Tough situation, obviously from all the discussions in this forum you are not alone!
Could part of the disagreement be that you are simply talking past each other, and not focusing on actual, measurable goals? For example, in your post you said:
We are currently saving about 1/4 of our income.
Then you said:
So then I suggest that I'm up for moving to a bigger place, but we need to discuss what we will cut out of the budget as we are currently spending everything he makes.
Those two statements alone are a disconnect to me, and I wouldn't be surprised if your husband sees it that way too. Saving 25% is actually really good compared to most average, lame-ass Americans, which is probably what your husband recognizes and why he feels like he is being deprived and should be able to buy more "stuff." But as you know, you could also do much better than 25%, particularly on a high income.
My guess is it would help to:
a. Have some discussions where you focus on mutual, measurable saving/spending goals. I.e., how much you want to save, and how much he wants to spend. See if you can find a compromise on the savings rate that can both agree to, and let him know that once you agree on that rate, you'll let him spend at will, no questions asked.
b. Once you have the agreed savings rate, set it on autopilot so that it comes out of his paycheck first, every single paycheck.
c. Anything left over, you and he get to spend without guilt. If he wants to buy that 9th big screen TV, as wasteful as it is, let him, and don't harass him about it. As long as you're meeting your savings goal above, everything is fine.
d. Take a break from these discussions whenever it becomes heated, and return to it when you are both calm again. Just make it a goal to eventually come up with a saving and spending rate you can both agree to.
e. Also, agree to revisit the discussion at some specified interval (say every 6 months or year) in case either of you feels like an adjustment is needed. This lets you both know nothing is set in stone, forever.
f. If you
can't reach a mutual savings/spending goal in these discussions, then some third party help will likely be needed.
If it helps, I used to be your husband in a lot of ways. He very well may come around, in time. Based on what you've described, and how closely I aligned with him, I'll tell you another thing that will likely go a
looooong way in getting what you want, and improving the overall relationship: Let him know how much you appreciate him being the breadwinner, how hard he works for you and the family, and how awesome it is that he has been so successful at his young age. Let him know you're on his team and that you value what he does. Don't just do it once, do it repeatedly so he really understands you appreciate him.
Seriously, once he knows that you really do appreciate him bringing home the big bucks, it will likely melt a lot of his resistance. Otherwise, he just sees you as challenging him being a successful, big boy and he's going to put up even more resistance.