Thank you for all the insights! We will go and take your ideas with us!
Re: cooking DH will help a lot and while I'll wind up leading most of the dinners we can go simple. MIL isn't that into cooking (or eating, gasp) and really burned out after having to take care of her parents in their older years for a decade.
There isn't any unspoken drama or tension, they are just family and can be a bit exhausting but I agree that it is important to go and with a good frame of mind.
I agree with everyone else. Go.
We live on the opposite coast from our families. We've managed to come up with a system - we travel to visit them once every 2 years for 2 weeks. Drive 2 hours to nearest large airport. Park car for 2 weeks. Fly in to nearest airport, beg for a ride home from the airport (2 hr drive) spend a week with my family. Beg a ride to the rental car place 2.5 hours away, rent a car and drive the rest of the 7 hours to his family. Spend a week, fly home. Retrieve car. Drive home.
It is a mixture of relaxing and not relaxing.
Not:
- During my family week, I end up doing all the cooking. Not only for just my family of four, but also the parent we are visiting AND relatives who "happen" to show up.
- Endless visits to other relatives.
- Figuring out what to eat when I'm at the in-laws, because I have a few food sensitivities and I hate to be a bother. (I end up eating a LOT of instant oatmeal.)
- Uh...live in SO at one of the stops - we just don't get along. They aren't a fan of kids. I have kids!
Fun:
- Letting the kids spend time with cousins.
- Choosing to NOT do "all the visits" (sorry aunt Jane!) some of the time. (Last trip to visit my family, we literally spent the entire week with my nieces, and took them on all sorts of adventures.)
- Visiting my one stepparent (who lives alone - I KNOW he loves these visits) and seeing the in-laws and their SO's. Everyone is in their 70s.
- Siblings!!
I also think it's important to make sure you have your "space". At my family's, our family of 4 shares one large bedroom, and it's kind of the escape spot when you need quiet. At in-laws, we have a bedroom and the kids do too. Same thing there - it prevents us from getting on everyone's nerves.