At a life crossroads and have no plan

[Cool Friend]

STATS
35 years old
single
no kids
non-homeowner
20k in cash savings
20k in retirement account
no debt

So I need a change in my life and I’m not sure where to begin. I’ve been at my job as a personal assistant for almost 4 years. The work itself is somewhat tolerable, but the boss is really noxious, and I told myself I’d quit after I paid off my student loans this summer. But I’ve put almost no effort in looking for a job, because as soon as I start looking at listings, I’m filled with this awful dread.

My resume is full mostly of administration/secretarial-type work, and I really don’t want to do it anymore. I’m not even particularly good at it, either, I just took whatever jobs I could to pay the bills while going after an artistic pursuit that didn't go anywhere (I’ve given up on attaining that professionally and honestly I barely like doing it even for fun anymore).  I look at job listings for things my resume says I’m qualified for, and I get nauseous imagining the cover letters and interviews—I don’t think I can feign interest, let alone enthusiasm any longer, and I suspect that will be visible to employer candidates.

I feel stuck. My field of passion is burnt out of me, and my field of professional experience is something I just can’t do anymore. I feel like I have to start all over again, but I don’t know where or how. I don't want to take out loans for another degree right after I finally crawled out from under debt.  I fantasize about taking a sabbatical, but I still have to pay rent and groceries and stuff. I don’t have parents I can move back in with to take the pressure off, and I don’t want my savings to evaporate while I sit around waiting for an idea to strike. I’ve been feeling this way since a year into this job and I’m no closer to an answer than I was then. I don’t think I can think my way out of this one.  When I tell my loved ones about it, they ask, “well, what do you want to do,” and there’s just nothing inside me to answer them with.

TLDR
my life has no discernible direction and I don’t know where to go or what to do. I know no one else but me is going to have the answer, but I just needed to get this out.

[Watchmaker]

You're right. None of us can answer that question for you, but we can commiserate, encourage, and brainstorm with you. I'd advise thinking about what parts of your current job do you not mind, and which parts do you really hate. Look for positions that have more of the former and less of the latter.

Do you like being outside? Do you like dealing with people?

Also, where do you live and are you open to moving? How much do you earn now/how much would you be satisfied earning?

Have you liked any jobs you've had in the past? What is your education in?

[Cool Friend]

I've been living in NYC since college and I do think about moving a lot.  As everyone knows it's a very HCOL area and the constant stimulation grates on me. I'm a little intimidated by moving because 1) my only family and most of my strong, long-term friendships live here, and 2) I've never lived anywhere else as an adult and don't know how I'd adjust.  It's definitely something I consider, though, it would just mean pulling up very deep roots.

I earn 60k gross and that is comfortable for me, partially because I still live with roommates (a big part of why I think about moving--I'm a pretty solitary person and would like to live alone, but if I do that in this city I can kiss my healthy savings rate goodbye). In an ideal scenario, I'd like to keep my income/expenses similar to what they are now, because I don't want for much and I save at a pretty good clip.

I have a BFA (yayyy picking a major at 17) and focused on music composition, performance, production, mixing, and engineering. I still occasionally get a freelance gig but I think the most profitable year I ever had was like $800.

I love being outside and I dislike dealing with people, though weirdly I'm pretty good at it.  Actually my favorite part of my current job is being outside running errands by myself, and the dreaded part is doing office-type stuff (filing, writing emails, scheduling, etc) with my boss.

I had a minimum wage job as a teenager in a little music store, it was fun maintaining the instruments and listening to music all day. Another time I was an unpaid volunteer at a media archive, and I would just put on headphones and file things away for a few hours every day.  It was meditative and slow-paced, which I liked.

[mozar]

The fact that you know the answer is inside of you is a very good start.
There a lot of books you can read like quitter by jon acuff.
Ted talks too. Just google phrases like "what should I do with my life"
I also used to feel nauseous when I read the jobs section. I'm not saying this is your problem but I found that getting treatment for anxiety separately helped me feel less stressed when I looked at job listings.
What kinds of activities did you like as a child? What hobbies do you have? What helped me was trying ALL of things I liked. I enjoyed DJ ing for a friend once so i tried to be a professional DJ. That failed. I liked taking pictures so I tried to be a professional photographer which also didn't work out. I started piano lessons because I love jazz piano. It turns out it takes 10+ years to learn how to play the piano so ill have to get back to you on that. I got a job as a music teacher and I was miserable.  I got a 3 month internship as a music producer but I wasn't able to find anyone who wanted me to produce their music. I liked nuts and bolts as a kid so I've been applying to carpentry jobs. The list goes on. If you haven't tried something how do you know if you like it? I think it was cal Newport who wrote that mastery is first then passion.
Reading your second post have you considered a career in logistics? It's pretty solitary coordinating things. You might be able to get a position where you are the buyer and you go out in the field to source things. My mother used to be the international buyer for a record store and we lived in the Caribbean for awhile so she could be closer to her sources. Living in nyc I'm sure you could get a job that's just professional errand runner.

[socaso]

It might be worth it to talk to some staffing agencies. There are agencies that do more than just place people in crappy jobs no one wants, some specialize in real career placements. See if you can find someone to have a conversation with and see what kinds of opportunities might be out there. That way you aren't really doing the looking yourself but you might get some interesting leads.

[six-car-habit]

 What about a job like Fed-ex / UPS driver.  Most of the day you'll drive around with your packages, dropping them off here and there. You'll get to see parts of your county you've never seen. Most interactions with customers will be brief, and not very paperwork intensive. They make decent $$. It's like being outside and 'running errands' as well.

  Also i'm not sure to characterize your savings so far as a " healthy savings rate " , maybe a "healthy debt re-payment rate" is more apt ?
 [ Please realize that i myself am "great" at paying loans off early,  but basically lackluster at accumulating savings ]

[sjlp]

It's a tough situation, and you're not alone in this. Some of it depends on how much you want to 'find your passion' through work. It's a lot of pressure, and it can take time to figure this out. In the meantime, there is something to be said for finding a skill that you are good at, you don't hate, and is in-demand/financially rewarded.

I like the suggestion above to actively try lots of things and see what sticks. It's hard to know how you feel about things just by reading and reflecting. You can also spend time talking to people about their work and career, and how they got there. You'd be surprised how many people will respond positively to a politely worded request for a 30-minute informational interview.

[reeshau]

One way you might find resources is to look for retirement resources discussing "second acts."  While you aren't retiring, you are looking to do something *completely* different, and I think you have a lot in common with people facing that life stage.

I just got done listening to a series from the "Retirement Answer Man" podcasts about just this--how to find a new identity, separate from your work identity.  I can't find episode numbers in the listing, but they are from July of this year.  One episode, in particular, focused on using an Enneagram (a type of personality test) when exploring these questions.

You are ahead, because you are at least aware of your situation, and honest about your feelings.  Good luck on your search.

[zinnie]

I can relate to where you are at in a lot of ways. It's not an easy problem to solve, but I just wanted to wish you luck. And share an article that I've shared at various time in my professional circles and that many have found useful: https://hbr.org/2012/01/to-find-happiness-forget-about

[Roots&Wings]

Many good suggestions here. Do you know what your "Signature Strengths" are?

This was part of a class I took at Yale, and found it helpful for brainstorming ideas and reconnecting with internal motivations (you have to provide your email to take the free survey, which is annoying but the survey is legit).

There's research indicating people tend to be happier when you do things that engage at least 4 of your top 7 signature strengths. If you do the survey, this U Penn paper is also good for ideas once you know your top strengths (Ctrl+F for your particular strengths). Best of luck!

[Fire2025]

I know you say you're not interested in music any longer, but have you looked into post production music/ sound for film and television studios?  There are some night jobs doing clearance and research in those area sometimes.  Also there maybe some office management/ Studio Operations jobs in that area, where you deal with the studio itself, and not the clients and scheduling, which you don't seem to like in the current job.

[Cool Friend]

Thank you all so much for the input, it really means a lot to me to get such thoughtful outsider perspective on it.  I do like the idea of trying lots of things to see what sticks. There are loads of things I've never tried, so maybe part of the problem is I don't know what I don't know, you know?  Haha.

I'm curious about logistics, mozar.  And honestly Fedex/UPS sounds interesting too, I'll look into what the pay/benefits of that might be.

I was also looking at Parks and Rec jobs; I'm not qualified for basically any of them, but maybe if something entry-level opens up I could work my way up eventually.

I took that VIA test and this is what I got for my top 7 strengths:
1. Love of Learning
2. Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence
3. Creativity
4. Kindness
5. Prudence
6. Fairness
7. Humor

I know you say you're not interested in music any longer, but have you looked into post production music/ sound for film and television studios?  There are some night jobs doing clearance and research in those area sometimes.  Also there maybe some office management/ Studio Operations jobs in that area, where you deal with the studio itself, and not the clients and scheduling, which you don't seem to like in the current job.

It's funny you mention this, I actually did work for a film/TV post production company for almost 3 years doing studio operations!  It was my job before the one I currently have. The pay was awful ($12-15/hr) but the environment and people were really great, so I was reasonably happy there.  Unfortunately, the company had a bad year and I got let go in one of the rounds of layoffs. But I do have that on my resume, so I could try to see if there are any openings out there.  Great idea, thank you!

  Also i'm not sure to characterize your savings so far as a " healthy savings rate " , maybe a "healthy debt re-payment rate" is more apt ?
 [ Please realize that i myself am "great" at paying loans off early,  but basically lackluster at accumulating savings ]

Sorry for the confusion, my actual savings number is definitely way less than I wish it were, it’s my savings rate I’m referring to.  4 years ago I was in the red by 30k, so while I don’t have as epic a rate as some of the superheroes here, I feel like I’ve done pretty okay so far.

[wellactually]

Fellow admin worker here who works in that field and not the one my degree (math education) is in! Hi! Also, I have been there before where the idea of even responding to another email makes me feel existential dread. And it makes you worse than you could be at the actual work. I'm much better in roles where I don't have to perform and can just zone out. But still, good for you for getting to this point where you're debt free and hungry!

For me, I had parts of my past jobs I liked (graphic design and web stuff), so I took every free online training and udemy course I could find to pad that part of my resume in order to transition into my current job which is the first I've had that doesn't have "assistant" in the title. This also helped demonstrate that I was willing to learn and motivated to do so.

But it sounds like there isn't much you enjoy about the current job. For the record, I'm actually working in the public arts field now and it might be something worth looking at. You mentioned parks and recreation, so my job works closely with that department and operates funding for local music/art/theatre/dance orgs as well as a bunch of community events. While public (state/local) jobs or jobs with non-profits might not pay super well, it could be a way to leverage your existing experience AND your education to at least be in a better environment or supporting a cause you feel more passionate about. Finding a way to volunteer in applicable or related areas may be a good way to add experience that makes you a good candidate for those kinds of jobs.

Other than that, I'd check with your friends and family and see if anyone has recommendations about employers they have connections to and which people like working for. If you know of a company that has a great work environment and ancillary benefits, you could see what types of jobs they list and determine if you are already qualified or could get there. At least then you could derive some other benefit from the workday even if you still don't love the work. Trade apprenticeships can be an option, but it might be hard to know if you'd like the trade long-term.

[robartsd]

Would you be interested in a building trade? Many of the skilled trades can pay about what you're currently making after a 1-2 year apprenticeship.

[Roots&Wings]

Interesting, if you're looking to stay in NYC, non-profits and museums could be a good place to look too (e.g. MoMA has several Assistant Curator positions open, and Glass Door lists associate curator salaries in the $84k-106k range).

Of course there are other basic elements of a satisfying work environment (colleague/manager relationships, your degree of autonomy/schedule flexibility, etc), but something aligned with your strengths is always best.

[LaineyAZ]

I know more than one person who took some basic career counseling tests or classes.  The results pointed them to a career they hadn't previously considered but they were very successful in.  The results don't have to be absolute but could definitely give you some ideas for work that would be a good fit.

And I'd also add that you're in a great situation to consider moving.  Don't feel stuck in NY because of long-term friends; you are young enough and motivated enough to make a big life change, so don't let geography get in the way of a better overall future.

[MrGreen]

How flexible do you want to be? Would you consider living in a vehicle? There are a lot of benefits possible from that, depending in where you live. You have no rent, minimal stuff. You have the ability to relocate to another city for jobs or to pursue a new interest. It can be incredibly inexpensive to live out of a Prius, truck, or minivan. My wife and I spent most nights in our car while we travelled the US for 3 months last Spring and we realized there are so many services that lend themselves to that. Libraries for internet, books, socializing. YMCAs, hostels, or campgrounds for showers if you don't have a shower solution in your vehicle. If you're adventurous at all you might find the freedom that can come along with that lifestyle refreshing, even if it's only temporary while you explore what it is you think you want to do. The biggest appeal in my mind is how cheap and free it would make your lifestyle, which would probably create the least amount if stress while you're figuring things out and cash flow may not be the most stable. My wife and I figured that if we could sleep in free locations all the time our cost to live out of a vehicle would be less than 10k per year and that's for two people. Our trip budget last year was $1,800 a month and we stayed under budget, even with $1,500 in surprise car repairs. Just something to consider.

[Cool Friend]

Living in a car sounds intriguing, though there would be some obstacles to overcome: namely, I would need to get my driver's license again, and also I would need to buy a car. I haven't been behind the wheel of a vehicle in almost 10 years.  Not impossible though! 

As an update, I spoke to a friend of mine who is going to put me in touch with his cousin, who is rootless and hops from country to country teaching English I think.  I'm going to pick her brain to see how she does it.

[Tabitha]

I feel like I have to start all over again, but I don’t know where or how. I don't want to take out loans for another degree right after I finally crawled out from under debt.

If you find your ideal field but it needs more education, consider looking for a job at a university. Many offer very generous education benefits for their staff.

[BNgarden]

You may find books by Barbara Sher helpful?  Your libraries should have some available...

Such as:
I Could Do Anything (If Only I Knew What it Was)
Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want
Refuse to Choose! : Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams
It's Only Too Late if You Don't Start Now - Create Your Second Life After 40
Live the Life you Love

[MoneyQuirk]

Me, personally (take with a grain of salt)

When I find that very little professionally interests me, I take the highest paying job that will take me at the time and give myself some time. I've found that if I give myself enough time, I'll eventually come around and find that I have discernible preferences again. Unfortunately, in may be in the form of "wow, I really hate this job."

Also, picking up a new hobby can really help.

[John Galt incarnate!]

I took that VIA test and this is what I got for my top 7 strengths:
1. Love of Learning
2. Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence
3. Creativity
4. Kindness
5. Prudence
6. Fairness.

You said you "have no plan" so I think you are somewhat adrift.

I advise  you to complete a Strong Interest Inventory Profile.

The SIIP   selects for careers  consonant with your interests.

After you get the results you may find a career path you never thought of that turns out to be a fulfilling match.

[Moonwaves]

After your posts in the disagree with MMM's approach thread, I took a look at what other things you have posted about and came across this. Hope you don't mind me resurrecting this thread but it seems to tie in with what some other people are asking you about in that thread.

Are you still in the same job? Since Corona hit a couple of months after you started this thread, it seems possible.

FWIW, I worked in call centres (customer service and then technical support) for about the first five and a half years of my grown-up working life. Hated it but was very good at it and every test or quiz or whatever I did to figure out what to do next came up with the perfect job for me: Customer Service Representative. Soooooo frustrating. I eventually gave up trying to figure out something new and went back to what I had always wanted to be as a kid. I.e. a secretary (variously called administrative assitant, executive assistant, personal assistant, etc. depending on company). Still enjoy it, too, especially now that I have finally found a place where the work and the conditions and the team all suit me well. It's relatively low pay but the rest of it more than makes up for that. I was so close to a complete breakdown that trying to stay in my previous higher-paid but very high stress job beyond paying off debt just wasn't possible. I will probably never RE but I have improved my life so much. To me, working in a job that you hate just to earn good money only makes sense if you are in the right mental space to be able to deal with it all the negative aspects. It sounds like that is not you at the moment.

Have you considered using some of your savings to have a break and just not work at all for a couple of months? What do you think about the various ideas here, now that almost a year (albeit the strangest year most of us have had) has passed?