Author Topic: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?  (Read 32121 times)

StartingEarly

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Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« on: November 01, 2014, 10:31:29 AM »
I haven't seen much mention of it on here except for one post in the dating section that got zero response.  Is it rare for LGBT people to be Mustachian or am I just not noticing them?

arebelspy

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2014, 10:54:19 AM »
I've seen a number post on here, and met a few at some of the various Mustachian meetups.  Every one of them has been awesome, like the other Mustachians I've met.

Many may not post about it when it's not particularly relevant.

"SO" is a term anyone can use, and what does it matter if that significant other is the same gender as you or not?
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10dollarsatatime

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2014, 11:10:59 AM »
I think there are a few on the forums, but just like I don't add a "BTW, I'm straight" to the end of all my posts, they don't at a "BTW, I'm gay."  Occasionally there are hints in the context of posts.  But really... who cares?  Unless that person is making it your business, chances are... it's not.

sol

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2014, 11:20:01 AM »
I don't think this community has any higher or lower representation of LGBT individuals than any other relatively random group of people.  It's not like gay people are notoriously frugal, or not frugal.

Though I think that gay couples, especially gay men, often have a slight financial advantage over straight couples.  In part because they are more likely to not raise children, and in part because two men are statistically likely to earn more than a man and a woman or two women, just due to the gender pay gap.  Couples with very different incomes used to get hit with some tax penalties because they couldn't file as married, but even that's been corrected now. 

I've known gay couples that were a financial disaster, and couples that were really capitalizing on being lifelong DINKs.  Knowing that at the outset can really supercharge your savings plan. 

Thegoblinchief

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2014, 11:44:51 AM »
Yes. No. Maybe. Why does it matter?

StartingEarly

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2014, 11:51:28 AM »
I don't have many people in the community that I have much in common with financially.  I was hoping to see some frugal people from my community.  Unless I am really horrible at interpreting the tone of writing it seems like I am just getting yelled at instead.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2014, 11:59:05 AM »
We're married ladies :)

Exhale

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2014, 12:14:42 PM »
Interesting that you ask this question - I'm always careful about how "out" I am on the Internet. As a lesbian who has recently returned to the dating scene I've found it interesting to find that frugality is challenging to many of the middle class women I date. They don't want to give up drinks, dinners, movies, etc. It's made for some enlightening conversations (and, as yet, no girlfriend).

Sol's point about gay male couples often having higher income makes sense given that, in general men still make more than women.

To be honest, I kind of envy coupled Mustachians (straight or gay) who have a partner-in-crime, someone with whom to share their goals and endeavors. I don't say that to sound complainypants because I'm having a great time on this forum and building a Mustachian community.

Anyway, good luck building your own badass Mustachian community out there in Wisconsin!

begood

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2014, 01:17:51 PM »
I think maybe some responders are being protective of gay and lesbian forum members, not yelling at you. They seem to be saying that it doesn't matter to them if forum posters are gay or straight, and that posters may not find orientation a relevant descriptor in this forum unless it has a particular impact on their ability to reach FIRE. For example, in states where gays and lesbians can't marry, there are tax benefits they're missing out on, among many other things.

Have you tried the Mustachian and Single section of the forum?

mozar

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2014, 01:21:04 PM »
I think its normal to want to find other people to talk to, with whom you share immutable characteristics. Especially if you live in a place like Wisconsin which is less liberal (?).
« Last Edit: May 10, 2018, 12:41:52 PM by mozar »

arebelspy

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #10 on: November 01, 2014, 01:23:51 PM »

I don't have many people in the community that I have much in common with financially.  I was hoping to see some frugal people from my community.  Unless I am really horrible at interpreting the tone of writing it seems like I am just getting yelled at instead.

I don't see anyone yelling, so yeah, I think you may have misinterpreted the tone.

Some just pointing out why you may not have seen them, and wondering why it mattered.

They're normal people, ultimately. :)
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StartingEarly

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2014, 02:03:55 PM »
From a FIRE standpoint it could be helpful to talk to others about dealing with job situations that are exclusive to the LGBT community.  Many states allow you to be fired for being gay, and even though I have job protections in Wisconsin I have still had to deal with an individual threatening to get me fired before.  The union had to step in, it wasn't pleasant.  If they weren't stupid enough to have said something I could have ended up getting fired from them trying to turn the whole crew on me and it would have been under the catch all category "doesn't work well with others".  That nice little catchall will end up costing me close to $10,000 in lost compensation over the course of ten years when they used it early on in my career because I was too "different" from the crew.  So there are certain life aspects are solely LGBT issues that do tie in heavily with Mustachianism.  Just hard to start the conversation when you don't know who is who.

Exhale

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2014, 02:19:11 PM »
One of the reasons becoming FI is appealing to me is the chance to be free from being at the mercy of others in order to have a job. As we know, many people struggle with on-the-job discrimination (a dear friend was a black male nurse - not an easy path!). You're doing the right thing to get yourself to FI as soon as possible. Equally important is to build a community so that you have a place to go that welcomes and supports you. Suggestion: if there isn't a big LGBTQ community in your area, try to connect with other individuals/groups. I've yet to find MMM issues that specifically intersect with being LGBTQI (other than the aforementioned not needing to depend on others for a living), but am curious to find out what others think.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2014, 02:22:14 PM by Exhale »

Thegoblinchief

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #13 on: November 01, 2014, 02:24:28 PM »

I don't have many people in the community that I have much in common with financially.  I was hoping to see some frugal people from my community.  Unless I am really horrible at interpreting the tone of writing it seems like I am just getting yelled at instead.

I don't see anyone yelling, so yeah, I think you may have misinterpreted the tone.

Some just pointing out why you may not have seen them, and wondering why it mattered.

They're normal people, ultimately. :)

Yeah, it wasn't yelling at all. I was just pointing out the irrelevance on a semi-anonymous forum. I'm bisexual but happily in a straight marriage with kids. My alternate sexual preferences don't mean squat to anything in this community, so I usually don't bring it up at all. I think I mentioned it once in a thread just to point out that homeschooling families aren't all conservative religious types like they're stereotyped as being.

scrubbyfish

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2014, 02:29:43 PM »
I'm not sure if this feels like a fit for you, but if you are keen to have conversation which includes matters relating specifically to being LGB and/or T, I would consider starting either:

(a) threads on that topic, as they come up for you, eg, Under Ask a Mustachian a thread could be "being fired for being gay". This would draw people who have interest, experience, knowledge, advice, and/or sympathy. This might include some LGBT people, but may also include a straight lawyer that cares, justice advocates, etc.

(b) a Journal including LGBT in its title. This might draw the audience of other LGBT people, as well as straight or curious folks keen on learning about the LGBT experience as it relates to finances, etc. In that vein, some of us have something like "single parent" or "avid cyclist" or whatever in our Journal titles -whatever element of our being or life that we feel affects/dictates our finances the most.

A fair number of people on the forum identify as LGBT, but generally refer to this just when it comes up naturally in conversation and usually indirectly/casually. i.e., Sometimes a person is talking about the expense of dating, and we notice a reference to meeting people of the same sex. My very first PM was an apology on my part for assuming in a post that a certain member was a straight male. She had referred to her wife, and I had made an incorrect leap. She didn't say anything -I realized it myself, sent my apologetic note, and corrected my post. She was very gracious about it, and I've been more aware of not assuming I know anything about anyone that hasn't been explicitly posted.

As you hang out on the forum, you'll learn in a casual way who identifies as LGBT, who is in a straight relationship, and all sorts of other wonderful things.

frugalecon

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2014, 03:17:53 PM »
Happy to chime in and assure you that there are other LGBT Mustachians...at least if you count my spouse and myself. He actually has never really focused on it...he is just pretty frugal by nature. My contribution is making sure that the funds go to sensible investments. In truth, I am not sure that there are a lot of financial issues that are specific to the LGBT community...they would mostly apply to similarly situated straight couples. Though the potential for discrimination based on orientation is something real. I am fortunate to have a very supportive employer, where many LGBT folks are in significant positions of responsibility. If I didn't have a strong desire to retire, it would be a great place to stay until 65!

StartingEarly

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2014, 04:30:42 PM »
Part of the mustachian struggle for me lies in the area that I live in.  I always want to go to the big city, but it's over 100 miles away.  Then there's the job thing.  In my field where I am is one of the best places to be and also allows me to live at home for the time being.  Being discriminated against at work however causes a lot of stress.  I have been saving a lot and put away over 80k, but I am stuck here until my apprenticeship is over which is years away.

Nudelkopf

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #17 on: November 01, 2014, 04:44:31 PM »
(b) a Journal including LGBT in its title. This might draw the audience of other LGBT people, as well as straight or curious folks keen on learning about the LGBT experience as it relates to finances, etc. In that vein, some of us have something like "single parent" or "avid cyclist" or whatever in our Journal titles -whatever element of our being or life that we feel affects/dictates our finances the most.
"Australian" is also a common adjective of late ;)

I don't even notice the gender or age of many posters, let alone their sexuality.

scrubbyfish

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2014, 06:37:02 PM »
Part of the mustachian struggle for me lies in the area that I live in.  I always want to go to the big city, but it's over 100 miles away.  Then there's the job thing. [...] Being discriminated against at work however causes a lot of stress.  [...] I am stuck here until my apprenticeship is over which is years away.

I would propose that much of this is not LGBT-specific. So, you might make a thread like "discrimination (gay) at work" to see if anyone has advice about resolving that specific source of stress in your current employment, OR you might make a thread about "is a move possible??", if that's the primary heartache, OR you might make a thread about "stressful job, stuck for many years" and ask for advice/input on that aspect. Or you might start one thread per challenge.

Oodles of people here (all genders and orientations) are super stressed in their jobs, for all sorts of different reasons, some because of discrimination, some because of other forms of workplace bullying, some because of extreme boredom, some because the work itself conflicts with their deepest values, some because the hours are insane, and so on.

Some have asked for input on what to do in that situation and improved the situation considerably, making the experience far better for them while they are there, and some have successfully found their way out of a situation they felt stuck in.

So, ponder what your underlying question is, make a thread with that in the title, and request input. If the underlying question is specific to being LGBT, include that information. If the question is not really specific to that, but more specific to "feeling stuck in a stressful work situation", speak to that.

A lot of us will be distracted by irrelevant details (a.k.a. red herrings), so the more focused you can make your thread title and opening post (or edit it to that as you go along), the more relevant the responses will be.

ch12

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2014, 08:18:49 PM »
I think there are a few on the forums, but just like I don't add a "BTW, I'm straight" to the end of all my posts, they don't at a "BTW, I'm gay."  Occasionally there are hints in the context of posts.  But really... who cares?  Unless that person is making it your business, chances are... it's not.

I don't have many people in the community that I have much in common with financially.  I was hoping to see some frugal people from my community.  Unless I am really horrible at interpreting the tone of writing it seems like I am just getting yelled at instead.

I don't see anyone yelling, so yeah, I think you may have misinterpreted the tone.

Some just pointing out why you may not have seen them, and wondering why it mattered.

They're normal people, ultimately. :)

Yeah, it wasn't yelling at all. I was just pointing out the irrelevance on a semi-anonymous forum. I'm bisexual but happily in a straight marriage with kids. My alternate sexual preferences don't mean squat to anything in this community, so I usually don't bring it up at all. I think I mentioned it once in a thread just to point out that homeschooling families aren't all conservative religious types like they're stereotyped as being.

I'm surprised, and I've read a lot of GoblinChief's journal. I'm bi, and I don't think that's ever come up on the boards before. There just hasn't been a lot of discussion of it. *shrug* From what I'm getting in this thread, I'd guess that the majority of the Mustachians are fine with it.

VirginiaBob

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2014, 08:36:36 PM »
Anyone else into furries?  Just curious if we have any representation on these boards? 

NestEggChick (formerly PFgal)

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2014, 09:11:16 PM »
Yup, I'm queer, too. Like others have said, I'm not sure it has come up much for me on here. I might have mentioned it, but I really don't remember. It sounds like you're dealing with issues that can be discussed independent of the LGBT discrimination, like others have said, but of course, I understand wanting to find a community who really "gets it." So in that way, it makes perfect sense that you're looking for an lgbt mustachian community. Does your area have MMM meetup groups? Maybe you can ask around within those meetups. And when you go to queer events, keep an eye out for fellow mustachian-minded folks. In the meantime, just remember you're not alone on here :)

Wolf_Stache

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #22 on: November 01, 2014, 09:27:47 PM »
I agree with others that there are more than you realize.

I'm Bi, but other than a few references in my journal to going on dates with both men and women it doesn't really come up much.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2014, 09:47:20 PM »
I'm intrigued by the need to identify as LGBT in a community that - from what I've seen -  hasn't mentioned anything about  it or focused on it as an element of the community. Certainly there are some issues that financially affect the lgbt sector - but I haven't looked into it as its not something that affects me. I do work for a very LGBT friendly company and they have groups that address issues for them specifically. On here I assumed that there was little mention of it because it just doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is.

and I didn't read it as you being shouted at earlier.. maybe a hint of surprise that you'd bring it up but nothing against you.

I think this is a very friendly forum and pretty tolerant.

Even with all those convicts invading the Journal section (ok I'm off to hide now....)

marty998

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #24 on: November 02, 2014, 02:31:53 AM »

Even with all those convicts invading the Journal section

Ahem. A neat segue - our Sydney Convicts are the Gay Rugby World Champions too.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #25 on: November 02, 2014, 05:26:59 AM »
Yup, another LGBT mustachian representing here too.

And indeed, there are several financial issues that come up that are specific to us:
1. Where you live: trying to save $$$, live in a lower COL area, lower property taxes?  Well you have to take into account the location's acceptance of and community for us.  There are many places in the US where I either wouldn't feel safe and/or I would miss having a pack of my peeps.

2. Prior to the repeal of DOMA, if you got health insurance from your partner, you also got to pay taxes on that benefit unlike legally married straight folk.  Also, consider the cost of having to file additional tax returns -- it was so complicated filing couple returns in the state and single returns federally that it did require the services of a skilled tax person.

3. Getting married at all: again, it comes back to location, but this has massive tax consequences, survivor benefit consequences, life insurance implications...

4. You know the financial advantages you're mentioning regarding two gay men?  Well, we've got the financial disadvantages of two women to tackle...

So yea, it does matter, but these issues haven't been on these forums too much.  But if someone did bring them up and I feel entirely welcome to do so here, there would clearly be some LGBT/Q mustachians who would be interested and experienced to reply...

scrubbyfish

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #26 on: November 02, 2014, 09:23:44 AM »
+1 about the tribe-location piece.

I said in my Journal recently that I disagree with the adage of "no geographical cure". After my last move, I called bullshit on it, because for the last 3? 4? years I was in Vancouver (BC, Canada), which one might think would offer tribe for almost everyone, but it sure didn't for me. I moved to a tiny rural village that does, and my entire experience of being on the planet is infinitely better!

My move wasn't focused on LGBT matters -there are other variables that are even higher priorities for me personally- but as it happens, the new place does indeed have a good representation of LGBT/Q and that is indeed one aspect that infuses me with new happiness. So yeah, some of us need to move from one location to another so that a basic need is met, and being with other LGBT/Q may be one such need.

StartingEarly

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #27 on: November 02, 2014, 01:56:30 PM »
Yes, while it can be viewed as anti-mustachian to purposely move to a higher cost of living area without a higher cost of living appropriate job some of us find it very necessary to move to retain sanity.  I am currently trapped by the money I am making now and the apprenticeship that I am under.  If I moved now I would have a hard time continuing my career path.  So now home has ended up where I don't belong.

scrubbyfish

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #28 on: November 02, 2014, 03:32:01 PM »
StartingEarly: Even though nothing is guaranteed, I encourage you to start a thread about the stuckness part. You just never know! The place I moved to ended up much cheaper, as well as at least as diverse, much friendlier, etc. For that matter, several of the very rural and strange places I have lived in were high in LGBT population and LGBT friendliness. One place I lived was way out in the boonies, at the top of a mountain, in what the residents identified as a "polyamourous dyke commune". The folks living there had each found ways to "do the impossible" -walk away from their fancy careers in Vancouver and, with no experience whatsoever, build their own homes by hand by following instructions in a library book- in order to experience joy instead.

So, finding one's tribe isn't always about being in a bigger city, for example, and doesn't necessarily have to involve a higher cost of living.

You very well might decide to stay put for now to keep your current income and/or because it is the only or best place to complete the apprenticeship, but there MAY be other options too. Or suggestions for how to enjoy your life there until you can leave, or the value of releasing a specific level of income or a specific career path, etc. Worth exploring? If nothing else, a full discussion of the circumstance, dreams, barriers, and options may help clarify things for you (which for me is always healing in itself), help you develop a solid exit strategy so you are ready to go the minute that doing so becomes an option, and give you confident, hope, and peace in the meantime.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2014, 03:57:07 PM »
Hard to move does not mean impossible to move. I moved to DC with exactly 300 dollars and no other assets. It can be done.

StartingEarly

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #30 on: November 02, 2014, 05:08:49 PM »
There are a lot of things holding me here.  Beyond the job most of my family is here.  The only other place I have family that I see regularly is in Arizona, not exactly the friendliest place to move to.  I have an almost two year old nephew, so it would be very hard for me to move away from him.  Also I am currently living at home, so my expenses would likely double if not triple.

mozar

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #31 on: November 07, 2014, 09:12:12 PM »
As important as family is, it's still a choice. If you think you could be happier living in a big city, you can always move back home after a few years.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #32 on: November 08, 2014, 10:04:54 AM »
Here's my gay two cents:  :-)

1. The only reason I found this website was because of an article I read with a picture of MMM.  He's sort of my type lol.

2. The LGBTTIAQQ* community has its own specific work issues as has been mentioned.  W're more likely to be discriminated against at work and passed over for promotions (http://cdn.americanprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/issues/2011/06/pdf/workplace_discrimination.pdf)

3. Housing can be an issue - some of the rougher or "transitional" neighborhoods with low housing prices may not be gay friendly.

4. When you partner with someone (I don't) in a state that doesn't allow marriage, you get severely screwed on your taxes.

5. In my opinion, speaking specifically about the gay male community, we face additional challenges due to consumerism and anti-mustachian motivations.  When marketing firms finally wised-up on the idea that single and coupled men without kids would have more money to spend, we started getting bombarded with advertising.  Here in Florida, it's not at all uncommon to find myself invited to a pool party with a $30 cover charge full of men drinking $12 cocktails, wearing $75 bathing suits, and $200 sunglasses.  We ate up that consumer message and - unfortunately - incorporated much of it into our community identity. 

6. I've had a hell of a time finding a similarly frugal guy to date in real life.  Most Mustachian activities are far from flashy and glamorous, making  first impressions a delicate display of smoke and mirrors. lol

7. The benefit of FI is sex and gender neutral.  We may have to adapt some of the ideas to our specific life circumstances but it can be done.  It's worth it.

*Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Two-Spirit (Native American classification), Intersexed, Allied, Queer, and Questioning

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #33 on: November 08, 2014, 11:16:39 AM »
Here's my gay two cents:  :-)

2. The LGBTTIAQQ* community has its own specific work issues as has been mentioned.  W're more likely to be discriminated against at work and passed over for promotions

5. In my opinion, speaking specifically about the gay male community, we face additional challenges due to consumerism and anti-mustachian motivations.  When marketing firms finally wised-up on the idea that single and coupled men without kids would have more money to spend, we started getting bombarded with advertising.  Here in Florida, it's not at all uncommon to find myself invited to a pool party with a $30 cover charge full of men drinking $12 cocktails, wearing $75 bathing suits, and $200 sunglasses.  We ate up that consumer message and - unfortunately - incorporated much of it into our community identity. 

*Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Two-Spirit (Native American classification), Intersexed, Allied, Queer, and Questioning

I always have to chuckle to myself when I see some variation of this: LGBTTIAQQ. How about one easy word to identify the community as a whole: Queer. That one word pretty much encompasses everything not heterosexual.

I definitely see the issues you have with #5. Nearly all of my queer friends are head over heels in consumerism; it's absolutely ridiculous. And I would agree that consumerism / overspending is very much becoming a part of the identity of the queer community. At many parties and gatherings, my wife and I are the only straights in the crowd and several times I've gotten comments because I choose not to wear new, brand name clothing or drink brand name booze. Some guys even laugh and say they instantly knew I was a breeder just because of the clothing. I find it quite unfortunate that heavy spending is almost a must in the community.

sol

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #34 on: November 08, 2014, 12:00:18 PM »
So this discussion is contradicting my early assertion that the queer community isn't particularly frugal or not frugal.  It sounds like at least in some circles, being gay does equate to overspending on ridiculous things.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #35 on: November 08, 2014, 12:52:31 PM »
Me. Please have an LGBT Mustachian meetup in my area?
The local LGBT center is even inaccessible without a car... which, yes, means that any teenagers going to their support group for under 16s need to get their parents or someone else to drive them. It's insane and probably dangerous.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #36 on: November 08, 2014, 01:19:38 PM »
So this discussion is contradicting my early assertion that the queer community isn't particularly frugal or not frugal.  It sounds like at least in some circles, being gay does equate to overspending on ridiculous things.

I think you were on target in the first place, sol. Overspending on ridiculous things happens in a lot of straight circles, too, as we know, and I know craploads of queer folk who run at the frugal end...for mainstream society. Vancouver BC's East Van, for example, hosts a fair number that would meet this definition.

I think that on these forums we find that being frugal is a minority in many of the geographical regions represented (North America, Europe, and so on), while some parts of the world have more people doing low-spending due to circumstances.

A good number of straight people on this forum have said it's really hard to find frugal friends, frugal people to date, etc, in the straight community, too. So, to me it seems the matter is that we Mustachian people -queer or straight- are a minority in any setting: work, church, book clubs, malls, school communities, on the road, etc. We're all swimming against the tide, regardless of the type of water we're in.

A catch is that queer-identified folk have also long been a minority, too, so that ends up being a double whammy. i.e., Finding folks who are openly Mustachian and openly queer...getting statistically lower. (And then one would hope to have additional things in common, too!) Happily, as more and more people across the world feel safe identifying as queer, this gap reduces. And then the same may slowly happen in terms of folks coming around to Mustachian, closing the gap even further.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #37 on: November 09, 2014, 03:47:36 PM »
Maybe it just feels like there aren't many on here because everyone is primarily focused on finances. Even in my journal I've never seen fit to mention my orientation. I'm also in a stable straight relationship, so it just has never come up that I fall near the middle of the Kinsey scale and have identified as queer. I don't think it's relevant, for the most part. *shrug*

I do sympathise with you, though. It's not easy to be swimming against so many conventional tides. Good luck!

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #38 on: November 09, 2014, 05:56:46 PM »
I understand it's not something that tends to come up in normal conversation, that's why I put the question out there.  I figured the number would be low.  Mustachians are rare, LGBT people are somewhat rare.  So I figured rare times rare equals really rare.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #39 on: November 09, 2014, 07:41:10 PM »
Hi. I'm a lesbian with a sweetheart who is almost as Mustachian as me, though I handle most of the finances and planning.

No one has been rude to me on these forums. It's live and let live from what I can tell. You're more likely to get a face punch for being reckless with money than anyone giving a fart about sexual orientation.

It took me a long time to find a partner who dealt with money as I do. She wishes she'd met me sooner in life so she'd been wiser with her earnings.

From my dating experience, too many women are looking for someone to take care of them rather than a partnership with a common goal. I'm not making sweeping generalizations about women or lesbians. I'm just sharing my experiences.

Just don't settle for a partner who pulls you away from your goals. It's easy to get lonely, but the wrong partner can do a lot of damage to your life.




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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #40 on: November 09, 2014, 07:57:34 PM »
From my dating experience, too many women are looking for someone to take care of them rather than a partnership with a common goal. I'm not making sweeping generalizations about women or lesbians. I'm just sharing my experiences.

Just don't settle for a partner who pulls you away from your goals. It's easy to get lonely, but the wrong partner can do a lot of damage to your life.

This could apply to anyone in the non-LGBTTIAQQ (i.e. "straight") camp as well. Which is why my answer the OP's question is that I believe the ratio is exactly the same across the board. Getting to FIRE is about determination, not orientation.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #41 on: November 09, 2014, 08:28:08 PM »
From my dating experience, too many women are looking for someone to take care of them rather than a partnership with a common goal. I'm not making sweeping generalizations about women or lesbians. I'm just sharing my experiences.

Just don't settle for a partner who pulls you away from your goals. It's easy to get lonely, but the wrong partner can do a lot of damage to your life.

This could apply to anyone in the non-LGBTTIAQQ (i.e. "straight") camp as well. Which is why my answer the OP's question is that I believe the ratio is exactly the same across the board. Getting to FIRE is about determination, not orientation.

Ok forgive me. I try to keep up with acronyms but this one has me stumped.

Lesbian-Gay-Bi-Trans-T(?)-Intersex-A(?)-Queer-Q(?)

Please help a brother out who is not across these things :)

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #42 on: November 09, 2014, 09:09:12 PM »
Quote from: marty998 link=topic=25875.msg448741#msg448741

Ok forgive me. I try to keep up with acronyms but this one has me stumped.

Lesbian-Gay-Bi-Trans-T(?)-Intersex-A(?)-Queer-Q(?)

Please help a brother out who is not across these things :)

Two-spirited: its historically a Native American person who identifies with both genders (or neither gender) and can be sexually attracted to both/either genders. To oversimplify, think a bisexual person that sometimes crossdresses (or mix-dresses) and during these periods of crossdressing could identify very strongly as the sex opposite their birth gender. As you can see it's a bit complicated and also the definition can vary among different distinct tribal nations.

Allied: any person queer or straight that openly supports the community

Questioning: self explanatory I think.
« Last Edit: November 09, 2014, 09:28:15 PM by TuxedoEagle »

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #43 on: November 10, 2014, 07:56:13 AM »
I understand it's not something that tends to come up in normal conversation, that's why I put the question out there.  I figured the number would be low.  Mustachians are rare, LGBT people are somewhat rare.  So I figured rare times rare equals really rare.

That's bad math.

Unless there's little overlap in the sets (due to LGBTetc folks being less frugal than average or something), the subset of Mustachians who are LG... should be the same percentage as the subset of the overall population.

In other words, the percentage here should be the same as the percentage elsewhere.

The overall raw number may be low, due to there not being very many Mustachians and the percentage being low, but the percentage should be the same.
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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #44 on: November 10, 2014, 08:51:40 AM »
Allied: any person queer or straight that openly supports the community

Thanks for the explanation TuxedoEagle, I hadn't heard of that one yet. Count me in with the Allied group then. I can't say I've ever had any thoughts other than straight, but I have a hard time understanding why anyone would discriminate based on sexual orientation. Fear I guess, I don't know? It's one of the main reasons I simply can't be Catholic anymore.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2014, 09:21:16 AM by Cheddar Stacker »

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #45 on: November 10, 2014, 09:15:39 AM »
I don't why but seeing the responses made me smile, both that we have a decent sized LGBTQ group on here but also the swift response that it does not matter to from many allies on the board.  For a financial site, this forum is quite "liberal" for the lack of a better word, maybe open is the better word and that really makes me happy to be here.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #46 on: November 10, 2014, 09:39:12 AM »
That which stirs my loins has little impact on the flow of money.

For the record, bi male here.

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #47 on: November 10, 2014, 12:08:06 PM »
New to the boards here.

Have been in a relationship with my husband for 7 years (although only married as of Jan 2014) and I have usually handled the bill payments for most of it. When we met he would be late on every bill even though he had the money in the bank. I wasn't having any of that!

He constantly talks about wanting to be able to retire early, travel more, own a modest home, be debt free... and the like. But when I suggested we sit down to take a look at the mustachian way of life he is not willing. It's the one area in our financial lives where I can't be the leader. :)

It is aggravating because we are in a position now where our combined income and some mustachian thinking could get us to retirement by 40 (I am 31 and he is 29).

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #48 on: November 10, 2014, 12:32:36 PM »
From my dating experience, too many women are looking for someone to take care of them rather than a partnership with a common goal. I'm not making sweeping generalizations about women or lesbians. I'm just sharing my experiences.

Just don't settle for a partner who pulls you away from your goals. It's easy to get lonely, but the wrong partner can do a lot of damage to your life.

This could apply to anyone in the non-LGBTTIAQQ (i.e. "straight") camp as well. Which is why my answer the OP's question is that I believe the ratio is exactly the same across the board. Getting to FIRE is about determination, not orientation.

Ok forgive me. I try to keep up with acronyms but this one has me stumped.

Lesbian-Gay-Bi-Trans-T(?)-Intersex-A(?)-Queer-Q(?)

Please help a brother out who is not across these things :)
Sorry, Marty, it was defined upstream in the comments. I was just looking for a more interesting way to say "straight", lest anyone read my comment as judgmental, which is not my intent.

scrubbyfish

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Re: Are there many LGBT Mustachians?
« Reply #49 on: November 10, 2014, 01:42:32 PM »
From my dating experience, too many women are looking for someone to take care of them rather than a partnership with a common goal.

Dudes, too. I haven't dated any gay men, as far as I know, but have dated bisexual men and straight men. In four out of my five serious relationships, the guy wanted me to support him financially. The fifth didn't express any need or desire for me to support him financially -he was solid for bringing in his own income- but he was absolutely unwilling to partner around finances (e.g., divulge his earnings, plan together, file taxes together as would have been required by law, etc) so that ended up being another financial no go.

I agree with you, DocCyane, that we just can't generalize. It'd be too easy if we could know who was a good Mustachian partner just by gender, orientation, location, etc. Alas, we must dig so much more deeply, and into a realm most people don't like to chat about on the first few dates.