So, the Venomous Spaz Beast earned her official certification as my hearing ear dog a little more than a year ago. She alerts me to things in my environment I can no longer hear, she tells me when I'm about to have a migraine, and before she even earned her service dog credentials she saved the house from burning down. We're blissfully happy, almost to the point of over-attachment on my part. On the rare cases I emerge from the love coma, I recognize that if anything happened to the VSB I'd be a candidate for suicide watch. That's not such a good thing. Also, is the constant basking in unconditional love good for my productivity? Yes, I travel with the VSB-- as I should. Yet I'm concerned about the wee creature waiting at home for me while I work. Are our two solitudes healthy for us?
Enter the Piss Biscuit. He's a three-legged Chihuahua, about ten years old, with a lot of trauma in his background. He was mutilated when someone threw him and one of his brothers into a yard with a large, aggressive dog. He lost a rear leg and was attacked again while in foster care. His original family became homeless and didn't want him back. The family fostering him (neighbors of mine) found a home for his surviving brother, but not the PB. They have noted that he's not really happy there in a house with lots of kids and animals. So they left him with us while they went on a multi-day camping trip. PB is staying with us. The first day, he escaped from containment, chewed up the front door mat, barked loud enough for my neighbor to text and ask if the (usually silent) VSB was hurt, and peed on the carpet several times. Since then, he's dialed down on the chewing and barking. His tail is no longer tucked as much, he's snuggling up, and overall he's not a bad dog. Not sure about the pee marking behavior: the VSB says there is progress but she is still annoyed. There's an obvious difference between the highly trained VSB who passed the Public Access Test, who obeys hand signals, who can practically speak French, and who is incredibly cute. That's because the VSB (due in part to the year she spent in training) acts like an alien from outer space or possibly an avatar of a mighty demonic overlord. Although the VSB is shaped like a dog and has a fondness for bacon, she has infernal knowledge and powers beyond the ken of the normal canine. She basically has near-human intelligence despite occupying a 2 kilogram body, with a brain the size of a walnut (shell off, not shell on). Not so with the PB who is obviously just a dog and a fugly and badly trained one at that. We taught him how to walk on a leash the first day and he only fear-bit me once, but the VSB is disgusted by his lack of fuss and platz capability.
The VSB disliked the PB intensely at first and has been training him. She seems to have fixed the chewing and at least some of the barking. If we can get through the peeing behavior the Piss Biscuit may actually be a good dog. He likes to sleep in the bed with us. The VSB is annoyed but seems to have gotten over it, especially last night when she realized that if the PB holds down the covers on one side of me and she snuggles up on the other, I am effectively dog-stapled to the bed and cannot move. The VSB is starting to be amused although she still does not like the idea of sharing me.
What the hell am I thinking, taking in a dog that I think needs a trip to the dentist and a nail trim? I think the foster family might care for him when I'm out of town but am I seriously considering inviting him to stay? I believe I might be. Talk me out of it, please.
