Folks that know me already, know I've been homeless, etc. (All good now!)
However, as I push through the new-to-me steps required for independent investing, having others' errors on my accounts corrected, etc, I'm reminded of why I was so poor for so long. People are scary! Some use really crass techniques like lying, shouting, falsely accusing, walking away (stonewalling), threatening, etc. (At one point in my financial journey, someone doctored a document to back up their error.) Some people have experienced this type of behaviour from people working at agencies as "professional" as a country's tax office, welfare, medical insurer, etc.
I've been experiencing this kind of thing at the local level of my (new, big) bank.
Example:Me:
"Hi there, I see that $100 was debited by the bank. I don't know why. Can you look into this for me, please?"Worker: [Looks around a bit.] Yeah, no, I have no idea why. Did you debit this yourself?
Me:
No. It was debited by the bank. I don't have any service fees or anything in that amount, though.W: Oh. Well, surely someone called you about it?
Me:
No... Is there someone here that could give us more information?W: [Calls to another worker.] Julie, is there anyone that could explain this debit? No? Sorry, no one can.
Me:
Um... Well, $100 came out by the bank...I would need to know what that was for.W: Yeah, sorry, I don't know.
Me:
Is there anyone I could call, that would know more?W: Yeah, no sorry, there's not.
Me:
Hmmmm... What do you suggest as my next step, to figure this out?W: Oh, I have no idea! It's so weird!
As the cycle repeats, each worker I subsequently ask gets more flustered and frustrated about not being able to resolve the weird thing, until one or more moves into straight up lying, making up little stories about how I surely took it out (even when other reps have already confirmed the bank did), getting very snappish, then literally walking away. Next level up says I should "call someone". Branch manager doesn't call back.
That's a mellow version of a lighter matter, but you get it.
IssueSo, not a matter of math or "finances", per se. I can easily cope with the logistical hassle. Where I shake is when they move into lying, dismissing, making stuff up to save face, etc.
Some people on this forum seem more "tough" than me -not mean, not rude, but able to shake more off. I'm thinking this allows them to get further ahead financially. They can set aside others' poor behaviour and keep on truckin'.
Questions:- Have you been shaken by such behaviours, where "professionalism" is expected?
- Is this fear response limited to people who've experienced abuse, or is it so for many others, too?
- Can we be super gentle (if that's our nature) and still position ourselves for ever-improving finances? (I get being assertive, and I think I'm reasonably good at that. But does that suffice in the face of aggressive behaviours?)
- Who of you does this kind of behaviour roll off of? How do you keep it from affecting you?