Am I there yet? OMYyyyyy. Pandemic edition.

[RetireAbroadAt35]

About a year ago, I posted a thread to reflect on the last year's OMY syndrome and consider if my job change was changing any of my FIRE intentions.  It hadn't, and I decided to consider it an additional form of due diligence on the whole RE concept and a bit of a victory lap.  More weight to add to the "leave" side of the scale.

But here I am, a year later. Dutifully exchanging my time and will for a paycheck.

A quick recap:

• Working-class background but found myself in a professional industry.  I don't especially like it but I've been at it for a while because it represented a life-altering opportunity for me and perhaps others in my life. And it's better than a lithium mine.
• Have been FI for a few years now.  Not satisfied with life and trying to decide if RE is the next step.
• I've taken a few sabbaticals.  One thing I learned - I won't be bored in RE.
• Living in a HCOL area with strong motivation to stay due to partner's roots.

One More Year
And it's been another year.  I've run 2 victory laps at my new employer.  And most of the last one really sucked, thanks to a project that made crystal clear why I intend to make radical changes to how I spend the majority time.  So, I put some plans in motion at GigaCorp and started my exit conversations.

And then the world changed. 

Once the pandemic took center stage in the states, I stopped taking steps to leave and my bosses are just sort of pretending we never talked about any of this.  Surprisingly, I survived the first round of pandemic layoffs at GigaCorp.  This was a bit of a disappointment as a severance package would be the closest thing to a silver lining for me personally in all of this pandemic response madness.  Plus someone else would be making the decision for me, absolving me of responsibility for my actions.  Would have been a win-win.  Still, I am grateful for my stability, opportunity, and privilege.  Times are really tough for so many people and I don't make light of that.

Accomplishments

• Increased 'stache by 9.7%.
• Made some minor progress on a hobby project.
• Used vacation time to be close to some important people in my life.
• Did some planning, set some deadlines, and did a test run for the post-RE passion project.  However it's not compatible with global pandemics this this is on ice.
• Hired a therapist. Talked through everything Dr Doom style. It's been insightful but not life altering.

Failures:

• Pretty much the same as last year.  Subsumed by work and lacking discipline in other areas of my life, I have made little progress on personal projects and goals.
• I got sucked into and barely escaped unscathed from a project from hell.
• Otherwise I'm coasting, which I don't consider a failure but my pointy-haired bosses certainly would.

Financial Status
Here are the highlights:

• My 'stache is 25.5x my revised expense plan and 55x my utterly bare minimum expenses.  This is after setting aside about 15% of my NW for some earmarks (partially funding college/parental care, the donar advised fund, some mad money).
• My stache supports my half of basic expenses, my desired / optional spending, and something extra for housing/healthcare increases.
• I'm only comfortably HCOL FI with my partner's support. Partner is FI but plans to keep working and has stable employment. Partner supports my RE plans.
• Renters. Early 40s. No dependents. Aging parents may require financial support in the future.
• Risks to my plan are: partner exchanging me for a tall dark stranger, unexpected sudden health catastrophe, skyrocketing housing costs, skyrocketing healthcare costs.

I don't really like to get into numbers, but I'm well set for a comfortable mustachian lifestyle. I wish I'd thought to buy a house during the GFC because today the cost of everything has gone through the roof.  To be FIRE completely on my own I'd have to move to a more reasonably priced real estate market, where I'd probably choose to buy to avoid being priced out.  Fortunately I have an FI-minded partner so we have more options.

Am I There Yet?
And so here I am.  One year later.  One year older.  Looking off the edge of a slightly higher cliff, and wondering, "I wonder how bad the COVID-19 numbers are down there?"

Prior to the pandemic I was ready to take this next step, and use the new free time to tackle the other life endeavours.  My partner was onboard, even if their income were required to, for example, buy a house.  I told my bosses I was thinking about leaving and the corporate-friendly version of why.  But I stopped short of resigning out of Pandemic-Induced One More Month Syndrome.  I was holding off to see if I'd be laid off.  But I wasn't.

So Mustachians, what do you say?  Does COVID-19 change anything?  Right now I'm in a "wait and see" mode but I'm not sure what it is I'm waiting to see.

[FLBiker]

My situation is pretty different from yours, but similar in the sense that we were facing a life altering decision and then the pandemic hit.

We've been planning to move from the US to Canada for about 2 years.  It's a long process, but we became Canadian Permanent Residents last October, came back to the States to finish the academic year (my wife is a teacher, my daughter was finishing pre-school) then we planned to move in May.  Things were disrupted by the pandemic, obviously.  We cancelled our househunting trip in March, and all of us have been at home since then as well -- DW finished teaching online in the spring and is off for the summer, I'm still working from home.  I'm in international ed, so my job is certainly less secure than it was 6 months ago, but like you I've avoided the initial round of layoffs / furloughs and am project managing several of the "immediate conversion to online" projects so I feel somewhat secure.  For now.

We bought a house in a town we love (having spent 4 hours there in October and stalking it online :) ) in Nova Scotia.  We've only seen the house via FaceTime and close on Thursday.  We leave on Sunday.  Instead of flying (we don't have passports because they expired and the passport office is way backed up), we're doing a combo of a direct domestic flight to NH and a UHaul (we can do a land crossing with our Permanent Resident cards).  I could certainly lose my job in the next few months, but we did well selling our house and have a good sized stash beyond that (not quite at the number I have in my head for FI but not far off).  And some of our stash is in 457s, which are like 401ks except you can access them at any age as soon as you lose your job.

Is it perfect?  No.  Is it the right thing for us to do?  I think so.  We really want DD to start school up there, and we really want to be there.  I am extremely grateful for the fact that living well within our means has given us the ability to make choices that may not always be the most financially safe.  If it means I need to work another year or two, whatever.  If the pandemic has taught me anything, it's that I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen next.

[BikeFanatic]

I am in a similar situation to you, but I am older at 55. I get it you are there but it actually is not easy to take the leap. There is always what if’s.

I hit my number in February and then again this month. I have social security in my back pocket and can claim in ten years or less, and I have a very small pension at 65. Yet my spouse wants to slog on, and this pandemic has me rattled. Like you I was hoping to get furloughed so it would not be my choice but no! I am lucky to still have a job. I have 2 paid off houses, I dislike my job and am so ready. Yet I slog on. You have a retirement plan and possible business but everything is on hold these days why not just continue to work?

I don’t know if I am contributing to the conversation but I do feel having a plan and a goal and these are helping me deal with the indecision.

Number one I can relax some get through the next 3 months at work, get passed  my review, use my vacation time, I can bond more as a farewell to my friends That I leave behind.
Next goal I will have to sell my place in the city, move to my retirement home, get rid of stuff.
Then re arrange my funds for retirement need a but load of cash in case.
Also maybe spend down some medical spending and take care of that.
I realize that you renting takes a lot of that off your plate. And being young you may not care about medical anything. To me it just seems too strange to retire in the middle of a pandemic, no where to travel, no home to fix up, spouse still working.

Actually you could motivate yourself by saving for a down payment on your forever home, you likely will settle down at some point? My wife motivates herself by saving for a hot tub and a European vacation.
Good luck keep us posted.

[SunnyDays]

My choice would be to keep working for now.  Play it by ear as the pandemic continues to unfold - just take it a month at a time.  Unless you're comfortable with huge uncertainty, but if you were, you wouldn't have written this post.  And what would you do with yourself day after day?  Too many options are unavailable right now, so while you might not have been bored during your sabbatical, you might be now.  How long before your partner resents going to work while you sit at home with little to do?

FLBiker, it's great that you're moving up here, but just be aware that your welcome could be a bit, shall we say, cold.  I'm assuming you're coming from Florida, one of the biggest Covid spots right now, and you're going to the Maritimes, which has one of the lowest rates of Covid in Canada.  They have recently created the "Atlantic Bubble," welcoming free movement among those provinces, but not thrilled about having outsiders come in.  I live on the prairies where numbers are also very low, and some people with out of province license plates have been verbally harassed.  So when you do get here, either switch your plates out ASAP or rent a car.  Your experience will be so much more pleasant that way.

[Laura33]

I'm going to start off with the advice I gave two years ago when you posted about this:

So let me say this lovingly and with the best possible intentions:  you were done taking measured and rational approaches to assessing and mitigating the risks to your financial wellbeing when you posted your thread last year.  It has always been OMY syndrome.  Your experience since then has just forced you to acknowledge that OMY doesn't actually solve the problems you think it will, because there is never "enough" money for everything -- and no matter how much you have, you always find more things that you need.

If you want enough to fund nursing homes and college and ACA breakdowns and all that, you need to plan to work for probably another 5-10 years.  Or you can just accept that you can never have 100% safety from bad financial contingencies and quit now, while you still have health and energy to enjoy the money you do have.

You've been consider this for I think three years now, if not more (I got lost in following the links backwards!).  COVID is just the most recent excuse not to do what you've been talking about doing for years; in reality, it changes nothing (other than perhaps bringing home the need to make sure you have reliable health insurance). 

So I think the next step is to ask yourself if you really want to actually FIRE, or if you just like the idea of FIRE, but in reality leaving a "good-enough" job does not provide you a sufficient feeling of security to take the risk.  There's nothing wrong with either option, btw, MMM notwithstanding; you need to live a life that suits you and your partner and no one else. 

If you are willing to take the leap but would rather be laid off, then just do the bare minimum to get by at work so you put yourself on the next layoff list and can get that severance package you want.  Or just hold your nose and jump in and submit your resignation tomorrow.  Otherwise, accept that your repeated refusal to FIRE in the face of many opportunities to do so suggests that FIRE may not be what you actually want to do, and go figure out how to readjust your work life to make it more satisfying.

[RetireAbroadAt35]

I am extremely grateful for the fact that living well within our means has given us the ability to make choices that may not always be the most financially safe.  If it means I need to work another year or two, whatever.  If the pandemic has taught me anything, it's that I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen next.

Me neither, but I think we have to plan for the worst. The groundwork is laid for a lengthy economic disruption and the continuing risk of death or disability from this new disease.  Sucks.  I echo your gratitude to be in a secure position, although  I can only imagine trying to relocate internationally during all of this.

You have a retirement plan and possible business but everything is on hold these days why not just continue to work?

My project idea is definitely going to cost more than it earns.  If it resulted in even a dollar's revenue I'd be surprised since it's more art than business. 

But to your real question "why not just continue to work?"  It's because of the opportunity cost of letting the more important things in life go by.  And the job takes a lot of energy, even when I'm coasting.  I'm taking the fullest advantage I can of COVID as cover to avoid stress at work and I'm still responsible for a ton of shit.

Actually you could motivate yourself by saving for a down payment on your forever home, you likely will settle down at some point?

I'd advise to be careful with this line of thinking.  There's always something you can use to motivate yourself to stay and that can keep you in the rate race for a lifetime.  I could certainly use more for the down payment fund, my car is many years old, those giant 4k TVs are nice, hey why not subscribe to the men's beard care product of the month service for only $99 ... :) 

Good luck keep us posted.

You too! Ultimately we're all in this together.

My choice would be to keep working for now.  Play it by ear as the pandemic continues to unfold - just take it a month at a time.

That's what I'm doing, based on an intuitive fear-driven gut feeling. But I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. 

So far, here are my motivations:

• General concern that my very excellent FIRE plan might not be pandemic-proof, whatever that means.
• If I make it for a couple more months I get another nibble at the carrot (a weird combination of bonus and layoff season).  Maybe I want a hot tub after all?
• I am working, albeit indirectly, in support of the COVID response so I do get to feel like I'm contributing a bit.  That's the most positive thing I can probably say about the job.

These are pretty weak IMO.  I've been in OMM syndrome since March, popping up to re-evaluate, seeing little reason to delay.

How long before your partner resents going to work while you sit at home with little to do?

The pandemic won't leave me bored.  Although the plan does include some serious up-front decompression and recovery from burnout.  After that I expect to be pretty busy in RE.  Even if the shelter-in-place is extended I have a dozen mini-projects I've conceived of and started around the house.

If you are willing to take the leap but would rather be laid off, then just do the bare minimum to get by at work so you put yourself on the next layoff list and can get that severance package you want.

I am honestly shocked that my utter indifference to work and the fact that I told them I was thinking about leaving didn't put me at the top of the layoff list.  Unfortunately my particular niche is suddenly in high demand.  I think there will be another round of layoffs in the fall but I'm losing confidence I'd be included.  I've been thinking about volunteering I'm not sure how to approach that.

[blue_green_sparks]

I had this boss who was always chatting about retiring 15 years ago. I retired 1.5 years ago. Last I heard, he is still there. We had to 'wand in and out' with badges each day. I told him his grand count total would be an odd number.

There was another guy who had 50 plus years. Finally retired, had his cake and then died within the year.

They really helped me to get out.

[FLBiker]

FLBiker, it's great that you're moving up here, but just be aware that your welcome could be a bit, shall we say, cold.  I'm assuming you're coming from Florida, one of the biggest Covid spots right now, and you're going to the Maritimes, which has one of the lowest rates of Covid in Canada.  They have recently created the "Atlantic Bubble," welcoming free movement among those provinces, but not thrilled about having outsiders come in.  I live on the prairies where numbers are also very low, and some people with out of province license plates have been verbally harassed.  So when you do get here, either switch your plates out ASAP or rent a car.  Your experience will be so much more pleasant that way.

Yeah, we're aware of this (and I can't say I blame them).  We're not actually bringing a car with us, so the plates won't be an issue.  And we're going to be very serious about self isolating for those first 14 days -- my wife and daughter have already made a posterboard for our front window announcing as much. :)

[bluebelle]

FLBiker, it's great that you're moving up here, but just be aware that your welcome could be a bit, shall we say, cold.  I'm assuming you're coming from Florida, one of the biggest Covid spots right now, and you're going to the Maritimes, which has one of the lowest rates of Covid in Canada.  They have recently created the "Atlantic Bubble," welcoming free movement among those provinces, but not thrilled about having outsiders come in.  I live on the prairies where numbers are also very low, and some people with out of province license plates have been verbally harassed.  So when you do get here, either switch your plates out ASAP or rent a car.  Your experience will be so much more pleasant that way.

Yeah, we're aware of this (and I can't say I blame them).  We're not actually bringing a car with us, so the plates won't be an issue.  And we're going to be very serious about self isolating for those first 14 days -- my wife and daughter have already made a posterboard for our front window announcing as much. :)

and when you do settle in, you'll find that folks in the maritimes are possibly the nicest people on the planet.   Whenever I've been lucky enough to visit on vacation, I always need to check my driving, coming from Toronto, where we're all rats in a cage and many drive like self entitled assholes.   In the martitimes they have literally stopped traffic to let me out of a driveway.

Truth be told, I find the same behaviour in rural Ontario.   Once the new house is done, we've moving north and looking forward to GTFO of Toronto.   

Welcome to the great white north!

[The Fake Cheap]

FLBiker, it's great that you're moving up here, but just be aware that your welcome could be a bit, shall we say, cold.  I'm assuming you're coming from Florida, one of the biggest Covid spots right now, and you're going to the Maritimes, which has one of the lowest rates of Covid in Canada.  They have recently created the "Atlantic Bubble," welcoming free movement among those provinces, but not thrilled about having outsiders come in.  I live on the prairies where numbers are also very low, and some people with out of province license plates have been verbally harassed.  So when you do get here, either switch your plates out ASAP or rent a car.  Your experience will be so much more pleasant that way.

Yeah, we're aware of this (and I can't say I blame them).  We're not actually bringing a car with us, so the plates won't be an issue.  And we're going to be very serious about self isolating for those first 14 days -- my wife and daughter have already made a posterboard for our front window announcing as much. :)

Just wanted to say welcome to my neck of the woods, we will be neighbours, I'm in NB. 

[SunnyDays]

FLBiker, it's great that you're moving up here, but just be aware that your welcome could be a bit, shall we say, cold.  I'm assuming you're coming from Florida, one of the biggest Covid spots right now, and you're going to the Maritimes, which has one of the lowest rates of Covid in Canada.  They have recently created the "Atlantic Bubble," welcoming free movement among those provinces, but not thrilled about having outsiders come in.  I live on the prairies where numbers are also very low, and some people with out of province license plates have been verbally harassed.  So when you do get here, either switch your plates out ASAP or rent a car.  Your experience will be so much more pleasant that way.

Yeah, we're aware of this (and I can't say I blame them).  We're not actually bringing a car with us, so the plates won't be an issue.  And we're going to be very serious about self isolating for those first 14 days -- my wife and daughter have already made a posterboard for our front window announcing as much. :)

and when you do settle in, you'll find that folks in the maritimes are possibly the nicest people on the planet.   Whenever I've been lucky enough to visit on vacation, I always need to check my driving, coming from Toronto, where we're all rats in a cage and many drive like self entitled assholes.   In the martitimes they have literally stopped traffic to let me out of a driveway.

Truth be told, I find the same behaviour in rural Ontario.   Once the new house is done, we've moving north and looking forward to GTFO of Toronto.   

Welcome to the great white north!

So true.  I have a friend from Toronto that now lives in my small burg, and she once forgot herself and honked at a slow driver.  Every head turned to stare at this rude person.

[Imma]

You say living where you currently are would not be possible without the support of your partner, but that you could remain FIRE'd if you move to a LCOL area. Did you research this option seriously? As in, looked at places where you'd want to live and see what kind of housing you could afford there? Of course some people don't care where they live at all.

If you can afford to FIRE even if you would be on your own, go for it! Maybe wait for the fall layoffs to see if you can get a good deal, then hand in your notice if you're not on the list. You'll have the whole summer to get used to the idea.

[RetireAbroadAt35]

That is quite an entertaining maritime thread hijack.  No need to stop though - I hope FLBiker settles in nicely.

You say living where you currently are would not be possible without the support of your partner, but that you could remain FIRE'd if you move to a LCOL area. Did you research this option seriously? As in, looked at places where you'd want to live and see what kind of housing you could afford there? Of course some people don't care where they live at all.

Not so much research per se, as our plan and intention is to find a way to stay where we are for the forseeable future, but I could pay cash for a home in the place where I grew up.  If a comet were to strike down my partner and the life insurance claim were denied due to a hidden no comets clause, my HCOL risk mitigation would be to go somewhere cheaper.  I know what that entails.

If you can afford to FIRE even if you would be on your own, go for it!

Yes!  I'm sending the resignation email now.

Maybe wait for the fall layoffs to see if you can get a good deal, then hand in your notice if you're not on the list. You'll have the whole summer to get used to the idea.

Well, ok.  Maybe I'll wait.  What's one more month ... :)

[Imma]

That is quite an entertaining maritime thread hijack.  No need to stop though - I hope FLBiker settles in nicely.

You say living where you currently are would not be possible without the support of your partner, but that you could remain FIRE'd if you move to a LCOL area. Did you research this option seriously? As in, looked at places where you'd want to live and see what kind of housing you could afford there? Of course some people don't care where they live at all.

Not so much research per se, as our plan and intention is to find a way to stay where we are for the forseeable future, but I could pay cash for a home in the place where I grew up.  If a comet were to strike down my partner and the life insurance claim were denied due to a hidden no comets clause, my HCOL risk mitigation would be to go somewhere cheaper.  I know what that entails.

If you can afford to FIRE even if you would be on your own, go for it!

Yes!  I'm sending the resignation email now.

Maybe wait for the fall layoffs to see if you can get a good deal, then hand in your notice if you're not on the list. You'll have the whole summer to get used to the idea.

Well, ok.  Maybe I'll wait.  What's one more month ... :)

I would set a date. Something like 'if I haven't been laid off by Thanksgiving I'm going to resign'.  Or resign rightaway if you are braver than me! I like to set firm deadlines but I always need a little bit of time to get used to them. But you've been OMY'ing for a while so this may not be the best option for you. Maybe announce it to a few people so your IRL friends will laugh at you if you don't resign?

[RetireAbroadAt35]

It's not so much that I need a new date as I need to make a decision about whether the pandemic influences my timing.

I can't see any reason that it should.  But I also can't see how deep the economic, health, and civil rights apocalypse we're experiencing will be.

Some options:

• Leave now! Shelter-in-place!
• Leave when this year's meagerer-than-usual bonuses are paid in a couple months.
• Cancel FIRE! Cling desperately to the warm loving embrace of employer-provided healthcare and institutional support.

My colleagues are greatly panicked right now where as I am largely unfazed.  I am grateful for that.

[Imma]

It shouldn't.

Probably this is just a regular economic downturn and it will not last. If this is The End Of The World As We Know It it doesn't matter if you're FI or RE or still working. What you need in that case is a shelter, ammo and canned food. That chance is remote but theoretically there's always the option of a societal collapse. It has happened before and will happen again eventually, just like this big once in a century pandemic.

Lesson from the Black Death: life was better after it than it was before.

[MrThatsDifferent]

After reading these types of posts for several years now I realise that nothing we say will influence you. You’re smart, you can read, you’ve been doing this dance for a while and you haven’t pulled the trigger. All on you. The bigger question is: what are you really expecting from us or by positing this? What insight could possibly emerge now? Do or don’t. It’s your life, your time, your present and your future. If I were to guess, it just feels like you’re not being honest with yourself about something, whether it’s your faith in the relationship with your partner or with how brave you feel without a paycheck or your own identity without a job. Or maybe you just want to humble brag about how good you have it, when so many have lost jobs? I have no idea, I just can’t imagine being the type of person who can make so many good decisions to get themselves to this point, but can’t make the best the decisions for themselves to commit to staying and not complaining or going and enjoying the life you’ve worked for? What would your life be like if you lived it without fear? (And let’s be clear, it’s only fear of something, that’s holding you back.)

[RetireAbroadAt35]

After reading these types of posts for several years now I realise that nothing we say will influence you.

Don't sell the mustachians short. This community has been hugely influential for me.

what are you really expecting from us or by positing this?

Discussion and perspective from others working on answering these questions for themselves.

Probably this is just a regular economic downturn and it will not last.

From what I can tell by watching smartypants economic forecasters, there are a lot of scenarios, some assuming things get better sooner and others modeling assumptions like extended unemployment and so forth.  It seems like the conditions are being laid for the more dire scenarios.  What does that mean?  Hard to say but ...

If this is The End Of The World As We Know It it doesn't matter if you're FI or RE or still working. What you need in that case is a shelter, ammo and canned food. That chance is remote but theoretically there's always the option of a societal collapse. It has happened before and will happen again eventually, just like this big once in a century pandemic.

On that we definitely agree.  I doubt the end of the world is upon us and even if it were, a 'stache would be useless.

[BicycleB]

...I need to make a decision about whether the pandemic influences my timing.

I can't see any reason that it should.  But I also can't see how deep the economic, health, and civil rights apocalypse we're experiencing will be...

This crisis has unique features. But nearly every crisis has unique features, so in the long run it's not that special in the Crisis Club. If your plan is ready, this crisis changes little.

If anything, the features here suggest quitting. Death can strike you sooner than normal, you should do The Thing You Want.

[Rosy]

One morbid but sometimes helpful suggestion is to ask yourself

What will your obituary say? - Will it reflect that you always intended to .....?

Like Laura, I too have read your posts the past couple of years and each time I think to myself,
"You have feathered and re-feathered and strengthened your nest yet you are still afraid to fly".

You have made the same decision year after year - OMY. What if you caught COVID tomorrow and died two weeks later?
Then all bets would be off ....
I'm really good at the what if's I could go on ad nauseum probably better than you since I am older and have experienced some turbulent times not to mention I have an active imagination.
What if your partner caught COVID tomorrow and died two weeks later?

The key point missing here is that life isn't just about financial blows,
it is the deeply personal, emotional blows that tend to draw us under water.

If it is enhanced financial stability you want at all costs then stay at your job during the pandemic as long as you can, it may well prove to be the most prudent choice.
We do live in uncertain, interesting times - but - what does that have to do with you retiring?
Everything and nothing - it all depends on your perspective.

Life is too short - putting your life on hold is rarely a good idea, it breeds dissatisfaction and keeps you from being the best you can be.
Life is change itself, natural changes with unexpected surprises, regardless whether COVID comes calling or not.

There is the old story of Johnny Appleseed who was asked what he would do if he knew that he would die tomorrow?
He said, "I'd plant more apple trees".

I've always interpreted this to mean that you should take primarily those actions that satisfy your core being.
If that means making art for art's sake and never working again - so be it. Who knows what wonderful things may happen if we only had the courage to let them happen.
There is no predicting life. In fact, there is something to be said for taking action and consequences be damned especially since you have already done your due diligence time and again:).

I would say there is no wrong choice here but then again,
I do know that fear of consequences and denial of -specific to us- inner insecurities can keep us from doing what we know is the right path for us.
... or you might simply acknowledge that FI is great, but early RE is not for you.
 

[RetireAbroadAt35]

If anything, the features here suggest quitting. Death can strike you sooner than normal, you should do The Thing You Want.

I agree with @Laura33 , but this also reminds me of myself when I was younger, and didn't value time the same way that one does after losing people whom they love, and chances to make more of those memories that will always last. 

Now, I value my time more than anything, and time with loved ones the most.

One morbid but sometimes helpful suggestion is to ask yourself

What will your obituary say? - Will it reflect that you always intended to .....?

 
Good clear reminders of the fundamental driver behind everything I'm trying to do.  Thank you.

So, my suggestion is what I think will bring you clarity and help you get what you're after: find out what's next.  It's a lot easier to jump to something you want than into the unknown--whether that something is another job, time with a spouse, or into politics or some other hobby.

There's some truth to this.  6 months ago I had a plan but COVID has ground that to a halt. It is completely impossible today and I don't expect it would be feasible for about 2 years.  This is obviously a huge disappointment and it's left a gap in my vision for the near future, but it's not really driving my decision right now. 

I'm pretty sure I'll be comfortable using my time with up-front decompression, planning for that future project (or figuring out a new one), and developing some skills / hobbies.

It's certainly affecting my mood though.

For now, you seem to see FIRE as this amorphous thing, which may or may not hold what you are seeking.  So find out what you're after--what drives you, gives you purpose?  What were you made to do?  What brings you joy/fulfillment when you do it for others?

I'm being intentionally vague here, but I've got a handle on this.  I've even made a 5/10/15/20 year plan with life goals.  On a side note, one of the interesting results of that exercise was realizing that if I am long-lived and I stay healthy, I could still get a ton of shit done. That was an inspiring moment.

rather than focusing on whether or not to continue doing something that you know you don't like, when there's nothing forcing you to do it. 

Good point.  This is something I struggled with early on (a la protestant work ethic) but I am fully confident that I am making my own decisions here and am fully in control.  Thanks for the book recommendation.

Like Laura, I too have read your posts the past couple of years and each time I think to myself,
"You have feathered and re-feathered and strengthened your nest yet you are still afraid to fly".

I really appreciate the concern and the emotional component of this, something most of us don't pay enough attention to.  More so than usual I'm doing a great deal of introspection in this regard. 

But I like to be rational (or at least come up with good rational-sounding justifications), so I'm standing here asking myself two questions:

• Have I really covered everything? Have I gotten all the "value" I'm going to get out of full-time work?
• Does my plan really factor in the unprecedented shit show of poor governance and crisis we're facing?

I think we do need to be careful that we don't find ourselves in too much of a FIRE/MMM echo chamber.  These are not well-trodden paths.  In my case I manage risk of the unknown through a great deal of planning and experimenting. In this case I experimented with job changes, industry changes, sabbaticals, nomadism, settling in different locations, etc. This wasn't chasing some unknown. I was drinking deep from as many ways of living as I could (while growing a 'stache) before making the decision to leave traditional employment behind.

It is true that I am looking at the decision to RE as irrevocable. Maybe I need to back off on that a little but the ageism endemic to my industry, the unemployment situation, and the local markets for my niche suggest I may well not be able to rejoin the workforce once I'm out for a year or so. That notion is driving a lot of my "due diligence".

The key point missing here is that life isn't just about financial blows, it is the deeply personal, emotional blows that tend to draw us under water.

Ooof, this is so true.  I focused on the financial stability more than emotional fulfillment for most of the journey to date.

Here's an interesting thought/exercise.  I've been focused on the rational/logical aspects of making decisions in my FIRE journey so far. What if I were to make a decision just based on my reaction to the most visceral fears I can conjure?

When I think about it like that, I should be writing the resignation email right now, and calling everyone I care about to spend some virtual time together.