This happened earlier today and its been weighing on my mind.
Have you had a situation where your partner has suggested a trip away for a weekend and you calculated the cost of said trip and then shut them down?
My partner would like to spend a weekend away from her family with myself in a rather expensive city, go visit some friends and just relax, go out etc. My first thought was "Yeah, wouldn't that be great!" but then my newfound sense of stash-dreaming yanked me back into focus.
I wouldn't be relaxed, I'd be wondering how much money would be wasted on flights, accommodation, food, entertainment and shopping, I would be agitated and trying to avoid spending which in turn would put my partner on edge as well and the whole thing wouldn't be relaxing at all. I considered airbnb, cooking at home and free entertainment but honestly I would much rather stay put, go and do cheap/free activities locally even though it would mean my partner doesn't get a "real" break.
I calmly explained the potential costs, the fact that I myself had recently turned down a holiday with family so that I could save my money and continue paying down debt and she just said "ok".
I don't understand women at all, am I up shit creek?, prior experience with other partners has me feeling like I'm going to have an uncomfortable situation for the next few days and I feel like I'm the boring one that has to be the hard-ass when these types of situations occur.
To her credit we haven't really had many situations like this and she isn't the unreasonable type, so I'm probably just over thinking it.
Similar experience friends?
The problem (well, at least A problem) is you're doing a cost/benefit analysis with only your preferences in mind. Let's say that Weekend Away on the Cheap costs 2x what a Staycation costs. You say to yourself, "self, I would enjoy a Staycation exactly as much as a Weekend Away. So, it's not worth paying twice as much for something I would enjoy exactly as much." The Weekend Away:Staycation ratio for you is 1:1.
You failed to take into consideration her preferences in this scenario. What if the ratio for her is 4:1? That means for the two of you
as a couple, the average ratio is 2.5:1. The increased cost is now Worth It, and this plan is therefore a Good Compromise. Through additional questions about other, cheaper cities she might find fun, you can probably find an even better compromise!
Obviously, all human compromise cannot be precisely quantified. But the point is that when weighing whether something would be a good idea, you
must take the other person's preferences and feelings into account. If you don't know about her priorities, ask! Don't make an executive decision in your head, talk through problems and potential solutions to come up with a compromise that works for both of you! If you don't, well, I guess you're not a bad
person, but you're probably kind of an inconsiderate boyfriend, IMO. But, these things can be changed with practice. :)
All of this is assuming that a Weekend Away is actually affordable, just not ideally optimized. If you truly can't afford it, I think you approach it from "I'm really sorry, I can't afford that. Can we do [something else thoughtful she'd like instead]?"