Author Topic: Am I being unreasonable?  (Read 35867 times)

Dr.Vibrissae

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Re: Am I being unreasonable?
« Reply #100 on: May 07, 2013, 06:27:01 PM »
I know you came here looking for some answers but the truth of the matter is no one on this entire site is qualified to tell you what to do with your relationship (including myself)...

Your relationship concerns might be warranted, or they might not...

To me this is the crux.  We, obviously only have your original question and a couple of posts, and in all you seem to have a lackadaisical interest in keeping the relationship moving forward.  I could easily write a post making the Mr. seem like a lazy drain on the finances, but I could just as quickly give a list of 10 excellent qualities and reasons why I love him, want to spend my life with him and don't ultimately mind spending a few extra dollars on him than I would just by myself.

Can you do the same?  Seriously, multiple people have asked, and I don't think they were all being rhetorical: why are you with your girlfriend?  What are her good qualities, why do you want to continue to be with her.  It's probably not necessary to answer that here, but you should really think about it, could you make a list of 5 awesome things about her?

Your original question of are you being unreasonable has been unanimously answered as 'No,' but it doesn't really solve your issue.  I also hope that you find a solution that brings you happiness.

cats

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Re: Am I being unreasonable?
« Reply #101 on: May 07, 2013, 08:06:28 PM »

Hi Cats.

Let's see...

She's had one job that she was in for maybe 4 months & was let go.  She's had a contract job & that ended w/no offer to stay on.  She's had one job that she was in for 2 months & was let go.

She's had interviews lately but no offers.  She's been applying for anything & everything.  Overall, I'd say the calls for interviews have really slowed.  Kind of worrisome from my perspective.

I'd agree this is worrisome.  One thing to consider if you guys are talking kids is that you typically have to have been in a job for at least 12 months to qualify for even unpaid maternity leave under FMLA.  It sounds like her track record of holding a job for 12+ months is poor/non-existent.  This means that unless she suddenly changes that, childbirth will almost definitely mean that she loses/quits whatever job she is in.  Then childcare will probably cost more than any job she can find (I'm guessing, as it sounds like whatever qualifications she has are not in high demand).  So you are probably looking at AT LEAST 4 years of her being a full-time SAHM (until kiddo #1 heads off to kindergarten), at which point it's going to be hard for her to get back into the workforce even if she wants to.  How do you feel about that?  Basically, given the biological clock constraints, she's got a very limited amount of time to get it together if making some level of financial contribution is a requirement for you.

Your comment that you've had other GFs treat you better is pretty telling.  I don't always agree with my boyfriend about finances or other important stuff, but if I could honestly say that I had known better treatment from someone else, that would be a dealbreaker.  It's important to feel respected and valued in a relationship.  If you really meant that statement, you need to move on.