Love my DW, it has been great all along the way and we have been successful because we have worked together toward goals, compromised when needed, and just worked hard. A lot of this success can be attributed to different but generally complimentary traits such as introvert/extrovert, stoic/whimsical, put your head down and get to the goal/have more fun along the way.
But the FIRE thing, this mix is tough. Don't get me wrong, she is all fore the RE part. But to do that would require being more mindful about our spending than currently are, and she views that as restrictive. This is mostly attributed to a couple of things:
1. living in a typical middle/upper-middle class area where it is all about the normal consumer sucka stuff - I have no problem saying no to going out to an expensive restaurant or whatever whereas to her it is part of being involved with friends/community. I understand her view but math is math....have 10 friends and each wants to go out here and there it gets expensive quickly. We do have people over and so do other people but the primary way to connect with friends is to go out...its tough. I am sure you can tell by the tone that I am the introvert - so not doing any of that crap is a win for me two ways.
2. facebook effect - why doesn't anybody ever post bad shit, its always look at me, at what I have, and where I am travelling.
3. She/we grew up without much so she feels we worked hard and deserve it whereas for me it resulted in I don't ever want to be in a financial quagmire.
We are aligned in many ways, even with FIRE for the most part - its just this little nagging issue that gets in the way. To be clear she is not a ridiculous spender, we are talking on the margins here and what many would put in the category of fun money, which I am ok with but something else would have to be sacrificed/maximized.
I also take responsibility for being conservative/worrier (consistent with my other posts I would much rather rely on 3% than 4% SWR). Based on last 12 months spending we are at about 4% but there is a lot of fluff in that number including home renovations/upgrades that if backed out would put us at 3.5% but you know that was actual spending and there always seems to be something. We also live in moderate COL with high property taxes and kids are in some pricy activities - once they are out of the nest all that goes away so there is long term cushion in there too. This causes her concern
Basically it comes down to we FIRE but she has to buy a bit more into MMM way (which is BTW nowhere close to MMM in reality) or she works whatever is needed to support her wants, which would bother me and makes it hard for me to walk away. We are partners in this and best friends, so I can't and won't tell her its my way - as with everything we have to compromise and find a solution that works for both of us.
Anybody go through this? What worked/didn't?