Accepting a too generous gift from grampa- HELP

[Mrs.FamilyFinances]

I'm in need some advice and insight to a situation that presented itself to us this evening.

Called gradma to check on grampa; he was grumpy when I left this afternoon. I asked if she had decided what to do about his car insurance bill, because she was debating on dropping his coverage now that he is in hospice care, losing a battle with an aggressive form of lung cancer. She had asked my opinion earlier this week on what she should do, knowing that he will never drive again, and she doesn't care for his vehicle.  My suggestion was to drop coverage, and decide when we have less pressing matters, or sell it now so she doesn't have to deal with it after his death, as it could prove to be one thing too many on her plate.

Tonight, she surprised me. Her suggestion was that I sell my car, a 2001 CRV, and take his car, a 2005 CRV as a gift. I told her I would talk to the hubby and see what he thinks. I didn't want to answer either way. Her train of thought is, I have been taking care of him M-Sat. during the day time since Sept 5th, and have saved her more than the value of the car in charges for nursing care or home health aids.

I feel torn. I don't agree that I have done anything to "earn" a car( or anything for that matter ), I think I have just been a supportive family member and made it my mission to help them anyway I could because I am so grateful to have the ability to do so. On the other hand, it feels rude to tell her no and to be disrespectful to his/her wishes. I don't know how to please everybody. I'm afraid of looking greedy or that I had ill intentions. I'm even more afraid of hurting her feelings...

The value of my car is between 4-5k. The value of his car is 8500-10500k per KBB. We are not in the market for a new car, and they are FI long term.

What do we do?

[Peony]

Would accepting the car cause problems for you with other family members who might feel it shouldn't be given away? If yes, I'd think carefully. If no, I don't see any reason not to accept. It may make them feel better to be able to compensate you in this way for your help. I know I sometimes like to pay people (even friends and family) for things they do just so I can feel comfortable continuing to ask them. I don't like to overdo asking for favors, but that awkwardness is removed if I offer something in return. Maybe your grandma feels something like this?

[kt]

I agree with Peony. If you have no other family members who could be irked by this then I think you should turn it down, thanking her very much. Otherwise, perhaps do the no-i-couldn't politeness dance but take it gratefully if she insists. she wants you to have it as an expression of her gratefulness and it does her absolutely no harm financially. it may also help her because it may be easier to give it to you than to deal with selling it which may be more of an emotional wrench and poor use of scarce time given the circumstances.

[Mrs.FamilyFinances]

Would accepting the car cause problems for you with other family members who might feel it shouldn't be given away? If yes, I'd think carefully. If no, I don't see any reason not to accept. It may make them feel better to be able to compensate you in this way for your help. I know I sometimes like to pay people (even friends and family) for things they do just so I can feel comfortable continuing to ask them. I don't like to overdo asking for favors, but that awkwardness is removed if I offer something in return. Maybe your grandma feels something like this?

I don't think that it would, but I can see the argument that they are basically giving away 8-10k. I don't feel I have done anything worthy of that amount of money. We are the only adult grandchildren ( only have 1 cousin, he is 12). I can see my dad wanting grandma to save all her money, because that's just how he is. We won't take it for sure if he doesn't approve. I want to be a gracious person, because grandma always tells me "accept the good that comes to you". Its maybe just too generous for me...

[gooki]

Accept the car, sell your current one, invest the money, and if you grand parents ever need financial help, dip into that invested cash.

[Riceman]

Your grandma's advice is great. Gracefully receive and give generously in return. That will make your grandparents the happiest.

[chasesfish]

You have to judge the family politics, but I'd recommend taking the car, sell yours, and hold the cash just in case there's ever a time to return it.

You're giving your grandparents the gift of time, go spend as much as possible with them

[Russ]

Old people do this cool thing where they know what they want and give zero fucks what anybody else thinks. Unless you have a really good reason why you shouldn't accept the car (guilt doesn't count), accept it and say thank you. That's what they want you to do, or else they wouldn't have offered.

[MissStache]

Sounds to me like a win/win!  You get a free car and can sell your old one, and grandma gets warm fuzzies for giving her generous and caring granddaughter a vehicle (PLUS she doesn't have to deal with disposing of it). 

Take it, and don't feel guilty :)

[randymarsh]

Sounds to me like a win/win!  You get a free car and can sell your old one, and grandma gets warm fuzzies for giving her generous and caring granddaughter a vehicle (PLUS she doesn't have to deal with disposing of it). 

Take it, and don't feel guilty :)

Agreed. Family (and friends) are allowed to give each other stuff!

[galaxie]

Old people do this cool thing where they know what they want and give zero fucks what anybody else thinks. Unless you have a really good reason why you shouldn't accept the car (guilt doesn't count), accept it and say thank you. That's what they want you to do, or else they wouldn't have offered.

In this sense, I am constantly trying to age prematurely.  When I can convince myself to live this way it always turns out great.

[lackofstache]

Old people do this cool thing where they know what they want and give zero fucks what anybody else thinks. Unless you have a really good reason why you shouldn't accept the car (guilt doesn't count), accept it and say thank you. That's what they want you to do, or else they wouldn't have offered.

+1

Give your grandma the happiness, even if your father doesn't approve.

Slightly off subject, I hate to think of or hear other's reference cancer as a battle. We all die. Dying isn't losing, it's inevitable. I don't mean to sound cold, I've witnessed my share of family death; cancer related & not. They didn't lose, they lived (winning!) & died.

[lifejoy]

Just going to mention that my grampa gave my mom his car, and it gave her a headache because he was always very paranoid about how well she was taking care of it. Obviously she was grateful but it also gave her anxiety worrying that she would disappoint him.

Not sure what your grampa is luck (sounds like a nice guy!) but just make sure that this car wouldn't have strings attached :)

[hybrid]

Accept the car, sell your current one, invest the money, and if you grand parents ever need financial help, dip into that invested cash.

+1.  You'll be there for your grandma if she ever needs the help, in the meantime she wants to help you.  Win-win.

[StarryC]

Agree on accepting gratefully.  People may talk behind your back, but they will do so no matter what.

But I see three issues you should investigate/ think about.  1) Medicaid.  If grandma is going to be on Medicaid, a gift of assets within 5 years of Medicaid eligibility can be counted against her in some way.  I don't know exactly how, or what the limits are.  Maybe call a medicare/caid hotline or ask the insurance person at the hospital  2) Gift transfer of a vehicle might be weird with the DMV.  I know of some people who have sold a car for $1 due to this.  Obviously, talk to the DMV about that.  3) Gift taxes.  I think that a gift of greater than $600 may have tax consequences.  (See your accountant, or just fill it out in turbo tax and see what happens). 

[oldtoyota]

I'd feel funny taking the care before he died. I was in a similar situation with my grandmother. I was by her bed while she was sick and while she was in hospice. I did not throw out a thing until after she passed away. My situation was a bit different because she had rallied back from near death before and lived many more years. I did not want to give items away and have her recover and wonder WTH we had done. Your case is probably different.

[Kipp]

Agree on accepting gratefully.  People may talk behind your back, but they will do so no matter what.

But I see three issues you should investigate/ think about.  1) Medicaid.  If grandma is going to be on Medicaid, a gift of assets within 5 years of Medicaid eligibility can be counted against her in some way.  I don't know exactly how, or what the limits are.  Maybe call a medicare/caid hotline or ask the insurance person at the hospital  2) Gift transfer of a vehicle might be weird with the DMV.  I know of some people who have sold a car for $1 due to this.  Obviously, talk to the DMV about that.  3) Gift taxes.  I think that a gift of greater than $600 may have tax consequences.  (See your accountant, or just fill it out in turbo tax and see what happens).

The $600 is for prizes, gift limitations are actually much higher.  Per the IRS the exemption is $14,000 for 2013.  Even if it exceeds that, the gift can reduce the estate exemption before it is taxed.

http://www.irs.gov/Businesses/Small-Businesses-&-Self-Employed/What's-New---Estate-and-Gift-Tax

[gillstone]

I would say take the car even regardless of family politics.  Your grandparents are doing you a solid and may even feel like they "owe" you something for what you've done.  It's not up to you to say what they feel and if they want to give it to you then I say go ahead.  In terms of family politics, if someone says something just remember that when it comes time to settle estates there will always be someone who says something.  If its not about the car then it will be about a set of china or a rug or a bank account or whatever. And good on you for being there for your grandfather.

[MrsPete]

My grandmother couldn't get rid of things -- even things that she didn't need, but especially things that had value.  But in her later years, she could give them away to family members. 

Take the car.  Be grateful.