This is my cable subscription. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My cable is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My cable subscription, without my money, is useless. Without my cable subscription, I am useless. I must click my remote true. I must surf the channels faster than my wife who is trying to kill me by changing to HGTV. I must find the sports channel before she wins. I will...
My cable and I know that what counts in this war is not the total number of channels we have, the noise of our surround system, nor the clarity of our display. We know that it is watching the hit shows that counts. We will watch...
My cable is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its times and its schedule. I will keep my television clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before God, I swear this creed. My cable subscription and I are the defenders of my couch. We are the masters of the superbowl. We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no spare time, but only programming!