard no matter what. Let people know when you need help and don't get overwhelmed.
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I highly recommend connecting with a mom's group, either locally or online. mine has saved my sanity. I BF'd both of our kids for a year, no formula and I would never have been able to do so without the guidance of my online friends. it's not easy, not much about parenting, is, but it's definitely an adventure
kellymom.com has some great forums for BFing.
my best recommendation is forget the clock, just feed whenever the baby seems fussy, especially at the beginning. for my daughter 20 minutes between feedings wasn't uncommon. learn to multitask while BFing and it will seem like a break for everyone. also, don't switch until the baby seems completely done on one side, they need the fatty milk at the end of a feed as much as the "skim" milk at the beginning. also, a good pump makes a huge difference. I had a Medela double Pump in Style and there's no way I'd have managed to BF (and work FT and pump) without it.
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I'll just add that my wife had similar issues. She also hated the lactation consultant in the hospital and thought her advice was "stupid". We ended up using formula and our daughter never had any issues. Remember, this is not a contest. There is no prize for the winner. Do what is best for your family, especially the baby, and do not ever listen to the idiots who claim there is only one right way to do something regarding your child.
I heard so much bad... no make that fucking stupid advice when our daughter was a newborn that its a miracle I still talk to some of those people. The first three months are really hard, but things get easier and everyone will adjust.
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I had issues nursing, and also had PPD, but I was so committed to nursing that I'm pretty sure my PPD would have been worse if I had quit.
I went to a LC at the hospital I gave birth at when baby was about a week old, and did a weighed feed, and had her check my latch. She confirmed that baby was eating enough, growing fine, and latching well. That gave me confidence more than any specific information. Things improved when I had more confidence.
If she wants to quit, quit. If she doesn't want to quit, don't keep struggling, throw money at the problem and get professional help. A PP doula might also be an option- many have lactation training and could help with all aspects of adjusting to a newborn, in your home.
If your MIL is still being crazy, make it your job to run interference so your wife doesn't have to.
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Finding the right help was the key to my issues. But don't worry too much - everybody's experiences are different and what works for one, many not work for another etc, etc.
I was one who skipped all the bfeeding chapters in my baby books. It is natural...so "how hard could it be?". I had problems with #1, but within a month, she figured it out and we were fine. I nursed until 11 months (supply ran out because I was pregnant with #2).
So when #2 came along, i thought - "well now, this can't be hard - I did it once already after all. I am a pro". I spent 2 months in tears. #2 had a horrible latch. And I discovered I just wasn't very good at the whole nursing thing. Baby #1 had figured it out on her own lol. The lactation nurses at the hospital didn't give me good advice. I called back 2x after returning home and still didn't get good enough advice. I called our health unit's new baby nurse. She said "you must have sensitive nipples". Balderdash (and I knew it!). Went to a LLL meeting. They were supportive, but not helpful. Spent hours on the phone with a poor LLL leader. When I called her for the 2nd time that day crying, she finally recommended I see a lactation consultant - this one was one I would have to pay for. I was taken aback as I didn't feel I was quite at that point yet. She assured me I was and that it would be worth the $50 consultation fee. I went - and it was worth every penny. This consultant knew exactly what she was doing and got my baby latched properly within seconds. I did have to go back for a 2nd visit (more to train me than to train my baby lol) but the $100 was worth it and we successfully nursed until 16 months.
Still, looking back - I should have gotten the right help faster. I was persistent, but I feel I should have had a wider network of resources and turned to them sooner rather than continuing to try to "figure it out". It took a long time to get the right help. I shouldn't have let it go that long - I should have either found her sooner or given up sooner. I put myself and my baby through way too much unnecessary torment because I viewed formula as a failure. It wasn't worth it (and I still am pro-breastfeeding).
And the ONE THING that helped me retain my sanity through all the years of second-guessing all my parenting decisions is that I continually remind myself...love is all you need. Just love that baby and show it in everything you do. Babies/children are really more resilient than we give them credit for.
I don't know how many of us feel like good parents. For myself, I feel rather inadequate. But my mom and my relatives all tell me they think I am a great Mom. I figure that yes, I fail in a lot of ways....but my 2 kids know I love them dearly. At the end of the day, I think I do a pretty good job :)
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Babies and moms are all different. As another person said, this is not a contest. You do what you can do as a mom/dad and that is fine. As I once read "let's reserve judgement for those that beat their children." I'm sure that statement was partly in jest, but lets be real, in life, in parenting, in finances, in everything, people are somehow programmed to view themselves comparatively/competitively. It's hard not to, but just don't, you guys have a whole lifetime of parenting to figure out, and what is best for your family might not be what is idealized as the way to do things.
Until I met a group of like minded (and possibly very lucky?) moms, all of my friends that had children were not able to exclusively breastfeed. My group of like minded mom friends? All 7 of us nursed exclusively. The common denominator, with an exception of a few kids in the group, is that we were all birth center (not hospital) deliveries. Meaning we educated ourselves enough to not just choose the default with it came to childbirth, and we all took the initiative to educate ourselves about breastfeeding. I'm not saying it was easy peasy for us all, but I'm just saying we knew what challenges we might face, and how to deal with them.
I understand this is anecdotal, but the disparity leads me to believe that education is key. Unless she is weighing the baby before/after the feeding, it is hard to know how much baby is getting, if she is worried about it. Nursing is work for a baby, so when you hand them a bottle of formula where it just comes out with a little squeezy-squeeze, of course baby will devour it like you've never seen them eat before. I was told this in LLL meetings that I went to months before welcoming our first.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad here, I just don't want for people to think, "breastfeeding exclusively works for no one these days!!!" That's not true. It's also true that not every mom can breastfeed, and that those that can often have difficulties. When I was pregnant and the formula samples started pouring in, I got rid of them ASAP, giving them to families that were already using them. Because I was also told in LLL that many a fine nursing relationship has been halted in it's tracks by a well meaning dad seeing a frustrated mom, and offering to just use that sample so she can get some sleep. When failing to try to breastfeed for even a moment is an option, it can be a slippery slope the way milk supply (and demand) works.
My first was also hungry all the time. And I don't even know to this day if she was really hungry, I just know she was crying and I fed her. Because when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. OP never did say why he and mom believe baby isn't getting enough/she isn't producing enough. If you haven't seen a lactation consultant (a good one!!!) yet, I highly encourage you do this before jumping on the formula wagon if breastfeeding exclusively is important to you. If it's not, whatevs, it's your kid and you are doing what you can for him/her, and that's awesome IMO.
Sleep. I think my kids were normal in this respect, and normal is pretty darn bad when you are used to sleeping uninterrupted all night long and suddenly you have to get up every hour. As a newborn it seemed easy, then we started using that damn pacifier after the potential for nipple confusion was over. Fast forward to 9 months, I'd read a dozen books on baby sleep and my 9 month old woke up 13 times in a night I didn't think was so bad so I'd pop that sucker back in. (I never kept track until a book suggested a detailed sleep log. After that night I put the pacifiers away and we quit cold turkey. It got better, but not until after additional rough nights.)
But it's not easy. People don't talk about how hard it is, and I swear a lot of moms just plain old forget how hard it was when their kids have changed or grown. And it doesn't get easier, the challenges just change. btw, before you think I think I'm some kind of champion nursing/tandem nursing mom, I leave you with this. My kids, now 6 & 4, are in the costco shopping cart that is next to our car. I grab some groceries and start arranging them in the car, and then hear screaming. The are halfway across the parking lot aisle and gaining speed. I run after them and catch the cart, everyone is fine, but I sure feel like mom of the year, right?!
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I swear a lot of moms just plain old forget how hard it was when their kids have changed or grown.
So true! Mine never slept, like ever, for more than a 2 hour stretch. Even when my second had a nursing strike at 7 months and ended up on all formula, she still never slept!
But I rarely tell people about that for 3 reasons:
1. No pregnant lady wants to hear that between 2 kids I didn't get a full nights sleep for about 6 years.
2. I kind of forgot as soon as I actually got sleep! or maybe I just block that horrible time out.
3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
But trust me, many many many other new parents never sleep either, and you too may still not be sleeping in 6 years!
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The only way we got sleep was to co-sleep. She still sleeps most nights in our bed. Totally worth it.
ETA: IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS DO IT SAFELY. No booze. Turn the heat up and take the blankets off. No allergy pills.
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I don't even have kids and probably never will, but I know "Mommy Guilt" is super common. See http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/mommy-guilt/ (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/mommy-guilt/)
It sucks. :(
Take care of wife and baby, and know that you are not alone. Internet hugs for all!
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3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
Hard. Over the head. With a cast iron skillet.
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btw, the reason I went to LLL before I even had a baby in hand was because I knew so many moms that had issues breastfeeding, and I wanted to get ahead of any potential problems. It was mostly smooth sailing for us, but I still ended up on the phone with my groups LLL leader at least a few times in the early days. My point is, people, don't sugar coat it! Tell it like it is, especially with breastfeeding, so those who feel strongly about nursing will feel compelled to have resources in place in advance of baby's arrival.
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Yes to sleeping issues! My first kid (the one with nursing problems) slept through the night like a dream and my second was a colicky, no-sleep screaming machine. Biggest thing I would suggest is just change your mindset and just accept it. Accept that you will not get nearly enough sleep for the foreseeable future. I spent weeks driving myself crazy trying to figure out what we were doing wrong (lists, logs, charts, diet changes, you name it!). The only thing that worked was accepting that there was nothing I could do.
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I want to comment, but I didn't read the whole thread because many of the anecdotes are bringing up painful memories, so why punish myself? I'm still in the haze of sleep deprivation with Baby #3.
Babies are hard work. I knew that. But I didn't realize how much they will put you through the emotional wringer. Sometimes, no matter what you do, you will feel like you did the wrong thing. Time will make that pain fade. A support network is very important, if only to have someone to rant to about how many times you had to wake up last night. Is there a parenting group at your work or religious institution? LLL is great for moms, but dads need support too.
After struggling mightily for 2 weeks to get breastfeeding right with Baby #1, I knew I did the right thing a soon as I gave her that first bottle of formula. Every time I look at the picture my husband took of that moment, it makes me realize that was a parenting breakthough for me. It was the moment I truly understood you have to do what works for your family, not what anybody else says.
Best of luck to you.
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3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
Hard. Over the head. With a cast iron skillet.
I'd just go with an internal eyeroll here, because I'm pretty sure they just forgot how horrible it was or they have deluded themselves. If a parent tried to sleep train, it means they thought sleep training was in order. And seriously, with babies, as soon as you think you have them figured out, they change. And as soon as you think you can't take anymore of something, they change.
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People have already gone into the challenges of breast feeding, but we also struggled with acid reflux with our first. The symptoms were a lot of spit up and being unhappy (i.e., crying) after feeding. I think the acid reflux could have contributed to our (ha I say our) breast feeding challenges.
We didn't realize how much spit up was a lot until after we got it under control.
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3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
Hard. Over the head. With a cast iron skillet.
And not the little #3 size, a nice #12 you need to hold with both hands.
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Most people either do not remember or just lie when it comes to their kids. Its funny, because usually the dads, not the moms, gave good advice when I would ask questions about what its like to have a newborn in the house. The moms made it seem all roses and happiness. The dads would give it to me straight and then just say "it gets easier and eventually you understand that it was worth it".
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I swear a lot of moms just plain old forget how hard it was when their kids have changed or grown.
I have an older friend who told me he used to say his DD (now in her 20s) never had tantrums/terrible twos. Then he found an old journal he wrote when she was a toddler. It seems, as a defense mechanism, his memory blocked out that entire aspect of her toddlerhood. :) So the forgetfulness/memory block does happen.
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At times we've wondered how the human race ever made it this far. Babies are hard. There is no textbook. Actually, it's worse: there are thousands of them and they all suck.
Feeding was a huge issue with both of our kids. For our first, we rented a precise digital scale and did a before/after weigh-in to see how well we did. Yes, we even weighed all of the pee-soaked diapers to make sure he was getting enough. Later, we were pumping, then taping on a feed tube to the nipple so that our little guy could "get the feel" of successful BFing. The whole process took well over an hour and consumed our life. We were stressed and exhausted always. Finally we went with pumping/bottling. For a second we gave it a go for a couple of months and then, when it wasn't working even after moderate effort, My DW pumped as much as she could, froze it and we went with formula. Best. Decision. Ever.
Advice from experts say "breast feeding is best" but this is a total mind-fuck for any new parent having feeding problems. What's actually best is that the child is nourished and the parents are able to function. Sure parents should BF if they can (because blah blah research), but not at the cost the parents turning themselves into sleepless unhappy BF zombies.
Anyways, after reading everything here you know you aren't alone. You're not! Congrats on the bundle. It does get better!
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3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
Hard. Over the head. With a cast iron skillet.
I'd just go with an internal eyeroll here, because I'm pretty sure they just forgot how horrible it was or they have deluded themselves. If a parent tried to sleep train, it means they thought sleep training was in order. And seriously, with babies, as soon as you think you have them figured out, they change. And as soon as you think you can't take anymore of something, they change.
Its always an asshole move to tell a parent who's kid never slept how to make their kid sleep. (Unless they are asking for advice, of course).
Same with telling them how your kid slept.
I swear on my grandmother's grave I will never be that asshole.
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3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
Hard. Over the head. With a cast iron skillet.
Oh God, yes!
Our son had feeding problems, AND colic. So when he was screaming 18 hours a day, we were never sure if he was hungry, or it was the colic. I was feeding on demand every 2 hours, and had an old fart pediatrician tell me I was "spoiling the baby". Another said that I wasn't producing enough milk, and should just give up immediately. In the end, we just stopped listening to everyone else, and went with what felt right to us. I got some help with BF from our local VON - lovely lady! And then I had hubby do a night feed with formula. We had been told that this would be a disaster. That once our son fed from a bottle, he would not BF. Baloney! It was a great bonding experience for DH, and it didn't bother our son at all - as long as it was food, he was going to eat, no matter what it came out of. Around the 3 month mark son and I finally got really efficient at the BF, so the formula feedings tapered off. And at 4 months, the colic ended, and I actually got more than an hour's sleep at a time.
Take the advice that makes sense for YOUR situation, and ignore the rest. I think when you are new parents, you are so unsure of yourselves, and assume that everyone else knows better. Every baby is different, and this is just the first step in learning what works for you, not everyone else. Be kind to each other, and focus on what is important. If that means your wife is in her nighty 24/7, that's fine. If the house is a mess, get used to it - kids are wrecking machines. Try and make sure you are all fed, and sleep whenever you can. Everything else falls into place eventually.
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I second Bruinguy on the acid reflux. I thought our little one cried all the time/ate constantly/never slept/had diaper rash because she was just Demon Spawn but at 6 weeks finally admitted that my husband might be right, she might really have acid reflux. Zantac worked wonders, and even better once we had the dosage right. At 4.5 years old she's STILL on Zantac twice/day. I ran out Friday and that was one cranky/sad/cuddly preschooler in my lap all day :-(
Anyway, when I got back to work after maternity leave I told all of my childless coworkers to never have children because newborns are Hell. Of course they didn't listen, but I tried to get that public service announcement out there. I took my own advice and stopped at one rather than going down that route again.
As for breastfeeding: supplementing is OK. Hell, straight formula is OK. We breastfed for 24 months, supplemented with formula at 9 months when my supply dipped and she was on table food anyways. I saw a lactation consultant at 4 weeks because I was getting blisters/it was still painful and she helped a bit (suggested changing position regularly, wearing nipple shields under my bra to allow the nipples to air out a bit). The toughest part of the first year was pumping. I shut myself into a small, windowless room morning, noon, and afternoon for a half hour to pump, read a book, and at noon eat my lunch. I didn't get to go out for a walk on lunch, I didn't get to sit with coworkers and chat on lunch. I felt very isolated because I didn't get to do anything social at work - partially self-imposed, I could have chatted more around the water cooler but I already felt like I was "stealing time" by taking half hour morning and afternoon breaks rather than regulation 15 minute breaks. I switched to pumping twice/day when my frozen stockpile grew large, and taking that lunch for me. That did good things for my mood, but hurt my supply (thus supplementing with formula starting at 9 months).
On the topic of feed: Food intolerances. When I called out pediatrician about the nonstop crying they suggested avoiding dairy, which helped. My coworkers new baby granddaughter also has reflux (and blood in her stool, so really bad reflux) so Mom had to nix not only dairy but soy and nuts. I only had to eliminate dairy, raw garlic, and I forget what else. Dairy is hard enough. Another nudge toward formula there - there's special formula with the proteins more broken down than what one's digestive system does, and then Mom can avoid the "Oh no I forgot that tandoori chicken has a yogurt sauce!" 3 hour screamfest. As Erica/NWEdible said, "ask me how I know".
As for sleeping through the night... as mentioned abundantly above, every baby is different. Mine slept only shortly, fully swaddled, and in her baby bucket carseat for the first 6 weeks. Then with the miracle of Zantac she could suddenly sleep on her back and slept pretty well until 4 or 5 months. Except she mainly slept at daycare (which she started at 6 weeks) and was then Party All The Time at night, finally crashing at 10pm and sleeping maybe 6 hours. At 4-5 months teething started, and waking up as soon as the Advil wore off. That went in spurts as teeth came in until 24 months old, if I remember correctly that's when the molars came in. Now at 4.5 years old she has dropped all daytime naps and usually sleeps through the night. We've discovered Melatonin and use it as needed to help her sleep, with the blessing of her doctor.
So yes, newborns are awful, up to 6 months they're terrible, to 1 year is horrible, up to age 2.5 is bad, 3.5 is tolerable. At 2.5 years they can communicate, and at 3.5 years they can be reasoned with. So far, things just keep getting better. Hang in there!
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I swear a lot of moms just plain old forget how hard it was when their kids have changed or grown.
I have an older friend who told me he used to say his DD (now in her 20s) never had tantrums/terrible twos. Then he found an old journal he wrote when she was a toddler. It seems, as a defense mechanism, his memory blocked out that entire aspect of her toddlerhood. :) So the forgetfulness/memory block does happen.
LOL! I've always assumed the people who claimed their kids were no trouble at all as babies had early dementia. Now I have proof!
Becoming parents for the first time is brutally hard, as you've figured out. I always say the bravest thing I ever did was to get pregnant the second time. The first time, I didn't know what I was in for, but the second time I did it with a full understanding of the consequences.
If you think your wife has a low supply and she really, really wants to nurse, skip all the BS cookie and "nurse frequently" advice and see if you can get her a script for domperidone (aka motilium). It's used for stomach issues and has the side effect of causing lactation. It even works on people, like men, who haven't had babies. In fact, I had to stop taking it for my stomach issue because I don't have a nursing baby and not being able to get rid of the milk was excruciating.
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Do NOT feel guilty about ANY choices you make about breastfeeding vs. formula. Do what works for you. Disregard any opinions from people that are not living your life in your house right now. Period.
As to sleeping, the only thing I've ever heard that made rational sense and worked (and we did too) was to try to keep baby awake a little longer in the evening (playing, bathing, naked play, etc) so that they were good and tired for their first stretch of sleep at night. Other than that, all people are different in their sleeping patterns and that includes babies. Again, do what you have to do and ignore everyone else out there. People are just full of advice, but whatever works for your little family is what you should do.
If there is stress to the extent that it is messing with her (and your) mental health and stress levels, it is time to take the pressure off of you both!
I'm sure you're doing great - hey, worrying about doing what is best for your kid is half the battle and means you are great parents - the rest is just details! :)
Best of luck!
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FWIW it is normal for a baby to chug a bottle and it does not mean baby is not getting enough breastmilk. That's not to say that you did the wrong thing by giving a bottle, and some evidence actually supports a little supplementation at first. Hungry all the time is normal unless it comes with a lack of weight gain or not enough wet diapers. If you can't stand hungry all the time, well, you do what you gotta do.
I'm sorry you guys are having a tough time. It will get easier. The first few weeks of a first baby can be really dreadful. I know Mr. FP and I wondered if we had made a terrible mistake. (No, he grew on us :-).)
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Yes to sleeping issues! My first kid (the one with nursing problems) slept through the night like a dream and my second was a colicky, no-sleep screaming machine. Biggest thing I would suggest is just change your mindset and just accept it. Accept that you will not get nearly enough sleep for the foreseeable future. I spent weeks driving myself crazy trying to figure out what we were doing wrong (lists, logs, charts, diet changes, you name it!). The only thing that worked was accepting that there was nothing I could do.
Too true. My first child, we were able to sleep train and she slept reasonably well after that. My second baby....well, he didn't sleep through the night until he was 7/8. Honestly, like many others have said, I forget most of the details now. I remember claiming he slept through the night around 6 years or so. I had moved past frustration into acceptance and just didn't think about it anymore. About a year or two after that, I was talking to someone with a newborn and commiserating with the lack of sleep when I realized I was STILL waking up 2x a night with my son!! He would come to get me when he wanted to go to the bathroom and dumb (half asleep) mom that I was, I would dutifully get up and escort him (to the bathroom he had to walk past to get to my room) and then tuck him back into bed. TWICE A NIGHT. Cracked me up when I realized. Took me a few months of reminders and finally for the first time in many, many years, I would sleep through the night.
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Most people either do not remember or just lie when it comes to their kids. Its funny, because usually the dads, not the moms, gave good advice when I would ask questions about what its like to have a newborn in the house. The moms made it seem all roses and happiness. The dads would give it to me straight and then just say "it gets easier and eventually you understand that it was worth it".
LOL! I think my wife is gonna be the kind who will straight up tell you it sucks... if anything, I'M the one who would make it all sound like smiles, laughs, and happy time. Of course, when I *am* able to make my kid smile or smirk, it probably is more rewarding getting him to do that than it would be if he were the baseline perfect child the whole time (maybe for *those* parents they try to figure out what they can do to make their kids cry behind closed doors...hahahahaha)
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LOL, so another question for all of you regarding babies on airplanes. I keep hearing (and have experienced) mixed stories... usually the parents who have the kid who didn't cry or complain once are the ones telling those stories. And otherwise, it's everyone else who sat in front of, behind, or next to the couple who brought their "devil child" on with them who are complaining. I'm a bit scared to travel with our kid anytime soon given how fussy he can be. We are thinking about visiting home for the holidays (either a 1hr flight or 6-7hr drive). We may end up just driving as it's not *that* bad of a drive...of course I say that never having driven with a baby for that long LOL! But I'd rather do that than risk a thousand stares of anger with a wailing baby on a plane.
My SIL and brother both "airplane trained" their kids starting off young - they told me neither of them really fussed much on the plane. I'm sure that's not true for 99% of people out there though.
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We flew with a four-month old and she just nursed while sleeping on my wife the whole flight. I think a baby might even be easier (unless they're in ear pain) than a toddler, who wants to do stuff and is annoyed that they can't.
Flew with our now-nearly-two-year-old last week, and she asked to go outside. In the sky.
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Without reading all the posts, I saw some references to post-partum depression and medication in this mainly breastfeeding thread, so just to add... There is a great reference book "Medications & Mothers' Milk", by T. Hale, which will put fears about SSRIs while breastfeeding to rest. It's a little technical, but the extra effort in understanding is worth the peace of mind.
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Lots of good stuff here. We also struggled w/ BF. DD is 5 months. At 1 month (after exclusive breastfeeding) she was @ birth weight. Our pediatrician said "either we start supplementing or we go to the ER". We've been supplementing since. We did a bunch (8 oz, initially) for the first couple of weeks, but have been @ 1.5 - 2 oz of formula for the last couple of months and that seems to be the magic number. We didn't go into it expecting BF to be really easy, but my wife was still bummed about supplementing. She'd read some stuff about how mixing formula and breastmilk would jack up digestion. We had no such issues, though.
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Whether it's breastfeeding (which is the current dilemma my wife is in - not seemingly producing enough and feeling like she may need to supplement with formula) to how well/much the baby sleeps at night. My wife is discouraged because it just seems like quite a few people haven't really had these issues; I know it's not something to feel bad about and I'm sure I'm gonna hear "It's never actually what people make it out to be" etc but it really sucks. I guess this is part of the whole postpartum depression thing... or adds onto it if anything. The whole [lack of] breast milk supply is really a revelation to us - either a lot of our friends aren't telling us something (out of shame maybe?) or they all have an abundant supply of flowing milk... *confused* I guess it's sort of a private thing for most people, but for something that can affect someone as much as this, I think it's good to share these disappointments and expectations and to be up front with anyone else who is an expecting mother.
Again, just another rant as a new/first-time parent.
I had plenty of milk, but many of my friends did not. Some of them suffered and cried and felt like failures, but a few said "eh, I have to use formula" and moved on.
Even with plenty of milk, I had many issues with plugged ducts and mastitis. It was awful, painful, you name it. I charged through it with #1, but with #2 I started weaning at 8.5 months.
Sleep, baby #1 didn't sleep until about 8 months. At 4 months, he could sleep 4 hours, at 8 months, 8 hours. So I was really really tired.
Baby #2 slept 9 hours from 3 months of age till 7 months. Then teething started. Then he was up all. the. time. from 7 to 16 months. Oy. I mean really. (And still up through age 2.5 occasional wakeups).
That's the truth.
My brother's 2nd baby was sleeping through the night at 1 month (formula fed).
I did meet one woman once at a park whose kid slept through the night nearly from birth. I looked at her like she had two heads.
You are totally normal.
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Lots of good stuff here. We also struggled w/ BF. DD is 5 months. At 1 month (after exclusive breastfeeding) she was @ birth weight. Our pediatrician said "either we start supplementing or we go to the ER". We've been supplementing since. We did a bunch (8 oz, initially) for the first couple of weeks, but have been @ 1.5 - 2 oz of formula for the last couple of months and that seems to be the magic number. We didn't go into it expecting BF to be really easy, but my wife was still bummed about supplementing. She'd read some stuff about how mixing formula and breastmilk would jack up digestion. We had no such issues, though.
I can attest to the digestive issue too. My first kid, who we supplemented by one week old, ever had a single issue, but my second kid, who never had formula and nursed for a year had to be put on Miralax for six months. Totally the opposite of what you'd expect.
And flying with an infant is usually fine, it's the older babies and toddlers that I found to be difficult.
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LOL, so another question for all of you regarding babies on airplanes. I keep hearing (and have experienced) mixed stories... usually the parents who have the kid who didn't cry or complain once are the ones telling those stories. And otherwise, it's everyone else who sat in front of, behind, or next to the couple who brought their "devil child" on with them who are complaining. I'm a bit scared to travel with our kid anytime soon given how fussy he can be. We are thinking about visiting home for the holidays (either a 1hr flight or 6-7hr drive). We may end up just driving as it's not *that* bad of a drive...of course I say that never having driven with a baby for that long LOL! But I'd rather do that than risk a thousand stares of anger with a wailing baby on a plane.
My SIL and brother both "airplane trained" their kids starting off young - they told me neither of them really fussed much on the plane. I'm sure that's not true for 99% of people out there though.
I flew with my kids a bunch of times when they were 4 mo-4 years. Honestly, it's a crap shoot each and every time. Sometimes they're little angels, and some flights were so horrible I've completely blocked them from memory. "Airplane training" sounds like hubris to me.
However, under 6 months (before the baby is mobile) are generally good. They're happy to sit on your lap and aren't strapped in a car seat where you can't easily comfort them. I'd take a 1 hour flight with a screaming kid over a 7 hour drive (it will take longer than without a kid!) with an angelic baby any day.
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Re: flying with children. I've never flown with a little baby, but I've flown with 14 mos to 3 years. Toddlers are harder because they're less likely to nap and want to run around and kick seats. My first flight with my oldest, he was 14 mos and we flew transatlantic. He barely slept at all. My first flight with my youngest, he was also 14 months, it was a 3 hour flight. He slept from before takeoff to after landing. The difference is that the youngest was in his car seat; I think it really helped that he had a familiar, comfortable seat.
As a frequent business flyer pre-kids, the only time I would get annoyed at loud children was when their parents weren't doing anything, and that's a pretty much universal attitude, I think. If you're going to fly with children, you have to make them your primary focus for the entire flight. But, on the other hand, this is not the time to be out for parent of the year. My kids have had benadryl, unhealthy snacks and way too much screen time on planes. My attitude was, whatever it takes to keep them quiet, and it's not like these 3-8 hours are going to undo months of good parenting.
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Please don't have any negative feelings at all about having to supplement with formula. My wife didn't produce enough either, maybe half of what our kid could suck down. For the first two weeks she just gave breast milk. At the two week checkup the doctor marked "failure to thrive" because the baby was 2 ounces shy of his birthweight, and ordered us to supplement with formula over that weekend. We did, and he put on a bunch of weight in 2 days. Telling a mother her baby is failing to thrive causes some tears.
My wife gave breastmilk for the first year, but the last 6 months or so that was exclusively via pumping. Breastfeeding was always hard on her nipples in the early months. We had a lactation consultant come and visit a couple times, and over the phone. But it turns out my wife has (cough, ahem), large nipples which were part of the issue. The lactation consultant said this, and that's a woman who sees a lot of nipples. Once she began pumping only, and supplemented with breastmilk, things got easier. Having some pumped milk around, and supplementing with formula, helped with sleep for everyone since my wife and I could trade off feedings. I've since read somewhere that a baby that gets any breastmilk, gets most of the benefits of breastmilk (immunity issues and all that i think, nut just nutrition/calories).
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LOL, so another question for all of you regarding babies on airplanes. I keep hearing (and have experienced) mixed stories... usually the parents who have the kid who didn't cry or complain once are the ones telling those stories. And otherwise, it's everyone else who sat in front of, behind, or next to the couple who brought their "devil child" on with them who are complaining. I'm a bit scared to travel with our kid anytime soon given how fussy he can be. We are thinking about visiting home for the holidays (either a 1hr flight or 6-7hr drive). We may end up just driving as it's not *that* bad of a drive...of course I say that never having driven with a baby for that long LOL! But I'd rather do that than risk a thousand stares of anger with a wailing baby on a plane.
My SIL and brother both "airplane trained" their kids starting off young - they told me neither of them really fussed much on the plane. I'm sure that's not true for 99% of people out there though.
A 1-hour flight will be a piece of cake.
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Regarding flying with a small baby - I'd take a 6-7 hour drive any day. I've flown quite a bit with my kid and have never had any issues. But overnight trips with small babies require so much stuff. I'm thinking of the baby's bassinet in particular. And the car seat he/she is used to. Drive, take your time.
When our child was 2-6 months long car trips were so easy! Drive for 3 hours while baby naps. Stop to eat/get gas, wake, feed and change baby, play for a few minutes, then off to drive again where she would promptly fall asleep. It was excellent.
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Regarding flying with a small baby - I'd take a 6-7 hour drive any day. I've flown quite a bit with my kid and have never had any issues. But overnight trips with small babies require so much stuff. I'm thinking of the baby's bassinet in particular. And the car seat he/she is used to. Drive, take your time.
When our child was 2-6 months long car trips were so easy! Drive for 3 hours while baby naps. Stop to eat/get gas, wake, feed and change baby, play for a few minutes, then off to drive again where she would promptly fall asleep. It was excellent.
Good points on all the extra baby stuff...nearly forgot about that. We may have to bring more than we bargained for and we'd be going up probably for a week or maybe two. So driving is probably better in that case. Plus, I *hate* flying around the holidays in general, so probably not the best idea haha.
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I had so many issues during pregnancy, postpartum, and breast feeding (the delivery was the easy part) that you could not pay me all of the money in this world to do that again...no way no how no thank you!
I had the most mellow kid on earth and she is still that way. She would nurse around the clock and I did that for 2 months then I spend 2 months pumping when my blood sugar hit 400 I had to stop. It was not worth trying to force my body to produce the breast milk.
I had 6 doctors blow me off with me thinking I had PPD. It finally took breaking down over a paper airplane when my daughter was 2 for someone to pay attention to me.
Do what feels right for your family. And tell everyone else to go eat rocks.
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Oh man this is making me dread #2, who is coming in just a few weeks. With #1 I thought I would nurse - that's what literally every single friend I know does. Turns out, I didn't have the willpower to make it work with a small baby who wasn't latching well in the first few days and I didn't like pumping. I had to have a C section too, which also bummed me out.
I felt guilty for a while but was able to let it all go. For this one my goal is to do everything the way that's easiest for me. C section? Awesome. That means an extra two days of resting in the hospital (with infant care!), plus minimal pelvic floor recovery and great painkillers. I just bought 4 cans formula at Costco this morning. I refuse to struggle or feel bad when/after the baby comes.
Re. flying - I agree it's much easier with an infant than a toddler. I second the Benadryl recommendation. It got me through a cross country flight with a 6 month old.
At this point, with a 2 year old, I don't see flying with her for longer than a couple hours until she's at least 4.
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Absolutely nothing wrong with supplementing with formula. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Ignore all the "formula is evil" talk. And whatever you do, DON'T BUY BREASTMILK OFF THE INTERNET. (For the record, I breastfed my son exclusively and supplemented at the beginning with my daughter.)
Also as parents, we developed pretty thick skins. I'm sure there were people casting annoyed looks at us when my daughter was screaming on the plane, but I didn't notice any of it.
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Oh man this is making me dread #2, who is coming in just a few weeks. With #1 I thought I would nurse - that's what literally every single friend I know does. Turns out, I didn't have the willpower to make it work with a small baby who wasn't latching well in the first few days and I didn't like pumping. I had to have a C section too, which also bummed me out.
I felt guilty for a while but was able to let it all go. For this one my goal is to do everything the way that's easiest for me. C section? Awesome. That means an extra two days of resting in the hospital (with infant care!), plus minimal pelvic floor recovery and great painkillers. I just bought 4 cans formula at Costco this morning. I refuse to struggle or feel bad when/after the baby comes.
Re. flying - I agree it's much easier with an infant than a toddler. I second the Benadryl recommendation. It got me through a cross country flight with a 6 month old.
At this point, with a 2 year old, I don't see flying with her for longer than a couple hours until she's at least 4.
My brother and sister in law have already flown to Hong Kong several times with both their boys, now 6 and 3. I think they started the first when he was two but I feel like they had already gone once or twice before that with him. And by the time the second one was here, they had him on a plane to Hong Kong within the first year along with the first. Crazy but they're all pros at it now and it seems like they fly pretty often.
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If it's any consolation, I ended up not being able to breastfeed either of my two. I made myself miserable with the first feeling like an utter failure, multiple lactation consultants etc. Finally one of the consultants with the La Leche league said that sometimes it just doesn't work out and to switch to formula after pumping failed as well. It wasn't any better with #2 who also had a latch issue. I gave up rather quickly that time. After talking with the Dr, some ladies may produce enough milk but have an issue with letdown. Some mother/baby pairs really can't exclusively breastfeed (or in my case breastfeed at all). Thankfully, formula exists and everyone will be ok.
Both kids are great at flying but it is tough work. When I say great, I mean only one screamed for 5 straight hours due to a hideously hot plane and mommy running out of his favorite beverage (he was weaned off formula but wanted milk...now!). They started flying at 6 weeks and 10 weeks. We stripped him down to his diaper, and walked the aisle. Most of the other passengers were sympathetic but I really wouldn't have cared. I kept electronics (tablets) as special "airplane only" toys. That helped. The best thing for flying for our family was to have sufficient food, desirable drink on hand, especially for descents. We also found that using their car seats on the flight helped as they were used to being strapped in them for several hours. We got ones that folded and had backpack straps for ease of transport through the airport.
what kind of adult brings a doll on a plane, I ask you?)
LOL! I had one of those fuzzy brown bear suits for my infants and a bunch of people thought I was carrying a teddy bear with me everywhere at a ski resort. Heheheheh. The strange looks were priceless.
Do what feels right for your family. And tell everyone else to go eat rocks.
+ 1
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About the Benadryl — some people use this to make their baby go to sleep on the plane. You're not supposed to do this, but it's clear that some people do. 99% of babies and toddlers go to sleep on Benadryl. But 1% it makes hyper, as in, wide awake and noisy and energetic all night on an overnight plane flights. Don't ask me how I know.
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We did a 10 hr (20 r/t) drive with the LO when he was 2 months, and our first flight I think when he was 8 months, cross-country. Both trips were mostly fine (see below). I'll admit have no patience for people who think you shouldn't fly with babies/kids (this has been true for me both before and after becoming a mom), I mean, for heavens sake, parents and kids have the same right to travel as anyone else.
Our driving trip was totally fine, if exhausting -- of course that would have been true with or without a LO. The flying trip had 2 "downsides," one was a leg where DS cried constantly, turned out he'd had some diarrhea (unheard of) that we didn't realize and address (i.e. he was in a yucky, poopy diaper for the duration of that flight) and of course his bottom hurt. So I felt bad (for him), but no one complained, and of course we addressed the problem as soon as we became aware of it. The other was a leg where I got air-queasy (not actually sick) and took some dramamine which knocks me out. The flight itself was quite turbulent, and an older woman next to me took DS for a good bit of that part of the trip and was wonderful and tremendously helpful, her vocal conviction that we were all about to meet our maker (due to the plane falling out of the sky, which it certainly felt like might happen in a roller-coasterish way, but not otherwise) notwithstanding (I don't remember why DH wasn't the one who took DS, but for some reason she offered, and was great. And he was fine with her).
As for stuff, if you plan ahead you may find family can borrow a bunch of stuff you'll need (e.g. safe spot for baby to sleep -- pack'n'plays are great) so you don't need to haul lots. But obviously it's worth checking on this, as who knows?
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The more a woman nurses, the more milk she produces. Also beer- even non-alcoholic- and certain herbs help the body to produce. If she supplements, the demand decreases and so does the supply.
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About the Benadryl — some people use this to make their baby go to sleep on the plane. You're not supposed to do this, but it's clear that some people do. 99% of babies and toddlers go to sleep on Benadryl. But 1% it makes hyper, as in, wide awake and noisy and energetic all night on an overnight plane flights. Don't ask me how I know.
This is true!! Test it beforehand if you're thinking of drugging your kids for flights :)
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Another breastfeeding flunkie here (July 2012 baby). Took the class, read the books, met with the lactation consultant several times (while in the hospital and after going home), discussed extensively with our very-pro-breastfeeding pediatrician, and finally had to start supplementing around a week old when my daughter just kept losing weight. The first 5-6 weeks of her life were a miserable blur of trying (unsuccessfully) to breastfeed, pumping, and then feeding miniscule amounts of milk & formula by syringe/cup/etc to avoid nipple confusion. It was absolutely awful and everyone was miserable. We were feeding every 3 hours and our feeding routine took roughly 1.5-2 hours, so it was rough. Finally, around 6 weeks old, my stepmom and husband convinced me that being a miserable mother wasn't doing my daughter any favors, so I decided to accept that I would be formula-feeding with supplemental breastmilk instead of vice-versa. Stopped offering the breast at all, pumped what I could but didn't sweat it if I missed one of my every-3-hour pumping sessions, and considered anything I pumped to be a nice supplement to formula. I was down to pumping 2x/day by the time I returned to work at 12 weeks, and stopped completely a few weeks later.
It was the right choice for us, because I wasn't able to bond with my daughter when I was so stressed in every single one of our interactions. Not to say your wife should give up... but it isn't the end of the world if she can't work it out. Daughter is now 3 years old and has been very healthy, so it all worked out for us.
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AND colic. So when he was screaming 18 hours a day, we were never sure if he was hungry, or it was the colic.
They are so right that you will forget the bad things. I totally forgot that my first, the preemie syringe-fed baby) had it felt like 20 hrs a day of colic. I kept reading about colic and trying a bunch of stuff that did not work, spoke to the ped, suggested mylicon drops which are not even a "drug", they just help break up gas bubbles. Did I listen to him? Of course not, I listened to all the crunchy, Earth mamas who would never give a baby a drug for colic. Between colic and the BFing, I finally got to the point that I would try the mylicon. Stopped screaming after first dose and passed so much gas, kept him on that for a little while and then he was fine. But I still feel guilty that I listened to other moms and not my ped, he got better so fast, it kills me to think he was colic-y and in pain and I let it go on way too long
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
Reading your thread with wincing reminiscence. People often say it's gets better, and that does seem to be the case. And then somehow, you remember how tiny and precious he was, and less how he howled for hours or puked all over everything or kicked and bit, etc. I have a 9.5 month old now, and the first six months were really hard. The last few were also hard, but most of the stuff that "went wrong" in the first 6 months is not there now. Breastfeeding was excruciating for the first 10 days, which sounds like such a short time, but it's sheer agony to live through. Then, at 2 weeks old, my son started sending back his food routinely, and to make up for it, he nursed about 14 hours of the day. That's right - 14 hours. He was and remains a scratcher and a biter, and seems to enjoy using his strong legs for leverage to increase his chances of drawing blood. Cutie though.
What I actually wanted to say was, if you are prone toward sarcasm, one thing that's helpful for coping is to pretend some other acquaintance is doing what your son is doing, and be as appalled as you should be. Example: "It's been really great having Paul as a workout buddy, and we keep each other motivated. The only downside is that when I put on clean clothes after working out, he always pukes all over them." Or, "I've been seeing this guy and it's going really well. I'm not sure what his deal is though, because if he lays on his back or stomach he just screams like someone put a fucking knife through his heart." This game helps remind you that it's totally reasonable to be put out by what babies put us though. Yes, children are the future. They make life worth living in some sense, but as a practical matter, at least when they are small, they fucking ruin your life on a minute-by-minute basis.
I look forward to continuing the sarcasm game with toddler antics..."The new boss is really great. She's totally on the ball... Unless you take the paper coffee cup that she wanted from the stack. They are all identical, but if you take the one she wanted, she drops to the ground and kicks her legs and flails and screams as if her eyes were doused in battery acid. If someone relents and gives her the cup, she chills out instantly. I think I'm going to start bringing a thermal mug."
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I love telling stories about how my babies made me crazy!
My first ended up in the NICU on monitors, tubes, and needles for a bit after he was born. He was too weak to latch and they happily fed him whatever milk I could pump and formula from a bottle. After he left the hospital, he still couldn't latch. After a few days of tears, frustrations, and lots of pumping, I went to a highly recommended lactation consultant. She grabbed me and grabbed my son and shoved us together and he latched without a problem. He nursed poorly despite an over abundance of milk and decent latch. He would nurse a little, look around, nurse more, babble at me, nurse a bit, drool the milk out and make cute faces at whoever was in the room who would look. I went all bottle by 9 months and he was thrilled to be able to sit up, hold the bottle and be part of the action. Apparently being shoved up against my person wasn't his favorite. To this day, he will sit at the table engaging in conversation and discussions while randomly picking at or refusing his food. However, he slept through the night from a young age.
My second latched within a few minutes of being born and was a voracious nurser until I weaned her at a year. However, she would stay up all night screaming at me and barely napped. The only time she wasn't screaming was when she was eating. But, I had to be careful with this because some nights she would scream so long she would cause herself to vomit. She just had colic.
I have friends whose kids were delivered in 5 minutes in a serene water bath then never yelled or fussed or refused kale or whatever. How boring is that?
For advice...see a lactation consultant. Talk to a pediatrician about gas and GERD and the screaming. Formula and bottles can be a life saver; anyone who gives you a hard time can go fuck themselves. Your baby is not their baby and you do what is best for your baby. Some babies are just hard, and that's OK. Get your wife to talk to someone if she's struggling.
With #2, I was seriously sleep deprived and, despite having lots of support, when I wasn't being screamed at, I had outrageous, stay up all night worrying, fears of my kids being eaten by bears. Just being able to talk to my husband and have someone acknowledge that it was bizarre but OK to be anxious made a huge difference. Then he bought me bear spray and brought the bear gun safe into the bedroom, which was awesome. If talking to you and making some changes to the routine doesn't help, have her see someone. Hormones can be the worst and its awful to think you are losing it.
Last thought...I ended up having a ton of milk as long as I ate. The moment I tried to purposefully restrict my diet to shed baby weight or eat healthfully or whatever, the milk would disappear. Milk requires tons of calories.
I hope this is even a tiny bit helpful. Good luck!
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Cheer up, your offspring will be a delightful little person in a few years (until then they are really cute and peaceful when they sleep.Take lots of photos when they sleep and look at them in moments of despair).
There are a lot of things which nobody tells about parenting. Mostly because nobody wants to sound like a whinger and partly because they don't want to discourage you from having kids. Here is my introductory list.
-pregnancy sucks. your body will never be the same
-childbirth is a horrible/horrible experience which should be banned.
-breastfeeding can be shock horror (did that for 30 months w 2 kids before anybody calls LLL on me, but hated every minute of it). I just hated sterilizing bottles more than the pain.#psychomummy
-kids never sleep. it happens only to other people's children
-babies can scream for hours. for no,particular.reason, just for the heck of it.
-toddlers destroy everything they touch. You will never have a clean house ever again.
-you will lose your me time and your own space. FOREVER. (it seems)
-as they get older you'll have to put up with your annoying friends and their annoying parents. Your own social life disappears.
-little kids are disgusting germ carriers who bring home every nasty germ and virus from the neighbourhood.
-your deep philosophical conversations will be reduce to talking about the pee the pooh and the vomit for a long time.being s
-and I am not even talking about being stuck on the mummy tracks career wise forever because you know, we can't have it all.
There. Now you know.
Disclaimer: I love my kids. I want more. Am devastated that my husband refuses to have more (for the aforementioned reasons).
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oh hell, my spelling .....but I haven't slept for 6 years ya know. :)
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I think it's good to share these disappointments and expectations and to be up front with anyone else who is an expecting mother.
Amen! I make a point to never tell people how wonderfully, magically mothering is. Especially newborns!
However, when telling people the truth, I have had people tell me they don't want to hear negative experiences, and that most likely won't happen to them. (A) It not a negative, it's truthful AND has a happy ending, so hear me out:) (B) How fabulous that, that won't happen to you. Don't call me when it does. (Kidding, I'm always willing to help).
My SIL had 3 babies before I had my first. She always said that the first year is the worst and I just didn't get it. I thought she was a crazy person, I mean, who doesn't love babies. Oh, wait, me! That first year was a freakin nightmare of terrible.
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Jplee -- I haven't read all the replies here, but it is ok to supplement with formula. With our first we tried to exclusively breast feed, and it was not doable for us due to work issues (I was working full time). We heard all kinds of dire warnings from people -- "If you give formula the baby won't drink breast milk! She'll have nipple confusion!" Nope. It worked fine. I kept nursing her for six months, and she got formula during the day while I was at work. She liked both. You do what you can.
Good luck with everything. You will get through it and it will be fine. I agree with the folks who are telling you to only spend time with supportive friends. The one-upping kind of friend will drain you.
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He isn't angry, he doesn't really have control over his arms.
Burping - I ended up doing something I hadn't read anywhere but worked for my girl. I called it gorilla pose. I got her into a sort of wobbly squat with her knees going into her belly and some of her weight on her arms. Gas definitely makes them sad.
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I didn't read all of the responses as it looks like there was a lot of great advise about getting help from specialists.
When faced with these types of situations, I remind myself that no one ever posts/talks about how they are commuting at 5 or 6am every day or in this case, how difficult their child is. People like to project the best possible verison of themselves or their lives at all times. It is just basic image crafting. Realize that many of your friends most likely went through similar struggles whether on breastfeeding or other child related issues.
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My overriding advice would be to not pay attention/care what other people think/say. It's the most important lesson in life (in my opinion) and fits very well with dealing with babies. It's better to walk your own path than try to convince yourself and others that breastfeeding isn't healthy or important. It is healthy and imporant is just a judgment.
The one caveat that I would add is: don't always take the easy way. If you've tried to breastfeed and it just isn't working, then move on to formula and don't doubt yourself and care what others think. However, make sure you've given it a fair shot. That would (in my opinion) include calling in an expert to help learn how to do it. Early days of parenthood are difficult (lack of sleep, emotions, lack of experience) so don't be hard on yourself. You should know if you're being reasonable/practical or a wimp (in the sense of not making a fair effort).
There are lots of things in life that are healthier/better for you and your family. It is highly recommended that we all choose many of these healthier ways, but no one is ever going to do all of them. Make your choices and be happy with them. In fact, this ties in very nicely with the MMM credo. Know the facts and then make your choices. And don't be swayed by what the general population does/thinks.
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
Hate me for having an "easy baby". He is breastfed and generally a sweet, determined little guy. But when he was born, forget all that "10-12 x nursing per day", 20 min every 2 hours. He ate a solid 14 hours per day, with a 3-5 hour CONTINUOUS nursing session in the evening. I did not have a supply problem. He just wanted to be on the boob that much, and frankly every time he so much as whimpered I just changed his diaper and stuffed the boob in his mouth. It worked. I nursed him sometimes 18 + times per day.
Don't worry about schedules, how often or long he "should" be eating...he will have his own rhythm. If he is gaining weight, and your wife and baby both like to breastfeed, then just go with it. Be aware that she will have nothing else she can do except sit on the couch and feed him for 3 months. I showered once a week lol....
If that is your situation, please just bring your wife lots of tea, water, juice and food, because sitting on the couch feeding an infant burns a crazy amount of calories and is extremely physically draining. Foot massages work too (not that I ever got any).
Your wife only has a supply issue if your little guy is failing to gain weight appropriately.
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
It would appear your heathen devil baby is related to my heathen devil babies.
Mine screamed if they weren't nursing. The only thing that worked was baby wearing. They would chill if I was walking around with them in the sling. Many a night at 3 am you could find me pacing around the living room with DD in the sling, trying to get her to go back to sleep so I could sleep too. In the evenings, forget it, it had to be a walk in the sling OUTSIDE. In the house was not going to cut it. Whereas with DS, it had to be nursing straight from 7-10 pm.
With DD I do think she had gas/tummy ache/whatever. If helped to hold her across my forearm with pressure on her belly. Or in a sling, forward facing, so the sling was pushing on her belly (imagine a complicated wrap tied so there was pressure on her belly, but of course she was tiny and shouldn't have really been facing out so I had to completely support her head and neck, too. That was not a joyful period).
Babies man. They are insane.
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Here's the thing with breastfeeding - it sucks and then it's awesome.
If you can get through the curve with mom and baby not about to die - ie failure to thrive and/or no shaken baby issues because mom is dead tired and thinking of harming self or baby - breastfeeding is SO MUCH EASIER than dealing with formula or bottles in the later months.
But those first few months suck. No judgment here if you all go with formula.
I remember sitting and nursing for about three solid hours every night from 5-8. And yes, gas can be an issue - you have to really get the gas out - try bicycling legs, various burping positions, etc.
What's funny (well not to you) is that on another thread people were trying to warn a future mother about just how hard babies can be but she was having none of it. Did not appreciate the warnings because she was ready. And for real, she is as ready as you can be....except I don't think having a stash of frozen dinners still can prepare you for how much it can suck. Some get lucky and have a super easy time of it, but for most of us it's hell.
My 2nd was easier, plus I knew what I was doing a bit more and didn't have hormonal issues. It was still hellish.
Good luck to both of you!
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
Hate me for having an "easy baby". He is breastfed and generally a sweet, determined little guy. But when he was born, forget all that "10-12 x nursing per day", 20 min every 2 hours. He ate a solid 14 hours per day, with a 3-5 hour CONTINUOUS nursing session in the evening. I did not have a supply problem. He just wanted to be on the boob that much, and frankly every time he so much as whimpered I just changed his diaper and stuffed the boob in his mouth. It worked. I nursed him sometimes 18 + times per day.
Don't worry about schedules, how often or long he "should" be eating...he will have his own rhythm. If he is gaining weight, and your wife and baby both like to breastfeed, then just go with it. Be aware that she will have nothing else she can do except sit on the couch and feed him for 3 months. I showered once a week lol....
If that is your situation, please just bring your wife lots of tea, water, juice and food, because sitting on the couch feeding an infant burns a crazy amount of calories and is extremely physically draining. Foot massages work too (not that I ever got any).
Your wife only has a supply issue if your little guy is failing to gain weight appropriately.
Which does happen. My daughter lost enough weight that if we had not supplemented she would have ended up back in the hospital. And this was after being up 24 hrs trying to nurse every second she wanted.
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I have no meaningful advice that hasn't already been mentioned. Do whatever it takes to stay sane, try to let go of any guilt about not doing the 'right things' - you are clearly great parents doing everything in your power to keep your LO safe and growing and feeling loved. Just keep it up and ask for help if you need it. PPD is no joke. Good luck with the journey and holiday planning. To fly or drive for me would depend on how well baby liked the car seat. I think an hour of screaming in a plane would be preferable to six hours screaming in a car (for those kids who hate car seats...my second did, with a passion).
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flying with babies. did a cross country (philly to seattle) with our first as a 3 month old, and also a cross-the-world when she was 18 months. The longest leg was 18 hours and she was fine. Just be ready with ways to preoccupy him/her. Special toys, etc. Both times got comments like "what a good baby" from adults sitting next to me. But I wasn't flying for their approval, so if your baby cries part of the time, meh. Everyone will get over it. This is life, people, we have babies and they cry sometimes!
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We have a two month old. I also had a lot of trouble nursing at the beginning, and he wasn't gaining weight like he should.
Here is what worked for me:
Camp out on the couch.
Load up Law & Order on Netflix.
Drink no more than 2.5 beers a day, no less than one (but no back to back beers, and only if she likes beer).
Nurse baby every time he woke up.
Eat a LOT of high fat food.
It took a week, but it worked. Kid is now 15 pounds - has doubled his birth weight in 8 weeks - and milk supply is maybe a little too good. Also, honestly, it was amazing. Babies are amazing. And I'll never have a great excuse to lie on the couch all day and stare at my newborn in between episodes of my favorite TV show while my husband brings me snacks and drinks on demand again. Just my two cents, but it took me a while to figure out that the problem with my milk supply wasn't a lack of healthy eating and perfect latching technique, but actually a lack of insufficient contact between little bud's mouth and the boob, and not enough fat and beer.
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PS. Oh yes. Sleep. What is that, again?
No, I'm joking. He started sleeping 4 consecutive hours at a time last week. It's amazing. I have mom friends whose babies sleep from 7-7, and I must admit to being insanely jealous, but I presume he'll be sleeping through the night by the time he goes off to college.
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
Hate me for having an "easy baby". He is breastfed and generally a sweet, determined little guy. But when he was born, forget all that "10-12 x nursing per day", 20 min every 2 hours. He ate a solid 14 hours per day, with a 3-5 hour CONTINUOUS nursing session in the evening. I did not have a supply problem. He just wanted to be on the boob that much, and frankly every time he so much as whimpered I just changed his diaper and stuffed the boob in his mouth. It worked. I nursed him sometimes 18 + times per day.
Don't worry about schedules, how often or long he "should" be eating...he will have his own rhythm. If he is gaining weight, and your wife and baby both like to breastfeed, then just go with it. Be aware that she will have nothing else she can do except sit on the couch and feed him for 3 months. I showered once a week lol....
If that is your situation, please just bring your wife lots of tea, water, juice and food, because sitting on the couch feeding an infant burns a crazy amount of calories and is extremely physically draining. Foot massages work too (not that I ever got any).
Your wife only has a supply issue if your little guy is failing to gain weight appropriately.
Which does happen. My daughter lost enough weight that if we had not supplemented she would have ended up back in the hospital. And this was after being up 24 hrs trying to nurse every second she wanted.
Yes, it does. I am glad your LO was appropriately monitored and got what she needed to thrive. My only point (and sorry if this didn't come across clearly) was that just because the baby wants to nurse round the clock doesn't mean there's something wrong with the breastfeeding relationship. Of course, it also doesn't mean there's not....the little buggers just vary so much!
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We have a two month old. I also had a lot of trouble nursing at the beginning, and he wasn't gaining weight like he should.
Here is what worked for me:
Camp out on the couch.
Load up Law & Order on Netflix.
Solid advice. I watched 4-5 episodes of Law and Order per day in the first 2 months of my son's life. I was shocked that he slept so peacefully through all the murder, but there you have it.
I don't know if this is relevant to the OP, but for me one of the hardest parts of nursing in the early days was getting over "conventional wisdom" and "other people's opinions." Some babies may eat every 3 hours and quickly move to every 4, but my guy only went more than 2 hours between feedings a couple times per day, and spent two 5 hours blocks pretty much eating 40 out of every 60 minutes. And then they outgrow that, but it's hard to keep your spirits up when books and other people look at you sideways.
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We have a two month old. I also had a lot of trouble nursing at the beginning, and he wasn't gaining weight like he should.
Here is what worked for me:
Camp out on the couch.
Load up Law & Order on Netflix.
Drink no more than 2.5 beers a day, no less than one (but no back to back beers, and only if she likes beer).
Nurse baby every time he woke up.
Eat a LOT of high fat food.
It took a week, but it worked. Kid is now 15 pounds - has doubled his birth weight in 8 weeks - and milk supply is maybe a little too good. Also, honestly, it was amazing. Babies are amazing. And I'll never have a great excuse to lie on the couch all day and stare at my newborn in between episodes of my favorite TV show while my husband brings me snacks and drinks on demand again. Just my two cents, but it took me a while to figure out that the problem with my milk supply wasn't a lack of healthy eating and perfect latching technique, but actually a lack of insufficient contact between little bud's mouth and the boob, and not enough fat and beer.
LOL! I love that!
What did actually get me through nursing were hours and hours and hours of my favorite TV show and my favorite books. I would read/watch TV. it got me through the torture of nursing to have something to look forward to. And I ALWAYS ate while they nursed. I had granola bars and assorted other snacks beside me all the time. And hey, I had the perfect excuse why I couldn't clean the house/cook dinner!
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Just thought I'd share my experience.
We were just like you, wanting to BF so bad, but it just wasn't happening. It affected his sleep, mood, etc. As soon as we started supplementing with formula, his whole life changed. We fed him solids as early as we could (I think around 4mo) as well, and to this day (1yr) he is an eating champion.
It will get better. And it will get worse. Some day my son may start throwing all his food and his eating ways are gone...but maybe not. Everybody will compare parenting and kids, but you gotta let that go and do what's best for your kid.
Our second is on his way as well, so we'll see how that one goes! I'm crossing my fingers for a good sleeper :)
Cheers!
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I'm not quite sure why he's so fussy constantly. My mom thinks he's gassy. She was holding him upright just now and he had a big burp - so maybe it was just waiting to come up. I never can seem to get him to easily burp either.
And he always seems to want to eat and just cries and cries otherwise. He's also a kicker/puncher so he'll kick and take swings A LOT (and his nails get sharp). He just seems like such an angry child...
Ah, the learning curve. Their nails grow fast, and are really fine, thus they are sharp. Trim them often (weekly, maybe), so he isn't scratching himself, or you. Mitts or socks over his hands is another old fashioned option, but they can come off, especially if he's a feisty one. I often trimmed the babies' nails while they were quiet, which meant while BFing (yeah, that took a while to manage).
As another poster mentioned, the arm flailing is really just due to the immaturity of his nervous system and lack of control over his body. You could try wrapping him tightly in a receiving blanket like the hospital did - many babies prefer being swaddled. He's spent 9 months in tight quarters, and now the big wide world is unfamiliar. Try it to see if baby prefers it, drop it if he doesn't.
Crying is the only way he has to communicate at this point, and he probably only knows that he is somehow uncomfortable: hungry, tummy ache, cold, hot, wet, cranky tired, whatever. It is really frustrating (on both sides) when we as parents can't figure out what is wrong. Relax, talk in soothing tones, and work your way thru the likely reasons (diaper check, assess temp, burp, food, etc). Babies can pick up on our strong emotions, and work themselves into a frenzy beyond the original complaint, so stay as calm as you can, and pass off the baby to another helper as needed to maintain your own sanity.
Re: eating all the time - newborns are growing at an amazing rate, and still developing. They really need to eat nearly round the clock early on - tiny little tummies don't hold much and need refilling often, and mom's milk supply needs to ramp up from zero! It doesn't stay this way forever; baby will grow bigger, supply should match (in a perfect world), baby can get a bigger meal at a time and nurse less often plus hopefully sleep longer between meals.
Hang in there, it gets better!
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I haven't read all the replies yet, but I'll chime in and say the wife also had to "supplement" with formula. But it was more like 85% formula, 15% bm. LOL. Our premie 5lb'er not only caught up with all the growth charts, but blew them out of the water. 9 months and 20 lbs, crawls at a amazing rate, and is standing/pulling himself up.
I can't imagine any situation where not much bm hurt him. How could he be any better?
The kid is all muscle and rage. :)
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We have a two month old. I also had a lot of trouble nursing at the beginning, and he wasn't gaining weight like he should.
Here is what worked for me:
Camp out on the couch.
Load up Law & Order on Netflix.
Solid advice. I watched 4-5 episodes of Law and Order per day in the first 2 months of my son's life. I was shocked that he slept so peacefully through all the murder, but there you have it.
I don't know if this is relevant to the OP, but for me one of the hardest parts of nursing in the early days was getting over "conventional wisdom" and "other people's opinions." Some babies may eat every 3 hours and quickly move to every 4, but my guy only went more than 2 hours between feedings a couple times per day, and spent two 5 hours blocks pretty much eating 40 out of every 60 minutes. And then they outgrow that, but it's hard to keep your spirits up when books and other people look at you sideways.
Yup. And your kids solid blocks of nursing/anger may be at inconvenient times. My kid liked to nurse/expect hours of pacing every night from 10 pm to about 4 or 5 am. It was a bit easier with lots of TV, but it really was not easy. It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done, raising that baby the first 10 weeks of her life (my generally wonderful husband apparently cannot handle newborns).
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3. When I do mention it I tend to mostly get a lot of "well my baby slept through the night starting at 3 weeks" or "you should have sleep trained". Both of which make me want to smack the person who said it. Hard.
Hard. Over the head. With a cast iron skillet.
Absolutely. Like crazy.
I'm going on 6 years here, and haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep in a row... once. My two year old still gets up every two hours for milk (yes, yes.. I am one of those extended nursing wackos ;)
I am often reminded by family of how my almost 1yr old niece sleeps a blissful twelve hours straight.... auughhhh!!!!
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How about a good old story of "it could be worse!"
My mom contracted active TB (yep, tuberculosis) in the third trimester of her pregnancy. She lost almost 20 pounds before I was born, despite being pretty close to underweight when I was conceived. Needless to say, she was completely incapable of breastfeeding, much less providing full time care for me. And let's not forget the guilt she probably felt about potentially passing the disease on to me (I was fine).
And hey, I turned out just great! So did my mom.
Sometimes it's not so easy and Pinterest-worthy. ;)
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BF was tough for me too. I had to drink close to a gallon water a day or I wouldn't produce enough. Another thing that worked was drinking the fenugreek tea/ mother's milk tea. Some even take fenugreek pills to help.
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BF was tough for me too. I had to drink close to a gallon water a day or I wouldn't produce enough. Another thing that worked was drinking the fenugreek tea/ mother's milk tea. Some even take fenugreek pills to help.
Those pills will make your wife smell like a combination of licorice and maple syrup, fair warning.
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Camp out on the couch.
Load up Law & Order on Netflix.
Drink no more than 2.5 beers a day, no less than one (but no back to back beers, and only if she likes beer).
Nurse baby every time he woke up.
Eat a LOT of high fat food.
And I'll never have a great excuse to lie on the couch all day and stare at my newborn in between episodes of my favorite TV show while my husband brings me snacks and drinks on demand again.
the good old days! It was actually hard to keep up with the amount of food necessary and that is the very last time that sentence will come out of my mouth
I was on bedrest for months with both kids, no one believed me when I said I did not get bored. I knew this was the last time that I would ever be able to read a book a day for the next 18 yrs. It was scary but that was a very peaceful time, knowing you were holding those guys in there as long as possible, protecting them.
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The best was the phone call my wife just had with her older brother. He's single, metro, and never intends to have kids or a family. Yet he straight up told her "you just need to chill out" after she vented to him about all the ways her parents are stressing her out and how this time just isn't an easy one. I guess he's just trying to be the older brother who knows better, but it's like c'mon dude - you're a guy. I wouldn't dare say something like that to my wife, so WTH would any other dude (I don't care if it's her dad or brother) decide it's a good idea to tell her to chill out? Also, he was like "Do you have postpartum?" to which she replied "I don't know... maybe. But I'm not sure" and he then offered his unsolicited advice: "Why don't you talk to your doctor. You really should. You really shouldn't be ashamed of it. Many women struggle with it." LOL, OK expert! Anyway, tons of cool story bro advice from him...that's for sure. He'll be here this weekend so we're really looking forward to it :P I'm pretty sure he's gonna be like "hey let's go out for drinks" after an hour of being bored with the baby.
BTW: she saw her lactation consultant today and she says she's just fine and thinks she's producing enough. So she told us to stop supplementing, pumping, and bottle-feeding, and just to work through the BFing. Of course, it's always on-demand and the kid wants to eat like every one at times. Haha I don't know who to believe anymore. I think if my wife just feels exhausted from it, we'll go to supplementing without feeling bad. I think she has been OK as of late because my parents are in town and helping with cooking tons of food and making sure she eats. But last week was rough - she was at home alone for most of the week and not eating well. She's not the type of person who snacks and gets nauseous and loses her appetite when BFing.
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Also, he was like "Do you have postpartum?" to which she replied "I don't know... maybe. But I'm not sure" and he then offered his unsolicited advice: "Why don't you talk to your doctor. You really should. You really shouldn't be ashamed of it. Many women struggle with it." LOL, OK expert!
This is excellent advice. I am wondering why you seem to take issue with it?
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But last week was rough - she was at home alone for most of the week and not eating well. She's not the type of person who snacks and gets nauseous and loses her appetite when BFing.
Aaaahhh!!! Noooo!!! If she's home alone, you must must must leave her with a refrigerator full of delicious food that she doesn't have to do anything more than microwave. And really do convince her that it is FINE to lie on the couch all day watching stupid TV. Among other things, she's recovering from labor. Moving around too much post-partum has serious consequences. I'd say ask me how I know, but trust me, you don't want to know the specifics.
Caring for a newborn can be a magical time, but there's no reason that magic can't happen while she is watching Oprah and eating ice cream out of the container. House cleaning, laundry, weight loss, and every other damn thing can wait until AFTER she's figured out breastfeeding and fully recovered from giving birth.
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Also, he was like "Do you have postpartum?" to which she replied "I don't know... maybe. But I'm not sure" and he then offered his unsolicited advice: "Why don't you talk to your doctor. You really should. You really shouldn't be ashamed of it. Many women struggle with it." LOL, OK expert!
This is excellent advice. I am wondering why you seem to take issue with it?
+1
Granted, if it's just a week or two post-partum, could be normal baby blues. My pediatrician said if it lasted longer than...maybe two or three weeks? To see a doctor stat. I was bawling in the pede's office - he said at the first check-up the moms are either crying or so tired that they can't talk properly.
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Also, he was like "Do you have postpartum?" to which she replied "I don't know... maybe. But I'm not sure" and he then offered his unsolicited advice: "Why don't you talk to your doctor. You really should. You really shouldn't be ashamed of it. Many women struggle with it." LOL, OK expert!
This is excellent advice. I am wondering why you seem to take issue with it?
The issue is more how he said it, almost as if its a nbd kind of thing especially after telling her she needs to chill out. He just lacks empathy and has low e.q. like, he'll analyze the crap out of something even if its incorrect but won't be quiet about it and will keep saying stuff without realizing he should just stay quiet.
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But last week was rough - she was at home alone for most of the week and not eating well. She's not the type of person who snacks and gets nauseous and loses her appetite when BFing.
Aaaahhh!!! Noooo!!! If she's home alone, you must must must leave her with a refrigerator full of delicious food that she doesn't have to do anything more than microwave. And really do convince her that it is FINE to lie on the couch all day watching stupid TV. Among other things, she's recovering from labor. Moving around too much post-partum has serious consequences. I'd say ask me how I know, but trust me, you don't want to know the specifics.
Caring for a newborn can be a magical time, but there's no reason that magic can't happen while she is watching Oprah and eating ice cream out of the container. House cleaning, laundry, weight loss, and every other damn thing can wait until AFTER she's figured out breastfeeding and fully recovered from giving birth.
The only thing she actually wants to eat if anything is fruit. We had a good amount of stuff that her parents made her which was simple enough to microwave but she had a hard time even then. If she's not hungry or craving anything she has a really hard time forcing herself to eat. Literally nothing makes her want to get up and go to the fridge these days. Even she expressed its weird for her. She won't even have cravings for places she likes dating out at usually.
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But last week was rough - she was at home alone for most of the week and not eating well. She's not the type of person who snacks and gets nauseous and loses her appetite when BFing.
Aaaahhh!!! Noooo!!! If she's home alone, you must must must leave her with a refrigerator full of delicious food that she doesn't have to do anything more than microwave. And really do convince her that it is FINE to lie on the couch all day watching stupid TV. Among other things, she's recovering from labor. Moving around too much post-partum has serious consequences. I'd say ask me how I know, but trust me, you don't want to know the specifics.
Caring for a newborn can be a magical time, but there's no reason that magic can't happen while she is watching Oprah and eating ice cream out of the container. House cleaning, laundry, weight loss, and every other damn thing can wait until AFTER she's figured out breastfeeding and fully recovered from giving birth.
The only thing she actually wants to eat if anything is fruit. We had a good amount of stuff that her parents made her which was simple enough to microwave but she had a hard time even then. If she's not hungry or craving anything she has a really hard time forcing herself to eat. Literally nothing makes her want to get up and go to the fridge these days. Even she expressed its weird for her. She won't even have cravings for places she likes dating out at usually.
Then she may want to see a doctor. It may be overtiredness but it may be post partum issues.
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She should be ravenous breastfeeding, ime. She needs to eat regardless of whether or not she feels like it. Get her to the doctor, pronto, if she won't do what she needs to do to take care of herself and your baby.
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She should be ravenous breastfeeding, ime. She needs to eat regardless of whether or not she feels like it. Get her to the doctor, pronto, if she won't do what she needs to do to take care of herself and your baby.
Yes - calorie intake is very important for milk production. You need to be the cruise director at home and be taking care of your wife, and that includes feeding and scheduling/driving her to the doctor's. Her only job is to take care of the baby when you are not there and recover from childbirth.
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I haven't had time to read all the posts, but wanted to post quickly in case it helps. If your baby is fussy and not sleeping well, seems constantly hungry and gassy, and your wife hasn't been eating much else besides fruit, it's possible that your baby is getting too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk. The foremilk is what comes out first, and it's watery and sugary. The hindmilk is what comes out at the end of a feeding session, and it's fatty and has more nutrients in it. If your wife isn't eating enough good fats and other nutritious food then it's likely that she's not making enough hindmilk. The foremilk will make baby feel full initially but apparently creates gas and it's certainly not going to keep baby going for long since it's mostly just water. I can understand the craving for fruit (I've eaten a whole watermelon by myself in less than a week!), first because she feels thirsty and dehydrated and second because she's probably exhausted and her body is looking for fast calories, but that's not the best thing in the long run. If she doesn't feel like eating whole meals, maybe try some snack foods like full fat yoghurt or nuts or things like larabars that have high nut (and therefore fat) content. She should also make sure she's feeding baby for long enough before switching sides, because if you just do shallow feeds then the baby might not be getting enough hindmilk even if there is some available. If you can get more hindmilk into baby then hopefully things will settle down a bit for you, and your wife will be able to relax more and enjoy her baby, which will hopefully help to increase the supply she has. I didn't make enough milk for my first baby even with lactation consultants trying to help, but things are looking much better (touch wood!) for my second, and I think spending more quality time with baby and trying to look after myself more and trying to forget about everything else has made the biggest difference. And a good nursing pillow like "my brest friend" helps a ton too, and working out comfortable feeding positions. Milk production is supply and demand, especially in the beginning, so she should be as comfortable as possible and spend as much time on it as she can. And when baby is eating well, better sleep and other good things should follow. Hope that helps! Good luck!
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She should be ravenous breastfeeding, ime. She needs to eat regardless of whether or not she feels like it. Get her to the doctor, pronto, if she won't do what she needs to do to take care of herself and your baby.
With my parents around she has been much better about eating, but mostly because they're constantly cooking and making stuff for her. Not sure what this will look like when they're gone. I was working from home the first couple weeks but when I went back to work is when I noticed she wasn't eating all that well (and things were really rough then too). Once my parents leave, I think I may have to relegate myself to working from home and or taking leave. Was planning to take full-on leave later on in November but we'll have to see...
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I haven't had time to read all the posts, but wanted to post quickly in case it helps. If your baby is fussy and not sleeping well, seems constantly hungry and gassy, and your wife hasn't been eating much else besides fruit, it's possible that your baby is getting too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk. The foremilk is what comes out first, and it's watery and sugary. The hindmilk is what comes out at the end of a feeding session, and it's fatty and has more nutrients in it. If your wife isn't eating enough good fats and other nutritious food then it's likely that she's not making enough hindmilk. The foremilk will make baby feel full initially but apparently creates gas and it's certainly not going to keep baby going for long since it's mostly just water. I can understand the craving for fruit (I've eaten a whole watermelon by myself in less than a week!), first because she feels thirsty and dehydrated and second because she's probably exhausted and her body is looking for fast calories, but that's not the best thing in the long run. If she doesn't feel like eating whole meals, maybe try some snack foods like full fat yoghurt or nuts or things like larabars that have high nut (and therefore fat) content. She should also make sure she's feeding baby for long enough before switching sides, because if you just do shallow feeds then the baby might not be getting enough hindmilk even if there is some available. If you can get more hindmilk into baby then hopefully things will settle down a bit for you, and your wife will be able to relax more and enjoy her baby, which will hopefully help to increase the supply she has. I didn't make enough milk for my first baby even with lactation consultants trying to help, but things are looking much better (touch wood!) for my second, and I think spending more quality time with baby and trying to look after myself more and trying to forget about everything else has made the biggest difference. And a good nursing pillow like "my brest friend" helps a ton too, and working out comfortable feeding positions. Milk production is supply and demand, especially in the beginning, so she should be as comfortable as possible and spend as much time on it as she can. And when baby is eating well, better sleep and other good things should follow. Hope that helps! Good luck!
Thanks! One of the other problems we've noticed with the kid is that he'll start nursing after whining and be OK but then like several minutes in he'll just doze off! So it's possible he's not getting any hindmilk because of this, leading to the excessive fussiness and gas. I think she may just need to bother him while he's feeding and try to do her best to keep him awake.
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Don't have time to read everything, but something you can use to (maybe) shut some people up, or just provide some entertainment. Humans have been around for a long, long time. For that length of time, you had breastmilk which was the #1 beyond all doubt best option. And then you had the times when it didn't work, for many reasons. So, the question is, what the heck were people feeding infants before modern formula? A lot of things.
If you want to be amazed that humans survived, go do a little reading into historical infant feeding practices. Once you get past the breastfeeding/wet nurses and into alternatives, it gets pretty funny.
So next time someone accuses you of poisoning your child by giving them formula (I overheard that line not too long ago), you can ask if they'd prefer beer. Because that was done.
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Back when I was researching this, the foremilk should change to become higher calorie with frequent short feedings. I don't know if there's been studies out since though.
If she wants to, she can even express a bit of the foremilk by hand (yes, you look like you are milking yourself) and then he'll get the fattier milk.
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I was a zombie for the first month after DD was born, so memories are hazy. She didn't sleep well, she was an owl where I am a lark, she was colicky, etc.
What helped. Breast-feeding means what you eat is what baby is eating - my visiting nurse suggested no crucifers at first - so broccoli and cauliflower, which I love, were out. Every time we sat down to nurse, I had a large glass of water, it is easy to get dehydrated when you are nursing. Super comfy chair and supportive pillows are essential, there were times in the middle of the night when we both fell asleep in the chair.
I was told that the first milk is thin to quench thirst, and the later milk is thicker and more nourishing. So it is important to empty out the breast so the nourishing milk is being drunk. The old trick was to put a pin on the side that was nursed, but I could never remember whether the pin meant the side that needed doing or the side that had been done last, so I kept a chart. I told you I was a zombie, right? The chart also gave me an idea of her feeding schedule (I fed when she seemed hungry). I wrote down start and stop times, and I could see how we were doing - and of course it changes over time. It took us a good week to start to get things going, and there were still rough patches. Term babies can easily go three days without nursing much, they have reserves to get them through while Mom's body gets up to speed. That helped with the initial worries.
Breast-feeding advantages - baby is easy to take out (no bottles and equipment to carry) and poopy diapers smell not nearly as bad.
Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My daughter slept through the night (about 6-7 hours) for the first time when she was about 1.5 weeks old (it was a one-off, not every night). We didn't wake her - heck, we were sleeping too! I think the conventional wisdom is that you don't have to wake them to eat when they get back up to birth weight. My daughter was not quite up to her birth weight when she first slept through, but my ped was not concerned about it.
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My daughter slept through the night (about 6-7 hours) for the first time when she was about 1.5 weeks old (it was a one-off, not every night). We didn't wake her - heck, we were sleeping too! I think the conventional wisdom is that you don't have to wake them to eat when they get back up to birth weight. My daughter was not quite up to her birth weight when she first slept through, but my ped was not concerned about it.
I may have completely botched the story - it could have been that he told him his daughter had been sleeping through the night like that for a while, which may have resulted in that response. Yea, one or two off-nights sounds OK. I'm sure there will be one night like this for us soon. My wife was always scared about not waking up and sleeping through the cries, but I think she's found that for her, it's not something she needs to worry about...for better or worse :T
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I think she has been OK as of late because my parents are in town and helping with cooking tons of food and making sure she eats. But last week was rough - she was at home alone for most of the week and not eating well. She's not the type of person who snacks and gets nauseous and loses her appetite when BFing.
^^^THIS^^^
My first few weeks with both of my boys were rough (40 minute long feeds every couple hours, very little weight gain, nurses coming by daily to make sure they were gaining at least an oz or two) and it took both of them weeks to get back to birthweight. None of us clued in at the time - but I was basically subsisting on yogurt and muffins, I didn't feel hungry, so wasn't eating. Once I finally started packing back the calories, my kids gained weight much faster and we could go a few hours between feeds. It wasn't rocket science in our case - we were just too sleep deprived and shocked to realize it.
Best of luck!
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My daughter slept through the night (about 6-7 hours) for the first time when she was about 1.5 weeks old (it was a one-off, not every night). We didn't wake her - heck, we were sleeping too! I think the conventional wisdom is that you don't have to wake them to eat when they get back up to birth weight. My daughter was not quite up to her birth weight when she first slept through, but my ped was not concerned about it.
I may have completely botched the story - it could have been that he told him his daughter had been sleeping through the night like that for a while, which may have resulted in that response. Yea, one or two off-nights sounds OK. I'm sure there will be one night like this for us soon. My wife was always scared about not waking up and sleeping through the cries, but I think she's found that for her, it's not something she needs to worry about...for better or worse :T
I hope that happens soon for you too! My second child did not sleep through the night once until 10 months old, which was righteous pay back for our amazing first sleeping child.
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My first child was born on a Monday, got out of the hospital on Weds, had our first ped appt on Friday morning.
Thursday night, he slept...I dunno. 5 hours? 7 hours?
Anyway, the ped said "actually, that's not good. Newborns will often prioritize sleep over food. You need to wake him every 3 hours to eat".
So, we did that. But you know, the doc didn't tell us for HOW LONG. Sheeiiit. We did that for a week, then gradually changed the alarm to 3.5 hours, then to 4...what he really meant is that we only had to do it for about a week or less, but our next appointment wasn't for awhile. Ugh.
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My daughter slept through the night (about 6-7 hours) for the first time when she was about 1.5 weeks old (it was a one-off, not every night). We didn't wake her - heck, we were sleeping too! I think the conventional wisdom is that you don't have to wake them to eat when they get back up to birth weight. My daughter was not quite up to her birth weight when she first slept through, but my ped was not concerned about it.
I may have completely botched the story - it could have been that he told him his daughter had been sleeping through the night like that for a while, which may have resulted in that response. Yea, one or two off-nights sounds OK. I'm sure there will be one night like this for us soon. My wife was always scared about not waking up and sleeping through the cries, but I think she's found that for her, it's not something she needs to worry about...for better or worse :T
I hope that happens soon for you too! My second child did not sleep through the night once until 10 months old, which was righteous pay back for our amazing first sleeping child.
This statement after having good sleeper makes me question having a second. :P
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My daughter slept through the night (about 6-7 hours) for the first time when she was about 1.5 weeks old (it was a one-off, not every night). We didn't wake her - heck, we were sleeping too! I think the conventional wisdom is that you don't have to wake them to eat when they get back up to birth weight. My daughter was not quite up to her birth weight when she first slept through, but my ped was not concerned about it.
Wait, what are all these references to returning to birth weight? My kids weighed more when we went home from the hospital, even if it was a short stay and my milk hadn't come in yet before getting home. I remember being absolutely miserable with DS2 our first day home because my milk came in, and he was too tired to eat right then, despite being ravenous earlier. Of course, this was during the day, not overnight.
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
My daughter slept through the night (about 6-7 hours) for the first time when she was about 1.5 weeks old (it was a one-off, not every night). We didn't wake her - heck, we were sleeping too! I think the conventional wisdom is that you don't have to wake them to eat when they get back up to birth weight. My daughter was not quite up to her birth weight when she first slept through, but my ped was not concerned about it.
Wait, what are all these references to returning to birth weight? My kids weighed more when we went home from the hospital, even if it was a short stay and my milk hadn't come in yet before getting home. I remember being absolutely miserable with DS2 our first day home because my milk came in, and he was too tired to eat right then, despite being ravenous earlier. Of course, this was during the day, not overnight.
I can't comment on your personal circumstances. Most babies lose a bit of weight following birth.
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The first couple months are hard no matter what you do -- especially for Mom, who is recovering from a rather major medical event.
Look for help on the breastfeeding. I was SO UNSURE of myself at first, and the LLL person set me on the right track. It's a skill, and learning it isn't as instinctive as one might believe. You wouldn't beat yourself up for not being able to jump into the deep end of the swimming pool for the first time ever and swimming, would you? You wouldn't be disappointed if you weren't a competent piano player after two lessons, would you? So why should you feel that you're going to instantly grasp breastfeeding?
It's sooo worth sticking to your guns. Breastfeeding is worthwhile from a financial standpoint. It's worthwhile from a health standpoint. It's worthwhile from a convenience standpoint. Few things in life are so perfect -- but you've gotta get past the learning curve before you get to the point that you can nurse while eating your lunch or standing in line at the store.
Another big help: Get one of those breastfeeding pillows. Seriously, with my first I always kept a bed pillow on the sofa, and it was okay, but with my second child I got a "real" pillow, and the shape and size were PERFECT. That pillow made feeding so much easier.
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Thanks! One of the other problems we've noticed with the kid is that he'll start nursing after whining and be OK but then like several minutes in he'll just doze off! So it's possible he's not getting any hindmilk because of this, leading to the excessive fussiness and gas. I think she may just need to bother him while he's feeding and try to do her best to keep him awake.
I had a sleepy feeding newborn, and the lactation consultant had me nurse her naked and tickle her feet to wake her up. Like mentioned previously, you want the baby to feed long enough to get the hindmilk.
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LLLI is the expert. Hard to do anything related to feeding your baby human milk, as our culture is so sold against with with all the formula, formula, formula.
If the mom can, sleep when the baby sleeps.
http://www.llli.org/
Good luck.
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I second Bruinguy on the acid reflux. I thought our little one cried all the time/ate constantly/never slept/had diaper rash because she was just Demon Spawn but at 6 weeks finally admitted that my husband might be right, she might really have acid reflux. Zantac worked wonders, and even better once we had the dosage right. At 4.5 years old she's STILL on Zantac twice/day. I ran out Friday and that was one cranky/sad/cuddly preschooler in my lap all day :-(
Anyway, when I got back to work after maternity leave I told all of my childless coworkers to never have children because newborns are Hell. Of course they didn't listen, but I tried to get that public service announcement out there. I took my own advice and stopped at one rather than going down that route again.
As for breastfeeding: supplementing is OK. Hell, straight formula is OK. We breastfed for 24 months, supplemented with formula at 9 months when my supply dipped and she was on table food anyways. I saw a lactation consultant at 4 weeks because I was getting blisters/it was still painful and she helped a bit (suggested changing position regularly, wearing nipple shields under my bra to allow the nipples to air out a bit). The toughest part of the first year was pumping. I shut myself into a small, windowless room morning, noon, and afternoon for a half hour to pump, read a book, and at noon eat my lunch. I didn't get to go out for a walk on lunch, I didn't get to sit with coworkers and chat on lunch. I felt very isolated because I didn't get to do anything social at work - partially self-imposed, I could have chatted more around the water cooler but I already felt like I was "stealing time" by taking half hour morning and afternoon breaks rather than regulation 15 minute breaks. I switched to pumping twice/day when my frozen stockpile grew large, and taking that lunch for me. That did good things for my mood, but hurt my supply (thus supplementing with formula starting at 9 months).
On the topic of feed: Food intolerances. When I called out pediatrician about the nonstop crying they suggested avoiding dairy, which helped. My coworkers new baby granddaughter also has reflux (and blood in her stool, so really bad reflux) so Mom had to nix not only dairy but soy and nuts. I only had to eliminate dairy, raw garlic, and I forget what else. Dairy is hard enough. Another nudge toward formula there - there's special formula with the proteins more broken down than what one's digestive system does, and then Mom can avoid the "Oh no I forgot that tandoori chicken has a yogurt sauce!" 3 hour screamfest. As Erica/NWEdible said, "ask me how I know".
As for sleeping through the night... as mentioned abundantly above, every baby is different. Mine slept only shortly, fully swaddled, and in her baby bucket carseat for the first 6 weeks. Then with the miracle of Zantac she could suddenly sleep on her back and slept pretty well until 4 or 5 months. Except she mainly slept at daycare (which she started at 6 weeks) and was then Party All The Time at night, finally crashing at 10pm and sleeping maybe 6 hours. At 4-5 months teething started, and waking up as soon as the Advil wore off. That went in spurts as teeth came in until 24 months old, if I remember correctly that's when the molars came in. Now at 4.5 years old she has dropped all daytime naps and usually sleeps through the night. We've discovered Melatonin and use it as needed to help her sleep, with the blessing of her doctor.
So yes, newborns are awful, up to 6 months they're terrible, to 1 year is horrible, up to age 2.5 is bad, 3.5 is tolerable. At 2.5 years they can communicate, and at 3.5 years they can be reasoned with. So far, things just keep getting better. Hang in there!
Thanks... after a bit more Google research, my wife seems to think all signs are pointing towards reflux with our kid as well. He spits up a good amount and just seems quite fussy. He's also pretty gassy too. It takes a while to burp him and he gets hiccups pretty often too. All those symptoms seem to point towards reflux. She's taking him into the doc today to get a full diagnosis but we may end up putting him on acid reducing medicine (zantac, mylanta, etc). he's just been going through these terrible spells of wanting to eat every hour and getting super-fussy not long after having just fed.
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Babies spit up, babies are fussy. that doesn't mean they have AR, necessarily. Honestly it just sounds like your baby is being normal to me. I'd hate to see you jump to a potentially harmful medication unnecessarily.
Please read about what the PPI (proton pump inhibitor) meds (like nexium and prilosec) do to your body before deciding to administer them. I'm not sure how Zantac work, you'll have to find out if it is also an acid reducer. These drugs don't stop reflux, they just reduce acid to levels where reflux that occurs doesn't hurt. DH was given and rx for a PPI. I begged him not to fill it (he didn't) and there's no way in hell I'd give these drugs to my babies. Here is an NPR piece on it. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112564382 (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112564382)
Best of luck to you. It only gets easier until they can throw tantrums and slam doors!
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Yes - calorie intake is very important for milk production. You need to be the cruise director at home and be taking care of your wife, and that includes feeding and scheduling/driving her to the doctor's. Her only job is to take care of the baby when you are not there and recover from childbirth.
Yes, and the single most important detail is that she needs to stay well-hydrated. One of the doctors in the hospital said this to my husband, and he was so sweet: Every single time I sat down to nurse the baby, he'd bring me a big glass of water or juice. If your wife's going to produce liquid, she must take in liquid. I nursed mine well past a year, and anytime I didn't drink enough, I could tell! Thanks! One of the other problems we've noticed with the kid is that he'll start nursing after whining and be OK but then like several minutes in he'll just doze off! So it's possible he's not getting any hindmilk because of this, leading to the excessive fussiness and gas. I think she may just need to bother him while he's feeding and try to do her best to keep him awake.
This is all part of the learning curve -- part of it has to do with your wife, and part of it has to do with the baby.
Consider what the baby's used to feeling: In the womb, he was never full, never empty, always just comfortable. Now he gets hungry ... but doesn't know why he feels this way. So he nurses, and -- ah, there's that contented feeling again -- and he's so satisfied that he drops off to sleep. He has to LEARN to stay awake and eat his fill. This takes time. One thing to try: If he falls asleep before he's had enough (and in about two weeks your wife'll have a sense of when he's had enough -- but that certainty doesn't come instantly), wipe his little feet with a cold washcloth. It'll wake him up, and he'll start to nurse again. This problem will end, but for the moment it is very real!
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My first few weeks with both of my boys were rough (40 minute long feeds every couple hours, very little weight gain, nurses coming by daily to make sure they were gaining at least an oz or two) and it took both of them weeks to get back to birthweight. None of us clued in at the time - but I was basically subsisting on yogurt and muffins, I didn't feel hungry, so wasn't eating. Once I finally started packing back the calories, my kids gained weight much faster and we could go a few hours between feeds. It wasn't rocket science in our case - we were just too sleep deprived and shocked to realize it.
Best of luck!
Yes, I remember after a few months looking back and thinking, "Why didn't I see ____? It was so obvious." I honestly didn't enjoy those first few weeks all that much.
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Babies spit up, babies are fussy. that doesn't mean they have AR, necessarily. Honestly it just sounds like your baby is being normal to me. I'd hate to see you jump to a potentially harmful medication unnecessarily.
Please read about what the PPI (proton pump inhibitor) meds (like nexium and prilosec) do to your body before deciding to administer them. I'm not sure how Zantac work, you'll have to find out if it is also an acid reducer. These drugs don't stop reflux, they just reduce acid to levels where reflux that occurs doesn't hurt. DH was given and rx for a PPI. I begged him not to fill it (he didn't) and there's no way in hell I'd give these drugs to my babies. Here is an NPR piece on it. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112564382 (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112564382)
Best of luck to you. It only gets easier until they can throw tantrums and slam doors!
Yikes... so my wife just texted me and says the doctor is prescribing Zantac :T She says all symptoms point towards reflux and not gassiness. Otherwise, everything else sounds good. Just came across this - http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/zantac-infants-dosage.html#safe
So it's like if he has GERD he should take Zantac but if it's just GER there's no need...ugh so confusing!
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Personally I would take a doctor's advice over that of Internet people.
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Personally I would take a doctor's advice over that of Internet people.
Even the doctor was basically "I don't know if acid is really the issue or not... we can try Zantac just to take a stab at it" :X
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That's a harder decision then.
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Not to make light of the concerns, but with babies you never know until you try and you just have to run through the list of possibilities. How many times have I been up all night worried about my kids not sleeping to discover a new tooth or something the next morning and kicking myself for thinking of everything else - changed the temperature of the room; new clothes; fewer clothes; more clothes; food; diaper changes; drinks; gas; and on and on!
Friends of ours have a great slogan, "when you don't know, give 'em Mo." Referring to Motrin. And "when the crazy sets in, give 'em Ben." Not that I advocate for drugging a child on Benadryl. But, sometimes, it's best for everyone.
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Personally I would take a doctor's advice over that of Internet people.
Even the doctor was basically "I don't know if acid is really the issue or not... we can try Zantac just to take a stab at it" :X
This is really tough. Obviously you don't want you kid in pain if he/she actually has GERD. On the other hand, you really don't want to give your baby any unnecessary meds, especially one than can cause long term problems, like, for instance, as the NPR article posits, necessitating continued use of the drug.
I read a bit of the link you posted and it says zantac can make a baby sleepy!? That's nuts, I can see how babies that don't even have GERD would continue to use it and then subsequently need it.
Most babies, as the link you posted states, have "reflux" to some extent. It's why most babies spit up. As a nursing mom, I had oversupply, overactive letdown, and I thought nursing was the solution to ALL of my baby's problems. Combine that with an over-eater, and DD1 was a spectacular vomiter. I called my LLL leader a couple times late at night because of the amount and projectile nature of her "spit up." But I never ended up with a GERD diagnosis, probably because even though I'm sure I told the doctor what we were seeing, I never said, hey,doc, could it be GERD? (But our ped is not really rX happy, fortunately for us...) I am very careful to only describe symptoms as they are to my doctor, I rarely suggest a diagnosis, since I'm an accountant, not a CPA. Because I sometimes think doctors are just quick to agree and give you a prescription and get you out. I once had a doc write my an rx for antibiotics for poison ivy. I didn't fill that.
If it is regular old reflux like my baby had, you can try some things to help it out. When I let down, I'd actually pull baby off for a bit and just soak up the milk with a receiving blanket until it stopped- so DD didn't have to voraciously gulp everything that was shooting into her mouth. (Sorry if this description is weirding anyone out...) I think she'd consume a little less that way, and she'd have to work more for the hindmilk, which is the good fatty stuff. If supply isn't a problem but you think too much foremilk could be a problem, try block nursing- one side only per session, save the other side for another session. This method of one side per session is often suggested to help moms with oversupply get it in check, so be careful. But it also means more hindmilk if baby will continue to work for it on that one side.
After nursing I'd keep her upright if at all possible. Lots of babywearing (read up and practice safely!). My LLL leader also suggested when we do lay her down, elevate the top half of her body a bit. You can do this safely by putting a bolster of some sort under one side of the mattress.
Also, maybe pick up the book "the happiest baby on the block," which gives some really great practical tips on how to calm a fussy baby from about 0-3 months. It was a lifesaver for us, once we were comfortable with the fact that there was nothing wrong with our baby except that she was acting like one.
Try to pay attention to the times that the baby is fussy. I have talked to moms who considered a GERD diagnosis, but after they realized that it was always between 6-10 pm that the baby was fussy, they reasoned that it wasn't GERD, GERD would probably be an issue all the time, not at the normal baby "witching hours."
Last thought, allergies are rampant. I also know a lot of moms that went on an elimination diet and determined that their baby had some specific food intolerances. This is a lot of work, I think, so maybe see if some of the other techniques here will help.
kellymom.com is a great resource for nursing moms, if nobody here has mentioned it yet, too.
Okay, I think that's all I've got.
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Just to add to the discussion, our daughter was on Zantac for a couple of months as an infant, then grew out of the reflux, got off of the medicine with no issues, and Zantac was the solution to our incredible feeding problems. We have tried about everything we could think of, different bottles, nipples, (expressed milk), different types of formula, and nothing worked. We were feeding her for ~75 minutes every 3 hours on the 4oz bottle, and she was already 4 months old. Zantac was a godsend, but not until we upped it from twice a day (as per ped) to every 6 hours (as per ped GI specialist). So, no issues here, but great help from Zantac. She wasn't spitting up, btw, just refusing to eat since it was uncomfortable.
7-8 years later, she was on an actual prescription anti-acid drug (Zantac acts differently from those) for a month as a trial, and got off of it with no problems either (it was not helping her issue).
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So something my wife pointed out was that ever since my parents came down this past week, she had a pretty high uptick in eating dairy: sour cream, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, milk, butter, etc... she's starting to think that the latest events of the baby being super-fussy, not sleeping well, and wanting to eat every hour is due to this change in diet. It doesn't sound like an uncommon thing for there to be dairy (and soy) intolerance. I think this week was especially bad compared to previous weeks, where my wife never really ate much dairy. But as she thinks about it, it seems as though every time she's eating something with dairy (even Cheezits!), she has recalled the baby being fussier than before. We're *this* close to getting Zantac but I think she wants to try cutting dairy (and possibly soy) out for a few days and see if that makes any difference. If it does, then I don't think Zantac is the answer here... well, I guess it could help but it won't do anything about the possible dairy and or soy issues if those are real issues.
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So something my wife pointed out was that ever since my parents came down this past week, she had a pretty high uptick in eating dairy: sour cream, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, milk, butter, etc... she's starting to think that the latest events of the baby being super-fussy, not sleeping well, and wanting to eat every hour is due to this change in diet. It doesn't sound like an uncommon thing for there to be dairy (and soy) intolerance. I think this week was especially bad compared to previous weeks, where my wife never really ate much dairy. But as she thinks about it, it seems as though every time she's eating something with dairy (even Cheezits!), she has recalled the baby being fussier than before. We're *this* close to getting Zantac but I think she wants to try cutting dairy (and possibly soy) out for a few days and see if that makes any difference. If it does, then I don't think Zantac is the answer here... well, I guess it could help but it won't do anything about the possible dairy and or soy issues if those are real issues.
A few days may not be enough to ascertain if cow's milk protein is bothering your baby.
Eliminating a food for less than 2-3 weeks may not be effective—cow’s milk protein, for example, can persist in mom’s body for 1½ – 2 weeks, and it may be another 1½ – 2 weeks before the protein is out of baby’s system.
http://kellymom.com/health/baby-health/food-sensitivity/
If you give this a go, my sympathies with how difficult it is to eliminate all dairy. You don't realize how ubiquitous milk is until you can't have it anymore (like, the margarine my DH bought had milk in it! WTF!) And while it takes a while to leave your system, one little screw up has an impact right away ("oopsie, I ate a cookie.")
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So something my wife pointed out was that ever since my parents came down this past week, she had a pretty high uptick in eating dairy: sour cream, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, milk, butter, etc... she's starting to think that the latest events of the baby being super-fussy, not sleeping well, and wanting to eat every hour is due to this change in diet. It doesn't sound like an uncommon thing for there to be dairy (and soy) intolerance. I think this week was especially bad compared to previous weeks, where my wife never really ate much dairy. But as she thinks about it, it seems as though every time she's eating something with dairy (even Cheezits!), she has recalled the baby being fussier than before. We're *this* close to getting Zantac but I think she wants to try cutting dairy (and possibly soy) out for a few days and see if that makes any difference. If it does, then I don't think Zantac is the answer here... well, I guess it could help but it won't do anything about the possible dairy and or soy issues if those are real issues.
A few days may not be enough to ascertain if cow's milk protein is bothering your baby.
Eliminating a food for less than 2-3 weeks may not be effective—cow’s milk protein, for example, can persist in mom’s body for 1½ – 2 weeks, and it may be another 1½ – 2 weeks before the protein is out of baby’s system.
http://kellymom.com/health/baby-health/food-sensitivity/
If you give this a go, my sympathies with how difficult it is to eliminate all dairy. You don't realize how ubiquitous milk is until you can't have it anymore (like, the margarine my DH bought had milk in it! WTF!) And while it takes a while to leave your system, one little screw up has an impact right away ("oopsie, I ate a cookie.")
Yea, my wife mentioned this to me as well :T Sucks that it takes so long to get out of the system completely, yet it so quick to go into effect and be passed on through the supply...
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If she's still not eating enough, I'd be really hesitant to eliminate whole categories of food that she will eat. Even if she's just recently started eating enough.
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Personally, I found eliminating dairy for a couple of weeks ended up having a positive effect on my baby. It was a pain but i was frustrated and thought it was worth a try. I have no idea how much of it was the placebo effect. With baby #1, I cut out dairy for 2 weeks and when she was less fussy, I gradually reintroduced it and never felt the need to cut it out again.
With Baby #2, I had a bowl of cabbage soup (with a LOT of cabbage) one day and he went into screaming fits. I cut out ALL gassy foods, including all dairy, garlic, cabbage, and a very very extensive list of other stuff. It was a pain but seemed to help (again, not sure if it was a placebo effect). I reintroduced everything gradually several weeks later and didn't see any major issues.
Whether or not it actually was true or if it worked - I don't know. My babies improved and I felt it was worth it (maybe just because I felt like I had control of SOMETHING).
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Sending good wishes to you and your wife. Those first few weeks are hard. And milk supply is a real challenge for many. If you haven't already, I would highly recommend an in-home meet with a lactation consultant. Best $100 I truly ever spent.
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I am glad to read things sound overall a bit better. As for your wife not eating enough, I had a friend like that. She wasn't depressed, just always felt she was forcing food down. Her OB and her Ped both suggested adding in Boost or Ensure 1-2 cans depending on how much she ate that day. Or Carnation Instant Breakfast but then you have the dairy issue. 2 weeks later she was eating everything in sight
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i struggled with my appetite throughout the first few months of pregnancy, and again due to indigestion towards the end. that feeling of "forcing food down" was exactly it. i found that easy to make, bland foods were best, and I would just make myself eat whenever i wasn't feeling off. if it wasn't easy/fast, i was in trouble because in the time it took to make a meal, my feelings about eating could change. i would recommend having a lot of easy to grab food stocked up so she doesn't have to make the effort to prepare things. bowls of whole grain/low sugar cereal, oatmeal, whole grain french toast, smoothies, and fresh fruit were perfect when i didn't want to eat. they're easy, fast and have a lot of fiber. use almond milk if you are cutting out dairy and soy (whole foods has a great organic store brand). also, some women find that regular cow's milk bothers them and baby, but fermented dairy (like kefir) or goat's milk doesn't so those options might be worth a shot if you don't want to give up dairy just yet. if you have a whole foods, there is also a brand of high quality vegan cheese called kite hill that many vegans really like. it's made from almond milk and might be a good snack along with apple slices and crackers.
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So things have gotten better than before but my wife is still struggling through the frustrations of enough of an 'on-demand' supply, pumping, blisters, etc... If she relies on on-demand BFing, he's on her like every hour. Otherwise, she can pump maybe a few ounces *max* at this point in time... I just don't think we'll be able to get by without supplementing on formula. And we actually have started doing so. Weird thing is we think he has food allergies (in addition to reflux) to dairy at least. My wife started cutting soy and wheat out too. His #2s were pretty disgusting when she was going all out on eating without any restrictions. Ever since cutting back things have been more tame. But to test the dairy theory out, we actually fed him milk-based formula last night. He hasn't been fussy at all. And we haven't notice anything too out of the ordinary with his #2s either. So we're pretty confused... maybe he's not allergic to dairy anymore? Or maybe he never was? And was just allergic to soy and or wheat this whole time? My wife has been keeping a food journal to try to track it down. And we're still left wondering what was up....
I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
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So things have gotten better than before but my wife is still struggling through the frustrations of enough of an 'on-demand' supply, pumping, blisters, etc... If she relies on on-demand BFing, he's on her like every hour. Otherwise, she can pump maybe a few ounces *max* at this point in time... I just don't think we'll be able to get by without supplementing on formula. And we actually have started doing so. Weird thing is we think he has food allergies (in addition to reflux) to dairy at least. My wife started cutting soy and wheat out too. His #2s were pretty disgusting when she was going all out on eating without any restrictions. Ever since cutting back things have been more tame. But to test the dairy theory out, we actually fed him milk-based formula last night. He hasn't been fussy at all. And we haven't notice anything too out of the ordinary with his #2s either. So we're pretty confused... maybe he's not allergic to dairy anymore? Or maybe he never was? And was just allergic to soy and or wheat this whole time? My wife has been keeping a food journal to try to track it down. And we're still left wondering what was up....
I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
One thing my ped. told me is that kids grow. Expect weird shit to happen during a growth spurt; anything from gross poop to not sleeping to crazy fuzzy/clingy to eating anything under the moon.
I pumped while at work for 6 months. My supply actually went up because of the consistent double pumping vs my ADD baby. Have a plan to take care of the milk and clean the bottles. We always had a least a days supply in the fridge in bottles, oldest milk to the front. The rest of it went in storage bags, laid flat until they froze, then again stacked by age. The lovely people on Pinterest had examples for days of methods of organization.
Some days it was stressful, but once we got the hang of it, mostly it was just another thing in our day.
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My supply went down a bit when I returned to work after my second baby, but she didn't even consume what I was pumping during the day. (Much to DH's distress. She hated the bottle.) So she started "reverse cycling" and caught up at nighttime, which is quite common. Slightly annoying, but I just cared that she was getting enough. Plus I felt slightly guilty that I wasn't home with her during the day, so she kinda got a pass on night nursing. And we kinda co-slept, so it didn't hamper my sleeping very much, if at all, to nurse her at night.
I had built up a stash pumping between feedings with my second. I was a SAHM with my. So I only pumped very occasionally for a night with a babysitter (MIL), and to ensure that she "knew" how to use a bottle. But I'm glad I did test out storage of my breastmilk with my first.
It turned out I had excess lipase in my breastmilk. It's an enzyme that helps baby digest milk by breaking down fats. And it works while the milk is in storage. The result, if you don't deactivate the lipase by heating the milk, is milk that tastes soapy or metallic within a day of storage. Safe, but most babies will refuse to drink it. So I had to scald all my milk to deactivate the lipase! I'd pump into glass bottles, stick a kitchen thermometer in it, pop into a bottle warmer, ignored the instructions to only put x amount of water in the warmer, and basically have my milk in boiling water until it was at 150 degrees or so. IDK how common this is, I'm the only mom I know that has had to deal with this, but I've read horror stories of moms with gallons stashed away during maternity leave, only to go to work and find out their baby won't touch the stuff. Heartbreaking!
I also stopped sterilizing all the bottles, nipples, caps, and rings after about a month of pumping, bottle feeding. I had been doing it every single day. DH reasoned that our kid stuck a million things in her mouth, none of which were sterilized. That really made the evening routine easier. She is alive and well.
And if you end up supplementing with more formula anyway, please appreciate that you did your best with this whole feeding thing. It's quite evident from this thread that you didn't just throw in the towel after the first speed bump.
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Coming at this from the angle of it being your (her) desire to exclusively BF:
1. STOP supplementing formula unless an IBCLC tells you to. Nursing every hour is how you build up the supply. It is normal to only pump 2-3 oz- that is all the baby needs. You are screwing all that up if you are giving formula bottles. You need to stop formula immediately and have a professional evaluate whether your wife is producing enough (the answer is most likely yes). The number 1 way people screw up nursing is by thinking they don't have enough milk, giving formula, and then ending up with not enough milk because they gave formula!
2. Yes, small babies nurse every hour. Its normal. It sucks. If she wants to nurse, that is life. Set up camp on the couch with a book, a drink, a snack, and some Netflix.
3. The dairy allergy thing is a total head game. Very few babies have an actual sensitivity. Many mothers are willing to try ANYTHING to make the fussing and crying stop. It doesn't hurt to try as long as she can still get plenty of calories. But be aware that this is mostly a case of trying anything because its better than trying nothing.
4. I went back to work at ~10 weeks with kid 1. Starting at ~6 weeks, I nursed baby every morning at around 8 am. He would fall asleep for a nap. I would pump at ~8:30 for a long time- well after milk stopped coming out. At first I got basically nothing. But within a week of that, I was pumping a couple oz. and by the time I returned to work I got ~10 oz. every morning to stock the freezer. This worked well for several reasons. Supply is highest in the morning so its the easiest time to pump lots. I did it daily, so my body started to figure out "this kid is super duper hungry every day at 8:30 am!". I let the baby nurse so he was fed, and did it well before another feed, so by the time he nursed again at 9:30 am, I had filled up again.
5. Even if baby wants to nurse constantly, he isn't "starving" and there is not "no milk there, because he just nursed, so we better give formula". Your wife is constantly producing. If he is still nursing, he is still getting milk- and if she feels empty, baby is getting the really good high fat milk! She never runs out.
Ok, that was long. Ignore it all if you guys are happier on formula. But don't kid yourself that a bottle of formula a day is no big deal- most women will lose their whole supply if they go down that road. Make sure you are making a conscious choice to switch to formula. And it is a perfectly fine choice- but make sure it is a choice. Ask me how I know- kid #2 ended up 100% formula fed at 7 months!
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But don't kid yourself that a bottle of formula a day is no big deal- most women will lose their whole supply if they go down that road. Make sure you are making a conscious choice to switch to formula. And it is a perfectly fine choice- but make sure it is a choice. Ask me how I know- kid #2 ended up 100% formula fed at 7 months!
Totally support exclusive breast feeding, but just to add another experience -- my wife also struggled w/ supply. Baby was just @ birthweight at 1 month. We met w/ two IBCLCs. We've been supplementing w/ 2 oz of formula per day for 3 mos (we're 6 mos in). Her supply has remained the same. That said, she does try to pump at least this amount everyday -- so we mix 1/2 and 1/2 formula and breastmilk, making 1 4 oz bottle that we use for supplementing. So, for us, supplementing a little hasn't been a big deal.
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I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
My supply was up noticeably from immediately post-partum, by about a month in, but I'm not sure it ever increased noticeably after that despite my persistent BFing-followed-by-pumping, etc.
I used formula, as mentioned previously in this thread, from one week in, to be sure the LO was getting enough to eat (he wasn't getting enough from me). That never changed. I pumped at work (and of course saved what I pumped at home, though I never had to freeze anything or built up a stash -- it got used almost as soon as it emerged...), and saved and used that too, of course, but I also always used formula. It frustrated me at the time, but ~8 years later, I don't give it a second thought.
Good luck to both of you. In my experience, parenting gets easier as the LOs get older.
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I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
My supply was up noticeably from immediately post-partum, by about a month in, but I'm not sure it ever increased noticeably after that despite my persistent BFing-followed-by-pumping, etc.
I used formula, as mentioned previously in this thread, from one week in, to be sure the LO was getting enough to eat (he wasn't getting enough from me). That never changed. I pumped at work (and of course saved what I pumped at home, though I never had to freeze anything or built up a stash -- it got used almost as soon as it emerged...), and saved and used that too, of course, but I also always used formula. It frustrated me at the time, but ~8 years later, I don't give it a second thought.
Good luck to both of you. In my experience, parenting gets easier as the LOs get older.
I was similar. The daycare gave her formula during the day. I pumped right before starting work and every 2.5 hours (including right after work while DH got our daughter). That was barely enough to feed her breastmilk in the evenings and weekends.
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Milk-based formula is not the same as milk. Both my kids thrived on milk formula (hey, I tried... made it the first time till I got knocked up again and the second time until I started an internship/day care when baby was about 7 months) and both developed eczema during the whole milk transition. The proteins and whatnot are different, so it is totally possible that baby could have problems with dairy but not with formula.
Some moms can pump enough to exclusively breastfeed and there are all sorts of tricks online. And some of us just can't. Putting bottles of formula in the daycare fridge next to the other baby's bags of breastmilk was not my finest moment, but it all worked out.
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So things have gotten better than before but my wife is still struggling through the frustrations of enough of an 'on-demand' supply, pumping, blisters, etc... If she relies on on-demand BFing, he's on her like every hour. Otherwise, she can pump maybe a few ounces *max* at this point in time... I just don't think we'll be able to get by without supplementing on formula. And we actually have started doing so. Weird thing is we think he has food allergies (in addition to reflux) to dairy at least. My wife started cutting soy and wheat out too. His #2s were pretty disgusting when she was going all out on eating without any restrictions. Ever since cutting back things have been more tame. But to test the dairy theory out, we actually fed him milk-based formula last night. He hasn't been fussy at all. And we haven't notice anything too out of the ordinary with his #2s either. So we're pretty confused... maybe he's not allergic to dairy anymore? Or maybe he never was? And was just allergic to soy and or wheat this whole time? My wife has been keeping a food journal to try to track it down. And we're still left wondering what was up....
I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
Every baby is different and every mom is different. Plus, growth spurts can really freak you out. How old is the baby? Because my kids hit growth spurts right on schedule.
I know moms who nursed twins and built up a stash.
My supply actually was fine while working - I would nurse in the morning, and then pump until it was all out. Then I'd pump at work, and then I'd nurse the rest of the time, including holidays and weekends. On weekends, I always pumped in the morning after the first nursing.
Some moms might not make enough milk. Formula is only going to make that worse. On the other hand, I have mom friends who had to pump only for a few weeks due to nursing issues (and supplemented with formula), but were able to go back to breastfeeding exclusively. You just never know.
My first son never had formula.
My second son - I had plugged duct issues (with both really), and at 8.5 months, I was just over it. So I stopped pumping and started supplementing. For both boys, they weaned themselves, almost exactly 6 weeks after I stopped pumping. For my older son, that was 6 weeks after he turned 1 year old. For my second, it was 10 months, almost on the nose. I think that when I stopped pumping, my supply gradually went down and both boys said "eh, not worth the effort".
How old is your baby? Seriously, it sounds like you've been trying really hard. Sometimes you get past 6 weeks, or 3 months, and it's easy street. Sometimes it's not. I loved nursing when it went well but it was such a relief to stop pumping. I hated that damn thing, and the plugged ducts.
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It might be that the people for whom breastfeeding is going well CHOOSE not to talk about it. I know I felt like a braggart when I said I had oversupply, but I had to go to BF support group to learn how to deal with it. My baby was gagging from all that milk. I didn't talk about it a lot because for me it was so special and so easy, and I had so many friends who were NOT having an easy time of it. I never had plugged ducts, blisters, infections, or even chapped nipples. Just a little bruising from a hard latch.
And it might be that they forget the fog of those early weeks. That's also a factor here :)
My baby was born small but gained at a fantastic rate. I credit my high-protein high-fat diet - it produces very calorie dense milk. My BF support group leader pulled me aside one day after the meeting and asked me if she could publicly ask me about my diet every time I came to meeting, kind of as a "plant". She'd been a lactation consultant for decades and had noticed that the vegetarians and low-fat dieters were much more likely to have trouble maintaining supply, or even if they had good supply, sometimes their babies wouldn't gain enough.
Edited to add: My supply did drop once when I had a stomach flu. It took a week to recover, during which I nearly entirely depleted my freezer stash. But it did come back. I never had oversupply after that though - just adequate supply.
YES it is hard, even if breastfeeding goes well. NOTHING about having a child is truly EASY. Your life is forever, irrevocably complicated. Nobody should feel bad for struggling. That is the essence of parenthood.
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So things have gotten better than before but my wife is still struggling through the frustrations of enough of an 'on-demand' supply, pumping, blisters, etc... If she relies on on-demand BFing, he's on her like every hour. Otherwise, she can pump maybe a few ounces *max* at this point in time... I just don't think we'll be able to get by without supplementing on formula. And we actually have started doing so. Weird thing is we think he has food allergies (in addition to reflux) to dairy at least. My wife started cutting soy and wheat out too. His #2s were pretty disgusting when she was going all out on eating without any restrictions. Ever since cutting back things have been more tame. But to test the dairy theory out, we actually fed him milk-based formula last night. He hasn't been fussy at all. And we haven't notice anything too out of the ordinary with his #2s either. So we're pretty confused... maybe he's not allergic to dairy anymore? Or maybe he never was? And was just allergic to soy and or wheat this whole time? My wife has been keeping a food journal to try to track it down. And we're still left wondering what was up....
I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
Every baby is different and every mom is different. Plus, growth spurts can really freak you out. How old is the baby? Because my kids hit growth spurts right on schedule.
I know moms who nursed twins and built up a stash.
My supply actually was fine while working - I would nurse in the morning, and then pump until it was all out. Then I'd pump at work, and then I'd nurse the rest of the time, including holidays and weekends. On weekends, I always pumped in the morning after the first nursing.
Some moms might not make enough milk. Formula is only going to make that worse. On the other hand, I have mom friends who had to pump only for a few weeks due to nursing issues (and supplemented with formula), but were able to go back to breastfeeding exclusively. You just never know.
My first son never had formula.
My second son - I had plugged duct issues (with both really), and at 8.5 months, I was just over it. So I stopped pumping and started supplementing. For both boys, they weaned themselves, almost exactly 6 weeks after I stopped pumping. For my older son, that was 6 weeks after he turned 1 year old. For my second, it was 10 months, almost on the nose. I think that when I stopped pumping, my supply gradually went down and both boys said "eh, not worth the effort".
How old is your baby? Seriously, it sounds like you've been trying really hard. Sometimes you get past 6 weeks, or 3 months, and it's easy street. Sometimes it's not. I loved nursing when it went well but it was such a relief to stop pumping. I hated that damn thing, and the plugged ducts.
He's at 7 weeks now. My wife only produces a few ounces at most during her pumping sessions. And between that, trying to feed him directly is frustrating since it seems there's just not enough. As a side, I've been hearing a lot of people talking about how quantity improves upon quantity and supply increases with demand like it's the golden rule.... however, we're just not seeing that. And I'm sure lots of other mothers out there don't ever see that. That's why I'm starting to get irked whenever someone mentions it like it is the golden rule (sorry, I don't mean to lash out at anyone but it's super-frustrating trying to figure out what works for you when there are a million possible reasons and solutions).
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It must be really frustrating for your wife to be making these dietary changes and working so hard to pump and not getting results.
You guys are his parents. You get to decide what is best for him! And that includes your own needs, of course.
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Right now my wife is going crazy with the dietary restrictions and trying to figure out what he's allergic to gauging on the color of his poop etc. It's pretty green and slightly yellowish these days so now she's wanting to pick-up some alimentum and or nutromigen to feed him. It's just confusing when some people say don't supplement with formula if breastfeeding while others say mixing the two is completely fine.
Another added frustration is when we do end up feeding him breast milk from the bottle to soothe his whining and then he ends up spitting a lot of it back up... such a waste. smh
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My daughter had allergies to dairy, soy, corn, fish and eggs. I breastfed her exclusively and we found traces of blood in her poop. That is usually a very good sign of allergy. Also, when your wife is eliminating these food groups make sure they are completely eliminated. I removed all the usual culprits of dairy but was eating a biscuit that was dairy free but had whey in it :( and my daughter continued having bloody poop! We ended up with a specialist that made me realize that not even one drop of dairy in any form can get into my body.... And it took two weeks for all traces of dairy to get off my/her system. So if your wife is eliminating food groups, she also needs to give it enough time to totally get off her/the baby's body (it could still be in her blood).
We tried nutramigen and alimentum but my daughter hated the taste of both. We also tried a few more hypoallergenic formulae in market with no luck. Since I ended up being her sole source of food, I ate (from the limited list) almost every two hours and drank gallons of water, fatty soup and juice. In short, keep hydrated!! I also drank mother's milk tea (not sure how much it helped, but I was ready to try anything to increase supply). Also, I pumped three times a day and my daughter consumed all what I produced.
Till she hit 6 months it was touch and go every day. Whatever she didn't eat, I freezed. Once she was able to eat solids, she took to them like a champ. After 6 months, her allergies went away as her gut matured and now she (and I) is able to eat everything. She still doesn't like milk or eggs much but now its more a taste issue than true allergy.
TLDR: keep an eye on baby's poop for traces of blood. That would help you figure out if she is allergic. You can ask your ped to test poop for blood too. Try giving formula, if baby takes it well and good. Please don't stress about breastfeeding. PM me if you need more info.
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He's at 7 weeks now. My wife only produces a few ounces at most during her pumping sessions. And between that, trying to feed him directly is frustrating since it seems there's just not enough. As a side, I've been hearing a lot of people talking about how quantity improves upon quantity and supply increases with demand like it's the golden rule.... however, we're just not seeing that. And I'm sure lots of other mothers out there don't ever see that. That's why I'm starting to get irked whenever someone mentions it like it is the golden rule (sorry, I don't mean to lash out at anyone but it's super-frustrating trying to figure out what works for you when there are a million possible reasons and solutions).
I'm sorry you're dealing with this and finding it so (understandably) frustrating.
I needed extensive medical help to get pregnant, something many women achieve "without even trying." Though I don't see a lot of discussion of this issue/possibility, I have to assume that just as is true of other bodily parts/systems (e.g. my reproductive tract, our ability to nurse babies and produce enough milk ... isn't always functional (or fully functional). We are (truly) fortunate in the contemporary developed world that we have nutritionally sound, safe options. I don't mean to diminish the struggles you are having or your wife's difficulties in deciding how to proceed -- those are real, and they matter. Yet at the same time, you and she do have other options -- not perfect ones, and not ones that seem satisfactory, perhaps, but ones that can work for you and your LO.
Hang in there. You'll get through this. And I really am sorry this is so hard.
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My son was born two months early, so we had some challenges. We also had some advantages, including my wonderful SIL, a pediatrician, who kept telling me "you do what works for you." I nursed my son for almost three years but supplemented with formula regularly. Once she gave me the go-ahead, I didn't worry any more. Son was probably 80% breast fed. But not having to worry about supply made things a lot easier. I'm all for nursing (it made plane flights so much easier) but I'm all for NOT WORRYING ABOUT IT. And her advise was the best ever. Son is now seventeen and working on chemistry homework with his father as I type. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU and get some sleep.
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Only recommendation I can give on all of this is:
Schedules
i.e. Save our Sleep by Tizzie Hall
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My son was born two months early, so we had some challenges. We also had some advantages, including my wonderful SIL, a pediatrician, who kept telling me "you do what works for you." I nursed my son for almost three years but supplemented with formula regularly. Once she gave me the go-ahead, I didn't worry any more. Son was probably 80% breast fed. But not having to worry about supply made things a lot easier. I'm all for nursing (it made plane flights so much easier) but I'm all for NOT WORRYING ABOUT IT. And her advise was the best ever. Son is now seventeen and working on chemistry homework with his father as I type. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU and get some sleep.
Thanks, the other thing we're pretty concerned about is the amount of sleep that *he* is getting. He's probably getting 11-12hrs max on a given day. The interwebs says 18 hours is optimal... uh that seems pretty unlikely at the rate we're headed.
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Right now my wife is going crazy with the dietary restrictions and trying to figure out what he's allergic to gauging on the color of his poop etc. It's pretty green and slightly yellowish these days so now she's wanting to pick-up some alimentum and or nutromigen to feed him. It's just confusing when some people say don't supplement with formula if breastfeeding while others say mixing the two is completely fine.
Another added frustration is when we do end up feeding him breast milk from the bottle to soothe his whining and then he ends up spitting a lot of it back up... such a waste. smh
Oh, actually yeah, that brings back suppressed memories. We actually had the opposite problem as you guys where the lactation consultant told me to pump directly after feeding him to get up supply because he had a bad latch. So I did, but never stopped and by the time he was 3 months old I was producing enough for triplets. He'd get too much of the foremilk and then yak it up. He'd end up fussy because he didn't get any of the hind milk so he was hungry... it was a frustrating mess. Fun fact, that imbalance also turns a kid's poo green.
I know this is off topic, but ECFE classes were a life saver for me. Being able to bounce all these issues off of other sleep deprived parents in a similar state was awesome.
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So things have gotten better than before but my wife is still struggling through the frustrations of enough of an 'on-demand' supply, pumping, blisters, etc... If she relies on on-demand BFing, he's on her like every hour. Otherwise, she can pump maybe a few ounces *max* at this point in time... I just don't think we'll be able to get by without supplementing on formula. And we actually have started doing so. Weird thing is we think he has food allergies (in addition to reflux) to dairy at least. My wife started cutting soy and wheat out too. His #2s were pretty disgusting when she was going all out on eating without any restrictions. Ever since cutting back things have been more tame. But to test the dairy theory out, we actually fed him milk-based formula last night. He hasn't been fussy at all. And we haven't notice anything too out of the ordinary with his #2s either. So we're pretty confused... maybe he's not allergic to dairy anymore? Or maybe he never was? And was just allergic to soy and or wheat this whole time? My wife has been keeping a food journal to try to track it down. And we're still left wondering what was up....
I don't know how we're going to tackle supply once she goes back to work. Should we expect for her supply to really increase *that* much by the time she goes back? I have serious doubts. Anyway, for those of you who have been in this situation where you have to pump at work or before going back to work while still on leave, how do you strategize and prepare for it? How do you build up a 'sustaining' supply that long in advance? And what are the rotations to work through? It's all very overwhelming thinking about how things are going to be once I'm at home with the kid and my wife is at work all day.
Every baby is different and every mom is different. Plus, growth spurts can really freak you out. How old is the baby? Because my kids hit growth spurts right on schedule.
I know moms who nursed twins and built up a stash.
My supply actually was fine while working - I would nurse in the morning, and then pump until it was all out. Then I'd pump at work, and then I'd nurse the rest of the time, including holidays and weekends. On weekends, I always pumped in the morning after the first nursing.
Some moms might not make enough milk. Formula is only going to make that worse. On the other hand, I have mom friends who had to pump only for a few weeks due to nursing issues (and supplemented with formula), but were able to go back to breastfeeding exclusively. You just never know.
My first son never had formula.
My second son - I had plugged duct issues (with both really), and at 8.5 months, I was just over it. So I stopped pumping and started supplementing. For both boys, they weaned themselves, almost exactly 6 weeks after I stopped pumping. For my older son, that was 6 weeks after he turned 1 year old. For my second, it was 10 months, almost on the nose. I think that when I stopped pumping, my supply gradually went down and both boys said "eh, not worth the effort".
How old is your baby? Seriously, it sounds like you've been trying really hard. Sometimes you get past 6 weeks, or 3 months, and it's easy street. Sometimes it's not. I loved nursing when it went well but it was such a relief to stop pumping. I hated that damn thing, and the plugged ducts.
He's at 7 weeks now. My wife only produces a few ounces at most during her pumping sessions. And between that, trying to feed him directly is frustrating since it seems there's just not enough. As a side, I've been hearing a lot of people talking about how quantity improves upon quantity and supply increases with demand like it's the golden rule.... however, we're just not seeing that. And I'm sure lots of other mothers out there don't ever see that. That's why I'm starting to get irked whenever someone mentions it like it is the golden rule (sorry, I don't mean to lash out at anyone but it's super-frustrating trying to figure out what works for you when there are a million possible reasons and solutions).
No, it's totally true. See, you only know your own experiences, and everyone else is the same.
The "textbook" is - obviously, if you supplement, it is not going to help your supply. If you want to breastfeed, you need to breastfeed. And pump. (And FYI, 6 weeks is a classic growth spurt).
But only YOU know how it's going for YOU. I know several people who had problems nursing. I belonged to a new mom's group with 50 women in it. And there were two who could not breastfeed. They didn't make enough milk, they tried everything thrown at them by the LC's. More nursing, more pumping, mother's milk tea, fenugreek, etc. etc. etc.
And they quit. And my one good friend shrugged and said "I did my best". And she was happy.
And a couple of women were sobbing SOBBING because they felt they had failed. Honey, it's okay. You are okay, the baby is okay.
Of course there were many many women who nursed and supplemented with formula (exactly what I did with #2).
A lot of people will give you advice on how to make it work, or will judge you in person or secretly for what you are and aren't doing. That's true of everyone. YOU guys know if you've tried everything, WE don't. (And by "everything", I mean "everything you are willing to try"). Seriously, don't let it stress you out. Do your best and if you need formula, you need it. What's important is a healthy happy baby, and mama and daddy.
(You know, my mom was grossed out by breastfeeding. I was 100% formula fed. I turned out okay.)
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I breastfed for 18 months. I was lucky; it was easy. But there's really very little scientific research that indicates any longterm benefit from breastfeeding. And to the extent that there is any benefit, it's from *some* breastfeeding, not *exclusive* breastfeeding. On the other hand, there's a very strong research base for the importance of a mother's psychological wellbeing on infant development. So if trying to breastfeed - and particularly, trying to breastfeed exclusively - is creating anxiety, it really might not be worth it.
A few articles, if you want to read more:
http://www.babble.com/baby/benefits-of-breastfeeding-baby-formula-feeding/ (the author of this has a book that lays out the research in more depth)
and http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/
Also, if you are considering formula feeding (including supplementation), this is a great resource for support: http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/
I loved breastfeeding, so I don't want to diminish the desire that your wife has to keep at it. A good (IBCLC) lactation consultant can be worth her weight in gold, if that's the goal. But really, your kid will be 100% fine regardless of what percent of their diet is breastmilk.
On a smaller note, green/yellow poop is pretty normal. Green poop with mucus can be a sign of mild allergy or oversupply. Black or bloody poop is when you get concerned.
And are you getting good medical advice on the reflux? Spitting alone is not a problem, even in pretty large amounts, but if it's causing distress, then it might need to be medicated. My experience of parenting got about 100% better when we got my daughter's reflux under control.
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That's so frustrating. So sorry to hear you guys are still struggling.
I am a pro-breastfeeder. I nursed both my babies - my son until 16 months. If it's not working, IT'S OKAY TO QUIT.
I put my son (after successfully nursing #1) through a lot of unnecessary torture. We did make it through and like I said, nursed until 16 months. But, IT WAS NOT WORTH IT. I still wonder if it contributed to him being such a difficult, fussy baby (he was a challenge throughout his baby and toddler-hood). My heart breaks when I think of how horrible that time was, both for him and for me.
Yes, give it your all (sounds like you are). And please, please, please, see a professional lactation consultant. If #1 doesn't seem to be helping, try #2 (they vary a LOT in abilities and knowledge). It is worth every penny. I thought I could manage without (after all, I had nursed #1 for 10 months). I talked to a lot of "experts" until I found my consultant - she made all the difference in the world.
But, I repeat again...if it's not working, IT'S OKAY TO QUIT.
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That's so frustrating. So sorry to hear you guys are still struggling.
I am a pro-breastfeeder. I nursed both my babies - my son until 16 months. If it's not working, IT'S OKAY TO QUIT.
I put my son (after successfully nursing #1) through a lot of unnecessary torture. We did make it through and like I said, nursed until 16 months. But, IT WAS NOT WORTH IT. I still wonder if it contributed to him being such a difficult, fussy baby (he was a challenge throughout his baby and toddler-hood). My heart breaks when I think of how horrible that time was, both for him and for me.
Yes, give it your all (sounds like you are). And please, please, please, see a professional lactation consultant. If #1 doesn't seem to be helping, try #2 (they vary a LOT in abilities and knowledge). It is worth every penny. I thought I could manage without (after all, I had nursed #1 for 10 months). I talked to a lot of "experts" until I found my consultant - she made all the difference in the world.
But, I repeat again...if it's not working, IT'S OKAY TO QUIT.
+1 to the infinity power
For many reasons, my first had a combination of breastmilk, bottle, boob, and formula. I wanted for him to be a content breastfeeder so badly. Wanted those moments where we sat calmly and he nursed and we bonded. Like many things in life, the actual expierence was nothing like it had been advertised. One of the NICU nurses reminded me that regardless of whether we fed him breastmilk or formula from a bottle or nursing, he was going to be just fine. The difference in outcome for a breastfed baby vs a formula fed baby may be statistically significant, but in reality - either one is fine. There are so many things that effect development - having 2 caring parents who will move mountains to do what is best for him is the one that really counts.
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Right now my wife is going crazy with the dietary restrictions and trying to figure out what he's allergic to gauging on the color of his poop etc. It's pretty green and slightly yellowish these days so now she's wanting to pick-up some alimentum and or nutromigen to feed him. It's just confusing when some people say don't supplement with formula if breastfeeding while others say mixing the two is completely fine.
Another added frustration is when we do end up feeding him breast milk from the bottle to soothe his whining and then he ends up spitting a lot of it back up... such a waste. smh
Thanks, the other thing we're pretty concerned about is the amount of sleep that *he* is getting. He's probably getting 11-12hrs max on a given day. The interwebs says 18 hours is optimal... uh that seems pretty unlikely at the rate we're headed.
I'm sorry to hear this is going on JPlee3, and know what you are going through. My wife struggled to breastfeed our daughter due to our daughter's food protein allergy. My wife went to a strict elimination diet-- she was hardly eating anything-- and we still could not find a diet that worked for daughter because she reacted to pretty much anything through breast milk and would spit up most of what she ate. We had similar problems with sleep-- they say a baby should sleep 18 hours a day, ours screamed in pain for 18 hours a day. She went from 50th percentile in weight at birth to below the 10th percentile and lost weight from three months old to four months old. We had to give up on breast feeding. The hypoallergenic formulas, like allamentum (spelling?), available in stores did not help.
Our family doctor gave us a very knowledgeable referral to a pediatric gastroenterologist who specializes infant food allergies. The doc diagnosed the condition and prescribed a special formula not available in most stores that daughter could tolerate. After a few days on the formula, it was like having a different child. She slept better, did not scream in pain, and ate eagerly.
Please feel free to PM me if you want more details.
Hang in there! Try to get as much sleep as you can and try to stay positive. Support your wife in whatever way you can because she will need it--there is no feeling that will mess with a mother's head more than the feeling of not being able to feed her child.
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OP - so sorry to hear about this. I was in an almost identical situation last year and shed many tears. From the moment my milk came in I never seemed to have enough to satisfy my LO - tried nursing every hour to increase supply at the beginning and also tried pumping. Had latch issues due to my anatomy. Ended up with a plugged duct and mastitis - nursed and pumped through that and was left with very little supply. It was heartbreaking that I couldn't provide enough for LO and the hormonal roller coaster did not help. When we broke down and supplemented LO was instantly a more content baby and started sleeping better, and had more energy for play during the day. We had some trial and error with the formula but ended up feeding LO Gerber Goodstart Gentle which was tolerated very well.
LO's pediatrician also was incredible during this process and not judgmental about me not being able to BF. They also explained what to expect with formula poo and that the digestive system is still developing during the first 6 weeks - they recommended formula and said to stick with one formula for at least 2 weeks then gradually ease into the next formula (1/4 new + 3/4 old, then half and half, etc.) unless there was a clear allergic reaction/LOTS of vomiting. LO did not tolerate Similac so switched to Gerber. After about a week (~5 weeks old) the diaper situation started to settle down. Sure enough, at 6 weeks old LO settled into a predictable #2 pattern and hasn't had a blow-out since.
Until my friend delivered, everyone I knew, including my mom, never had issues with BF and nobody really understood what I was going through. If your wife wants someone to talk to who has been in the trenches, feel free to PM me.
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Here's another curve ball - now he's been getting *super* fussy at the breast and just whines presumably because he's taking the preference of the bottle over it. My wife is going back to work in about a week and is all concerned about her BFing efforts. So in a scenario like this where he starts disliking breastfeeding, what do you guys recommend doing? Just switching over to formula and supplementing with pumped (or as much as can be pumped) breast milk? She's just starting to wonder if it's even worth it to bother with BFing when it seems to pay no dividend at this point in time.
Super frustrating...
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Here's another curve ball - now he's been getting *super* fussy at the breast and just whines presumably because he's taking the preference of the bottle over it. My wife is going back to work in about a week and is all concerned about her BFing efforts. So in a scenario like this where he starts disliking breastfeeding, what do you guys recommend doing? Just switching over to formula and supplementing with pumped (or as much as can be pumped) breast milk? She's just starting to wonder if it's even worth it to bother with BFing when it seems to pay no dividend at this point in time.
Super frustrating...
My daughter hated hated hated nursing. Like, she'd fight to get away from the breast. I finally gave up and formula fed. I'm not in the business of making my daughter miserable for what, at best, are minimal benefits.
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Dang - I'd pump if she can handle it, just because it's frugal, but I hated pumping and bottle feeding with a passion - so much crap to clean, plus you do double duty in pumping/feeding. Hated it so much that I just didn't do it, and pretty much just left for a short period of time or took the kid with me always.
If she's going back to work, and he seems happy with the formula, I'd really just do it. You guys are having such a rough go of it - something needs to give - and I'm generally pretty encouraging when it comes to breastfeeding.
One option is to pump until she has a letdown (milk comes quickly and that weird sensation happens) and then see if he's fussy. He probably is ticked because the flow is slower until letdown happens.
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How long has this been going on? It could be a temporary "nursing strike" phase that will pass. If your wife would prefer to continue breastfeeding she could look into ideas on how to get through a nursing strike. If she'd like to wean, returning to work seems like a good time for it. A lot depends on how she, you, and baby are feeling.
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How long has this been going on? It could be a temporary "nursing strike" phase that will pass. If your wife would prefer to continue breastfeeding she could look into ideas on how to get through a nursing strike. If she'd like to wean, returning to work seems like a good time for it. A lot depends on how she, you, and baby are feeling.
It started recently in the past few days. Her concern is with wanting to keep BFing despite returning to work and if she even should if he's going to end up being on the bottle most of the time. Like, what's the point of continuing to BF if he's being fussy AND if she's not going to be able to BF exclusively as much in another week...
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BFing is tough for sure and requires ditching almost all of your expectations of how parenting an infant works. I read all sorts of books about what babies should do in regards to feeding and scheduling while I was pregnant. Oddly enough, my baby didn't get the memo. Once I stopped reading those books and started feeding on demand, and yes that meant every hour sometimes for hours at a time, things got a lot better. What I realized is that modern society and breastfeeding don't mix well; it is isn't the mechanics of breastfeeding that is the problem most of time. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my kids when they were infants and I can honestly say that if I had to work, I would not have been able to BF. Personally, I could never really get much milk with a pump, so that would not have worked out and I would have had to switch to formula or get breastmilk donated (another option if you are not opposed to it).
There is a lot more to parenting than breastfeeding, so if it is not working out, no sweat. Don't let the "I shoulds" take over your brain. Trust me, in a year, you will wonder why you ever worried about this.
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Honestly, with all the struggles you guys are having - I would advise you to wean the baby (and I'm very pro-breastfeeding). It doesn't sound like it's working out well. You've both been giving it a ton of effort and time. Plus she is going back to work (where the logistics of pumping takes a very dedicated breastfeeder).
Pat yourselves on the back for getting this far and give yourselves a pass. Formula fed babies do great...and if this reduces your stress and makes you better parents, baby will benefit far more than a few extra months on breastmilk.
If your wife wants to give it a last-ditch effort, I really, really, really recommend spending the money on a lactation consultant. A good one can really be worth her weight in gold (especially since breastmilk is much cheaper in the long run than formula).
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I'm just happy my wife got accepted at the best hospital in our area... just need to wait to read over the benefits to figure out about how much it will cost to have a baby with their insurance tho. :) Hopefully free.
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My wife noticed that he seems to be going for BFing but *only* when she's engorged :T We think he's just super impatient and the slow let-down isn't helping.
I'm not sure how, if at all, one can "cure" an impatient baby.... if anyone has tips though, please send them along!
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Jplee - if she expresses first or pumps a bit until the letdown, then latches him on, then that might work. Prime the pump so to speak, so he gets the letdown right off the bat.
I actually used to do that for the opposite reason, my daughter was small and the letdown was like a fire hose in her mouth so I would have her nurse until the letdown and then have her latch after the pressure was released a bit.
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My wife noticed that he seems to be going for BFing but *only* when she's engorged :T We think he's just super impatient and the slow let-down isn't helping.
I'm not sure how, if at all, one can "cure" an impatient baby.... if anyone has tips though, please send them along!
If she does breast compressions while nursing that will cause the milk to flow faster. Breast compressions can also help with pumping output.
I haven't read a lot of the earlier posts. Are you guys feeding on demand or based on a schedule?
I nursed both my children (daughter until 27 months and son until 21 months). With my first, I was a militant BFer. By that I mean no supplementation, very careful not to send bottles that were too large to daycare, very focused on my supply, etc. With my second, I really didn't have the drive to be that way anymore. LOL. I was exhausted. I did what I could, but did supplement with formula at daycare after being back at work for a few months and I weaned off the pump when he was around 8 months old and started just sending formula to daycare. I have to say, of the 2 experiences, the second was better.
How many bottles is the baby getting right now? If your wife wants to continue, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If she wants to combo feed, the best way is to nurse when mom and baby are together and keep the bottles at daycare. She's more likely to make it long term the more she nurses/pumps now while the baby is younger, but it's a completely valid choice to decide to take it as it comes and be happy with that. If she just wanted to nurse in the mornings when her supply is the highest, then she could do that and leave the ball in the baby's court as when to wean completely.
Basically, it just depends on what your wife wants to do. If she's tired of it all, she could just quit. It would be OK. If she really wants to make it a certain amount of time, then she needs to nurse/pump as much as possible and then she can relax after her supply is more established. If she just wants to relax now, she can certainly do that and just go with the flow. Honestly, the most enjoyable nursing is when the whole thing is relaxed. I always say that the best time nursing was when my children were over a year old because I didn't have to worry about being their main food source anymore. :)
Hugs to your wife. These seem like such huge decisions when you're in the thick of it, but after you get a little removed (my youngest is almost 4), you remember very little of it.
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Jplee - if she expresses first or pumps a bit until the letdown, then latches him on, then that might work. Prime the pump so to speak, so he gets the letdown right off the bat.
I actually used to do that for the opposite reason, my daughter was small and the letdown was like a fire hose in her mouth so I would have her nurse until the letdown and then have her latch after the pressure was released a bit.
Thanks for the advice - I let her know about this tactic and she'll try it next time. But from what she's observed, her flow is just slow in general.
Addendum: to add flames to the fire, she asked one of her friends if she needed regular formula (since we can't give him the dairy-based stuff) and her friend was like "Oh, no thanks. I don't need it - my supply is pretty good" - couldn't she have just said a simple "No thanks" without explaining why? Arg.... do people just not get it or something?
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My wife noticed that he seems to be going for BFing but *only* when she's engorged :T We think he's just super impatient and the slow let-down isn't helping.
I'm not sure how, if at all, one can "cure" an impatient baby.... if anyone has tips though, please send them along!
If she does breast compressions while nursing that will cause the milk to flow faster. Breast compressions can also help with pumping output.
I haven't read a lot of the earlier posts. Are you guys feeding on demand or based on a schedule?
I nursed both my children (daughter until 27 months and son until 21 months). With my first, I was a militant BFer. By that I mean no supplementation, very careful not to send bottles that were too large to daycare, very focused on my supply, etc. With my second, I really didn't have the drive to be that way anymore. LOL. I was exhausted. I did what I could, but did supplement with formula at daycare after being back at work for a few months and I weaned off the pump when he was around 8 months old and started just sending formula to daycare. I have to say, of the 2 experiences, the second was better.
How many bottles is the baby getting right now? If your wife wants to continue, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If she wants to combo feed, the best way is to nurse when mom and baby are together and keep the bottles at daycare. She's more likely to make it long term the more she nurses/pumps now while the baby is younger, but it's a completely valid choice to decide to take it as it comes and be happy with that. If she just wanted to nurse in the mornings when her supply is the highest, then she could do that and leave the ball in the baby's court as when to wean completely.
Basically, it just depends on what your wife wants to do. If she's tired of it all, she could just quit. It would be OK. If she really wants to make it a certain amount of time, then she needs to nurse/pump as much as possible and then she can relax after her supply is more established. If she just wants to relax now, she can certainly do that and just go with the flow. Honestly, the most enjoyable nursing is when the whole thing is relaxed. I always say that the best time nursing was when my children were over a year old because I didn't have to worry about being their main food source anymore. :)
Hugs to your wife. These seem like such huge decisions when you're in the thick of it, but after you get a little removed (my youngest is almost 4), you remember very little of it.
I'll also recommend that she use 'compressions' but I feel like she has tried that and nothing seems to help much. Anyway, she's so close to calling it quits with this now, of course with all the burden of guilt that "she's unable to supply for her baby on her own" etc. What's going to stink is that the specialized formulas cost quite a bit more than the regular stuff... I wonder if you can DIY make this stuff (obviously outside of the context of breast milk supply) :(
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My wife noticed that he seems to be going for BFing but *only* when she's engorged :T We think he's just super impatient and the slow let-down isn't helping.
I'm not sure how, if at all, one can "cure" an impatient baby.... if anyone has tips though, please send them along!
If she does breast compressions while nursing that will cause the milk to flow faster. Breast compressions can also help with pumping output.
I haven't read a lot of the earlier posts. Are you guys feeding on demand or based on a schedule?
I nursed both my children (daughter until 27 months and son until 21 months). With my first, I was a militant BFer. By that I mean no supplementation, very careful not to send bottles that were too large to daycare, very focused on my supply, etc. With my second, I really didn't have the drive to be that way anymore. LOL. I was exhausted. I did what I could, but did supplement with formula at daycare after being back at work for a few months and I weaned off the pump when he was around 8 months old and started just sending formula to daycare. I have to say, of the 2 experiences, the second was better.
How many bottles is the baby getting right now? If your wife wants to continue, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If she wants to combo feed, the best way is to nurse when mom and baby are together and keep the bottles at daycare. She's more likely to make it long term the more she nurses/pumps now while the baby is younger, but it's a completely valid choice to decide to take it as it comes and be happy with that. If she just wanted to nurse in the mornings when her supply is the highest, then she could do that and leave the ball in the baby's court as when to wean completely.
Basically, it just depends on what your wife wants to do. If she's tired of it all, she could just quit. It would be OK. If she really wants to make it a certain amount of time, then she needs to nurse/pump as much as possible and then she can relax after her supply is more established. If she just wants to relax now, she can certainly do that and just go with the flow. Honestly, the most enjoyable nursing is when the whole thing is relaxed. I always say that the best time nursing was when my children were over a year old because I didn't have to worry about being their main food source anymore. :)
Hugs to your wife. These seem like such huge decisions when you're in the thick of it, but after you get a little removed (my youngest is almost 4), you remember very little of it.
I'll also recommend that she use 'compressions' but I feel like she has tried that and nothing seems to help much. Anyway, she's so close to calling it quits with this now, of course with all the burden of guilt that "she's unable to supply for her baby on her own" etc. What's going to stink is that the specialized formulas cost quite a bit more than the regular stuff... I wonder if you can DIY make this stuff (obviously outside of the context of breast milk supply) :(
It's much easier said than done, but she needs to let that go. I struggled with infertility and it's hard to get past the anger/guilt that your body doesn't do what it's "built to do." People have gone nuts over breastfeeding and the perfect birth, etc. and it's really a detriment to mothers. Focus on that sweet little face and try to forget about all the noise.
As far as the formula, I would not try to DIY. (Funny story, I found a formula recipe in my father's baby book and it was not what I would have expected, especially the orange juice!?!) Just bite the bullet and buy it. The first year flies by.
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Whether it's breastfeeding (which is the current dilemma my wife is in - not seemingly producing enough and feeling like she may need to supplement with formula) to how well/much the baby sleeps at night. My wife is discouraged because it just seems like quite a few people haven't really had these issues; I know it's not something to feel bad about and I'm sure I'm gonna hear "It's never actually what people make it out to be" etc but it really sucks. I guess this is part of the whole postpartum depression thing... or adds onto it if anything. The whole [lack of] breast milk supply is really a revelation to us - either a lot of our friends aren't telling us something (out of shame maybe?) or they all have an abundant supply of flowing milk... *confused* I guess it's sort of a private thing for most people, but for something that can affect someone as much as this, I think it's good to share these disappointments and expectations and to be up front with anyone else who is an expecting mother.
Again, just another rant as a new/first-time parent.
I'm a first time dad with 3 month year old twins. So multiply what you're feeling X 2. Yeah.
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This is a tough age. I think it was at five months that I truly felt my daughter was happy and that we were doing a good job. You're more than halfway there and the growth over the next couple of years is astonishing and wonderful.
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Jplee - if she expresses first or pumps a bit until the letdown, then latches him on, then that might work. Prime the pump so to speak, so he gets the letdown right off the bat.
I actually used to do that for the opposite reason, my daughter was small and the letdown was like a fire hose in her mouth so I would have her nurse until the letdown and then have her latch after the pressure was released a bit.
Thanks for the advice - I let her know about this tactic and she'll try it next time. But from what she's observed, her flow is just slow in general.
Addendum: to add flames to the fire, she asked one of her friends if she needed regular formula (since we can't give him the dairy-based stuff) and her friend was like "Oh, no thanks. I don't need it - my supply is pretty good" - couldn't she have just said a simple "No thanks" without explaining why? Arg.... do people just not get it or something?
Aww... That friend probably just felt like she had to give a reason for refusing free formula, not realizing it would be a punch to your wife's gut. Unless that friend is a known jerkface, in which case, jerkface comment.
If you think the guilt will really burden her, try the lactation consultant before throwing in the towel. A friend of mine really wanted to breastfeed but couldn't, and I think knowing she had given it every effort took away a lot of the guilt that she couldn't breastfeed as she'd planned and wanted.
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Jplee - if she expresses first or pumps a bit until the letdown, then latches him on, then that might work. Prime the pump so to speak, so he gets the letdown right off the bat.
I actually used to do that for the opposite reason, my daughter was small and the letdown was like a fire hose in her mouth so I would have her nurse until the letdown and then have her latch after the pressure was released a bit.
Thanks for the advice - I let her know about this tactic and she'll try it next time. But from what she's observed, her flow is just slow in general.
Addendum: to add flames to the fire, she asked one of her friends if she needed regular formula (since we can't give him the dairy-based stuff) and her friend was like "Oh, no thanks. I don't need it - my supply is pretty good" - couldn't she have just said a simple "No thanks" without explaining why? Arg.... do people just not get it or something?
Aww... That friend probably just felt like she had to give a reason for refusing free formula, not realizing it would be a punch to your wife's gut. Unless that friend is a known jerkface, in which case, jerkface comment.
If you think the guilt will really burden her, try the lactation consultant before throwing in the towel. A friend of mine really wanted to breastfeed but couldn't, and I think knowing she had given it every effort took away a lot of the guilt that she couldn't breastfeed as she'd planned and wanted.
Thanks, yea she probably didn't intend anything by it.
My wife has consulted with a few different LCs and they've all said the latch is fine and it seems like he's feeding fine too. We think the LO is just putting on a show for them, that little.... Haha
Anyway, she's pretty close to giving up. Especially at the thought of reclaiming dairy, soy and wheat :)
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It seems to me that, and there is no judgment in this statement, that all the worry and concern and just being new at it all are making everything worse and harder. I really feel for your wife; she's so obviously trying her damn best to do everything right and figure it all out and fix it. But, here's what I'm seeing after reading the whole thread so far:
Expectations are way off- You mention she only gets a few ounces at pumping sessions. That's completely normal! That is not a failure! It's OK! Also, I'm not sure why she's been pumping all this time anyway, when she wasn't at work. Really, if she was set on breastfeeding, the best thing to do is just nurse, nurse, nurse. If the lactation consultant said baby's latch is fine, then, just nurse. Yes baby will fall asleep. When they are tiny, you wake 'em up and let them nurse more. They get better at not falling asleep instantly, but they still fall asleep when nursing for a good, long time. Yes, that means she spends most of her time just nursing. It's OK, it's how it is in the beginning. That's how they get good at it, it's how they grow, it actually sets you up for easier times in the long run. Yes it sucks, Yes sometimes it would be easier to just give a bottle of formula, but that really just interferes with nursing, with milk supply, with hunger vs. milk output, nipple preference for baby, amount of food vs. the amount of work it takes to get it expectations on baby's end. Supplementing (if it's not medically necessary) actually makes so much more work in the long run. It starts a whole cycle of "not being good at nursing." It's hard to get the nursing just right, but it's not forever.
-Lots of babies are fussy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything terrible, a problem that needs to be fixed. They get better. Just nurse them and try a million different ways to soothe them until you find one that works. I can't even tell you all the crazy things we did. We had to run the vacuum, when no vacuum available, run water. We had to wear her and march around. We had to hold her in certain positions and swing her just so. We sang, we bounced, we patted, we swayed. Sometimes she just cried anyway. I say she because this was my daughter. My son was easy and never fussed. Who knows why? They all come with their own stuff.
I really think if your wife could fix the breastfeeding relationship by dedicating herself to nursing and leaving the formula alone that would solve most of your problems. I'm sure she's worried about having enough for when she goes back to work, but it really will be easier if you can get the breastfeeding solid before she goes. I think you guys are making it harder with the supplementing and the dietary restrictions. Stop the formula, stop the pumping, stop any bottles. Sit on the couch and nurse all friggen' day, and eat and drink, and nurse some more. Not fun, but it works. And the long-term payoff is worth it.
I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD is better than reading the book, IMO) for soothing strategies, and also, like your annoying brother-in-law, to chill out. ;) But mostly, to nurse and nurse only.
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It seems to me that, and there is no judgment in this statement, that all the worry and concern and just being new at it all are making everything worse and harder. I really feel for your wife; she's so obviously trying her damn best to do everything right and figure it all out and fix it. But, here's what I'm seeing after reading the whole thread so far:
Expectations are way off- You mention she only gets a few ounces at pumping sessions. That's completely normal! That is not a failure! It's OK! Also, I'm not sure why she's been pumping all this time anyway, when she wasn't at work. Really, if she was set on breastfeeding, the best thing to do is just nurse, nurse, nurse. If the lactation consultant said baby's latch is fine, then, just nurse. Yes baby will fall asleep. When they are tiny, you wake 'em up and let them nurse more. They get better at not falling asleep instantly, but they still fall asleep when nursing for a good, long time. Yes, that means she spends most of her time just nursing. It's OK, it's how it is in the beginning. That's how they get good at it, it's how they grow, it actually sets you up for easier times in the long run. Yes it sucks, Yes sometimes it would be easier to just give a bottle of formula, but that really just interferes with nursing, with milk supply, with hunger vs. milk output, nipple preference for baby, amount of food vs. the amount of work it takes to get it expectations on baby's end. Supplementing (if it's not medically necessary) actually makes so much more work in the long run. It starts a whole cycle of "not being good at nursing." It's hard to get the nursing just right, but it's not forever.
-Lots of babies are fussy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything terrible, a problem that needs to be fixed. They get better. Just nurse them and try a million different ways to soothe them until you find one that works. I can't even tell you all the crazy things we did. We had to run the vacuum, when no vacuum available, run water. We had to wear her and march around. We had to hold her in certain positions and swing her just so. We sang, we bounced, we patted, we swayed. Sometimes she just cried anyway. I say she because this was my daughter. My son was easy and never fussed. Who knows why? They all come with their own stuff.
I really think if your wife could fix the breastfeeding relationship by dedicating herself to nursing and leaving the formula alone that would solve most of your problems. I'm sure she's worried about having enough for when she goes back to work, but it really will be easier if you can get the breastfeeding solid before she goes. I think you guys are making it harder with the supplementing and the dietary restrictions. Stop the formula, stop the pumping, stop any bottles. Sit on the couch and nurse all friggen' day, and eat and drink, and nurse some more. Not fun, but it works. And the long-term payoff is worth it.
I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD is better than reading the book, IMO) for soothing strategies, and also, like your annoying brother-in-law, to chill out. ;) But mostly, to nurse and nurse only.
Yea, maybe my wife 'tricked' herself into thinking she isn't making enough. Thing is, the kid won't go down without 4-5oz+ of milk OR formula at this point in time. Not sure if that's a result of supplementing where they're hungrier OR if it's just him being hungrier than what a baby 'normally' would eat. Either way it's frustrating that he is impatient with the latch and still ends up being hungry *after* my wife feeds... and most of the time, she lets him fall asleep (which probably also isn't good). But I think for her it's life-sucking that at that point she's zoned out of it and wants him off. She's been physically and emotionally exhausted from all of this. At this point, I'm not sure that telling her to "push forward, suck it up and go 100% breastfeeding" would be the best thing to do with her going back to work in a week. I think she may break down and have a panic-attack if I were to do that. I think we might be too late in the game to even try with going back to exclusive BFing... unless she just quits her job flat out.
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It sounds like you guys need to do yourselves a huge favor and embrace your decision to stop (not pushing either method - I'm a veteran nurser who had to use formula with my first). Stock up on some formula and a bottle of wine, put the baby to bed and enjoy an adults' only dinner!
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It seems to me that, and there is no judgment in this statement, that all the worry and concern and just being new at it all are making everything worse and harder. I really feel for your wife; she's so obviously trying her damn best to do everything right and figure it all out and fix it. But, here's what I'm seeing after reading the whole thread so far:
Expectations are way off- You mention she only gets a few ounces at pumping sessions. That's completely normal! That is not a failure! It's OK! Also, I'm not sure why she's been pumping all this time anyway, when she wasn't at work. Really, if she was set on breastfeeding, the best thing to do is just nurse, nurse, nurse. If the lactation consultant said baby's latch is fine, then, just nurse. Yes baby will fall asleep. When they are tiny, you wake 'em up and let them nurse more. They get better at not falling asleep instantly, but they still fall asleep when nursing for a good, long time. Yes, that means she spends most of her time just nursing. It's OK, it's how it is in the beginning. That's how they get good at it, it's how they grow, it actually sets you up for easier times in the long run. Yes it sucks, Yes sometimes it would be easier to just give a bottle of formula, but that really just interferes with nursing, with milk supply, with hunger vs. milk output, nipple preference for baby, amount of food vs. the amount of work it takes to get it expectations on baby's end. Supplementing (if it's not medically necessary) actually makes so much more work in the long run. It starts a whole cycle of "not being good at nursing." It's hard to get the nursing just right, but it's not forever.
-Lots of babies are fussy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything terrible, a problem that needs to be fixed. They get better. Just nurse them and try a million different ways to soothe them until you find one that works. I can't even tell you all the crazy things we did. We had to run the vacuum, when no vacuum available, run water. We had to wear her and march around. We had to hold her in certain positions and swing her just so. We sang, we bounced, we patted, we swayed. Sometimes she just cried anyway. I say she because this was my daughter. My son was easy and never fussed. Who knows why? They all come with their own stuff.
I really think if your wife could fix the breastfeeding relationship by dedicating herself to nursing and leaving the formula alone that would solve most of your problems. I'm sure she's worried about having enough for when she goes back to work, but it really will be easier if you can get the breastfeeding solid before she goes. I think you guys are making it harder with the supplementing and the dietary restrictions. Stop the formula, stop the pumping, stop any bottles. Sit on the couch and nurse all friggen' day, and eat and drink, and nurse some more. Not fun, but it works. And the long-term payoff is worth it.
I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD is better than reading the book, IMO) for soothing strategies, and also, like your annoying brother-in-law, to chill out. ;) But mostly, to nurse and nurse only.
Yea, maybe my wife 'tricked' herself into thinking she isn't making enough. Thing is, the kid won't go down without 4-5oz+ of milk OR formula at this point in time. Not sure if that's a result of supplementing where they're hungrier OR if it's just him being hungrier than what a baby 'normally' would eat. Either way it's frustrating that he is impatient with the latch and still ends up being hungry *after* my wife feeds... and most of the time, she lets him fall asleep (which probably also isn't good). But I think for her it's life-sucking that at that point she's zoned out of it and wants him off. She's been physically and emotionally exhausted from all of this. At this point, I'm not sure that telling her to "push forward, suck it up and go 100% breastfeeding" would be the best thing to do with her going back to work in a week. I think she may break down and have a panic-attack if I were to do that. I think we might be too late in the game to even try with going back to exclusive BFing... unless she just quits her job flat out.
Based on everything you are saying, I seriously suggest you find what works for YOU and your baby. It's completely normal as new parents to stress about whether you are doing things the "correct" way. There really isn't one correct way. And honestly, if there's something I've learned - it's that it usually isn't worth it if it gets you so completely stressed. What your baby needs more than breastmilk, more than a proper number of hours of sleep, more than sleeping in the "correct bed" and more than all those things you are getting stressed out about - are parents who love him and are able to enjoy him. He picks up on all your stress and that stresses him out.
I am a pro-breastfeeder - but I regret "torturing" my son for his first two months when I pushed so hard with breastfeeding when it was not working. I was miserable, and so was he. Looking back, I still wonder if that caused long-term effects. He was not a happy baby and rarely smiled and laughed. Once he got past 3/4yrs, he turned into a happy, cheerful kid and is now a fabulous 13 yr old (amazingly, not an ounce of tween/teen sass and rebellion yet!). Thankfully I didn't ruin him (like I said, kids are amazingly resilient) - but it's sad to wonder if my absolute fanatical insistence on nursing contributed to an unhappy babyhood.
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I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD is better than reading the book, IMO) for soothing strategies, and also, like your annoying brother-in-law, to chill out. ;)
Seconded! I meant to mention HBB before. Someone gave us the DVD as a shower gift and it was so helpful with our first, who was a fussy baby at times and a horrible sleeper.
I'm not one to recommend a bunch of baby products, but as far as sleeping we had great luck with a combination of swaddling and using the Rock 'n Play sleeper with our second. I really wish the RNP had existed when my first was an infant. When the baby moves, it causes the sleeper to rock, which settles the baby, and the back is also at an incline, which helps with reflux. Everyone who has tried it based on my recommendation has found it to be magical. LOL
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Just read through all the information you gave, and I'd like to point out that green poops are sometimes a sign of foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. If your baby is still getting them.
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Sleeping - if friends say baby is sleeping through the night young, they are lying (or just not waking up). That cast-iron fry pan (advice above) is a great idea.
LOL, this reminds me of a story my friend told me about a couple of our other buddies whose conversation he overheard.
Guy #1 (who is a doctor): So how are things going? Have you been getting any sleep?
Guy #2 (who just had his first daughter and is 2-3 weeks in): Things are GREAT! Lydia slept through the ENTIRE night last night!
Guy #1: WHAT? *befuddled look* That's not a good thing - you were supposed to wake her up and feed her!!!
hahahahahaha
Hilarious. When people asked my husband that, he would say, yeah I think she's been sleeping through the night. And I would have to tell him no, I got up to nurse every one of those nights, you just slept through it.
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Kids are so different. Both my daughters were poor feeders, breast or bottle, and my nephew easily drank twice as much as either. All three are turning out fine. My wife didn't have a lot of milk, so she supplemented with a bottle. She didn't like it and felt bad about it, but that's just the way it was. No moral failure involved.
As for post-partum depession! She was screaming bat-shit crazy for 9 months after both kids. It was hell. Then, she recovered. Wish we had had some support, but I knew nothing about it at the time and had nowhere to turn. Talk to a doctor!
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Baby sucking makes milk.
More they suck, more milk comes.
Growth spurt is a common thing. (suck more and you think not enough milk, but is fine).
Growth spurt happens at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months.
Good luck.
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Just wanted to add my two cents to this: you guys have given it your all and your kid has probably gotten whatever benefit there is to breastfeeding already. The guilt of quitting is horrible but I hope you just quit.
Formula is liberating. It allows more people to feed and enjoy the baby. The bonding is just as strong over a bottle, as you probably already know. It's easy to do on the go and it frees you from the pump. Pumping is awful and the time you spend doing it is time you could be cuddling your baby.
My first never latched, screamed at the breast from day 1, and I quit almost immediately and felt horrible, horrible about it. I wasn't even that interested in breastfeeding in the first place, just thought I'd give it a shot. You can't help the guilt.
We just had a second and again I thought I'd give nursing a try. Well what do you know, this one's latch was perfect and strong from the get go. She seemed to prefer the breast. I still quit, because I love the benefits of formula. And felt horribly guilty again as my milk came in and the baby got less and less interested in nursing once she realized the bottle was easier.
Your wife will feel guilty for quitting, but that guilt slowly goes away. If you can just make the decision to do formula, all the stress will lift very soon and you can enjoy your baby more. Nursing isn't worth it if it's this hard for you.
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Update to thread.
Just like you don't go to a consumer products Web site to ask advice on retiring, you should go to the experts on breastfeeding:
LLLI
Those women, yes, the mammals, the ones that are EXPERTS
on breastfeeding.
Just like a spendthrift can't help you with FIRE,
MMM folks can only give you their experience with breastfeeding, which is a man-focused, pro-formula, short-term solution.
Le Leche League
Good luck.
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Personally I would take a doctor's advice over that of Internet people.
Even the doctor was basically "I don't know if acid is really the issue or not... we can try Zantac just to take a stab at it" :X
This is really tough. Obviously you don't want you kid in pain if he/she actually has GERD. On the other hand, you really don't want to give your baby any unnecessary meds, especially one than can cause long term problems, like, for instance, as the NPR article posits, necessitating continued use of the drug.
I read a bit of the link you posted and it says zantac can make a baby sleepy!? That's nuts, I can see how babies that don't even have GERD would continue to use it and then subsequently need it.
Most babies, as the link you posted states, have "reflux" to some extent. It's why most babies spit up. As a nursing mom, I had oversupply, overactive letdown, and I thought nursing was the solution to ALL of my baby's problems. Combine that with an over-eater, and DD1 was a spectacular vomiter. I called my LLL leader a couple times late at night because of the amount and projectile nature of her "spit up." But I never ended up with a GERD diagnosis, probably because even though I'm sure I told the doctor what we were seeing, I never said, hey,doc, could it be GERD? (But our ped is not really rX happy, fortunately for us...) I am very careful to only describe symptoms as they are to my doctor, I rarely suggest a diagnosis, since I'm an accountant, not a CPA. Because I sometimes think doctors are just quick to agree and give you a prescription and get you out. I once had a doc write my an rx for antibiotics for poison ivy. I didn't fill that.
Try to pay attention to the times that the baby is fussy. I have talked to moms who considered a GERD diagnosis, but after they realized that it was always between 6-10 pm that the baby was fussy, they reasoned that it wasn't GERD, GERD would probably be an issue all the time, not at the normal baby "witching hours."
I don't want to derail this thread, but the irony of your statement (bolded above) combined with the warning to the OP about the dangers of PPIs makes my head hurt (fyi - Zantac is an H2-blocker, a "safer" alternative mentioned in the NPR link you provided in a previous post - not a dangerous *sarcasm* PPI like Prevacid/Prilosec/etc). You rarely suggest a diagnosis, but freely offer up information about medications to scare people (mild hyperbole)? And if Zantac causes baby to be sleepy, it's likely because baby is finally comfortable and can actually relax. They do typically need to sleep most of the day, so if you're used to a baby not sleeping much (especially due to discomfort), and then they start sleeping a normal amount of time after starting a medication you are giving them to make them more comfortable, you could logically connect baby's comfort with baby's new ability to get some rest. If you are still worried, you could also learn the mechanism of action of the medications, and discover that it doesn't cause sleepiness.
Until you actually have a baby who benefits from the use of acid reducing medications, it's difficult to understand. OP's posts have stirred up horrible memories of my baby's first several weeks of trying/failing breastfeeding and trying 6 different types of formula before settling on one that baby would actually eat and not scream in pain on. After 3 and a half long months, we have settled on a nice regimen of Zantac twice a day and Nutramigen formula ($$), but the fact that baby is not screaming every minute he's awake makes it so worth it. We didn't take the easy route by any means, and unfortunately baby suffered because of it (for weeks we were sure it was colic, then sure we just had a fussy/crabby baby, etc.). If baby really has GERD, the constant spitting up of super acidic stomach contents can actually cause esophageal erosions, which could be a lifelong issue for your kid, just because you were afraid to try the medicine. If your baby really needs an acid reducer, you are doing much more harm to them by withholding the medication due to unwarranted fears. And if you try it and it doesn't help anything, you can stop.
I wanted to breastfeed so bad, but the toll it took on my mental health and bonding experience with our baby was not worth it at all. Every feeding was traumatic for all of us (and with every 1-2 hour feedings as a newborn, that meant our household was in constant stress-mode). I was devastated when hubs suggested we switch to formula. It's not always that baby gets the best nutrition, but also making sure baby is raised with one or two sane parents also plays an equal role in baby's wellbeing, in my biased opinion. Soon he'll be eating "real" food anyway, and it won't matter what he ate the first year of his life. We are all in a much better spot since switching to formula. I still wish breastfeeding would have worked out, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it (anymore). :)
You really do have to do what works best for your family, and it will likely be different with each baby you (might) have. They are, after all, humans and they will all have their own unique personalities and temperaments. Good luck to OP and others with parenting struggles :)
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Personally I would take a doctor's advice over that of Internet people.
Even the doctor was basically "I don't know if acid is really the issue or not... we can try Zantac just to take a stab at it" :X
This is really tough. Obviously you don't want you kid in pain if he/she actually has GERD. On the other hand, you really don't want to give your baby any unnecessary meds, especially one than can cause long term problems, like, for instance, as the NPR article posits, necessitating continued use of the drug.
I read a bit of the link you posted and it says zantac can make a baby sleepy!? That's nuts, I can see how babies that don't even have GERD would continue to use it and then subsequently need it.
Most babies, as the link you posted states, have "reflux" to some extent. It's why most babies spit up. As a nursing mom, I had oversupply, overactive letdown, and I thought nursing was the solution to ALL of my baby's problems. Combine that with an over-eater, and DD1 was a spectacular vomiter. I called my LLL leader a couple times late at night because of the amount and projectile nature of her "spit up." But I never ended up with a GERD diagnosis, probably because even though I'm sure I told the doctor what we were seeing, I never said, hey,doc, could it be GERD? (But our ped is not really rX happy, fortunately for us...) I am very careful to only describe symptoms as they are to my doctor, I rarely suggest a diagnosis, since I'm an accountant, not a CPA. Because I sometimes think doctors are just quick to agree and give you a prescription and get you out. I once had a doc write my an rx for antibiotics for poison ivy. I didn't fill that.
Try to pay attention to the times that the baby is fussy. I have talked to moms who considered a GERD diagnosis, but after they realized that it was always between 6-10 pm that the baby was fussy, they reasoned that it wasn't GERD, GERD would probably be an issue all the time, not at the normal baby "witching hours."
I don't want to derail this thread, but the irony of your statement (bolded above) combined with the warning to the OP about the dangers of PPIs makes my head hurt (fyi - Zantac is an H2-blocker, a "safer" alternative mentioned in the NPR link you provided in a previous post - not a dangerous *sarcasm* PPI like Prevacid/Prilosec/etc). You rarely suggest a diagnosis, but freely offer up information about medications to scare people (mild hyperbole)? And if Zantac causes baby to be sleepy, it's likely because baby is finally comfortable and can actually relax. They do typically need to sleep most of the day, so if you're used to a baby not sleeping much (especially due to discomfort), and then they start sleeping a normal amount of time after starting a medication you are giving them to make them more comfortable, you could logically connect baby's comfort with baby's new ability to get some rest. If you are still worried, you could also learn the mechanism of action of the medications, and discover that it doesn't cause sleepiness.
Until you actually have a baby who benefits from the use of acid reducing medications, it's difficult to understand. OP's posts have stirred up horrible memories of my baby's first several weeks of trying/failing breastfeeding and trying 6 different types of formula before settling on one that baby would actually eat and not scream in pain on. After 3 and a half long months, we have settled on a nice regimen of Zantac twice a day and Nutramigen formula ($$), but the fact that baby is not screaming every minute he's awake makes it so worth it. We didn't take the easy route by any means, and unfortunately baby suffered because of it (for weeks we were sure it was colic, then sure we just had a fussy/crabby baby, etc.). If baby really has GERD, the constant spitting up of super acidic stomach contents can actually cause esophageal erosions, which could be a lifelong issue for your kid, just because you were afraid to try the medicine. If your baby really needs an acid reducer, you are doing much more harm to them by withholding the medication due to unwarranted fears. And if you try it and it doesn't help anything, you can stop.
I wanted to breastfeed so bad, but the toll it took on my mental health and bonding experience with our baby was not worth it at all. Every feeding was traumatic for all of us (and with every 1-2 hour feedings as a newborn, that meant our household was in constant stress-mode). I was devastated when hubs suggested we switch to formula. It's not always that baby gets the best nutrition, but also making sure baby is raised with one or two sane parents also plays an equal role in baby's wellbeing, in my biased opinion. Soon he'll be eating "real" food anyway, and it won't matter what he ate the first year of his life. We are all in a much better spot since switching to formula. I still wish breastfeeding would have worked out, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it (anymore). :)
You really do have to do what works best for your family, and it will likely be different with each baby you (might) have. They are, after all, humans and they will all have their own unique personalities and temperaments. Good luck to OP and others with parenting struggles :)
This. My daughter was pretty obviously suffering from GERD. She wasn't unhappy. She was screaming in obvious agony that would abate within 20 minutes of getting Zantac. She'd arch her back, turn red, sob until she gasped and scream until she retched. It cleared up a couple months ago and she STILL finds eating upsetting and tries to avoid it. Food and eating is a struggle for her now and may be long into the future, and I don't know how much of that is because for the first few months of her life, eating hurt. An adult can understand suffering through pain, an infant has no such intellectual capacity. I wasn't willing to make her infancy more stressful than it already was because of some relatively small risks associated with Zantac. There are risks associated with leaving a medical condition untreated as well.