Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 3073270 times)

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8659
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6800 on: February 24, 2022, 10:13:52 PM »
If you keep posting about countertops in this thread, you're somebody's relative that just doesn't get it.  :)

Feivel2000

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 302
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Germany
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6801 on: February 25, 2022, 12:58:35 AM »
I use blue foam as countertop.
Doesn't work at all.

Morning Glory

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3947
  • Location: The Garden Path
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6802 on: February 25, 2022, 05:34:28 AM »
Nah, it's just some temporary foam. Or orange/black boxes. It'll get back on topic.

Speaking of orange black boxes: we had a countertop in our last house that I thought was blue and my spouse thought was grey. We still argue about it from time to time. It was laminate but the nice kind (Corian?).

Weisass

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 529
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6803 on: February 25, 2022, 10:52:40 AM »
Tile at the entrances is great - tile so snow melt and slush won't wreck the floors.  And kitchens, where spills are hard to clean up. But otherwise? Just no.

Maybe the worst ever example of this: I used to live near a grocery store that was entirely carpeted. Maybe it reduces breakage of dropped glass items, eliminates slip and fall accidents/lawsuits, lowers their insurance rates and is secretly genius? I dunno. It was incredibly weird, though. They must have invested in some industrial-strength carpet cleaners.

The location was taken over by a Whole Foods at some point and they redid the floors like every other grocery store in the world.

Did you used to live in Cambridge/Somerville? Was it Johnny's Foodmaster?!

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 18673
  • Age: 64
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6804 on: February 25, 2022, 11:02:42 AM »
Nah, it's just some temporary foam. Or orange/black boxes. It'll get back on topic.

Speaking of orange black boxes: we had a countertop in our last house that I thought was blue and my spouse thought was grey. We still argue about it from time to time. It was laminate but the nice kind (Corian?).
Corian isn't laminate. It's a solid surface. All of our rentals have it and that shit won't ever die.

Dollar Slice

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8325
  • Age: 45
  • Location: New York City
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6805 on: February 25, 2022, 11:22:03 AM »
Tile at the entrances is great - tile so snow melt and slush won't wreck the floors.  And kitchens, where spills are hard to clean up. But otherwise? Just no.

Maybe the worst ever example of this: I used to live near a grocery store that was entirely carpeted. Maybe it reduces breakage of dropped glass items, eliminates slip and fall accidents/lawsuits, lowers their insurance rates and is secretly genius? I dunno. It was incredibly weird, though. They must have invested in some industrial-strength carpet cleaners.

The location was taken over by a Whole Foods at some point and they redid the floors like every other grocery store in the world.

Did you used to live in Cambridge/Somerville? Was it Johnny's Foodmaster?!

YES! I knew that place was unique, LOL.

Morning Glory

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3947
  • Location: The Garden Path
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6806 on: February 25, 2022, 05:54:00 PM »
Nah, it's just some temporary foam. Or orange/black boxes. It'll get back on topic.

Speaking of orange black boxes: we had a countertop in our last house that I thought was blue and my spouse thought was grey. We still argue about it from time to time. It was laminate but the nice kind (Corian?).
Corian isn't laminate. It's a solid surface. All of our rentals have it and that shit won't ever die.

What's the nice laminate called then? It had a bit of texture to it. Pattern looked like fake granite or concrete. Previous owners remodeled in 2001 and it was still in perfect condition. 

dmmms

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 36
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6807 on: February 25, 2022, 07:50:17 PM »
Nah, it's just some temporary foam. Or orange/black boxes. It'll get back on topic.

Speaking of orange black boxes: we had a countertop in our last house that I thought was blue and my spouse thought was grey. We still argue about it from time to time. It was laminate but the nice kind (Corian?).
Corian isn't laminate. It's a solid surface. All of our rentals have it and that shit won't ever die.

What's the nice laminate called then? It had a bit of texture to it. Pattern looked like fake granite or concrete. Previous owners remodeled in 2001 and it was still in perfect condition.

I think you are thinking of formica.

gooki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2794
  • Location: NZ
    • My FIRE journal
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6808 on: February 25, 2022, 10:33:18 PM »
Nah, it's just some temporary foam. Or orange/black boxes. It'll get back on topic.

Speaking of orange black boxes: we had a countertop in our last house that I thought was blue and my spouse thought was grey. We still argue about it from time to time. It was laminate but the nice kind (Corian?).
Corian isn't laminate. It's a solid surface. All of our rentals have it and that shit won't ever die.

What's the nice laminate called then? It had a bit of texture to it. Pattern looked like fake granite or concrete. Previous owners remodeled in 2001 and it was still in perfect condition.

Most likely Caesarstone or a similar competitor.

Back on topic (not really) I recall growing up in a house with bright orange Formica benchtops. 100% my parents fault, they built that house themselves.

Weisass

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 529
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6809 on: March 01, 2022, 11:25:29 AM »
Tile at the entrances is great - tile so snow melt and slush won't wreck the floors.  And kitchens, where spills are hard to clean up. But otherwise? Just no.

Maybe the worst ever example of this: I used to live near a grocery store that was entirely carpeted. Maybe it reduces breakage of dropped glass items, eliminates slip and fall accidents/lawsuits, lowers their insurance rates and is secretly genius? I dunno. It was incredibly weird, though. They must have invested in some industrial-strength carpet cleaners.

The location was taken over by a Whole Foods at some point and they redid the floors like every other grocery store in the world.

Did you used to live in Cambridge/Somerville? Was it Johnny's Foodmaster?!

YES! I knew that place was unique, LOL.

There really was only one Johnny's Foodmaster..... what a place.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2433
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6810 on: March 24, 2022, 11:02:19 AM »
The condo we currently rent has white, four inch tiles. Nothing disappears and the grout is never clean...

Don't even get me started on the white, painted steel sink.

All this crap is paired with solid wood cabinets, which is pretty rare in this area, so we have that going for us.

Yes, that's exactly what I epoxied over for my "Calacatta Gold Marble".

There's prep work involved. You have to tape and cover the cabinets and remove the sink. Then sand the tiles for a mechanical bond, wipe it down, hit it with a coat of bonding primer, and mix up some concrete for the next layer. After that, it's Level-Quik to take out any of the remaining tile texture, then an undercoat, then the color epoxy coat (which was the most fun), followed by a clear pour and a layer of matte top coat epoxy. It's a crazy amount of epoxy. Stone Coat Countertops has an instruction video.

The first time around I used way too much bronze and brown, and the results weren't what I wanted, so I sanded the top and redid the undercoat, color epoxy, clear coat and top coat. No biggie.

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 404
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6811 on: March 29, 2022, 08:46:02 AM »
I have one about my sister. My sister is 40 and quietly lives at home.  She's a writer with a degree who sells stories occasionally and does a spot of editing here and there.  How did she end up with me mentioning her? She has been allowed to live at home virtually rent free and contributing barely anything to the household expenses.  When she does spend money it's on AwesomeCon and food for herself.   My mom is fed up with her(the irony of the situation never fails to amuse me).  My stepfather won't help my mom to push her from the comfortable nest they've created for her.  She has a boyfriend but he appears to be aimless.  He lives in a room and though he mentions marriage has shown no initiative to make a home for them to either "live in sin" nor have a married household.  He is despised by both mother and stepfather.
He buys her food flowers and teddybears.

Sibley

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6299
  • Location: Northwest Indiana
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6812 on: March 29, 2022, 09:12:38 AM »
I have one about my sister. My sister is 40 and quietly lives at home.  She's a writer with a degree who sells stories occasionally and does a spot of editing here and there.  How did she end up with me mentioning her? She has been allowed to live at home virtually rent free and contributing barely anything to the household expenses.  When she does spend money it's on AwesomeCon and food for herself.   My mom is fed up with her(the irony of the situation never fails to amuse me).  My stepfather won't help my mom to push her from the comfortable nest they've created for her.  She has a boyfriend but he appears to be aimless.  He lives in a room and though he mentions marriage has shown no initiative to make a home for them to either "live in sin" nor have a married household.  He is despised by both mother and stepfather.
He buys her food flowers and teddybears.

Some of the people I've known who are like that have depression. Any chance that's your sister?

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 404
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6813 on: March 29, 2022, 09:19:47 AM »
It is quite possible.  She wants badly to have a best selling novel.   I was going to suggest they do to her what they did to me which is cut her off and make her get a regular job and support herself. But that might be a bit hardcore and even I have a soft spot for her. I will ask my mom is she depressed?  She has always had the reputation as the "good one" of the family unlike me with my black sheep checkered past and my brother who being a boy was always treated a little differently and he's the youngest.  She is immature in some ways and I assumed my mom and stepfather were okay with it since they never made waves.  Lately my mom has been very salty about it.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2433
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6814 on: March 29, 2022, 09:46:21 AM »
It is quite possible.  She wants badly to have a best selling novel.   I was going to suggest they do to her what they did to me which is cut her off and make her get a regular job and support herself. But that might be a bit hardcore and even I have a soft spot for her. I will ask my mom is she depressed?  She has always had the reputation as the "good one" of the family unlike me with my black sheep checkered past and my brother who being a boy was always treated a little differently and he's the youngest.  She is immature in some ways and I assumed my mom and stepfather were okay with it since they never made waves.  Lately my mom has been very salty about it.

How many books has she published? If the answer is "zero", including self publishing, and if she isn't a regular columnist at a magazine or newspaper, and if she doesn't have a blog or Web site that's making money, then what she has isn't a full-time job. At best it's a hobby. I say this because she's 40 and is still in the very early start-up stage of a writing career. She needs to be doing at least some other things to pay the bills and to support herself. J K Rowling worked as a secretary. Stephen King worked as a janitor. None of this kept them from writing and from eventually making a very good living at it. The most probable outcome even if she is an extremely good writer is that she will make *some* money writing, but not enough to live on sustainably, for life. Whether her extremely good novel sells well isn't really up to her.

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 404
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6815 on: March 29, 2022, 02:02:39 PM »
Sadly the answer is zero. She is a good writer in my biased opinion I have read one of her stories published in a short story book and attended one of her readings in the area.  But I agree she does need to get a job. The Stephen King thing was pointed out to her as well as the late Toni Morrison an author my sister loves having a full time I think editing job before writing full time My stepfather tried to get her one at a local university and she turned it down flat.  I did observe her at the last Awesome Con which I attended because our mom had bought me a ticket and some photo package.  She did flit around buying various items which had mom grumbling continually plus disappearing to likely text boyfriend. 
Full disclosure: This year I am buying my own ticket to control when I can come and go.  Back on subject there is also grumbling that my sister helps with no household chores. From my observations she is queen of the basement only emerging for bathroom and food purchased I assume with her own bits of money.
Last week she posted about going to Kennedy Center to see the Riverdance. I was curious who'd paid for it.

Tass

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2503
  • Age: 29
  • Location: Crossing some mountains
  • Working on a PhD...
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6816 on: March 29, 2022, 04:12:43 PM »
Whether her extremely good novel sells well isn't really up to her.

I know a prolific but obscure published novelist who sometimes gets suggestions from non-writers to "try writing a bestseller." He's always like, "Oh, is it that easy?" (sarcasm)

NorthernIkigai

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 220
  • Connoisseur of Leisure
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6817 on: March 30, 2022, 12:56:35 PM »
Whether her extremely good novel sells well isn't really up to her.

I know a prolific but obscure published novelist who sometimes gets suggestions from non-writers to "try writing a bestseller." He's always like, "Oh, is it that easy?" (sarcasm)

Itís like those plans to promote something ďby making a viral videoĒÖ You donít make a vita video, you make a video and it very, very rarely goes viral.

SunnyDays

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2806
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6818 on: March 30, 2022, 07:10:53 PM »
She doesnít sound depressed to me.  More likely just enabled to live a non-productive life, coupled with a big dream and unwillingness to settle for anything less than that.  Because she doesnít have to, courtesy of parents.  Time to give her a deadline to move out.  She will figure it out when she has to.

gooki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2794
  • Location: NZ
    • My FIRE journal
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6819 on: March 30, 2022, 11:36:46 PM »
A few years fending for oneself with also address most of the immature tendencies.

Hula Hoop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1664
  • Location: Italy
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6820 on: March 31, 2022, 03:13:25 AM »
I had a close family friend when i was growing up who was a fiction writer.  She published several books, one of which won a top literary prize.  None were bestsellers but they did ok.  However, throughout her life she had a full time job on top of her writing to pay the bills.  When I knew her she taught creative writing workshops at various universities and summer programs.  When she was younger she had worked as a journalist.

Anyway, the fact that she's turned down decent jobs is pretty telling.  Unfortunately, your mother may have to throw her out of the basement.  Maybe she and your step father could downsize to a place with no room for her?

former player

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7837
  • Location: Avalon
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6821 on: March 31, 2022, 03:34:06 AM »
A friend of a relative of mine wrote a novel while working full time as a schoolteacher and raising two children.  After a slow start of a couple of years it turned into a book you have certainly heard of and probably read at school.   At that stage they could afford to stop working as a teacher and write full time.

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4767
  • Location: State: Denial
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6822 on: April 18, 2022, 09:13:03 AM »
*sigh* Some of my in-laws came to visit this past weekend, and we had an absolute blast.  But at lunch one day, the subject of investing came up, and it turns out that some of them are investing via Edward Jones.  And a few of the extended family are actual EJ agents/reps/whatever they're called.  It led to a decent conversation about fees and such, and they admitted they weren't super well-educated on it.  Here's hoping they'll see the light and jump ship.

dandarc

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4864
  • Age: 39
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6823 on: April 18, 2022, 09:18:23 AM »
*sigh* Some of my in-laws came to visit this past weekend, and we had an absolute blast.  But at lunch one day, the subject of investing came up, and it turns out that some of them are investing via Edward Jones.  And a few of the extended family are actual EJ agents/reps/whatever they're called.  It led to a decent conversation about fees and such, and they admitted they weren't super well-educated on it.  Here's hoping they'll see the light and jump ship.
I'd think the "not super well educated on it" are the EJ reps of the bunch . . .

AlanStache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2475
  • Age: 42
  • Location: South East Virginia
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6824 on: April 18, 2022, 01:15:42 PM »
*sigh* Some of my in-laws came to visit this past weekend, and we had an absolute blast.  But at lunch one day, the subject of investing came up, and it turns out that some of them are investing via Edward Jones.  And a few of the extended family are actual EJ agents/reps/whatever they're called.  It led to a decent conversation about fees and such, and they admitted they weren't super well-educated on it.  Here's hoping they'll see the light and jump ship.

... A sub-optimal plan started today that you can stick with vs continued inaction...

Not defending high fees and probably would not recommend them

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4767
  • Location: State: Denial
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6825 on: April 18, 2022, 03:05:27 PM »
*sigh* Some of my in-laws came to visit this past weekend, and we had an absolute blast.  But at lunch one day, the subject of investing came up, and it turns out that some of them are investing via Edward Jones.  And a few of the extended family are actual EJ agents/reps/whatever they're called.  It led to a decent conversation about fees and such, and they admitted they weren't super well-educated on it.  Here's hoping they'll see the light and jump ship.

... A sub-optimal plan started today that you can stick with vs continued inaction...

Not defending high fees and probably would not recommend them
Oh, by doing *any* investing, they're ahead of the average, sure.  But they could be doing SO much better with just about anybody.

Hall11235

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 230
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Mass
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6826 on: May 10, 2022, 08:15:28 AM »
Coming in hot with my annual rant about my in-laws gift giving culture.

Drives me absolutely nuts. EVERY person gets EVERY person a gift for EVERY holiday. So, for example, for mothers day, every mother got every other mother potted plants. It was like a damn florist's shop.

This extrapolates to birthdays, Christmases, Father's day, Easter. My wife spends probably 1.5-2.5k per year on gifts for family members. Christmas is a orgy of gift-giving, with literally 20-30 gifts per person.

I long ago decided that trying to stop this was a hill not worth dying on (as gift giving is a strong part of their familial love language), but I intend to seethe quietly about it in the background for the rest of my life and try to instill different values in my children. 

RainyDay

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 212
  • Location: northern Virginia
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6827 on: May 10, 2022, 09:33:31 AM »
I have relatives who refinance their house to pay off large sums of credit card debt.  While it's better to be paying a lower interest rate than the credit cards carry, they don't seem to realize that this is keeping them poor in the long run.  Twice they have re-financed the house to pay over $100k in credit card debt.  TWICE!  Lucky for them housing prices keep rising, but with increasing interest rates, this can't be a sustainable methodology.

Taran Wanderer

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1134
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6828 on: May 10, 2022, 10:02:37 PM »
Motherís Day brunch with the in-laws. The check comes.  DW points them to meÖ because as expected my tightwad multi-millionaire FIL wasnít going to pay. Heíd split it and pay their share, but pick up the check for everyone? No way. So I/we did.  And thatís okay.  Itís just funny.  Heís saved and saved and saved, and heís done it for so long, that he canít even be generous in those moments when (in my family at least) the ranking member would buy. Gotta love him. At least heís consistent.

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8659
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6829 on: May 10, 2022, 10:50:37 PM »
Motherís Day brunch with the in-laws. The check comes.  DW points them to meÖ because as expected my tightwad multi-millionaire FIL wasnít going to pay. Heíd split it and pay their share, but pick up the check for everyone? No way. So I/we did.  And thatís okay.  Itís just funny.  Heís saved and saved and saved, and heís done it for so long, that he canít even be generous in those moments when (in my family at least) the ranking member would buy. Gotta love him. At least heís consistent.
It's a sickness of the soul when it's like that.    Sorry.   

Not to pick on your FIL in particular.   We all have (or had) relatives with bad issues.   My parents turned into terrible racists.

Hopefully my issues will remain at the "humorous foible" stage for our relatives, friends and associates.

That's assuming, of course, they aren't worse.  :(

Taran Wanderer

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1134
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6830 on: May 10, 2022, 11:19:57 PM »
Theyíre actually super generous in many waysÖ but not for meals out.

gooki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2794
  • Location: NZ
    • My FIRE journal
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6831 on: May 11, 2022, 12:24:57 AM »
I can understand how it's hard to change habits like that. I have to force myself not to be cheap and pay the whole bill. Thankfully the more I do it, the easier it becomes.

ixtap

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3721
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6832 on: May 11, 2022, 08:01:46 AM »
My Dad always picks up the bill, but he is a lousy tipper. He rounds down to the nearest ten before calculating 15%, then often rounds down again. So I have to have cash to top up the top.

Hall11235

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 230
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Mass
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6833 on: May 11, 2022, 08:03:29 AM »
I have the opposite problem. I am ludicrously generous in public, often picking up the tab, etc. But, in private, I am crazy tightwad. Drives my DW crazy. :)

Sugaree

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1337
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6834 on: May 11, 2022, 08:48:46 AM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do. 

shureShote

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 138
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6835 on: May 11, 2022, 09:01:53 AM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do.

How did he ask you? Did he text or call you from the latest cellphone tech? Dive up to your place in a clown car?

I can't even imagine asking that question.

Hopefully he actually approached you with the proverbial hat in hand and had a plan all drawn out...but I doubt you would have posted it here is that was the case.

AMandM

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1453
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6836 on: May 11, 2022, 09:28:09 AM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do.

He;s obviously thinking you have less sense than you do.

Sugaree

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1337
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6837 on: May 11, 2022, 09:29:46 AM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do.

How did he ask you? Did he text or call you from the latest cellphone tech? Dive up to your place in a clown car?

I can't even imagine asking that question.

Hopefully he actually approached you with the proverbial hat in hand and had a plan all drawn out...but I doubt you would have posted it here is that was the case.

No plan (that he mentioned...but the fact that he was asking for collateral rather than straight up cash means that some thought was put into it).  But there were tears.  He is an assistant bank manager, so I wonder if this is a matter of keeping his job or not.  I also wonder if maybe I shouldn't have mentioned to my parents (whom he lives with) that I just got a promotion.  I did offer to join a particular credit union so that he can get membership through me and get in on their 0% BT offer.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2022, 09:32:18 AM by Sugaree »

sonofsven

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 902
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6838 on: May 11, 2022, 09:58:04 AM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do.

How did he ask you? Did he text or call you from the latest cellphone tech? Dive up to your place in a clown car?

I can't even imagine asking that question.

Hopefully he actually approached you with the proverbial hat in hand and had a plan all drawn out...but I doubt you would have posted it here is that was the case.

No plan (that he mentioned...but the fact that he was asking for collateral rather than straight up cash means that some thought was put into it).  But there were tears.  He is an assistant bank manager, so I wonder if this is a matter of keeping his job or not.  I also wonder if maybe I shouldn't have mentioned to my parents (whom he lives with) that I just got a promotion.  I did offer to join a particular credit union so that he can get membership through me and get in on their 0% BT offer.
Ironic that when one is in debt those good bt deals with 0% are near impossible to come by, but for those of us with good credit and low debt we have lots to choose from, but don't really need/want them.

Sugaree

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1337
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6839 on: May 11, 2022, 10:01:20 AM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do.

How did he ask you? Did he text or call you from the latest cellphone tech? Dive up to your place in a clown car?

I can't even imagine asking that question.

Hopefully he actually approached you with the proverbial hat in hand and had a plan all drawn out...but I doubt you would have posted it here is that was the case.

No plan (that he mentioned...but the fact that he was asking for collateral rather than straight up cash means that some thought was put into it).  But there were tears.  He is an assistant bank manager, so I wonder if this is a matter of keeping his job or not.  I also wonder if maybe I shouldn't have mentioned to my parents (whom he lives with) that I just got a promotion.  I did offer to join a particular credit union so that he can get membership through me and get in on their 0% BT offer.
Ironic that when one is in debt those good bt deals with 0% are near impossible to come by, but for those of us with good credit and low debt we have lots to choose from, but don't really need/want them.

Sometimes being the responsible one sucks.  I didn't bother asking his score, but I know when my grandfather died he had a mid-high 700s score, but owed ~$40k on 13 different cards.  All of them were current so his score was high.  It's ironic that two people who grew up in the same house and watched the same situations unfold went in two separate directions when it comes to money.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2022, 10:04:20 AM by Sugaree »

shureShote

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 138
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6840 on: May 11, 2022, 01:06:50 PM »


Sometimes being the responsible one sucks.  I didn't bother asking his score, but I know when my grandfather died he had a mid-high 700s score, but owed ~$40k on 13 different cards.  All of them were current so his score was high.  It's ironic that two people who grew up in the same house and watched the same situations unfold went in two separate directions when it comes to money.

Yeah, I have a somewhat similar deal with a sibling, though at a much different level. I guess it depends not only on what you are are exposed to, but how you absorb it. Rereading that clearly shows what a keen eye for the obvious I have.

lemanfan

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1167
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6841 on: May 11, 2022, 01:21:55 PM »
Ironic that when one is in debt those good bt deals with 0% are near impossible to come by, but for those of us with good credit and low debt we have lots to choose from, but don't really need/want them.

It's the same everywhere.  In the company world it is similarly recommended that the time to get a line of credit from your bank is when you don't need it. 

charis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2601
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6842 on: May 11, 2022, 01:28:37 PM »
My brother just asked to use my savings account as collateral on a secured loan to pay off credit cards.  To the tune of $25k.  He's obviously thinking I have more money than I do.

How did he ask you? Did he text or call you from the latest cellphone tech? Dive up to your place in a clown car?

I can't even imagine asking that question.

Hopefully he actually approached you with the proverbial hat in hand and had a plan all drawn out...but I doubt you would have posted it here is that was the case.

No plan (that he mentioned...but the fact that he was asking for collateral rather than straight up cash means that some thought was put into it).  But there were tears.  He is an assistant bank manager, so I wonder if this is a matter of keeping his job or not.  I also wonder if maybe I shouldn't have mentioned to my parents (whom he lives with) that I just got a promotion.  I did offer to join a particular credit union so that he can get membership through me and get in on their 0% BT offer.
Ironic that when one is in debt those good bt deals with 0% are near impossible to come by, but for those of us with good credit and low debt we have lots to choose from, but don't really need/want them.

Sometimes being the responsible one sucks.  I didn't bother asking his score, but I know when my grandfather died he had a mid-high 700s score, but owed ~$40k on 13 different cards.  All of them were current so his score was high.  It's ironic that two people who grew up in the same house and watched the same situations unfold went in two separate directions when it comes to money.

I'm in the same position in my family with my almost 40 year old mooch of a sibling who moved in with my elderly parents two years ago, shows no signs of moving out, and pays nothing toward the household expenses. I can't even believe I'm related to someone who thinks this is just fine to do.  I have no idea how much of my parents' retirement income has been wasted on my employed sibling, who thinks nothing of it.  Wtf

Gronnie

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 475
  • Age: 36
  • Location: MN
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6843 on: May 11, 2022, 03:16:28 PM »
Motherís Day brunch with the in-laws. The check comes.  DW points them to meÖ because as expected my tightwad multi-millionaire FIL wasnít going to pay. Heíd split it and pay their share, but pick up the check for everyone? No way. So I/we did.  And thatís okay.  Itís just funny.  Heís saved and saved and saved, and heís done it for so long, that he canít even be generous in those moments when (in my family at least) the ranking member would buy. Gotta love him. At least heís consistent.

It can go too far the other way too. My wife and I make way more than our in-laws and they insist on paying for everything, every time.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6277
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6844 on: May 11, 2022, 03:25:50 PM »
Motherís Day brunch with the in-laws. The check comes.  DW points them to meÖ because as expected my tightwad multi-millionaire FIL wasnít going to pay. Heíd split it and pay their share, but pick up the check for everyone? No way. So I/we did.  And thatís okay.  Itís just funny.  Heís saved and saved and saved, and heís done it for so long, that he canít even be generous in those moments when (in my family at least) the ranking member would buy. Gotta love him. At least heís consistent.

It can go too far the other way too. My wife and I make way more than our in-laws and they insist on paying for everything, every time.

My grandfather, who was an original millionaire-next-door type, before he died, often WOULD pay for everyone in his role as the patriarch. He was very generous with education funding. And for entertainment, not just dinner- like, plane tickets so everyone could come vacation together at a beach house. But even on the same vacation that he had already sunk thousands of dollars into, he was visibly more relaxed at the restaurant if he knew someone else was picking up the check! The habits of a lifetime can be hard to break.

jeninco

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2841
  • Location: .... duh?
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6845 on: May 11, 2022, 05:53:10 PM »
Motherís Day brunch with the in-laws. The check comes.  DW points them to meÖ because as expected my tightwad multi-millionaire FIL wasnít going to pay. Heíd split it and pay their share, but pick up the check for everyone? No way. So I/we did.  And thatís okay.  Itís just funny.  Heís saved and saved and saved, and heís done it for so long, that he canít even be generous in those moments when (in my family at least) the ranking member would buy. Gotta love him. At least heís consistent.

It can go too far the other way too. My wife and I make way more than our in-laws and they insist on paying for everything, every time.

My grandfather, who was an original millionaire-next-door type, before he died, often WOULD pay for everyone in his role as the patriarch. He was very generous with education funding. And for entertainment, not just dinner- like, plane tickets so everyone could come vacation together at a beach house. But even on the same vacation that he had already sunk thousands of dollars into, he was visibly more relaxed at the restaurant if he knew someone else was picking up the check! The habits of a lifetime can be hard to break.

I started picking up the check when I realized that our family of four was eating substantially more than the other folks at the table (and we could afford it). Since I'm obviously not the eldest, and am female, I started out doing it by "going to the restroom" and finding our server and handing them my CC. (This after I had a couple of arguments with various grand-male-types, which I lost graciously.) It's gotten to the point where my now-young-adult-kids look at me meaningfully when we're getting to the end of the meal...

The thing is, we can afford it, and we're happy to pick it up. Our monthly income is almost certainly higher...

ysette9

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8277
  • Location: Bay Area at heart living in the PNW
    • The Best Is Yet To Come
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6846 on: May 11, 2022, 09:16:43 PM »
I learned the bathroom trip credit card sleigh of hand from my husband. In Chinese culture it turns into a friendly fight over who will get the bill, so he learned early on to be sneaky to win.

charis

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2601
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6847 on: May 12, 2022, 07:20:48 AM »
Motherís Day brunch with the in-laws. The check comes.  DW points them to meÖ because as expected my tightwad multi-millionaire FIL wasnít going to pay. Heíd split it and pay their share, but pick up the check for everyone? No way. So I/we did.  And thatís okay.  Itís just funny.  Heís saved and saved and saved, and heís done it for so long, that he canít even be generous in those moments when (in my family at least) the ranking member would buy. Gotta love him. At least heís consistent.

It can go too far the other way too. My wife and I make way more than our in-laws and they insist on paying for everything, every time.

My grandfather, who was an original millionaire-next-door type, before he died, often WOULD pay for everyone in his role as the patriarch. He was very generous with education funding. And for entertainment, not just dinner- like, plane tickets so everyone could come vacation together at a beach house. But even on the same vacation that he had already sunk thousands of dollars into, he was visibly more relaxed at the restaurant if he knew someone else was picking up the check! The habits of a lifetime can be hard to break.

I started picking up the check when I realized that our family of four was eating substantially more than the other folks at the table (and we could afford it). Since I'm obviously not the eldest, and am female, I started out doing it by "going to the restroom" and finding our server and handing them my CC. (This after I had a couple of arguments with various grand-male-types, which I lost graciously.) It's gotten to the point where my now-young-adult-kids look at me meaningfully when we're getting to the end of the meal...

The thing is, we can afford it, and we're happy to pick it up. Our monthly income is almost certainly higher...

My parents still pay if they invite us out to dinner. We frequently decline because we don't feel comfortable with them paying but we also cannot drop $150 for six dinners on a regular basis. Technically we can "afford" it but we are also saving to college and don't enjoy restaurant meals with our kids. We almost never go out to eat as a family of 4 as it is.  I try to suggest eating in but they are retired and don't really like to cook. 

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17768
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6848 on: May 12, 2022, 07:42:12 AM »
I try to suggest eating in but they are retired and don't really like to cook.

Think how many dinners your mother has cooked over the years!  At some point I expect to really enjoy moving into a senior's residence with good food so I don't have to cook any more.    ;-)

ixtap

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3721
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6849 on: May 12, 2022, 07:53:28 AM »
We know a couple that eats the vast majority of their meals out. They have also offered to hook us up with their Guy.

My parents eat out quite a bit. They were a bit surprised when we went on a road trip and I had meals and snacks ready to heat and eat right in the hotel room (the microwave scampi shrimp turned out amazing, BTW) so we only ate lunch out each day.