Author Topic: To-Go Embarrassment  (Read 28341 times)

Gimesalot

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To-Go Embarrassment
« on: March 30, 2015, 10:05:05 AM »
Yesterday I had to go to an overpriced fancy tea with friends, as part of a wedding.  The tea came to $54 per person, a lot, but since I had never gone, and I am in a good financial position, I went.
 
After we had finished, there were two leftover scones.  A few people had mentioned how it was uncouth and so class-less to ask for the remaining food to-go.  When the server asked, "Would you like me to wrap these up to-go?", no one spoke up.  I then said, "I would.  I will take them to my husband who will enjoy them, since he didn't get to come."  Honestly, as if I give two fucks about what a server thinks of me being "class-less"!  Anyway, all of my friends, who live paycheck to paycheck, think I am cheap. 

As soon as the server left, my friend, who is the most broke, said that she wanted the scones but that she was embarrassed to ask for them, so she asked me for them!  Her excuse was that she knew that I would ask for them, and that if she asked me, I would give them to her.  Of course I gave them to her...

vivophoenix

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2015, 10:25:13 AM »
Yesterday I had to go to an overpriced fancy tea with friends, as part of a wedding.  The tea came to $54 per person, a lot, but since I had never gone, and I am in a good financial position, I went.
 
After we had finished, there were two leftover scones.  A few people had mentioned how it was uncouth and so class-less to ask for the remaining food to-go.  When the server asked, "Would you like me to wrap these up to-go?", no one spoke up.  I then said, "I would.  I will take them to my husband who will enjoy them, since he didn't get to come."  Honestly, as if I give two fucks about what a server thinks of me being "class-less"!  Anyway, all of my friends, who live paycheck to paycheck, think I am cheap. 

As soon as the server left, my friend, who is the most broke, said that she wanted the scones but that she was embarrassed to ask for them, so she asked me for them!  Her excuse was that she knew that I would ask for them, and that if she asked me, I would give them to her.  Of course I gave them to her...

that was kind of you. i dont know if i would be so kind.

MgoSam

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2015, 10:35:23 AM »
I have no shame in asking for to-go portions. Most times when eating out, the portion size is massive and I absolutely hate wasting. I know a few people that are sheepish about taking left-overs, but I really don't understand why this is. Let's say that people think that you are a cheapsake, so what?

Also, yikes for the fancy tea. I have heard of places that have fancy tea settings but have never gone for this reason. In my area, there's a local teashop called Tea Source that has very good quality loose teas that you can purchase to brew yourself, or can have them brew by the pot for you to enjoy there. A 4 cup teapot of very good quality will be like $5 and that's enough for a few people, and some of the teas taste good re-steeped. That's my kind of luxury!

NNate

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2015, 10:36:06 AM »
So strange that it'd be considered class-less to take the leftovers.  They're just going to throw the food away if you don't take it.

partgypsy

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2015, 10:37:40 AM »
I have absolutely no shame in asking for to-go containers for food. Otherwise you know the food is just going to be thrown out. Maybe the restaurants should be ashamed of selling huge multi-meal portions?

Gimesalot

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2015, 10:42:42 AM »
Also, yikes for the fancy tea. I have heard of places that have fancy tea settings but have never gone for this reason. In my area, there's a local teashop called Tea Source that has very good quality loose teas that you can purchase to brew yourself, or can have them brew by the pot for you to enjoy there. A 4 cup teapot of very good quality will be like $5 and that's enough for a few people, and some of the teas taste good re-steeped. That's my kind of luxury!

Yeah I also thought it was nuts, but I have never been, and most likely, I will never go again.  Also, it made my friend really happy that we got together before her wedding to has out last minute details.  Also, they did include scones and strange little snacks, curried chicken salad. 

Funny thing was that another friend of ours, used some tissue paper to sneak leftover truffles into her purse so she wouldn't have to ask for a to-go box.

winterbike

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2015, 11:18:56 AM »
So strange that it'd be considered class-less to take the leftovers.  They're just going to throw the food away if you don't take it.

Indeed! One of my only splurges last year was a huge meal at a sugar shack. The place is famous worldwide, and reservations for the season are usually gone in 15-20 minutes once they start taking them. The amount of food they bring you is ridiculous, and a ton is leftover, so they got into the habit of automatically bringing pots for people to bring what's left home when they're done. It's clear as day why they do it too: they respect good food, and know how shameful it is to throw any away. It makes a ton of sense to me.

Ynari

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2015, 11:24:36 AM »
Wow, yeah, that's nuts!  I also don't understand people who don't do takeaway because "It's not a lot of food, just a snack" when 1/3 of their meal is still left on their plate.

The only times I won't get a doggy bag are when 1 - we're out and about and won't have access to proper storage (i.e. it'd be in a hot car instead of a refrigerator for 4 hours) or 2 - there are actually only a few bites left.  I don't care if people think I'm classless, it's wasteful! (Though, to-go containers are also wasteful. I like places that encourage you to bring your own tupperware. Maybe that's even less classy...)

Kris

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2015, 12:15:08 PM »
Interesting.  You know, my first thought was that there's probably a link between her embarrassment at asking for the scones (not wanting to look weird/poor in front of others) and her brokeness, which might be partly a result of buying things she can't afford because she doesn't want to look poor in front of others.


Kaspian

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2015, 12:25:13 PM »
Nice of you!!  I've never had an issue asking for things to go.  It can't be that uncommon--the sever asked, after all.  However, I would feel embarrassed if I declined publicly and then later tried to weasel them off the friend who'd accepted.  That's more of a social faux-pas in my books.

MgoSam

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2015, 12:31:01 PM »
It might also depend on the venue. I remember reading about how country clubs were hurt by the past recession and so one decided to open up their dining room to non-members and how a member was aghast at the type of clientele that were now coming. A point that struck to me was how he refused, "To walk out of here with a doggy bag!" and so left wasted half of his steak.

BlueHouse

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2015, 01:27:30 PM »
A few people had mentioned how it was uncouth and so class-less to ask for the remaining food to-go. 
Really?  I was taught that the worst etiquette breach is to point out someone else's faux pas.  I think the worst part about this is that the only reason someone would even say this is to try to alter someone else's behavior.  Also, i've never, ever heard that it's poor manners to take remaining food from a restaurant. 

I can agree it would be somewhat strange to take a half-eaten cake that you brought with you to a friend's home as a gift -- unless they insisted or unless it was a potluck type of meal. 

celticmyst08

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2015, 01:31:31 PM »
I...had no idea this was a thing. I always take leftovers to-go; it's lunch the next day, can't turn that down!

Kris

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2015, 01:46:58 PM »

Really?  I was taught that the worst etiquette breach is to point out someone else's faux pas. 

Exactly.

And as an aside, in some cultures doggie bags aren't a thing, so I could see it being considered odd.  But that is not the case in the U.S.  Being an a-hole and pointing out an activity of someone else's that you think is weird, though, is the height of rudeness.

Eric

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2015, 01:55:43 PM »
Wait a minute.  That's $54 for tea and scones?  That doesn't come with bourbon or anything?

MgoSam

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #15 on: March 30, 2015, 01:57:43 PM »
That doesn't come with bourbon or anything?

Well play sir!

eyePod

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #16 on: March 30, 2015, 02:01:02 PM »
Probably my biggest regret in life is not getting the food from our wedding tasting to go. They cooked a few servings of each appetizer and meal and my wife and I didn't bring anyone. The next day, we were both hungry and so pissed at ourselves for it. We didn't know we should have brought people and were worried that it would be cheap. So damn stupid.

I guess in the grand scale of things, it's good that this is one of my biggest life regrets. But dammit the food was so good.

We brought friends to the cake tasting though. No leftovers but such a fun time.

eyePod

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2015, 02:02:31 PM »
I have no shame in asking for to-go portions. Most times when eating out, the portion size is massive and I absolutely hate wasting. I know a few people that are sheepish about taking left-overs, but I really don't understand why this is. Let's say that people think that you are a cheapsake, so what?

Also, yikes for the fancy tea. I have heard of places that have fancy tea settings but have never gone for this reason. In my area, there's a local teashop called Tea Source that has very good quality loose teas that you can purchase to brew yourself, or can have them brew by the pot for you to enjoy there. A 4 cup teapot of very good quality will be like $5 and that's enough for a few people, and some of the teas taste good re-steeped. That's my kind of luxury!

I could understand it if it was one of the tea ceremonies where you're paying for the experience and mindfulness and all that. Regular tea? Probably not.

lifejoy

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2015, 03:08:58 PM »
I've brought tupperware to restaurants in order to prevent having to ask for styrofoam garbage :)

No shame! :)

Gimesalot

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2015, 03:11:54 PM »
Wait a minute.  That's $54 for tea and scones?  That doesn't come with bourbon or anything?

It's New Orleans; there was a cocktail before the tea.

Eric

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2015, 03:39:13 PM »
Wait a minute.  That's $54 for tea and scones?  That doesn't come with bourbon or anything?

It's New Orleans; there was a cocktail before the tea.

Oh thank god!!  :)

BlueHouse

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #21 on: March 30, 2015, 04:44:16 PM »
I've brought tupperware to restaurants in order to prevent having to ask for styrofoam garbage :)

No shame! :)
I've wanted to do that!  Thanks, you've inspired me

PEIslander

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2015, 05:33:28 PM »
I've brought tupperware to restaurants in order to prevent having to ask for styrofoam garbage :)

No shame! :)
I've wanted to do that!  Thanks, you've inspired me

I've seen other diners do that. In general I think it is a complement to the chef that their patrons want take the leftovers home. It suggests the food is appreciated. I'm more apt to be embarrassed when people at my table just pick at their food and don't eat a reasonable amount. It suggests the food hasn't been appreciated. (Of course they shouldn't eat it if they don't like it. I just know if I work hard to make a nice meal and it isn't appreciated I feel a little hurt so I suppose that leads to some empathy for the restaurant and their efforts to satisfy their customers).

gimp

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #23 on: March 30, 2015, 05:44:33 PM »
Wait a minute.  That's $54 for tea and scones?  That doesn't come with bourbon or anything?

$54 buys me a bottle of Booker's _and_ a nice tea at the local coffee shop. Or two bottles of OGD114... mmmm.

forummm

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #24 on: March 30, 2015, 05:53:36 PM »
I used to just eat all the food on the table that was left. "Well, there's only this much left...". Then I would always feel too full and regret it. Now I bring my own tupperware with me when I can, since that keeps the food better than those togo boxes. But actually, we have almost stopped going out at all. We don't really miss it. I cook really well at home and it's cheap.

sheepstache

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #25 on: March 30, 2015, 06:30:28 PM »
AH HA HA this story is excellent, thank you.

Kalergie

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #26 on: March 30, 2015, 07:28:24 PM »
54$ buys you half a share of VTI working for you for the rest of your life. :)

wordnerd

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #27 on: March 30, 2015, 08:19:46 PM »
This mindset reminds me of my dad. We threw away so much food growing up. He grew up poor is so afraid of looking poor (which to him means caring about money at all) that he makes perpetually poor financial decisions, which...keeps him poorer than he otherwise would be.

socaso

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #28 on: March 30, 2015, 08:22:56 PM »
If the server asked if you wanted the food boxed up then clearly it's not that unusual.

Mistah Cash Lion

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #29 on: March 30, 2015, 08:30:55 PM »
I have never ever heard of this until now.  Must be a cultural thing.  Here in the US I have gone out to eat tons of times and I always take leftovers if it's feasible.  I usually clear my plate though :).  I know people that don't like eating leftovers but I have never heard of not taking leftovers because it was considered 'classless'.  Interesting.

Le Poisson

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2015, 05:34:00 AM »
Around here it is pretty standard for a server to ask if you want your food boxed at the end of a meal - only exception is sushi where they charge you for the extra rolls, then box them.

Last year we took a weekend getaway in Letchworth State park with the family (a really nice and cheap weekend escape) but since we were crossing the border we were wary of bringing food in the car. Apart from a handful of granola bars and an emergency stash of instant oatmeal we had no food on hand. By the time we crossed to  NY state the boys were getting Hangry, so we stopped at a Denny's for dinner. Holy Crap the servings were huge! We got it boxed, and had it for breakfast and lunch the next day.

Around dinner time we found ourselves strolling around the town of Mount Morris (quaint, cute) and stopped in at a sub shop for dinner, where we were given way more than we could eat. Once again we stretched a single meal into three, and lasted to the end of the weekend. Anyways, yeah, get your food boxed.

Drifterrider

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2015, 05:40:55 AM »
Yesterday I had to go to an overpriced fancy tea with friends, as part of a wedding.  The tea came to $54 per person, a lot, but since I had never gone, and I am in a good financial position, I went.
 
After we had finished, there were two leftover scones.  A few people had mentioned how it was uncouth and so class-less to ask for the remaining food to-go.  When the server asked, "Would you like me to wrap these up to-go?", no one spoke up.  I then said, "I would.  I will take them to my husband who will enjoy them, since he didn't get to come."  Honestly, as if I give two fucks about what a server thinks of me being "class-less"!  Anyway, all of my friends, who live paycheck to paycheck, think I am cheap. 

As soon as the server left, my friend, who is the most broke, said that she wanted the scones but that she was embarrassed to ask for them, so she asked me for them!  Her excuse was that she knew that I would ask for them, and that if she asked me, I would give them to her.  Of course I gave them to her...

Whenever you hear this question just think to yourself "Would you like me to give you your change back"? (Unless the food was bad and even the dog won't eat it).

I'm a red panda

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2015, 06:16:44 AM »
If the server asked if you wanted the food boxed up then clearly it's not that unusual.

This was my thought. Maybe it would be weird to -ask- in a fancy place, but the server asked you.  Why would they ask if the only acceptable answer was no?


I was once in an Indian restaurant in NJ, and my dining companion told the server "we'd like the rest of this to go". He took our plates (many places box things up for you, especially more expensive places, so nothing unusual there), left, and came back with the bill- no boxes.  He apparently took that to mean "to go away" and threw our food out.  We were mostly done, so I figured no big deal, but she threw a fit and demanded they make meals to give her to go. That seemed silly. 

dude

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2015, 06:53:56 AM »
Are you kidding me?  Every year at my wife's work holiday party, there is an enormous amount of food left over, and every year, we take it, because nobody else will!  It's fucking paid for and is destined for the garbage can otherwise!  In past years, I've taken home 5-6lbs. of sirloin, but this year was the best -- took home about 40 mini-lobster rolls; took the lobster salad out of the rolls when we got home, and it was easily like 3 quarts, which would be something like $100 or more worth of lobster salad at the local market (I ate lobster salad and eggs for breakfast for like 4 days, and put if over salad greens for a few lunches).  Hell yes I'm taking that shit home (and I make more than enough money to buy my own).  It's fucking WASTEFUL to let that food get thrown away, and I HATE WASTE!

Bardo

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #34 on: March 31, 2015, 07:00:36 AM »
$54 for tea and scones and people think it would be classless not to leave food?!  Seriously?  At that price for tea I would try to walk out with the butter and jam!


golden1

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #35 on: March 31, 2015, 08:35:40 AM »
So strange.  One of the best parts of eating out is that I get two meals out of instead of one, most of the time anyway. 

libertarian4321

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #36 on: March 31, 2015, 08:46:04 AM »
The tea came to $54 per person, a lot, but since I had never gone, and I am in a good financial position, I went.
 

OMG, finally a place that makes Starbucks look like a frugal choice.

Jack

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #37 on: March 31, 2015, 09:00:12 AM »
Not only do I have no problem with taking food home, but there's one restaurant I go to that has a really tasty all-you-can-eat salad, so I plan to fill up on salad and take half my entree home.

Joshin

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #38 on: March 31, 2015, 09:22:07 AM »
I've only seen this belief first hand is one person. My MIL was raised quite poor, and she thinks it's tacky to take a to-go box.

Oddly enough, my grandmother was extremely well off from birth to death. She also wrapped up food in napkins and stuck them in her purse every time she went out to eat, and she was never shy about asking for a box.


MgoSam

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #39 on: March 31, 2015, 09:27:35 AM »
So I love going to the opera (under 40s have a special deal so it isn't that expensive) and while there with some friends I was talking to a friend of mine and found out that he lives right near the performance hall. I asked him if he has a guest parking spot at his apartment building and he said yes and that I could use it. My friends were aghast that I would ask such a thing of a friend, and in my head I was confused, "Wait, so you want me to spend $10 for parking in a ramp when my friend has an available spot that he's already paying for (factored into his rent)." One of those friends that chastised me tried calling him for a spot a month later when she couldn't find a street spot or a parking ramp available due to a hockey game....

frugalnacho

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #40 on: March 31, 2015, 09:27:46 AM »
$54 for tea and scones and people think it would be classless not to leave food?!  Seriously?  At that price for tea I would try to walk out with the butter and jam!

And at least 1 pocket overloaded with napkins.

vivophoenix

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #41 on: March 31, 2015, 09:29:22 AM »
I've only seen this belief first hand is one person. My MIL was raised quite poor, and she thinks it's tacky to take a to-go box.

Oddly enough, my grandmother was extremely well off from birth to death. She also wrapped up food in napkins and stuck them in her purse every time she went out to eat, and she was never shy about asking for a box.

poor/lower class  people are the best at maintaining class structure.

zephyr911

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #42 on: March 31, 2015, 09:29:39 AM »
Wanna know what I think is classy?
Not wasting food.
I don't care if I can afford it. It's dumb and it's an insult to everyone who has ever gone to bed hungry.
I always do my best to avoid it. I eat the most perishable stuff first if I know I can't finish, and I take the rest. I freeze potluck leftovers and I live off them. It's more about avoiding waste than the savings, but not having to buy lunch is icing on the cake.

libertarian4321

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #43 on: March 31, 2015, 09:38:57 AM »
My MIL was raised quite poor, and she thinks it's tacky to take a to-go box.


Why?

You paid for the food.  If you don't take it with you, it's just going to get thrown in the trash.  Why would you not take it? It's not only a more intelligent choice financially, it's more responsible to use the food rather than waste it.

It makes no sense, other than filling some "I don't want to look poor/rich people don't do this/what will the other broke people at the restaurant think?" ridiculousness she was fed as a kid.

This multimillionaire next door NEVER wastes restaurant food by being too timid to take it home, and I'll bet I'm not the only one.   Sometimes we eat the leftovers, sometimes it goes to the dogs. They really enjoyed some gnocchi my wife wouldn't eat.  :)

MgoSam

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #44 on: March 31, 2015, 09:46:43 AM »
[ sometimes it goes to the dogs. They really enjoyed some gnocchi my wife wouldn't eat.  :)

When I had a dog, he LOVED the sight of to-go containers. Oftentimes it wasn't for him, but if I was ever at a burger place, I would save any fries available, including fries from other people for my dog. It would be a treat for him, not the healthiest, but he was a small dog that I was taking on hour long walks so was never fat.

I'm a red panda

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #45 on: March 31, 2015, 10:36:19 AM »
Not only do I have no problem with taking food home, but there's one restaurant I go to that has a really tasty all-you-can-eat salad, so I plan to fill up on salad and take half my entree home.

That used to be my Olive Garden strategy. Except now I pretty much never go out for pasta. I make better at home.

zephyr911

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #46 on: March 31, 2015, 10:49:56 AM »
My MIL was raised quite poor, and she thinks it's tacky to take a to-go box.


Why?

You paid for the food.  If you don't take it with you, it's just going to get thrown in the trash.  Why would you not take it? It's not only a more intelligent choice financially, it's more responsible to use the food rather than waste it.

It makes no sense, other than filling some "I don't want to look poor/rich people don't do this/what will the other broke people at the restaurant think?" ridiculousness she was fed as a kid.

This multimillionaire next door NEVER wastes restaurant food by being too timid to take it home, and I'll bet I'm not the only one.   Sometimes we eat the leftovers, sometimes it goes to the dogs. They really enjoyed some gnocchi my wife wouldn't eat.  :)
I think people, rich or poor, who are obsessed with structuring their life decisions around such appearances, truly are the poorest (in spirit) of us all.

BlueHouse

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #47 on: March 31, 2015, 11:54:26 AM »
I looked this up and apparently, taking the to-go box is less common in Europe.   I might be able to justify it there -- the restaurants there are much more likely to provide the appropriate sized portions rather than American-style "all you and your family can eat in between two buns" portion.

Kris

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #48 on: March 31, 2015, 12:17:00 PM »
I looked this up and apparently, taking the to-go box is less common in Europe.   I might be able to justify it there -- the restaurants there are much more likely to provide the appropriate sized portions rather than American-style "all you and your family can eat in between two buns" portion.

Yeah, that's exactly right. I've never seen a doggy bag in Europe.  Then again, I've also never had such a large portion of something in Europe that the leftovers, if any, would really warrant saving them for another meal. 

Bob W

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Re: To-Go Embarrassment
« Reply #49 on: March 31, 2015, 12:28:02 PM »
I'm totally classless.    We split dinner portions on a frequent basis.   We have brought along food to feed the kids,  brought our own wine,  always get a to go.   Hell,  around here people are offended if you don't want to take the left overs. 

But I gotta say,  even with the bourbon that $54 for "A Tea"  would be over my head.   I'd be thinking to myself  "I just paid $54 for tea and a roll.  What the hell do I do next?!"

(Full Discloser -  I buy 100 tea bags for $1.50 that last me for 3 months, so $54 worth of tea last me for 9 years or 6,500 cups of tea)