Author Topic: Accept gifts from family with generous/masochistic money habits?  (Read 1776 times)

SingleMomOnFire

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My ex's parents (my daughter's abuelos) just spent $600 on clothes for us! I tried to stay my regular frugal self but they kept on encouraging us and in the end I was horrified to see the total bill. They would not accept any money from me to contribute.  To make matters worse I just found out (after the shopping excursion) that they are in the process of declaring bankruptcy!  I don't spend money on clothes like this. My ex says just to enjoy it and they say that they save up to treat us and that it brings them joy. My daughter's cousin says they would feel badly if I tried to give them money or any kind of repayment.

Now that I know what their financial situation is, I won't ever let a shopping tab like that happen again.

But do you accept gifts from generous family who might be hurting themselves With their giving? Should I find nice ways of turning down these gifts? It's not my family or my culture so communication on these topics is far from simple or easy.   Suggestions?

Thank you!
SMOF

kitkat

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Re: Accept gifts from family with generous/masochistic money habits?
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2016, 07:46:25 PM »
I have a similar problem with my spendy SIL and her husband.. buying DH $100+ bottles of whisky for his birthday, always wanting to go to the nicest restaurants and pick up tabs, etc.. and I know they are way worse of financially than we are (although they have way higher salaries). Even worse is that DH feels the need to reciprocate because "they always do it for us". I agree that it feels rude to not accept or to not return especially because we CAN afford it, but wish everyone would just cut it out!

former player

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Re: Accept gifts from family with generous/masochistic money habits?
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2016, 03:36:05 AM »
If your ex's parents are about to declare bankruptcy then that $600 bill will probably never get paid, or will only have a fraction of it paid.   They quite possibly refused your money knowing this.  The merchandisers will still get paid, so it's the credit card company that will lose out.

Once they are bankrupt, their generosity with the credit card company's money will probably stop in any case until they have built up their credit enough to start the cycle again.

The only thing you can do is try to ensure that your daughter grows up with a healthy attitude to money and finance.  In other words, that she takes her cues for you rather than from her father and his parents.

SingleMomOnFire

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Re: Accept gifts from family with generous/masochistic money habits?
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2016, 01:37:16 PM »
Thanks so much!!

They paid by debit card so they spent actual money. But i spoke with my ex who says the bankruptcy is strategic in some way and that I shouldn't take it on.

The parenting comment is true. I will do my best to teach healthy money practices which is made more difficult when she is showered in gifts but I will do my best.

I just have to understand that my path is not everyone's path and even if I wish the best for others, I can't make them change even if I feel certain my way is better. Even if I may be seen as "cheap" compared to others. It's surprisingly hard to know that you have more savings and investments but are choosing not to spend it like the rest of society does.  This seems stickier with family than with friends as my friends are not so different than myself.

Thanks again.