Another "model citizen" here. I made good decisions in high school and college.
If I had suddenly received an inheritance at 18, I genuinely would've saved it and allotted out how much I could use for each semester of college + start-up money for after college (not a bad use). I would have gone to a different school -- not a more expensive school, just a different one. I would not have thought past that point. I genuinely would've been iron-clad in my discipline not to touch next semester's money 'til the next the semester; however, if I'd had more than enough to pay for tuition + living expenses, I would've lived in a nicer apartment, gone out to eat more often, etc. I would not have seriously considered saving /investing past college. I'd characterize "college me" as making good decisions, but not optimal decisions.
I'd say I started to think long-term and make optimal decisions around 23-24 ... and I continued to improve in that way 'til about 30. I don't think I've really improved since then.
Here are my best suggestions for writing your will and taking care of your children:
- You're probably going to need two appointments to complete the will. You'll first meet with a person who will talk to you about your circumstances and what you want your will to do ... and you'll go away with more questions than you had when you came in. This person will bring up things you haven't considered and give you options to consider. Then a month or so later you'll return and talk to the lawyer ... at that point you need to have decided on those questions, and he or she will write the will according to your wishes. At least, that's the shape of my experience in writing our wills.
- It's more complicated than you made it sound in your post; if you give control to your sister, it's hers. If she passes it on to the children, they'll all have some tax/inheritance issues. You can give your sister control of X amount. You can give her control of your life insurance and your possessions (i.e., so she can sell your house), but at the same time put aside Y amount with the specification that it goes towards education only ... but then if she experiences an emergency, she can't touch the education money. You can specify that your sister gets X amount, and each child receives Y amount only after he or she earns a bachelor's degree, or turns 30 ... or you can give the child X amount at 25, X amount again at 35, etc. SO MANY CHOICES.
- Ultimately, we opted to give our kids immediate control of all the money. We went back and forth on it about a million times, and we decided that it would be wrong to try to "rule from beyond the grave". However, we also wrote a long and detailed letter full of suggestions. We pointed out that this money was not easy to earn/save, and we asked them to honor the sacrifices we made by treating it with care. We asked them to make NO big decisions for six months -- no quitting their jobs, no buying a new Mustang -- until their emotions are stable again. We made a list of our investments and people who manage them, and we told them very pointedly which family members to go to for advice. I know my kids, and I know that they'd be much like I was in college -- no, not able to make decisions as well as I can with years of "adult" behind me, but also not the kids to blow my life savings in a year or two. And I know they're the kind of kids who'd listen to the advice I wrote to them. I hope not to test what I've put in place, but I feel secure about it.
- Do talk to your sister about all this. My sister-in-law and I discussed what would happen in one of us found herself raising the other's children, and it was an enlightening discussion. We each laid out certain "must dos" that would really, really matter to us. To give one example, she said that she would use my life insurance money to put my kids AND HER KIDS through college. I balked at that, but she pointed out -- quite correctly -- that if she put in years raising my kids (and helping them through a difficult situation in losing us), she would feel entitled to some compensation for that. And that if she divided her time among four kids instead of two, her kids would be losing something -- and she thought using a portion of our money for her kids college was a fair compensation. Finally, she said she couldn't imagine raising all the kids as siblings, then saying to mine, "The world is your oyster; do anything you want for college" -- while saying to her own, "It's community college for you." After we talked, I agreed with her.