Alternatives to television for parents at our house?

[jo552006]

My DW and I have an older smallish (by today's standards) TV.  We have yet to put it in a main living area in our new house.  (It's downstairs for when cousins come over as I like playing Wii games with them)  95% of the time I am very happy without this.  If my wife and I want to watch something, we share the ipad but even if we didn't have an ipad, we would still be okay with not having a TV distracting from our Fireplace and family room.

My in-laws were over last weekend, and at about 6:30pm we were all sitting around.  Ipads, iphones, and boredom was happening.  I realized that if we have a TV set up in a comfortable location (not the basement), we'd put on a movie and make popcorn and enjoy it, but since we don't everybody is having a less enjoyable time visiting.

What alternatives in this situation have people come up with?  I have gotten a LOT of flak from both sets of parents about not caring about other people as a lash out against the decision to not set up a TV for them.  This may have a ring of truth to it, but too many times the TV becomes the focus of large groups of people by default and that's not what we want for our house.  Also, the more somebody tries to manipulate me into doing something, the less I want to give in.

*Note that in-laws do not play games, at all
*Also note that we did enough this day we were not up to starting new projects or the like
*Finally note that our room is NOT set up well for a TV.  If we could easily cover it up with a picture or cabinet, we would, but there is no "good" place for a television that wouldn't be a focal point of an otherwise beautiful room

The only good solution I have had is to eventually make another TV space that is comfortable and enjoyable.  Possibly a movie theater, or at least a big TV with comfy seats.  That would take the TV from the "default" into a chosen activity as it wouldn't be in the main family space.  If somebody needed to stream another episode from Netflix that bad they would be free to do so, but would have to be CHOOSING to ignore family for tV.  Eventually I'd like to do something like this, but for now we don't have anything set up.

[PathtoFIRE]

My first thought to your question is a projector and screen. Easily kept out of the way, and screens can be placed in areas that would be normally inconvenient at other times of the day.

[jo552006]

I have been thinking this as well, but was wondering how much effort it would be to set up and take down.  It does meet all my wants and only requires the purchase of a projector and screen.  I'd love to hear from somebody on how this is used in practice.

Oh, I also remembered we do have a hot tub, it's just not hooked up yet.  We'd have been in that if it were hooked up.

[sokoloff]

We have ours over the fireplace, angled down. When the family wants to watch something, we can sit/lay on the couches and do so.

Most guests we have over, we are more likely to talk with the TV off in there, sometimes with a fire going, so the presence of the TV itself is not a mood/conversation killer. It only sucks when you want 8+ people to watch a show or ballgame. (The angle is a little tough for people to sit sideways on the couch and watch. We have two long couches perpendicular to the fireplace/TV with a coffee table in between and additional chairs farther away than the table. Family flopping all over each other and laying down works well. Adults unrelated/not dating are much less interested in doing that.)

I hear you on not buying a TV and decorating at a guest's demand; I'd do it if I wanted to, or offer to help the unsatisfied find their keys and car to fix their unhappiness.

[NextTime]

We don't have a TV in our living room either.  We have one in the master bedroom, the family room downstairs, and the workout room.  The one in the family room is rarely used because my 6 year-old doesn't watch a lot of TV but when he does we just turn it on in our room. The basement tv is more for visiting guests and when we occasionally play xbox.

If they were just visiting for the night I don't see why a TV would be necessary, though my dad always has to have a TV on, especially when he goes to sleep. It's not the most portable thing, but I would recommend one of the TCL roku TVs if you really need something. It's very light and all you need to do is carry it in, put it on a table, and plug it in (you have to put it on the network the first time of course).  Below is the one I got for my exercise room. There are larger sizes if you need them but 32" should be perfect for your needs.  It has roku built in so no need to buy a box, and the interface is just like a roku. I love it. I also have an old apple tv hooked up to it so i can use airplay from iphone/ipad.

https://www.amazon.com/TCL-32S305-32-Inch-Smart-Model/dp/B01MU1GBLL/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1504016701&sr=8-3&keywords=tcl+roku
 

[I'm a red panda]

Leave?

I can't imagine the gaul of complaining about lack of entertainment at someone else's house.  There is NO WAY I would buy a TV for guests.


More useful suggestions:
- You play games, they can join if they want. It's their issue, not yours, if they can't play well with others.
-Go downstairs and play Wii
-Fire pit outdoors
-Sit outdoors and chat
-Go for a walk
-Have a conversation
-Cook a meal together (make something involved)
-Do a puzzle


What is the purpose of their visit? They can't possibly be there just to watch TV right? If you are just done talking to each other, sit and play on your devices/read books. Boredom isn't a bad thing, adults can handle downtime. My parents sometimes just do that when they are at my house and we have a giant TV.

[Dollar Slice]

I have the opposite problem... when I visit my family they always want to watch TV in the evenings, and I *hate* it. I would much rather sit around with a glass of wine or tea or something and talk to the family members I'm visiting, instead of us all ignoring each other to stare at passive entertainment. Sometimes I'll be having a great conversation with someone, and then someone else turns on the TV and we start getting Looks because we're making too much noise while the TV is on. It takes over the room by default. I would rather just go home at that point.

Other possibilities: play a board game, play a party game, play cards, work on a puzzle, go out for ice cream, go for a walk, listen to (or make) music, do craft projects for charitable purposes, bake something that everyone can take home.

If people are dead-set on passive entertainment, you could find some cool old radio shows to listen to.

I kind of have a feeling that the "we demand television and won't play games" people are just TV addicts, though... :-/

[jo552006]

dcozad999

Great idea.  This is cheap enough too.  Since it's obviously out of place, it would come out when we wanted to, and then go bye bye.  I'm really digging on this idea.

They are family, and 1/2 of them travel to see us.  They're the only people allowed to give us a hard time on stuff like that; they are our parents.  We will never kick them out unless they were acting in a way FAR more disrespectful than complaining about the entertainment.  In this particular instance, it was me who though it'd be nice to sit and stream a movie were the option available, but in the past we've been quite insulted for the TV thing.

[NextTime]

Leave?

I can't imagine the gaul of complaining about lack of entertainment at someone else's house.  There is NO WAY I would buy a TV for guests.


More useful suggestions:
- You play games, they can join if they want. It's their issue, not yours, if they can't play well with others.
-Go downstairs and play Wii
-Fire pit outdoors
-Sit outdoors and chat
-Go for a walk
-Have a conversation
-Cook a meal together (make something involved)
-Do a puzzle


What is the purpose of their visit? They can't possibly be there just to watch TV right? If you are just done talking to each other, sit and play on your devices/read books. Boredom isn't a bad thing, adults can handle downtime. My parents sometimes just do that when they are at my house and we have a giant TV.

This is his and his spouse's parents, not some random friends they invited over.

[robartsd]

We have our desktop computer in the corner of our living room that doubles as a TV (actually a 22" TV functions as the monitor). A tuner card allows us to time-shift TV which is very convinient. We'd like to get a projector and have a screen we can pull down in front of the wide window, but that's not a high enough priority yet. Occasionally we like to watch something together with guests, but much more often we like to play a game.

[I'm a red panda]

Leave?

I can't imagine the gaul of complaining about lack of entertainment at someone else's house.  There is NO WAY I would buy a TV for guests.


More useful suggestions:
- You play games, they can join if they want. It's their issue, not yours, if they can't play well with others.
-Go downstairs and play Wii
-Fire pit outdoors
-Sit outdoors and chat
-Go for a walk
-Have a conversation
-Cook a meal together (make something involved)
-Do a puzzle


What is the purpose of their visit? They can't possibly be there just to watch TV right? If you are just done talking to each other, sit and play on your devices/read books. Boredom isn't a bad thing, adults can handle downtime. My parents sometimes just do that when they are at my house and we have a giant TV.

This is his and his spouse's parents, not some random friends they invited over.

I'm aware of what in-laws are.  I'm not sure how that should change my suggestions.  Those are things I do with my parents and my in-laws.  I'm assuming friends wouldn't have this issue, as you usually have a shared interest with friends, and often don't have that many shared interests with parents.

We don't use a TV when my daughter is awake. Which often means my in-laws sit staring at devices, because they require a screen at all times and the idea of no TV is baffling.  If they truly cannot handle that (especially to the point they are complaining I won't go out to BUY one)- they don't need to continue the visit. Hotels have TVs if my house isn't suitable for them.  I wouldn't kick them out, but it's their choice.

[NoStacheOhio]

Is there a white(ish) wall? If not, can you string a sheet across a wall/somewhere in the room? Scrounge a projector and some speakers, hook it up to a laptop/dvd player/playstation/wii/whatever and go to town! Toss it in a closet when not in use. We used to love doing movie nights on our enclosed patio at our last house.

[NextTime]

I guess we all treat family differently.

My parents did a lot for me, raising me, boarding me, feeding me, putting me through school, etc. etc. etc.
If all it takes is buying a freaking TV to make their stay a little more pleasant to them, well that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to kick them down the road to a hotel. I think I owe them that much.

[I'm a red panda]

Re-reading the intro (that there was already another activity that day)- guess I don't see the problem with everyone playing on their own Ipad.

I'll buy the foods my guests prefer, make sure to keep their preferences in mind when I put out the shampoos and soaps in the bathroom. Heck, I even make sure to borrow a coffee maker from a neighbor because my Dad can't figure ours out. But buying a TV? What do I do with the TV for the 350 days a year they aren't visiting?

[NextTime]

Consider it a gift?

[Frankies Girl]

First thing, as long as you provide basic comfort and amenities for guests, it's your house and they should be aware that you don't "do" television in the main room the way they're used to. I assume they are not visiting you to catch up on their movies and shows. One of the BIG keys at MMM is not holding rooms or buying expensive things like electronics or cars for the usage of guests that will only be visiting for a small percentage of time. It is YOUR house, you don't have to provide things that you yourself aren't going to enjoy having in there 100% of the time.

And in my case, I'd likely tell them (nicely) that if they don't like my house, there is a perfectly lovely hotel located at X where I'm sure they would be more comfortable.

But it really sounds like the issue is that you and your spouse started ignoring them by using the handheld stuff, so they started wanting to watch television (which is their generation's distraction). Both of you turning your attentions exclusively to your phones/tablets is kind of rude to guests that are unable to find anything else to entertain themselves with. So start by taking a hard look at how you treat your guests and maybe make adjustments (like no electronic devices while in the living area with guests that don't also have them and enjoy using).

You could have put on some music and provided some snacks and chatted for a bit and then asked them what they wanted to do with the rest of the evening.

Suggest also having the option of card and a few well-known board games - even if they don't play, they might when given the opportunity if you and spouse also enjoy them - tabletop games are super awesome ways to spend time together as a family and NOT be glued to an electronic device/idiotbox.

Also if you have any books to read, point them out, so if they felt the need to do something solitary, they had that option.

And you could have also invited them downstairs to watch television - either with you or without. It isn't as if you have no television in the house; it just isn't right there to provide an instant distraction when the conversation wanes or you and the spouse start playing on your devices.

The key here is to provide the options as a host, ask them first what they'd like to do, then make a few suggestions (convo, games, books, television in the basement).

BUT if they just want to sit there and complain about the accommodations, then that's the point where you politely stand up, yawn and say "Oh goodness, look at the time! I've been up since the crack of dawn and I'm just exhausted and need to hit the hay... so lovely to see you both and I look forward to spending the day with you again soon!" and exit, stage left (go to your bedroom and play on your tablet/phone to your heart's content and let the spouse that is the child of said parents deal with entertaining the stick-in-the-mud parents). 

But if the easiest solution to stop the fussing is to provide a television in the main room AND you really really REALLY don't care about storing something and can find it cheaply, I'm sure you could find a small flat screen television that wouldn't take up much space to store and can be hooked up easily. They make 20-30 inch TVs that are as light and portable as a computer screen now - you could buy and store one easily that could be popped on a spare table or even a dining chair and set up in the main room if you feel the need to have a television right there for whatever.

[Goldielocks]

Get a free tv and put it in the bedroom that they are staying in.

Definitely plan evening activities -- social hour, maybe a cooking together (for dinner or for future batch cooking, or cookies), a group craft or project? take a walk?  Go out to watch the stars?  What would you normally do in the evenings other than the iPad?

Otherwise, the sheet / movie projector (if you can borrow / free) sounds like fun for days when guests come over, and you remove it.  Outside movies can be fun.

[JanF]

My in-laws were over last weekend, and at about 6:30pm we were all sitting around.  Ipads, iphones, and boredom was happening.

Sounds like you're not being a very entertaining host (no offense). What are your in laws suppose to do when you and your DW turn to your iPads and ignoring them?

What alternatives in this situation have people come up with?  I have gotten a LOT of flak from both sets of parents about not caring about other people as a lash out against the decision to not set up a TV for them.  This may have a ring of truth to it, but too many times the TV becomes the focus of large groups of people by default and that's not what we want for our house

What about a temporary set up for when people come over? Modern TV and cellphones/iPads have the ability to sync so you can have whatever you're watching on the iPad and "cast" it to the big TV and everyone can watch.

[HipGnosis]

It was rude of you to selfishly stop 'visiting' with them and take out your i-pad/phone/whatnot.
It's arrogant to do what you normally do when you have company that doesn't (or can't) do what you normally do.
Bad host.

What are you talking about 'setup a TV'?!?   I can carry my 24" TV under one arm.  It just needs the power plugged into an outlet and DVD player or the antenna plugged into the TV.  Can be done on one, or two adjacent flat surfaces.
And TVs are so cheap these days.  Esp for one you're not going to run 18 hrs a day.

Your actions are saying "we don't want older people visiting us in our house".  Totally disrespectful.     

[jo552006]

Wow, the assumptions on this thread are mind-boggling.  Does everyone honestly think that we just ignore our guests?  I was pretty confident I didn't say that in the beginning, but it's amazing how things build momentum on their own.  MIL is hooked on Candy Crush and Pet Rescue.  She had been playing for hours... this is after dinner, and both our fathers (mine came over) had gone for a walk.  It was dark enough to not be outside, but too early for bed.  I guess I could have been more specific, that it was MIL on ipad, wife reading, and myself switching between ipad (because I was bored) and trying to come up with other things to do.  FIL was reading his newspaper.

WRT

But it really sounds like the issue is that you and your spouse started ignoring them by using the handheld stuff, so they started wanting to watch television (which is their generation's distraction). Both of you turning your attentions exclusively to your phones/tablets is kind of rude to guests that are unable to find anything else to entertain themselves with. So start by taking a hard look at how you treat your guests and maybe make adjustments (like no electronic devices while in the living area with guests that don't also have them and enjoy using).

I would guess this is an age based assumption... and in this case is horribly mistaken.  Damn ipad doesn't leave MIL's side.  I personally hate when people ignore the world around them for the technological one in their pocket/purse.

As far a this

My in-laws were over last weekend, and at about 6:30pm we were all sitting around.  Ipads, iphones, and boredom was happening.

Sounds like you're not being a very entertaining host (no offense). What are your in laws suppose to do when you and your DW turn to your iPads and ignoring them?

Seriously when did I actually imply we were the issue.  It's hard to entertain people who don't play games in a house that we recently moved into as the fire pit, and hot tub are not yet set up.  (specifically, we didn't have any wood and need to empty the fire pit)

@HipGnosis... where do I start.  I'm pretty sure it's rude to assume but either way, there was no lack of trying to host.  I was trying to avoid the inevitable everybody in their own electronic world situation.  Eventually ended up drinking heavily with FIL which actually made our night better.  MIL kept playing ipad until bed, and honestly I'm not sure what my wife did.

Things I tried:
I actually downloaded Family Feud to play together as a family... nobody interested.
Offerred cards... nobody interested
Pictionary... you get the message
I did not even bother with more complex games like Cards against humanity, or killer bunnies as they've literally no interest in playing, but my game closet is far from lacking.
Drinking with FIL, at least we were both having fun.  Captain Morgan's 100 proof.  In my defense... I did tell him early on not to underestimate the stuff...


I came here because I couldn't help but think that IF we had a TV in a convienent location, we'd probably all have been watching a movie and eating popcorn together as a family.  Granted, not the most wholesome experience in the world, but in this case it was better than everybody being in their own world.  I'm really loving the idea on one of the other threads (accidentally made 3) of just getting a smart TV so all I need is a power cord and a place to set it.  I already know what room it could go in when we're not using it.

[mxt0133]

The saying "There is no such thing a boredom, only boring people", comes to mind.  Even if your guests are bored so what?  What's wrong with being bored for bit?

Like most have said they are you guests and if they come over to visit it's to enjoy each other's company and not sit in front of the TV.  They can do that at home.

I got rid of my TV about 7 years ago and when guest come over we actually talk to each other while eating dinner or playing games.  When family comes over we have tablets and a computer if they really want some down time, but most of the time we spend it talking.  I find that is forces us to go out and do something instead of sitting at home.

My SIL did get us a small TV last year, which we put in the corner and it's only hooked up to Netflix.  So it doesn't really get much use.

[Cranky]

Do they need/want to be entertained, or were they happy as is? When I'm at my dd's house, I'm perfectly happy to amuse myself and just be there.

Otherwise, I'd suggest focusing on making the downstairs/basement tv more comfortable, so you can go down there to watch a movie together if you want.

[2Cent]

If they are all glued to their phones/pads then you could try some mobile party games. I got Fibbage(http://jackboxgames.com/project/fibbage/) on a steam sale and after forcing my guests to play one game, everyone loved it so much they played all evening. I ran it off a laptop on a coffee table so you don't need a TV for it.

[WhiteTrashCash]

You could pick up a Roku box for cheap on eBay or Amazon and have that available for Netflix, etc. I have one of those in the guest room at our house and it does a good job of serving the needs of people who need doses of the ol' electronic tranquilizer.

[Miss Piggy]

I find it kind of mind boggling that someone would simply decide to NEVER play games. Odd... I mean there are a bazillion game options, and surely there are a few these people would enjoy? They like their electronics, so how about trying a game such as Heads Up? Lots of categories, so something for everyone. If a few people were to start playing, might the refusers observe the fun and eventually give in?

Thinking about it a bit more... The refuser in my family is my mother. She never plays a game with the rest of us... Always finds something else to do.

[Heroes821]

I find it kind of mind boggling that someone would simply decide to NEVER play games. Odd... I mean there are a bazillion game options, and surely there are a few these people would enjoy? They like their electronics, so how about trying a game such as Heads Up? Lots of categories, so something for everyone. If a few people were to start playing, might the refusers observe the fun and eventually give in?

Thinking about it a bit more... The refuser in my family is my mother. She never plays a game with the rest of us... Always finds something else to do.

I'm so not jumping into the hostility of this thread, but to Miss Piggy specifically, I know a lot of people who grew up in the Monopoly is the only board game (maybe uno counts) crowd and everytime I bring up a cool game like Zombiecide, cards against humanity, ticket to ride, settlers of catan, etc. They go board games are boring no thanks.

Won't even ask what a game is about first.

[NoStacheOhio]

I find it kind of mind boggling that someone would simply decide to NEVER play games. Odd... I mean there are a bazillion game options, and surely there are a few these people would enjoy? They like their electronics, so how about trying a game such as Heads Up? Lots of categories, so something for everyone. If a few people were to start playing, might the refusers observe the fun and eventually give in?

Thinking about it a bit more... The refuser in my family is my mother. She never plays a game with the rest of us... Always finds something else to do.

I'm so not jumping into the hostility of this thread, but to Miss Piggy specifically, I know a lot of people who grew up in the Monopoly is the only board game (maybe uno counts) crowd and everytime I bring up a cool game like Zombiecide, cards against humanity, ticket to ride, settlers of catan, etc. They go board games are boring no thanks.

Won't even ask what a game is about first.

It took us months to get my wife's cousin to play Ticket to Ride with us, and now she's obsessed with winning it. It's kind of funny.

[bognish]

I would prefer to never play games. Especially game nights or party games. There is always someone in the group who is a sore loser and someone who is hype competitive, like we are paying a life and death scenario. I could see if you get together with the same people every week or more, games would be something different. I usually get dragged to game nights by my wife. If the people are not interesting enough to spend a night talking to I would rather go home than play a game. I have almost made it through the whole summer without getting roped into a BBQ game of corn hole or bocce. Getting excited or mad about your ability to throw a small object across the yard compared to the guy who lives next door makes about as much sense as taking pride in how well a bunch of 20 year old kids pay football at a school you went to 20 years ago.

We have the TV in the basement set up. It rarely gets used. When my parents stay with us for a week evening conversation is the entertainment. My inlaws are local. When they get bored after dinner they go home. If you are hanging around my house so long we don't have anything to talk about maybe you have stayed too long.

[katscratch]

I borrowed a TV and ROKU from a friend after the first night of extended family (that I don't know well and who were very challenging personalities) staying for a week and realizing that their evening routines were set in stone -- it was either procure a television or suggest they move to a motel, as my blood alcohol content was already at a daily high ;)

[historienne]

I would prefer to never play games. Especially game nights or party games. There is always someone in the group who is a sore loser and someone who is hype competitive, like we are paying a life and death scenario.

If you are roped into a game night in the future, you might try a co-operative game.  We like Pandemic.

[Poundwise]

Jigsaw puzzle?

How about get out some old photo albums and ask questions about family history?

[NoStacheOhio]

I would prefer to never play games. Especially game nights or party games. There is always someone in the group who is a sore loser and someone who is hype competitive, like we are paying a life and death scenario.

If you are roped into a game night in the future, you might try a co-operative game.  We like Pandemic.

We just had a game night with some new friends (who are huge game nuts), and they introduced us to Concept, which was a riot.

https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/147151/concept

[galliver]

So, I find the description a little ambiguous, but it sounds like they were staying the night?

I want to propose the possibility that you were the only one bored or feeling like you had to do something together. They may well have been perfectly happy to play candy crush and read independently, and enjoy the togetherness without forcing interaction. Sometimes that can be really enjoyable at the end of a full day. Once you did your duty as host and suggested some alternatives, and they indicated they preferred their current activities, it was time to find a book or game of your own.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[mm1970]

Eh, well, let them use the iPad?

Crafts, coloring, puzzles, games (you can play without them), books, music.

I kind of let family do what they want when they visit (they rarely stay with us, however, and we do have a TV).  If the kids/ adults want to watch you tube videos on their phones or whatever, all in different rooms, have at it.

[Retire-Canada]

My in-laws were over last weekend, and at about 6:30pm we were all sitting around.  Ipads, iphones, and boredom was happening. 

Forget the TV. I would try talking to each other. Presumably you folks can maintain a conversation for a couple hours without a screen to stare at? If you need help board games would be my next move.

We regularly have folks over for 3-6hrs at a stretch and we don't have a TV room where we can gather. I haven't bothered with the board games although we own some. We just sit around and chat with each other because the whole point of getting together was to socialize.

BTW - when my dad [a TV addict] came to visit for a week he got over the lack of a TV + cable after a day and started actually talking to us since there was no other form of entertainment for him as he doesn't use the internet.

[dreams_and_discoveries]

I've been TV free foe a long time, probably nearly 10 years.

I make guests talk to me!

[jo552006]

So, I find the description a little ambiguous, but it sounds like they were staying the night?

I want to propose the possibility that you were the only one bored or feeling like you had to do something together. They may well have been perfectly happy to play candy crush and read independently, and enjoy the togetherness without forcing interaction. Sometimes that can be really enjoyable at the end of a full day. Once you did your duty as host and suggested some alternatives, and they indicated they preferred their current activities, it was time to find a book or game of your own.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

This is quite possibly the case.  As stated earlier though, IF we had a TV around (even if temporary) we would definitely have all been watching a movie and eating popcorn as we enjoy doing that as a family, and at least personally I'd have had a better time.  I think I'm pretty set for now, but eventually will get a smart TV and move it when we want to watch a movie.  This is until I set up an actual theater of sorts in the basement or attic.