Author Topic: What kind of idiot...  (Read 6238 times)

TheGrimSqueaker

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What kind of idiot...
« on: February 10, 2016, 04:16:43 PM »
What kind of idiot, when being given hundreds of dollars' worth of new pet equipment, stands up the friend-of-a-friend who's giving it to them by not showing up at the appointed place and time and not bothering to call to cancel?

I'd like to think that getting good stuff for free, from someone in one's extended social network as opposed to a stranger, would justify showing up or at least communicating with the donor.

kiwichick

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2016, 05:18:35 PM »
An inconsiderate one. Hope you don't end up giving them the stuff if they eventually do show up.

Miamoo

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2016, 06:58:17 PM »
Put it on Craigslist?  Someone that rude doesn't deserve a second chance.  Or donate to a shelter? 

Josiecat

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2016, 07:27:51 PM »
I'm sure the shelter would be grateful to get those items.

bobechs

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2016, 07:33:42 PM »
Maybe the offender just reconsidered the whole pet co-dependency thing and bailed.

That could save a whole lot more than the giveaway gew-gaws cost, even at maximum msrp.


StockBeard

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2016, 07:49:36 PM »
Without more context, it's possible something happened to them and they couldn't make it, or let you know that they couldn't make it?

WildJager

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2016, 03:15:47 AM »
Without more context, it's possible something happened to them and they couldn't make it, or let you know that they couldn't make it?

Checks.  I prefer to give the benefit of the doubt in these cases.  My mind usually goes to, "I wonder if they're ok... I should check on them."

Now, when they subsequently cut you off and refuse communication because they're embarrassed about standing you up, a valuable lesson has been learned.

Going down a rabbit hole here, but I've found that FU money has really made me indifferent about people offending me.  Since I don't really "need" anything from others, if they help me (or keep there word, as in this case) great!  If not (or they offend me)... meh.  I just move on and assume they're struggling to get their life and priorities in order.  Smugly to myself, of course.  Lessens the blow to my ego... ;)

cbr shadow

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2016, 03:27:50 AM »
Personally I would ask if they want to meet again.  Set up another time to meet with the person who stood you up..  Then forget about them and sell it all on Craigslist.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2016, 08:10:42 AM »
Update: I pinged the guy on social media and asked if he was OK, since I'd missed him at the meetup point. It turned out that he'd simply forgotten about it. He did apologize. I'll probably still sell the cat gear on Craig's List, although in fairness I get stood up on CL just as often when selling stuff.

Fishindude

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2016, 08:20:37 AM »
How about this one.  A good friend of mine did some remodeling and no longer needed a nice dining room table and chairs, so he offered it to a common friend for free, if he'd just come get it.  Thought he was doing the guy a favor, giving him something he could get some use out of.   The common friend quickly sells the furniture for $500 in his pocket and never offered a dime to the original owner.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2016, 08:28:52 AM »
How about this one.  A good friend of mine did some remodeling and no longer needed a nice dining room table and chairs, so he offered it to a common friend for free, if he'd just come get it.  Thought he was doing the guy a favor, giving him something he could get some use out of.   The common friend quickly sells the furniture for $500 in his pocket and never offered a dime to the original owner.

I don't actually have a problem with someone else selling something I give them. Once I give a gift, I kind of space out on it and no longer care. Unless, of course, it gets re-gifted back to me. Then I make a mental note to not give that individual any more of the same kind of thing.

Rubic

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #11 on: February 11, 2016, 09:15:26 AM »
I had this problem so often with trying to give away stuff on Freecycle that I finally closed my account.  Too many people would schedule a pick-up, only to not bother showing up -- and they lacked the courtesy to cancel.  Typical text responses would be: "Sorry, I forgot." or "Just too busy today!"

I think Freecycle would benefit from a user rating system.


TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2016, 10:04:51 AM »
I had this problem so often with trying to give away stuff on Freecycle that I finally closed my account.  Too many people would schedule a pick-up, only to not bother showing up -- and they lacked the courtesy to cancel.  Typical text responses would be: "Sorry, I forgot." or "Just too busy today!"

I think Freecycle would benefit from a user rating system.

Indeed! People really don't value things that are free.

Making Cookies

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2016, 10:10:11 AM »
Have dealt with enough people over the years to say I have a good idea of why they are poor or can't keep a job or whatever. Their social skills and priorities are really a mess.

Yeah I quit Freecycle over (at least here) people asking for "luxury" stuff i.e. things they don't need but things they want.

I just take my "giveaways" to a local thrift shop or Goodwill and call it a day. Don't want to spend my time chasing people down online.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2016, 10:28:30 AM »
Have dealt with enough people over the years to say I have a good idea of why they are poor or can't keep a job or whatever. Their social skills and priorities are really a mess.

Yeah I quit Freecycle over (at least here) people asking for "luxury" stuff i.e. things they don't need but things they want.

I just take my "giveaways" to a local thrift shop or Goodwill and call it a day. Don't want to spend my time chasing people down online.

That's a major insight. I never really looked at it that way.

I'm thinking of all the people I know who are chronically dependent because they are out of work and/or out of money. I don't just mean poor, I mean broke. These are the folks who are constantly getting evicted, or fired, or worse. You're right: every single one of them is short on social capital. They either treat other human beings very badly (due to addictions, untreated mental illness, or general assholery) and other folks get tired of the one-way street, or they are codependents. The codependent ones are spouses or parents of people who lack empathy, act like self-absorbed brats, and fail to understand why they should be kind or considerate to others.

When I think of the low-income families or people I know, not all of them are necessarily broke although many are frugal by necessity. But they've got loads of social capital. They're constantly doing things with, or for, their neighbors or their extended family. They reciprocate with gifts, babysitting, and other favors, and they don't try to take advantage of others.

rockstache

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2016, 11:04:03 AM »
How about this one.  A good friend of mine did some remodeling and no longer needed a nice dining room table and chairs, so he offered it to a common friend for free, if he'd just come get it.  Thought he was doing the guy a favor, giving him something he could get some use out of.   The common friend quickly sells the furniture for $500 in his pocket and never offered a dime to the original owner.

I don't actually have a problem with someone else selling something I give them. Once I give a gift, I kind of space out on it and no longer care. Unless, of course, it gets re-gifted back to me. Then I make a mental note to not give that individual any more of the same kind of thing.

+1 Once you give it, you don't have control over it anymore.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2016, 11:49:48 AM »
How about this one.  A good friend of mine did some remodeling and no longer needed a nice dining room table and chairs, so he offered it to a common friend for free, if he'd just come get it.  Thought he was doing the guy a favor, giving him something he could get some use out of.   The common friend quickly sells the furniture for $500 in his pocket and never offered a dime to the original owner.

I don't actually have a problem with someone else selling something I give them. Once I give a gift, I kind of space out on it and no longer care. Unless, of course, it gets re-gifted back to me. Then I make a mental note to not give that individual any more of the same kind of thing.

+1 Once you give it, you don't have control over it anymore.

Indeed. When I want to control what happens to something I own, I find it best to continue owning it instead of giving it away.

Making Cookies

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2016, 12:28:07 PM »
When I think of the low-income families or people I know, not all of them are necessarily broke although many are frugal by necessity. But they've got loads of social capital. They're constantly doing things with, or for, their neighbors or their extended family. They reciprocate with gifts, babysitting, and other favors, and they don't try to take advantage of others.

And those are the ones that are satisfying to invest your time and energy into. We have friends and family who we do much better than financially. When there is a reward for us either from that person in the form of a heart felt thanks or from ourselves b/c we know we're doing the right thing - then it's a worthwhile effort to make.

Years ago, I used to mow the yard of a lady who couldn't do it herself. Took a few weeks to realize that she had an able-bodied 20-something grandson living with her that couldn't bothered to do anything for the lady. It was an eye-opening moment for me b/c I had been raised with a sense of responsibility for my family and friends.

I've long overlooked explanations for things that other people seem to grasp intuitively - like why some poor people seem to wallow in their own filth i.e. why do some poor people seem to live in the middle of a garbage dump or junkyard. Call me dense b/c it took a while to settle through my thick head. The problems of poverty and the disarray were connected. A "duh!" moment for me but I'll claim youth and lack of insight even though I was middle aged when it finally connected for me. ;)

I was simply taking it all at face value. This person has a filthy place to live. This person is poor. This person has problems. Took a few years to integrate the likely cause and effect. ;)

This one helped:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/countryboys/

Its easy to see why the one boy (Chris) can't get it together. A hundred little details working against him, sewing the seeds of doubt in him, etc. Sure, there is an agenda at work in this documentary (like most) but look past that.

For years I was doing what I was taught to do by school and the media taught me to do - look for singular causes and effects, singular solutions, the most direct path between problem and solution without considering contributing factors that might undo whatever solution was applied.

I've give all you MMM'ers kudos for alot of these types of realizations. Reading the forums and your observations and ideas have been immensely beneficial to me and by extension mine (wife and kids).

I know I tend to ramble and reply with half baked statements on MMM but I'll claim here that it's because I'm always reading in a rush and subject to random interruptions while writing.
« Last Edit: February 11, 2016, 12:33:15 PM by Jethrosnose »

Syonyk

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2016, 12:46:24 PM »
Indeed! People really don't value things that are free.

My wife is active on one of the local "buy nothing groups" and this drives her up the wall.  People just don't show, don't contact, repeatedly.  At this point, she'll prefer giving things to someone who has come and picked up before on time over picking randomly, because she's tired of our front porch being filled with bags for "Oh, sorry, forgot... I'll come by tomorrow..." people.

MgoSam

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Re: What kind of idiot...
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2016, 01:14:28 PM »
How about this one.  A good friend of mine did some remodeling and no longer needed a nice dining room table and chairs, so he offered it to a common friend for free, if he'd just come get it.  Thought he was doing the guy a favor, giving him something he could get some use out of.   The common friend quickly sells the furniture for $500 in his pocket and never offered a dime to the original owner.

I don't actually have a problem with someone else selling something I give them. Once I give a gift, I kind of space out on it and no longer care. Unless, of course, it gets re-gifted back to me. Then I make a mental note to not give that individual any more of the same kind of thing.

+1 Once you give it, you don't have control over it anymore.

It truly depends. I think it is somewhat crass to sell a gifted item (some exceptions apply). This is doubly so when someone gives it to you based on the expectation that you need it and will use it. Now if in this case, person A is moving and says to person B, "I don't need this and I was just going to leave it outside so if you want it come and get it," then I don't see anything wrong with it.