Author Topic: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?  (Read 16007 times)

avrex

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #50 on: July 17, 2015, 10:34:09 PM »

Villanelle

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #51 on: July 18, 2015, 08:04:19 AM »
Certainly not obligated. 

If I thought my friends would be truly jealous or resentful, they wouldn't be my friends.  But I also don't think it is polite to preach at my friends, no matter the subject.  If small things come up, I happily mention them.  And I don't/won't hide the fact that we expect to be in a position where we could both stop working when DH leaves the military (though right now, that's not the plan).  But those are things about me and my life, not about suggestions to friends.  "I don't have cable and don't miss it, and it saves $100 a month," (I have no idea how much able actually costs!) is very different than "Canceling cable can save you $100/mo!"  "Dh and I are eating out less and cooking more.  All a part of our plan to be able to retire while we are young enough to enjoy it!" is not the same as, "eating wastes a lot of money and doing it less can save you a lot and will contribute to your ability to retire."

mandy_2002

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #52 on: July 19, 2015, 10:59:10 AM »
One of my friends (a person so non-muchtachian that I avoid money conversations with her) was recently talking about how she probably only has 20 good years left, and she's spending them working. I said something like that's my reason for saving so much and alluded to the shockingly simple math. This led to her along more questions, and am afternoon of opening a brokerage and fully funding a Roth IRA for the first time. She had a penchant for expensive dresses (even if they don't fit), so we'll see if any of this changes her life in the coming months.

Exhale

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #53 on: July 19, 2015, 09:40:35 PM »
I've only told a couple close friends and they were negative about it. They simply don't believe the math. Also, they think my current life is impoverished for being frugal (using library vs. bookstore, cooking at home vs. eating out, hiking locally vs. traveling out of town/country, etc.) and that there's no way I'd be happy with this simple frugal life as I age. Interestingly, they can see I'm happier and healthier than ever before, but they don't (yet) believe the connection to why I'm now this way (in spite of being told). I just keep on doing what I'm doing and let them think what they think. Thank goodness for this forum providing company of like minded folks!

fb132

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #54 on: July 20, 2015, 05:44:41 AM »
I've only told a couple close friends and they were negative about it. They simply don't believe the math. Also, they think my current life is impoverished for being frugal (using library vs. bookstore, cooking at home vs. eating out, hiking locally vs. traveling out of town/country, etc.) and that there's no way I'd be happy with this simple frugal life as I age. Interestingly, they can see I'm happier and healthier than ever before, but they don't (yet) believe the connection to why I'm now this way (in spite of being told). I just keep on doing what I'm doing and let them think what they think. Thank goodness for this forum providing company of like minded folks!
There are days I do wish that it would spread beyond this forum, but I suppose it is better to have this forum than nothing at all. The everyday people I come in contact with are all the same, if you don't spend, your viewed as cheap or someone who is not taking advantage of his/her life. Oh I can't wait to be FI, so I can prove the doubters how wrong they were and hopefully by then it will encourage more people to escape the rat wheel. Still another 10-15 years to go before that happens.

MidWestLove

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #55 on: July 20, 2015, 05:53:16 AM »
In Russian we say -кому я должен, я всем прощаю ;) which roughly means -"if I owe anything to anyone (thing, action, obligation), I will surely forgive it to them and remove such burden from them :)"

you do not obligated to do anything, or to tell anything, to anyone. the entire question is fairly strange to a person from a different culture ...

frompa

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #56 on: July 20, 2015, 07:12:18 AM »
I think it's fine to bring it up casually, but there's certainly no obligation to talk to people about it with the intent to convert. Think of all your encounters with people trying evangelize to you about religion (or atheism), politics, their latest diet/cleanse/MLM project... nobody cares!

Or Linux. Ten years ago I used to enjoy telling anyone who would listen how great Linux is. I no longer bother. Like you say, “nobody cares!”


The above really cracked me up, because I'm in the process of making the switch to LINUX on one of my computers right now.  I get you on this one.  I do feel like I'm drinking the koolaid.  HA HA HA!

Exhale

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #57 on: July 20, 2015, 09:53:19 AM »
In Russian we say -кому я должен, я всем прощаю ;) which roughly means -"if I owe anything to anyone (thing, action, obligation), I will surely forgive it to them and remove such burden from them :)"  you do not obligated to do anything, or to tell anything, to anyone. the entire question is fairly strange to a person from a different culture ...

Great quote!

I responded to the question with the knowledge that humans are strongly influenced by the beliefs and behaviors of those around them (sorry don't have exact citations for this at hand, but know it has been studied numerous times - for example re: the impact of our social network on our health behaviors). Therefore, I know that if I'm surrounded by folks who don't get (much less practice) FIRE/MMM it'll have an impact on me. I appreciate knowing this because it allows me to be mindful about counteracting that influence. This may be especially relevant for single people like myself.

Lady Fordragon

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Re: Am I obligated to tell friends about my FIRE plans?
« Reply #58 on: July 20, 2015, 01:36:56 PM »
I've only told a couple close friends and they were negative about it. They simply don't believe the math. Also, they think my current life is impoverished for being frugal (using library vs. bookstore, cooking at home vs. eating out, hiking locally vs. traveling out of town/country, etc.) and that there's no way I'd be happy with this simple frugal life as I age. Interestingly, they can see I'm happier and healthier than ever before, but they don't (yet) believe the connection to why I'm now this way (in spite of being told). I just keep on doing what I'm doing and let them think what they think. Thank goodness for this forum providing company of like minded folks!
There are days I do wish that it would spread beyond this forum, but I suppose it is better to have this forum than nothing at all. The everyday people I come in contact with are all the same, if you don't spend, your viewed as cheap or someone who is not taking advantage of his/her life. Oh I can't wait to be FI, so I can prove the doubters how wrong they were and hopefully by then it will encourage more people to escape the rat wheel. Still another 10-15 years to go before that happens.

Totally agree!  My husband and I have gotten a number of remarks from friends/family/co-workers along the same lines.  According to them, we're depriving ourselves of living in the now and we're never going to be able to retire at such a young age.  A week or so ago my husband was talking to some co-workers about food costs and mentioned that we usually keep our grocery bill to under $50 a week for the two of us, which results in an average meal cost of about $1-2 per person.  To his co-workers this translated to us eating really cheap/crappy food.  Of course this isn't true, but there was no point in my husband trying to set them straight since they had already made up their minds.   I can only imagine what these same people will say when we're FI in 5 years.  Glad to be among all of you like minded folks on this forum.