Author Topic: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)  (Read 7344 times)

undercover

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Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« on: March 24, 2015, 08:01:03 AM »
I posted something similar a few months ago, and received some great replies. I'm in a slightly different situation, needing slightly different advice, with MUCH more detail given, so this post will be packaged differently. Sorry about the rambling in advance. Hopefully it comes across coherently, which is my goal.

24, almost 25. Worked retail the past 5 years (also worked various side jobs and went to school full time during some of these years to build investments). Currently @ $15/hr with commission (closer to $16.5/hr, about $14k gross yearly) working part time only 2 days a week (boss is extremely flexible and has always been good to me). I consider this very good money for where I live given my limited responsibilities. Live in a very LCOL area (rural NC) with parents. Have MIS degree. Have about $25k in passive income, maybe more. No debt obviously.

I'm really at a standstill with things. I have nothing to complain about, yet I'm unhappy. I have zero interest in my job and besides the social interaction I'd otherwise definitely not get, I feel like I've accomplished nothing at the end of the day. Things are just too easy other than dealing with customers and repeating the same tasks over and over and hearing the same things from the same unambitious manager for the past 5 years. All the newbies (which we cycle through fairly frequently) get stuck with doing the truly busy work and stuff so I've definitely earned my keep there. If I go full time, I almost gross $40k which isn't bad considering I currently have zero housing expense, and much of my food here is subsidized.

I want more out of life, obviously. I'm obviously not happy where I am. The problem is, is the grass really greener? If I move to a HCOL area which is where I want to be, I'll be paying $1k+ in rent. Which means my salary will need to be more like $60k to keep the same savings rate I am now. I just don't see this as being possible starting out, if it happens at all. I am working on my coding/front end web development skills but it just seems like a daunting task living so far away from where the opportunities are and thinking about moving. I can always come back, sure, but I'll lose my "cushy" retail job setup of course. I need exposure to get motivated! There is none of that around here (where I live).

Mom says I've become lazy, which I don't totally agree with. Yes, I'm doing relatively A LOT less than I was 5 years ago, but I'm also in a better position than I was 5 years ago and I feel almost like I'm "past" worrying about trivial things. I also feel like I'm "past" studying and working my way up since I put so much effort into getting to the position I'm at now. I know I'm not past advancing myself in any way shape or form, but it just feels like it since I'm burnt out of working so hard already. Simple things seem daunting now since I have so many choices.

So I guess the options are: move, accept less money in the beginning, but potentially be much happier and have more room for advancement OR stay in the relatively great position I'm in now. One thing hurting me is the position of "power". I feel like I have the power to make a change when I'm working, even though I hate the place and the job itself. If I straight up quit, that power is gone and I have no one to turn to but myself. This could be a good thing in a way, forcing me to make (try) better moves.

I've "soft" quit a few times already. Every time it came time to actually leave, I caved and stayed since I couldn't stand the thought of not having that extra income and being uncertain about the future. I just felt like I'd be missing out. It doesn't help that I'm extremely introverted and 90% of my social interaction comes from work. I get really depressed being a home. But I don't like being there either since it's a face-to-face with customers type of job and just all of the menial aforementioned BS that goes along with it.

Part of me just wants to quit and close this chapter of my life, and focus on completely decompressing for a while, then hit the books hard and apply to anything and everything I have interest in, then move. I can obviously afford it, but should I?

Despite all the rambling and back and forth, I do have goals. I know I definitely want (need?) my own place as soon as I can. The problem is, I don't want to rent. I want the house to be in an area I want to be in, which I will figure out, but I want my time renting to be <2 years while I figure out exactly where that is. Another thing is, I'm saving to pay for it mostly in cash. In another 3-5 years of staying here and working, I could pretty much pay cash for a house anywhere I wanted (despite extremely HCOL areas) since I already have some saved up. The thing is, after that, my working would only need to be minimal anyway (if at all) so what is the point in even using my degree when my goals for living are basically already met by age 30? Fulfillment, excitement, and change would be one way to answer that question, and I realize it's personal, but the choices are hard.

zinnie

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2015, 08:26:19 AM »
Go have an adventure. You're young. It isn't all about savings and money. It sounds like you need to go find a challenge.  High COL areas are like that because they have more jobs, more people, and more opportunity. Don't worry so much about paying a little more for these opportunitites--especially at your age!

Did I read it right that you are only working part-time--so why do you need to quit your job to get this new life started? If you are worried about being depressed staying at home you don't need to pull the plug until you have started these new plans in motion. Same with that comment about power--you can figure this all out without making drastic changes right this very second.

It sounds like I am a little like you--prone to depression and generally introverted--and moving away to a very high COL place for a new job in my twenties was one of the best things I ever did for myself, both for my professional future and to develop personal skills. Sometimes forcing yourself to sink or swim is a really good thing and builds character.

Don't let yourself be in a rut this early in life--this is the time to be adventurous! Just my take on it, not knowing you or anything about you besides what is here. And good luck.

LifestyleDeflation

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2015, 08:38:28 AM »
It sounds like you're super complacent. My advice would be to do some traveling- with that kind of passive income you could travel indefinitely in cheaper parts of the world like southeast Asia living like a king, or in more expensive areas like western Europe living like a mid-twenties backpacker.

If you've never traveled abroad before, go somewhere tame like western Europe or Australia so you won't have so much to worry about (everyone speaks English, little to no crime in most places). Don't worry about the details- just pick somewhere that interests you and buy a one-way ticket. You can buy your return ticket when you're ready to move on, and if you forget an important item, you can buy it when you get to your destination.

Travel is a fantastic way to broaden your horizons, see incredible things, meet incredible people, and ignite your passion. I'm 24 as well and I've now made a habit of traveling a few months a year. Every time I do, I find myself growing from the experience, and super inspired to work on new projects when I get back.

I think you'd benefit a lot from escaping your current environment and challenging yourself to adapt to a completely different set of circumstances. While you're on the road, you can think about what you'd like your next step to be.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

JLee

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2015, 08:45:13 AM »
Almost 25, working two days a week, and your parents are covering most of your living expenses? I could see the argument for 'lazy.'

What would you want to do if you weren't scared of anything? Where would you live? What would you do for work?

undercover

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2015, 08:45:42 AM »
Did I read it right that you are only working part-time--so why do you need to quit your job to get this new life started?

Because of this:

Sometimes forcing yourself to sink or swim is a really good thing and builds character.

That's my thinking anyway. Just wonder what others would do in my situation. Seems silly to give it up, but I feel like being there is just making me more complacent and even though I'm barely there, I don't have the motivation to do anything when I'm not there. Maybe it's a mental thing? Then I'm scared that I'll just end up doing nothing if I pull the plug completely, but I don't really think so.

Terrestrial

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2015, 08:47:29 AM »

Mom says I've become lazy, which I don't totally agree with. Yes, I'm doing relatively A LOT less than I was 5 years ago, but I'm also in a better position than I was 5 years ago and I feel almost like I'm "past" worrying about trivial things. I also feel like I'm "past" studying and working my way up since I put so much effort into getting to the position I'm at now. I know I'm not past advancing myself in any way shape or form, but it just feels like it since I'm burnt out of working so hard already. Simple things seem daunting now since I have so many choices.

So I guess the options are: move, accept less money in the beginning, but potentially be much happier and have more room for advancement OR stay in the relatively great position I'm in now. One thing hurting me is the position of "power". I feel like I have the power to make a change when I'm working, even though I hate the place and the job itself. If I straight up quit, that power is gone and I have no one to turn to but myself. This could be a good thing in a way, forcing me to make (try) better moves.


My personal take, yes you're kind of lazy.  Correct me if I'm off base here but I think a large part of you feeling you are 'past trivial things' is that your parents by and large subsidize your lifestyle though free rent and whatever else they are paying for you (food, health insurance, etc?). 

It's been generous of them to let you live there well into adult hood and with a college diploma while only working 2 days a week, presumably to let you build up a nest egg.  Now that you have done that, time to fall out of the nest.  I think your mom's comment should be taken at face value that perhaps she is starting to not appreciate paying for you to live while you aren't applying yourself to anything.  Life will seem a lot less 'easy' when you have to pay for everything yourself, and that shock to the system may be what you need to get on the horse and do something productive that will ultimately make you feel more satisfied. 

Just my opinion but 25 years old is too young to rest on one's laurels and feel burned out when one's 'exertions' have comprised of getting a college degree and working 2 days a week for a few years while living off your parents.  If you truely do not need the money and are happy with your passive income level to live in the rest of your life then at least go do something productive like volunteering.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2015, 08:55:36 AM by Terrestrial »

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2015, 08:53:42 AM »
Why don't you work full-time?

neo von retorch

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2015, 09:00:18 AM »
Money isn't happiness. You've got your basic financial needs covered, easily, through little to no effort of your own.

Now what is your purpose? Lots of people work hard at full-time jobs, and through this, they discover their own strengths and others needs, and then they start to find new, innovative ways to work harder, using their unique advantages to better help other people. In what way are you doing that?

zinnie

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2015, 09:08:21 AM »
Did I read it right that you are only working part-time--so why do you need to quit your job to get this new life started?

Because of this:

Sometimes forcing yourself to sink or swim is a really good thing and builds character.


That's my thinking anyway. Just wonder what others would do in my situation. Seems silly to give it up, but I feel like being there is just making me more complacent and even though I'm barely there, I don't have the motivation to do anything when I'm not there. Maybe it's a mental thing? Then I'm scared that I'll just end up doing nothing if I pull the plug completely, but I don't really think so.


I definitely see what you're getting at--it's just that at some point in your life you are going to have to find the motivation even when conditions aren't ideal. What if you move somewhere and get a new job and you end up realizing it isn't the right career field for you? Will you then need to quit and move somewhere else to force yourself into something new?

Don't let this fear of your own lack of motivation bog you down. Remind yourself that you have control over that--what you don't have control over is the outside world--who is willing to hire you and where you can find a place to live. Nothing about quitting a part time job is going to make that part easier. You are going to have to deal with this issue at some point in your life. I learned the hard way that your problems follow you wherever you go. So make sure you are working on the problems in addition to the location.

Anyways, I wish you luck. You remind me a lot of my little brother.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2015, 09:10:09 AM by zinnie »

Sibley

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2015, 10:35:27 AM »
Tough love seems to be the most appropriate response.

It sounds like you're not yet an independent adult. It's safe to stay at home with mommy and daddy, and changing that is scary so you avoid it. I get it, I went through it, everyone does. But it's time to grow up and take responsibility for your life.

Find a full time job, preferably using your existing degree. Rent an apartment. Separate 100% of your finances from your parents - you pay your debts, rent, food, utilities, insurance, cell phone, clothing, etc. Cook for yourself, keep your apartment clean. Is any of this comforting? No! Growing up isn't supposed to be comfortable all the time, and it takes practice. When you've got a decent handle on this, then you can think about buying a house.

lifejoy

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2015, 06:57:33 AM »
Are you happy? If yes, keep doing what you're doing. If no, make a change. Simple as that.

Could you try volunteering somewhere? Or get an online job?

undercover

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2015, 06:21:40 AM »

Mom says I've become lazy, which I don't totally agree with. Yes, I'm doing relatively A LOT less than I was 5 years ago, but I'm also in a better position than I was 5 years ago and I feel almost like I'm "past" worrying about trivial things. I also feel like I'm "past" studying and working my way up since I put so much effort into getting to the position I'm at now. I know I'm not past advancing myself in any way shape or form, but it just feels like it since I'm burnt out of working so hard already. Simple things seem daunting now since I have so many choices.

So I guess the options are: move, accept less money in the beginning, but potentially be much happier and have more room for advancement OR stay in the relatively great position I'm in now. One thing hurting me is the position of "power". I feel like I have the power to make a change when I'm working, even though I hate the place and the job itself. If I straight up quit, that power is gone and I have no one to turn to but myself. This could be a good thing in a way, forcing me to make (try) better moves.


Just my opinion but 25 years old is too young to rest on one's laurels and feel burned out when one's 'exertions' have comprised of getting a college degree and working 2 days a week for a few years while living off your parents.  If you truely do not need the money and are happy with your passive income level to live in the rest of your life then at least go do something productive like volunteering.

I guess I should have clarified. When I "started out" five years ago, I was working full time, had two side businesses, and was going to school full time. I was working and saving like a madman. I have only recently slowed down. I definitely agree with you and see where your coming from about these exertions not being enough for the rest of my life, but for having done what I've done at 25 I feel fairly burnt out. From where I'm from, finishing college is no small feat. It's too easy to get caught up in getting married and settling down without any real prospects in this area, or getting hooked on drugs from where I'm from.

Not only did I never experience college life (all online courses after community college), I sacrificed a social life altogether by working very hard for at least 4 years. I went part time and stopped the side businesses because it became way too much. Haven't always been at 2 days a week. That's a recent change.

I'm also not saying 5 years is a super long time or that I've done anything similar to creating Uber or Facebook, but I feel like I've done a lot, with or without parental support.

I agree with anyone saying I just need to get out. I have land I could build a house on now and convert it to a rental one if I leave the area, so I don't really want to rent while I'm in this area. I guess the best choice is to go live somewhere for a while and try to get something related to my degree.

Quote from: Sibley
Tough love seems to be the most appropriate response.

I totally agree with you. Sometimes, I do wish my parents were harder on me and pushed me to do things. They never did. Anything I've done was totally by my own design and will. Not saying they aren't good parents or they would have allowed me to never do anything, but they were small business owners and have never lived anywhere else but this small, rural corner of the US.

Tough love really isn't an option now (though sometimes I wish it were) because I always have a place to come back to, and that's just the way it is. I guess I just need to take the knowledge of "there's always somewhere to come back" and run with it.

Quote from: lifejoy
Are you happy? If yes, keep doing what you're doing. If no, make a change. Simple as that.

Could you try volunteering somewhere? Or get an online job?

The change is only surface value. As to what change needs to be made is the hard part. I definitely know there needs to be a change because I'm not happy.

I was thinking more people would suggest me to quit the job I'm burnt out at, but only a few people really insinuated that. Yes, in theory, I could look for other things while working, but I don't know if it's that simple. I don't currently have the mental clarity and will to apply to other jobs while I'm at this one. I don't know what it is. Looking for other jobs in distant cities while even working part time sounds daunting when I don't have the skill set I need to have. I think in the back of my head I'm thinking, "you have this $15/hr job now, you're not really going to leave it while it's there even if something comes up". I can't get motivated to find anything else. That's why I thought quitting might help me.

One thing holding me back is the fact that I've applied to probably around 4 other places locally while I've been working, and 3 of those jobs were degree related. Two of them I probably wasn't ready for, and the other I did not fully qualify since I hadn't completed my degree at the time. There are really no entry level jobs in my area for tech. Maybe a few, but they rarely open up. The other job had LOTS of potential and was with a small business but they only wanted to offer me $13/hr and make me start out working out in the field doing lots of manual labor. I politely declined since even though it sounded like great potential eventually (some programming involved). They wanted to treat me like any average joe out of high school, so I was slightly offended. I know these 4 "failures" are simply learning experiences, but just saying that I haven't always been so complacent.

I don't know if quitting will magically make me scramble to find another job and location that I'm actually interested in, but I'm thinking it will.

midweststache

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2015, 06:41:53 AM »
They wanted to treat me like any average joe out of high school, so I was slightly offended.

I understand why you would be a little put off, but this also sound a little entitled. There are plenty of people who do manual labor because they enjoy it - they can see their fruits at the end of the day, which sounds like part of your frustration with your current job - that you can't see those fruits. Other people do manual labor to pay rent, put food on the table... things you're in a very privileged position not to have to pay.

What are your annual expenses? If you have a passive income of $25,000/year, an active income of $14,000/year, what is your savings rate on that $39,000? Are you contributing to your parents' household in any way (rent, groceries, utilities, etc.)?

Have you thought about teaching overseas for a year or two (I know a number of people who have taught English in China, Japan, and South Korea)? It would get you out of your comfort zone (literally and metaphorically), and most of your expenses are covered, allowing you to build up your nest egg even more. You could even take on contract IT work while overseas. Say you do that for 2 years - you come back to the $50,000 of your passive income you didn't spend, plus whatever you saved from your teaching income. You have a hefty chunk of change to reinvest or to purchase a home or to start a company... whatever.

neo von retorch

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2015, 07:58:38 AM »

I guess I should have clarified. When I "started out" five years ago, I was working full time, had two side businesses, and was going to school full time. I was working and saving like a madman. I have only recently slowed down. I definitely agree with you and see where your coming from about these exertions not being enough for the rest of my life, but for having done what I've done at 25 I feel fairly burnt out. From where I'm from, finishing college is no small feat. It's too easy to get caught up in getting married and settling down without any real prospects in this area, or getting hooked on drugs from where I'm from.

Not only did I never experience college life (all online courses after community college), I sacrificed a social life altogether by working very hard for at least 4 years. I went part time and stopped the side businesses because it became way too much. Haven't always been at 2 days a week. That's a recent change.

I'm also not saying 5 years is a super long time or that I've done anything similar to creating Uber or Facebook, but I feel like I've done a lot, with or without parental support.

I agree with anyone saying I just need to get out. I have land I could build a house on now and convert it to a rental one if I leave the area, so I don't really want to rent while I'm in this area. I guess the best choice is to go live somewhere for a while and try to get something related to my degree.

I totally agree with you. Sometimes, I do wish my parents were harder on me and pushed me to do things. They never did. Anything I've done was totally by my own design and will. Not saying they aren't good parents or they would have allowed me to never do anything, but they were small business owners and have never lived anywhere else but this small, rural corner of the US.

Tough love really isn't an option now (though sometimes I wish it were) because I always have a place to come back to, and that's just the way it is. I guess I just need to take the knowledge of "there's always somewhere to come back" and run with it.

The change is only surface value. As to what change needs to be made is the hard part. I definitely know there needs to be a change because I'm not happy.

I was thinking more people would suggest me to quit the job I'm burnt out at, but only a few people really insinuated that. Yes, in theory, I could look for other things while working, but I don't know if it's that simple. I don't currently have the mental clarity and will to apply to other jobs while I'm at this one. I don't know what it is. Looking for other jobs in distant cities while even working part time sounds daunting when I don't have the skill set I need to have. I think in the back of my head I'm thinking, "you have this $15/hr job now, you're not really going to leave it while it's there even if something comes up". I can't get motivated to find anything else. That's why I thought quitting might help me.

One thing holding me back is the fact that I've applied to probably around 4 other places locally while I've been working, and 3 of those jobs were degree related. Two of them I probably wasn't ready for, and the other I did not fully qualify since I hadn't completed my degree at the time. There are really no entry level jobs in my area for tech. Maybe a few, but they rarely open up. The other job had LOTS of potential and was with a small business but they only wanted to offer me $13/hr and make me start out working out in the field doing lots of manual labor. I politely declined since even though it sounded like great potential eventually (some programming involved). They wanted to treat me like any average joe out of high school, so I was slightly offended. I know these 4 "failures" are simply learning experiences, but just saying that I haven't always been so complacent.

I don't know if quitting will magically make me scramble to find another job and location that I'm actually interested in, but I'm thinking it will.

Don't focus on what others did in the past, present or future. Don't focus on wishes. Don't use passive language. If you really want anything to change, you simply have to make your own decisions, choose to take action, and make it happen. You change things, or they do not change for you.

You are twenty-five years old. You should have the (mental) energy and zeal to do things. If you don't, get some more exercise, eat better, sleep better, and get back on the horse. You have no excuses and no one to point fingers at but yourself.

Jack

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2015, 08:38:33 AM »
I want more out of life, obviously. I'm obviously not happy where I am. The problem is, is the grass really greener? If I move to a HCOL area which is where I want to be, I'll be paying $1k+ in rent.

Who says you need to go to a HCOL area? You're already in NC; move to the Research Triangle.

plainjane

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #15 on: March 26, 2015, 08:52:12 AM »
One thing holding me back is the fact that I've applied to probably around 4 other places locally while I've been working, and 3 of those jobs were degree related.

This really stood out for me.  I get that you're in a LCOL region, which usually means not that many employers, but only applying to 4 places is not many at all.  When I decided to leave the job before my last one I customized my cover letter and applied to 4 jobs the first day. 

And $2/h less than you're making now, when there was opportunity for growth and getting into an industry you want seems really short sighted. 

olivia

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #16 on: March 26, 2015, 09:25:25 AM »
I want more out of life, obviously. I'm obviously not happy where I am. The problem is, is the grass really greener? If I move to a HCOL area which is where I want to be, I'll be paying $1k+ in rent.

Who says you need to go to a HCOL area? You're already in NC; move to the Research Triangle.

Ditto-I highly doubt an apartment with roommates would cost you $1k a month.  Retail sucks a lot of people in because many retailers pay better compared to entry level office jobs, but 5 years down the road you won't have moved up much at a retail gig.  An office gig will often have a TON of options, including much higher paying jobs.

Honestly you sound depressed-most 25 year olds aren't living with their parents and only working 2 days a week.  You should go to a doctor for a depression screening.

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #17 on: March 26, 2015, 09:53:13 AM »
One thing holding me back is the fact that I've applied to probably around 4 other places locally while I've been working, and 3 of those jobs were degree related.

This really stood out for me.  I get that you're in a LCOL region, which usually means not that many employers, but only applying to 4 places is not many at all.  When I decided to leave the job before my last one I customized my cover letter and applied to 4 jobs the first day. 

And $2/h less than you're making now, when there was opportunity for growth and getting into an industry you want seems really short sighted.


I agree with this, When I was searching for a new job, while I still had a job, I would apply to about 4 jobs a week or more! That job you turned down may have been a good start for you since it's in your field. I'm in the IT field as well and trust me, any IT experience is a plus. You have to start somewhere!

Bracken_Joy

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #18 on: March 26, 2015, 09:59:40 AM »
Reading through this, I read a lot of excuses and very much came away with a sense of entitlement vibe from you. I'm sorry if this isn't correct, but I'll reply under these assumptions. You said you weren't getting tough love from your parents, so I will gladly provide ;)

You are an adult. Start acting like one. Your parents don't owe you any support. If anything, you should be working to set up your life so that you can support THEM if need be. Trust me, my dad had a stroke when I was in college. The direction of support can change in an instant. Just because you'll "always have a place to go" doesn't mean you should allow that to be an option except in the toughest of times. Develop some pride. See anything that isn't standing on your own two feet as shameful. You are a man in the prime of your life. Any other time and place and you would be supporting a family and heading a household. So where is this strength in you? Where is your leadership, your drive, your backbone? Find it and use it.

You are ALLOWING yourself to be complacent. You are ALLOWING yourself to be in a rut. You feel like you don't have to try any more. Well guess what? Life isn't an awards show. You won't get a merit badge for pushing yourself. There is only intrinsic reward and an internal locus of control to keep driving you. Stop looking for what should push you out of the nest and instead leap out. This is your choice. This is your life. You only get one shot, and you're wasting it on "good enough". That is a massive waste.

Don't be a waste.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #19 on: March 26, 2015, 10:20:01 AM »
You're unchallenged because you're lazy.

crispy

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #20 on: March 27, 2015, 02:42:27 PM »
Reading through this, I read a lot of excuses and very much came away with a sense of entitlement vibe from you. I'm sorry if this isn't correct, but I'll reply under these assumptions. You said you weren't getting tough love from your parents, so I will gladly provide ;)

You are an adult. Start acting like one. Your parents don't owe you any support. If anything, you should be working to set up your life so that you can support THEM if need be. Trust me, my dad had a stroke when I was in college. The direction of support can change in an instant. Just because you'll "always have a place to go" doesn't mean you should allow that to be an option except in the toughest of times. Develop some pride. See anything that isn't standing on your own two feet as shameful. You are a man in the prime of your life. Any other time and place and you would be supporting a family and heading a household. So where is this strength in you? Where is your leadership, your drive, your backbone? Find it and use it.

You are ALLOWING yourself to be complacent. You are ALLOWING yourself to be in a rut. You feel like you don't have to try any more. Well guess what? Life isn't an awards show. You won't get a merit badge for pushing yourself. There is only intrinsic reward and an internal locus of control to keep driving you. Stop looking for what should push you out of the nest and instead leap out. This is your choice. This is your life. You only get one shot, and you're wasting it on "good enough". That is a massive waste.

Don't be a waste.

This.  It sounds like your mom is trying to tactfully push you out of the nest.  Take the hint.  Most of us have taken jobs we hate or were too educated for because you have to start somewhere. 

trobertson79

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2015, 03:33:09 PM »
You wrote something that blew my mind.  "Have 25K in passive income maybe more".  Did you write that correctly and I read it correctly?  Are you saying your pulling down around $2K per month for doing nothing?  Like from some investment you have (invested inheritance?)?  If so, dude, you are financially free at this very second.  So I'm suspecting that maybe I don't understand you or you incorrectly wrote something.

Anyway, I'm from NC as well and there's a very simple answer to your desire for "more".  Move to Raleigh, or Chapel Hill.  There's plenty to do there, it's basically as happening as any big city (I moved to Boston from Raleigh for an even more happening life, but, it's really unnecessary and not adviseable if you don't earn a lot of money).  Go on craigslist look for a room to rent, shell out $400/mo for a room and see how that suits you.  I own 2BR 2BA condos there and they rent for around $650-700/mo so if you do the math you could rent one of those and then rent out a room for $400 and have a mere $300/mo rent (+ utilities).  Again, Raleigh is going to have 100x more things going on than rural NC and you'll even be able to ride a bike to get to them.  Furthermore if you want to get educated and earn more money, you can do it all right there in Raleigh (NC State + tons of companies paying good money in and around the city).

 You should feel lucky that you have one of the hottest and affordable growing cities right there within an easy drive of your family.  Go take advantage.

kelly1mm

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #22 on: March 27, 2015, 05:50:58 PM »
If I had 25k in passive income annually and that was something that would continue, I would be retired already.  That is the equivalent of a $625,000 nest egg at 4% withdraw rate.  If single and in a low COL area I would simply retire now.

That is a totally separate question from if you are lazy though.  If your passive income is 100k per year yet you sit on your azz watching music videos and lul catz on youtube all day you would be lazy IMO.  likewise you can by very hard working and have little income at all.

Basically what I think I am trying to convey is that income and even employment status is not directly related to laziness.

Doulos

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #23 on: March 27, 2015, 06:05:34 PM »
http://teamtreehouse.com/

What are your expenses and why do you not consider $25k passive income a FIRE point?
Even moving to the city and a 1k apartment you can still easily live off of $25k.

Also.  MIS can mean several things.  Please define.

Am I missing something?

Base on what I think you are saying...
1) Keep working your part time job and learn to be content.  You need to learn this.  Work that job and find contentment without your situation changing. 
-   Quit after you have achieved this change in yourself.
-   Or, alternatively get a really bad job and learn it there.  Like Fast food.
2) Figure out why you got that degree and what you want to do even after you are retired.  Because according to the above.  You are already past FIRE.
3) Sign up for Treehouse.
-   You have plenty of free time to learn a few real skills to really do something.
4) Web jobs do not require you to move anywhere.  You are on this forum, you have internet.  I work from home right now.  You can too.
-   I am not saying dont move.  I am saying it is not required.

Argyle

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #24 on: March 27, 2015, 08:15:04 PM »
Is the 25K income or is it savings?  That's unclear to me.  What are your total financial assets?

I think you need to move to someplace more interesting someplace where there is a social life outside of showing up at a boring job.  You need to do that soon.  The first few months will seem a bit strange and sometimes hard.  Then you will start to wake up and realize what you've been missing.  Really, moving away from home (not just out, but away) is crucial in growing up and knowing what you want.  Many people do that when they go away to college, but in your situation, it's still ahead of you.  Time to do it now.

undercover

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2015, 10:41:33 PM »
Thanks for the replies. They helped A LOT.

I have been much more tolerant of my job lately and I was able to spread the two days apart so it has actually been a lot better. I am becoming more content with where I am in life, but also becoming lazier.

Since reading the replies and doing some more introspection, I am definitely lazy. I've made efforts to get out of the swing of things and the comfort of my position, but it's too irresistible to just play games and eat all day. I did buy 3 front end developmemt/web design books and I've read one but only about 1/8th through a JavaScript book. I know the only way to proceed with my degree is to learn some real world employable skills. I just get frustrated and want to throw my computer when things don't work. I eventually "get it", but it comes tedious.

I might give Treehouse a shot since its monthly rather than some of these boot camp sites that charge like $4k upfront. Plus, I think there's plenty of free info online if one has the determination and resourcefulness to pull it all together. I know that I do, ultimately, but I've been so lazy.

I've realy been considering buying a condo somewhere. Maybe Austin. It would shave $10k in passive income off if I paid cash but I could still definitely live off $10-15k a year and I would eventually work, I'm just in no rush. But I realize the longer I wait on fine tuning my coding skills, the longer it will take to get hired. I'm thinking by getting away and have a place as a responsibility, my mind will be working faster. Then again it could result in disaster since I am not used to living away or alone (though I already know I love being alone for the most part).

Joel

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #26 on: April 04, 2015, 10:18:25 AM »
How do you have 25k in passive income having only worked retail?

It sounds like you are taking advantage of your parents, and they are ready for you to move out and stand on your own two feet. Working part time in retail and living at home after graduating with an IT-related degree sounds pretty damn lazy to me.

Mini-Mer

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #27 on: April 04, 2015, 01:10:29 PM »
I've been in a similar situation - kicked ass at college and then... had no plans for what to do next, and wound up living with parents with a part-time job and very limited social life.  It was energy-sapping and totally demotivating.  (You're way ahead of me though, with the marketable skills and passive income!  Go you!)

If I could go back in time, I would get myself screened for depression.  I didn't feel particularly sad at the time, but I suspect that's where the burnout and apathy and stuck-ness came from.  Getting that treated might have made climbing out of the rut less overwhelming and difficult.

What I actually did was pack up my car and move to Austin.  After the initial panic over how to pay rent faded, it got better, and eventually much better.  So - good plan!   (Let me know if you want apartment recommendations!)

jeromedawg

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #28 on: April 04, 2015, 01:30:59 PM »
Dude, did you write a big-time Android/Iphone app or do you have a ton of blogs with ads or something to be netting a $25k passive income? That's pretty insane if you ask me for where you're at today. You could totally move out and live on your own based on that alone plus the fact that it sounds like you are technical (and could easily land a job elsewhere). Go for it man. Or If you really want to be challenged, start up a company! It sounds like you are business-savvy having run two side-businesses already. Maybe a consulting business or something along those lines, with focus on what you're good at. Lots of people are looking for people who can code, man.

LifestyleDeflation

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #29 on: April 07, 2015, 03:55:45 AM »
Get the hell out of your hometown. It doesn't matter where you go or what you do- just GTFO! If you want to live in a big city, live in a big city! If you want to buy a house somewhere (outside your hometown) do it! You have an amazing combination of time, money, and health that you're an absolute fool to not take advantage of.

20 years from now, you're going to look back on where your life is today and wish you'd moved forward with your life sooner. Think about that. When you're 55, what do you want to look back on? A life of mediocrity, mooching off family even after building up enough passive income to buy a house in cash and STILL live off it? Do you want to look back on staying in your sleepy hometown, a place that even you describe as desolate of opportunity? Do you want to feel scared of the unknown at 55? Do you want your children to have a father and your friends to have a friend who once had the time, resources, and health to see the world but continued to stay sheltered at home?

Or do you want to change things? Do you want to move to a big city?  Do you want to take risks and fall as often as you SUCCEED? Do you want to experience the incredible world we live in, visiting new people and places in the USA and beyond? Do you want to live your life in bold colors or grayscale?

Get the fuck out of town. That's the first step. You can do this. Don't worry about the details. You aren't going to die. Find something/somewhere that sparks your interest and just go. You're in a cycle now that you need to break out of. You've showed us in this thread that the only thing holding you back is your complacent attitude. You can get past this. But don't look at it as one big mountain- instead, break it down into steps. The first step is spending some time in Google, deciding where your next adventure starts.

You can do this. It starts with one step. Good luck, and remember that this community will always be here to support you.

Workinghard

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #30 on: April 07, 2015, 05:04:25 AM »
I agree with other posters who essentially are saying grow up. Our son graduated college before most kids graduate high school. Most was online but he lived on campus for a year. He moved back home for 6 months and could only get a retail job that was going nowhere. He then decided to transfer and move back to the college town. He was still on our insurance and we paid for his apartment for a year while he figured things out. He continued working retail, tried out fast food places, and did get a company job paying arounf 30k  During that year, he was bored, didn't enjoy work (meaningless tasks), limited advancement opportunities, and he decided to join the national guard. The training from that led to getting a job with a national company at 22 making more than my dh or I. He needed time to figure it out but that wasn't going to happen at home.

onwisconsin

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Re: Am I lazy or just unchallenged? (long, detailed)
« Reply #31 on: April 07, 2015, 06:30:17 AM »
Part of me just wants to quit and close this chapter of my life, and focus on completely decompressing for a while, then hit the books hard and apply to anything and everything I have interest in, then move. I can obviously afford it, but should I?

Not trying to be snarky, but what do you need to decompress from? 

As a fellow introvert I have some sympathy.  However, when choosing a career I took my personality traits into account:  I got a graduate degree in library science and have worked as a librarian for 20 years and am retiring next year at age 47.  Perhaps you need to tailor your job to your personality - I did quite well in a low-stress, rather solitary career (I'm a cataloger).