Author Topic: What moms want: time  (Read 6459 times)

ch12

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What moms want: time
« on: May 06, 2014, 10:11:43 PM »
I was interested in what working mothers wanted, but I wasn't surprised to see that the answer was time.

http://www.today.com/money/what-working-moms-really-want-mothers-day-hint-not-chocolate-2D79619311

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Hofstra said she too often feels like she and her husband are rushing to get out the door in the morning, or juggling to get bath, dinner and play time in with a young child who can often be tired and grumpy.

Even though the time isn’t always joyful, what Hofstra, who lives in San Diego, said she really wants is a clone, who could go to work – and maybe the gym – for her while she got a bit more parenting time.

It reminded me of RootofGood's account of his working days:
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Our older kids will definitely remember our full time career days.  We scrambled to get them ready for school or rushed to pack them up to spend the day with grandma so we could go to work.  And then in the evenings, we repeated the process in reverse.  Pick up the kids, rush home, figure out dinner, rush to make sure all the homework is complete and correct, get them through the bath and bedtime routine, and then maybe have a few minutes of peace and quiet before bedtime for the adults (knowing the process would be repeated in another 7-8 hours).


http://rootofgood.com/early-retirement-with-kids/

Also, I was reminded of Mr. Money Mustache and that one time that Mrs. MM had to go to Boulder for jury duty.

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Mrs. Money Mustache was so unprepared for the demand of being in far-away Boulder at 8:30 in the morning that she drove the car to that city for the appointment. All three days! The quarter-tank of gas we had been nursing since returning from our last family vacation in early September was suddenly burned up and she had to actually waste $35.00 of otherwise-useful money filling up the tank! On the first day, she arrived unprepared for the rainy weather and with inadequate food for 9 hours in a courtroom, so she found herself outside at lunch, freezing cold and looking for food. At this point she actually got back into her car and drove it to a restaurant in hopes of finding some lunch!!!

Written with fewer italics and exclamation points, this could sound like an average American day at work. But to both of us, the story is horrifying and nothing similar has happened to either of us in the preceding ten. The sloppy, desperate inefficiency of that first day in Boulder left us both with an odd combination of lighthearted laughing and filthy guilt.

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/10/15/the-tyranny-of-having-a-real-job/

And the lawyer who quit BigLaw because her schedule was ridiculous.
http://abovethelaw.com/2012/11/departure-memo-of-the-day-parenting-gets-the-best-of-one-biglaw-associate/?utm_source=Above%20the%20Law&utm_campaign=Above_the_Law_Daily_11_09_2012

golden1

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2014, 06:58:11 AM »
Yep,  I would LOVE more time more than anything else.

 I am constantly surprised at the number of people who would trade time for money.   I have a measly 2 weeks vacation a year at the age of 41 with two school aged kids, and I have asked upper management repeatedly if I can get an extra week or two off a year, without pay, and you should see the looks I get.   That 1-2 weeks extra per year would make life sooooooo much easier.   

Right now, half my vacation time gets eaten up by dealing with kids activities or medical appointments.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, but I am feeling very personally burnt out at the moment.  My days are very hectic - up at 5:30 - in to work by 7:30 - home at 6 - scramble to make dinner and get the kids homework and activities done, maybe squeezing in a 1/2 hour of exercise, get them to bed at 8:30, have a half hour to myself (usually spent cleaning up or preparing for the next day), rinse repeat.  Weekends aren't much better because my husband spends all day doing homework for school (getting his MBA) and I am doing laundry/errands most of the time.

Sorry if that turned into a bitch fest, but my primary reason for following this blog is that I want to either quit work or scale back dramatically (to 3 days a week) by age 50-55.  This isn't living, it is an endless grind.

HairyUpperLip

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2014, 07:11:15 AM »
I'm very thankful my wife is able to home with our baby.

Sorry to all the Mom's that have to work so hard and not enjoy their time with their children.


bo_knows

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2014, 07:12:58 AM »
Sorry if that turned into a bitch fest, but my primary reason for following this blog is that I want to either quit work or scale back dramatically (to 3 days a week) by age 50-55.  This isn't living, it is an endless grind.

I think that the reason this was posted, was because people don't realize that they CAN have more time.  I checked over your post history and didn't see a case study for yourself.  I know that every situation is different, but whats stopping you from cutting back NOW rather than in 15 years when the kids are out of the house already?  You only have their childhood for a finite amount of time.

No Name Guy

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2014, 09:01:22 AM »
And today (Wednesday) is the last day of the workweek for me.  Golden.....tell 'em you want to be part time.

I'm at 70% of a full time schedule.  Every Friday is off.  Alternating Thursdays as well.  So one week, I work M-Th and the other week it's M-W.  Yes, it's at 70% of pay.  Yes, instead of having the medical fully provided, I have to pay part of it.  Yes, if holidays fall on my scheduled day off I don't get paid for them (example - 4th of July will be unpaid, since it's on a scheduled day off, Friday).

But since I choose live the low cost lifestyle, I'm in a great position at 70% of full time pay - to where I STILL have a savings rate of over 50%.

I hope you find your happy place sooner rather than later Golden.

bo_knows

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2014, 09:33:28 AM »
And today (Wednesday) is the last day of the workweek for me.  Golden.....tell 'em you want to be part time.

I'm at 70% of a full time schedule.  Every Friday is off.  Alternating Thursdays as well.  So one week, I work M-Th and the other week it's M-W.  Yes, it's at 70% of pay. 

Awesome.  I work 90% (every Friday off), and my wife works 60%. I certainly feel a good work/life balance these days.

mboulder

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2014, 09:48:42 AM »
I am constantly surprised at the number of people who would trade time for money.

I tell my friends and loved ones that money is just a tool to buy time. Sadly most people spend it on other things because our culture is consumption. My dad worked his ass off, losing weekends and vacation days along the way, all his life to make a ton of money, so he could buy prestige. It wasn't until the last few years of his life, when he was unhealthy and unable to do much more than walk to his mailbox, that he realized he should've bought time years before instead of prestige. By the time he bought time, he was too unhealthy to enjoy it.

KatieSSS

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2014, 09:58:25 AM »
This topic just came up today with some co-workers. Even the ones without kids want more flexible work options. I'd be happy to work a compressed work-week (4 days of 10-hour shifts) if it meant that I got Friday's off! At least until I had a family/kids, then I'd want to go down to 80% time. The problem at my company is that some managers allow their employees to do it, while others are dead-set against it. I am in the latter camp. I think HR needs to do something about this, because if it is the employer policy that flexible time is allowed, then it shouldn't depend on the whim of a manager.

Mississippi Mudstache

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2014, 02:07:03 PM »
My wife is a SAHM, but time is still what she wants. She works twice as hard as I do. I hope to be home to help her before the kids are off to college.

ch12

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2014, 04:32:31 PM »
Yep,  I would LOVE more time more than anything else.

I am feeling very personally burnt out at the moment.  My days are very hectic - up at 5:30 - in to work by 7:30 - home at 6 - scramble to make dinner and get the kids homework and activities done, maybe squeezing in a 1/2 hour of exercise, get them to bed at 8:30, have a half hour to myself (usually spent cleaning up or preparing for the next day), rinse repeat.  Weekends aren't much better because my husband spends all day doing homework for school (getting his MBA) and I am doing laundry/errands most of the time.

Sorry if that turned into a bitch fest, but my primary reason for following this blog is that I want to either quit work or scale back dramatically (to 3 days a week) by age 50-55.  This isn't living, it is an endless grind.

Endless grind is not good. There has to be a way to destress and declutter at least a little bit of your life. I'd encourage you to put up a case study not for facepunches but to see where you can recover a little time.

I also really like the first bit of Tim Ferriss's 4 Hour Work Week, where he asks you to define your ideal life.

MicroRN

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2014, 05:37:32 PM »
One of the reasons I moved into nursing was the work schedule, and being able to readily find jobs when I move around with my husband.  I work 0.6, on 12 hour shifts.  That means I'm only on for 2 shifts a week.  I also have an on-call job, but only work my minimum hours there each month (3-8 hour shifts).  I love this schedule, and the fact that I make $45K/year working a total of 11-12 shifts per month.  I didn't like being a SAHM for the brief time that I was, but I also didn't want to do the 9-5 grind.   

Regular work hours suck.  You work 9-5 5 days a week with commuting in between, spend Saturday trying to catch up on the house/yardwork you didn't do during the week, maybe get a few hours of rec time, and then on Sunday you realize that you have to start over the next week.  With my schedule I have a max of 3 on per week, with 4-5 off. 

zataks

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2014, 05:38:50 PM »
I normally work a 4-10's schedule.  It's pretty great.  What I would really like is to work only 3 days a week.  At my current job, that is currently not an option, which I knew when I signed up for it. 

I definitely worry about having time when kids come into the picture.  GF says she would like to work part time at that point (we're looking years down the road) which is much more viable for her as her job is more conducive to it and she makes more.

golden1

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2014, 07:12:57 AM »
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And today (Wednesday) is the last day of the workweek for me.  Golden.....tell 'em you want to be part time.

Thanks for the commiseration - I was having a pity party yesterday and you guys got the brunt of it.  Apologies. 

I have to provide health insurance for the next 1.5-2 years for my family because my husband is starting a business (no benefits) and getting an MBA at the same time.  My company has an excellent health care plan, and I need to remain full time to keep it.  I want to reevaluate my working situation once my DH gets his MBA and his employment situation is a bit more secure.   I am also actively looking or jobs with shorter commutes, which would help a lot, but so far, no luck.  I think if I don't find another position in that 1.5-2 year period, I might be able to negotiate down to part time - or at least 4-10 hour days.   In a way, this is a return favor for him working a job he hated while I was a SAHM for 8 years with my kids.  Now he gets to pursue his dreams while I suffer in my job for a bit.  :)

I might have to do a case study or start a journal.  I definitely need to work on some spending habit stuff - especially food.  This lifestyle leads to way too much take out.

ch12

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2014, 06:29:58 PM »
I have to provide health insurance for the next 1.5-2 years for my family because my husband is starting a business (no benefits) and getting an MBA at the same time.  My company has an excellent health care plan, and I need to remain full time to keep it. Now he gets to pursue his dreams while I suffer in my job for a bit.  :)

Health insurance = good

However, that doesn't mean that you have to suffer. You are actively looking for another job, and that goes a long way. Some stability while your husband gets started is good.

I'd really recommend doing a side hustle, although you are cognitively exhausted (http://danariely.com/2012/08/15/understanding-ego-depletion/) at the end of the day and resorting to getting takeout.

http://frugalparagon.com/2014/02/05/why-the-frugal-paragon-loves-leapforce-at-home/

Even though it would result in more working hours, you work exactly as much as you want to, and it results in another dribble of income that keeps food on the table.

Health insurance

I ran the numbers for a family of four with $68,000 in income, and it looks like you could get coverage for $288 a month for a bronze level plan covering a family with 35, 35, 8, and 6 year olds. Gold will cost you a few hundred more per month in my zip code. While health insurance is very important for your family, you should consider what you would do if your company didn't offer excellent insurance. Don't tell yourself that you'll have to be miserable for the next 2 years - that's a recipe for stress. In your position, I'd settle for a lower paying job that gave me time to spend with my family.

You obviously need to make enough to keep your family stable and safe, but that number isn't $68,000 per year.
« Last Edit: May 08, 2014, 09:02:19 PM by ch12 »

golden1

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2014, 12:32:55 PM »
Oooh thanks for the Ego-Depletion link - I have that argument with myself every day!  Although not about beef lo mein.  :)


CarDude

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2014, 08:00:07 PM »
I normally work a 4-10's schedule.  It's pretty great.  What I would really like is to work only 3 days a week.  At my current job, that is currently not an option, which I knew when I signed up for it. 

I definitely worry about having time when kids come into the picture.  GF says she would like to work part time at that point (we're looking years down the road) which is much more viable for her as her job is more conducive to it and she makes more.

I've worked the 4-10 schedule before, and couldn't stand it; however, when I did, the 4 days changed week to week, and I couldn't stand that, especially since every other week, one of the 4 days was on the weekend. I was so happy to have a regular 5-8 job later on with no weekends!

mm1970

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Re: What moms want: time
« Reply #16 on: May 18, 2014, 11:12:25 AM »
Yep,  I would LOVE more time more than anything else.

 I am constantly surprised at the number of people who would trade time for money.   I have a measly 2 weeks vacation a year at the age of 41 with two school aged kids, and I have asked upper management repeatedly if I can get an extra week or two off a year, without pay, and you should see the looks I get.   That 1-2 weeks extra per year would make life sooooooo much easier.   

Right now, half my vacation time gets eaten up by dealing with kids activities or medical appointments.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, but I am feeling very personally burnt out at the moment.  My days are very hectic - up at 5:30 - in to work by 7:30 - home at 6 - scramble to make dinner and get the kids homework and activities done, maybe squeezing in a 1/2 hour of exercise, get them to bed at 8:30, have a half hour to myself (usually spent cleaning up or preparing for the next day), rinse repeat.  Weekends aren't much better because my husband spends all day doing homework for school (getting his MBA) and I am doing laundry/errands most of the time.

Sorry if that turned into a bitch fest, but my primary reason for following this blog is that I want to either quit work or scale back dramatically (to 3 days a week) by age 50-55.  This isn't living, it is an endless grind.

I can definitely relate.  My boys are 8 and almost 2.  I leave the house at 7:20 and get home at 5:20.  I work from 7:30 to 4:30, pick up the toddler, drive to the elementary school, pick up my 8 year old and the neighbor's two girls, go home, do dinner by 6.

The toddler is in bed by 8 and the big boy by 8:45 and I go to sleep at 9.  Two days a week I get up at 5 am to go to the gym.  I walk on my lunch break.  I try to get up at 5:30 the other three mornings to work out at home while spouse is at the gym.  Toddler wakes at 5:45 to 6:15, so it's hit or miss that I'll get to work out.  And sometimes, the toddler wakes up in the middle of the night, so I'm still in this period of no sleep.  I tend to have insomnia.  So if I am awakened by him, or are under stress, or in a particular time of the month, I am awake for 2 hours.  So I try to preemptively strike with Unisom.

I was looking at a new job, but this new job comes with 2 weeks PTO (including sick time) and 9 holidays.  Man, that is 3 weeks less than I get now, so no thanks.

I think I will be getting a new boss in a few weeks, and will open the dialogue of going back to part time.  I've spent a total of 3 years part time (30-35 hrs/ week, enough to get benefits), and it's amazing what an extra 8-10 hours a week can do for you.

Interesting, that I really don't desire to stay at home.  I am reading "The Way We Never Were" thanks to a recommendation from Nords (it's good for putting me to sleep because it's very technical).  Makes me think more about the traditional "wife at home" and how that came about.

So last night I took a Unisom after a week of poor sleep.  Slept nine hours, woke up with the toddler, and went back to bed for another 1.5 hours.  Now it's time to start the day of chores, and wait for the shoe to drop (one of our trips yesterday was to a 2 year old birthday party, where the mom posted last night that her daughter started vomiting at bed time, so now I get to wait and see if my son catches it, and then of course the whole family).  That's where most of my PTO goes...