Author Topic: The foreign concept of "getting permission" to do things in life  (Read 15359 times)

mydogismyheart

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Re: The foreign concept of "getting permission" to do things in life
« Reply #50 on: December 12, 2014, 02:04:17 PM »
In our company, Sabbatical is actually defined in our contracts under time off.  We are only allowed a sabbatical after 15 years of work.  If you wanted to take more than your allotted time off for whatever year of service you were in, I'm not sure what would happen.  Probably you'd have to leave the company all together, and make an attempt to get rehired when you returned (or get hired elsewhere).  Not sure.  Our company is pretty cool, I bet if you were a good employee they'd find a way to rehire you.  But it would mean having to leave completely, and most likely no guarantee you'd get rehired.

Tyler

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Re: The foreign concept of "getting permission" to do things in life
« Reply #51 on: December 13, 2014, 01:28:51 PM »
I reached FI this year and left my job this October.  It was a good job and I had no intention of burning bridges or publicly declaring "retirement", but I was confident I wanted a career break.  I told my boss that I planned to take a year off and would love the opportunity to work there again in the future.  I also explained that I understood there could be no guarantees of a return by either side.  He was surprised but supportive, and told me I'd be welcome back any time.  My resignation was just a formality.

My decision was communicated to coworkers as a "sabbatical".  I remember one guy saying something along the lines of "I wish we had a formal sabbatical policy so I could take one, too."  My reply was "The thing about taking time off from work is that if you're committed and prepared for any outcome, there's no way it can be denied."  Then I went on a sunny afternoon walk.  ;)

About five years ago, I was at a job where I had virtually no control over my own schedule and was perpetually shuttled around the world regardless of weekend, holiday, or personal commitments.  Company needs always came first, but I could yet not afford the consequences of saying "no".  My mental shift from then to now is striking.  I can't imagine going back to that type of situation. 

DoubleDown

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Re: The foreign concept of "getting permission" to do things in life
« Reply #52 on: December 19, 2014, 12:20:21 PM »
Excellent observation OP, I am definitely of the same mind. It seems almost every day I'm pushing some kind of limit, making my own boundaries, or doing something others consider unorthodox or outrageous without first "asking permission." Funny thing is, others usually see me as the one with foreign ideas, even as they are proverbially walking off the cliff like lemmings. Here are a few that come to mind that I've encountered in everyday occasions:

- Calling out sick: (just had a debate about this with my family the other day!). I say, when someone's sick, you stay home. Unless the f*ing business is going to completely implode because you don't show up, or the Chinese will launch nuclear weapons at us because you weren't at your radar post, stay home. My family (including wife!) disagree -- they all felt you need to show up at work or school unless you are pretty much near death, otherwise you're letting down the boss/teacher and besides, you'll "get behind." Screw that.

- Traffic: WTF? *No one* is going to take that empty lane over there, or you're all going to be "polite" and hold up traffic by not merging as late as possible using the "zipper" method?

- Lines/queues: I frequently see people waiting 3- or 4-deep in lines without so much as bothering to look a few aisles down to observe a completely empty lane that I waltz into. No free lanes and lines stacking up? I'll walk over to the manager and ask him to open one for me or handle my transaction on the spot.

- Deadlines: Someone sets an unreasonable deadline at work or anywhere else? I ignore it (again, unless it's of the utmost importance or in my own interests to meet it).

- Any kind of arbitrary rules: I ignore them unless there are stated consequences (that I care about), or if ignoring them will harm others somehow.

- HOA's

- Schools: These seem to be complete f'ing clearing-houses of arbitrariness. I'm sure all of their madness came about from some good reason, somewhere, sometime (OMG!! You brought dangerous weapon-like NAIL CLIPPERS to class!!), but for the most part they've succeeded very well in turning kids into automatons doing what they are told. Related to this...

- Kids' homework: My younger daughter once had a teacher who, every night, assigned a completely unreasonable amount of homework. We're talking 2-3+ hours every single night for a 4th grader. I discussed it with the teacher (numerous times) and finally elevated it to the principal to get it rectified. In the meantime, my poor straight-A and mindful daughter was busting her ass every night and stressing to get it all done. I told her to screw it, it doesn't matter if she doesn't complete it all, her being a kid and not stressing is more important than the ridiculous and excessive "copying" exercises the teacher had them doing. It was hard getting her to see the light and not stress over it, but it gave her an appreciation for how questioning authority and "rules" can be valuable (I've seen her do it herself now!).

- Just last night I sent a response to an offer I got, a couple of days past the due date for my response (I had to return it late for reasons I can't explain here). I imagine 99% of people would tell themselves "Oh, this offer expired, it's too late so I'll forget it."

- Bad actors or bad customer service: I'm kind of a legend (in my own mind) in not allowing myself or others to get screwed over by bad actors. I don't let it drop, and I don't take no for an answer. I'd like to think I'm not a dick about it and keep it all professional and pleasant, but I'm sure my persistence pisses some off. I don't do it to be a trivial jerk, and only when the outcome actually matters -- for example, insurers trying to deny claims that should be covered.

- Over-criminalization in general: This is a whole topic in itself. The very fact that the U.S. has so many people incarcerated demonstrates just how pervasive this is. I'll continue to break those dumb rules.

mm1970

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Re: The foreign concept of "getting permission" to do things in life
« Reply #53 on: December 19, 2014, 01:13:03 PM »
Excellent observation OP, I am definitely of the same mind. It seems almost every day I'm pushing some kind of limit, making my own boundaries, or doing something others consider unorthodox or outrageous without first "asking permission." Funny thing is, others usually see me as the one with foreign ideas, even as they are proverbially walking off the cliff like lemmings. Here are a few that come to mind that I've encountered in everyday occasions:

- Calling out sick: (just had a debate about this with my family the other day!). I say, when someone's sick, you stay home. Unless the f*ing business is going to completely implode because you don't show up, or the Chinese will launch nuclear weapons at us because you weren't at your radar post, stay home. My family (including wife!) disagree -- they all felt you need to show up at work or school unless you are pretty much near death, otherwise you're letting down the boss/teacher and besides, you'll "get behind." Screw that.

- Traffic: WTF? *No one* is going to take that empty lane over there, or you're all going to be "polite" and hold up traffic by not merging as late as possible using the "zipper" method?

- Deadlines: Someone sets an unreasonable deadline at work or anywhere else? I ignore it (again, unless it's of the utmost importance or in my own interests to meet it).


- Bad actors or bad customer service: I'm kind of a legend (in my own mind) in not allowing myself or others to get screwed over by bad actors. I don't let it drop, and I don't take no for an answer. I'd like to think I'm not a dick about it and keep it all professional and pleasant, but I'm sure my persistence pisses some off. I don't do it to be a trivial jerk, and only when the outcome actually matters -- for example, insurers trying to deny claims that should be covered.


YES!  I can especially relate to these.  My son had surgery in April of 2013 when he was 9 months old.  We got the FINAL bill last month because of insurance companies refusing to pay or the hospital incorrectly billing.  But we didn't give up and our total out of pocket?  Zero, for a >$20k surgery.  (Our actual cost should have been $165 from my insurance, but my husband's HSA covered that.)