Posted this to /r/relationships, but thought I would see what the MMM community has to say. Here is what I submitted:
Been together over 8 years, married this year. Since the wedding passed I've been really focusing on our finances, especially since I brought in around $80k in student loans. We both had financed cars and bought a house together (under my name) 2.5 years ago ($100k left on mortgage) . I came across the FIRE (financially independent, retired early) concept via MMM (Mr. Money Mustache), and after running some numbers we can be retired with fairly minimal effort by 40! All we have to do is continue filling out our IRA's and start filling out our 401(k)'s starting at age 30 at the latest.
I realize that I've become a bit of a tightwad, and it's become an occasional sore spot for us. I brought up the idea that we should both get a cash allowance each month for unconditional spending, and she agreed to it. I have all our spending for the month budgeted and keep track of every transaction. I've tried to loosen up a bit, and we've gone out to eat and drink several times this month (goes under a $1k "Everything Else" budget). We've also bought some Halloween decorations.
Here's the incident that inspired my post: we were at Party City getting decorations for a party we're hosting next weekend, and she wanted to get a few things. $10 here, $12 there, etc. All I see is dollar signs, but I understand she wants the house to look nice for the party. Then we come across this huge, skeletal reaper for $100 and she tells me she wants it. I say "okay", but she can see the reluctance in me. I mention that the things she's getting don't really have a central theme, with what we already have at home being kinda "cutesy".
She takes a second, then asks "well, what do you want?", clearly annoyed. I point out a few things that I thought meshed better with our current theme (and were much cheaper), and she doesn't say anything. Silence ensues, and she pulls out here phone and starts surfing Facebook. I know I've lost her now. I walk away for a few minutes and when I come back she's put everything back and says "let's just go". We ride home in silence, and here I am. What could I have done better?
How should I handle these situations in the future? Should I just play along and act enthusiastic about spending money on stuff? This kinda thing happens at least once a month.
TL;DR: How can I best handle situations when my wife wants to spend money but I think it could be better served paying down debt and/or saving for retirement?