Relatives who just don't get it

[Roadrunner53]

My next door neighbor is divorced and his two mid 20 year old sons live with him. So the Dad says to the son's that he would like to have them start pitching in to help pay for utilities and some other stuff but not actually charging them rent. They laughed at the dad. The older one had a hissy fit and told his father he could live elsewhere with a friend a pay nothing. So he huffed off. About 5 days later he comes home to do his dirty laundry! Are you kidding me? Eventually, his arrangement with the friend must have fizzled and he dragged his sorry butt home. I still don't think either son pays anything to live there. It is ridiculous! They both work. Of course the older one is very lazy and has no ambition. Seems to get seasonal jobs and who knows if he even has medical. He may get paid under the table which means he may not be paying into Social Security. The younger one works under the table and is self employed. So he is also not paying into the 'system'. They think they are getting away with not paying taxes. One day, when they need help or are old and need SS, good luck to them. The older one may be still on Daddy's medical insurance but not much longer. The younger one will be on it for a couple more years. Then no insurance for either of them thru daddy. Because they are young they think they are invincible and will never get sick or hurt they won't bother to buy insurance.
Somehow I envision these two sons still living in the basement as 40 year old men. UGH! Kind of a creepy thought! I blame the Dad for creating this situation. He seems afraid to upset his little boys.

[Plina]

I don’t understand parents that support their adult kids that are able to work. Why would you like to ruin your kids like that? My parents told us that after high school either you work or study, but you don’t have the option to be lazying around at home and be supported by us. They have helped out in form of loans that we had to pay back or if they were forgiven the other siblings got an equivalent amount of cash.

[SwordGuy]

I don’t understand parents that support their adult kids that are able to work. Why would you like to ruin your kids like that? My parents told us that after high school either you work or study, but you don’t have the option to be lazying around at home and be supported by us. They have helped out in form of loans that we had to pay back or if they were forgiven the other siblings got an equivalent amount of cash.

I don't either.

I knew a guy in college who was a complete bum.  Various people would take him under their wing and try to help him out only to discover he was a lazy shit.  Mea culpa, I fell for it too.

Friends of mine gave him a couch to sleep on.  His rent was to, and I quote, "take a shower every day".    It was too much effort for him to do.

While he was away at college his parents moved to a new town and left no forwarding address.

I don't blame them.

I learned an important lesson from him.  Don't help people more than they are willing to help themselves.

[Roadrunner53]

My only guess on my neighbor and his boys is that when he was married to their mother, she was a wretched drunk. They had nasty scream fests out in the yard about her drinking. They, at one point, were just living together. She had gotten arrested a bunch of times for DUI, put in the slammer. Her license was revoked. She would walk miles to a liquor store to get hooch. She went to rehab so many times the insurance wouldn't pay for it anymore. She appeared in public a drunken stumble bum and embarrassed her kids when they were in school. So, I think the Dad has tried to over compensate for what humiliation she put them through. However, that was a long time ago and time for little boys in their mid 20's to grow up. The Dad needs to grow up too.

[saguaro]

So, I think the Dad has tried to over compensate for what humiliation she put them through. However, that was a long time ago and time for little boys in their mid 20's to grow up. The Dad needs to grow up too.

To the bolded:  Agree, both the boys and the Dad need to grow up.   Dad is too afraid to set the boundaries and the boys are more than willing to live like teenagers even though they are in their 20s.  It's unfortunate that all of them were negatively impacted by their mother and in a way it's understandable that Dad is trying to make things up to them, but sending them the message that it's OK to walk over Dad when he makes the reasonable request for them to start pitching in is not making up for that.

An ex boyfriend of mine was being completely supported by his grandparents into his later 20s.   And all because he had "such a terrible childhood".   Which he honestly did and it was pretty tragic what he experienced but still let's just say he milked that for all it was worth and family was too afraid to set boundaries.   And one of the reasons why I broke up with him.   I was working my butt off to get through college while he was not making any financial contribution to his education (or anything for that matter) because of "his problems" and yet wanted to get married, with no idea of how we would support ourselves other than "we can move into my grandparents' basement apartment".   No way.

ETA: My parents also required that after high school, we work or go to school, preferably school but when my sisters dropped out of college, they went to work.   No sitting around for us. 

[Roadrunner53]

SwordGuy, have you ever seen that guy you helped out and did he ever straighten out?

[SwordGuy]

SwordGuy, have you ever seen that guy you helped out and did he ever straighten out?

@Roadrunner53 , I moved out of town and other than telling this story, never gave the guy another thought.

Just asked a friend of mine about it.   Said the fellow moved out of town ages ago, showed up on FB a few years back, and died about 5 years ago.   He said the guy seemed more normal from what little he saw on FB, but then, one never knows the truth about folks from FB.

That's what I got.

[Roadrunner53]

So, I think the Dad has tried to over compensate for what humiliation she put them through. However, that was a long time ago and time for little boys in their mid 20's to grow up. The Dad needs to grow up too.

To the bolded:  Agree, both the boys and the Dad need to grow up.   Dad is too afraid to set the boundaries and the boys are more than willing to live like teenagers even though they are in their 20s.  It's unfortunate that all of them were negatively impacted by their mother and in a way it's understandable that Dad is trying to make things up to them, but sending them the message that it's OK to walk over Dad when he makes the reasonable request for them to start pitching in is not making up for that.

An ex boyfriend of mine was being completely supported by his grandparents into his later 20s.   And all because he had "such a terrible childhood".   Which he honestly did and it was pretty tragic what he experienced but still let's just say he milked that for all it was worth and family was too afraid to set boundaries.   And one of the reasons why I broke up with him.   I was working my butt off to get through college while he was not making any financial contribution to his education (or anything for that matter) because of "his problems" and yet wanted to get married, with no idea of how we would support ourselves other than "we can move into my grandparents' basement apartment".   No way.

ETA: My parents also required that after high school, we work or go to school, preferably school but when my sisters dropped out of college, they went to work.   No sitting around for us.

What got me is when spoiled older son left the house in a hissy fit and claimed he could live free elsewhere but came home to do his laundry. He probably has no clue that people go to laundromats to do clothes washing. Mid twenties and beyond spoiled and immature. When I was their age I was married a few years already, had a full time job and my Hub and I built our home from the ground up. Living with my parents was not in the picture and I wanted out as soon as possible!

[saguaro]

So, I think the Dad has tried to over compensate for what humiliation she put them through. However, that was a long time ago and time for little boys in their mid 20's to grow up. The Dad needs to grow up too.

To the bolded:  Agree, both the boys and the Dad need to grow up.   Dad is too afraid to set the boundaries and the boys are more than willing to live like teenagers even though they are in their 20s.  It's unfortunate that all of them were negatively impacted by their mother and in a way it's understandable that Dad is trying to make things up to them, but sending them the message that it's OK to walk over Dad when he makes the reasonable request for them to start pitching in is not making up for that.

An ex boyfriend of mine was being completely supported by his grandparents into his later 20s.   And all because he had "such a terrible childhood".   Which he honestly did and it was pretty tragic what he experienced but still let's just say he milked that for all it was worth and family was too afraid to set boundaries.   And one of the reasons why I broke up with him.   I was working my butt off to get through college while he was not making any financial contribution to his education (or anything for that matter) because of "his problems" and yet wanted to get married, with no idea of how we would support ourselves other than "we can move into my grandparents' basement apartment".   No way.

ETA: My parents also required that after high school, we work or go to school, preferably school but when my sisters dropped out of college, they went to work.   No sitting around for us.

What got me is when spoiled older son left the house in a hissy fit and claimed he could live free elsewhere but came home to do his laundry. He probably has no clue that people go to laundromats to do clothes washing. Mid twenties and beyond spoiled and immature. When I was their age I was married a few years already, had a full time job and my Hub and I built our home from the ground up. Living with my parents was not in the picture and I wanted out as soon as possible!

This may sound awful, but honestly once the older son left in a huff that was Dad's chance to hold him (the older son) to his decision and let him deal.   I might have gone so far as to change the locks.

Same here, when I was that age I was married, out of the house, working, no house yet but that was OK.   No way did I want to go back to living with my folks, it was not an option for me even if it meant living out of my car.   

[Roadrunner53]

This may sound awful, but honestly once the older son left in a huff that was Dad's chance to hold him (the older son) to his decision and let him deal.   I might have gone so far as to change the locks.

Same here, when I was that age I was married, out of the house, working, no house yet but that was OK.   No way did I want to go back to living with my folks, it was not an option for me even if it meant living out of my car.
[/quote]

I think the Dad thought it was a bit humorous and probably figured his son would come crawling home sooner or later.

[Playing with Fire UK]

While he was away at college his parents moved to a new town and left no forwarding address.

That's one way to deal with it. I can understand the impulse.

[former player]

While he was away at college his parents moved to a new town and left no forwarding address.

That's one way to deal with it. I can understand the impulse.

Yes, much easier than just talking to him.

[SwordGuy]

While he was away at college his parents moved to a new town and left no forwarding address.

That's one way to deal with it. I can understand the impulse.

Yes, much easier than just talking to him.

Maybe I forgot to mention this part of the story.   At one point the people I was renting a room from let him stay on the couch because he had no money, no job, and nowhere else to go.   Room and board and his only rent was "take a shower each day".

And he couldn't be bothered to pay his rent.

What was there to talk about?    Seriously, how could you have a rational, useful conversation that would lead to actual positive results with someone like that?

Do you think they never tried?   

[former player]

While he was away at college his parents moved to a new town and left no forwarding address.

That's one way to deal with it. I can understand the impulse.

Yes, much easier than just talking to him.

Maybe I forgot to mention this part of the story.   At one point the people I was renting a room from let him stay on the couch because he had no money, no job, and nowhere else to go.   Room and board and his only rent was "take a shower each day".

And he couldn't be bothered to pay his rent.

What was there to talk about?    Seriously, how could you have a rational, useful conversation that would lead to actual positive results with someone like that?

Do you think they never tried?

That seems to have been a joke about English reticence on emotional and family matters that got lost in translation. Sorry.

[Just Joe]

It happens. I know two 40s MEN (boys) who live at home b/c neither of them can hold down a job. At one time both made a good living. Mental illness? Parenting failure?

[Sugaree]

How about the family member that pawned an expensive chainsaw over the summer.  He's now paid twice as much in interest as he borrowed and nearly as much as it would cost to go out and buy a new one.

[NYExpat]

My MIL died back in February a 1.5 months before COVID hit big. She had a heart attack due to a replaced heart valve going bad. She was in the hospital for 2(?) days and we visited for when she was discharged from the hospital.  We drove home 3 hours away and got woken up the morning that she had another massive heart attack and didn't make it.  MIL worked, FIL is on SS Disability due to poor health from not maintaining diabetes.  Their marriage was rocky for years but everyone is still pretty upset with FIL because one of the first things he said while in the ER after she passed was "She just got paid and I'm not on the account"  She had a separate account because he IS spendy-pants and has opened up multiple cards behind her back ~15K.

Between her 401K/IRA that he cashed out, life insurance payout and cash envelope that MIL coworkers gave him, he's been blowing through cash on stupid stuff.  We had to move him into subsidized housing, but he doesn't want to give up the leased SUV.  Brother-in-law who was on a joint account ended up pulling some of the money into another account so that FIL didn't blow through it all in a couple years.  His response "I'll play that game".  We'd talk to him about finances and his spending and he's say the right things, but never change.

It's infuriating when we're not trying to play a game, we're trying to make sure he doesn't starve to death or end up homeless. It's not like it's some huge inheritance we're mad about not getting, we just don't want him to have to live at a soup kitchen. And yet the diabetic still drinks pop and buys prepared food.  We're not going to abandon him, but it sucks when people are selfish.  It feels bad to say, but we all assumed he would die from a diabetic related infection long before MIL. 

[Just Joe]

WOW....

[NYExpat]

I suppose to be "fair" not all the 15K credit card debt was secret, but he's always lived beyond his means. It's telling that MIL made DW the beneficiary of a work life insurance policy instead of her spouse.  When you're in your early 30's you shouldn't have more money than someone just getting to retirement age.  I'm glad I got the FIRE bug early-ish.  At least my parents have their act together.

[better late]

While he was away at college his parents moved to a new town and left no forwarding address.

That's one way to deal with it. I can understand the impulse.

Yes, much easier than just talking to him.

Maybe I forgot to mention this part of the story.   At one point the people I was renting a room from let him stay on the couch because he had no money, no job, and nowhere else to go.   Room and board and his only rent was "take a shower each day".

And he couldn't be bothered to pay his rent.

What was there to talk about?    Seriously, how could you have a rational, useful conversation that would lead to actual positive results with someone like that?

Do you think they never tried?

That seems to have been a joke about English reticence on emotional and family matters that got lost in translation. Sorry.

Your prior reply made me laugh out loud :)

[better late]

My MIL died back in February a 1.5 months before COVID hit big. She had a heart attack due to a replaced heart valve going bad. She was in the hospital for 2(?) days and we visited for when she was discharged from the hospital.  We drove home 3 hours away and got woken up the morning that she had another massive heart attack and didn't make it.  MIL worked, FIL is on SS Disability due to poor health from not maintaining diabetes.  Their marriage was rocky for years but everyone is still pretty upset with FIL because one of the first things he said while in the ER after she passed was "She just got paid and I'm not on the account"  She had a separate account because he IS spendy-pants and has opened up multiple cards behind her back ~15K.

Between her 401K/IRA that he cashed out, life insurance payout and cash envelope that MIL coworkers gave him, he's been blowing through cash on stupid stuff.  We had to move him into subsidized housing, but he doesn't want to give up the leased SUV.  Brother-in-law who was on a joint account ended up pulling some of the money into another account so that FIL didn't blow through it all in a couple years.  His response "I'll play that game".  We'd talk to him about finances and his spending and he's say the right things, but never change.

It's infuriating when we're not trying to play a game, we're trying to make sure he doesn't starve to death or end up homeless. It's not like it's some huge inheritance we're mad about not getting, we just don't want him to have to live at a soup kitchen. And yet the diabetic still drinks pop and buys prepared food.  We're not going to abandon him, but it sucks when people are selfish.  It feels bad to say, but we all assumed he would die from a diabetic related infection long before MIL.

Whoa - that’s a lot! I understand how you’re feeling the way you’ve described feeling.

With the disability If there is any money that isn’t directly his you might be able to put it in a special needs trust, but it can’t be his money funding it. Might be worth looking into

[NYExpat]

Interesting, I'd never heard of a special needs trust. Not sure if the diabetes would qualify, but there is also not really enough money to provide an income stream for him.  We've got some life insurance money set aside for when he runs out, but things are definitely strained.

[Sibley]

My MIL died back in February a 1.5 months before COVID hit big. She had a heart attack due to a replaced heart valve going bad. She was in the hospital for 2(?) days and we visited for when she was discharged from the hospital.  We drove home 3 hours away and got woken up the morning that she had another massive heart attack and didn't make it.  MIL worked, FIL is on SS Disability due to poor health from not maintaining diabetes.  Their marriage was rocky for years but everyone is still pretty upset with FIL because one of the first things he said while in the ER after she passed was "She just got paid and I'm not on the account"  She had a separate account because he IS spendy-pants and has opened up multiple cards behind her back ~15K.

Between her 401K/IRA that he cashed out, life insurance payout and cash envelope that MIL coworkers gave him, he's been blowing through cash on stupid stuff.  We had to move him into subsidized housing, but he doesn't want to give up the leased SUV.  Brother-in-law who was on a joint account ended up pulling some of the money into another account so that FIL didn't blow through it all in a couple years.  His response "I'll play that game".  We'd talk to him about finances and his spending and he's say the right things, but never change.

It's infuriating when we're not trying to play a game, we're trying to make sure he doesn't starve to death or end up homeless. It's not like it's some huge inheritance we're mad about not getting, we just don't want him to have to live at a soup kitchen. And yet the diabetic still drinks pop and buys prepared food.  We're not going to abandon him, but it sucks when people are selfish.  It feels bad to say, but we all assumed he would die from a diabetic related infection long before MIL.

To be perfectly honest... there are plenty of people who survive on social security, food stamps, low income housing, etc. If he ends up as one of them, he will have done it to himself. It's ok to let him just blow the money and then grumble about being poor, while family makes sure the bare minimum needs are met.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

Their marriage was rocky for years but everyone is still pretty upset with FIL because one of the first things he said while in the ER after she passed was "She just got paid and I'm not on the account" 

Yeah.... I think that would be a strong signal to me to let him rot in his own filth. But that's just me.

[SavinMaven]

we're trying to make sure he doesn't starve to death or end up homeless.

I have BTDT and I'm sorry to say, it never works. If he isn't willing to make sure he doesn't starve to death or end up homeless, anyone else trying to do so for him will fail eventually.

I highly recommend the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It has a Christian slant, if that offends you, but it's applicable enough to everyone that it was a NYT bestseller. It's life-changing.

[NYExpat]

Thanks for the book recommendation. I think DW may have read it, or something similar. The saga continues. FIL is in the hospital with an infection and will have a toe amputated.  At the end of the last week the DW got a group text with him asking if someone could take him to the hospital because of the the infection.  Several days later he's texting bemoaning the fact that he just bought all this lettuce and tomatoes that are going to go to waster in the fridge. He's resigned himself to the fact that he was going to lose a toe, he just didn't think it would happen so soon. 

[SwordGuy]

Thanks for the book recommendation. I think DW may have read it, or something similar. The saga continues. FIL is in the hospital with an infection and will have a toe amputated.  At the end of the last week the DW got a group text with him asking if someone could take him to the hospital because of the the infection.  Several days later he's texting bemoaning the fact that he just bought all this lettuce and tomatoes that are going to go to waster in the fridge. He's resigned himself to the fact that he was going to lose a toe, he just didn't think it would happen so soon.

Because he couldn't just give it away to people who go out of their way to tote him around on demand?

[NYExpat]

Yeah I'm sure that idea never occurred to him. His apartment isn't particularly convenient for the two siblings who are near, so I doubt they'd swing by to grab it. He was likely just saying that so we'd know he bought healthy food, but didn't mention that he likely still has pop/soda in the fridge.  He did text "I think I'm going to need some more toilet paper soon..."  We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer.  He'll likely be in a hospital for a while, but then will likely not be able to drive for even longer.

[SwordGuy]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

[shelivesthedream]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

[SwordGuy]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

We all have our foibles.   

Constant whiners make me want to get my axe and go all Lizzy Borden on them.   And I know how.   

That short axe I'm holding in my right hand is about to get personal with the other fellow.

[Smokystache]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

We all have our foibles.   

Constant whiners make me want to get my axe and go all Lizzy Borden on them.   And I know how.   

That short axe I'm holding in my right hand is about to get personal with the other fellow.

Username: Confirmed!

[DadJokes]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

We all have our foibles.   

Constant whiners make me want to get my axe and go all Lizzy Borden on them.   And I know how.   

That short axe I'm holding in my right hand is about to get personal with the other fellow.

Username: Confirmed!

Shouldn't it be AxeGuy instead?

[AlanStache]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

Complaining about him in a chat room wont change his future behavior.  "Bill, this is an example of what we have talked about in the past.  If you need us to send you some TP paper please directly ask us - we will be happy to help."  Some people dont get what we think would be obvious clues or read the situation the same as we do. 

[dandarc]

If we can't complain in chat rooms, I can save $50 / month on internet access.

[AlanStache]

If we can't complain in chat rooms, I can save $50 / month on internet access.

Ok but else how will you get cat videos and MLM sales pitches from high school acquaintances?

[Psychstache]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

Complaining about him in a chat room wont change his future behavior.  "Bill, this is an example of what we have talked about in the past.  If you need us to send you some TP paper please directly ask us - we will be happy to help."  Some people dont get what we think would be obvious clues or read the situation the same as we do.

There was another forumite who used to go with (and I have since stolen):

"oh wow. That's a bummer. What's your plan to fix it?"

[Just Joe]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

We all have our foibles.   

Constant whiners make me want to get my axe and go all Lizzy Borden on them.   And I know how.   

That short axe I'm holding in my right hand is about to get personal with the other fellow.

Fighting over a package of toilet paper huh? Or parking space? ;) (Looks like fun)

[ysette9]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

My 6 year old does this and I don’t feed into it because it also drives me nuts.

“I am thirsty. I need water!”
“Oh, is that so? What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m thirsty. I need you to get me water.”
“That is not how we ask for things around here.”
“Mummy, dearest, can you please get me some water?”
“Ah hah! Yes, I can get you some water.”

[ixtap]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

My 6 year old does this and I don’t feed into it because it also drives me nuts.

“I am thirsty. I need water!”
“Oh, is that so? What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m thirsty. I need you to get me water.”
“That is not how we ask for things around here.”
“Mummy, dearest, can you please get me some water?”
“Ah hah! Yes, I can get you some water.”

That is how I have trained my husband who comes from a family with no communication skills.

-I will take the chicken breast since no one else likes that.
-Uh, actually, there is one breast, three legs and five thighs left.
-I will take the chicken breast...it is always the least popular.
-TAKE THE DAMN CHICKEN BREAST BUT STOP ACTING LIKE IT IS SOME KIND OF MORAL HIGH GROUND


-It is so sweet of you to offer!
-Is that "Yes, thank you" or "Bless your heart"?!?

[SwordGuy]

We've told him if he needs something, he should ask for it, but he keeps asking in this really passive aggressive way to see if someone will volunteer. 

I can't stand passive-aggressive behavior.   It's so damn manipulative and dishonest.

I feel for you.

Ugh, that stuff enrages me. I always want to just treat the "hints" at total face value. Like he's just imparted the knowledge that soon he will need some toilet paper. Right. Knowledge received. Move on. Ohhhhh, you wanted to ask meeeee to get some? Why didn't you sayyyyy?

I am not my best self with this crap.

We all have our foibles.   

Constant whiners make me want to get my axe and go all Lizzy Borden on them.   And I know how.   

That short axe I'm holding in my right hand is about to get personal with the other fellow.

Username: Confirmed!

Shouldn't it be AxeGuy instead?

Note in my other hand is a sword that's cutting into his sword arm so he won't be able to hit back in case I miss with the axe...     Rule #1 is "Don't get hit."   Rule #2 is "Hit the other person."   Priorities matter. :)

[jinga nation]

not relatives, but very close friends (2 families), who have purchased SUVs prior their first baby being born, for "safety" reasons.

the first friend said he regretted getting the Euro-SUV since him and his wife are short and it was an effort to lift the infant car seat and place it into position and lock it in. and later on strapping the kid in the forward-facing car seat.

wife was told that she should drive an SUV by the wife of the 2nd friend; she said we did fine with compact and mid-sized sedans and had zero back or shoulder issues (which them friend folk were complaining about). told me wife the next day (when she told me about the friends convo) that she should have replied with "regular exercise regimen of running/swimming, lifting weights, and yoga would help alleviate those baby lifting issues".

funny how people will buy a $30k+ SUV but will balk at paying for a modest gym membership or buying good decent equipment for investing in their health.

[DaMa]

BIL had planned to retire at 62.  He turned 62, but can't retire because he can't afford to pay for SIL's healthcare for 5 years (she's 60).  He's going to work until he's 65.  Since he has to work, he decided to get a new 3 year lease, instead of buying his current 3 year lease as he planned.

He said, as long as he has to work, he has to have a reliable car.

[zolotiyeruki]

BIL had planned to retire at 62.  He turned 62, but can't retire because he can't afford to pay for SIL's healthcare for 5 years (she's 60).  He's going to work until he's 65.  Since he has to work, he decided to get a new 3 year lease, instead of buying his current 3 year lease as he planned.

He said, as long as he has to work, he has to have a reliable car.

....right, right...because cars magically become unreliable the moment the lease ends.... SMH

[Model96]

BIL had planned to retire at 62.  He turned 62, but can't retire because he can't afford to pay for SIL's healthcare for 5 years (she's 60).  He's going to work until he's 65.  Since he has to work, he decided to get a new 3 year lease, instead of buying his current 3 year lease as he planned.

He said, as long as he has to work, he has to have a reliable car.

....right, right...because cars magically become unreliable the moment the lease ends.... SMH

😂

[Just Joe]

BIL had planned to retire at 62.  He turned 62, but can't retire because he can't afford to pay for SIL's healthcare for 5 years (she's 60).  He's going to work until he's 65.  Since he has to work, he decided to get a new 3 year lease, instead of buying his current 3 year lease as he planned.

He said, as long as he has to work, he has to have a reliable car.

....right, right...because cars magically become unreliable the moment the lease ends.... SMH

Absolutely unreliable. We bought an off-lease vehicle. We've put about 60-70K miles on it (~105K miles)

You know the tires wore out and I've had to change the oil from time to time??? Can you believe that? It even gets dirty and we have to wash/vacuum it out. Fortunately, no other problems. YET!

I just KNOW the tires will wear out again eventually. At that point - why we'll probably HAVE to sell it and buy something NEW! The new ones get 1 MPG better mileage I heard.... And the chrome trim around the window buttons has been updated. So stylish it just begs for a person to go into 6-7 years of debt to purchase it. /S

 

[Taran Wanderer]

Omg the expense of washing a car. I can’t believe you’d waste that time and money rather than just trading it in...  and oil and new tires on top of that? What are you thinking?

[ysette9]

Or you could just not wash it.... like my embarrassing car.

[Tasse]

Or you could just not wash it.... like my embarrassing car.

This is my strategy. My car is white and it barely rains here, so it gets GROSS. Every time I see it I am filled with a mixture of amused disgust and perverse pride. Ideally I only see it once a week or so anyway.

[iluvzbeach]

I read a post on FB last week where the person said they took their ~3 year old car to the dealership for an oil change and while there they were told they needed new tires. The poster didn’t want to spend the money on new tires so she just traded her car in for the newest model. I can’t even imagine thinking this would be better than getting the new tires.