Wedding Gifts

[Kris]

One of the things I don't think I've seen mentioned yet in this thread yet is, if wedding gifts are expected to in some way "compensate" the couple for the money they are spending on, e.g., the food at the reception, then what about people who have to travel across the state, or across the country, to come?  I mean, should those people really be expected to buy plane tickets, hotel rooms, gas, etc. to get there, and then STILL buy a gift?  If the couple are going to be so incredibly crass and petty as to expect compensation for the amount of money I am "costing" as a guest, then can I submit them a bill for my lodging and travel expenses and expect them to reimburse me for the difference?!

Story time! Once a distant relative (who I met twice in my life before her wedding) 'let slip' at breakfast the next day that my sister (who was 19, in college, paying everything herself, working 2 jobs, etc) only 'gave her $25'.  I called her out on it and asked if the $75 from my wife and I was enough then.  She got mad and started saying how much she paid for everything and if you couldn't afford a good gift then you shouldn't come.  So I asked her what the 'price she was worth being paid for the night' so that I wouldn't 'short her like a common whore'.  Reach in my back pocket, pulled out my credit card and asked her if I could charge the extra amount so she wouldn't feel cheated.  She turned bright red, and has never talked to me since - worth it to get rid of people that shallow.

Genius!

[mustachejd]

Oh, gift giving.  After my husband and I got married, both sets of parents wanted a list of the gifts we received and who they came from.  We have incredibly generous friends and family - so the list was pretty long.  I later found out that my MIL took the list and took the time to compare it to the guest list and actually CALLED her relatives who didn't give anything. 

My husband and I were so mortified.  We were genuinely excited that those relatives took the time to come to our wedding and we wrote thank you notes to that effect.  And now I have to wonder if they thought I was being snarky :(

[greenmimama]

One of the things I don't think I've seen mentioned yet in this thread yet is, if wedding gifts are expected to in some way "compensate" the couple for the money they are spending on, e.g., the food at the reception, then what about people who have to travel across the state, or across the country, to come?  I mean, should those people really be expected to buy plane tickets, hotel rooms, gas, etc. to get there, and then STILL buy a gift?  If the couple are going to be so incredibly crass and petty as to expect compensation for the amount of money I am "costing" as a guest, then can I submit them a bill for my lodging and travel expenses and expect them to reimburse me for the difference?!

I was just thinking this same thing, you know technically the people throwing the wedding are supposed to pay for the plane tickets and hotels of out of town guests, obviously we have moved far away from that, but really if you want to be "reimbursed" for the wedding, then they should def. be able to minus their costs to get their and stay there, which means a lot of the time that would be a big fat nothing gift. Because it cost more to get there than it does per person to throw the wedding.

[Elderwood17]

Oh, gift giving.  After my husband and I got married, both sets of parents wanted a list of the gifts we received and who they came from.  We have incredibly generous friends and family - so the list was pretty long.  I later found out that my MIL took the list and took the time to compare it to the guest list and actually CALLED her relatives who didn't give anything. 

My husband and I were so mortified.  We were genuinely excited that those relatives took the time to come to our wedding and we wrote thank you notes to that effect.  And now I have to wonder if they thought I was being snarky :(

Wow!  I would be mortified too! 

[zephyr911]

One of the things I don't think I've seen mentioned yet in this thread yet is, if wedding gifts are expected to in some way "compensate" the couple for the money they are spending on, e.g., the food at the reception, then what about people who have to travel across the state, or across the country, to come?  I mean, should those people really be expected to buy plane tickets, hotel rooms, gas, etc. to get there, and then STILL buy a gift?  If the couple are going to be so incredibly crass and petty as to expect compensation for the amount of money I am "costing" as a guest, then can I submit them a bill for my lodging and travel expenses and expect them to reimburse me for the difference?!

Story time! Once a distant relative (who I met twice in my life before her wedding) 'let slip' at breakfast the next day that my sister (who was 19, in college, paying everything herself, working 2 jobs, etc) only 'gave her $25'.  I called her out on it and asked if the $75 from my wife and I was enough then.  She got mad and started saying how much she paid for everything and if you couldn't afford a good gift then you shouldn't come.  So I asked her what the 'price she was worth being paid for the night' so that I wouldn't 'short her like a common whore'.  Reach in my back pocket, pulled out my credit card and asked her if I could charge the extra amount so she wouldn't feel cheated.  She turned bright red, and has never talked to me since - worth it to get rid of people that shallow.

BRUTAL! <3

[MgoSam]

One of the things I don't think I've seen mentioned yet in this thread yet is, if wedding gifts are expected to in some way "compensate" the couple for the money they are spending on, e.g., the food at the reception, then what about people who have to travel across the state, or across the country, to come?  I mean, should those people really be expected to buy plane tickets, hotel rooms, gas, etc. to get there, and then STILL buy a gift?  If the couple are going to be so incredibly crass and petty as to expect compensation for the amount of money I am "costing" as a guest, then can I submit them a bill for my lodging and travel expenses and expect them to reimburse me for the difference?!

Story time! Once a distant relative (who I met twice in my life before her wedding) 'let slip' at breakfast the next day that my sister (who was 19, in college, paying everything herself, working 2 jobs, etc) only 'gave her $25'.  I called her out on it and asked if the $75 from my wife and I was enough then.  She got mad and started saying how much she paid for everything and if you couldn't afford a good gift then you shouldn't come.  So I asked her what the 'price she was worth being paid for the night' so that I wouldn't 'short her like a common whore'.  Reach in my back pocket, pulled out my credit card and asked her if I could charge the extra amount so she wouldn't feel cheated.  She turned bright red, and has never talked to me since - worth it to get rid of people that shallow.

BRUTAL! <3

My guess is that the distant relative honestly thought that she was in the right. If people are like that, I'm more than happy to skip going to their weddings. I care little for most of them, I'm happy to go to a friend's or family's wedding to celebrate with them, but feel no obligation to do so. Most of my weekends are busy enough as it is that I might feel happy to avoid needing to go to them.

[Jags4186]

I'll say this much.  I am the youngest and last of the cousins/siblings in my generation to get married.  Every single one of them grabbed a $250 gift from me (except for the one who got $50 when he got married while I was in college) and I usually forked over between $100 and $150 for a hotel night.  This is on top of paying to go on bachelor parties, etc.    I most certainly do not make bank and many of these happened shortly after I first started working and didn't have 2 nickels to rub together.

I am whole heartedly expecting reciprocity when my night comes around next year and I would be annoyed if I felt I got short changed.  Awful way to think but, that's life. 

[MLKnits]

I'm re-awakening this thread because of a very odd wedding (well, bridal-shower) conversation I had this weekend. A colleague and I were both invited to our employee's shower, the invitation for which specified "no non-monetary gifts." This made me cringe, but I love my employee, and she's young, and maybe in her family/community (heavily Italian) that's not considered gauche.

Colleague and I compromised on $125 each (I wanted to give $100--well, I wanted to give $40, but, you know--and she wanted to give $150). We arrived to discover that the shower was quite fancy--slipcovers on the chairs, truly incredible quantity and variety of desserts, etc (though a buffet and held at a venue her relative works at, presumably with a good discount).

My colleague was then very upset that we had not given more. From my perspective, there's no reason that our gifts should be tagged to the "fanciness" of the event: we had no way of knowing, plus it's not really our responsibility to "cover" unnecessary frilliness costs, over and above what could have been and often is an event held in someone's living room.

So: for an event (shower, birthday, etc) that would be perfectly normal/acceptable in a living room or backyard with snacks and a cake instead of a full meal, servers, etc--would you give more because the frilliness factor has been turned up to 11? And what would you do, if anything, if you expected low-key and arrived to find Very Fancy?

(Not looking forward to having to give even more for the wedding--colleague is certainly going to insist on it now, since from her perspective I "won" the discussion about the shower gift amount.)

[forummm]

Wedding gifts for people who already live together don't make any sense. And even those for people who have been adults for awhile and live on their own independently. They already have sheets and towels and plates. They don't need $20 cheese knives and $40 champagne glasses.

[Fodder]

$125 for a shower gift is really generous!!!!  (At least in my circles).  I usually budget about $50 for a shower gift, and I don't think I'm being cheap....it seems pretty normal here, unless you're really really close to the bride.

I think Italian weddings are a different beast though - always seems to be tons of money involved from all parties, at least from the ones I've seen.

I usually give $250 for a wedding gift (from hubby and I) and I don't change the amount based on the style of wedding.  It's a gift, not admission.

[MoneyCat]

Wedding gifts are supposed to help the new couple get started in their life together and it's nice when the gifts do just that.  My wife and I used our wedding gift money to help purchase the solar energy system we had installed on our house.  Now that money will work for us for the next 25 years.  Our guests also gave us some cool stuff like an ice cream maker that we will be able to use for many years.  Some of our guests couldn't afford to get us a gift and that's fine, but wedding gifts really can be a helpful thing for newly married couples.

[gimp]

After careful consideration, 24-year-old unmarried me has decided that should it ever happen, I will enforce a very strict no gifts whatsoever policy.

(Also, no guest photography, put your fucking phones away. If you bring out a tablet, just leave.)

[Sibley]

I find the discussion of how much money to give to be really funny. Again, cultural - but I was raised that it was tacky to give cash or equivalents (gift cards) as gifts. The only time my mom has relented was when a cousin married a Chinese-American woman (her family emigrated and is very traditional). Mom did some research and found that in her culture a cash gift is the best. My mom will cringe a little if someone gives cash.

[fartface]

Alright...I have two stories from this past year.

First wedding, fancy venue in the city. Bride is a co-worker...barely know her husband...maybe met him once before their wedding. DH and I attended and I gave them $100 cash. I hadn't been to a wedding in a few years but thought it was a good amount. In her thank you note she thanked us for the VERY GENEROUS (her words) gift. Ok, so I assumed many of their broke, two years out of college friends were probably far less generous which made me look good.

Onto wedding #2. This was the second marriage for my husband's cousin who I barely know (we've probably interacted/spoken to one another five times in the last 15 years). Nice gal and all, but like I said someone we rarely see. I brought the card to the 'reception' with with a $50 bill, but hadn't licked or sealed the envelope yet. Well, the "reception" was held at a tavern with some balloons, appetizers, and cake. You had to pay for your own drinks at the bar. Needless to say, I went into the ladies room, wrote them a $25 check in the stall, and stuffed it in with the wedding card.  They are both well-off financially and I felt they really didn't need my money or a gift for both or their second marriages. She also sent me a nice thank you note, so maybe they weren't even expecting gifts. Either way, $25 might have been cheap, but I felt $50 would have been far too generous so I erred on the side of frugality. :)

[MLKnits]

I find the discussion of how much money to give to be really funny. Again, cultural - but I was raised that it was tacky to give cash or equivalents (gift cards) as gifts. The only time my mom has relented was when a cousin married a Chinese-American woman (her family emigrated and is very traditional). Mom did some research and found that in her culture a cash gift is the best. My mom will cringe a little if someone gives cash.

I was raised the same way, but I must admit, I prefer the idea of giving cash now that I'm attending a lot of weddings where that's the culture. Most of the people whose weddings I'm attending already have the home goods they need; cash just makes more sense. I particularly enjoyed that the thank-you gift from a high-school friend specified that they put the funds toward a (practical) car--that made me feel like I contributed to a smart, long-term, planned purchase, as opposed to buying them a salad bowl they may or may not donate six months later.

(My mother would kill me if I ever gave cash or a gift card for Christmas/birthdays, though.)

[mm1970]

I'll say this much.  I am the youngest and last of the cousins/siblings in my generation to get married.  Every single one of them grabbed a $250 gift from me (except for the one who got $50 when he got married while I was in college) and I usually forked over between $100 and $150 for a hotel night.  This is on top of paying to go on bachelor parties, etc.    I most certainly do not make bank and many of these happened shortly after I first started working and didn't have 2 nickels to rub together.

I am whole heartedly expecting reciprocity when my night comes around next year and I would be annoyed if I felt I got short changed.  Awful way to think but, that's life.

That's very interesting.

So my mom remarried when I was in college.  My step-dad has a lot of nieces and one nephew.

I am about 10 years older than the oldest.  So after I was working, they all started getting married.  I'm 44, and the last one just got married last year.

When they started getting married (in my mid-30s), I got invited to their weddings.  They are my "step-cousins".  Now, I like them and all, but being a lot older - I'm not very close to them.  I was invited to the weddings because they invited all of the cousins.

But I didn't go to any of the weddings, because I live across the country.  (I wasn't even able to attend my own niece's wedding.)

My mother told me for a couple of them "you really need to send a gift".  I said "why? I'm not going?"  She said "well, their parents came to your wedding and gave you a gift."  Me: "But, aren't YOU going to their wedding and giving a gift?"

I admit, I didn't quite understand.

I did give a couple of gifts to two of them, but then I stopped.  I think I get invited to the weddings and bridal and baby showers because they are being polite and inclusive.

[mm1970]

I'm re-awakening this thread because of a very odd wedding (well, bridal-shower) conversation I had this weekend. A colleague and I were both invited to our employee's shower, the invitation for which specified "no non-monetary gifts." This made me cringe, but I love my employee, and she's young, and maybe in her family/community (heavily Italian) that's not considered gauche.

Colleague and I compromised on $125 each (I wanted to give $100--well, I wanted to give $40, but, you know--and she wanted to give $150). We arrived to discover that the shower was quite fancy--slipcovers on the chairs, truly incredible quantity and variety of desserts, etc (though a buffet and held at a venue her relative works at, presumably with a good discount).

My colleague was then very upset that we had not given more. From my perspective, there's no reason that our gifts should be tagged to the "fanciness" of the event: we had no way of knowing, plus it's not really our responsibility to "cover" unnecessary frilliness costs, over and above what could have been and often is an event held in someone's living room.

So: for an event (shower, birthday, etc) that would be perfectly normal/acceptable in a living room or backyard with snacks and a cake instead of a full meal, servers, etc--would you give more because the frilliness factor has been turned up to 11? And what would you do, if anything, if you expected low-key and arrived to find Very Fancy?

(Not looking forward to having to give even more for the wedding--colleague is certainly going to insist on it now, since from her perspective I "won" the discussion about the shower gift amount.)

See, I think this is a crazy amount for a shower gift.  I pretty much max out at $100 for a wedding.

One of my aunts (or two) gave me $15 to $25 for a wedding gift, but dangit, they drove 5.5 hours and stayed in a hotel to be part of my day!! That was worth it. 

[Fuzzy Buttons]

Wedding gifts for people who already live together don't make any sense. And even those for people who have been adults for awhile and live on their own independently. They already have sheets and towels and plates. They don't need $20 cheese knives and $40 champagne glasses.

In most cases I agree, however I am attending a wedding that I consider an exception this summer.  Two of my close female friends have been living together for over fifteen years, but are just now getting married as it has just become legal in our state.  Since they would have done all of this when they were younger if they had been able to, I'm giving them a mulligan and treating it as any new couple just starting out.  I'll give cash.  :)

[mtn]

Wedding gifts for people who already live together don't make any sense. And even those for people who have been adults for awhile and live on their own independently. They already have sheets and towels and plates. They don't need $20 cheese knives and $40 champagne glasses.

In most cases I agree, however I am attending a wedding that I consider an exception this summer.  Two of my close female friends have been living together for over fifteen years, but are just now getting married as it has just become legal in our state.  Since they would have done all of this when they were younger if they had been able to, I'm giving them a mulligan and treating it as any new couple just starting out.  I'll give cash.  :)

Or my fiance and I. We've lived together for a year, but we've been using almost entirely college stuff and/or estate sale finds. Some of those are really good, and will not be replaced. But some of it will.

Of course, we're only 25 and 26. But still...

[oldmannickels]

So I'm getting married and feel like I can chime in here. As a fairly frugal person it is somewhat overwhelming the amount of generous gifts people bestow on you. We still have a month until the wedding and the registry is completely cleaned out. We live in a 700 sq ft apartment and can not hold another thing so were expecting to get mostly cash as gifts for the actual wedding. Give me cash or give me nothing because the last thing I need is more crap around my apartment or junk to lug down to my future in-laws basement. 

[Jags4186]

Has anyone ever heard of a "grooms gift"  . . . like a gift FOR the groom, from the groomsmen? 

I was in a ridiculous wedding last year.  Pretty much everyone traveled to the wedding.  They had planned and basically required activities starting Thursday morning through Sunday for the bridal party and family. 

Along with having us show up for the better part of 4 days (5 nights), we were expected and did chip in for the bachelor party and we bought a wedding gift.  At this point we weren't too thrilled at the large outlay for this wedding but still generally ok with the situation as an outlier, but then the best man chimed in with an e-mail that said something like:

"As you all know it is customary for us to buy the groom a groom's gift for the wedding.  I'd like to get him this $600+ dollar espresso maker.  If we split it 4 ways its $150 each, just mail me a check and I'll have it for the wedding . . . *grooms name* is gonna love it!"

I blew my top at this one. When I cooled down I ended up sending a message that said we already bought a big gift for him and were going to stick with that . . . but I was amazed at the amount of money we were expected to spend at their wedding.  If we would have capitulated to all of their requests we would have had to take 3-4 days off work, spend 5 nights in a hotel, and spend a crapload on top of that on gifts, meals out, etc. 

As it ended up we stayed with some of our in-town relatives most nights and shortened the trip on either side, but still spent a good chunk of money just to be a part of this thing. 

These people had pretty rich parents, and I am sure they spent a shitload of money on that wedding, but I remain amazed at the expectation that other people spend so much money and time to be a part of their event.  When I got married I made it as easy as possible for those that I invited and asked to be in the wedding and made sure to thank them profusely.

I thought it was customary for the groom to give the groomsmen gifts to thank them for all their work... At least every wedding I've ever been in has been that way.

[MgoSam]

So I'm getting married and feel like I can chime in here. As a fairly frugal person it is somewhat overwhelming the amount of generous gifts people bestow on you. We still have a month until the wedding and the registry is completely cleaned out. We live in a 700 sq ft apartment and can not hold another thing so were expecting to get mostly cash as gifts for the actual wedding. Give me cash or give me nothing because the last thing I need is more crap around my apartment or junk to lug down to my future in-laws basement.

Or return the lot of it. That's honestly what my sister did as her wedding was in Minnesota, her husband's family is from Michigan, and they both live in Boston. They didn't want to haul everything from MN to Boston, and knowing our family, people would bring their own gifts if there wasn't a registry and/or my sister asked for cash.

[Patrick A]

I thought it was customary for the groom to give the groomsmen gifts to thank them for all their work... At least every wedding I've ever been in has been that way.

Same. 

[Pooperman]

So I'm getting married and feel like I can chime in here. As a fairly frugal person it is somewhat overwhelming the amount of generous gifts people bestow on you. We still have a month until the wedding and the registry is completely cleaned out. We live in a 700 sq ft apartment and can not hold another thing so were expecting to get mostly cash as gifts for the actual wedding. Give me cash or give me nothing because the last thing I need is more crap around my apartment or junk to lug down to my future in-laws basement.

we're going with the money only policy too. our family knows we've lived together a while and don't need anything really. Money to push us over $50k net worth? that works. crap? no thanks.

[daymare]

I got married last summer and have been to a bunch of weddings in the last 2 years.  I fucking HATE the BS statement of paying to cover 'the cost of your plate', mostly because it is nearly impossible to gauge the cost of a wedding accurately.  Also, the cost of a 'conventional' wedding is likely more than I'd want to give - my own wedding was 18K, and we had about 100 people.  This was basically doing all the conventional stuff (at a wedding venue, ceremony outside, cocktail hour, dinner, dancing, alcohol) but without any of the costly details that didn't fundamentally add to the comfort/entertainment of our guests.  I am quite positive that all the other weddings I've attended cost more.  Except the friends who had a pseudo wedding (with no ceremony) - grilling a bunch of meat and playing capture the flag and shooting fireworks at summer camp accommodations. (It was completely incredible - I want them to do something similar every year for their anniversary ;))

I personally give $100 per person (so, $200 when my husband and I both attend), regardless of what the couple spends on their wedding, which again, I could never actually know with any accuracy.  However, absolutely everyone we invited to our own wedding we invited because they were important to one or both of us.  We definitely would rather people attend without a gift, than not attend because they can't afford a gift, or get in a bad financial situation because they feel they need to give a gift.  We didn't want stuff when we got married, so the solution was easy - no registry, and tell anyone who asks that we don't have much space in our small apt, hence no registry, so mostly cash money gifts.

[gimp]

I thought it was customary for the groom to give the groomsmen gifts to thank them for all their work... At least every wedding I've ever been in has been that way.

Same.

Yes. I've never heard of the groomsmen giving the groom a gift. Always the other way around.

[CommonCents]

I thought it was customary for the groom to give the groomsmen gifts to thank them for all their work... At least every wedding I've ever been in has been that way.

Same.

Yes. I've never heard of the groomsmen giving the groom a gift. Always the other way around.

I suspect he just meant a group wedding gift from the groomsmen (in lieu of, not in addition to one you might give separately), but phrased it poorly. 

[cripzychiken]

Has anyone ever heard of a "grooms gift"  . . . like a gift FOR the groom, from the groomsmen? 

I was in a ridiculous wedding last year.  Pretty much everyone traveled to the wedding.  They had planned and basically required activities starting Thursday morning through Sunday for the bridal party and family. 

Along with having us show up for the better part of 4 days (5 nights), we were expected and did chip in for the bachelor party and we bought a wedding gift.  At this point we weren't too thrilled at the large outlay for this wedding but still generally ok with the situation as an outlier, but then the best man chimed in with an e-mail that said something like:

"As you all know it is customary for us to buy the groom a groom's gift for the wedding.  I'd like to get him this $600+ dollar espresso maker.  If we split it 4 ways its $150 each, just mail me a check and I'll have it for the wedding . . . *grooms name* is gonna love it!"

I blew my top at this one. When I cooled down I ended up sending a message that said we already bought a big gift for him and were going to stick with that . . . but I was amazed at the amount of money we were expected to spend at their wedding.  If we would have capitulated to all of their requests we would have had to take 3-4 days off work, spend 5 nights in a hotel, and spend a crapload on top of that on gifts, meals out, etc. 

As it ended up we stayed with some of our in-town relatives most nights and shortened the trip on either side, but still spent a good chunk of money just to be a part of this thing. 

These people had pretty rich parents, and I am sure they spent a shitload of money on that wedding, but I remain amazed at the expectation that other people spend so much money and time to be a part of their event.  When I got married I made it as easy as possible for those that I invited and asked to be in the wedding and made sure to thank them profusely.

Does a lap dance at the bachelor party count?  That's the most I've given as a "groom's gift". 

[AH013]

Does a lap dance at the bachelor party count?  That's the most I've given as a "groom's gift".

That's one gift I always outsource, but hey, to each their own :)

[LiveLean]

My wife and I have been to two nudist weddings. And they pretty much solve every concern on this board.

Admittedly, these were second weddings for one participant in each ceremony. And before the jokes start, let me stress that both couples were very fit, very tanned and, ahem, very well groomed. (Hey, this is Central Florida. We have a lot of nudist resorts and they're usually lakeside with nice amenities, including hotel rooms.)

I'm not sure the resorts even charge to rent the place -- both couples used outdoor areas. Photography is prohibited at these resorts, though the bride/groom found a way to get shots of themselves -- and anyone else they wanted to have photographed with them (who was willing) in a small designated area with the permission of the resort.

The best part? It kept the guest list waaaay down. Many people just wouldn't come. And you wouldn't invite others for fear that they would come. As a result, you get a small group of people that you actually want to be there. Obviously they saved on wedding attire -- as did bridesmaids/groomsmen. Dinner was modest/finger foods, but good stuff. I think we gave a $100 gift card. No pre-wedding parties or pseudo events.

Think of all the weddings you've been to where somebody spent a fortune on food, booze, and a band in the hopes everyone would have a good time. At these two nudist weddings, everyone has been mostly sober, naked, and in the pool shortly after the reception began.

If the wife and I had it to do all over, we'd do it this way.

[CommonCents]

Wow, I don't think I know anyone for whom I'd be willing to attend a nudist wedding.  I'd be too weirded out seeing my friends naked.  I did naked challenges in college and that was enough.  But yes, this would totally cut the guest list down.  And even +1s people don't know much, complaints about not being invited...  Ha.  Does put a new shine on wanting to get in shape before a wedding.

[Erica/NWEdible]

TIL I'm apparently cheap as fuck. Now I feel bad for only giving $100 at the most recent wedding I attended, despite the prior $80 at the shower, $90 at the bachelorette party, $140 for the dress and $3500 in travel.

[iamlittlehedgehog]

Wedding gift standards boggle my mind. Usually we give a 75-100 gift card. The most unusual gift was a bride asked for 15 pounds of detergent on her registry, I got it for her because I like practical gifts (giving and receiving). When DH and I finally wed we had a pot luck wedding and considered everyone's dish a gift. A few people still brought some traditional gifts but we certainly weren't expecting any. However I hold a steadfast rule - if I'm your bridesmaid I'm not getting you a gift. Helping you hold your dress while you pee is enough.