Author Topic: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?  (Read 13303 times)

2ndTimer

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The title of this thread used to be What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner? but I realized from some of the feedback that it was both too narrow and confusing.  Hope this one is better

INTJ female here.  Married and INFP male.  The INFP motto should be "...and the greatest of these is love."  You haven't been loved till you have been loved by an INFP.  He is slowly teaching me the value of harmony in all relationships and after knowing him almost 30 years I am slooooooowly starting to master some of his more elementary techniques for achieving it.  Definitely not an INTJ superpower but surprisingly useful in the real world.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2015, 07:18:26 AM by 2ndTimer »

firewalker

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2015, 08:07:15 AM »
Refresh me on the whole IN... thing. I remember reading about it ages ago and I recall it had something to do with inherited traits.

wtjbatman

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2015, 08:09:31 AM »
Refresh me on the whole IN... thing. I remember reading about it ages ago and I recall it had something to do with inherited traits.

I believe it's some sort of system devised by engineers in an attempt to classify people into different subgroups based on their personalities.

Which totally sounds like it should work.

dandarc

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2015, 08:13:18 AM »
Refresh me on the whole IN... thing. I remember reading about it ages ago and I recall it had something to do with inherited traits.
For more than you'd want to know:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers%E2%80%93Briggs_Type_Indicator

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2015, 08:32:12 AM »
I had the idea from this thread that everybody here knew about myers-briggs typing.  http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/continue-the-blog-conversation/the-principle-of-constant-optimization-what's-your-myers-briggs/msg416274/#msg416274

Thanks dandarc for posting the Wikpedia link for those that are suffering from my lack of explanation.

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2015, 09:20:54 AM »
For those wanting to know more about myers-briggs typing


If you give an ENFJ a cookie, they’ll probably encourage you to develop your confectionary skills and offer friendly advice on how to achieve your cookie goals.

If you give an ENFP a cookie, they’ll probably wonder how they would taste if dipped in pudding, or if they could write out little messages with the chocolate chips, or maybe whether…

If you give an ENTJ a cookie, they’ll probably develop a strategy to monopolize the cookie market on an international scale.

If you give an ENTP a cookie, they’ll probably use it as an alternative fuel source.

If you give an ESFJ a cookie, they’ll probably ask for the recipe so they can use it for their upcoming neighborhood book club meeting.

If you give an ESFP a cookie, they’ll probably want some alcohol to go with it.

If you give an ESTJ a cookie, they’ll probably ask you to always deliver cookies on the second Wednesday of each month at 9:45 AM henceforward.

If you give an ESTP a cookie, they’ll probably eat half of it and sell the other half for twice what it was worth.

If you give an INFJ a cookie, they’ll probably realize that you’re giving out cookies because you feel insecure about your place in the group, and tell you that you don’t have to buy their friendship because they love and accept you as a person.

If you give an INFP a cookie, they’ll probably remark on how cookies are a metaphor for the soul.

If you give an INTJ a cookie, they’ll probably perform chemical calculations to discover how to maximize the enjoyment of the cookie.

If you give an INTP a cookie, they’ll probably start telling you how cookies were initially invented by the Persians in the 7th century and were brought to Europe during the 8th century when…

An ISFJ gives you a cookie.

If you give an ISFP a cookie, they’ll probably dip it in a glass of warm milk and take a nap afterwards.

If you give an ISTJ a cookie, they’ll probably check to make sure the cookie meets official confectionary standards before consuming it.

If you give an ISTP a cookie, they’ll probably eat the cookie. It’s a cookie. That’s what you do with cookies.

TN_Steve

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2015, 09:31:41 AM »
"I" equals introvert, "E" is introvert?  Never knew all those trailing letters (Thanks, 2ndTimer!)

Hmmm.  I don't know where I am on that scale, even as to the first letter (which day of the week is it?).  Surely don't know where DW is....



P.S.  Haven't there been some recent reports indicating that the four letter slotting of individuals will change over time/situation for people?

___________

ETA.  Wow, it's Jungian?!  And, here are a couple of the reports that I had dimly remembered:  https://www.recruiter.com/i/critique-of-the-myers-briggs-type-indicator-critique/  &  http://op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/07/18/why-myers-briggs-is-totally-useless-but-wildly-popular/
« Last Edit: April 01, 2015, 09:37:17 AM by TN_Steve »

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2015, 09:44:21 AM »
Like everything in the social sciences there are a lot of opinions and never enough facts.  I regard it as a descriptive tool rather than a religion.
« Last Edit: April 01, 2015, 11:09:43 AM by 2ndTimer »

sunday

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2015, 10:47:07 AM »
I'm ENFP (f) married to INTJ (m). One thing he's learned about me is that he has to go out and socialize with me at least once or twice a week to "refill". One thing I've learned from him is that I have to say what I'm feeling, because he's not as good as reading my emotions, and also that he needs to have his downtime alone to recharge.

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2015, 12:19:37 PM »
Thanks sunday, that's just the kind of thing I was looking for.  I bet your spouse loves the concise way you present information

gimp

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2015, 12:29:06 PM »
If you seriously think this INbullshit is important and reflects your marriage, I'm sorry for you.

The only thing I have ever seen it used for is people who claim to be INTJ shitting on other people.

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2015, 12:38:29 PM »
If you seriously think this INbullshit is important and reflects your marriage, I'm sorry for you.

The only thing I have ever seen it used for is people who claim to be INTJ shitting on other people.

Interestingly passionate response to a light conversational topic.  Wonder why gimp feels so strongly about about this.  Thoughts, anyone?

Bob W

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2015, 12:51:20 PM »
Worked in the psych field on and off for 30 years.  Wife does too.   The Meyers-Briggs has only been seen twice by us.    Both times  it was presented by consultants being paid to develop "teams."    Pretty much no one working in the real world of psych uses it.   

It is kinda fun way to classify people.   I think we even had color cards  --- "I'm a blue!"   


Would find it entirely difficult to utilize on anything more than a one to one consistent situation.   One just couldn't keep all the rules in their head for too many people.

Bob W

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2015, 12:54:12 PM »
Forgot to mention that the best categorization system we've found is  "too normal, weird, crazy,  crazy as shit,   crazy as a shit house rat"  Throw in a few control freak and pervert adjectives and that pretty much covers everyone we've ever met. 

olivia

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2015, 01:01:20 PM »
If you seriously think this INbullshit is important and reflects your marriage, I'm sorry for you.

The only thing I have ever seen it used for is people who claim to be INTJ shitting on other people.

Interestingly passionate response to a light conversational topic.  Wonder why gimp feels so strongly about about this.  Thoughts, anyone?

Sounds like a jealous non-INTJ to me.  ;)

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2015, 01:24:37 PM »
Worked in the psych field on and off for 30 years.  Wife does too.   The Meyers-Briggs has only been seen twice by us.    Both times  it was presented by consultants being paid to develop "teams."    Pretty much no one working in the real world of psych uses it.   

It is kinda fun way to classify people.   I think we even had color cards  --- "I'm a blue!"   


Would find it entirely difficult to utilize on anything more than a one to one consistent situation.   One just couldn't keep all the rules in their head for too many people.

Very interesting to get a professional opinion.  I agree it's kinda fun.  So if I understand what you are saying correctly, if there is any practical application to the theory it is only in a one to one consistent situation, like maybe the domestic partnership referred to in the heading of this thread. 

I am surprised by some of the responses.  I was hoping this would turn into a feel good, things I learned from my SO that improve my life kind of thread.

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2015, 02:12:33 PM »
If you seriously think this INbullshit is important and reflects your marriage, I'm sorry for you.

The only thing I have ever seen it used for is people who claim to be INTJ shitting on other people.

Interestingly passionate response to a light conversational topic.  Wonder why gimp feels so strongly about about this.  Thoughts, anyone?


Sounds like a jealous non-INTJ to me.  ;)

It DID remind me of the response I got when I wore my new cowboy boots to kindergarden.

Spruit

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2015, 02:59:36 PM »
2ndTimer, that cookie comparison is really funny :-) It also hits the nail on the head for my ENFJ boyfriend and IN(F/T)J me.

What I've learned from him is to be a bit bolder when discussing interpersonal issues, and reaching out to others pro-acticely instead of working around them and going my own merry way. He always looks for win-win, enjoys politics and is pretty good at convincing people. I admire those skills, although the convincing part can be a PITA sometimes ;-) He's definitely more a club person than I am. Rules and obligations are a fun challenge for him (to get them changed to his ideals), they are often the fun spoilers for me that I avoid dealing with whenever possible. In the beginning of our relationship he was often surprised about my need for independance and doing things on my own terms. He's more used to it now I think.

What he's learned from me is that it's okay to embrace silence, and to enjoy non-social activities all by yourself. That it's okay to not be super social all the time.

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2015, 03:45:10 PM »
Full disclosure:  I did not write the cookie thing.  I found it on a website of myers-briggs jokes. 

Suzie:  I am impressed that an introvert like you and such a social butterfly as your boyfriend can be a couple.  You both must have worked at it.

KuroMB

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2015, 04:50:28 PM »
I'm an I/ENFP (depending on the day) and am pretty sure my wife is an ENTJ. I think there's definitely something to be said for recognizing and appreciating differences regardless of how we discover them. I do group therapy for a living and often have my patients do this in group to show how we are not our problems.

Noodle

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #20 on: April 01, 2015, 05:12:32 PM »
Re: Myers-Briggs--I think the value of these personality description systems are less how accurately they predict or describe given personalities, and more how they remind people that others see the world differently and that does not make them wrong or "lesser" but is simply the way they are wired. It can be really difficult to remember to see the world from other perspectives, and things like Myers-Briggs give a safe and structured way to do that.

Cwadda

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #21 on: April 01, 2015, 06:24:23 PM »
Quote
Re: Myers-Briggs--I think the value of these personality description systems are less how accurately they predict or describe given personalities, and more how they remind people that others see the world differently and that does not make them wrong or "lesser" but is simply the way they are wired. It can be really difficult to remember to see the world from other perspectives, and things like Myers-Briggs give a safe and structured way to do that.
This is exactly what I wanted to say!

I do find the system to be very accurate though if someone's letters are chosen correctly. If you've taken a test for it and you're 1 letter off it's not going to sound like you. The correct personality type should be nearly unequivocal. I was shaking my head in disbelief when I first read my own and read some for people I knew well. For anyone interested, I'd recommend not taking a test, but reading about what each letter means: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/index.shtml  Then loosely form what you think you'd be and read about it here: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/portraits.html If it's not super accurate then you should try again and try a new combination.

I know anecdotal evidence is generally not a good thing, but I'm an ISFP and my ideal match is an ESFJ or ENFJ according to this link: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/relationships.html
3/4 of my serious love interests have been ESFJs. My other partner was an INFP. These were all people who I didn't know at all beforehand.


wordnerd

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #22 on: April 01, 2015, 08:07:58 PM »
The title of this thread confuses me...Is the presumption that all Mustachians are INTJ? In any case, I'm in a mixed marriage (I'm the extrovert; DH is the introvert). We balance each other well and bring different strengths to our partnership. For us, having the same values and different personalities has worked really well. Someday, I want to write a manifesto (or something) on why dating/marrying introverts is the best, but that's off-topic for this thread :)

Allie

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #23 on: April 01, 2015, 11:20:20 PM »
I enjoy the Meyers Briggs classification; probably because my type feels comfortable for me.  As a perfectly split INTJ/INFJ, I feel the need to let you know the posters who took the time to hate on it probably didn't understand you were interested in gaining additional perspective and learn more about other non-INTJ mustachians.  I think this is a lovely question as my husband fits his personality profile as well.  (Please don't feel bad about the haters). 

I also want to mention that, as a former psych person I agree with Bob W, that I never used this in my work.  Granted my work was generally more along the lines of how do we get little Johnny to stop trying to kill himself/rape the family dog/smear feces.  But, my husband, who is in business, has taken the tests and been analyzed as part of team building and leadership activities and has found that knowing how his colleagues/staff answered the questions made it easier to understand how they may react to things and manage them. 

If you break the system down into its components, it seems pretty straightforward and I doubt many people would balk at describing themselves as an introvert or extrovert, or even as someone who goes on fact or intuition.  Strange that when you combine it together to get the bigger picture of how we react to the world and social systems it creates such push back.  If you happen to read anything that gives additional insight into this phenomenon or have thoughts yourself, let me know.

That being said, my husband has taught me that sometimes the best course of action is to stop thinking and just enjoy the cookie.

sunday

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #24 on: April 01, 2015, 11:36:57 PM »
Like someone else mentioned, it's not something to be taken too seriously but interesting to see or understand how other personalities might see the world. It's fun for me and my husband because apparently the ENFP/INTJ relationship is supposed to be a perfect match, and we are the stereotypical warm, fuzzy artist vs. logical, methodical scientist types. In fact, those are our careers. He says he enjoys that I make him try things he otherwise would not, and I bring new friends into our lives due to my tendency to talk to everyone I meet, or haven't quite met yet.

Spruit

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #25 on: April 02, 2015, 12:38:30 AM »
He says he enjoys that I make him try things he otherwise would not, and I bring new friends into our lives due to my tendency to talk to everyone I meet, or haven't quite met yet.

Yes, this! So nice to have contacts without the hard work to get to meet people, chat and get past my own awkwardness. He's the one that brings in most of our social contacts, I'm the one taking care of a solid homebase to retrieve to when we need it. Our relationship wasn't such hard work as you might expect. My introvert tendencies give him the space he needs to get busy interacting with others. Him being social gets me my beloved bubble-time to re-energize.

2ndTimer

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #26 on: April 02, 2015, 07:20:44 AM »
The title of this thread confuses me...Is the presumption that all Mustachians are INTJ? In any case, I'm in a mixed marriage (I'm the extrovert; DH is the introvert). We balance each other well and bring different strengths to our partnership. For us, having the same values and different personalities has worked really well. Someday, I want to write a manifesto (or something) on why dating/marrying introverts is the best, but that's off-topic for this thread :)

Your story is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to read.  Thank you for drawing my attention to the potential confusion from the title.  I hope you will come back and post.

begood

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #27 on: April 02, 2015, 07:38:43 AM »
In our family, we found the MB scale very helpful when our daughter was diagnosed with introversion.

I kid, I kid! But I did have to go do a bunch of reading because my mister and I are both extroverts - I'm E(S/N)FJ and he's text-book ENTJ, and our daughter is an IN_J - at 13, her T/F balance is still evolving. We were a little embarrassed that someone had to point out to us that she was an introvert, and it explained SO MUCH.

The shared J saves us, I think, since all three of us want to be on time when we go places. But we had to recalibrate our expectations of social interaction with her. For example, providing time and space for her to "recharge" alone, when for my mister and me, it's time TOGETHER that recharges us.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2015, 08:16:32 AM by begood »

HazelStone

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #28 on: April 02, 2015, 08:17:55 AM »
For those wanting to know more about myers-briggs typing

If you give an INTP a cookie, they’ll probably start telling you how cookies were initially invented by the Persians in the 7th century and were brought to Europe during the 8th century when…


HA! This is so very me... my dad too.

Bob W

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #29 on: April 02, 2015, 08:21:19 AM »
Here are a couple of links to take a test for those interested in this stuff.  http://www.16personalities.com/entp-personality

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

I might point out that these results are not static.  (I do so because I was classified as a "debater.")     For example,  I was very introverted as a young person (child really).  I realized that talking to people was a way to get what I wanted or needed.   So I developed that skill.   All my children appear to have started out introverted.   Strangely I see little kids 4 and 5 who are super extroverted.   

The "debater" label suits me well.   I would never change that.   I'm not too interested in winning a debate I just like to know that all the bases are covered and that conventional wisdom is questioned at every level.     I even debate with myself.

There seems to be some stuff missing from this simple classifications system such as propensity to enjoy the outdoors,  amount of time in front of screens,  ability to cook,  skills currently learned,  what kind of car you drive,  sexual stuff,  etc...  Since humans tend to judge new people within 1/30th of a second upon meeting them it would appear that clothes choices,  smiles,  makeup etc.   would have a huge impact on your perceived personality. 

As far as using this in a partnership that could be interesting.   It appears that my SO and I are pretty set in our day to day personalities at this point.   We argue a lot and never resolve anything.   

Perhaps we could play a Briggs Myers game of some sort with the family this weekend?   

HazelStone

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #30 on: April 02, 2015, 08:41:21 AM »
I've dated extroverts. It hasn't worked well. My husband is pretty solidly INTJ, I am INTP with some fuzz factor toward INFP. On the surface, DH comes off as outgoing and extroverted, but fundamentally he is an introvert- he needs recharge time as much as I do.

It is my opinion that extroverts have a harder time understanding introverts than vice versa. It is probably why my relationships with extroverts didn't work out. They equate "I don't care to go to this huge party" to "I don't want to spend time with you at all." Another poster spoke (jokingly) of their kid being "diagnosed" with introversion... but that IS the attitude of many. It took me years to realize that my introversion wasn't a defect or something that needed to be "fixed." We can train ourselves to be more outgoing, sure, and that's not a bad thing. Everyone needs to play to their strengths and shore up their relative weaknesses. Implying it's a defect is like saying a tall, lean, lanky person is "defective" if he's not built like a linebacker. If your only priority is football, you're going to think that way- but consider that the tall, lanky guy is a talented long distance runner instead.

Imustacheyouaquestion

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #31 on: April 02, 2015, 08:53:59 AM »
INTJ with an INFJ partner. About two years ago, I learned my INFJ had $10k in credit card debt, at which point I set up a budget meeting to come up with a plan for paying that down ASAP.

I learned that some people make financial decisions for goofy emotional reasons, such as not wanting to open up a new credit card to get a 0% interest offer on a balance transfer because they are worried about what someone at the credit card company might think about them having too many accounts.

I had never talked much with others about personal finance because TABOO!, but I had been operating under the assumption that most people run numbers, optimize scenarios, and generally make financial moves according to a plan or system. I have since come to understand this is extremely rare.

anastrophe

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #32 on: April 02, 2015, 09:35:45 AM »
Well, I cannot speak to the MBTI (because I do not believe it to be a valid instrument for measuring personality - see here: http://www.indiana.edu/~jobtalk/Articles/develop/mbti.pdf, http://www.reddit.com/r/askscience/comments/1p2cki/how_scientifically_valid_is_the_myers_briggs/)  but I am much less introverted than my partner and we work that to our advantage most of the time.

As the more-extroverted one, I am our designated representative for customer service reps and phone calls.

I also had to learn to respect the "half hour of silence" when getting home from work. So many interesting things to talk about! But they can wait a half hour.

And I have taught my partner an expanded number of scripts to smooth social interactions which has helped them at work (in a customer-facing position).

Neither of us is really very extroverted though, so we are pretty well matched in hobbies and social expectations which serves us well with saving money, since we prefer games and reading. So I'm not sure how 'mixed' we are, at least on that aspect.

olivia

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #33 on: April 02, 2015, 09:41:11 AM »
If you seriously think this INbullshit is important and reflects your marriage, I'm sorry for you.

The only thing I have ever seen it used for is people who claim to be INTJ shitting on other people.
Interestingly passionate response to a light conversational topic.  Wonder why gimp feels so strongly about about this.  Thoughts, anyone?
Sounds like a jealous non-INTJ to me.  ;)
It DID remind me of the response I got when I wore my new cowboy boots to kindergarden.

LOL.  I'm an INTJ and my husband is an INFP.  He helps remind me that most people have feelings.  :P  I always expect people to be logical and rational, and he's a great reminder that many (most) people are not logical or rational!  He's one of the most positive, loving people I know, and being around that keeps my robot side in check!

begood

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #34 on: April 02, 2015, 09:47:00 AM »
I've dated extroverts. It hasn't worked well. My husband is pretty solidly INTJ, I am INTP with some fuzz factor toward INFP. On the surface, DH comes off as outgoing and extroverted, but fundamentally he is an introvert- he needs recharge time as much as I do.

It is my opinion that extroverts have a harder time understanding introverts than vice versa. It is probably why my relationships with extroverts didn't work out. They equate "I don't care to go to this huge party" to "I don't want to spend time with you at all." Another poster spoke (jokingly) of their kid being "diagnosed" with introversion... but that IS the attitude of many. It took me years to realize that my introversion wasn't a defect or something that needed to be "fixed." We can train ourselves to be more outgoing, sure, and that's not a bad thing. Everyone needs to play to their strengths and shore up their relative weaknesses. Implying it's a defect is like saying a tall, lean, lanky person is "defective" if he's not built like a linebacker. If your only priority is football, you're going to think that way- but consider that the tall, lanky guy is a talented long distance runner instead.

Well said, HazelStone! Our daughter was adopted, so we didn't expect her to "be like us", and maybe that made it easier for her dad and me to shift gears once we finally recognized this core, key difference in the way she experiences and interacts with the world.

2ndTimer

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sunday

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #36 on: April 02, 2015, 10:04:06 AM »
As the more-extroverted one, I am our designated representative for customer service reps and phone calls.


That's interesting. Even though I'm the extrovert, I delegate all the service phone calls to my husband because I can't "read" people over the phone and that makes it feel uneasy for me, whereas he can get the point straight through with his logic and reason.

2ndTimer

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #37 on: April 02, 2015, 10:19:10 AM »
My INFP Hub does this.  His ability to pinpoint folk's evasions and politely but steadily punch them unconscious verbally is amazing.  He is also frequently invited to sit in on job interviews that have nothing to do with his field because he is regarded as a human lie detector.

MillenialMustache

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #38 on: April 02, 2015, 11:23:57 AM »
I am an ENTJ and my DH is an INTJ. It would seem that we would be very similar, and in some ways we are, but the typical "moniker" of these two types is executive vs. scientist. I would say this is true for us. What I have always loved about my DH is how he applies information in fixing, building and creating. It has been very helpful as we have moved to retirement and it is something I very much value, and am unable to do myself.

JetBlast

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #39 on: April 02, 2015, 01:10:30 PM »
I'm INTJ and my wife is ISFP. I've had to learn to express my feelings more to her, see things from a less rational and more emotional perspective, and be generous with praise even though I've never felt the need for a pat on the back and a "good job".  She has learned that I'm paying attention even if it doesn't seem like it to her, and that often times all I need to be happy is a cup of coffee and a good non-fiction book.

wordnerd

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Re: What did you learn from your non-INTJ partner?
« Reply #40 on: April 02, 2015, 02:16:04 PM »
The title of this thread confuses me...Is the presumption that all Mustachians are INTJ? In any case, I'm in a mixed marriage (I'm the extrovert; DH is the introvert). We balance each other well and bring different strengths to our partnership. For us, having the same values and different personalities has worked really well. Someday, I want to write a manifesto (or something) on why dating/marrying introverts is the best, but that's off-topic for this thread :)

Your story is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to read.  Thank you for drawing my attention to the potential confusion from the title.  I hope you will come back and post.

Glad to help, and thanks for clearing up the title! Dating introverts is great precisely because they're overlooked by many people. Extroverts tend to "advertise" themselves better to the world, so dating an introvert can be like finding an undervalued piece of real estate.

My husband brings so many wonderful traits to our marriage; he is highly analytical, rational, calm, and grounded. I think he appreciates my humor and sociability. But, I do think it's key in a mixed marriage to not feel the need to do everything together (even if others find it odd). I tend to go out with friends a couple of times a week without my husband. That gives me social time and him recharging time, and we're always happy to see each other. :)

morning owl

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #41 on: April 03, 2015, 10:30:36 AM »
Quote
If you give an INFP a cookie, they’ll probably remark on how cookies are a metaphor for the soul.

Love this! As an INFP I can 100% relate. If you were to glance at my journal, all the lengthy pondering and reflections would probably make most people want to move along. But I'm happy to be a ponderer :)

I believe my DH is probably an INFP as well. Or perhaps INFJ or INTP or something similar. I've many friends who are in mixed relationships, Introvert / Extrovert, and I really wonder how they do it. Just in terms of scheduling time, and doing things like travelling -- I couldn't travel or spend too much time with an extrovert before feeling like I just need to lock myself in the closet to get away from them. But I admire people who manage to make it work.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2015, 10:32:26 AM by morning owl »

ender

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #42 on: April 03, 2015, 12:57:02 PM »
I'm INTJ and my wife is ISFP. I've had to learn to express my feelings more to her, see things from a less rational and more emotional perspective, and be generous with praise even though I've never felt the need for a pat on the back and a "good job".  She has learned that I'm paying attention even if it doesn't seem like it to her, and that often times all I need to be happy is a cup of coffee and a good non-fiction book.

+1. Same combo for us :)

EconDiva

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #43 on: April 03, 2015, 08:34:12 PM »
Myers-Briggs is very intriguing to me.

I tested INFP about half a dozen times through various online versions of the test.  I went into my college career testing facility and took a paid version of it (although I didn't have to pay for it...it was 'subsidized'/covered for me).  I again tested INFP.  100% on the introvert scale 0_0

Then I did some research on this personality.  When I found the different descriptions about INFPs on this page:
https://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html

I was shocked...it was like someone wrong this page just for me.  It also goes into a separate relationships/career/strengths and weaknesses section for each personality if I remember correctly. 


Merrie

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #44 on: April 05, 2015, 03:15:34 PM »
I agree with not putting much emphasis on the testing instrument. I find the theory behind it to be helpful though. I am an INFJ and my husband is an INFP. Emotionally we understand each other very well and "get" each other; most of the guys I've dated have been one _NF_ type or another and we have had that type of easy rapport. The area where we tend to clash regards making plans. I like to have everything planned out and am constantly trying to optimize. He is not this way. Over time we have gotten better at each respecting the tendency of the other on this point. And he tolerates me when I get fixated on some giant project at 10:30 pm, and I bear with him when he takes days to decide what he thinks about some problem, whereas I can usually snap to my final answer pretty quickly. I like every little detail organized. He doesn't care about most of them, but the things he cares about, he REALLY cares about.

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #45 on: April 05, 2015, 05:16:16 PM »
I found out I'm an ENTJ.. so I should probably go and kill myself.. Naah, I'll just take over the world instead..:)

Apparently such delightful characters as Richard Nixon and the like were ENTJ's...:)

begood

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #46 on: April 05, 2015, 07:45:43 PM »
I found out I'm an ENTJ.. so I should probably go and kill myself.. Naah, I'll just take over the world instead..:)

Apparently such delightful characters as Richard Nixon and the like were ENTJ's...:)

I love my ENTJ husband! He gets shit done!

Exflyboy

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #47 on: April 05, 2015, 07:49:48 PM »
I found out I'm an ENTJ.. so I should probably go and kill myself.. Naah, I'll just take over the world instead..:)

Apparently such delightful characters as Richard Nixon and the like were ENTJ's...:)

I love my ENTJ husband! He gets shit done!

Haha.. yes I guess using our own bare hands to build our own house and two airplanes (the last once cruised at 200mph).. All while working 50 to 60 hours a week.. Yeah I guess that could count as "getting shit done"..:)

Disclaimer.. Airplane ownership is NOT Mustacian..:)

waltworks

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #48 on: April 05, 2015, 08:04:06 PM »
So, apparently, everyone is IN__ ? Is there a category for "would never think taking a personality test is a good use of time" (though apparently posting about it on the internet is...)?

-W

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Re: Are you in a Briggs-Myers Mixed partnership. What have you learned?
« Reply #49 on: April 06, 2015, 01:02:35 PM »
Not a marriage, but in a mixed household, and I think it will still get at the gist of what you're asking.

I'm probably INJF.
My kid is probably ESFP.

We're very attached to each other, and have a LOT in common, but are very different in many ways.

So, my approaches for our differences:
  • Live in a place/situation where I can have solitude most hours and he can have people most hours. e.g., A self-contained apartment in a friendly townhouse complex or a cottage in the middle of a friendly village. Or, me working from home and him at school and out-of-school care. When he needs to talk more and I need to hear less, I suggest he call someone -he'll talk for another hour or two with them. 8pm I get to have silence. He can be awake, he can read, he can play quietly in bed, but the talk is over for the day. From 7am-8pm he can chatter as much as he likes.

  • Take him on trips to more people, leave him with them while I sit solo at a coffee shop, go for a hike, or visit a retreat centre.

  • He works through a written checklist (J) of tasks and then is free to do whatever (P). The quicker he gets through the checklist, the more P time he has, so he is super motivated, while I am relieved that things are put away regularly. Basically, there are 3 "J" times per day, and the rest he is free. The (J) checklists are posted visibly so his P can remember they exist.

  • Connect him with other Ss. They support him to engage with tools, mechanical stuff, materials. Teach him to do the maintenance and repair tasks I know. When the plumber or window fitter or whomever comes, schedule it for when he's around, allow him to follow them around and ask his questions. As he develops those skills, I let him take over more and more of those in our shared life. In groups, if there's an S task to do, I pitch for him to get to do it. This shows him I recognize and value this trait, and see its gifts.

  • Set up our lifestyle so his S has lots of opportunity to move his body, play in dirt, etc.

  • Rave about (audibly appreciate) the E, S, F, and P traits -and ESFP combo- I see in others, so he knows I see all Types as awesome, and don't think I'm the be all and end all.

  • Find activities that meet both letters at the same time, even though for different reasons. He likes breadth of contact, I like depth: Group socials where he can mingle with lots and I can immerse with one work. Swimming (we leave for that shortly) meets his S and my INF. For him, it's brightness and full body immersion in water and sounds. For me it's silent, solitary, non-talk space where I am left to daydream underwater. At the library, he explores ideas verbally with the librarian while I read.

  • Less stuff. My J pushes us to release more physical stuff, but I let his P decide what goes. Less stuff overall means all his P fits into a few (J) organizers, which makes it much easier for his P to locate each item when he wants them. In his room, he is allowed to spread stuff out, put things willy-nilly.