Author Topic: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding  (Read 12643 times)

AnnaGrowsAMustache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1094
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #50 on: June 15, 2019, 07:22:42 PM »
If you can't afford to pay for your own wedding, you can't afford a wedding. No reason why daddy should pay in this day and age.

Bloop Bloop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1245
  • Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #51 on: June 15, 2019, 08:52:40 PM »
Honestly, I also have a problem with the multimillionaire dad. It's not that he's not putting up more money - it's that he's expecting all three other parents to match his contribution.
Exactly! It wasn't long ago that Father of the Bride traditionally paid the bulk of the costs, for him to feel the other parents who have lesser means should pay equally is stingy indeed. A $7,500 wedding celebration can be just fine, even for families with millionaires, but a millionaire who expects others to contribute equally to a $30,000 celebration is not.

At least the bride is also admitting that she is partly at fault for committing to expenses without a clear plan for how they would be paid for. I think bride and groom should pay for the wedding that they planned, booked, and invited people to. I don't think bride should cut traditional father-bride items from the celebration out of spite.

I don't think the multimillionaire father is being unreasonable at all. To even agree to pay for 1/4, or any at all, of a wedding is a generous thing to do, and should not be questioned. No one is obliged to pay for your wedding, except yourself.

The couple in question are ingrates, entitled, and are trying to live a lifestyle above their means. They are buying into the wedding industry's marketing.

I would be incredibly appalled if I let my partner's parents pay anything for our wedding. She would be too. Our wedding is something we (she and I) will pay for ourselves. We have no expectation of anyone else paying. We have no expectation of receiving anything in return. Any other approach (where there is an expectation of others paying for your own party) is stupid and irresponsible.

If you can't afford to throw a party, then don't. Simple manners/etiquette.

Most of the weddings I've been to cost $30,000 - $40,000. I'm not kidding. I know how much weddings cost because I've been doing early planning for my own. It's ridiculous. My partner and I have budgeted $20,000 for ours. I've had a few friends earnestly ask me why my budget is so low. I just say that I don't feel comfortable spending more on something that's meant to be an intimate celebration and not an instagram show-off piece.

mountain mustache

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 457
  • Age: 29
  • Location: Colorado
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #52 on: June 16, 2019, 07:11:43 AM »
Want a fancy wedding? Pay for it yourself...it's really that simple. I hate the traditional expectations of family involvement in paying for a wedding. If money is offered freely and without further obligation, that is one thing..but to have the expectation that parents will pay just has never made sense to me. I will likely be in my mid 30s when I get married, and I know for a fact that my parents would not pitch in. And I would never ask.

 This is obviously just my personal opinion, and I am in no way trying to offend anyone who got money from their parents for their wedding, etc...but I have just never understood why I would make a life choice, I would make a commitment of marriage to someone, and then ask my parents for money to throw a party. It would make me really uncomfortable to involve my parents financially in my life like that. Thankfully my parents agree (might be the only thing we agree on, haha) and have no expectation that I will ever be having a traditional wedding.

joleran

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 195
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #53 on: June 16, 2019, 08:06:22 AM »
On the other hand, my wife's parents offered to pay for most everything and chose to spend $15k for a fancy affair.  I kept telling them that I appreciated it but I wouldn't spend that money myself.  It was nice though.

BFive55

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 41
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #54 on: June 17, 2019, 06:11:26 PM »
I hate how expensive weddings have become.

There was a sort of horror wedding story but it didn't really involve money. Though I guess it sort of did. My ex-step sibling wanted to get married in this boat house they had partied at while in college. The boat house was a really cool venue. It was big and more of a boat house night club than a "boat house". It was on an inlet, a marsh, and the scenery was gorgeous.

So the venue owner would rent out to partiers for like $1,000 for a night. But when the owner found out it was a wedding, jacked the price to like $7-8,000. The owner did not clean the place as he had promised and didn't do anything he'd promised.

He knew my extended family and friends would clean up and prepare everything because this was THE wedding venue!!!11 and he had everyone over a barrel.

I hate the idea that weddings need to be super expensive to be nice. I want to get married at the court house and then have a small ceremony at a nice restaurant for maybe 30-50 people and cost less than $5,000. That'd be great to me. Because, statistically (plus with the demands of my job), my marriage will probably end in divorce.

Now.... now... I do know a guy (who was bad with money, he had like over $1,000/month in car payments and made less than I did and I would never have done anything that crazy) who DID go to the court house and get a marriage certificate and then go out to lunch or dinner with just him and his new wife. That was a prudent financial move... and I think she made him get rid of his expensive car and motorcycle.

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3666
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #55 on: June 18, 2019, 07:02:49 AM »
Want a fancy wedding? Pay for it yourself...it's really that simple. I hate the traditional expectations of family involvement in paying for a wedding. If money is offered freely and without further obligation, that is one thing..but to have the expectation that parents will pay just has never made sense to me. I will likely be in my mid 30s when I get married, and I know for a fact that my parents would not pitch in. And I would never ask.

 This is obviously just my personal opinion, and I am in no way trying to offend anyone who got money from their parents for their wedding, etc...but I have just never understood why I would make a life choice, I would make a commitment of marriage to someone, and then ask my parents for money to throw a party. It would make me really uncomfortable to involve my parents financially in my life like that. Thankfully my parents agree (might be the only thing we agree on, haha) and have no expectation that I will ever be having a traditional wedding.

It is a tradition in some families. When my nephew got married it was at a fancy club, full wedding party, formalwear, etc, while I know my nephew didn't care about that kind of stuff. But her family had been saving for her wedding and that was the way it was going to happen. It actually was nice to be part of it and officially celebrate, meet the other side of the family.

Since every family is different, it is good NOT to make assumptions, and simply ask ones parents hey if I got married, do you have any preferences? i eloped, and I thought I was doing my parents a favor. I hurt their feelings both that there wasn't a formal party they could invite family to and that they weren't asked/told ahead of time. In retrospect it was a faux pas the way I did it.   
« Last Edit: June 18, 2019, 07:04:51 AM by partgypsy »

Villanelle

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3256
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #56 on: June 18, 2019, 04:19:51 PM »
Want a fancy wedding? Pay for it yourself...it's really that simple. I hate the traditional expectations of family involvement in paying for a wedding. If money is offered freely and without further obligation, that is one thing..but to have the expectation that parents will pay just has never made sense to me. I will likely be in my mid 30s when I get married, and I know for a fact that my parents would not pitch in. And I would never ask.

 This is obviously just my personal opinion, and I am in no way trying to offend anyone who got money from their parents for their wedding, etc...but I have just never understood why I would make a life choice, I would make a commitment of marriage to someone, and then ask my parents for money to throw a party. It would make me really uncomfortable to involve my parents financially in my life like that. Thankfully my parents agree (might be the only thing we agree on, haha) and have no expectation that I will ever be having a traditional wedding.

It is a tradition in some families. When my nephew got married it was at a fancy club, full wedding party, formalwear, etc, while I know my nephew didn't care about that kind of stuff. But her family had been saving for her wedding and that was the way it was going to happen. It actually was nice to be part of it and officially celebrate, meet the other side of the family.

Since every family is different, it is good NOT to make assumptions, and simply ask ones parents hey if I got married, do you have any preferences? i eloped, and I thought I was doing my parents a favor. I hurt their feelings both that there wasn't a formal party they could invite family to and that they weren't asked/told ahead of time. In retrospect it was a faux pas the way I did it.   

This is pretty much my thinking, too.  I'd never assume that parents or anyone else would pay for a wedding, and yet I instinctively knew mine would  I'd have been 100% fine if they hadn't, but it would have been a surprise.  They love entertaining and hosting large parties.  It doesn't mean I expected it, or that I asked them to throw a party.  Shortly after we got engaged, they brought it up. 

They hosted a phenomenal party that was really special to all of us.  They still talk about it; my mom still says it was one of the most special nights of her life.  And yet they weren't pushy about it and let us make our decisions (though of course we kept what we knew would be important or special to them in mind).  It was a family celebration, marking the extending of our family, and felt very much like that. 

mountain mustache

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 457
  • Age: 29
  • Location: Colorado
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #57 on: June 18, 2019, 07:08:46 PM »
Want a fancy wedding? Pay for it yourself...it's really that simple. I hate the traditional expectations of family involvement in paying for a wedding. If money is offered freely and without further obligation, that is one thing..but to have the expectation that parents will pay just has never made sense to me. I will likely be in my mid 30s when I get married, and I know for a fact that my parents would not pitch in. And I would never ask.

 This is obviously just my personal opinion, and I am in no way trying to offend anyone who got money from their parents for their wedding, etc...but I have just never understood why I would make a life choice, I would make a commitment of marriage to someone, and then ask my parents for money to throw a party. It would make me really uncomfortable to involve my parents financially in my life like that. Thankfully my parents agree (might be the only thing we agree on, haha) and have no expectation that I will ever be having a traditional wedding.

It is a tradition in some families. When my nephew got married it was at a fancy club, full wedding party, formalwear, etc, while I know my nephew didn't care about that kind of stuff. But her family had been saving for her wedding and that was the way it was going to happen. It actually was nice to be part of it and officially celebrate, meet the other side of the family.

Since every family is different, it is good NOT to make assumptions, and simply ask ones parents hey if I got married, do you have any preferences? i eloped, and I thought I was doing my parents a favor. I hurt their feelings both that there wasn't a formal party they could invite family to and that they weren't asked/told ahead of time. In retrospect it was a faux pas the way I did it.   

This is pretty much my thinking, too.  I'd never assume that parents or anyone else would pay for a wedding, and yet I instinctively knew mine would  I'd have been 100% fine if they hadn't, but it would have been a surprise.  They love entertaining and hosting large parties.  It doesn't mean I expected it, or that I asked them to throw a party.  Shortly after we got engaged, they brought it up. 

They hosted a phenomenal party that was really special to all of us.  They still talk about it; my mom still says it was one of the most special nights of her life.  And yet they weren't pushy about it and let us make our decisions (though of course we kept what we knew would be important or special to them in mind).  It was a family celebration, marking the extending of our family, and felt very much like that.

Like I said in my post, it really is just my personal opinion. Likely the kind of upbringing I had, as well as the amount of involvement my parents choose to have in my life as an adult (very little) has helped create that opinion. I just can't wrap my head around my parents being offended if I just got eloped, or them choosing to contribute to a big wedding party should I choose to do that. They just aren't those type of people, and we don't have that kind of relationship, never had even when I was a younger kid. They are pretty hands off.  I do understand it is different for every family, but I don't think it should be an obligation or expectation. Just my opinion.

FIREstache

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 640
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #58 on: June 18, 2019, 07:57:16 PM »
If you can't afford to pay for your own wedding, you can't afford a wedding. No reason why daddy should pay in this day and age.

Bingo.  That's my feeling.   Those average and median wedding cost figures posted earlier are ridiculous.

talltexan

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2889
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #59 on: June 24, 2019, 07:27:05 AM »
I hate how expensive weddings have become.

There was a sort of horror wedding story but it didn't really involve money. Though I guess it sort of did. My ex-step sibling wanted to get married in this boat house they had partied at while in college. The boat house was a really cool venue. It was big and more of a boat house night club than a "boat house". It was on an inlet, a marsh, and the scenery was gorgeous.

So the venue owner would rent out to partiers for like $1,000 for a night. But when the owner found out it was a wedding, jacked the price to like $7-8,000. The owner did not clean the place as he had promised and didn't do anything he'd promised.

He knew my extended family and friends would clean up and prepare everything because this was THE wedding venue!!!11 and he had everyone over a barrel.

I hate the idea that weddings need to be super expensive to be nice. I want to get married at the court house and then have a small ceremony at a nice restaurant for maybe 30-50 people and cost less than $5,000. That'd be great to me. Because, statistically (plus with the demands of my job), my marriage will probably end in divorce.


Bfive55, you must work in a field with intense hours and lots of travel? Are you perhaps a professional athlete or a fighter pilot?

As a member of this community, I would encourage you to learn more about various risk factors that make divorce more likely and do what you can to mitigate them. Having a successful marriage can be a powerful force for reaching the FIRE lifestyle that we all are trying to build.

Tjat

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 562
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #60 on: June 26, 2019, 06:27:23 PM »
Let's be clear: They don't "have a budget of 30k." They have a target they want to spend. Big difference here...

Zamboni

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2562
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #61 on: June 26, 2019, 07:08:53 PM »
^Yep!

And $30K is just ridiculous.

moof

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 578
  • Location: Beaver Town Orygun
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #62 on: June 27, 2019, 09:19:09 AM »
If you can't afford to pay for your own wedding, you can't afford a wedding. No reason why daddy should pay in this day and age.

Bingo.  That's my feeling.   Those average and median wedding cost figures posted earlier are ridiculous.
As someone who mostly self-funded our own wedding, I was deeply grateful for every bit of help that was provided by various parents and relatives.  None gave us anything close to $7500.  We planned it according to the cash on hand, as should be the basis of any brand new financial partnership (with benefits).

Undecided

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1088
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #63 on: June 28, 2019, 07:12:00 PM »
My parents were married in 1968 at the age of 30, relatively late for that time. They were successful young professionals and had only widowed mothers of modest means at the time. So they paid for their own wedding.

Mom was deceased by the time I got married in 1998 at 28 but I'm sure she would have agreed with my dad's sentiment that he would pay for nothing of mine - no rehearsal dinner - nor would he pay for the weddings of my two sisters. His position was that you're grown-ups, not 18-year-olds leaving your parents farms circa 1940.

My old man also gave me a boat load of grief for letting my in-laws pay for my wedding. In hindsight, he was right. I could have - and should have - paid for it. If you let in-laws or parents pay for a wedding, they thus have big-time say over things such as how holidays are spent. My sisters got married at 34 and 39, respectively, letting groom's parents foot the bills, and I've seen how their MILs dictate how holiday time is spent and are generally domineering.

My in-laws paid (and offered) nothing for our wedding, but tried to guilt us into having it somewhere convenient for them and their extended families; they have spent the past 15 years making demands about holidays and visits, and acting like paying guests when they visit us, so Iím not sure if the connection works the way you think it does.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2019, 07:47:14 PM by Undecided »

talltexan

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2889
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #64 on: July 01, 2019, 08:40:22 AM »
In general I am opposed to linking unconnected things (payment for wedding, family time for a particular holiday six years later).

However, I do believe that family relationships include an obligation to arrange for time with the family for important holidays. Things are always more complicated after a wedding (similarly for a divorce/re-marriage) because now two sides of a joined family must compete for time with each other.

It's interesting to me that two different customers are changing in different directions: it's becoming much more common for parents to supply funds for buying a home at the same time as it's becoming less common for parents to pay for the wedding.

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3666
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #65 on: July 01, 2019, 11:01:50 AM »
In general I am opposed to linking unconnected things (payment for wedding, family time for a particular holiday six years later).

However, I do believe that family relationships include an obligation to arrange for time with the family for important holidays. Things are always more complicated after a wedding (similarly for a divorce/re-marriage) because now two sides of a joined family must compete for time with each other.

It's interesting to me that two different customers are changing in different directions: it's becoming much more common for parents to supply funds for buying a home at the same time as it's becoming less common for parents to pay for the wedding.

Honestly I think it depends on the family. My ex parents in laws, the grandparents were involved in planning the wedding and also contributed for a downpayment on the first house. The big difference was, wedding was a cake and punch affair at the church, so it was possible to do both.   

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3431
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #66 on: July 01, 2019, 09:36:50 PM »
My in-laws paid (and offered) nothing for our wedding, but tried to guilt us into having it somewhere convenient for them and their extended families; they have spent the past 15 years making demands about holidays and visits, and acting like paying guests when they visit us, so Iím not sure if the connection works the way you think it does.

Wow - we may be related to some of the same people. For me the in-laws are the easy side of the equation... Similar personalities at work though...

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7172
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #67 on: July 02, 2019, 02:21:34 PM »
My in-laws paid (and offered) nothing for our wedding, but tried to guilt us into having it somewhere convenient for them and their extended families; they have spent the past 15 years making demands about holidays and visits, and acting like paying guests when they visit us, so Iím not sure if the connection works the way you think it does.

Wow - we may be related to some of the same people. For me the in-laws are the easy side of the equation... Similar personalities at work though...
I'm sure I've talked about a friend before.  Back in the 1990s, I had a coworker who had married right after college.  It was Thanksgiving, and I asked him if he was going home.  He and his wife were from the same town.

He said "nope, and never again on a holiday".

Well, why?

On their wedding weekend, the two sets of parents (this couple were HS sweethearts), competed for their time.  So, for example, the bride's family wanted to have breakfast with the couple the morning after the wedding, before they left on their honeymoon (leaving the next morning was common back then).  Fine, no problem.  But then, after breakfast, the couple drove to the groom's parents' house to say goodbye.

The bride's family pitched a fucking fit because WE WEREN'T THE LAST PEOPLE TO SEE YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT.  (Rest assured, the groom's parents were as bad.)

The funniest thing about all of this - decades later, thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with this guy.  Where's he living?  With his wife and kids in Europe.  And had been there for years.  She's a lawyer, he's a SAHD, and they almost never see their families.


Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3431
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #68 on: July 02, 2019, 02:47:46 PM »
Great story.

For years we felt compelled to try to visit with both sides of the family when we went to that town. It was always sub-optimal. It was REALLY important for us to see both sets of parents (their perspective, and DW and I are both "pleasers") but seldom did anyone ever make the short jaunt to our town to spend a long day (or overnight) with us.

Sitting around visiting can happen in either zip code... So can sharing meals. And watching TV. And watching the kids play.

DW and I have made some quiet vows about being more flexible and giving of our time when our kids are grown. Maybe this is a boomer generation problem.

Imma

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2141
  • Location: Europe
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #69 on: July 04, 2019, 06:51:52 AM »
In general I am opposed to linking unconnected things (payment for wedding, family time for a particular holiday six years later).

However, I do believe that family relationships include an obligation to arrange for time with the family for important holidays. Things are always more complicated after a wedding (similarly for a divorce/re-marriage) because now two sides of a joined family must compete for time with each other.

It's interesting to me that two different customers are changing in different directions: it's becoming much more common for parents to supply funds for buying a home at the same time as it's becoming less common for parents to pay for the wedding.

That may also have to do with homes getting very expensive relative to income (where I live the average home now costs 8 x the average yearly wage). With the institution of marriage becoming less of a thing and divorce more common, I guess many parents would rather see their children investing in property, that will continue to have value even if the child would divorce, rather than an expensive wedding.

Also, back in the days when the bride's parents traditionally paid for the wedding, that usually meant coffee and cake at home or the church hall, not the big expensive parties you see these days. Brides would sew their own dresses with their mums. This kind of wedding is rare now.

AMandM

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 992
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #70 on: July 04, 2019, 09:34:20 AM »
Also, back in the days when the bride's parents traditionally paid for the wedding, that usually meant coffee and cake at home or the church hall, not the big expensive parties you see these days. Brides would sew their own dresses with their mums. This kind of wedding is rare now.

We paid for our daughters' weddings, not back in the day but within the last five years, and they were indeed rather like the old-fashioned kind that you refer to. One daughter modified my dress to wear, the others bought $100 dresses from a charity shop, two of them wore my veil (which was also my mother's). No-one mandated the clothes for their attendants, flowers came from Costco and the farmer's market, etc. They were fairly big parties, about 150 people because we have large extended families, and they were more than coffee and cake because we feel very strongly that if people are travelling to celebrate with you, hospitality demands that you feed them a meal... but even combined they didn't come remotely close to $30k.  They were very happy occasions, everyone had fun, and no-one went into debt.

Of course, it's probably not a coincidence that our frugally-brought-up daughters married men who are not interested in conspicuous consumption.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6021
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #71 on: July 04, 2019, 02:20:00 PM »
Joe, trust me that is not a boomer thing. Itís the world revolves around me syndrome.  We never put pressure on our kids and are glad when we see them. When they were younger we always bought their plane ticket to see us. We also travel to visit them. Putting demands on adult children is the best way to not see much of them.

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6243
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #72 on: July 05, 2019, 12:43:40 AM »
Joe, trust me that is not a boomer thing. Itís the world revolves around me syndrome.  We never put pressure on our kids and are glad when we see them. When they were younger we always bought their plane ticket to see us. We also travel to visit them. Putting demands on adult children is the best way to not see much of them.

We have a great relationship with our son and his wife and kids.   When he was in school and we were working full time, he came to visit us most of the time.    When we were all working full time, we swapped off about 50-50.    Now that we're retired, we'll visit them more.  But when my wife and daughter were both on crutches or wheelchairs, he came to visit to help me make changes around the house to make it more wheelchair friendly.   When we visit for the holidays, we usually get together the weekend before or after the big holiday.  That way, it's easier for them to get together with his wife's family.  His wife has lots of siblings so it's harder for them to all get together at the same time.



cats

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1159
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #73 on: July 05, 2019, 02:17:56 PM »


I mean, 95% or more of the blame here is on the engaged couple. How do you get far enough into the wedding planning process that you'd lose $5k worth of deposits without figuring out the small issue of paying for a $30k wedding?



When I was applying to colleges, my parents never really sat down with me and discussed how much they could contribute.  They had a vague line of "if you really want to go to X college, we will make it work".  I found out during my freshman year of college that "making it work" involved me taking on quite a bit of loan debt and I started to panic about how I would pay it back.  I was also miserable at my dream (expensive) college so transferred to a cheaper state school.  Somewhere during my sophomore year my dad suddenly told me that he felt a reasonable contribution from him each year was $5k.  Which is certainly generous, but is no way going to make a $30-35k/yr college "work".  So basically, my parents encouraged me to apply to all these expensive colleges with no real idea how to pay for it, reassured me that things would "work", then kind of flaked (relative to their original assurances).  Ultimately I finished college with about $15k in debt that I would not have had if I had gone straight to the state school.

When my husband and I decided to get married, we eloped at the courthouse with no family because I couldn't deal with the idea of planning a wedding with my parents getting involved.  We briefly promised to have a party/reception afterwards and I had to quickly put the kibosh on it because guess what, my parents were talking about me needing to do all sorts of things that were going to drive up the cost, assuring me that "we'll help pay for it, don't worry about money" and being incredibly vague about what exactly they would cover or what their budget was.

Ultimately we had a small religious ceremony a few months later with just my immediate family.  My husband and I paid for all the things that were important to me (namely, a donation to the church and getting a nice studio portrait of ourselves afterwards).  My parents paid for some massive floral arrangement even after I explicitly told my mom I didn't want the flowers and found them kind of sad/wasteful ever since I had worked in the back of a grocery store and spent a couple of weeks over Christmas unpacking flowers that had been flown in from South America.  My parents also then insisted on paying for a big dinner out at a restaurant of their choice, which was quite nice but which I also did not care that much about.  So basically, my parents didn't particularly listen to me and didn't really help out with the expenses related to anything that was important to ME. Mom actually also freaked out as we were walking into the church about whether or not I had made a donation, telling me that "You HAVE do to that" and implying that I had either forgotten or was too cheap to make a donation.  So ultimately, I actually wound up paying for something that was important to HER.

All of that is to say, if your parents are like my parents, I can see how you can get quite far into wedding planning without really knowing who is paying for what and while also having a strong impression that your parents are going to kick in a lot more than they eventually do.

In fairness to my parents, I was the first child to attend college and also the first to get married, so they didn't have a lot of experience of what the actual costs might be themselves, which I suspect partially explains their behavior.  Still, I am the one who got burned.

LilyFleur

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 54
Re: Stingy father won't pay more than $7500 for my wedding
« Reply #74 on: July 06, 2019, 03:22:38 PM »
Honestly, I also have a problem with the multimillionaire dad. It's not that he's not putting up more money - it's that he's expecting all three other parents to match his contribution.

Kind of easy to understand why he's not still married to your mom. :(