Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 2817994 times)

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6450 on: July 07, 2021, 01:15:32 PM »
So they got a new puppy, and it acted like a puppy? And they freaked out because puppies act like puppies???

Well that's champion level fucking dumb.

Note: my family bred dogs for years, I've seen EVERY type of dumb fuck, fucking moron puppy buyer you could imagine.

I wish there were some type of stat we could obtain to see the proportion of returned puppies during covid vs. non-covid times.  I've raised several puppies, and some of the people getting puppies during covid I knew right away would either be shitty owners, or return the puppy.

Honestly, it's better that people return dogs than just keep them and be shitty owners.

pasadenafr

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6451 on: July 07, 2021, 01:17:55 PM »
After having a couple adult cats I got my first kitten last year and I’ve decided that I always want to live in a house with a kitten! She has unending energy and love and it turns out I do too!  Amazing.  In truth we don’t plan on another kitten any time soon, but this experience has been amazing. Our adult cat has definitely helped with the kitten raising and I’m guessing it’s the same with dogs. Two are a lot of work, but they are not two times the work.  I really have nothing of value to add… just… kittens. Gosh. I’m smitten.

Foster! I love cats, always had at least one, but my current job makes it hard to commit, so I started fostering - KITTENS! EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME (I do need to take a break from time to time lol). Mama cats with their litter are the best. I also foster adult special needs cats (non-medical), and that's incredibly rewarding.

Rescues are always looking for new fosters, you should be able to find one close by.

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6452 on: July 07, 2021, 01:18:08 PM »
I really think that folks considering getting a new pup should HAVE to "rent/borrow" a puppy from someone else for like 48 hours. It can be quite shocking when it's been a few years since your last one. Our pup is better now, but those first few days I'll admit that I kept wondering, "Geez did we make a huge mistake?"

We had the world’s best dog. She died a couple years ago at age 13-1/2. With COVID, we naturally got a dog - our first puppy - and we were shocked. This was after getting two kittens in COVID, so we were already at least partially primed. We definitely went through the “Geez did we make a huge mistake?” conversation multiple times, and we still do even though she’s 6+ months old and really a pretty great little dog. Puppydom is shocking with a good puppy. I’d hate to go through it with a difficult one.

SO and I love dogs and will likely always have 1 in the house. I will NEVER adopt a puppy. Our current doggo was roughly 2ish when we got her and it has been perfect. Probably going to always stick to this age range in the future.

Same. I LOVE dogs, and have been around so many puppies I lost count years ago. But even as someone whose family bred dogs, and I'm kind of an expert on managing puppies, I will never adopt a puppy. Ever.

I love puppies, but I love when *other people* adopt puppies. I'll stick with the old grumpy dogs that no one wants once they're not cute puppies anymore. I like the bitey guys who aren't safe with children, they're my favourite.

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6453 on: July 07, 2021, 01:30:22 PM »
I'm trying to decide if I should get a kitten, try with an adult, or just stick to just having Arwen. The issue is that Arwen doesn't like being the only cat, but she doesn't want to actually interact with the other cat. I have time for now because I still have parent's cats in the house, and once they move it will be a while before Arwen gets unhappy. I'm not really home enough for a kitten though.

Could you go for a “teenager?”  Old enough to be a little calmer and independent but perhaps young enough for OG cat to maintain their role as ruler?

It's something to consider. I just want cat peace in the house. Whatever is going to get me cat peace.

PMG

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6454 on: July 07, 2021, 01:34:07 PM »
After having a couple adult cats I got my first kitten last year and I’ve decided that I always want to live in a house with a kitten! She has unending energy and love and it turns out I do too!  Amazing.  In truth we don’t plan on another kitten any time soon, but this experience has been amazing. Our adult cat has definitely helped with the kitten raising and I’m guessing it’s the same with dogs. Two are a lot of work, but they are not two times the work.  I really have nothing of value to add… just… kittens. Gosh. I’m smitten.

Foster! I love cats, always had at least one, but my current job makes it hard to commit, so I started fostering - KITTENS! EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME (I do need to take a break from time to time lol). Mama cats with their litter are the best. I also foster adult special needs cats (non-medical), and that's incredibly rewarding.

Rescues are always looking for new fosters, you should be able to find one close by.

I've thought about it in vague terms.  We have such good harmony between our two, I am hesitant to upset the fruit basket by bringing in fosters.  We're also in a very small house. Slow introductions are impossible, but maybe someday we'll be able to foster!

dignam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6455 on: July 07, 2021, 02:00:32 PM »
Our dog just turned 2, and is basically a perfect sweetheart.  I cannot remember the last time I had to scold or correct her for anything.

That said, she was a terrorist/demon/possessed creature as a puppy.  She had a particular fascination with my girlfriend and would target her specifically with her shark-like baby teeth...repeatedly.  Until my gf was in tears.  That evil puppy stage only lasted a couple months though.  We knew what we were getting in to luckily.

Still worth it for the lottery jackpot of a dog we have now.  Not for everyone though, I can see how people get in over their heads, especially if you can't be there 24/7 for the puppy.

Plina

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6456 on: July 07, 2021, 02:04:56 PM »
There is a reason all my cats have been adult adoptees.  Kittens are so cute, with their needle-sharp teeth and their needle-sharp claws, and their nocturnal play time.

It's too bad we don't actually find babies under cabbages.  Then we could just return them there.  ;-)  Yes, when she was a baby DD could cry for 3 hours straight. She lived.

That is the good thing about nieces. You can return them when they start to smell or are getting noisy.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2021, 10:39:01 PM by Plina »

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6457 on: July 07, 2021, 02:34:05 PM »
I'm another fan of adopting older dogs.  Our oldest dog was just shy of 3 when he came to us.  We were his third home in two years.  For the first six weeks he lived with us, he'd carry all of his toys from one room to the other like he was going to have to pack up and move again.  Someone had spent a lot of time working with him because he was housebroken and had basic manners training and given the fact that he's the stupidest golden retriever on the planet that's saying a lot.  He's older and slower now, but still the best boi ever.

The younger dog, however.  The vet estimates that she was closer to 8 months old.  She's about 2 now and is just now getting out of that hard-headed jerk phase that many labs seem to go through.  We had to do the housebreaking, and lost several rugs to it.  But luckily she was much smarter than the other dog and took to it quickly.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6458 on: July 07, 2021, 02:35:13 PM »
There is a reason all my cats have been adult adoptees.  Kittens are so cute, with their needle-sharp teeth and their needle-sharp claws, and their nocturnal play time.

It's too bad we don't actually find babies under cabbages.  Then we could just return them there.  ;-)  Yes, when she was a baby DD could cry for 3 hours straight. She lived.

That is the good thing about nieces. You can return them when they start to small or are getting noisy.

And grandchildren!

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6459 on: July 07, 2021, 02:39:57 PM »
Our dog just turned 2, and is basically a perfect sweetheart.  I cannot remember the last time I had to scold or correct her for anything.

That said, she was a terrorist/demon/possessed creature as a puppy.  She had a particular fascination with my girlfriend and would target her specifically with her shark-like baby teeth...repeatedly.  Until my gf was in tears.  That evil puppy stage only lasted a couple months though.  We knew what we were getting in to luckily.

Still worth it for the lottery jackpot of a dog we have now.  Not for everyone though, I can see how people get in over their heads, especially if you can't be there 24/7 for the puppy.

My puppies (same breed, different breeders) all came home at about 8-9 weeks.  Yes they took a fair bit of attention but at that age you know it is coming.  I got to see a comet with #2 because it was only visible in the middle of the night.  And we were out at 3AM every night (in January, brr) doing our house-training.

My first cat came to us as a kitten.  What a demon, she was actually named after her behaviour.  Cats 2, 3, and 4 were all adults.

better late

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6460 on: July 07, 2021, 03:21:20 PM »
My wife's family has a long history of pace punching financial moves.  She is actually an outlier now as the only one who is making sound decisions and financial progress.  I won't go into all of the stories (way too many examples), but I'll share some of the highlights below:

- MIL:  "we can't do auto-bill pay because FIL is a realtor, and we don't know when his commissions will come (every bill is practically always past due with added penalty fees)"

- MIL:  FIL sadly passed away unexpectedly a few years ago, and she received about $200k in insurance payouts.  There is $23k left in the account today.  Nothing to show for it.  No idea where it all went, but she doesn't work, so every day has to be a net outflow to fill the loss of FIL.

- BIL #1:  "Real estate here (mid-atlantic metro ex-burbs) is too expensive, I think we might move to FL in the next couple years because it's warmer and cheaper.  If I ever do buy a place here, it will be a rental property... my landlord makes a killing off of the triplex that we rent."  ($0 saved living paycheck to paycheck)

- Uncle #1 (approx 52 y/o) who thinks he's rich:  "Love del friscos, they treat me like a king there, I do like $50k / yr with them in business deals and family meals (fancy executive you ask? nope - mortgage broker / snake oil salesman)."

- Uncle #1:  "Yeah we're killing it this year, going to open up a couple new offices in FL, I go to the Ritz all the time in Orlando and they always hook me up, love it there!  - Shows pic of fancy rental car, disney, the whole vacation works -

- Uncle #1:  "Just got [his daughter] new wheels, wife got the new Lincoln Aviator, and I just traded in my 1 y/o BMW for the new fancy BMW... tight!"  - proceeds to show me how he can steer it out of the garage with a fob key - ... Uncle #1 foreclosed on his beach house, and had to downsize his primary in 2008... now has $200k in car loans, and talking about a vacation house in FL! lovely!

- Uncle #2:  Restaurant owner banking on his restaurant profits to retire off of.  He did nothing to change his business during 2020, instead he just dug into his savings to pay the lease each month, and closed.  During the holidays he was so stressed out that he pulled a gun on a guy who cut him off at a stop light.  Proceeds to blame everything on politics for why he's close to broke.  Fast forward to this spring after he re-opened... rolls up to the house in his brand new $90k truck, with his son right behind him in brand new muscle car that he bought for him.  Classic.

- Aunt #1:  You should really look into this boxing subscription, it's like peloton for boxing!  The bag is $1,500 and the classes are like $40/month.

- Uncle #3 - has a very profitable business, and can afford all of his fancy spending... but the waste is cringe worthy.  Has about 10 vehicles parked in his driveway, and is currently building a new house that is about 8,000 square feet (mansion). 

- Cousin #1:  We need a new car, I hate my Honda Pilot (huge pricey SUV).  Her husband was about to buy a brand new Yukon, but the wife nixed it because it's not big enough.  Fast forward a few weeks... "I love my new Yukon XL (or something like that that's even bigger), the kids love the TVs in the back.  She has 2 kids. 

- BIL #2:  25 y/o, asking me for advice on investing, personal finance, etc... wow good for him heading down the right path and seeking advice at such a young age!  I got him set up with a retirement account and contributions, and then a brokerage account for money he makes on his side hustles.  After a few months, he makes a couple thousand dollars in appreciation (the post-covid boom).  I ask him how it's going, and he said he emptied out his accounts to take profits, so he could add tinted windows, chrome wheels, and a new spoiler to the new Jeep that he just bought.  FACE PUNCH

I honestly don't know how my wife escaped this toxic family spending dynamic.

Cheers to you all for keeping me sane through the years!

Whoa. Just. Whoa.
How did your wife get smart about money? I’m curious

pasadenafr

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6461 on: July 07, 2021, 03:34:48 PM »
My first cat came to us as a kitten.  What a demon, she was actually named after her behaviour.

What's her name?

Adventine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6462 on: July 07, 2021, 03:45:18 PM »
I've probably mentioned that I've got an uncle who has a long history of making bad decisions, most of which involve money and/or women.  It's official.  He's bringing his fiancée over from Central America at the end of the month on a K1 visa.  So, I guess within the next 3 months or so I'll have a new aunt who's younger than me.  This will be wife #4.  And my uncle has had to go back to work at 67 in order to have the sufficient funds to sponsor her and her kids.

As a former K1 visa applicant myself, and currently going through the labyrinth called US immigration, your uncle and his new wife and stepkids are most likely going to have problems.

On top of whatever travel, visa, relocation, and wedding expenses they've already incurred, they will also need to file for adjustment of status (AOS) shortly after the foreign citizens' arrival in the US. This will cost a minimum of USD 1,225 for the foreign citizen fiancee and USD 750 - 1225 per child, depending on their ages (source). If they don't file for AOS, the fiancee and her kids won't have any kind of legal status in the US.

Moreover, K1 visa holders aren't authorized to work in the US until they get either a work permit (EAD) or a green card. With COVID delays, EADs are taking 6-12 months to be issued. Green cards are taking up to two years.

I'm part of another immigration forum where I see sob stories every day about US spouses and foreign beneficiaries who didn't understand the implications of the K1 visa, couldn't afford to file for AOS and/or couldn't afford to have only one income earner. Sometimes the marriages break down because of the strain.

Adults are free to screw up their finances however they want, but it's heartbreaking when kids are involved. They're uprooted from their home countries, brought to a foreign country, and end up with no legal status because their parents weren't prepared.

If you have the chance to talk to your uncle about all this before his fiancee's arrival, I highly recommend that you do.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2021, 03:57:27 PM by Adventine »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6463 on: July 07, 2021, 04:20:08 PM »
My first cat came to us as a kitten.  What a demon, she was actually named after her behaviour.

What's her name?

She is long gone. 

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6464 on: July 07, 2021, 04:58:35 PM »
I've probably mentioned that I've got an uncle who has a long history of making bad decisions, most of which involve money and/or women.  It's official.  He's bringing his fiancée over from Central America at the end of the month on a K1 visa.  So, I guess within the next 3 months or so I'll have a new aunt who's younger than me.  This will be wife #4.  And my uncle has had to go back to work at 67 in order to have the sufficient funds to sponsor her and her kids.

As a former K1 visa applicant myself, and currently going through the labyrinth called US immigration, your uncle and his new wife and stepkids are most likely going to have problems.

On top of whatever travel, visa, relocation, and wedding expenses they've already incurred, they will also need to file for adjustment of status (AOS) shortly after the foreign citizens' arrival in the US. This will cost a minimum of USD 1,225 for the foreign citizen fiancee and USD 750 - 1225 per child, depending on their ages (source). If they don't file for AOS, the fiancee and her kids won't have any kind of legal status in the US.

Moreover, K1 visa holders aren't authorized to work in the US until they get either a work permit (EAD) or a green card. With COVID delays, EADs are taking 6-12 months to be issued. Green cards are taking up to two years.

I'm part of another immigration forum where I see sob stories every day about US spouses and foreign beneficiaries who didn't understand the implications of the K1 visa, couldn't afford to file for AOS and/or couldn't afford to have only one income earner. Sometimes the marriages break down because of the strain.

Adults are free to screw up their finances however they want, but it's heartbreaking when kids are involved. They're uprooted from their home countries, brought to a foreign country, and end up with no legal status because their parents weren't prepared.

If you have the chance to talk to your uncle about all this before his fiancee's arrival, I highly recommend that you do.

Unfortunately, he's never taken advice well, so I'm not sure how well this will go.  I'm actually a bit concerned about the kids.  They are like 8 and 2.  They swear that they aren't my uncle's kids, though I think the youngest looks a lot like my cousin did as a baby.  But the person listed on the birth certificate "isn't involved" so I dont know if he's even been told the kids are leaving.  I would assume he would have to be, but who knows.  Oh, and did I mention that my uncle owes the IRS a metric ton of money.

Adventine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6465 on: July 07, 2021, 05:10:02 PM »
I've probably mentioned that I've got an uncle who has a long history of making bad decisions, most of which involve money and/or women.  It's official.  He's bringing his fiancée over from Central America at the end of the month on a K1 visa.  So, I guess within the next 3 months or so I'll have a new aunt who's younger than me.  This will be wife #4.  And my uncle has had to go back to work at 67 in order to have the sufficient funds to sponsor her and her kids.

As a former K1 visa applicant myself, and currently going through the labyrinth called US immigration, your uncle and his new wife and stepkids are most likely going to have problems.

On top of whatever travel, visa, relocation, and wedding expenses they've already incurred, they will also need to file for adjustment of status (AOS) shortly after the foreign citizens' arrival in the US. This will cost a minimum of USD 1,225 for the foreign citizen fiancee and USD 750 - 1225 per child, depending on their ages (source). If they don't file for AOS, the fiancee and her kids won't have any kind of legal status in the US.

Moreover, K1 visa holders aren't authorized to work in the US until they get either a work permit (EAD) or a green card. With COVID delays, EADs are taking 6-12 months to be issued. Green cards are taking up to two years.

I'm part of another immigration forum where I see sob stories every day about US spouses and foreign beneficiaries who didn't understand the implications of the K1 visa, couldn't afford to file for AOS and/or couldn't afford to have only one income earner. Sometimes the marriages break down because of the strain.

Adults are free to screw up their finances however they want, but it's heartbreaking when kids are involved. They're uprooted from their home countries, brought to a foreign country, and end up with no legal status because their parents weren't prepared.

If you have the chance to talk to your uncle about all this before his fiancee's arrival, I highly recommend that you do.

Unfortunately, he's never taken advice well, so I'm not sure how well this will go.  I'm actually a bit concerned about the kids.  They are like 8 and 2.  They swear that they aren't my uncle's kids, though I think the youngest looks a lot like my cousin did as a baby.  But the person listed on the birth certificate "isn't involved" so I dont know if he's even been told the kids are leaving.  I would assume he would have to be, but who knows.  Oh, and did I mention that my uncle owes the IRS a metric ton of money.

That could be a problem. Depending on their home country's laws, the mother may need the bio dad's consent for the kids to immigrate to the US. If she takes them without the bio dad's consent, she could be charged with kidnapping.

On the other hand, if the kids are actually your uncle's biological children, they may qualify to be US citizens. I'm going to assume that your uncle is 100% sure that they aren't his biological kids, and therefore the kids have K2 visas tied to their mother's K1 visa.

Immigration stuff aside, this is one potential family disaster I hope I never read about on the MMM forum.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2021, 05:14:24 PM by Adventine »

PDXTabs

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6466 on: July 07, 2021, 05:13:42 PM »
RE: K1 visas. I watched my family go through this. It's possible with some means and ability to navigate bureaucracy, but you better have both. It did end in divorce, but also US citizenship and a job in the US military with benefits, and they still visit us when they are in town.

iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6467 on: July 07, 2021, 05:33:38 PM »
I have fostered dogs for local breed rescue for a dozen years and was involved in the breed 15 years prior with a bit of fostering in there.

You would have to pay me to have a puppy.  I much prefer adult dogs. I don’t even especially like to visit small puppies.

A good illustration of this was an incident took place last year when our head of rescue hand picked the PERFECT rescue dog for us to adopt. This is the kind of dog our rescue group makes real money on (which seldom happens since most dogs run us into the red.)  We got dibs because we are uber involved, experienced foster people.

She was a Puppy, around 6 months old. She had the perfect rescue  story—dramatic, with happy ending. She is a show quality dog. She is happy and confident.

So when Our head of rescue offered her to us, I thought wow yeah! She’s gorgeous! Of course we want her!

But unfortunately she was a —puppy. And she was young for her estimated  age.  Despite how pretty she was and damn she was pretty, I didn’t bond with her within the first few days but I thought OK let’s give it some time. By the 10th  day I thought I’m not feeling anything for this dog. And she was justinto everything
, Always eating and chewing.  And the killer deal was that she ate everything in our  garden. I didn’t mind that plants were destroyed, but she was always eating things and her digestive system reacted badly.

 I did not want to have to take her outside to go to the bathroom on a leash and always be watching her in the yard. That is not my lifestyle. And frankly, I wasn’t into this darling  little crazy puppy. So, we passed her on to the next well-known foster people in line who live in a condo and they can watch what she eats when outside.

I don’t regret giving her up she just was not my dog. Some weeks later athree-year-old male came to us for fostering and he  has ended up staying. He is our dog.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2021, 05:40:41 PM by iris lily »

Evildunk99

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6468 on: July 07, 2021, 06:20:03 PM »


Whoa. Just. Whoa.
How did your wife get smart about money? I’m curious
[/quote]


She accumulated student loans while earning her undergrad and then graduate degrees.  She didn't have much room for error and established good habits during those student years.  The graduate degree bumped her income substantially higher, but she kept the good habits.

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6469 on: July 08, 2021, 06:01:24 AM »
I've probably mentioned that I've got an uncle who has a long history of making bad decisions, most of which involve money and/or women.  It's official.  He's bringing his fiancée over from Central America at the end of the month on a K1 visa.  So, I guess within the next 3 months or so I'll have a new aunt who's younger than me.  This will be wife #4.  And my uncle has had to go back to work at 67 in order to have the sufficient funds to sponsor her and her kids.

As a former K1 visa applicant myself, and currently going through the labyrinth called US immigration, your uncle and his new wife and stepkids are most likely going to have problems.

On top of whatever travel, visa, relocation, and wedding expenses they've already incurred, they will also need to file for adjustment of status (AOS) shortly after the foreign citizens' arrival in the US. This will cost a minimum of USD 1,225 for the foreign citizen fiancee and USD 750 - 1225 per child, depending on their ages (source). If they don't file for AOS, the fiancee and her kids won't have any kind of legal status in the US.

Moreover, K1 visa holders aren't authorized to work in the US until they get either a work permit (EAD) or a green card. With COVID delays, EADs are taking 6-12 months to be issued. Green cards are taking up to two years.

I'm part of another immigration forum where I see sob stories every day about US spouses and foreign beneficiaries who didn't understand the implications of the K1 visa, couldn't afford to file for AOS and/or couldn't afford to have only one income earner. Sometimes the marriages break down because of the strain.

Adults are free to screw up their finances however they want, but it's heartbreaking when kids are involved. They're uprooted from their home countries, brought to a foreign country, and end up with no legal status because their parents weren't prepared.

If you have the chance to talk to your uncle about all this before his fiancee's arrival, I highly recommend that you do.

Unfortunately, he's never taken advice well, so I'm not sure how well this will go.  I'm actually a bit concerned about the kids.  They are like 8 and 2.  They swear that they aren't my uncle's kids, though I think the youngest looks a lot like my cousin did as a baby.  But the person listed on the birth certificate "isn't involved" so I dont know if he's even been told the kids are leaving.  I would assume he would have to be, but who knows.  Oh, and did I mention that my uncle owes the IRS a metric ton of money.

That could be a problem. Depending on their home country's laws, the mother may need the bio dad's consent for the kids to immigrate to the US. If she takes them without the bio dad's consent, she could be charged with kidnapping.

On the other hand, if the kids are actually your uncle's biological children, they may qualify to be US citizens. I'm going to assume that your uncle is 100% sure that they aren't his biological kids, and therefore the kids have K2 visas tied to their mother's K1 visa.

Immigration stuff aside, this is one potential family disaster I hope I never read about on the MMM forum.

It's already a mess and I'm very much not my circus about this whole situation.  He says he has an attorney, so hopefully it's a good one who is giving him all this information.  My mother is concerned that she's going to somehow end up financially responsible, which I've told her shouldn't be a problem as long as she doesn't sign any legal agreements. 

Out of curiosity, what happens if the citizen spouse dies before the immigrant spouse gets citizenship?

Adventine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6470 on: July 08, 2021, 07:12:24 AM »
I've probably mentioned that I've got an uncle who has a long history of making bad decisions, most of which involve money and/or women.  It's official.  He's bringing his fiancée over from Central America at the end of the month on a K1 visa.  So, I guess within the next 3 months or so I'll have a new aunt who's younger than me.  This will be wife #4.  And my uncle has had to go back to work at 67 in order to have the sufficient funds to sponsor her and her kids.

As a former K1 visa applicant myself, and currently going through the labyrinth called US immigration, your uncle and his new wife and stepkids are most likely going to have problems.

On top of whatever travel, visa, relocation, and wedding expenses they've already incurred, they will also need to file for adjustment of status (AOS) shortly after the foreign citizens' arrival in the US. This will cost a minimum of USD 1,225 for the foreign citizen fiancee and USD 750 - 1225 per child, depending on their ages (source). If they don't file for AOS, the fiancee and her kids won't have any kind of legal status in the US.

Moreover, K1 visa holders aren't authorized to work in the US until they get either a work permit (EAD) or a green card. With COVID delays, EADs are taking 6-12 months to be issued. Green cards are taking up to two years.

I'm part of another immigration forum where I see sob stories every day about US spouses and foreign beneficiaries who didn't understand the implications of the K1 visa, couldn't afford to file for AOS and/or couldn't afford to have only one income earner. Sometimes the marriages break down because of the strain.

Adults are free to screw up their finances however they want, but it's heartbreaking when kids are involved. They're uprooted from their home countries, brought to a foreign country, and end up with no legal status because their parents weren't prepared.

If you have the chance to talk to your uncle about all this before his fiancee's arrival, I highly recommend that you do.

Unfortunately, he's never taken advice well, so I'm not sure how well this will go.  I'm actually a bit concerned about the kids.  They are like 8 and 2.  They swear that they aren't my uncle's kids, though I think the youngest looks a lot like my cousin did as a baby.  But the person listed on the birth certificate "isn't involved" so I dont know if he's even been told the kids are leaving.  I would assume he would have to be, but who knows.  Oh, and did I mention that my uncle owes the IRS a metric ton of money.

That could be a problem. Depending on their home country's laws, the mother may need the bio dad's consent for the kids to immigrate to the US. If she takes them without the bio dad's consent, she could be charged with kidnapping.

On the other hand, if the kids are actually your uncle's biological children, they may qualify to be US citizens. I'm going to assume that your uncle is 100% sure that they aren't his biological kids, and therefore the kids have K2 visas tied to their mother's K1 visa.

Immigration stuff aside, this is one potential family disaster I hope I never read about on the MMM forum.

It's already a mess and I'm very much not my circus about this whole situation.  He says he has an attorney, so hopefully it's a good one who is giving him all this information.  My mother is concerned that she's going to somehow end up financially responsible, which I've told her shouldn't be a problem as long as she doesn't sign any legal agreements. 

Out of curiosity, what happens if the citizen spouse dies before the immigrant spouse gets citizenship?

You're right. Your mother shouldn't sign any legal agreements and should not agree to become what is called a joint sponsor, which can be required by the government if they determine that your uncle cannot financially support his new family. You can read about the legal obligations of the primary sponsor (your uncle) and any potential joint sponsor on page 6 of this document: Form I-864 (Affidavit of Support).

If the US citizen spouse dies, the immigrant spouse still has a chance to acquire US citizenship but will have to prove that they had a bonafide marriage, as well as maintain legal residency in the US for some years. The exact requirements will vary depending on how far along they are in the immigration process by the time the US citizen passes away.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6471 on: July 09, 2021, 04:46:05 PM »
That said, we probably won't get another dog. They're so restricting. I can't stay out too long on a particular day, because we have to get home to let the dog out. It's actually more hassle to find care for the dog when we want to take a vacation than it is to get the in-laws to watch our toddler.
Dog owning friends are the answer.  My dog does very badly in kennels (it's how I got him: I happened to be in contact with the RSPCA the week he came in to their kennels and he was so upset they wanted him out as soon as possible) so I've made sure to build up a network of dog-owning people I meet out walking so that we can swop dog-sitting favours.  It's important the dog is sociable with people and other dogs and reasonably well trained, of course.
This stresses me out.  Our dog is NOT good with other dogs or people, and we are going on vacation for 2 weeks...my friends think that boarding at the Humane Society is depressing.  Which, yah.  But she came from there, and she'll have her own little private enclosure...

But our first attempt will be to get someone to house and dog sit who KNOWS dogs, and will just give her space.

auntie_betty

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6472 on: July 09, 2021, 11:36:57 PM »
There is a reason all my cats have been adult adoptees.  Kittens are so cute, with their needle-sharp teeth and their needle-sharp claws, and their nocturnal play time.


I'd never had a cat, let alone a kitten, when we got ours.

I was worried he'd be scared and hide from us.

By day 2 when he was zooming up the curtains for the 5th time I was the one hiding.

Now he's grown up I miss his kitten antics. He's much too cool to do stuff like that now :( .

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6473 on: July 11, 2021, 01:53:38 PM »
Kitten fostering is the best! It was on my early retirement bucket list and when Covid put me at home all day, I figured, why wait? I've kept 9 babies out of the shelter and found them homes, with 3 more close to ready.

I highly recommend a pet tent (or pet playpen) when they're not yet ready for the whole house (or need quarentining), and for overnights. You can leave their food available for them all night, so they won't be meowing for you in the early AM.

It feels like such a privilage that I get to take these hilarious puffballs home with me, and then move them along when the time is right.

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6474 on: July 11, 2021, 08:55:14 PM »
Kitten fostering is the best! It was on my early retirement bucket list and when Covid put me at home all day, I figured, why wait? I've kept 9 babies out of the shelter and found them homes, with 3 more close to ready.

I highly recommend a pet tent (or pet playpen) when they're not yet ready for the whole house (or need quarentining), and for overnights. You can leave their food available for them all night, so they won't be meowing for you in the early AM.

It feels like such a privilage that I get to take these hilarious puffballs home with me, and then move them along when the time is right.

Ugh, if I wasn't allergic to cat fur, I would so foster cats.

Alas, the only cats I can have are hairless or nearly hairless, and they don't tend to end up homeless and needing foster care.

pasadenafr

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6475 on: July 12, 2021, 08:43:23 AM »
Kitten fostering is the best! It was on my early retirement bucket list and when Covid put me at home all day, I figured, why wait? I've kept 9 babies out of the shelter and found them homes, with 3 more close to ready.

I highly recommend a pet tent (or pet playpen) when they're not yet ready for the whole house (or need quarentining), and for overnights. You can leave their food available for them all night, so they won't be meowing for you in the early AM.

It feels like such a privilage that I get to take these hilarious puffballs home with me, and then move them along when the time is right.

Fostering cats (both kittens and adults) saved my sanity during the pandemic. It's a lot of work, but it's SO MUCH FUN. There's nothing like having 3 kittens on your keyboard when you're on video calls all day, then getting all the furry, purry cuddles.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6476 on: July 12, 2021, 11:50:22 AM »
Kitten fostering is the best! It was on my early retirement bucket list and when Covid put me at home all day, I figured, why wait? I've kept 9 babies out of the shelter and found them homes, with 3 more close to ready.

I highly recommend a pet tent (or pet playpen) when they're not yet ready for the whole house (or need quarentining), and for overnights. You can leave their food available for them all night, so they won't be meowing for you in the early AM.

It feels like such a privilage that I get to take these hilarious puffballs home with me, and then move them along when the time is right.

Fostering cats (both kittens and adults) saved my sanity during the pandemic. It's a lot of work, but it's SO MUCH FUN. There's nothing like having 3 kittens on your keyboard when you're on video calls all day, then getting all the furry, purry cuddles.

I'm afraid that if I fostered kittens, I'd never let them go. On the other hand, the one kitten we ever had turned into a psycho cat (to everyone but me). We now have a cat sharing  arrangement with my sister-in-law, so we have him Wednesday evening thru Sunday afternoon most weeks. He's 11, and the best cat ever!


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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6477 on: July 12, 2021, 01:44:55 PM »
That said, we probably won't get another dog. They're so restricting. I can't stay out too long on a particular day, because we have to get home to let the dog out. It's actually more hassle to find care for the dog when we want to take a vacation than it is to get the in-laws to watch our toddler.
Dog owning friends are the answer.  My dog does very badly in kennels (it's how I got him: I happened to be in contact with the RSPCA the week he came in to their kennels and he was so upset they wanted him out as soon as possible) so I've made sure to build up a network of dog-owning people I meet out walking so that we can swop dog-sitting favours.  It's important the dog is sociable with people and other dogs and reasonably well trained, of course.
This stresses me out.  Our dog is NOT good with other dogs or people, and we are going on vacation for 2 weeks...my friends think that boarding at the Humane Society is depressing.  Which, yah.  But she came from there, and she'll have her own little private enclosure...

But our first attempt will be to get someone to house and dog sit who KNOWS dogs, and will just give her space.

Maybe I'm heard-hearted or something, but most all dogs will be fine during a temporary kennel stay. I mean, they are dogs. as long as they are getting food, water, some exercise and some socialization, they will be okay.

Our pup stayed at a "pup hotel" type place (about $50/night) during our recent NYC trip, and he was fine. Lots of places offer the "all day play" type of model where your dog is playing with other dogs in an outside area or an inside area most of the day. They get shade, water, etc. I didn't feel guilty at all.

Now if our pup was going to be inside his cage like 23 hours a day, then YES I would feel guilty as hell then (we wouldn't do that). I think it's just a matter of finding the right place.

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6478 on: July 12, 2021, 02:41:12 PM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6479 on: July 13, 2021, 02:16:44 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

I 100% agree with you on all three points here.

Dicey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6480 on: July 13, 2021, 04:38:49 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.
Do you have Netflix? I just watched the credit card episode of "Money, Explained". It scared the crap out of me and I never carry a balance. For someone like your husband, it's sure to be a real eye opener.

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6481 on: July 13, 2021, 05:35:01 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.
Do you have Netflix? I just watched the credit card episode of "Money, Explained". It scared the crap out of me and I never carry a balance. For someone like your husband, it's sure to be a real eye opener.

Ohh..I haven't seen that show yet.  Thanks for the recommendation.  It's not that he doesn't know, he's just fallen into that trap of watching people buy things that they can't really afford. 

Uturn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6482 on: July 13, 2021, 06:01:34 AM »
Do you have Netflix? I just watched the credit card episode of "Money, Explained". It scared the crap out of me and I never carry a balance. For someone like your husband, it's sure to be a real eye opener.

I watched that last night.  Yay! I'm a deadbeat!

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6483 on: July 13, 2021, 06:37:57 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

You live with someone who won't get a job, wants to spend more money, and thinks that carrying a credit card balance is the way to do it?

Fucking hell...how do you manage that???

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6484 on: July 13, 2021, 08:12:41 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

You live with someone who won't get a job, wants to spend more money, and thinks that carrying a credit card balance is the way to do it?

Fucking hell...how do you manage that???

It's a little more nuanced than he won't get a job.  There are some health issues going on, but this is definitely not what I signed up for.  There are sacrifices that have to be made when you're in a single-income family.  We've cut nearly everything that can be cut (don't get me started on his cigarettes), we need to increase income.  A consistent $100/week would make all the difference in the world. 

He thinks we should save less, which is easy to say when you're not the one who's going to be working until noon on the day of their funeral. 
« Last Edit: July 13, 2021, 08:17:17 AM by Sugaree »

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6485 on: July 13, 2021, 08:50:33 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

You live with someone who won't get a job, wants to spend more money, and thinks that carrying a credit card balance is the way to do it?

Fucking hell...how do you manage that???

It's a little more nuanced than he won't get a job.  There are some health issues going on, but this is definitely not what I signed up for.  There are sacrifices that have to be made when you're in a single-income family.  We've cut nearly everything that can be cut (don't get me started on his cigarettes), we need to increase income.  A consistent $100/week would make all the difference in the world. 

He thinks we should save less, which is easy to say when you're not the one who's going to be working until noon on the day of their funeral.

Yeah, I can understand those nuances, I'm in a single income household where the major breadwinner suddenly became disabled in their 30s.

I still don't get how you manage without losing your shit.

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6486 on: July 13, 2021, 08:51:45 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

You live with someone who won't get a job, wants to spend more money, and thinks that carrying a credit card balance is the way to do it?

Fucking hell...how do you manage that???

It's a little more nuanced than he won't get a job.  There are some health issues going on, but this is definitely not what I signed up for.  There are sacrifices that have to be made when you're in a single-income family.  We've cut nearly everything that can be cut (don't get me started on his cigarettes), we need to increase income.  A consistent $100/week would make all the difference in the world. 

He thinks we should save less, which is easy to say when you're not the one who's going to be working until noon on the day of their funeral.

Yeah, I can understand those nuances, I'm in a single income household where the major breadwinner suddenly became disabled in their 30s.

I still don't get how you manage without losing your shit.

Who says I haven't lost my shit?

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6487 on: July 13, 2021, 08:54:17 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

You live with someone who won't get a job, wants to spend more money, and thinks that carrying a credit card balance is the way to do it?

Fucking hell...how do you manage that???

It's a little more nuanced than he won't get a job.  There are some health issues going on, but this is definitely not what I signed up for.  There are sacrifices that have to be made when you're in a single-income family.  We've cut nearly everything that can be cut (don't get me started on his cigarettes), we need to increase income.  A consistent $100/week would make all the difference in the world. 

He thinks we should save less, which is easy to say when you're not the one who's going to be working until noon on the day of their funeral.

Yeah, I can understand those nuances, I'm in a single income household where the major breadwinner suddenly became disabled in their 30s.

I still don't get how you manage without losing your shit.

Who says I haven't lost my shit?

Good point.

Suffice to say, you have my sympathy. FTR, I'm the disabled one in my marriage, and can't fathom putting that kind of added pressure on my spouse.

Sugaree

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6488 on: July 13, 2021, 09:00:12 AM »
Today's relative who doesn't get it is my husband.  He actually tried to convince me that credit card debt was normal and that we're killing ourselves by not carrying a balance.  So, #1 I don't GAF if it's normal or not, have you seen the interest rates on those cards dearest husband?  Number 2, they are my cards and nothing gets charged unless the money to pay for it is already available.  And number 3, "we" aren't killing ourselves because I am the only one working.  If you want to buy more things then Get. A. Job.

You live with someone who won't get a job, wants to spend more money, and thinks that carrying a credit card balance is the way to do it?

Fucking hell...how do you manage that???

It's a little more nuanced than he won't get a job.  There are some health issues going on, but this is definitely not what I signed up for.  There are sacrifices that have to be made when you're in a single-income family.  We've cut nearly everything that can be cut (don't get me started on his cigarettes), we need to increase income.  A consistent $100/week would make all the difference in the world. 

He thinks we should save less, which is easy to say when you're not the one who's going to be working until noon on the day of their funeral.

Yeah, I can understand those nuances, I'm in a single income household where the major breadwinner suddenly became disabled in their 30s.

I still don't get how you manage without losing your shit.

Who says I haven't lost my shit?

Good point.

Suffice to say, you have my sympathy. FTR, I'm the disabled one in my marriage, and can't fathom putting that kind of added pressure on my spouse.

That's what drives me crazy.  I tried to explain to him just a little while ago that we're at least $100k behind where we're "supposed to be" based on the salary x 3 at age 40 metric....and he called me Darth Vader...  Needless to say, I'm not happy with him this morning.

I know it's not exactly fair.  I was always a saver, but not necessarily a super saver.  Then we had a kid and suddenly there was this little human that relied on us for everything and the responsibility of that kicked my ass.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2021, 09:02:43 AM by Sugaree »

DaMa

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6489 on: July 13, 2021, 11:43:56 AM »
I'm not sure where to put this story, but I think you'll appreciate it.

My son was saying he wanted me to look at his wife's investment she bought before they married.  (She's 31, married 4 years.)  He had spoke to the advisor at some point and asked "is it like a Roth?"  The advisor said yes.  Well, now that DS is funding a Roth for both of them, he took another look. 

DS:  It's some kind of annuity.
Me:  An annuity is almost the worst investments for young people. ...
DS:  I was afraid of that.  This guy "volunteers" to assist new teachers.  I asked him for advice last year about that cash I had and he suggested some life insurance thing.
Me:  The only investment worse than an annuity is life insurance.

DS does get it, but he is not a numbers person.  He sort of avoids learning things until he has to.  They have maxed both their 401ks and started Roths this year.

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6490 on: July 13, 2021, 11:52:10 AM »
I'd bet the guy who is "volunteering" gets a fat commission on this stuff. A lot of financial advisors really will take a look at your situation for free - of course you have to be vigilant to not buy what they're selling for it to actually be free at the end of the day.

DaMa

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6491 on: July 13, 2021, 12:05:03 PM »
Absolutely.  And he's targeting new teachers fresh out of college. 

PDXTabs

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6492 on: July 13, 2021, 12:09:35 PM »
DS does get it, but he is not a numbers person.  He sort of avoids learning things until he has to.  They have maxed both their 401ks and started Roths this year.

Well they'll win either way then.

Malcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6493 on: July 13, 2021, 12:11:59 PM »
That's what drives me crazy.  I tried to explain to him just a little while ago that we're at least $100k behind where we're "supposed to be" based on the salary x 3 at age 40 metric....and he called me Darth Vader...  Needless to say, I'm not happy with him this morning.

I know it's not exactly fair.  I was always a saver, but not necessarily a super saver.  Then we had a kid and suddenly there was this little human that relied on us for everything and the responsibility of that kicked my ass.

That's horrible. I hope your spouse finds a way to pull his head out of his ass and stop vilifying you for wanting to secure your collective future, especially since you're so dependent on one income, which puts you at such high risk because god forbid anything happens to your capacity to earn.

Suffice to say, I don't know if the sympathy of an internet stranger helps you at all, but you have PLENTY of sympathy from me.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6494 on: July 13, 2021, 12:17:29 PM »
Saw the in-laws this weekend and got to talking about retirement, investments, and Roth conversions. FIL is adamant that he can't do Roth conversions b/c he doesn't have earned income and his financial advisor told him he couldn't. I made one effort to explain the difference between a contribution and a conversion, using the example of many here who are retired and using their conversions to act as income for ACA purposes. It was clear he didn't believe me so I left it at, well, I can send you a link if you like, which MIL said yes, please do. It may be moot b/c they may not want to wait 5 years to access converted dollars at their ages ( late 70s/early 80s).

He has a bit of a history not believing me about things that I'm well-versed in, and I always wonder why. Is it that I'm younger,  female, or something else? *shrug* Oh well, whatever.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6495 on: July 13, 2021, 12:31:28 PM »
Saw the in-laws this weekend and got to talking about retirement, investments, and Roth conversions. FIL is adamant that he can't do Roth conversions b/c he doesn't have earned income and his financial advisor told him he couldn't. I made one effort to explain the difference between a contribution and a conversion, using the example of many here who are retired and using their conversions to act as income for ACA purposes. It was clear he didn't believe me so I left it at, well, I can send you a link if you like, which MIL said yes, please do. It may be moot b/c they may not want to wait 5 years to access converted dollars at their ages ( late 70s/early 80s).

He has a bit of a history not believing me about things that I'm well-versed in, and I always wonder why. Is it that I'm younger,  female, or something else? *shrug* Oh well, whatever.

At that age why do a conversion at all? There is no penalty for just taking distributions.

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6496 on: July 13, 2021, 01:09:24 PM »
Saw the in-laws this weekend and got to talking about retirement, investments, and Roth conversions. FIL is adamant that he can't do Roth conversions b/c he doesn't have earned income and his financial advisor told him he couldn't. I made one effort to explain the difference between a contribution and a conversion, using the example of many here who are retired and using their conversions to act as income for ACA purposes. It was clear he didn't believe me so I left it at, well, I can send you a link if you like, which MIL said yes, please do. It may be moot b/c they may not want to wait 5 years to access converted dollars at their ages ( late 70s/early 80s).

He has a bit of a history not believing me about things that I'm well-versed in, and I always wonder why. Is it that I'm younger,  female, or something else? *shrug* Oh well, whatever.

At that age why do a conversion at all? There is no penalty for just taking distributions.
Still can optimize to minimize taxes over remaining lifetime.  Conversions even at older ages can help make those RMDs take a smaller bite out of you down the road.

Dusty - just want to make sure - your inlaws have never had a Roth IRA? Because if they even threw $100 each into Roth IRAs way back when and never did anything else, then there's no need for a 5 year wait on converted amounts at their age. Not that it matters if FIL doesn't come around on the whole conversion <> contribution thing.

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6497 on: July 13, 2021, 01:14:04 PM »
Thought of another one beyond RMD concerns - say that you want to show a higher income for some reason, maybe to take full advantage of non-refundable tax credits such as for installing solar panels. But you also want to keep the money invested. Conversion achieves both things, and you won't pay taxes when someday withdrawing from the Roth IRA to boot.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2021, 01:16:18 PM by dandarc »

Dusty Dog Ranch

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6498 on: July 13, 2021, 02:46:28 PM »
@dandarc, yes they do have Roths. We were talking about their RMDs in their traditional accounts and how they are getting bigger as they get older...I think that's how we got on the conversion topic. Good to know that they don't have to let the conversions 'season' though, that's never been on my radar.

I did send an explainer link to MIL...we'll see if FIL acknowledges. Maybe he doesn't like to be wrong cuz he's a retired engineer? I say this in jest knowing the number of engineers on this forum!

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #6499 on: July 13, 2021, 04:22:02 PM »
@dandarc, yes they do have Roths. We were talking about their RMDs in their traditional accounts and how they are getting bigger as they get older...I think that's how we got on the conversion topic. Good to know that they don't have to let the conversions 'season' though, that's never been on my radar.

I did send an explainer link to MIL...we'll see if FIL acknowledges. Maybe he doesn't like to be wrong cuz he's a retired engineer? I say this in jest knowing the number of engineers on this forum!
The "seasoning of conversions" thing is for us folks unfortunate enough to be unable to do qualified withdrawals. For qualified withdrawals, in addition to being 59.5 or older, you need to have made your very first deposit to any Roth IRA account at least 5 years ago. Most people I'd think probably check this one off without even realizing it in plenty of time before meeting the age requirement, but not 100% a given.

And yeah, as an engineer (arguably), we're wrong all the time. Impressive amount of effort goes into engineering procedures to ensure we catch the errors and correct them before big problems result.