Hi all. Pardon me if I ramble on...have a million thoughts in my head constantly.
I've been reading ER topics since college. My motivation is that I don't like to fake it and deal with people I dislike or cannot respect, and don't like to take directions from authority. Always thought that I should have my own business, but a dabble here and there led to nowhere. Figured it's easier to FI and live off of investments.
Spouse (S for short) and I are DI(is and will stay)NKs in our late 30s. I've never had any dreams or aspirations for any career. Perhaps a passion in singing but my voice is not meant to be. ;) I get bored easily and hopped from job to job, until, somehow, I managed to fall into a niche field and became sort of an expert. I make low six-figures, and S makes twice as much. With high savings rate, although we've not budgeted our expenses and have spent on high end items (furniture, travel, food), I crunched the numbers recently and we're FI. Our only debt is mortgage.
S is a people person who likes and wants to work and interact with people in the office. He also likes having a high income that would cover what we spend naturally without a budget - not that the spending is high. I would like to travel and live in multiple places months at a time as FIREd, but I don't want to do it without him.
Not sure what reasons I could have but I've always dreaded waking up in the mornings - read in some forum that it shows having no courage to face the day. My job is dreamy by all account: my manager is nice, super flexible on scheduling, work is not busy or stressful, and, of course, good benefits and pay. But I'm bored, hated dealing with reviews/HR paperwork nonsense, and passive aggressive mean people who don't do their jobs then affect me.
So I'm FI and can walk away. My friends think I would be crazy to quit. I feel guilty thinking about leaving as I know family and friends who have no luck looking for jobs, not to mention such a cushy one. I keep playing a game of picking a month to quit, but shot each one down as there are different deadlines and projects due, or stock shares vesting.
S wants to keep working, likes having a spacious house (whereas I think it's too much for 2), does that mean that he can pay for it all by himself? The property taxes alone is half of MMM's family budget. I've got my savings but don't like being thought of as mooching on him (especially by the in-laws and relatives, but mostly my own pride). He sees how unhappy I am and thinks that I should quit, but I feel guilty and foolish thinking about walking away with so much resource/power that I could earn to help out family, charity, or towards more retirement cushion. I'm a bit lost thinking about meaning and purpose...(Don't say volunteer, as I'm anxious dealing with people and a bit lazy and unmotivated to move about - I just find it easier to donate money.)
I'd read a post that stated one should retire towards something...am not sure if I quit what I would be walking towards? I have many hobbies but often times just feel so "meh" about it all. Anyway, perhaps I overthink (I'm sure of it)...reading too many forums add fuel to the fire. I'd been told by the doctor as being depressed but I disagree most of the time. I mean, WHAT do I have to complain about with this life? I AM enjoying and have enjoyed life, just with constant question marks in my head. Is it possible to feel guilty about being unhappy when one seem to have it all? Have started taking up jogging to improve mood and health. In the meantime, no action (regarding employment) is my action. Wondering if anyone relate, or what advice you have - on anything, or specifically when your spouse doesn't want to ER and not limiting budgets?