Relatives who just don't get it

[Playing with Fire UK]

It's fascinating how they know they can make the loan payment every month but are not able to make an equal saving rate.
Compound interest works in favour of the grand child, but against them...

People are infinitely fascinating.

Wow, my jaw dropped at that one... I think you win the prize for this page.

Excellent! What is my prize? I'm guessing a sore head from banging it against a wall.

[charis]

We rented a larger vehicle for a recent trip that required more car space and a lot of driving.  It was $200 for a holiday week, not terrible, but not the best deal I've gotten.

My MIL overhead a conversation I was having with my husband in which I said the words, "our next rental car" (referring to next occasion when we may need to rent a car).  She misinterprets this to mean that we are getting another rental when we are done with the current one (for what purpose I have no idea). 

When I correct her, she says: "you guys should keep driving rental cars, you get such great deals."  She says it twice, seriously.  Keep in mind that we own two functional cars that we paid for years ago.

[MrMoogle]

We rented a larger vehicle for a recent trip that required more car space and a lot of driving.  It was $200 for a holiday week, not terrible, but not the best deal I've gotten.

My MIL overhead a conversation I was having with my husband in which I said the words, "our next rental car" (referring to next occasion when we may need to rent a car).  She misinterprets this to mean that we are getting another rental when we are done with the current one (for what purpose I have no idea). 

When I correct her, she says: "you guys should keep driving rental cars, you get such great deals."  She says it twice, seriously.  Keep in mind that we own two functional cars that we paid for years ago.

Yes, $200/week, that's only $10k per year.  You should keep doing that.  At that rate you can buy a $100k car every 10 years.  How could someone think that's a good decision? 

[MgoSam]

We rented a larger vehicle for a recent trip that required more car space and a lot of driving.  It was $200 for a holiday week, not terrible, but not the best deal I've gotten.

My MIL overhead a conversation I was having with my husband in which I said the words, "our next rental car" (referring to next occasion when we may need to rent a car).  She misinterprets this to mean that we are getting another rental when we are done with the current one (for what purpose I have no idea). 

When I correct her, she says: "you guys should keep driving rental cars, you get such great deals."  She says it twice, seriously.  Keep in mind that we own two functional cars that we paid for years ago.

Yes, $200/week, that's only $10k per year.  You should keep doing that.  At that rate you can buy a $100k car every 10 years.  How could someone think that's a good decision?

LOL. I can definitely see it being a good deal for someone to rely on rentals but that's only if they only need a car on an occassional basis. Like if they need it for an hour or two once a week and use a service like Zipcar. That way it forces you to rely more on biking and public transit, and makes you more conscious of your car use. I have a car and don't enjoy biking so I'll admit there are plenty of times that I'll get in my car and go somewhere that I didn't need to.

[AlanStache]

Could she mixed up the idea of a 'rental' with 'lease' and '200$/week' with '200$/month'?  A 200$/month lease is not quite 'dumb' - its far from 'good' but still....

[charis]

Could she mixed up the idea of a 'rental' with 'lease' and '200$/week' with '200$/month'?  A 200$/month lease is not quite 'dumb' - its far from 'good' but still....

I wish this was the explanation, but she has never leased a car and likely has no idea what a lease entails or the costs involved.  I also hadn't yet told her what we spent on the rental when she said that.

[paddedhat]

My perpetually broke and in-debt scumbag sibling and his meal ticket have purchased a house on a beach up in the northern hinterlands of New England. It already needs repairs. I seriously doubt either of them has anything resembling the skills needed to fix it.

Had friends who got caught up in this trap, in rural, no make that remote, coastal Maine. When it's time to sell, find a realtor and drive the sign in the yard on Memorial Day. Hear from the realtor, maybe twice a summer,  "there were a few inquiries, nothing serious though". Pull the sign up after Labor day,  since only your neighbors are driving by, and they're broke too. Rinse and repeat every summer, and hopefully, sometime in the next five or six summers you will end up taking an offer for a hell of a lot less that you "thought" it was worth. By then you are so fucking glad to be unchained that you would of taken 20-30% less than that awful number just to be free of the "dream" you once had.  Add in crushing real estate taxes, an economy that shrivels and dies after the tourists leave, epidemic drug use and poverty guaranteed to be nearby, brutal winters, and friendly neighbors (well once they get to know you, twenty, maybe thirty, years from now) and it sounds like your sibling made a wise choice...............................not really, what the hell were they thinking?

[BTDretire]

Obama - smokes, drinks, supports gay and women's rights... WORST MUSLIM EVER!

 Ya, maybe not,
 You probably don't have a TV and missed the news about the Muslims that burned a man alive in a cage or the ones the beheaded infidels. /s/

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

Obama - smokes, drinks, supports gay and women's rights... WORST MUSLIM EVER!

 Ya, maybe not,
 You probably don't have a TV and missed the news about the Muslims that burned a man alive in a cage or the ones the beheaded infidels. /s/

You know that Christians have also done that stuff, right? Heard of the Inquisition? And even at the time of the Inquisition, they did not represent ALL Christians.

[shelivesthedream]

Let's get this thread back on track, shall we? Feel free to start a new thread to debate historical Muslim/Christian oppression/aggression. Anyone got any relatives who just don't get it?

[Guava]

Let's get this thread back on track, shall we? Feel free to start a new thread to debate historical Muslim/Christian oppression/aggression. Anyone got any relatives who just don't get it?

My cousins baby dady (21 years old or so) drove 10 hours to buy a new Mustang with illegal tint on the Windows. It's 2 doors. We live in a state that gets snow 6+ months sometimes. He now has to buy a winter truck. He told me he can't afford to buy diapers.

[paddedhat]

Let's get this thread back on track, shall we? Feel free to start a new thread to debate historical Muslim/Christian oppression/aggression. Anyone got any relatives who just don't get it?

My cousins baby dady (21 years old or so) drove 10 hours to buy a new Mustang with illegal tint on the Windows. It's 2 doors. We live in a state that gets snow 6+ months sometimes. He now has to buy a winter truck. He told me he can't afford to buy diapers.

In a past life I used to have lots of freshly minted new trade apprentices working for me. For the first time in their lives they were making decent money, and being young, male and dumb, some of them just "needed" a cool car. More than once, junior would be late on the first snowy day, and show up looking a bit pale,  since their new V8 rear wheel drive Mustang was less than useless in the snow........ Being cool can be a bitch.

[Fi(re) on the Farm]

My cousin, who with her husband makes pretty good money but has to buy the big house, take the best trips and is in debt up to her eyebrows, just bought a new car. She timed her purchase so that she paid off her old car and bought the new car at the same time so she would continue to have a car payment because "it was good to stay in the habit" of having to make a monthly payment!

[Vindicated]

Talked to my parents last night, they said "Come over tomorrow after work and buy some stuff for us on your Amazon account.  We'll pay for it, but we don't have Prime."   I think to myself, Alright! I can have them pay me cash, then use my Amazon Chase card, and I'll get 20% of the purchases back in reward points on Prime day, heck yeah!.  I don't say that though.  I ask, "What do you guys need to buy?"  My Dad says, "I want to get a TV."  Me, "For where?  Is something wrong with your TV?" (they currently have a pretty nice and large TV, and I think it's only 2 years old).  My Dad, "No, I just want a 4K TV."  Ugh.

To add to this, I know they have several thousand dollars in credit card debt, and my Dad said they're behind on their savings this year since he hasn't worked as much as a usual year.

So, now, do I just "forget" to stop by, and see if they forget too?  Or do I go, and try to prevent them from doing too much damage?

Well, I quite literally forgot.  My parents never called or anything, so they managed to survive Prime day.  Woohoo!

[Ann]

My cousin, who with her husband makes pretty good money but has to buy the big house, take the best trips and is in debt up to her eyebrows, just bought a new car. She timed her purchase so that she paid off her old car and bought the new car at the same time so she would continue to have a car payment because "it was good to stay in the habit" of having to make a monthly payment!

OMG I have heard that exact same argument!!
Why can't you "stay in the habit" by transferring that exact same amount into a savings account?  (Or most Mustachianly, a 401K/Roth IRA/brokerage account).
My friend was feeling the need to trade in her car before it "really starts to depreciate" (like her boyfriend said).  I guess, in retrospect, if you ARE going to trade it in it is better to do it a month before the warranty is up rather than a month after.  But, in general, it is more financially beneficial to hold on to a quality car than to buy new.  Basically I tried to emphasis -- don't just do what your boyfriend says -- don't just do what I say -- research it a little on your own before you say that older cars depreciate faster.
She said that even if it was a better financial decision, she didn't want to get used to not having a car payment.  (Oh, and she really does like new technology that comes with new cars but I wasn't bothered by that reasoning).

[JordanOfGilead]

My cousin, who with her husband makes pretty good money but has to buy the big house, take the best trips and is in debt up to her eyebrows, just bought a new car. She timed her purchase so that she paid off her old car and bought the new car at the same time so she would continue to have a car payment because "it was good to stay in the habit" of having to make a monthly payment!

OMG I have heard that exact same argument!!
Why can't you "stay in the habit" by transferring that exact same amount into a savings account?  (Or most Mustachianly, a 401K/Roth IRA/brokerage account).
My friend was feeling the need to trade in her car before it "really starts to depreciate" (like her boyfriend said).  I guess, in retrospect, if you ARE going to trade it in it is better to do it a month before the warranty is up rather than a month after.  But, in general, it is more financially beneficial to hold on to a quality car than to buy new.  Basically I tried to emphasis -- don't just do what your boyfriend says -- don't just do what I say -- research it a little on your own before you say that older cars depreciate faster.
She said that even if it was a better financial decision, she didn't want to get used to not having a car payment.  (Oh, and she really does like new technology that comes with new cars but I wasn't bothered by that reasoning).

That's funny, because everything I have seen shows the majority of depreciation happening during the first 5 -7 years after manufacture, then prices tend to level out until the 12-15 year mark or so. After 15 years it all depends on condition and mileage and given that most people don't maintain their cars very well, it appears that they "depreciate" faster at that point, when in reality the value only drops because it wasn't taken care of.

[Warlord1986]

My perpetually broke and in-debt scumbag sibling and his meal ticket have purchased a house on a beach up in the northern hinterlands of New England. It already needs repairs. I seriously doubt either of them has anything resembling the skills needed to fix it.

Had friends who got caught up in this trap, in rural, no make that remote, coastal Maine. When it's time to sell, find a realtor and drive the sign in the yard on Memorial Day. Hear from the realtor, maybe twice a summer,  "there were a few inquiries, nothing serious though". Pull the sign up after Labor day,  since only your neighbors are driving by, and they're broke too. Rinse and repeat every summer, and hopefully, sometime in the next five or six summers you will end up taking an offer for a hell of a lot less that you "thought" it was worth. By then you are so fucking glad to be unchained that you would of taken 20-30% less than that awful number just to be free of the "dream" you once had.  Add in crushing real estate taxes, an economy that shrivels and dies after the tourists leave, epidemic drug use and poverty guaranteed to be nearby, brutal winters, and friendly neighbors (well once they get to know you, twenty, maybe thirty, years from now) and it sounds like your sibling made a wise choice...............................not really, what the hell were they thinking?

I don't think it's in Maine. Either New Hampshire or Rhode Island. Somewhere cold.

My sibling does not think. He did not think when he dropped out of high school, he did not think when he threw a temper tantrum and quit his job ten years ago, he did not think when he was hiking the Appalachian Trail and threw away his gear, he did not think when he was a career student for...God, 15 years? 20? IDK. And I seriously doubt he has ever thought about any purchase he has ever made. This house purchase is the latest in a long series of poor choices made without the benefit of applying his God-given intellect. However, my parents are joyful because their forty year old teenager has taken the adult step of purchasing a house that needs upgrades and that, should his meal ticket disappear from the equation, he has no way of affording because he has not held a job for a decade.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

My perpetually broke and in-debt scumbag sibling and his meal ticket have purchased a house on a beach up in the northern hinterlands of New England. It already needs repairs. I seriously doubt either of them has anything resembling the skills needed to fix it.

Had friends who got caught up in this trap, in rural, no make that remote, coastal Maine. When it's time to sell, find a realtor and drive the sign in the yard on Memorial Day. Hear from the realtor, maybe twice a summer,  "there were a few inquiries, nothing serious though". Pull the sign up after Labor day,  since only your neighbors are driving by, and they're broke too. Rinse and repeat every summer, and hopefully, sometime in the next five or six summers you will end up taking an offer for a hell of a lot less that you "thought" it was worth. By then you are so fucking glad to be unchained that you would of taken 20-30% less than that awful number just to be free of the "dream" you once had.  Add in crushing real estate taxes, an economy that shrivels and dies after the tourists leave, epidemic drug use and poverty guaranteed to be nearby, brutal winters, and friendly neighbors (well once they get to know you, twenty, maybe thirty, years from now) and it sounds like your sibling made a wise choice...............................not really, what the hell were they thinking?

I don't think it's in Maine. Either New Hampshire or Rhode Island. Somewhere cold.

My sibling does not think. He did not think when he dropped out of high school, he did not think when he threw a temper tantrum and quit his job ten years ago, he did not think when he was hiking the Appalachian Trail and threw away his gear, he did not think when he was a career student for...God, 15 years? 20? IDK. And I seriously doubt he has ever thought about any purchase he has ever made. This house purchase is the latest in a long series of poor choices made without the benefit of applying his God-given intellect. However, my parents are joyful because their forty year old teenager has taken the adult step of purchasing a house that needs upgrades and that, should his meal ticket disappear from the equation, he has no way of affording because he has not held a job for a decade.

Now this sounds like a good story, more than fitting for the Wall of Shame and Comedy. Would you care to expand on it for our entertainment?

[BTDretire]

Obama - smokes, drinks, supports gay and women's rights... WORST MUSLIM EVER!

 Ya, maybe not,
 You probably don't have a TV and missed the news about the Muslims that burned a man alive in a cage or the ones the beheaded infidels. /s/

You know that Christians have also done that stuff, right? Heard of the Inquisition? And even at the time of the Inquisition, they did not represent ALL Christians.

Let's compare what what Christians and Muslims are doing today,
I'm living today. Yes, it is not all.

[solon]

Obama - smokes, drinks, supports gay and women's rights... WORST MUSLIM EVER!

 Ya, maybe not,
 You probably don't have a TV and missed the news about the Muslims that burned a man alive in a cage or the ones the beheaded infidels. /s/

You know that Christians have also done that stuff, right? Heard of the Inquisition? And even at the time of the Inquisition, they did not represent ALL Christians.

Let's compare what what Christians and Muslims are doing today,
I'm living today. Yes, it is not all.

No. Take this religio-political garbage somewhere else. You're spoiling a lot of people's fun here. Knock it off. All of you.

[nwhiker]

Where to start with my family. I've got stories for days.

My sister who had one child at the time drove a Yukon. Note her husband had a truck so there was no need for a large SUV. Well when she was pregnant with her second kid she thought the Yukon was going to small and got a larger Nissan Armada.

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

[marielle]

My sister who had one child at the time drove a Yukon. Note her husband had a truck so there was no need for a large SUV. Well when she was pregnant with her second kid she thought the Yukon was going to small and got a larger Nissan Armada.

7 seats for four people, two of which are tiny. Makes perfect sense.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

My sister who had one child at the time drove a Yukon. Note her husband had a truck so there was no need for a large SUV. Well when she was pregnant with her second kid she thought the Yukon was going to small and got a larger Nissan Armada.

7 seats for four people, two of which are tiny. Makes perfect sense.

I've got it on fairly good authority that no pregnant woman feels tiny. There's apparently something about the 24x7 sensation of one's innards exploding that makes a person desire space.

[Playing with Fire UK]

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

The idea of an adult going to a parent to replace a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture and then having the audacity to claim that their partner mayn't sit on it because it is "hers". Fantastic. It does conjure up a mental image of the poor partner having to sit on the floor like a bad dog because the "old" couch has been thrown out. I'd struggle if that were my relationship and our values were so different.

[Warlord1986]

My perpetually broke and in-debt scumbag sibling and his meal ticket have purchased a house on a beach up in the northern hinterlands of New England. It already needs repairs. I seriously doubt either of them has anything resembling the skills needed to fix it.

Had friends who got caught up in this trap, in rural, no make that remote, coastal Maine. When it's time to sell, find a realtor and drive the sign in the yard on Memorial Day. Hear from the realtor, maybe twice a summer,  "there were a few inquiries, nothing serious though". Pull the sign up after Labor day,  since only your neighbors are driving by, and they're broke too. Rinse and repeat every summer, and hopefully, sometime in the next five or six summers you will end up taking an offer for a hell of a lot less that you "thought" it was worth. By then you are so fucking glad to be unchained that you would of taken 20-30% less than that awful number just to be free of the "dream" you once had.  Add in crushing real estate taxes, an economy that shrivels and dies after the tourists leave, epidemic drug use and poverty guaranteed to be nearby, brutal winters, and friendly neighbors (well once they get to know you, twenty, maybe thirty, years from now) and it sounds like your sibling made a wise choice...............................not really, what the hell were they thinking?

I don't think it's in Maine. Either New Hampshire or Rhode Island. Somewhere cold.

My sibling does not think. He did not think when he dropped out of high school, he did not think when he threw a temper tantrum and quit his job ten years ago, he did not think when he was hiking the Appalachian Trail and threw away his gear, he did not think when he was a career student for...God, 15 years? 20? IDK. And I seriously doubt he has ever thought about any purchase he has ever made. This house purchase is the latest in a long series of poor choices made without the benefit of applying his God-given intellect. However, my parents are joyful because their forty year old teenager has taken the adult step of purchasing a house that needs upgrades and that, should his meal ticket disappear from the equation, he has no way of affording because he has not held a job for a decade.

Now this sounds like a good story, more than fitting for the Wall of Shame and Comedy. Would you care to expand on it for our entertainment?

My then 18-year-old brother decided he wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail. Fine, said Daddy. It'll be good for you. I'll outfit you with gear. Here's a LL Bean catalog.

So we drop him off along the trail and wave goodbye. A few weeks later we get a call. He needs money. Daddy asks why.

Sibling got tired of hiking, hitched a ride with some people he met, and left all his stuff on the side of the road.

[cavewoman]

My mom used to REALLY not get it, and waste all her money on drugs, drinking, and getting married (5 times to 4 men in 10 years?).

About 15 years ago, she cleaned up and has at least held a job steadily.  7 years ago she married a man from Louisiana.  They bought a house 5 years ago, and all seemed well.

Until, StepDad (SD) lost his job.  He was working for a lumber yard, and apparently told the owner to F*ck off regarding some delivery he didn't want to do.  Well that's ok, he was getting old and it was hard to do that job anyway.  He'll just apply for disability.  (This was 5 years ago... and it's well known that the process for disability can be very long and drawn out, even for people who truly cannot work anymore.  Not the case for SD, I mean I don't doubt that his back was no longer cut out for lifting wood, but the man could have gotten a job)

But still, I thought things would be OK.  My mom had a steady job, and their mortgage payment was about $400.  They still went out to eat and smoked and had full cable package, so things couldn't be that bad, right?

Would I be here if that were so?

My mom and I don't talk much, but in a recent conversation she revealed to me that they had just stopped paying when SD lost his job.  But no worries, because they got approved for a HUD relief program and that is going to kick in, and plus SD's disability is finally going through next month.  The biggest kicker was the reason she tried to give for not paying: "Well, our mortgage company was changed 5 times and 4 years and we were just jerked around"

Well, mom, I'm pretty sure when the company changes you just send your check to the new address, but OK, I'm not gonna get into that with you, not a chance. 

SD also says he is "helping" my dad out with his rental properties, but in reality my dad pays SD because he feels sorry for them and then later bitches about how little work SD actually gets done.

[merula]

ftp://My sibling does not think. He did not think when he dropped out of high school, he did not think when he threw a temper tantrum and quit his job ten years ago, he did not think when he was hiking the Appalachian Trail and threw away his gear, he did not think when he was a career student for...God, 15 years? 20? IDK. And I seriously doubt he has ever thought about any purchase he has ever made. This house purchase is the latest in a long series of poor choices made without the benefit of applying his God-given intellect. However, my parents are joyful because their forty year old teenager has taken the adult step of purchasing a house that needs upgrades and that, should his meal ticket disappear from the equation, he has no way of affording because he has not held a job for a decade.

Now this sounds like a good story, more than fitting for the Wall of Shame and Comedy. Would you care to expand on it for our entertainment?

My then 18-year-old brother decided he wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail. Fine, said Daddy. It'll be good for you. I'll outfit you with gear. Here's a LL Bean catalog.

So we drop him off along the trail and wave goodbye. A few weeks later we get a call. He needs money. Daddy asks why.

Sibling got tired of hiking, hitched a ride with some people he met, and left all his stuff on the side of the road.

I was thinking it was a euphemistic "hiking the Appalachian trail" a la Mark Sanford. That was funny, this is just ridiculous and sad.

[zolotiyeruki]

My sister who had one child at the time drove a Yukon. Note her husband had a truck so there was no need for a large SUV. Well when she was pregnant with her second kid she thought the Yukon was going to small and got a larger Nissan Armada.

Ah, the Nissan Armada.  A vehicle whose name appropriately describes its dimensions.  See also the Ford Expedition.

[RWD]

My sister who had one child at the time drove a Yukon. Note her husband had a truck so there was no need for a large SUV. Well when she was pregnant with her second kid she thought the Yukon was going to small and got a larger Nissan Armada.

Ah, the Nissan Armada.  A vehicle whose name appropriately describes its dimensions.  See also the Ford Expedition.

Also has one of the highest total cost to own of any vehicle.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/autos/research/cars-with-the-highest-ownership-costs/ss-BBhO9n6#image=11

[nwhiker]

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

The idea of an adult going to a parent to replace a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture and then having the audacity to claim that their partner mayn't sit on it because it is "hers". Fantastic. It does conjure up a mental image of the poor partner having to sit on the floor like a bad dog because the "old" couch has been thrown out. I'd struggle if that were my relationship and our values were so different.

Well the relationship tended to be somewhat amicable with long periods of ignoring one another. Then came the yelling and slapping each other, so you wanted them to start ignoring each other again. Eventually he no longer had to deal with the relationship, unfortunately it came about because the authorities discovered he was transporting more than just produce to California on a weekly basis.

[nouveauRiche]

unfortunately it came about because the authorities discovered he was transporting more than just produce to California on a weekly basis.

What else?  Meat and diary?  ;)

Why were they short on money then?

[zolotiyeruki]

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

The idea of an adult going to a parent to replace a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture and then having the audacity to claim that their partner mayn't sit on it because it is "hers". Fantastic. It does conjure up a mental image of the poor partner having to sit on the floor like a bad dog because the "old" couch has been thrown out. I'd struggle if that were my relationship and our values were so different.

Well the relationship tended to be somewhat amicable with long periods of ignoring one another. Then came the yelling and slapping each other, so you wanted them to start ignoring each other again. Eventually he no longer had to deal with the relationship, unfortunately it came about because the authorities discovered he was transporting more than just produce to California on a weekly basis.

I was under the impression that transporting produce to CA is frowned upon.  I seem to remember being stopped at a checkpoint on our way into CA (from NV) and being asked if we were carrying produce.

[Sibley]

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

The idea of an adult going to a parent to replace a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture and then having the audacity to claim that their partner mayn't sit on it because it is "hers". Fantastic. It does conjure up a mental image of the poor partner having to sit on the floor like a bad dog because the "old" couch has been thrown out. I'd struggle if that were my relationship and our values were so different.

Well the relationship tended to be somewhat amicable with long periods of ignoring one another. Then came the yelling and slapping each other, so you wanted them to start ignoring each other again. Eventually he no longer had to deal with the relationship, unfortunately it came about because the authorities discovered he was transporting more than just produce to California on a weekly basis.

I was under the impression that transporting produce to CA is frowned upon.  I seem to remember being stopped at a checkpoint on our way into CA (from NV) and being asked if we were carrying produce.

Indeed, those checkpoints are there. I never had anything with me, so wasn't an issue.

[MgoSam]

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

The idea of an adult going to a parent to replace a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture and then having the audacity to claim that their partner mayn't sit on it because it is "hers". Fantastic. It does conjure up a mental image of the poor partner having to sit on the floor like a bad dog because the "old" couch has been thrown out. I'd struggle if that were my relationship and our values were so different.

Well the relationship tended to be somewhat amicable with long periods of ignoring one another. Then came the yelling and slapping each other, so you wanted them to start ignoring each other again. Eventually he no longer had to deal with the relationship, unfortunately it came about because the authorities discovered he was transporting more than just produce to California on a weekly basis.

I was under the impression that transporting produce to CA is frowned upon.  I seem to remember being stopped at a checkpoint on our way into CA (from NV) and being asked if we were carrying produce.

Indeed, those checkpoints are there. I never had anything with me, so wasn't an issue.

I haven't heard of this, why is bringing produce into CA a no-no? I mean, California is where a lot of produce is grown so I guess I wouldn't see the point as you can likely buy fresh stuff there.

[cavewoman]

I think the issue is more with potential diseases and pests that can travel in - we wouldn't want to ruin the fruit basket of the US!

I remember the first time I came into California when I moved here - I was so nervous when I got stopped, had no idea what they were looking for, and I had some apples and oranges from the hotel breakfast!  They still let me in, though :)

[Chesleygirl]

Maybe I should, but I don't feel sorry for people who spend money like drunken sailors and then wind up broke.

[oldladystache]

one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

[LeRainDrop]

I remember the first time I came into California when I moved here - I was so nervous when I got stopped, had no idea what they were looking for, and I had some apples and oranges from the hotel breakfast!  They still let me in, though :)

one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

This whole time, I thought we were using "produce" as a euphemism for another sort of plant.  I'll be a monkey's uncle!

[TomTX]

Now this sounds like a good story, more than fitting for the Wall of Shame and Comedy. Would you care to expand on it for our entertainment?

My then 18-year-old brother decided he wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail. Fine, said Daddy. It'll be good for you. I'll outfit you with gear. Here's a LL Bean catalog.

So we drop him off along the trail and wave goodbye. A few weeks later we get a call. He needs money. Daddy asks why.

Sibling got tired of hiking, hitched a ride with some people he met, and left all his stuff on the side of the road.

It's actually a pretty well-known phenomenon with people enamored with through-hiking the AT without sufficient experience. Gear up heavily, and realize they either can't make it with that heavy of a gear load (ditching stuff along the way and continuing) or can't make it at all and ditch everything.

I've heard that the Georgia section is a good place to pick up free gear in the spring....

[TomTX]

one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

Happened to us at the Canadian border. Brought some nice home-grown cherry tomatoes to share with our friends getting married up in Canada. Ended up eating them all...

[TomTX]

And I don't see how cars, designer clothes, etc should count as assets because the 529 is.  The 529 is a tax advantaged savings plan with the specific purpose of paying for higher education.

He's saying he is penalized on the financial aid because his family did the right thing and saved money instead of blowing it on stupid shit. It is a good point, and one of the inherent problems with "means testing". I suppose one way around it is to liquidate your accounts and buy gold a couple years before your kids start filling out college forms?

If you still have space, just Roth it all. Most colleges don't count retirement accounts, and you can access the contributions if you need it.

[cavewoman]

I remember the first time I came into California when I moved here - I was so nervous when I got stopped, had no idea what they were looking for, and I had some apples and oranges from the hotel breakfast!  They still let me in, though :)

one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

This whole time, I thought we were using "produce" as a euphemism for another sort of plant.  I'll be a monkey's uncle!

Erm, I didn't write it, but part of the reason I was nervous is because I had a personal amount of that other "produce"!  It was in the trunk jammed with all my life's possessions. (young and dumb.  just dumb.  but yeah)

[TartanTallulah]

When my youngest daughter was born, I must have asked her fairy godmother to bless her by making her the opposite of her ill-tempered, workshy tightwad father, because she's always been the most delightful kid ever, she has a tremendous work ethic, and she's very generous but if she had a superpower it would be finding pointless crap to spend her money on. Her room is shelf upon shelf of scented candles, bath bombs, trinkets and cosmetics, most of it untouched.

She'll be going to college in September.

She has recently started to suffer from an allergy, almost certainly to the house dust mite.

I saw an opportunity. "You can change your bedding and vacuum the floor as much as you like, but it's pointless when your room is lined with shelves of dust magnets," I said. "Would you like me to help you to sell some of it? It'll make your room easier to clean properly and it'll give you some extra money for when you go to college."

"NO! It's MINE!" she wailed.

I'll give her time to think about it, and then warn her that any tchotchke that's left when she goes to college is fair game for a yard sale.

[Ann]

When my youngest daughter was born, I must have asked her fairy godmother to bless her by making her the opposite of her ill-tempered, workshy tightwad father, because she's always been the most delightful kid ever, she has a tremendous work ethic, and she's very generous but if she had a superpower it would be finding pointless crap to spend her money on. Her room is shelf upon shelf of scented candles, bath bombs, trinkets and cosmetics, most of it untouched.

She'll be going to college in September.

She has recently started to suffer from an allergy, almost certainly to the house dust mite.

I saw an opportunity. "You can change your bedding and vacuum the floor as much as you like, but it's pointless when your room is lined with shelves of dust magnets," I said. "Would you like me to help you to sell some of it? It'll make your room easier to clean properly and it'll give you some extra money for when you go to college."

"NO! It's MINE!" she wailed.

I'll give her time to think about it, and then warn her that any tchotchke that's left when she goes to college is fair game for a yard sale.

Wow!  I think that's pretty fair solution!  You aren't just tossing her stuff like she doesn't matter, but you aren't going to let her use your house like a free climate-controlled storage facility!   I'm curious: will you let her keep some things in a "safe zone", like a big plastic bin or something?  Two things from my own college experience:
1. I completely abused my parents good will and used their house (well my old room) as storage for waaaay too long . . . like 8 years after I graduated.  :-(   They didn't seem to care (repeatedly said they didn't) but that just was very unmotivating to sort through it all.  They totally could have had that room as usable space if I hadn't been so selfish.  They STILL don't use it very much, but at least it's not my "fault".
2.  But!  It was very helpful to have storage for my winter clothes  while I lived in a tiny shared dorm room.  And I am grateful I was able to keep old books and fragile things I *definitely* wanted to keep but did NOT want to haul back and forth 4 times a year (must vacate dorms completely before/after summer semesters).  And valuable things that I felt uncomfortable leaving out in a dorm room that wasn't locked half the time and had my roomie's friends, whom I didn't know, going in and out at will.

[TartanTallulah]

When my youngest daughter was born, I must have asked her fairy godmother to bless her by making her the opposite of her ill-tempered, workshy tightwad father, because she's always been the most delightful kid ever, she has a tremendous work ethic, and she's very generous but if she had a superpower it would be finding pointless crap to spend her money on. Her room is shelf upon shelf of scented candles, bath bombs, trinkets and cosmetics, most of it untouched.

She'll be going to college in September.

She has recently started to suffer from an allergy, almost certainly to the house dust mite.

I saw an opportunity. "You can change your bedding and vacuum the floor as much as you like, but it's pointless when your room is lined with shelves of dust magnets," I said. "Would you like me to help you to sell some of it? It'll make your room easier to clean properly and it'll give you some extra money for when you go to college."

"NO! It's MINE!" she wailed.

I'll give her time to think about it, and then warn her that any tchotchke that's left when she goes to college is fair game for a yard sale.

Wow!  I think that's pretty fair solution!  You aren't just tossing her stuff like she doesn't matter, but you aren't going to let her use your house like a free climate-controlled storage facility!   I'm curious: will you let her keep some things in a "safe zone", like a big plastic bin or something?  Two things from my own college experience:
1. I completely abused my parents good will and used their house (well my old room) as storage for waaaay too long . . . like 8 years after I graduated.  :-(   They didn't seem to care (repeatedly said they didn't) but that just was very unmotivating to sort through it all.  They totally could have had that room as usable space if I hadn't been so selfish.  They STILL don't use it very much, but at least it's not my "fault".
2.  But!  It was very helpful to have storage for my winter clothes  while I lived in a tiny shared dorm room.  And I am grateful I was able to keep old books and fragile things I *definitely* wanted to keep but did NOT want to haul back and forth 4 times a year (must vacate dorms completely before/after summer semesters).  And valuable things that I felt uncomfortable leaving out in a dorm room that wasn't locked half the time and had my roomie's friends, whom I didn't know, going in and out at will.

I'm not going to turf her out and remove every trace. Her room will remain her room until she has a home of her own that isn't just a rented room in college. But I want to be able to let guests use the room when she isn't here, and I want to be able to keep it clean, and I can't do that if there are racks of lipsticks and a million Yankee Candles all over the place. And the clothes and shoes and bags ... and the sunk cost, from a near-minimum wage income.

It's not a priority. At least the little'un keeps her belongings tidy most of the time. Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

[paddedhat]

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

[Feivel2000]

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

We'll, I am sure that you won't win the world parenting award with this story.

[Warlord1986]

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

You sound mentally unbalanced.

[MOD NOTE: A little more constructive criticism, please]

[TheGrimSqueaker]

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

We'll, I am sure that you won't win the world parenting award with this story.

I'm in awe though, because in this particular case and for this particular kid, it worked. The "nice parent" approach of asking nicely, then escalating through the stages of giving a direct order, or withholding privileges, or handing out punishment, clearly didn't work for that one but the doggie doo hunt did.

[ducky19]

My dad's post on Facebook this morning: "I keep hearing people talk about what they're going to do when they retire. I'm gonna have to work right up to lunch on the day of my funeral."

This from the man who retired a year ago, then went back to work at Harbor Freight because he was scared at how fast he was burning through his inheritance. He and mom are going to Alaska for a cruise and tour for their 50th anniversary this week. Not saying they don't deserve it, but this has been their way for as long as I can remember; spend every dime you make, then complain about how broke you are and how Social Security doesn't pay nearly enough. I love them both dearly, but it's hard to watch/listen to. The only like this received was from my mom.