Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 3396042 times)

Feivel2000

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5900 on: June 23, 2020, 01:57:29 AM »
$80/week for playing golf and socializing there sounds pretty reasonable to me. It's not mustachian, of course, but it's not crazy.
Unless they add all of this to credit cards, collecting debts, I would not advise to speak to them about it.

And maybe join them for a round of golf...

Freedomin5

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5901 on: June 25, 2020, 03:24:31 AM »
I wouldnít say anything. Itís not your money. The only situation where I might say something is if they are going into massive loads of debt to participate in these activities and are expecting you to pay for them to keep their lifestyle in their old age.

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5902 on: June 25, 2020, 08:02:08 AM »
I agree with others that you should not bring it up. It is almost impossible to bring it up without being (not just sounding) condescending, because you would in fact be telling them that you know better than they what they should be doing with their money.  But I also think you should not feel bad about not bringing it up, because I think you are mistaken to think that
Now it's gotten to the point that we're doing them a disservice by not saying anything.

First of all, I don't see any "gotten to the point"--the situation is what it is, it's not like some crisis point has been reached. All we know is that they spend a lot of money on things that are lower priorities to you than saving for retirement.

Second, your not saying anything is a disservice only under a lot of questionable assumptions: that this spending is actually destructive, rather than simply different from what you choose; that you saying something will magically change their beliefs and their behaviours; that this can happen without seriously harming family relationships.

Third, your calculation of "a half-million dollars per decade in driving between golf and target" is somewhat overblown.  That $2k-3k per month includes a lot more than just golf and target, so even in the most optimistic scenario it won't go to zero. In other words, you're looking at saving them a lot less than a half-million per decade.

However, if there's more going on than you've described--say, if they fret about not having enough money--then *when they bring it up* you could respond in a neutral way, one that doesn't directly criticize them or offer unsolicited advice. For example, "That's why we quit golfing: we decided the fun of it wasn't as valuable to us as not worrying about the end of the month" rather than "If you didn't dropped $80 every week at the club you'd be in much better shape."

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5903 on: June 25, 2020, 01:24:19 PM »
...However on a spectrum of suckitude I would suggest that paying for occasional hanky-panky as needed sucks a lot less than the asynchronous financial abuse....

I'd like to add my pleas to the multitude begging you to write a book, blog, advice column - anything! Your ability to turn a phrase is both beautiful and hilarious.

Thanks! I have a few books out on Amazon. One of them was a direct result of a discussion on this forum. Please PM me for details if you're interested, because I don't feel right using the forum to advertise.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5904 on: July 01, 2020, 12:56:26 PM »
Family wants to gift us something that costs several hundred dollars. A delayed house warming gift so to speak.

We already have a good one, its just older but perfectly functional. We appreciate the generosity but we can't get over the wasted money. Wasted resources used to make something we already have.

Give money to the grandkids or to charity. Or pay down the consumer debt that we suspect they still have late in life.

Shopping for the save of shopping? No....

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5905 on: July 01, 2020, 01:59:56 PM »
Family wants to gift us something that costs several hundred dollars. A delayed house warming gift so to speak.

We already have a good one, its just older but perfectly functional. We appreciate the generosity but we can't get over the wasted money. Wasted resources used to make something we already have.

Give money to the grandkids or to charity. Or pay down the consumer debt that we suspect they still have late in life.

Shopping for the save of shopping? No....
I can totally sympathize--at our first Christmas after getting married, my mother gave DW and me a rather expensive (to us) gift. We were naive (in college) and poor (in college), and already had one of the gift (much cheaper, and more to our taste).  I foolishly consulted with my dad about how to handle the situation.  I say 'foolish' because he then consulted with my mom, who was not pleased with our feelings.

Accept the gift, then sell it and use the funds for something more valuable for you.  Or try to preempt it--"wow, that's so generous!  We're actually quite satisfied with the X we already have, but if you really want to get us a gift, we would really appreciate Y."  Or, if you can get the same message to them more circumspectly, via a mutual friend or relative, that's even better.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5906 on: July 01, 2020, 03:00:05 PM »
Yes, DW tried to preempt them over the phone but apparently the old one (that they gave us many years ago) needs replacement though we really like it. Its smaller and easy to store.

We rarely use it b/c its a special occasion household good for us. Not even something that wears out in many years if kept clean and stored right. (Okay, its a grille).

Our old one is fine. Its clean, rust free. If it breaks, we have an even smaller portable grill for camping left over from my bachelor days. We just don't grill out that often. Once in a while.

Always enjoyable when we do but it needs to be moved outside, used, then clean it and store it away.

Relatives buy one every few years, use it a few times and it sits outside. Once it gets ugly, haul it to the dump. Repeat the purchase.

Or - we could just oven roast whatever we are cooking that day or use the electric countertop grill we bought many years ago.

Oh - and they insist coming to deliver the grille in the middle of this pandemic. They are aged with health issues. High risk to say the least.

TLDR: Sigh - we don't need a big fancy grill. Don't even want one (more things!). Worry (money), worry (sickness).

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5907 on: July 01, 2020, 03:18:21 PM »
Yes, DW tried to preempt them over the phone but apparently the old one (that they gave us many years ago) needs replacement though we really like it. Its smaller and easy to store.

We rarely use it b/c its a special occasion household good for us. Not even something that wears out in many years if kept clean and stored right. (Okay, its a grille).

Our old one is fine. Its clean, rust free. If it breaks, we have an even smaller portable grill for camping left over from my bachelor days. We just don't grill out that often. Once in a while.

Always enjoyable when we do but it needs to be moved outside, used, then clean it and store it away.

Relatives buy one every few years, use it a few times and it sits outside. Once it gets ugly, haul it to the dump. Repeat the purchase.

Or - we could just oven roast whatever we are cooking that day or use the electric countertop grill we bought many years ago.

Oh - and they insist coming to deliver the grille in the middle of this pandemic. They are aged with health issues. High risk to say the least.

TLDR: Sigh - we don't need a big fancy grill. Don't even want one (more things!). Worry (money), worry (sickness).

Honestly, I'm not that nice and would just tell them that I don't want it, and if they insist on bringing it over I will be disposing of it in whatever way I see fit. My family and friends are wise and know this, so there hasn't been a problem either way.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5908 on: July 01, 2020, 04:33:50 PM »
Oh - and they insist coming to deliver the grille in the middle of this pandemic. They are aged with health issues. High risk to say the least.

TLDR: Sigh - we don't need a big fancy grill. Don't even want one (more things!). Worry (money), worry (sickness).
Well, as it so happens, our grill is rusting out (and over a decade old), so if you're looking for a place to get rid of it, and happen to be near NE Illinois.... :D

Dave1442397

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5909 on: July 01, 2020, 06:34:11 PM »
Our grill rusted out, and we decided that we didn't need a monster grill in the backyard that just sat there most of the year, so we bought this portable Coleman grill that we hooked up to a full-size propane tank. It takes up minimal space in the garage when we don't need it, and should last a lot longer than anything we would keep outside.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B010ILB4KU/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5910 on: July 01, 2020, 07:22:27 PM »
Yeah I think we have the same grill. Coleman travel grill. If we can't talk them out of spending the money and coming here (pandemic, elderly people) then maybe the new grill will get stored until our eldest can take a grill with them someday when they move out.

Dislike seeming ungrateful. The unnecessary spending and visit during a pandemic sort of wound me up today.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2020, 07:38:31 PM by Just Joe »

Siebrie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5911 on: July 02, 2020, 02:58:52 AM »
They're not giving you a gift, they're giving you a chore! Storing, cleaning, worrying, maybe returning or selling on,..... You don't have to fulfill their dreams of their ideal house; maybe have an open conversation about it?

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5912 on: July 02, 2020, 07:44:36 AM »
I have gotten to the point where I agree on the ďchoreĒ assessment. Most gifts now are irritating to me because of the work they represent. Half the time I donít want it in the house, so it is work to negotiate to get rid of it. The other half of the time it is more volume to fill up space to be cleaned and organized and picked up after when the rest of my family leaves stuff laying about. The more stuff you have, more more time and energy and stress you have in your life. A better gift for me would be to take some things out of my life permanently.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5913 on: July 03, 2020, 05:47:44 AM »
Yes, DW tried to preempt them over the phone but apparently the old one (that they gave us many years ago) needs replacement though we really like it. Its smaller and easy to store.

We rarely use it b/c its a special occasion household good for us. Not even something that wears out in many years if kept clean and stored right. (Okay, its a grille).

Our old one is fine. Its clean, rust free. If it breaks, we have an even smaller portable grill for camping left over from my bachelor days. We just don't grill out that often. Once in a while.

Always enjoyable when we do but it needs to be moved outside, used, then clean it and store it away.

Relatives buy one every few years, use it a few times and it sits outside. Once it gets ugly, haul it to the dump. Repeat the purchase.

Or - we could just oven roast whatever we are cooking that day or use the electric countertop grill we bought many years ago.

Oh - and they insist coming to deliver the grille in the middle of this pandemic. They are aged with health issues. High risk to say the least.

TLDR: Sigh - we don't need a big fancy grill. Don't even want one (more things!). Worry (money), worry (sickness).

Your family is also at risk. You could just ask them to stayvaway during the pandemic for your sake.

I think it is pretty rude to deliver a product to a person who already has one. If they still do, I would just give it away for free on GL or the like. Let them pick up outside your house, so you don't need to meet in person.

iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5914 on: July 04, 2020, 11:10:44 AM »
I have gotten to the point where I agree on the ďchoreĒ assessment. Most gifts now are irritating to me because of the work they represent. Half the time I donít want it in the house, so it is work to negotiate to get rid of it. The other half of the time it is more volume to fill up space to be cleaned and organized and picked up after when the rest of my family leaves stuff laying about. The more stuff you have, more more time and energy and stress you have in your life. A better gift for me would be to take some things out of my life permanently.

Oh yes.

Some years I ask for an ďunpresentĒ for my birthday. Getting rid of something we already have.

Usually itís something that DH refuses to get rid of but itís hideously ugly and I just want it gone. So I will ask him for final approval to take it to the dumpster. He does comply sometimes in the spirit of birthday wish.

iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5915 on: July 04, 2020, 11:14:33 AM »
All of our gas grills have been free, or nearly free, from neighbors who move. The last one we paid for a few bucks because our friend could use the money. But Iím kind of over a big gas grills it just seems to be such a chore to get DH to fire them up.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2020, 11:55:31 AM by iris lily »

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5916 on: July 04, 2020, 01:57:31 PM »
I have gotten to the point where I agree on the ďchoreĒ assessment. Most gifts now are irritating to me because of the work they represent. Half the time I donít want it in the house, so it is work to negotiate to get rid of it. The other half of the time it is more volume to fill up space to be cleaned and organized and picked up after when the rest of my family leaves stuff laying about. The more stuff you have, more more time and energy and stress you have in your life. A better gift for me would be to take some things out of my life permanently.

Oh yes.

Some years I ask for an ďunpresentĒ for my birthday. Getting rid of something we already have.

Usually itís something that DH refuses to get rid of but itís hideously ugly and I just want it gone. So I will ask him for final approval to take it to the dumpster. He does comply sometimes in the spirit of birthday wish.
Oh my, that is brilliant. Iíll have to remember it.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5917 on: July 06, 2020, 07:25:18 AM »
The visit was nice. Its easy to see all the ways most of our relatives have just wished away the pandemic. They are tired of distancing so it is over - right? They listen to Trump more than someone like Fauci. Relatives walked into our house and immediately hugged each of us. -eye roll-

Guess we should have grown a backbone and gotten ugly about it - that is what it would take. Didn't want to go there. So good to see them but I worry far more about them than us. We're exposed to the general public at our jobs.

This sounds so harsh but it would serve our country well for Trump and Pence to become gravely ill with COVID just so their supporters could get a dose of reality.

Re: gifts. There were a number of gifts this weekend. All nice. Just wish relatives would have saved their money. Or donated it. Or gave it to one of the many grandchildren who squeak by.

On top of that - the coworker I spend the most time with b/c work reports their family spent the 4th of July weekend in a popular vacation spot. WFH is no longer an option for now for me. Meanwhile the COVID numbers go up and up.
« Last Edit: July 06, 2020, 07:34:38 AM by Just Joe »

Kris

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5918 on: July 06, 2020, 08:00:21 AM »
The visit was nice. Its easy to see all the ways most of our relatives have just wished away the pandemic. They are tired of distancing so it is over - right? They listen to Trump more than someone like Fauci. Relatives walked into our house and immediately hugged each of us. -eye roll-

Guess we should have grown a backbone and gotten ugly about it - that is what it would take. Didn't want to go there. So good to see them but I worry far more about them than us. We're exposed to the general public at our jobs.

This sounds so harsh but it would serve our country well for Trump and Pence to become gravely ill with COVID just so their supporters could get a dose of reality.

Re: gifts. There were a number of gifts this weekend. All nice. Just wish relatives would have saved their money. Or donated it. Or gave it to one of the many grandchildren who squeak by.

On top of that - the coworker I spend the most time with b/c work reports their family spent the 4th of July weekend in a popular vacation spot. WFH is no longer an option for now for me. Meanwhile the COVID numbers go up and up.

If Trump and Pence both got Covid, the right would immediately start floating a conspiracy that Pelosi injected them with it. And the hoax conspiracy would only get stronger. :eye roll:

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5919 on: July 06, 2020, 05:36:08 PM »
If Trump and Pence both got Covid, the right would immediately start floating a conspiracy that Pelosi injected them with it. And the hoax conspiracy would only get stronger. :eye roll:

And then, if they recovered, they would probably say it was just a little flu while creating a witch hunt for the dangerous leftist who intentionally infected them.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5920 on: July 07, 2020, 09:15:59 AM »
Probably right Taran and Kris.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5921 on: July 10, 2020, 07:04:09 PM »
Our house needs painting this summer, so our lack of travel (or anything really) has given me a great opportunity to get the job done. For about $1,000, I bought the paint, tape, pads, and rollers I need, along with a new extension ladder that I need for the high parts and has been on my want list for several years. Iím doing the work and building better deltoids.

DWís sister and her family need to paint their house, too. Itís a similar size, but they are having it professionally painted. I donít know their cost, but 10x ours is a good ballpark bet. I just canít fathom spending that much money on a quick spray job when I can get a better quality result for a fraction of their cost.

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5922 on: July 11, 2020, 12:20:14 PM »
We did our house ourselves 6 years ago even though my husband was almost 60.  We used a sprayer. We got some estimates that were ridiculous.

DadJokes

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5923 on: July 11, 2020, 03:07:47 PM »
On the phone with my 55 y.o. father yesterday:

Him: I got a new truck! Well, new-to-me truck. It's a 2015 Sierra
Me: I'm glad you went down the used route. What was wrong with your old vehicle?
Him: It started having some mechanical issues, so I decided to get a new one rather than deal with the hassle.
Me: ...
Him: We just paid off my wife's car in November, so all we did was trade a payment for a payment.
Me: O...kay? How long is the loan?
Him: 72 months. Our only debts now are the truck, the mortgage, and a home improvement loan (rolled into mortgage).
Me: I guess that's not too bad.
Him: Oh, and the 401(k) loan I took out to pay off the credit cards last year, but that's almost paid off.

Follow up!

Him: Did I tell you I got a new motorcycle?
Me: No...Didn't you just get a truck a couple weeks ago?
My wife overhearing: Be nice
Him: Yeah
Me: And aren't you also planning to get an RV?
Him: We're not getting the RV anytime soon. That's more of a retirement plan.
Me: And when is that going to be?
Him: Well, one of my co-workers is still working at 69, and I think I'll have him beat.


That means my father, who is a truck driver for an oil company, plans to be working for another 14 years at a minimum. As such, I should in fact retire before my own father. He went on to say that he makes about $115k per year, which is more than our household income, and he lives in an extremely low cost of living area.

During our weekly phone call last night, I learned that he expects to be reduced to a 40 hour limit, which would effectively reduce his pay by half. He's already looking into getting a deferment on his truck loan.

The saga continues!

As previously mentioned, my father got a new motorcycle sometime around January/February. He had a motorcycle previously that hadn't run in years (2005 touring bike with ~100k miles). He decided to give the old bike to my step-sister's fiance (we'll just call him Jon). Jon was supposed to get the bike fixed, get a motorcycle license, get the bike registered in his name, and get the bike insured.

Instead, Jon got the bike fixed and was riding the bike without a license, uninsured, and with expired registration still in my father's name. Jon is a pilot, so you'd think that he has some common sense, but apparently that's not the case. While taking a curve too fast, he drifted out of his lane and hit a pickup.

Jon miraculously didn't die, though he has a handful of broken bones and a lot of road rash. However, now we have to wonder how this is all going to play out financially. The pickup will probably be written off as totaled, and I'm sure this could come back on my father, as the bike was still legally his property. Jon can probably afford to pay for the pickup with his income, but who knows what else is going to come of this?

I don't know why, but it just seems that people who make bad decisions with money have more bad things happen to them. This is just one of those things. It's certainly more Jon's fault than my father's, but my father has already put himself in a hole from previous mistakes.

My father is the story that just keeps giving.

He rode his motorcycle halfway across the country to see us for a couple days, so I got to spend some time talking...well, listening. I try to bite my tongue to keep the wife happy.

I was under the impression that the RV (see bold above) was supposed to be part of his eventual retirement plan. Now he is planning on getting it next year. In fact, it's actually the reason he got his truck, apparently. So that'll be a truck, motorcycle, and RV all within a couple years.

But wait, there's more!

He's also planning on expanding his front porch, despite the facts that: 1) he already has a back porch, and 2) the wind in West Texas makes being in front of the house unpleasant fairly often, while the back porch is shielded from wind by the house. His reasoning? On the back porch, their view is just the fence. If they had a porch in front of the house, they would have a view of...fields, which are dirt most of the year anyway.

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5924 on: July 11, 2020, 04:00:39 PM »
Can he even qualify for an RV purchase?

I donít know how you hold your tongue.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5925 on: July 11, 2020, 04:09:37 PM »
We did our house ourselves 6 years ago even though my husband was almost 60.  We used a sprayer. We got some estimates that were ridiculous.

I'm so glad we have UPVC windows! I don't hate DIY but I can't see myself balancing on my ladder painting them. Only our front and back doors are wood and we had those painted by a professional. He was very fast and very good, the previous owner let the door rot for a long time so there was a lot of repairwork involved. I could never have done it this well.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5926 on: July 12, 2020, 01:02:28 AM »
We did our house ourselves 6 years ago even though my husband was almost 60.  We used a sprayer. We got some estimates that were ridiculous.

I'm so glad we have UPVC windows! I don't hate DIY but I can't see myself balancing on my ladder painting them. Only our front and back doors are wood and we had those painted by a professional. He was very fast and very good, the previous owner let the door rot for a long time so there was a lot of repairwork involved. I could never have done it this well.

I think in America a lot of houses are made of wood, so they are talking about painting their entire exterior.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5927 on: July 12, 2020, 02:06:58 AM »
We did our house ourselves 6 years ago even though my husband was almost 60.  We used a sprayer. We got some estimates that were ridiculous.

I'm so glad we have UPVC windows! I don't hate DIY but I can't see myself balancing on my ladder painting them. Only our front and back doors are wood and we had those painted by a professional. He was very fast and very good, the previous owner let the door rot for a long time so there was a lot of repairwork involved. I could never have done it this well.

I think in America a lot of houses are made of wood, so they are talking about painting their entire exterior.

Oops, yes, I forgot, I'm so used to brick homes. In that case $10k wouldn't even be that much. I know my neighbours were quoted like Ä3k just for their wooden windows and doors and our house is tiny!

A wooden exterior will probably look really nice but it sounds like a maintenance nightmare! I certainly can't imagine DIY'ing that! But if you're healthy and fit and into DIY, it certainly is a great way to save money. Even if it takes you twice as long because you're not a pro, saving ≈9k is worth a lot.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5928 on: July 12, 2020, 07:06:15 AM »
We did our house ourselves 6 years ago even though my husband was almost 60.  We used a sprayer. We got some estimates that were ridiculous.

I'm so glad we have UPVC windows! I don't hate DIY but I can't see myself balancing on my ladder painting them. Only our front and back doors are wood and we had those painted by a professional. He was very fast and very good, the previous owner let the door rot for a long time so there was a lot of repairwork involved. I could never have done it this well.

I think in America a lot of houses are made of wood, so they are talking about painting their entire exterior.

Oops, yes, I forgot, I'm so used to brick homes. In that case $10k wouldn't even be that much. I know my neighbours were quoted like Ä3k just for their wooden windows and doors and our house is tiny!

A wooden exterior will probably look really nice but it sounds like a maintenance nightmare! I certainly can't imagine DIY'ing that! But if you're healthy and fit and into DIY, it certainly is a great way to save money. Even if it takes you twice as long because you're not a pro, saving ≈9k is worth a lot.
FWIW, I think most new homes are built with vinyl siding nowadays.  Wood siding is considerably more expensive both to install and maintain, but will last forever if you keep the paint up.

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5929 on: July 12, 2020, 08:47:27 AM »
We did our house ourselves 6 years ago even though my husband was almost 60.  We used a sprayer. We got some estimates that were ridiculous.

Yeah, you can buy a pretty good (home) airless sprayer for ~$200, and get one of the extension wands for it for another $50 to give you a lot more reach.

SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5930 on: July 12, 2020, 09:49:44 AM »
Painting the exterior of a house isn't that big a deal as long as it's not got really high walls. (I don't like being up on really tall ladders.)

I painted the exterior of one of our rentals a year and a half ago.  Did it in nice weather.   I used a brush and roller rather than a sprayer.   I just didn't feel like futzing with having to tape everything over with plastic sheeting and worry about the wind.  Plus it was kind of Zen.   Overall, it was a very pleasant time.

I wouldn't recommend doing it when it's blistering hot or humid outside.   Then it wouldn't be fun at all.

Plina

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5931 on: July 12, 2020, 01:00:45 PM »
My father changed the wood siding on their house a couple of years ago and painted the house and the rest of the buildings with some help. I have helped with some of the painting. I like painting as you see the results of your work in the end of the day. Today, he told me that he has some more painting for me, when I get there for my vacation and some other firewood work. I actually like mixing it with vacationing.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5932 on: July 12, 2020, 01:14:53 PM »
Painting is certainly fulfilling vs. pushing paper (or electrons) at work.  Gives time for podcasts, and this year for the Hamilton soundtrack before the movie release.  Our house is all composite exterior, so no wood to rot on the house, but some soffits in center and a deck with wooden structure.  The original paint job as faded a lot since the house was built, and the spray job was pretty thin in places.  We'll be good for a long while after this.  It's a big house, though, with two very high walls, 2 body colors, 2 trim colors, and 2 exposed wood stain colors, so it's a big job.  I've painted several other houses (mine and extra jobs in college long ago), but this is the most complicated of them.  Still worth the big savings, though.

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5933 on: July 12, 2020, 03:50:08 PM »
We painted the exterior of the family house together when I was a teenager. Two-story, stucco exterior. The high parts looked really scary to me and I didnít touch them. They had to rent scaffolding for it. Otherwise it was pretty easy but took quite a while because it was a big house and we were just doing it when we could on the weekends. I can distinctly remember being on the roof of the lower story painting the walls around the upper story bedrooms. Fun times.

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5934 on: July 12, 2020, 04:48:51 PM »
Painting the exterior of a house isn't that big a deal as long as it's not got really high walls. (I don't like being up on really tall ladders.)

I painted the exterior of one of our rentals a year and a half ago.  Did it in nice weather.   I used a brush and roller rather than a sprayer.   I just didn't feel like futzing with having to tape everything over with plastic sheeting and worry about the wind.  Plus it was kind of Zen.   Overall, it was a very pleasant time.

I wouldn't recommend doing it when it's blistering hot or humid outside.   Then it wouldn't be fun at all.

If you're painting with a roller and doing more than a patch job - always use an adjustable extension pole. They're cheap enough and make the job faster, more pleasant and more ergonomic (since you are using 2 arms instead of one.) I've got two: One which extends to 3 feet (perfect for indoors/single story) - and one which extends to 8 feet. Yes, spring for the adjustable instead of the bottom-end wooden pole. It matters.

Apparently you can get them up to 23 feet long at local Big Box Home Improvement Store, but I've never gone beyond 8.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2020, 04:52:28 PM by TomTX »

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5935 on: July 12, 2020, 04:51:21 PM »
We painted the exterior of the family house together when I was a teenager. Two-story, stucco exterior. The high parts looked really scary to me and I didnít touch them. They had to rent scaffolding for it. Otherwise it was pretty easy but took quite a while because it was a big house and we were just doing it when we could on the weekends. I can distinctly remember being on the roof of the lower story painting the walls around the upper story bedrooms. Fun times.

I painted the exterior of a 2-story house and didn't use scaffolding. 6 foot stepladder (8 would have been better) - plus an 8 foot extension pole.

Protip: Leave the paint tray on the ground while you're up on the ladder - you just need to swing the extension pole/roller down to reload.

PMG

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5936 on: July 12, 2020, 05:43:18 PM »
They make a clip that holds a brush on an extension pole. With a little practice you can get reasonably accurate for long distance cutting in and color changes.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5937 on: July 12, 2020, 06:45:20 PM »
They make a clip that holds a brush on an extension pole. With a little practice you can get reasonably accurate for long distance cutting in and color changes.

We always used duct tape!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5938 on: July 12, 2020, 10:51:00 PM »
DH is getting ready to paint our house. He's a painting contractor, so he has all the tools. We've also had the paint in the garage for two years, ahem.

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5939 on: July 12, 2020, 11:09:30 PM »
We painted the exterior of the family house together when I was a teenager. Two-story, stucco exterior. The high parts looked really scary to me and I didnít touch them. They had to rent scaffolding for it. Otherwise it was pretty easy but took quite a while because it was a big house and we were just doing it when we could on the weekends. I can distinctly remember being on the roof of the lower story painting the walls around the upper story bedrooms. Fun times.

I painted the exterior of a 2-story house and didn't use scaffolding. 6 foot stepladder (8 would have been better) - plus an 8 foot extension pole.

Protip: Leave the paint tray on the ground while you're up on the ladder - you just need to swing the extension pole/roller down to reload.
I can see that working for the walls but not the underside of the eaves or the trim on the outside.

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5940 on: July 13, 2020, 07:50:56 AM »
We painted the exterior of the family house together when I was a teenager. Two-story, stucco exterior. The high parts looked really scary to me and I didnít touch them. They had to rent scaffolding for it. Otherwise it was pretty easy but took quite a while because it was a big house and we were just doing it when we could on the weekends. I can distinctly remember being on the roof of the lower story painting the walls around the upper story bedrooms. Fun times.

I painted the exterior of a 2-story house and didn't use scaffolding. 6 foot stepladder (8 would have been better) - plus an 8 foot extension pole.

Protip: Leave the paint tray on the ground while you're up on the ladder - you just need to swing the extension pole/roller down to reload.
I can see that working for the walls but not the underside of the eaves or the trim on the outside.

I guess it depends on the trim. On that house the trim was just some 1x4, so it was easy enough to come back and do the trim with a half-width roller.  I didn't really "cut in" at the trim - I painted all of the main wall color, let some slop over onto the trim to make sure the transition was covered and then painted the trim in the trim color, covering up the main color slop. Worked fine.

 I don't recall any issues under the eaves - those just got painted with the main color.

Plina

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5941 on: July 13, 2020, 08:31:49 AM »
We painted the exterior of the family house together when I was a teenager. Two-story, stucco exterior. The high parts looked really scary to me and I didnít touch them. They had to rent scaffolding for it. Otherwise it was pretty easy but took quite a while because it was a big house and we were just doing it when we could on the weekends. I can distinctly remember being on the roof of the lower story painting the walls around the upper story bedrooms. Fun times.

I painted the exterior of a 2-story house and didn't use scaffolding. 6 foot stepladder (8 would have been better) - plus an 8 foot extension pole.

Protip: Leave the paint tray on the ground while you're up on the ladder - you just need to swing the extension pole/roller down to reload.
I can see that working for the walls but not the underside of the eaves or the trim on the outside.

I guess it depends on the trim. On that house the trim was just some 1x4, so it was easy enough to come back and do the trim with a half-width roller.  I didn't really "cut in" at the trim - I painted all of the main wall color, let some slop over onto the trim to make sure the transition was covered and then painted the trim in the trim color, covering up the main color slop. Worked fine.

 I don't recall any issues under the eaves - those just got painted with the main color.

A small paintbrush works pretty well for that. You might get a blop somewhere but that can be fixed afterwards. We actually used big paintbrushes to paint as rollers would not have worked due to how the woodplanks were set.

SunnyDays

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5942 on: July 13, 2020, 01:17:16 PM »
I had my whole house painted on the exterior last year (cedar siding, which I won't replace just for ease of maintenance.  HATE vinyl siding!)  I used college students, and they did a very good job for $1400.00 Cdn.  It would have taken me years to do what they did in a week, with all the scraping and sanding.  However, by the end, I think they realized it had been a bigger job than they's planned.  I actually enjoy painting, but don't have the arm stamina for it.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5943 on: July 14, 2020, 08:42:46 AM »
Neighbor said he received a quote to re-stain their house for $6K. Doesn't want to do the high climbing required and I agree.

I'd like to tear the vinyl siding off of our house and put back wood or concrete siding despite the higher maintenance BUT one end of the house is three stories. I'm not climbing ladders that tall. If anything I'd rent a cherry picker or buy a set of scaffolding and store it in our barn.

My problem with vinyl siding is to me - it isn't as weather tight as wood siding has the potential of being. We get several driving rains a year and I worry about all that rain getting under the plastic siding and going who knows where. We noticed water marks on the wall below a light switch recently so something is leaking. A new roof before the end of summer is a must. The existing roof is not old but it was not well installed.

All this happened before we bought the house. The home inspector seemed to overlook the water spots in the attic over the front porch (above the wall with the wet light switch). If I can see that (after we purchased the house) why couldn't he? ;)
« Last Edit: July 14, 2020, 08:46:57 AM by Just Joe »

SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5944 on: July 14, 2020, 10:00:43 AM »
I'd like to tear the vinyl siding off of our house and put back wood or concrete siding despite the higher maintenance BUT one end of the house is three stories. I'm not climbing ladders that tall. If anything I'd rent a cherry picker or buy a set of scaffolding and store it in our barn.

I like the hardy-board planks because they don't rot.   Really easy to install and work with if you use the gecko clamps to hold the planks in the right spot.
We put them on part of the outside of one of our rentals.  They went up REALLY fast until I had to start climbing up the ladder.   So easy to do a good job with that people driving thru the neighborhood would stop and try to hire me to do their house.    If I didn't have a day job I could have effectively gotten that siding on my house for free. :)

If you don't want to do the work 3 stories up, consider doing all the work up to the height you feel comfortable at and hire the rest.


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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5945 on: July 15, 2020, 05:48:48 AM »
I'd like to tear the vinyl siding off of our house and put back wood or concrete siding despite the higher maintenance BUT one end of the house is three stories. I'm not climbing ladders that tall. If anything I'd rent a cherry picker or buy a set of scaffolding and store it in our barn.

I like the hardy-board planks because they don't rot.   Really easy to install and work with if you use the gecko clamps to hold the planks in the right spot.
We put them on part of the outside of one of our rentals.  They went up REALLY fast until I had to start climbing up the ladder.   So easy to do a good job with that people driving thru the neighborhood would stop and try to hire me to do their house.    If I didn't have a day job I could have effectively gotten that siding on my house for free. :)

If you don't want to do the work 3 stories up, consider doing all the work up to the height you feel comfortable at and hire the rest.

Unfortunately Cement Fibre planks and sheets do rot since they replaced the asbestos fibre with wood fibre, so make sure they get a good coat of paint!

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5946 on: July 15, 2020, 10:29:00 AM »
Good to know!  My house is fiber cement (Hardiplank) on most of the exterior, and the corner trim is L-shaped plastic (no joints).  While we are several miles from the beach, our builder has built several dozen houses right on the beach with 100+ mph wind exposure, so we don't even hear wind until it's blowing 45+ mph, and every nail, screw, bolt, and piece of sheet metal on the exterior of the house is stainless steel.  With the new coat of paint, it will be weather-proof for quite a while.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5947 on: July 15, 2020, 01:49:49 PM »
If for some reason I absolutely had to get rid of my wood siding, I'd go with stucco instead.  It comes pre-tinted, so don't even have to paint it.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5948 on: July 15, 2020, 02:38:21 PM »
If for some reason I absolutely had to get rid of my wood siding, I'd go with stucco instead.  It comes pre-tinted, so don't even have to paint it.

The more recent stucco is glorified papier-m‚chť over chicken wire. Nearly impossible to maintain especially on walls or parapets. Don't do it. Brick, for example, would be a far better choice.

merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5949 on: July 15, 2020, 03:00:34 PM »
If for some reason I absolutely had to get rid of my wood siding, I'd go with stucco instead.  It comes pre-tinted, so don't even have to paint it.

The more recent stucco is glorified papier-m‚chť over chicken wire. Nearly impossible to maintain especially on walls or parapets. Don't do it. Brick, for example, would be a far better choice.

Agree. This is "synthetic stucco" and is a major category of construction defects. Basically if it's not done perfectly, you're asking for mold.