Relatives who just don't get it

[ReadyToStash]

My dad and I agreed to no big gift exchanges this year due to money being tight all around for a couple of reasons. Turns out my stepmom convinced him she needed to buy me a $70 purse and multiple scarves. She has never seen me wear a scarf. Ever. And the purse was really, really not my style.

Fortunately, she offered to return the purse right away. Although the last thing I heard walking out the door was "or maybe I'll keep it..."

[MgoSam]

She has never seen me wear a scarf. Ever. And the purse was really, really not my style.

I think each time I see my mom she asks me if I own a scarf, largely as I almost never wear it. I own a Michigan scarf that I'll wear for most casual things when it's cold, but I figured, why not take the bait and asked me my mom to get a nice one. She's got an eye for bargains and I could see her getting me a cashmere scarf for really cheap if she ever spots one.

[Dollar Slice]

Mothers, grandmothers, etc. seem very interested in us younger folks keeping our necks warm. I used to have an elderly neighbor who didn't speak a word of English, but we were on friendly terms because we would wait for the bus together a lot. One time I was walking home from work and she was walking the opposite direction with her friend, and she saw me and got all agitated, miming at me that I should be wearing a scarf and keeping my jacket zipped, physically grabbing the lapels of my coat and patting me on my bare neck to drive the point home... LOL. (This is one of those things you can only get away with if you are a tiny elderly lady.)

[ReadyToStash]

Mothers, grandmothers, etc. seem very interested in us younger folks keeping our necks warm. I used to have an elderly neighbor who didn't speak a word of English, but we were on friendly terms because we would wait for the bus together a lot. One time I was walking home from work and she was walking the opposite direction with her friend, and she saw me and got all agitated, miming at me that I should be wearing a scarf and keeping my jacket zipped, physically grabbing the lapels of my coat and patting me on my bare neck to drive the point home... LOL. (This is one of those things you can only get away with if you are a tiny elderly lady.)

I would understand this sentiment coming from my family if we didn't live in the gulf south!

[iris lily]

Mothers, grandmothers, etc. seem very interested in us younger folks keeping our necks warm. I used to have an elderly neighbor who didn't speak a word of English, but we were on friendly terms because we would wait for the bus together a lot. One time I was walking home from work and she was walking the opposite direction with her friend, and she saw me and got all agitated, miming at me that I should be wearing a scarf and keeping my jacket zipped, physically grabbing the lapels of my coat and patting me on my bare neck to drive the point home... LOL. (This is one of those things you can only get away with if you are a tiny elderly lady.)

Old people forget what it's like to be young and have good circulation. Kids are always running around without body coverings and they are fine.

[RunHappy]

this year I was really stuck on what to buy people for Christmas.  Everyone agreed there is nothing that they need and didn't want a "thing" for the sake of wrapping a "thing".  Then when we were all sitting around at my moms for breakfast she mentioned how worn my father's slippers were.  Then I noticed everyone's slippers were worn and had holes.  So that is my gift to everyone this year....new slippers from JC Penny!

[Apples]

We just visited my husband's family.  I always thought his parents were pretty spendy because they usually pay minimum credit card payments, and every other loan payments.  He has been graduated from college for 4.5 years, and they are still slowly working through his student loans loans they took out to help pay for his schooling, in addition to him taking on loans himself.  That isn't a strategic decision made due to a low interest rate or anything, that's just b/c they will never pay anything more than the minimum. Also, they couldn't find $350 for an emergency last year.  Oy.

Well, DH's slightly more extended family win.  One family has both parents not working, one due to chemo and the other due to a botched surgery ruining his/her ability to do their job.  That's a sucky situation; they've barely been paying their bills since sick leave pay ran out earlier this year.  However, in the guy's spare time, he's put in a new floor, table, bar, and wall covering in their downstairs.  Even if he did 100% of the work and found the materials on sale, that's still got to be over $2,000.  So they're struggling with  monthly expenses, but had money to totally redo 1/3 of their house. 

[onehair]

My uncle came out of hiding to beg another cousin for $120 for a car battery (allegedly). The cousin responded why do you need a car battery when you have no job to drive to?She also told him to make a plan, find a job and start taking care of his own bills... Talk about clapback!

Far as I know since he got canned from his guvmint job he hasn't been searching for a new one he has been quietly cadging off a few sympathetic relatives. 

[MgoSam]

He has been graduated from college for 4.5 years, and they are still slowly working through his student loans. 

Out of curiosity, why are they paying for his students loans? Is that an agreement by them or anything.

[Apples]

He has been graduated from college for 4.5 years, and they are still slowly working through his student loans. 

Out of curiosity, why are they paying for his students loans? Is that an agreement by them or anything.

c

Oh I should have clarified in my post.  DH took out twice the average amount of student loans for 6 years of school (which turns out is fortunate or we wouldn't have met :p).  His parents additionally took out loans to pay for his schooling, I assume they're ParentPLUS loans, but we really have no idea.  We paid off his loans the last 2 years (though half was with my savings) and mentioned the accomplishment to his parents.  Since then, his mom has been dropping hints of "we want to go do this thing, but can't b/c we have a payment for your student loans the loans we took out to help cover the cost of your education*".  So DH offered for us to take over their payments for them to show how much he appreciated their support.  His dad turned him down.  His mom doesn't know we offered, because she would automatically say yes then go get a new car for whatever the payment had been.  Really. 

*Even when I write a clarifying post, I still refer to the loans DH's parents are paying on as "his" loans.  They are my in-laws loans but stem from his education, and thus are referred to within the family as "his loans".

[MgoSam]

My uncle came out of hiding to beg another cousin for $120 for a car battery (allegedly). The cousin responded why do you need a car battery when you have no job to drive to?She also told him to make a plan, find a job and start taking care of his own bills... Talk about clapback!

I like it. It shows a willingness to help him out, but only once he shows initiative on his own part.

[onehair]

My uncle is very fond of sponging off his relatives, overspending and shopping like it's going out of style then returning to sponge once his funds dry up.  I am in awe he ever managed to hold his job as long as he did.  I know my grands spent between $20-50k to bail him out of debt several times plus covering his rent and utilities.  He owes the Feds in back taxes as well. 

[MgoSam]

*Even when I write a clarifying post, I still refer to the loans DH's parents are paying on as "his" loans.  They are my in-laws loans but stem from his education, and thus are referred to within the family as "his loans".

I hope my question wasn't taken as being critical, that was not my intention at all. I figured there was a good explanation (not that I am owed one) and was glad to receive it.

[Apples]

*Even when I write a clarifying post, I still refer to the loans DH's parents are paying on as "his" loans.  They are my in-laws loans but stem from his education, and thus are referred to within the family as "his loans".

I hope my question wasn't taken as being critical, that was not my intention at all. I figured there was a good explanation (not that I am owed one) and was glad to receive it.

No I totally see how it originally was confusing the way it was worded.  You didn't seem at all critical.  I was just a bit snarky with myself because I had to write my clarifying post twice, post it, and then still change the wording because it's so ingrained.  So all snarkiness was self-directed.  You're fine.

[MgoSam]

I was just a bit snarky with myself because I had to write my clarifying post twice, post it, and then still change the wording because it's so ingrained.  So all snarkiness was self-directed.  You're fine.

I didn't detect any snark, but glad that we're cool with each other :-).

[tofuchampion]

My MIL came to visit for 2 weeks last month. It was a long-overdue trip, as it was her first time meeting my daughter. She hadn't been able to come down sooner because she couldn't afford a plane ticket and it was too far to drive (IA to NC). So my husband and I bought her a ticket to come for Thanksgiving and the baby's 1st birthday. The ticket was pretty cheap - about $250, iirc.

So she comes down. And she buys all her own groceries because she doesn't want to use up our food (we have plenty of food! I just went grocery shopping! I kept your allergy in mind!). She bought the baby a winter coat and a bunch of extra stuff on top of the birthday presents she had brought with her (a suitcase full). She insisted on taking us out to dinner a few times. All told, she spent more on random stuff than we did on the ticket.

I pointed this out to my husband, that she could have come much sooner, and just not done all the spending while she was here. He said that she wanted to do both. So she put off this trip for a year in order to be able to spend a ton of money during it. And all that time, she was always talking about how badly she wanted to come, wanted to meet her first grandchild, etc.

I'm not upset about it, I just don't understand it. She obviously didn't want to come that badly.

[rockstache]

My MIL came to visit for 2 weeks last month. It was a long-overdue trip, as it was her first time meeting my daughter. She hadn't been able to come down sooner because she couldn't afford a plane ticket and it was too far to drive (IA to NC). So my husband and I bought her a ticket to come for Thanksgiving and the baby's 1st birthday. The ticket was pretty cheap - about $250, iirc.

So she comes down. And she buys all her own groceries because she doesn't want to use up our food (we have plenty of food! I just went grocery shopping! I kept your allergy in mind!). She bought the baby a winter coat and a bunch of extra stuff on top of the birthday presents she had brought with her (a suitcase full). She insisted on taking us out to dinner a few times. All told, she spent more on random stuff than we did on the ticket.

I pointed this out to my husband, that she could have come much sooner, and just not done all the spending while she was here. He said that she wanted to do both. So she put off this trip for a year in order to be able to spend a ton of money during it. And all that time, she was always talking about how badly she wanted to come, wanted to meet her first grandchild, etc.

I'm not upset about it, I just don't understand it. She obviously didn't want to come that badly.

We have relatives like this. They won't do anything unless they can "do it right," AKA do it the most ridiculously spendypants way possible.

[jorjor]

I got some ribbing about being cheap at my family Christmas. I'm not even all that frugal compared to most on here. A cousin got a ribbing too, because he won't drink soda unless he can get some for free from the press box (he is a sportswriter).

The biggest facepalm moment was at the Christmas for my dad's side of the family. I have an uncle who always complains about money. Their house looks like it's about to rot because all the paint has been stripped off for about a decade. He was complaining about his cable bill. He said he pays almost $200/mo for cable and internet, and was complaining about the extra $10/month per TV beyond two TVs. They have 5 TVs in the house. Two people live in the house.

[Zamboni]

I'm not upset about it, I just don't understand it. She obviously didn't want to come that badly.

Yeah, people are weird about spending money on flights in particular. I just don't understand it at all either. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will be the one traveling (or paying for their flights) or I will never see any of my far flung family. It's hard not to roll my eyes when I have to listen over and over about how much they wish they had the money to visit, but then I do see where their money is going (more pets, a shit ton of entertainment expenses, hobby supplies that never seem to get used and just stockpile, etc.) People are not always rational.

A cousin got a ribbing too, because he won't drink soda unless he can get some for free from the press box (he is a sportswriter).

I think this is an awesome way to both resist spending money and improve health through limited soda consumption. This man should be commended!

[Papa Mustache]

We had a great Christmas (on the topic of gifts) with my family. After nearly 20 years we finally got to "gifts just for the kids". I think a couple of the family elders didn't like it much so it might be a one year thing only. I suspect they didn't think it felt "Christmasy" enough but all the rain and flooding didn't help either.

I don't mind buying gifts, we can afford it, but I don't need a house full of odds and ends that I (we) might or might not ever make use of. Sort of like an elaborate kitchen gadget from an earlier family gift exchange that I finally gave to Goodwill. Pasta maker. It was used or I would have regifted it or resold it. We took quite a pile of odds and ends to the Goodwill yesterday.

Each year we detach from the shopping a little more. Feels good.

On the other side of the family we did a one for one gift swap. One gift per child, one gift per adult.

My only gift this year was a car emergency kit. Perfect. Our kids had a nice Christmas. Bought gifts for the other family kids that were well recieved. Bought my bride something she had wanted for a long time and that's it. Easy peasy. Done.

[Apples]

I don't mind buying gifts, we can afford it, but I don't need a house full of odds and ends that I (we) might or might not ever make use of. Sort of like an elaborate kitchen gadget from an earlier family gift exchange that I finally gave to Goodwill. Pasta maker. It was used or I would have regifted it or resold it. We took quite a pile of odds and ends to the Goodwill yesterday.
My only gift this year was a car emergency kit. Perfect. Our kids had a nice Christmas. Bought gifts for the other family kids that were well recieved. Bought my bride something she had wanted for a long time and that's it. Easy peasy. Done.

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

[onlykelsey]

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

That's sort of brilliant.

[mtn]

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

That's sort of brilliant.

That is what I keep asking my wife to get me for Christmas or my birthday. She doesn't want to give alcohol as a gift. I don't get it at all; we both drink very moderately, about one bottle of bourbon a year unless someone else attacks it.

Oh well, she did better than bourbon--tickets to a concert we both wanted to see but had decided was too expensive. Perfect Christmas gift :)

[Papa Mustache]

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

Good ideas. We gift fancy coffees to my mother. We gift wine to a few friends. Alcohol is a mixed bag among our families so we all seem to avoid the topic. I might test the waters next year. Such an easy gift.

[merula]

I've got a Christmas-gift issue. I have some relatives that are *huge* fans of food from the Old Country. (First-generation immigrants, so not like a "I want to get in touch with my roots" thing more personal nostalgia.) I don't disagree with them, I also appreciate food from the Old Country, which is part of the reason I regularly make Old Country dishes. The other part is because they're typically peasant food and therefore both impressive and cheap.

These relatives, on the other hand, have found an online store that will ship you packaged food direct from the Old Country. Most of the stuff is actually available here now, or is better made from scratch. No matter, it came directly from the Old Country and is therefore superior. They are also a huge fan of this Old Country celebrity chef who has recently release a line of packaged food. So, they ordered me a box of celebrity-chef-brand toasts. That's right, toasts. As in, slices of bread, toasted and packaged. And branded. And shipped overseas. Only they were shipped with other Old Country foodstuffs and got beatup in transit.

So now I have brand-name, imported breadcrumbs.

They were cheap relative to the rest of the stuff on this website, only $7 for 5 oz, but it's still ridiculous.

[onlykelsey]

So now I have brand-name, imported breadcrumbs.

I nearly spit out my coffee.  At least it's an inexpensive-ish habit?

[purplish]

My relatives let me know they went to a *very* fancy restaurant, and the bill for 4 meals was $400!!!  I can't even imagine paying $100 for my meal even if I ordered tons of booze with it.

[onehair]

Which Old Country I am curious to know?

[ShoulderThingThatGoesUp]

They are also a huge fan of this Old Country celebrity chef who has recently release a line of packaged food. So, they ordered me a box of celebrity-chef-brand toasts.

Is this Old Country ... England?

[merula]

Which Old Country I am curious to know?

They are also a huge fan of this Old Country celebrity chef who has recently release a line of packaged food. So, they ordered me a box of celebrity-chef-brand toasts.

Is this Old Country ... England?

You know, I had originally drafted it to show the country's name, but decided against it for privacy reasons and also because I didn't want it to inspire any anti-Old Country comments.

But, reading over it again, I really like how it reads. The same facts are true of dozens of Old Countries I can think of, so you can put your own spin of it based on your own Old Country.

[BPA]

Thank you to so many of the rest of you for allowing me to put my family issues in perspective.  My mom's mockery about how I'm going to start charging relatives to pay for parking in my driveway because my thermostat is set at 18 degrees is annoying, but it could be worse. 

She mocked her father for being cheap too.

Thing is, she is also cheap...but about other things.

[MgoSam]

My relatives let me know they went to a *very* fancy restaurant, and the bill for 4 meals was $400!!!  I can't even imagine paying $100 for my meal even if I ordered tons of booze with it.

Someday I hope to eat at Per Se, or French Laundry, or Alinea. All of them would be cost more than that for two people, but as I'm otherwise frugal I'm ok with that. Besides these select few, I don't really understand the thrill of going to a fancy restaurant. I'm not even good at cooking a steak, but feel like I can cook one that's way cheaper and tastier than anything you can get at a steakhouse.

[UnleashHell]

Which Old Country I am curious to know?

They are also a huge fan of this Old Country celebrity chef who has recently release a line of packaged food. So, they ordered me a box of celebrity-chef-brand toasts.

Is this Old Country ... England?

You know, I had originally drafted it to show the country's name, but decided against it for privacy reasons and also because I didn't want it to inspire any anti-Old Country comments.

But, reading over it again, I really like how it reads. The same facts are true of dozens of Old Countries I can think of, so you can put your own spin of it based on your own Old Country.

England it is then.

and if the chef is Jamie Friggin oliver then they deserve a treble slap.

[JLee]

With Honda and Toyota, there is a lot more consistency and their cars will generally last to 200k with a lower level of maintenance than most other brands, almost guaranteed.

Nice. My Honda's at 100k and i was wondering how much longer it will last..

It really depends on the year. The newer Hondas won't go the same miles as the 90s and early 2000s models. They've had to cut corners with their build quality to keep up with market fluctuations. I feel confident in saying that anything built before 2005 can hit 300k if you follow the maintenance schedule to a T (including belt, bearing, and gasket replacements), but after that they started to go downhill. 200,000 is still reasonable, but it takes a little nurturing to get it there.

Only 200k for my 2006 Matrix?  Dang, it will be EOL when my 9 year old starts college. I was hoping he could take it with him (depending on where he goes)

As long as you keep oil in it, the 1ZZ-FE engine in your Matrix should last a long time..

[Mr Dorothy Dollar]

In-laws, bankrupt this year. Got two new vehicles tricked sister-in-law into being on the first car saying that they only needed one car and the interest rates would be crushing. On week later, MIL gets jealous and needs a car. They get another car. No reliable income other than SSI.

There house is horded. It smells. MIL cannot smell it. SIL tells them it stinks. MIL convinces herself it is the rug in the kitchen. The rug is removed and the floor is washed in who knows when. The color of the floor comes up because it has adhered to the stuff sitting atop it. MIL is now convinced the house smells good - It does not.

[Apples]

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

Good ideas. We gift fancy coffees to my mother. We gift wine to a few friends. Alcohol is a mixed bag among our families so we all seem to avoid the topic. I might test the waters next year. Such an easy gift.

If you want to put a spin on it, you can say you'd like to try small batch bourbon/local wine/craft beer/etc.  from this state, these states, this area this year...would they be interested in getting you alcohol of choice from that location?  So instead of asking for "scotch" and person may or may not disapprove of gifting just alcohol, you can ask for "special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".  Then if you get it, have a nice speech about how the scotch from that area is supposed to be unique and you're excited to try it.  That way they're sort of giving you the experience of trying a new thing and enjoying it, and not just supporting you potentially getting buzzed or drunk.  A half hour of googling could solve most of your Christmas problems, even with a touchy family around alcohol.  Though of course YMMV.

[Papa Mustache]

Thank you to so many of the rest of you for allowing me to put my family issues in perspective.  My mom's mockery about how I'm going to start charging relatives to pay for parking in my driveway because my thermostat is set at 18 degrees is annoying, but it could be worse. 

She mocked her father for being cheap too.

Thing is, she is also cheap...but about other things.

+1

[MgoSam]

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

Good ideas. We gift fancy coffees to my mother. We gift wine to a few friends. Alcohol is a mixed bag among our families so we all seem to avoid the topic. I might test the waters next year. Such an easy gift.

If you want to put a spin on it, you can say you'd like to try small batch bourbon/local wine/craft beer/etc.  from this state, these states, this area this year...would they be interested in getting you alcohol of choice from that location?  So instead of asking for "scotch" and person may or may not disapprove of gifting just alcohol, you can ask for "special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".  Then if you get it, have a nice speech about how the scotch from that area is supposed to be unique and you're excited to try it.  That way they're sort of giving you the experience of trying a new thing and enjoying it, and not just supporting you potentially getting buzzed or drunk.  A half hour of googling could solve most of your Christmas problems, even with a touchy family around alcohol.  Though of course YMMV.

If you're going to do that, I highly recommend asking for Stranahan's. It's a Colorado whiskey, had it last year and really enjoyed it. If I am ever going to spend $60 for a bottle of non-scotch whiskey, it'll be this. Unless of course, it's a Japanese whiskey that's highly rated.

[Papa Mustache]

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

Good ideas. We gift fancy coffees to my mother. We gift wine to a few friends. Alcohol is a mixed bag among our families so we all seem to avoid the topic. I might test the waters next year. Such an easy gift.

If you want to put a spin on it, you can say you'd like to try small batch bourbon/local wine/craft beer/etc.  from this state, these states, this area this year...would they be interested in getting you alcohol of choice from that location?  So instead of asking for "scotch" and person may or may not disapprove of gifting just alcohol, you can ask for "special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".  Then if you get it, have a nice speech about how the scotch from that area is supposed to be unique and you're excited to try it.  That way they're sort of giving you the experience of trying a new thing and enjoying it, and not just supporting you potentially getting buzzed or drunk.  A half hour of googling could solve most of your Christmas problems, even with a touchy family around alcohol.  Though of course YMMV.

Maybe. Its life in the Bible Belt... ;) Getting so much better with time but still pretty conservative. All in who a person is hanging out with or related to.

Thanks for the Colorado Whiskey recommendation. I walk into a good liquor store and I want to taste (just taste) everything. Used to enjoy a good drink. Now with some age I get a hangover really easily. Once upon a time I could drink until I got sick and not be hung over the next morn. Go figure.

Until recently this was a dry county. Suddenly they passed a liquor law and we have a dozen liquor stores to choose from within a few minutes of each other. And most are busy. Now I hear we will be able to buy wine in the grocery store soon. So 21st century!!!! ;)

[BarkyardBQ]

"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

[icemodeled]

There is certainly family, ok most all my family who are far from mustachian ways. Big time. We also always hear it.. like "you guys are so cheap" or the like. By cheap, they mean we watch our spending and have goals we are working toward. They put everything on credit cards without a thought and pay the minimums. They spend more then they make ect.

ok, recent story. One just came into several thousand dollars, they decide to buy a much unneeded motorcycle (they have many vehicles). The other day they asked (for the first time) if they can borrow a small amount of money because of an issue with paycheck and they do not have enough to pay the mortgage. I seriously cannot comprehend these things. I guess I grew up enjoying saving money and doing all I can to hang onto it. It just amazes me when I hear people coming into extra money and handling it so badly.

[TomTX]

"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

Eh, the Appalachians and Scottish Highlands are originally the same mountain chain. Just broken off. Long tradition of distilling in both ;)

[maco]

I've got a Christmas-gift issue. I have some relatives that are *huge* fans of food from the Old Country. (First-generation immigrants, so not like a "I want to get in touch with my roots" thing more personal nostalgia.) I don't disagree with them, I also appreciate food from the Old Country, which is part of the reason I regularly make Old Country dishes. The other part is because they're typically peasant food and therefore both impressive and cheap.

These relatives, on the other hand, have found an online store that will ship you packaged food direct from the Old Country. Most of the stuff is actually available here now, or is better made from scratch. No matter, it came directly from the Old Country and is therefore superior. They are also a huge fan of this Old Country celebrity chef who has recently release a line of packaged food. So, they ordered me a box of celebrity-chef-brand toasts. That's right, toasts. As in, slices of bread, toasted and packaged. And branded. And shipped overseas. Only they were shipped with other Old Country foodstuffs and got beatup in transit.

So now I have brand-name, imported breadcrumbs.

They were cheap relative to the rest of the stuff on this website, only $7 for 5 oz, but it's still ridiculous.

My mom's second-generation. She made and shipped halupki overnight as a Christmas gift!

[Apples]

"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above.  Please substitute more reasonable options in for "scotch".  Geez.  Also, my sympathies to people living in the Bible Belt.  I hear they commonly have evening weddings without alcohol there.  Shame.  (all of that is said tongue in cheek, though I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any)

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above.  Please substitute more reasonable options in for "scotch".  Geez.  Also, my sympathies to people living in the Bible Belt.  I hear they commonly have evening weddings without alcohol there.  Shame.  (all of that is said tongue in cheek, though I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any)

I went to one. It was grim. I was pregnant anyway, but the grimness reached me. Groom [my cousin] was an Irish Catholic whose father had actually died of cirrhosis marrying into a family of evangelical Christians, some of whom spoke only Korean. It sounds like the setup for a funny movie, but the reality was dull. There wasn't even cake, just individual crepe stations. (That's when I decided to take the baby--the one that was already born--home.)

Also, the groom's sister and uncle were getting drunk in the parking lot.

[Rural]

"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above.  Please substitute more reasonable options in for "scotch".  Geez.  Also, my sympathies to people living in the Bible Belt.  I hear they commonly have evening weddings without alcohol there.  Shame.  (all of that is said tongue in cheek, though I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any)

I went to one. It was grim. I was pregnant anyway, but the grimness reached me. Groom [my cousin] was an Irish Catholic whose father had actually died of cirrhosis marrying into a family of evangelical Christians, some of whom spoke only Korean. It sounds like the setup for a funny movie, but the reality was dull. There wasn't even cake, just individual crepe stations. (That's when I decided to take the baby--the one that was already born--home.)

Also, the groom's sister and uncle were getting drunk in the parking lot.

You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

[onlykelsey]

You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

Oh man, norms are so interesting.  I grew up in a dry household and my now-husband and I drink socially, but when we tried to take our bar from a full bar to one beer + one red wine + one white wine at our NYC wedding, you would have thought we proposed serving people raw sewage. 

[RetiredAt63]

Here alcohol is the norm for afternoon/evening weddings.  Which alcohol varies, I have seen everything from only wine/beer to full bar.  In all the weddings I have been to, only one was dry, and it was an early afternoon service with the reception (sort of a stand up and roam around tea) in the adjoining church hall.

You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

[RetiredAt63]

@JoeAverage, you were lucky to get something useful.  In my family and in-laws, "useful" made something not acceptable as a gift, even if it was an expensive something that you would probably not buy for yourself.  I asked for, and got, a hand sander one year, and used it so much it wore out.  It was really hard to convince the family member to get it for me, it was too useful!

Alcohol - ask for region or category so you can do comparisons?  European red wines?  White Australian/New Zealand wines?  Scotch whiskey versus Irish whiskey versus Canadian rye whiskey versus American bourbon?  Liqueurs?  Liqueurs last forever.   If anyone wants to give me a bottle of Amaretto or Cointreau or other goody, I will be happy to receive it.  And my teetotal Scottish great-grandparents must be whirling in their graves right now.

My only gift this year was a car emergency kit. Perfect. Our kids had a nice Christmas. Bought gifts for the other family kids that were well recieved. Bought my bride something she had wanted for a long time and that's it. Easy peasy. Done.

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?

[Astatine]

You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

Oh man, norms are so interesting.  I grew up in a dry household and my now-husband and I drink socially, but when we tried to take our bar from a full bar to one beer + one red wine + one white wine at our NYC wedding, you would have thought we proposed serving people raw sewage. 

+1 on norms being interesting. I don't think I've ever been to a dry wedding. It's rare that I've seen anyone get drunk at a wedding - people in my social circles generally drink responsibly (specially as we get older).