This is probably a fairly standard story for this thread. Nothing really new or exciting here. It’s just my turn to rant. Sorry if it's too long for the entertainment value.
I’m a 51-year-old woman, married to a wonderful man, with a 29-year-old stepson who lives with us. Let’s call him DS. He lives with us because he’s just finished his undergraduate degree (he spent several years in the Navy in his 20s), has started graduate school, and will probably be moving away soon, so it doesn’t make sense to sign a lease in this area. He’s at a crossroads between perhaps going to a different graduate school next fall, or changing course to go into a Coast Guard program this November that sounds pretty sweet and would keep in on the road to a military retirement, plus possibly sending him to grad school on Uncle Sam’s dime. Smart young man. Big brain. Straight A’s in college. While he was in the Navy, he made decent money and got bonuses because he was in a highly technical specialty. He built up a couple of IRAs worth maybe about $70k in only a few years. I think that’s pretty great.
He came to live with us originally because he and his wife were splitting up. It was a tough decision for him, but we support him and were happy to have him here rather than see him sign a second lease (he had a two-year lease with his wife that they were only several months into). Although he’s a student, he has an income through the GI Bill, so I decided to charge him $250 a month in rent. Market rate would have been at least $400. I didn’t want to give him a free ride because he does have an income, so he should pay rent.
He was driving an old Jeep Cherokee that wasn’t doing him any favors. He’s been living with us for a little over a year (since June of last year. It’s now September). DH and I have both been doing our best to drum good decision-making processes into him, nicely, not often enough to be naggy about it – I hope. He’s been spending a fair amount of money going out, which is a bit annoying because it’s partly subsidized by the low rent I’m charging him. But it’s his money and I wasn’t going to raise the rent out of spite, especially since he'd proven he can save money by stocking his IRA while in the service. He seems to mostly have a good head on his shoulders, or at least have the potential to. Doesn’t get in trouble. Doesn’t drink to excess. Good study habits. Has a new girlfriend who’s nice and a good influence on him. Doesn’t make big messes. Doesn’t make noise.
Here’s where it gets interesting. The Cherokee crapped out last week. He decided to buy another vehicle. I stepped up and did a bunch of research for him on Consumer Reports and Craigslist. He said he wanted to buy a used vehicle in the $6k - $7k range, which sounded extremely reasonable, and I wanted to help steer him in the right direction. I was afraid he'd just buy the first thing that presented itself. He also didn't seem enthused about doing the research, so I did it for him.
Unfortunately he would have to tap his IRA for a car, but considering his IRA is his only savings, his only other choice is a loan. In any case, it wasn’t up to me. I didn’t like the idea of raiding the IRA, but as long as he bought an inexpensive car, the hit would just be what it is, and it wouldn’t be the worst thing he could do.
DH and I went over several possibilities with him, mostly Honda Fits and Honda Civics from around 2011. He made appointments to go see a few of them. He really seemed on track to get a relatively Mustachian vehicle that would serve him well. We all agreed that getting a new car would be a foolish financial choice.
So… he went to see a couple of the cars we all had looked at online. DH offered to go with him, but he went on his own. He’s 29, so that seemed quite reasonable. Well, the next thing we know, he’s bought a NEW 2017 Honda Accord from a car dealer! Argh! Somewhere along the way he’d talked himself into a new vehicle because he actually thinks he’s going to save money when the expected repairs of a used cars are taken into account. The Cherokee used to suck up money regularly, but it’s a Cherokee. Anyway, he already did it by the time we found out about it, and in my state you don't have a cooling-off period. The $6 - $7k he was going to spend on a used car became a down payment for the new car. {Face palm} He’s got a $250/month car payment now! He kept comparing the car payment to his rent and joking about how he could live in his car if he needed to. What about when he moves out?! He got a 0.9% interest rate, so he won’t be paying much in interest. He talks about running the car 20 years, and how he’s glad he’s the first owner, etc. etc.
He just seems to have caved in and done the easy thing and wanted the shiny toy. He didn’t want to worry about the possible car repairs. He’s not thinking ahead to how his car payment is going to affect his life over the next five years. This semester he’s making less money because he’s on an assistantship instead of the GI Bill, so his income has actually gone down. His plan has been to either enter the Coast Guard this fall, in which case he’d move out and get his own place, or to go to a higher-caliber grad school somewhere else next fall, in which case he’d also move out. Either way, his rent is probably going to go up, even if he gets roommates.
My problem with all this is that I’m taking it a bit too personally. I was all excited to help him minimize this bump in the road, and he seemed on board. Then boom, he goes and buys a new car. In addition, I’m looking at my 1998 Camry sitting in the garage and thinking I’ll never have as nice a car as DS does now. It would sure be nice to have a new car, or at least a newer one than I have. I feel grumbly when I see that shiny new car of his. I also feel like now that he has a car payment, he’s more likely to just stay here at the local college and finish his Master’s here, since his rent is cheap. He’s welcome to stay, but he gets straight A’s now, while correcting his professors on applied math problems. He should be at a more elite school. Staying here and finishing wouldn't be the worst thing he could do, but it wouldn't challenge him, either.
In short, I believe DS just tends to do the easy thing. It’s clear to me now that it’s a pattern, from the car episode combined with other things I've seen him do and his past history. I just hope for his sake that he ends up in a high-paying profession that will support his habits, and doesn’t decide to go into more debt for something like a car. I just know I'm going to hear him complaining that he doesn't have any money to go out, or go away, etc. and it's going to be difficult to not be snippy about it. I can't help what he does, but I can help how I react. I suppose I should look at this as a challenge to take the high road when the subject comes up.
Topic: Relatives who just don't get it (Read 1816080 times)
