Author Topic: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)  (Read 4657 times)

SpendyMcSpend

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Best tidbit:

"He's willing to tap our retirement account [to pay for college] if needed."  Why are parents so afraid to say no to their children?

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324874204578438624046614766.html?KEYWORDS=DEMETRIA+GALLEGOS

BPA

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2013, 06:12:36 PM »
Wowsers.  I've told my kids that I will give them $10k and a place to live if they decide to go to post-secondary in our city.  Otherwise just $10k. 

This statement really aggravated me:  "I'm a little sad that Jamie knows as much about the financial side of the process as she does. Part of me feels like Jamie has done her job by achieving so much academically. Making it work should be on her dad and me."

God forbid that your kid is aware that stuff costs money. 

EMP

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2013, 06:18:01 PM »
Ugh.  What's going to happen when she hits them up to pay for her wedding too?

Frugal_in_DC

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2013, 06:58:59 PM »
Good heavens.  How can any sane parent let a teenager decide how to spend tens of thousands dollars he/she hasn't earned?

lhamo

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2013, 07:58:17 PM »
In this case thank goodness the child has better sense/more maturity than the parents!  Financial disaster not far down the road if daddy is serious about indulging all three kids as if he were their fairy godmother instead of a responsible parent.  And paying for GRAD SCHOOL, too?  Precious snowflake syndrome taken to the extreme. 

My kids are 8 and 11, and yesterday I was discussing with the youngest one what a mortgage is and how interest works and how it sucks to have to pay someone else to use their money.  When it comes to college, we are saving what we can and will do what we can to help, but you'd better believe that the realities of the financial costs are going to be a BIG part of the decision. 

savingtofreedom

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2013, 09:31:25 PM »
This article drives me nuts.

I love that the girl is great at math - a skill the parents seem to be lacking in.  I also hate how they don't want to share their financial situation with her.  They also have 3 other girls.

I only applied to one in state school because I knew I would get in and it would essentially be free.  It also happened to be a great school and my parent's could have probably afforded as more expensive school.   More kids need to think about their parent's retirement too. 

kkbmustang

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2013, 09:33:23 PM »
Is this that crazy lady that wanted to not pay the property taxes on the second home? The one who said her husband was frugal bc he walked to the office supply store?

cats

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2013, 11:04:33 PM »
I wish my parents had been more open with me about their financial situation when I was doing applications.  Basically they were all "these places are expensive, but if you *really* want to go there we'll figure it out".  After my first year at a semi-expensive school, they revealed that "making it work" meant "you will take out loans".  I did some math and quickly transferred to a much cheaper (and better) state school.  Seriously, if you give your kids an accurate picture of what's going on, they are capable of making good decisions.

unpolloloco

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #8 on: April 30, 2013, 07:36:58 AM »
Good heavens.  How can any sane parent let a teenager decide how to spend tens of thousands dollars he/she hasn't earned?

I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to let them choose (by saying something along the lines of "I'll pay $X/year for Y years - find a school that costs <=X after scholarships").  Constraining the problem is reasonable, but not giving any choice is only going to cause problems down the road.

EMP

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2013, 08:27:30 AM »
Is this that crazy lady that wanted to not pay the property taxes on the second home? The one who said her husband was frugal bc he walked to the office supply store?

That's what I thought too, but I didn't have time to check.

Reepekg

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2013, 10:48:36 AM »
Good heavens.  How can any sane parent let a teenager decide how to spend tens of thousands dollars he/she hasn't earned?

I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to let them choose (by saying something along the lines of "I'll pay $X/year for Y years - find a school that costs <=X after scholarships").  Constraining the problem is reasonable, but not giving any choice is only going to cause problems down the road.
I completely agree with this. My parents told me they'd pay for 50% of whatever school I choose, and scholarships went towards my half. I thought as hard as a 17-year-old could about cost, and graduated debt free through scholarships and by finishing a year early (and yes, by my parents generosity). They felt good about providing for my education, I had a stake in keeping down cost, and expectations were clear from the beginning.

BPA

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2013, 02:40:00 PM »
Good heavens.  How can any sane parent let a teenager decide how to spend tens of thousands dollars he/she hasn't earned?

I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to let them choose (by saying something along the lines of "I'll pay $X/year for Y years - find a school that costs <=X after scholarships").  Constraining the problem is reasonable, but not giving any choice is only going to cause problems down the road.
I completely agree with this. My parents told me they'd pay for 50% of whatever school I choose, and scholarships went towards my half. I thought as hard as a 17-year-old could about cost, and graduated debt free through scholarships and by finishing a year early (and yes, by my parents generosity). They felt good about providing for my education, I had a stake in keeping down cost, and expectations were clear from the beginning.

The problem with this from a mustachian perspective is that 50% of an Ivy League education is still insanely expensive.  I'm glad it worked for your family, but I don't know how reasonable it is for those who want FIRE. 

mustachecat

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2013, 03:56:50 PM »
Is this that crazy lady that wanted to not pay the property taxes on the second home? The one who said her husband was frugal bc he walked to the office supply store?

That's what I thought too, but I didn't have time to check.

Yes, it totally is! I recognized her name right away!

For others who may not know this writer, read these articles first:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444165804578008431687327750.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304299704577500444006439980.html

Which is why, if I had been drinking milk, I would have snorted it out of my nose at this:

Quote
John and I have spent all 19 years of our marriage budgeting and saving, knowing that college for four would be a killer.


Lady! You are such a liar!

kkbmustang

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2013, 06:05:40 PM »
Is this that crazy lady that wanted to not pay the property taxes on the second home? The one who said her husband was frugal bc he walked to the office supply store?

Which is why, if I had been drinking milk, I would have snorted it out of my nose at this:

Quote
John and I have spent all 19 years of our marriage budgeting and saving, knowing that college for four would be a killer.


Lady! You are such a liar!

I snort when I laugh really hard. I just snorted.

Frugal_in_DC

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Re: Should Cost Affect Where Our Daughter Goes to College? (UM YES)
« Reply #14 on: April 30, 2013, 06:17:49 PM »
Good heavens.  How can any sane parent let a teenager decide how to spend tens of thousands dollars he/she hasn't earned?

I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to let them choose (by saying something along the lines of "I'll pay $X/year for Y years - find a school that costs <=X after scholarships").  Constraining the problem is reasonable, but not giving any choice is only going to cause problems down the road.
I completely agree with this. My parents told me they'd pay for 50% of whatever school I choose, and scholarships went towards my half. I thought as hard as a 17-year-old could about cost, and graduated debt free through scholarships and by finishing a year early (and yes, by my parents generosity). They felt good about providing for my education, I had a stake in keeping down cost, and expectations were clear from the beginning.

The problem with this from a mustachian perspective is that 50% of an Ivy League education is still insanely expensive.  I'm glad it worked for your family, but I don't know how reasonable it is for those who want FIRE.

Good points.  Sorry for not being clear.  The tens of thousands of $$ I was referring to was the money that the parents were considering raiding from retirement savings.

What worked well for us was being very clear about what our family could and could not afford re. college tuition.  We told our son what type of school we could afford.  He was very familiar with options to make up the difference, e.g. scholarships or loans.  Luckily his top school choice, which is where he's going know, is one we can afford.  He abhors debt, as we all do at home, so fortunately he didn't consider schools that would have required loans.