Author Topic: Advice please - hate where I live  (Read 1769 times)

Latebloomer in NY

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Advice please - hate where I live
« on: April 21, 2018, 12:06:04 PM »
Hi I'd love to get some advice from the community. I live in the suburbs of New York in a crappy, small overpriced house with high taxes (high to me at least, about 16K year), tiny plot of land (.10 of an acre). The neighbors don't even look up at each other let alone say hello. After this long, cold spring I'm at my breaking point.

My dilemma is I have a 7th grader who loves his school and his friends, and a 10th grader who could take it or leave it. I'd love to move somewhere warm, ideally within biking distance to a beach. However, I'm not sure if I could pull the 7th grader out of school.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly, but would love to hear from anyone who has faced a similar circumstance. Thank you in advance for any and all suggestions.

Trifele

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2018, 12:20:31 PM »
Batsignal out to @soccerluvof4 , who I believe is making a big move with kids and may be able to weigh in.

We moved cross country two years ago with kids who were then 10 and 13, and it went well.  But that depends on so many factors -- the personality of the kids, how much they want (or don't want) to move, and what things they are into (sports and activities can provide an automatic way to 'plug in' to a new community.) 

Have you traveled with the kids to check out some potential locations?  Might be a way to test the waters.


Laserjet3051

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2018, 12:39:11 PM »
you should be aware that I live within biking distance to an incredibly beautiful beach, one of the nicest in the nation imho. That said, taxes here are very high, the land plot i rent is tiny, and most importantly, neighbors here NEVER look up make eye contact, or say hello. So be forewarned, your current circumstances are also present in other locales as well.

ChpBstrd

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2018, 12:52:57 PM »
I was thinking the Carolinas, but then again it isn't necessarily an improvement when the locals look you in the eye while using racial slurs in casual conversation. Prepare for a culture shock.

Latebloomer in NY

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2018, 02:50:00 PM »
Thank you. We have not traveled with the kids to look at other towns, but that's a great idea. Thank you.

lbmustache

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2018, 02:58:54 PM »
What exactly is "biking distance" (<20mi? <10mi?) to the beach... when I think of "close to the beach" I think HCOL - however I live in California where anything and everything coastal is expensive. Coastal Texas for example, might be a bit cheaper.

I would try to move over the summer months to make transitioning easier. I know the 7th grader is attached, but assuming you find a good school in a new location, it's not impossible to start a new life with new friends. I dunno how school grade levels work at the schools in your area, but a move after 8th grade might mean he could start 9th grade (9th-12th grade is HS in my area) "fresh," like almost everyone else.

Like it was mentioned, crappy/unfriendly neighbors are everywhere. You will need to do research on the neighborhood beforehand. Things like block parties, community yard sales, etc. will usually be indicators of a tight-knit, friendly neighborhood. *Sometimes* few home sales can also be an indicator - if everyone has lived there for awhile, they probably know one another (but make sure it isn't like, every home is vacant or rented out, etc.).

Carrie

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2018, 03:57:34 PM »
Look for a neighborhood with a range of ages - young families just starting out all the way to retired folks. Notice if anyone is out walking dogs/ exercising during the day. Are people tending yards or playing on a beautiful weekend day? Is there a neighborhood park or pool? How much interaction do you notice in common areas? Is it in a good school district?

Even though we're suburban, our neighborhood is fantastic.  I attribute that to a range of house sizes, from 1800 sf to 3500 sf, ($180,000 - $410,000) a range of family ages / sizes, community space, and neighborhood groups. We have an active garden club, a kids activity committee, and maybe a few other things. Every morning I see the same retirees out walking their dogs.  Our kids have friends in walkable distance. I'm developing a network of ladies in the neighborhood who are SAHM or who work part time for a little day time socialization for me.

We're also one of the cheapest neighborhoods in our zip code, so it seems to me many neighbors are down to earth people. 

Beach_Stache

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2018, 07:10:32 AM »
We moved from DC to Va Beach about 5 years ago with 2 kids (4 & 2) and one in the oven.  We moved then b/c we knew we wanted to and before we had firmly set roots.  I think at that age it's a lot more tricky and you have to gauge the personality of the kids and if they make friends quickly, will adjust to their new surroundings, etc.  I felt the weight off of my shoulders when we moved, and I have to go back to DC every quarter for work.  It's good to visit but not to live, now I look at that area and I go "how did we do it".  I do the same work for the same company but the quality of life is much better, we can really exhale and enjoy the slower pace.  I think at that age though if you are really concerned about the kids then maybe travel around a bit and see what they think about the area and living there.  Kids make new friends and adjust, I imagine they'll be fine.  Good luck!

Villanelle

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2018, 07:46:29 AM »
My husband is in the military so we are surrounded by kids of all ages that switch schools anywhere from every few years to more than once per year.  I was also a military kid until Junior High (my sister until high school).  My sister and I were fine, as are all the kids around us, our friends' kids, etc.  (We don't have kids.) 

What might help is ensuring that the exact school they end up in has any activities that are really important to them.  What seems to be hardest around here for the older kids is when they are really into gymnastics and they end up at an overseas location that doesn't have gymnastics classes, or when the varsity football player moves to Bahrain where there is no football team, or the east coast kid moves to CA and doesn't have lacrosse available to him. Or model UN or debate or whatever.  Perhaps a promise that you will make sure they can each continue a favorite activity (especially the older kid) would help smooth the path.  Also, a move in the very early summer and getting the kids involved in activities that will help them meet kids from their school can help.  Lastly, contact the schools (once you have a location) to find out about dates for try outs for that team or club to make sure your son doesn't miss them. 

Also, plenty of parents offer carrots.  They new house will have a pool or they can get a dog because they will have a larger yard or whatever you think might work for your kid. 

soccerluvof4

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2018, 03:07:22 AM »
Batsignal out to @soccerluvof4 , who I believe is making a big move with kids and may be able to weigh in.

We moved cross country two years ago with kids who were then 10 and 13, and it went well.  But that depends on so many factors -- the personality of the kids, how much they want (or don't want) to move, and what things they are into (sports and activities can provide an automatic way to 'plug in' to a new community.) 

Have you traveled with the kids to check out some potential locations?  Might be a way to test the waters.








While our move with the kids from the midwest to NC for various reasons fell apart, mostly because I just didnt have the time frame to get done for up coming season with 2 others in college, I would agree the biggest factor is the kids themselves. Mine were not on board and that changes when we got them excited by including them more in the process and seeing what it would be like to move. Seventh grade is a good time to move and they should adjust fine imho.

OccamsPhaco

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Re: Advice please - hate where I live
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2018, 08:52:04 AM »
Making a 2500 mile move across the country in about 3 months. Our kids will be 8 and 9 when we leave. They're finishing up 2nd and 3rd grade, and we're making the move this summer, so they'll start next year at their new school. They both cried quite a bit the night that we told them (about 3 months ago), but it was just that first day, and they've been fine since then. We've done everything possible to get them excited and involved, and I think it will go well. Junior high or high school would seemingly be more difficult, based on my own memories of being that age. But lots of people do it, and they probably come out of it better at meeting new people. I attended the same school in the same small town from age 3 to 18, and college was a shock to say the least. Looking back, I probably hung out too much with my old friends in college and should have made an effort to meet new people.