OP, I could have written something similar to your post. The dishwasher is one of the hot topics around our house!
We bought a new Bosch dishwasher last year (forget the model, I think 800 series). We chose one of the new models because we wanted the new 3rd rack for cutlery.
We avoid processed foods, so we cook from scratch, plus we have a young family and therefore have a lot of dishes. We'd used a dishwasher with 3rd rack in another country for a couple of years successfully and thought we knew what we were in for (although it was a different brand, I think a Miele). We were looking forward to the extra space for pots and things.
After our old dishwasher was putting rust everywhere, we agonized over spending so much money but eventually decided to go for it. I am EXTREMELY fussy with clean dishes (they need to look clean and most importantly smell clean) and we just didn't want to deal with the drama of getting a crap one and then wishing we'd spent a bit extra and got one we'd be happy with.
Anyway, I can't even tell you how much drama and fights that damn thing has caused. If we'd kept the old one, I seriously would have put it back, put up with the rust, and eaten the cost of the new one. It just doesn't clean properly. Not enough heat and not enough water. It uses so little water that a lot of the water it uses apparently isn't hot enough by the time it comes through the pipe from the water heater which is only 1.5 rooms away.
We're analytical types so we spent many an evening laying on the floor in front of that damn thing, trying to figure out how the sprays work and how we could get our usual load of dishes clean. And of course we've already spent time looking at the dishwasher hose under the sink and making sure there aren't any low spots etc.
We eventually settled on a type of routine that makes it work for us 95% of the time. First, we can't use the 3rd rack. Forget it. No way that anything gets clean that way. The cutlery at the top stays dirty and it also blocks the next big rack from getting clean too. It's now an expensive accessory that sits on the fridge.
Second, we rinse the super dirty things (i.e. to get chunks off) but not everything. Apparently "these machines need a bit of dirt to clean properly", and it actually does seem that way, otherwise the dishwasher tablet is too strong and just ends up on the dishes at the end without being rinsed off which makes them smell which I can't stand. And then we can only use 1/2 to 2/3 of a dishwasher tablet (although half needs the powerball thing), depending on how dirty the load is. More is too much and less is too little. And since we have hard water, we also need to add a tablespoon of citric acid. (But note that we didn't even need to do this with the old dishwasher, we just added in one dishwasher tab and away it went and out came clean dishes!) Oh and forget running half a load - we wait until there is exactly a full load every time otherwise the ratios are always way off and the dishes aren't clean.
Then, after unloading every load, we need to scrub the filter thoroughly with a hard brush. We're not talking chicken bones, but even the slightest bit of sludge left on it tends to make the next load dirty.
When loading the dishwasher, we need to be super careful with the stacking. Nothing can be remotely touching something else, or there will be a bit of food stuck there and the whole load will stink. No light bowls that may flip over. Nothing with multiple compartments. Nothing with any sort of indentation facing upwards or there will be dirty water pooling in it at the end, and the rest of the load will also stink of course since the rinse water was contaminated. Big cooking spoons must be aligned just so. Nothing against edges of the dishwasher where the sprays won't get to it. If we put a baby bottle in, it needs to be in one of only a few possible places (e.g. "3rd prong from the right back bottom corner") and if you don't put it exactly there then it won't be cleaned.
When we're just about to turn on a new load, we also need to run the water very hot in the sink so the pipes fill with hot water. And we need to make sure the sink waste disposal is completely clear, so there's nothing obstructing the water leaving the dishwasher drain.
We used to also run it on a heavy load with extra rinse every time, but since we're very consistent with all of the above, we've been getting away with a heavy run lately for most of the dishes without the extra rinse. But there are still problems sometimes, like for example just this morning two bowls came out inexplicably dirty with heaps of small chunks of stuff on them even though it was all fresh soft food and the dishes were all stacked properly. Go figure.
Anyway, if we mess anything up, and the dishes come out looking cleaner but smelling filthy (to me), then we generally need to handwash the whole lot in the sink. It's not possible to put them in the dishwasher again, because then they aren't dirty enough and so you can't use the dishwasher tablet but if you don't use any tablet then they just come out smelling the same even if you clean the filter first. It's incredibly frustrating. Sometimes the smell is subtle, so it hits me like a truck but DH can only smell it when he gets up really close to sniff the dishes (at my insistence), but sometimes it's so bad that even he can smell it on his own without getting up close (and that's saying a LOT).
Oh it's also an adjustment getting used to some things being wet when we unload the dishwasher, because there's no heating element to dry things properly. We usually need to shake off anything wet and put it in the draining rack to dry properly.
This dishwasher looks very pretty and it's very quiet (it's true about the red dot, you really do need it sometimes to know that you've turned it on, and we have an extremely calm house, very little background noise) but who cares about that when the dishes don't get clean!
For a while there it almost seemed easier to wash all the dishes by hand, but now things are working for us, as long as we never forget our routine. There's still quite a bit that needs to be handwashed every day though (especially smaller/lighter toddler-related things) that I think most other people would be able to throw in their "normal" dishwasher.
But overall, if you get one of these new "efficient" dishwashers and you have really high cleaning standards then you might need to spend a lot of time figuring out a system that works for you. I hope our procedure gives some ideas to anyone who's really frustrated. Good luck! :)