I feel like such an evil stepmother sometimes, but usually keep things to myself as best as I can. But my blood pressure definitely boils. Hence, my vent today.
I have two stepdaughters who are 17 and 14. I've been in their lives since they were 3 and 6. They live in our neighborhood. Custody isn't very formal and their mother generally has not been great at enforcing the days they are supposed to stay at our home. My husband hasn't pushed it because it has kept the lawyers out of it for the most part.
The complication arises because when my husband and his ex-wife were divorcing, she had a very high paying job ($200k+ per year) in medical sales. She's kept this job until recently (another story). My husband was just starting his business and not bringing a lot in. She, at the time, was having an affair and her head was high in the sky and all she cared about was that my husband not go after her for alimony or child support. So he never was assigned to pay child support.
Through the years, he has paid for 1/2 of many of their things, takes them grocery shopping, etc. Ex wife stuffs piles of bills in our mailbox.
Recently, she has lost her job. Rumor has it she's cashed out a chunk of her 401k. In the meantime, my husband is expected to pay many of the following:
-1/2 of 8th grade graduation dress. When husband asked for there to be a budget for this, ex-wife texted "You don't understand how much these things cost. It won't be $250 but it will have to be $125+."
-Their endless trips to the doctor for "back aches," chiropractor appointments, physical therapy, etc.
-Personal trainer expenses (in the hundreds of dollars). Both girls are slightly overweight but athletic, and the ex wife INSISTS this is necessary. Despite the pantry full of junk food.
-Expensive haircuts & highlights
-Eyebrow and mustache waxing
-Endless trips to the mall for clothes & shoes
-Endless $20-$40 cash here and there for them to spend on sports concession stand food, other teenage expenses like this.
-Bought the 16 year old a car and fills the car up with gas as she asks. Kind of a trap because he isn't available to take her to sports practices, etc.
-Expensive daily contacts from the expensive eye place because she wouldn't dare go to Wal-Mart or the other cheaper options for eye exams.
-Alterations on the prom dress (dress was over $500, which mom paid for because she knew better than to ask)
-Hair & makeup for prom
And on and on. They basically only call when they need cash. Mom fully supports this behavior and is constantly complaining how my husband hardly pays for anything.
Stepdaughter had a job for over a year but recently quit because she is in sports and in some difficult AP classes and didn't have time to work.
I'm not exactly looking for advice because my husband really has no say in any of this unless he wants to lawyer up. In the meantime, we have separate accounts. We have a 5 year old and spend next to nothing on him.
Ex wife had this high paying job for years and has virtually nothing to show for it. Just before the divorce about 12 years ago, they had refinanced to a 15 year mortgage. Now the mortgage is a 30 year and almost more than before.
Now that ex wife lost her job, we haven't gotten served or anything yet but are nervously thinking she has some sort of plan brewing. It is sort of complicated because my husband and I own some businesses together, and he has some ownership in a business that I manage 100%, and I'm afraid she may go after that income.
Can anyone else relate?