Sigh, I am 55 years old, and I can't believe I'm writing this, or I should say I can't believe I'm in a position to be writing this. Although I'm glad I found the MMM site, and I'm totally bought into the lifestyle, I find that I have to constantly fight feelings of hopelessness over my situation. I don't think catching up is really an option.
I didn’t start earning a nice salary until my late 39's, but since that time I’ve done ok. I’ve worked in several areas of the Information Technology field for about the last 18 years or so, from pretty technical stuff to management. My last (contract) job as a Network Engineer paid about $130k.
In 1999 I hired on with a large company that I thought I’d stay with until retirement--and along with retirement would be a nice pension. Then in 2008 I got laid off in a big outsourcing move that was totally out of the blue. I still had several years to go before getting fully vested for a pension, so that was that. Since then I’ve jumped around quite a bit, mostly doing long term contracts, most of which were negative experiences in terms of being worked to death or having to endure environments where politics took precedence over, well, everything.
I’ve been interested in the stock market for over a decade, and over the last 2-3 years I’ve done a lot of day trading in my off hours (I worked mostly swing shift so my mornings were free). I worked hard at honing my trading skills, and started to consistently make money. I made nice money from September 2012 through May of this year. Meanwhile, my regular job required 70+ hours a week in a very stressful environment, plus a long commute (in fact, my entire IT career averaged 65+ hours a week). I decided in April that just couldn't stand it anymore and would step off of the corporate hamster wheel to day trade for a living. My last day of work was this last May 17th.
Well, that has only gone so-so. In fact, "so-so" is probably optimistic. I’m not sure I’m going to make it as a day trader. I’m really concerned.
The thing is, at this point in my life I’m just so, so sick of the corporate world I’d endure almost anything to not go back. And if does come down to having to go back to a job, I have lots of experience but my skills are pretty obsolete and run of the mill at this point. I don't think I'd be competitive in the job market. So, I'd have to mount a re-education program for about the 5th time in my life. Also, I had two jobs over a 17 year period, but since 2008 I've had six jobs. It can be all be explained, four of the six were contract positions at the same large company from which I got laid off, but
Regarding my personal habits, I’ve never been exactly spendy, never wanted to buy big, showy, expensive things, but until not too long ago I lived my financial life totally unconsciously. I did all the dumb things MMM talks about. I bought my lunch every day; I commuted almost 40 miles to work one way; if I wanted something, I bought it; I financed new cars (nothing fancy, ever, but new). I took money out of my house to buy an “investment property” in 2006 (perfectly timed to hit the top of the market), which I had to short sell last year.
One more thing: my wife and I divorced in 2012, after 24 years of marriage. My now ex-wife worked this to perfection, and as a result I had to pay a six figure sum of money to her, and I further pay a significant amount in alimony. In California, any marriage lasting 10 years or more is considered a “long term marriage,” which means there is no set end to the alimony. So, unless she gets remarried, starts earning significant money (not too likely) or dies, I’m on the hook for alimony ($1850/mo.!) for the foreseeable future. This was a savagely fought divorce--my ex stated to my face that she was out to take everything I had--so it cost a ton in legal fees on top of everything else [Feeling defensive here--no, I didn't cheat on her, LOL]. I can challenge her claim to alimony periodically, but that in itself can be expensive and I'd have to have good inside information on her current situation. It's a tough, tough position to be in.
At this point I live a pretty effing frugal life. I started riding my bike locally, I’m going to get a scooter, I have no debt other than my house, I don’t have cable TV, I have a relatively pricey mobile phone plan but will be changing to Republic Wireless in the next month, I have AAA car insurance but will be changing that in the next month as well. My car is relatively economical (a 2008 Honda Accord 4 cyl), and I own it. I almost never eat out. I have two room renters who contribute a total of $1150 a month. I watch the utilities like a hawk, or as much as I can with two tenants.
Still, though, I can’t stop wondering what the use is of all of this frugality, since there's so little time left to change things significantly. If I didn't have to pay alimony, maybe I could live on next to nothing and save a ton of cash for 10 years, until I was 65. But, I DO have to pay alimony, and with that and my mortgage payment, even if I start making good money trading again or I (god forbid) go back to a regular job, my expenses are a huge headwind. Just my combined alimony and mortgage payment are $4480/mo., which means I have to gross around $70k/year just to pay those two items. My room rental income brings that down to $3330/mo., but that is still a large chunk of cash. It's very discouraging (trying not to use the other "D" word). It seems like I’m destined to bust my ass until the very end--I have this vision of my coworkers finding my 76 year old body in my worker bee cubicle, slumped over my computer.
Just a few numbers:
I have about $150k equity in my house (I owe $360k), $50k in my trading account, and a tiny IRA ($90k). I live in southern California, and my only family, my daughter and grandson, are nearby, so I'm reluctant to move away from them to a cheaper housing market.
My other bills (other than mortgage and alimony) come to about $1200/mo, including $300/mo. for miscellaneous. So, it'd be pretty much impossible to get my monthly responsibilities under about $5200-$5300/month.
As far as income...shit I don't even know. When I was trading part time I was making about $8k/mo, but for the last couple of months it seems that every button in my trading software should say "donate $500". Trading is very lucrative if you're good, but I've gotten frustrated and down on myself, and have done dumb things just out of being obstinate. When you try to get into a pissing match with the market you almost always lose.
Anyway, I'm not even sure what the purpose of this post is, other than to get it off my chest and because, by God, there's a category in the MMM forum called "anyone over 40 and trying to catch up?".
I'll take any feedback, though, if it's offered with positive intention.