I still feel guilty and like I am a waste of space.
I totally understand how you feel! I feel like this all the time!
I'm going through the SSDI process right now. Just over a year ago, at age 40, I had a sudden, unexpected illness that made me lose most of my hearing and destroyed my vestibular system. Before that I was healthy, low-weight, active - jogged 3+ miles almost daily, rode horses, rode my bike, swam, ate a very healthy diet... (so for everyone who is thinking, "I'm healthy, I don't need insurance..." OMG! Get it today!!!) There's no cure, and no way to regrow the dead vestibular nerves, and the best the specialists can tell me is to hope the last 5% of my nerve dies, which will - maybe - stop the terrible vertigo spells and falls. Or it might make things worse.
Anyway. I used to manage benefits and wellness at work and loved my career. My boss didn't want me at work (after my 3rd bad fall on the job, the last one in front of a 40 person audience), as I was a "workers' compensation claim waiting to happen." I'd done what I'd preached, and purchased the "buy-up" LTD plan. I was approved for my LTD plan right away, so I'm getting 60% of my earnings. The LTD carrier requires me to apply for SSDI, but they are paying for Allsup to do the application for me. I live in fear that if SSDI denies my claim, the LTD carrier will suddenly "re-evaluate" my case and cut off their benefits.
I started my SSDI application in July, and just had an exam thru one of their doctors on Dec 23rd. The doctor told me that I should get a response from SS by the end of January... I'm really worried about it, but I tell myself that my condition meets one of the "listings" and I have tons of medical evidence, including MRI, VNG, & CT scans and a slew of audiologist reports... Still, SSDI denies the majority of claims on the first application, so... *fingers crossed*
We also sold our house, moved to a lower cost of living area, bought a 1 story home by mass-transit, since I can't drive... a lot of changes but good ones as far as lowering costs long-term and being in a safer environment.
Keep us updated on how your claim goes! Who is your LTD carrier?