tldr, because it is long: Mutual breakup with someone I still really like happening in next couple months, need ideas for cheap ways to recover (history of spending way too much previously).
I've been in an exclusive relationship for nearly six years now with a guy who is, in many ways, a great fit for me. We've been extremely happy together, and still are! But he just found out he's getting a job very far away from here, and we've always known this was not going to be permanent. This is an obvious opportunity to make the hard decision, so we've agreed that when he moves, it's over. That time frame could be anywhere between a month and the beginning of next year, depending on some logistics with the job and moving. I'm going to answer some anticipated questions below.
In the past, I have splurged after breakups: new car, lots of clothing and travel, "pampering" myself and my friends. Basically di$traction and subsequent debt. I'm now well on the road to FIRE and want to stay that way! I am saving up and allotting some money specifically for this, but I want to keep it controlled and reasonable. I'm hoping that the fact that is mutual and peaceful means I won't feel as driven to act out financially. What has worked for you to get through the first few months when everything feels broken and like you just want to reach out to the ex, particularly if the parting was amicable?
Anticipated questions:
Why not permanent if you get along so well? Our longterm goals are at odds with each other, due to big flashing red signs for incompatibility if we'd done any next steps. I want to live with a partner, for example, but he is just shy of a hoarder messy and wants to move closer to his family (in an area I don't like with a climate where I feel terrible most of the year) in a decade for good. His financial situation is a flaming wreck, and though he's always been super supportive of my Mustachian transition, it has not affected his debt or spending at all. He will never be able to retire at this rate, and seems fine with that as long as he can still buy expensive crap when he feels like it. I am far less social than he is, and the thought of having people over in my place multiple times a week--and paying to feed and entertain them--makes me want to hide.
How did this last this long given all that? Everything is still SO GOOD. We live separately and don't combine income so it's hard to remember all of the above day to day. This is one of the best relationships I've been in in my life. It still feels like the third month of dating. Exciting, comfortable, deep attraction. We travel well together, communicate beautifully, are supportive of each other even when we don't share goals, laugh constantly. When I hesitantly told him I was going 'stacian (including moving to a much smaller place further away), he brainstormed things we could do that were cheap or free and sent me a spreadsheet with links and costs. How amazing is that for someone who has no interest in doing it himself?? We've been through rough things (health, family, jobs) together and are honest even when it sucks (money situation above, reality that we should at some point break up). We've been putting off the breakup year by year as it all stayed strong.
Why not yank off the bandage? We talked about it, about how to hurt the least. It's going to suck no matter what. I know for me to get over someone I have to cut contact for a while or I never let go emotionally, and that would be difficult before he moves (preexisting social commitments and plans) but very easy once he leaves. Also, we want to continue to enjoy each other's company, even if tinged with loss. I've gone back and forth about this, but right now this is where it's at.
Thanks for any ideas! I love the blend of relationship advice here. My internet use is restricted during the day but I'll be back when possible.