Author Topic: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?  (Read 15225 times)

tooqk4u22

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Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« on: August 02, 2012, 01:16:04 PM »
As being discussed in various threads, focusing on FIRE, whether it be by being significanlty frugal or simply spending less than you make, puts many of us in awkard social or family dicussions/situations. 

More often than not people assume my family is hard up because we don't spend as much on material things, haven't taken a lavish vacation this year, work on the house myself, etc.  And I can definitely do better on the frugal side so not as extreme as some on this board but far more frugal than most people. 

I am ok with people thinking I am broke, it makes it easier than constantly saying "no I don't want to spend my money on that."  Plus I will never get the call from someone asking me for money.  But people don't see the details that give away the secret that I am not broke because they focus on the lack of spending. 

I don't tell people what I make, what I have, or what my goal is.  It just leads to issues.  Although at this point, my closest family and friends are on to me - they don't know specifics but I think they know that we have more income/wealth than most (not that that is difficult standard as the average person doesn't have anythin) and a starting think I am just cheap instead of broke.  That's ok too.

Anyway how much do you tell people and has it lead to issues?
 

jpo

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2012, 01:24:59 PM »
I am fairly open with my co-workers and family, but then again I only have a baby 'stache. My parents probably know the most. They are semi-frugal and have been responsible with their finances their whole lives, so I'm not worried at all about them asking for money.

I don't share concrete amounts that I have saved, but it wouldn't be too hard to ballpark.

kisserofsinners

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2012, 01:43:06 PM »
I'm honest and avoid evangelizing. Most of our friends know what's up with our house and are super supportive.

My wife and i have made some deliberate choices to support our social life. I get that these aren't the hard core Mustachian tactics encouraged here, but we're very social critters and cutting social time too much wobbles into reducing what really makes us happy.

In the hosting of events, we still use paper towels, or have them available when people ask for them. I don't want to look like a dirty hippy and i don't want people thinking i'm judging them. This might only actually be a problem in my head. :)
We put aside a small amount for eating out with friends for special occasions. This actually happens much less often than i originally assumed.
We still do stuff, just less than before and more at our house, instead of bars/clubs/outdoors.
We still go out, camping and dancing. We bring a flask and are not buying a new outfit/costume or bit of gear. We are finding joy in clothing swaps and borrowing gear. The bay area is really great for these things to support a broke ass, artist population with high "needs".
I'm inspired to make more.

I actually find that we can still do a lot and there's no need to make a political statement about anything. I'm finding that more people are interested in skill/knowledge sharing than any sort of, "hey dude, can i borrow..." or "Dude, Dude!!! You gotta get in on ...!" Even if they did, i'm pretty confidant in my ability to tell them were to stick it.

It's about choosing who to bring in and who to remain unattached to. I spend my time with people who really care about me and we don't often hang out talking about the cool new things we bought. It's more likely talking about how we are doing and what we're up to.

Even further, there are ways to respond that don't make it a big deal. ...It's actually not all that big of a deal. It's really boring. "I read a lot these days and am studying up to do our best with the house situation." Seems to be an adequate update for most people. They seem remarkably considerate of things, always asking what they can bring to anything from first dates (this maybe confusing with the wife talk, but we're open) to pot lucks and game nights. No one comes to our door empty handed, but not as our policy. It just ended up like that naturally. :)

carolinakaren

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2012, 02:06:11 PM »
John and I talk about these things amongst ourselves, and my parents know that I am striving to reach FIRE.  My Mom is also my accountant, but her and my dad are the only people who know my salary.   I had one close friend who was one the same page.. frugal lifestyle, wanted to work less/retire early, etc.  Unfortunately she passed away a few months ago.  She and I used to share alot with each other and discuss new ideas in much the same way we do here in MMM land.  We hadn't even heard of MMM yet.  We did clothing swaps along with a few other girls to keep our wardrobes fresh instead of shopping and shared gardens.  I haven't spoken about savings or salaries to anyone else.  Some of the neighbors notice that I only work part-time.  They, along with my co-workers ask about that sometimes.....I think people wonder how a person could manage on a part-time income.  I'm sure my colleagues think I'm practically homeless!  This one woman that I work with seems to understand completely....I don't need to make as much money because I don't like to shop, buy expensive cars, and don't want a big house.  I have never mentioned that I want to retire early to my co-workers.  They are all much older and busy complaining about how they can't afford to retire....I don't think it would sit well!

tooqk4u22

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2012, 02:42:52 PM »
Unfortunately she passed away a few months ago. 

Sorry to hear that, and there in lies the best motivation for reducing the working part of your life, but not at the expense of living, so that you can have more time to spend with those dearest to you and help a few others too.

CptMrPants

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2012, 03:23:45 PM »
Sorry to hear of the loss of your confidant.

It's good to find someone who is ambitious in these ways as you (we) are. 
My good friend moved to Texas, and he noted while we were hanging out a couple weekends ago, that he has friends down there, but they all seem content with what's going on and missed having someone to talk about Mustachian ideas (though he wouldn't call them that).

There is an interesting rub there, that has been brought up in other threads as well-

friends, family, public perception and Mustachianism....it's can be a low-grade minefield.


*Edit for misspelling
« Last Edit: August 02, 2012, 03:45:47 PM by CptMrPants »

kisserofsinners

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2012, 03:31:14 PM »

friends, family, public perception and Mustacianism....it's can be a low-grade minefield.


Wise words indeed.

Perpetual_Student

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2012, 04:23:21 PM »
Everyone I know figures that we are stone-cold broke, you know, with the musician-student lifestyle and all.

Most of my friends and family don't seem to realize what that means, though, and frequently encourage us to spend money on going out, etc.  I hate sounding like a cheapass when I tell them we can't afford to and suggest cheaper alternatives.  I had a cheap (CHEAP, not frugal) roommate in college who would ask us to buy things for her and never thank us or repay us monetarily or through any other means.  She alienated others through taking advantage of us and always moaned about how broke she was...however, she was happy to spend on herself.  I use her as an example of how NOT to behave when you are aiming for frugality.

Anyway, I don't see much harm in others knowing our financial ballpark and goals.  Although this society finds it rude to talk about money, many others do not, and I'm in favor of openness.  Besides, how can others help with suggestions or encouragement if they do not know your goals?

It also helps my friends understand that I'm not a killjoy when I can't come out to party.  I'm just broke as a joke.

sol

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2012, 10:51:52 PM »
I'm completely open about it.  Everyone I work with knows how much we make, because it's public knowledge.  All of our friends know that we spend less than half of what we earn, and intend to retire early.  I've even mentioned it to coworkers, who seem skeptical it is possible.

gooki

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2012, 02:06:12 AM »
Our family know we're debt free, my mom was pleasently surprised especially considering the cost of housing had increased exponentially in the 30 years they'd lived here.

My closest co worker knows of my plans for FI and he's cool with it even though he lives a completely different lifestyle.

Our friends don't know of my FI pans, I suspect most of them assume we still have a mortgage, and mortgage + one income (my field of work isn't high paying) + one child with another on the way equals not saving a lot in their mind (where as the reality is a 50 percent savings rate).

I nearly bought it up at a dinner party the other day as I suspect the couple hosting it are going to do the full Mr MM thing (retire then have kids). They're both in higher paying jobs, they've kept a modest house even though they built and sold a larger one, they have rental investments in the USA and own property in a quiet town (where I suspect they'll build a modest family home) and they are overall money smart. She also dropped hints about not having to work, and when I brought up work is over rated they both nodded in agreement.

So Id be happy talking about it with them and to be honest I'd also be happy talking about it with the rest of my friends as none are big spenders, and are mostly focused on quality of life over material things.

TLV

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2012, 11:31:10 AM »
We're currently hiding behind the excuse of "saving up for a house" - which is actually true, though not the whole truth, and it's something that our friends and family can understand.

I suspect that when we reach FI I'll have to put up an image of still working (perhaps free-lancing or being self-employed). Otherwise, we'll have relatives asking for money on one hand, and trying to buy toys/stuff for our daughter on the other because they think we're depriving her (possible even the same relatives doing both).

kisserofsinners

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2012, 12:08:22 PM »
We're currently hiding behind the excuse of "saving up for a house" - which is actually true, though not the whole truth, and it's something that our friends and family can understand.

I suspect that when we reach FI I'll have to put up an image of still working (perhaps free-lancing or being self-employed). Otherwise, we'll have relatives asking for money on one hand, and trying to buy toys/stuff for our daughter on the other because they think we're depriving her (possible even the same relatives doing both).

Holy crab i didn't even think of how it would effect my kid's relationship to my parents...Thanks for that.

smedleyb

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2012, 01:26:25 PM »
The problem with exchanging mustachian ideas with non-mustachians is that you invariably end up -- even if your heart and mind are in the right place -- engaging in a full frontal assault on their lifestyle, their financial choices, in short, their very definition of what constitutes the meaning of life.

Some are receptive; most will think you're attacking them.  CaptMrPants' analogy of a "low grade mine-field" is spot on.

(ps, sorry for your loss carolina; that absolutely sucks).   

mechanic baird

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2012, 03:46:30 PM »
We don't talk about finances among our friends... People can only judge based on what we have... when we bought our first house together about 5 years ago, it didn't even have walls in bedrooms and no plumbing and electrical is all torn... We did the work ourselves..

We also drove beat up cars. My better half drove a 1999 Ford focus that didn't have power window. so you can imagine while we stopped to say hi to a friend, we gotta work that muscle to roll down the window..

After awhile, our friends just assume we were broke for whatever the reason since we both have good jobs on paper.. they would kindly offer to go to cheaper restaurants to be considerate to us, which is totally fine by us..

fidgiegirl

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2012, 08:49:23 PM »
I talk about it too much.  It gets me in trouble.  And it hurts when people refer to me as "cheap," no matter how good-natured.  I firmly believe all jokes have a kernel of perceived truth behind them.  It makes me sad because they don't see the whole picture, don't see that they could get out from under the yoke of debt, too, and they don't know that I give money to organizations, host parties, etc.  But I am happy with my choices and if they are not, well, whatever, it's not their money.  They make me equally as crazy when they start whining about not having enough when there are glaring, GLARING ways they could easily cut back and feel NO PAIN.

So yeah, I get the appeal of keeping one's mouth shut.

However, I talk about it a lot with a set of girlfriends who are all similarly-minded.  And we learn from each other.  Once in a very dark while there will be an opening of light to make a mention to a coworker or less close friend.  Mainly I speak from the POV that YMOYL and Dave Ramsey changed my life, and I do so enthusiastically.  But it's not too often that the opportunity arises - the right moment.  I wish I could shout it from the rooftops!!

I do worry about the 'rents someday not having money and needing help.  But that day's not here yet, so I try not to worry too much.  Won't help it anyway.  Luckily no one else in my family is into asking for money from each other, at least up until now.

pca

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2012, 12:51:26 AM »
I give out baked goods as gifts each year. If they think I'm cheap, they haven't said anything - maybe that just means I'm a good baker. (And baked goods are one of my favorite gifts to receive, so I'm not a hypocrite!)

I've only shared my ER plans and personal finances with my wife, so it's not awkward around the rest of our family...yet. But if I actually pull this off and reach ER in the next five years or so, it's going to get really weird. How can I my throw a retirement party for myself while my MIL is still working? Part of me thinks the best thing to do is say I've left my job and I'm "looking for new opportunities" and just leave it at that.

Anyways, it's a good problem to have.

mm1970

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2012, 10:51:42 PM »
I almost never talk about it unless people make a comment.  Some people think we are rolling in it, and we are compared to most.  But our house is worth 250 k less than we paid for it so we have no equity.  We get sympathy for that.

HeidiO

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2012, 02:07:38 AM »
I'm pretty open.  My co-workers and I all make very similar salaries, so we all know what we each make.  I probably talk too much about stuff, but it hasn't ever felt like a problem.  Also, in my family we all know what each other makes.   And we ask each other how we are doing financially when we talk on the phone. Right after asking about each other's health/job/social activities.  I guess it's just a family culture thing. 
Heidi

tooqk4u22

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2012, 08:03:14 AM »
Some of you have eluded to being in jobs with known pay scales, which generally means government jobs, but I suspect that if everyone knows the incomes and/or that the incomes are generally the same then it becomes a bit easier to discuss because you can pinpoint the differences in choices/lifestyles more easily.

smalllife

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2012, 09:16:23 AM »
I don't make a lot so there's no "hiding" haha.   The numbers some of you throw around seem unimaginably high - like saving double my salary and it's "only" a 50% savings rate.  Right now I'm on track to retire at 55 . . . but I intend to avoid lifestyle creep and throw any raises towards FI.  With a bit of luck and a lot of hard work I think I can turn that age into 40 or 45 but it's going to take me 20 to 25 years to get there.

DocCyane

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #20 on: August 06, 2012, 10:23:50 PM »
I've generally found its not in my best interest to tell anyone about my finances or my goals. People have been downright nasty in response, as if I'm judging their choices.

Unless you find someone of like mind, a conversation about frugality is as welcome as a root canal.

sol

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #21 on: August 06, 2012, 11:25:29 PM »
I've generally found its not in my best interest to tell anyone about my finances or my goals. People have been downright nasty in response, as if I'm judging their choices.

Unless you find someone of like mind, a conversation about frugality is as welcome as a root canal.

I haven't had a single negative response, but it's not like I bring it up every day.

For example I recently switched to a prepaid phone and cut my bill in half for the exact same service, so whenever someone asks me about my phone (more often than you might think) I mention it.  Some folks are jealous they're still stuck on contract and so might actually switch when they can, and others see ovespending on their fancy phone as a mark of pride, but nobody has been nasty to me for saving money.

Maybe then pacific northwest is just a little more laid back about conspicuous consumption than other parts of the country.  Maybe just my peer group is.

igthebold

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #22 on: August 07, 2012, 06:55:20 AM »
Maybe then pacific northwest is just a little more laid back about conspicuous consumption than other parts of the country.  Maybe just my peer group is.

I think this is the key. A lot depends on the people you hang out with. I'm not going to say to ditch one's friends in favor of making FI easier, but it does seem like life becomes easier when you get support from your peer group.

Of course, there are many contrarians among us, but I definitely find it easier when I have someone I can share with and discuss things on a more personal level.

galaxie

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #23 on: August 07, 2012, 08:34:41 AM »
I mentioned the idea to my parents once -- they seemed convinced I would be destined for a lifetime of poverty if I tried to retire early.  This, even though it was in the middle of a conversation about refinancing our house to a 15-year mortgage from the original 30-year so it would be paid off sooner.  What did they think we were going to do after the house is paid off?  Just keep piling up money for no reason?

I once half-joked about retiring at 45 to a sometimes-colleague at work -- he asked if I was independently wealthy.  We're almost all engineers with Ph.D.s... if we're not independently wealthy already, we can be after several years on the job.  I am often shocked by people who I know make more than me who complain about not being able to retire.  On the other hand, most people here who have taken proper advantage of the retirement matching and worked here for ~15 years have HUGE 401ks.  Why they don't retire already is beyond me.

Our friends are into DIY, which is definitely aligned with our goals... some of the projects end up costing more than they save, though.  It's a learning process.  Many work for startups, a couple have their own company.  A lot of them want to live cheaply so they can work less, or work intermittently.  Some are still in grad school.  They are tech nerds and sometimes do things like hack their smart phones to use VOIP whenever there's a wireless network.  They probably think we make tons of money but plough it all into paying off the house, because they know houses here are expensive.  That's basically true.

I have one friend who feels like she'll never be able to buy a place for herself because she doesn't make enough money.  She has the same job as me.  I sometimes try to convince her that she could do it, but I don't want to tell her to reexamine her spending because that would be judgey.  Recently she's been doing a healthy eating thing, and wants to go out for drinks less.  Maybe she will also notice that it's cheaper.  I'm trying to encourage it.

JohnGalt

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2012, 04:40:00 PM »
I've mostly given up on talking about it with friends... Not one that I've brought it up to has been very interested - and most either don't believe me that it's possible or say something like "well you better not get married - no wife would go for that"

I talk to my Father about it on and off - but I think the only reason we're able to talk about it is because he's realized that they aren't where they should be for him to retire at normal retirement ages - so he's trying to figure out how to get there in a short amount of time too.  They still don't want to talk about cutting back their spending much.

Having just started dating again after ending things with someone who was on board with the theory (though never wanted to talk details) - I'm struggling with how to bring it up in the dating arena.  On the one hand it's important to me to find someone who will be on the same page as me, on the other, I don't feel comfortable bringing up financial stuff early on. 

sol

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2012, 05:40:23 PM »
I'm struggling with how to bring it up in the dating arena.  On the one hand it's important to me to find someone who will be on the same page as me, on the other, I don't feel comfortable bringing up financial stuff early on.

I think this would be an easy topic to broach, without it seeming like you're interrogating her financial literacy. 

You can talk about what you would both do if you had a million dollars, as a means for discovering your lifelong goals and passions.  You can talk about what you value in life, and whether or not you each really love your current jobs or would prefer to do something else if money were not object.  From there it's a small step on date three to mention that you're serious about doing the stuff you've been talking about, by retiring early with an enormous pile of money. 

What's not to love?  If she's the kind of person who would prefer to stay home in your five bedroom house and plan your annual Caribbean cruise vacation while you slave away in a cubicle to support her, it would be easy for me to transition into "this isn't really working out the way I had hoped."

JohnGalt

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #26 on: August 07, 2012, 05:56:01 PM »
I'm struggling with how to bring it up in the dating arena.  On the one hand it's important to me to find someone who will be on the same page as me, on the other, I don't feel comfortable bringing up financial stuff early on.

I think this would be an easy topic to broach, without it seeming like you're interrogating her financial literacy. 

You can talk about what you would both do if you had a million dollars, as a means for discovering your lifelong goals and passions.  You can talk about what you value in life, and whether or not you each really love your current jobs or would prefer to do something else if money were not object.  From there it's a small step on date three to mention that you're serious about doing the stuff you've been talking about, by retiring early with an enormous pile of money. 

What's not to love?  If she's the kind of person who would prefer to stay home in your five bedroom house and plan your annual Caribbean cruise vacation while you slave away in a cubicle to support her, it would be easy for me to transition into "this isn't really working out the way I had hoped."

That's probably the best way to go at it... I think part of my problem is that I'm 27 and mostly dating at the 23-25 age range, so often she is either still working on a graduate or masters degree or just recently graduated and is at a very different place financially and career-wise that I am.  When I talk to my friends who are at that same stage in life - I get the feeling they think I'm just bragging about how much money I make - so I've just gotten into the habit of not talking about it.  I probably just need to find more friends/dates that are true peers from an age and life-stage perspective. 

sol

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #27 on: August 07, 2012, 06:02:59 PM »
I think part of my problem is that I'm 27 and mostly dating at the 23-25 age range, so often she is either still working on a graduate or masters degree or just recently graduated

Speaking as a man who was in grad school until 30, I feel your pain.  Most people at that stage of life don't have the foresight to be planning how to allocate a future income they don't yet see.

Instead, with that crowd you might consider focusing on why their current frugal lifestyle isn't that bad, and how limiting future lifestyle inflation after getting a real job can really put you ahead of the retirement and finances game.  If you can get her past that first year or two of her first job without buying a new car and a house or going wild with other spending, the stage is set for the MMM message.

mm1970

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #28 on: August 07, 2012, 06:17:20 PM »
I once half-joked about retiring at 45 to a sometimes-colleague at work -- he asked if I was independently wealthy.  We're almost all engineers with Ph.D.s... if we're not independently wealthy already, we can be after several years on the job.  I am often shocked by people who I know make more than me who complain about not being able to retire.  On the other hand, most people here who have taken proper advantage of the retirement matching and worked here for ~15 years have HUGE 401ks.  Why they don't retire already is beyond me.

Our friends are into DIY, which is definitely aligned with our goals... some of the projects end up costing more than they save, though.  It's a learning process.  Many work for startups, a couple have their own company.  A lot of them want to live cheaply so they can work less, or work intermittently.  Some are still in grad school.  They are tech nerds and sometimes do things like hack their smart phones to use VOIP whenever there's a wireless network.  They probably think we make tons of money but plough it all into paying off the house, because they know houses here are expensive.  That's basically true.

I have one friend who feels like she'll never be able to buy a place for herself because she doesn't make enough money.  She has the same job as me.  I sometimes try to convince her that she could do it, but I don't want to tell her to reexamine her spending because that would be judgey.  Recently she's been doing a healthy eating thing, and wants to go out for drinks less.  Maybe she will also notice that it's cheaper.  I'm trying to encourage it.
Yeah, my a hubby is an engineer with a PhD. The key there is to continue to live the grad student lifestyle for awhile, as long as possible.

MooreBonds

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #29 on: August 07, 2012, 07:00:42 PM »
I keep the discussions limited to my internet friends on MMM and the Early-Retirement.org forum.

Even my parents probably wouldn't understand! (my mom might, but my dad wears the pants in the family, and calls the shots). Dad is 71, more than enough money to even keep track of, and still works part-time at the family business to suck up as much additional money as possible...but if I were to tell him I have "enough" (a mere fraction of his) and don't need to work, part of me fears he would probably think deep down that I'm just waiting for him and mom to keel over to get my share of the inheritance. He knows that my fiscal attitudes (live far below your means) are close to his, and that my 2 sisters and brother are various levels of spendthrifts - but I'm still not going to risk mentioning the concept of ER.

I haven't even mentioned my NW to him, although I might get around to it someday (it's more than he likely suspects).

Siblings? Not a chance - in addition to being somewhat spendthrifts, they'd run and tell dad, and likely spin it into some form of "he's just lazy and waiting to get his hands on your money".

Friends in real life? I've tried touching on a few money topics when they bring it up....but whether it's ER or trying to explain why that "some sort of guaranteed annuity thing" their financial salesperson sold them isn't any good, it's the same result: glassy eyes for a second, before quickly wanting to change the subject and not even wanting to talk about it.

Co-workers? Just as with the general population, mine are no different in their spendthrift ways. One of them thought aloud one day (when recalling a story about a neighbor when he was younger), and seriously suggested that the key to accumulating wealth was 'never throwing anything away, because this neighbor never threw anything away and had tons of money'. Yes, he was 100% serious in his theory. After finishing his story, he promptly went out for his daily lunch at some restaurant.

smalllife

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2012, 09:32:00 PM »
I think part of my problem is that I'm 27 and mostly dating at the 23-25 age range, so often she is either still working on a graduate or masters degree or just recently graduated and is at a very different place financially and career-wise that I am.  When I talk to my friends who are at that same stage in life - I get the feeling they think I'm just bragging about how much money I make - so I've just gotten into the habit of not talking about it.  I probably just need to find more friends/dates that are true peers from an age and life-stage perspective.

Different place financially and career-wise is completely different than being different from a life-stage perspective.  Don't discount financial maturity based on age alone.  I say that as someone who finds almost all of the 23-25 year old men immature but who is overlooked by guys your age because I'm 23-25 and a recent graduate.

JohnGalt

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2012, 09:55:16 PM »
I think part of my problem is that I'm 27 and mostly dating at the 23-25 age range, so often she is either still working on a graduate or masters degree or just recently graduated and is at a very different place financially and career-wise that I am.  When I talk to my friends who are at that same stage in life - I get the feeling they think I'm just bragging about how much money I make - so I've just gotten into the habit of not talking about it.  I probably just need to find more friends/dates that are true peers from an age and life-stage perspective.

Different place financially and career-wise is completely different than being different from a life-stage perspective.  Don't discount financial maturity based on age alone.  I say that as someone who finds almost all of the 23-25 year old men immature but who is overlooked by guys your age because I'm 23-25 and a recent graduate.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not avoiding that age range and/or recent graduates.  I'm just finding that most of the people I know (men and women alike) at that point do not want to think/talk about retirement finances except maybe as some abstract event that happens way in the future.  They just recently started earning post college money that they can now spend and their job is still new and exciting.  I know that's the exact frame of mind I was from 23-25.  At 26 I started getting restless so I changed jobs.  When I started getting restless a year into the new job, I started digging deeper and, eventually, found ERE/MMM and it clicked.  Life-stage was probably a poor choice of words on my part - but I do believe that, for most, there is a huge difference between the first few few years after college and the next few. 

JohnGalt

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2012, 10:04:00 PM »
I say that as someone who finds almost all of the 23-25 year old men immature but who is overlooked by guys your age because I'm 23-25 and a recent graduate.

Oh yeah, almost forgot... you don't happen to be anywhere near Dallas, do you?  ;)

arebelspy

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2012, 10:16:20 PM »
I share our ER plans with pretty much everyone I know, and, like Sol, have gotten very little negative feedback.  Mostly curiosity and interest, a little skepticism that they could do the same thing.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

smalllife

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #34 on: August 08, 2012, 07:43:42 AM »
I say that as someone who finds almost all of the 23-25 year old men immature but who is overlooked by guys your age because I'm 23-25 and a recent graduate.

Oh yeah, almost forgot... you don't happen to be anywhere near Dallas, do you?  ;)

Haha nope, many hundreds of miles away . . . .

NestEggChick (formerly PFgal)

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #35 on: August 08, 2012, 07:49:59 PM »
I say that as someone who finds almost all of the 23-25 year old men immature but who is overlooked by guys your age because I'm 23-25 and a recent graduate.

Oh yeah, almost forgot... you don't happen to be anywhere near Dallas, do you?  ;)

Haha nope, many hundreds of miles away . . . .

I keep hearing this over and over on the forum and in blog post comments.  I think we need a category for single Mustachians.  It would be a great way to exchange dating tips and, if two Mustachians should happen to realize they live in the same area and choose to meet.....
Anyone know how we could get singles category (not just a thread)?

NestEggChick (formerly PFgal)

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #36 on: August 08, 2012, 07:53:02 PM »
D'oh!  I forgot to click the box to get notified of replies (I wish it was the default option) so ignore this, I'm just clicking that box now :)

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Re: Am I Poor - how much do you tell friends and family?
« Reply #37 on: August 11, 2012, 12:10:32 AM »
My two best friends know about my plan, my immediate family and my girlfriends family. Most are skeptical but interested in what we do. My family has known since I was 10, had my first job, and figured out that working for an hourly wage meant you would never get rich that I wanted both money and freedom.

This is just the natural manifestation of that 10 year old in an adults body with the ability to grow facial hair. They are all supportive and wish they had thought of this themselves.