Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1348977 times)

Purple Economist

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4500 on: February 20, 2018, 08:53:30 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Why do they need to be the ones paying the $20 a month?

MrMoogle

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4501 on: February 21, 2018, 07:48:20 AM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Why do they need to be the ones paying the $20 a month?
My friend's family does this.  He, his wife, his brother, his sister and his BIL were all on his parents' plan, last time we talked about it.  They each pay the parents some of the bill, and evidently they are saving a ton of money doing it this way. 

craiglepaige

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4502 on: February 21, 2018, 07:54:39 AM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month-to-month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

But why would your parents be responsible for your bill? WTF?
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merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4503 on: February 21, 2018, 08:55:38 AM »
I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

I'm on my parents' plan. I've paid for any "extras" I used since I originally got a phone and have been responsible for the "full" cost since graduating from college.

"Full cost" being $30/month for unlimited talk/text and 1GB of data, which is based on the cost of the line and the cost of the shared data divided by use per person. If I were to drop from the plan, my parents wouldn't be able to drop the shared data by just 1GB, so they'd be paying more without me there. From my end, based on my use I'd pay less with Ting or something, but without the perk of, if I do go over, it's not an issue unless everyone in the family goes over. From that perspective, I'm subsidizing my parents' phone bill on average.

Mezzie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4504 on: February 21, 2018, 08:59:57 AM »
I don't know if they still pay for them, but at one point my little brother and sister, who had gone in together on a cell phone plan to save money, added my parents so they could have smart phones with data (they gave my parents phones as well). Adding the two extra lines under a family plan was a negligible cost for my siblings; getting two lines on their own was prohibitively expensive for my parents.

I thought that was nice of them. :) If it were my parents paying for my siblings' phone plans, I would think it weird.

My parents are retired now (thank goodness for my dad's defined benefit pension!), and they deserve some spoiling from us. Keeping the four of us kids fed and clothed was hard work, and they made a lot of sacrifices for that to happen. I would be appalled if any one of us asked them for financial help in even the smallest way unless it were a dire emergency (and in such a situation, we would all pitch in).

I realize not all family dynamics are the same.

ETA: I'd like to add my parents to my husband's and my Apple Music plan since four people cost the same as two. I keep forgetting to ask them if they're interested. At one point we added my bro and SIL, but they bought things on iTunes pretty frequently and decided it was too inconvenient to pay me back for anything on iTunes they bought (to share, all people on the plan link their iTunes to one credit card). I figured it could have just been added to the rent check they give us each month, but I wasn't going to push or anything.
« Last Edit: February 21, 2018, 09:06:18 AM by Mezzie »
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Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4505 on: February 21, 2018, 12:43:06 PM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around Ä8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).

Gronnie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4506 on: February 21, 2018, 01:26:02 PM »
As everyone has iterated, a family plan for X lines is MUCH cheaper in the US than buying those lines individually. So you go in together on a family plan and then each person pays their share of the bill. Everyone wins (as long as everyone pays that is!)

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4507 on: February 21, 2018, 01:26:50 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I think it's fairly common, yes.

I'm a dinosaur (late 40s) and thus, have only had a cell phone for about 10 years.  So obviously, not on my parents' plan.

But many of my younger coworkers (aged <30) are on their parents' plans, because they got a phone in HS, and kept it in college, and kept it after, and...?  I think it's just different when it's something you've always had.  One of my coworkers once said "my brother took my upgrade", and she was 25, and I thought it was weird.  But you can be on your parents' health insurance until 26 now.  My sister helps out her (under employed) children.

I also have older coworkers with children in their 20's and they are all on the same plans because there are good deals.  But it depends - some of them have their kids paying them for it.

I would think that when you get a job and a car and start paying your own car insurance, that you would take on your own cell phone bill - but remember, cell phones move WITH you, so it's not like you move from Philadelphia to Denver and change your number.

MrMoogle

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4508 on: February 21, 2018, 02:23:25 PM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around Ä8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.
AT&T has a 1GB/unlimited calls and texts for $35/month.

coldestcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4509 on: February 21, 2018, 02:46:30 PM »
I was on my parents plan until maybe 22 or so. Then paid for my own bill for a while. At some point my mom said she was paying for my sister's account so she wanted to pay for mine as well to be fair. I let her do that until a little before I got married.

My wife and I went over their bill and with info from this site we moved away from ATTs $250/mo to cricket $100/mo family plan where me, wife, mom, & Step dad pay $25 each. Then we found out you can add a fifth line for free. We added my FIL and instead of giving him a free line, everyone pays $20 instead/mo. I have the money come out of my account and everyone pays me monthly.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4510 on: February 21, 2018, 03:56:16 PM »
My wife and I stayed on our parents plans until well over a year after we were married. It made literally no difference for my wife's parents if she got off, and for me it was something like $5 a month difference. I tried to give them $100 a year for it, they said don't bother.

We got off the parental plans after we needed new phones, since it was cheaper that way. Cell phones and their plans make my blood pressure rise.

ChipmunkSavings

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4511 on: February 21, 2018, 06:20:09 PM »
I kept my cell phone on my parents' plan for years, because I had a cheap plan that was no longer offered as I had kept the same cell phone for 6 years. My grandfathered 15$ a month no-frills plan is no longer available, and the cheapest plans start at 35$ a month for the same company. I eventually switched when I moved out, as I needed a answering machine (which did not come in my initial plan).

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4512 on: February 21, 2018, 06:30:46 PM »
I'm on the family plan. It also includes my sister, mom, and dad. Sister manages it. Not sure how she got stuck with that job, but glad it's not me. I send money monthly to her for my portion, and a little extra since she's subsidizing the parents. The plan as a whole gets a massive discount through dad's work, and also a reimbursement to cover the cost of him using his phone for work.

I've looked into separating, and it's just not worth it. My sister handles the bill, that's valuable to me.

Dicey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4513 on: February 21, 2018, 07:49:56 PM »
Our family of four three competent adults was paying $100/month total for a very generous plan. We discovered we could add another user for $1 more a month, plus the cost of an Android phone. A friend on the other coast is having a rough go of it these days, so we added her, bought a phone and had it shipped to her. Felt good then; still does.
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SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4514 on: February 21, 2018, 09:49:37 PM »
Our family of four three competent adults was paying $100/month total for a very generous plan. We discovered we could add another user for $1 more a month, plus the cost of an Android phone. A friend on the other coast is having a rough go of it these days, so we added her, bought a phone and had it shipped to her. Felt good then; still does.

Yeah, you!

Apples

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4515 on: February 22, 2018, 06:52:30 AM »
Guys can we please go back to relatives who don't get it now...

MrRichards

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4516 on: February 22, 2018, 07:54:13 AM »
I've got one. It's horrific from the inside but probably entertaining from the outside.

Cast of characters:
Brother (deceased)
SIL (widow)
Nephew/Nieces (children of Brother)
Mother (mine and Brother's)

Brother died suddenly a few weeks ago. We knew he was in poor health, but he had a massive heart attack that came out of nowhere. SIL is in shock; they'd been married 40 years.

Brother's children are, understandably, hurting, so I'd be inclined to forgive any minor slights. However:
-Nephew/Nieces are already going through SIL's house to clean out Brother's things. I don't know if SIL asked them to do this, but my guess is not. Nephew seems to be angling to move his family in with SIL, because they are currently living for free with his MIL but would probably prefer to live with his mother. This seems like a lot to put on SIL so soon, but she's never been able to say no to her children, so this might be her own doing. (Also, it's somewhat of a tradition in our family to offer small household items to the extended family after death. There are some small things I've given my brother over the years that it would mean the world to me to have back, but that are probably going to Goodwill.)

-Nephew and nieces collaborated on the obituary; no one else was asked. No one outside of SIL, nephew/nieces and their spouses and children were listed as survivors, despite me AND OUR MOTHER both still living. Look, I know it sucks to lose your dad, I was younger than them when I lost mine. It's worse to lose a child.

-Our dad died forever ago. The obit misspelled his name.

-One version of the obit specifically referenced my niece's MLM scam, in an attempt to drum up business?

-"In lieu of flowers, please send memorials to the family." Memorials in this case being a euphemism for cash. SIL is not hurting for cash, and this isn't something where there are large medical bills. Her children may be hurting for cash but if so it's from their own poor behavior.

My mother is LIVID. "I'm not giving them a dime, they're just going to spend it on something stupid."

craiglepaige

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4517 on: February 22, 2018, 08:28:44 AM »
How did the niece include the MLM scam into the obituary? I'm extremely curious.
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MrRichards

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4518 on: February 22, 2018, 08:39:39 AM »
In a version of the obit that was shared via social media (not the newspaper version), it mentions how Brother enjoyed the MLM product and how MLM product is helping SIL with her grief.

sherr

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4519 on: February 22, 2018, 10:11:39 AM »
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.

FYI (or a PSA?) I'm using US Mobile for the same for $9/month (GSM LTE network). They also let you specify exactly how much you want of any of it, so you can customize to your needs. Only downside I've seen so far is that they're a little slow notifying your phone if you have a voicemail (sometimes takes a couple hours).

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4520 on: February 22, 2018, 10:25:21 AM »
wow that's awful MrRichards.

The "name missing in the obit" could be forgiven if not for all the other stuff.

Roe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4521 on: February 22, 2018, 10:41:23 AM »
In a version of the obit that was shared via social media (not the newspaper version), it mentions how Brother enjoyed the MLM product and how MLM product is helping SIL with her grief.

Wow, that was really to far and a yard.


Im sorry you lost your brother.
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Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4522 on: February 22, 2018, 11:18:00 AM »

Also, it's somewhat of a tradition in our family to offer small household items to the extended family after death. There are some small things I've given my brother over the years that it would mean the world to me to have back, but that are probably going to Goodwill.)

-"In lieu of flowers, please send memorials to the family." Memorials in this case being a euphemism for cash. SIL is not hurting for cash, and this isn't something where there are large medical bills. Her children may be hurting for cash but if so it's from their own poor behavior.

My mother is LIVID. "I'm not giving them a dime, they're just going to spend it on something stupid."

I'm so sorry for your loss, and so very sorry for your poor mother as well. To lose your son is bad enough without being treated like that by her surviving family. And to even think about asking for cash in a situation like that ... these people have no shame.

To comment specifically on the section I quoted above. If you are still in touch with them and you know they're clearing his stuff and sending stuff to Goodwill, I think it's not unreasonable at all to call one of them and say "Hey, I heard you are clearing out Brother's stuff. Remember that vase I gave to him 15 years ago? If you're getting rid of that, it would mean so much to me if I could have it back, as a special keepsake to remind me of my brother".

middleclasswhitetrash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4523 on: February 23, 2018, 10:22:43 AM »
My sister and brother-in-law have began to slide fast into an abyss I am afraid. It has already caused tension within my family.

My sister has a public state institution job and her husband worked in corrections. They currently have two children less than eight.  Some months ago he got tired of working this job so he took a manual labor job for less money I am sure. This was right after they purchased a new to them van for the family, but nothing super fancy. Few months later decide to buy husband a new to them truck for his manly new job. They apparently borrowed some money from my father to help purchase this vehicle.

Couple months later they decide they want to start camping on a regular basis and look into buying a fairly new camper. They again ask to borrow money from my father to help with a down payment because the bank of dad was apparently now open for business. Thank god he said no this time but it was not without issues. Because of this, over the last few months he has only been able to see two of his grandchildren very sparingly and only when he just forces the issue. It's really sad how things like this can come between family but at least you can find out some folks true colors.

Now move forward a few more months and these new debts only to find out the husband and wife decided it was time to have another child since they were wanting a specific gender previously. Luckily, they did just find out it was the gender they had hoped for. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Splashncash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4524 on: February 23, 2018, 02:35:01 PM »
Lord help me....  SIL has posted a gofundme page.

For her daughter to attend national ballet summer academy, so prestigous, but man.  gofundme?!  While not cutting any personal expenses and not even approaching anyone in person first for assistance?  I must be old, but this is so... !! ....

Don't know how I will hold my tongue, I think I may end up posting here a lot.

Great, but wait until I get the popcorn passed out, 'k?

Freedomin5

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4525 on: February 24, 2018, 06:54:53 AM »
Talking about our plans for early retirement with an older family member a few days ago. This person is financially savvy, having retired at around age 50, but was a bit critical about my plan to retire before age 40.

They started telling a horror story of a friend who retired right before the 2008 crash and how sad it was for him. I mean, he even had to sell his penthouse suite!

I was like, first of all, why didnít he have a cash buffer? Iím no expert but most retirement sites recommend a 2-3 year cash buffer to cover expenses in case of a crash so you donít have to tap into your retirement fund. Second of all, why did he buy a penthouse immediately before retiring?

Poptarte

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4526 on: March 01, 2018, 02:00:10 PM »
My cousin lives with us. We offered to rent him a room to get away from his over bearing parents so he can get back up on his feet and make a plan without his parents shitting on every idea he has. We are also a one income family while my husband is in school, so an extra bit of rent a month is an appealing thing. Well, he talked a good game but we are slowly learning why his parents may have been so frustrated.

He hasn't paid his very reasonable $300 rent on time once since he has moved in. he makes $16 and hour and works nearly every day (he says) so the money should be there. He was 20 days late paying us February rent, and came home the next day in brand new $135 boots. He doesn't need new boots, he has three pairs already.

He came home stressed over part of a dental bill that went to collections for $800. He wasn't sure how he was going to pay it, and was trying to hint at us waiving his rent so he could throw it at his debts. He then proceeded to spend the next THREE days out with his friends partying and getting shit-faced and blacked out drunk.

Despite us telling him he can help himself to the fridge and share dinner with us - we like variety and cooking for 2 can be hard sometimes - he still opts to come home with a new and exciting sixer of beer almost everyday and buys food for the week that he then lets go bad because he eats out at work most days.

He got a full time job at the hospital three miles from my house - I work there and often bike - he proceeded to quit that job, and now commutes in a truck he can't afford to a hospital 45-60 mins away. My husband is a mechanic and offered to help him find and pick out a decent commuter car before he moved in with us, which my cousin insisted he wanted the help, and then bought the truck without any input from us anyways.  This truck is kind of a lemon, and my husband graciously spends his free time patching it up to keep it on the road.

He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring" or "not the hours he wanted to work". He makes so many bad money decisions, and we cannot talk any sense into him, despite him wanting to move in with us specifically so we could help him get on his feet. His parents have already said he can't move back in, and we don't want to throw family out into the street, but we are starting to consider it.

And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

ketchup

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4527 on: March 01, 2018, 02:04:02 PM »
My cousin lives with us. We offered to rent him a room to get away from his over bearing parents so he can get back up on his feet and make a plan without his parents shitting on every idea he has. We are also a one income family while my husband is in school, so an extra bit of rent a month is an appealing thing. Well, he talked a good game but we are slowly learning why his parents may have been so frustrated.

He hasn't paid his very reasonable $300 rent on time once since he has moved in. he makes $16 and hour and works nearly every day (he says) so the money should be there. He was 20 days late paying us February rent, and came home the next day in brand new $135 boots. He doesn't need new boots, he has three pairs already.

He came home stressed over part of a dental bill that went to collections for $800. He wasn't sure how he was going to pay it, and was trying to hint at us waiving his rent so he could throw it at his debts. He then proceeded to spend the next THREE days out with his friends partying and getting shit-faced and blacked out drunk.

Despite us telling him he can help himself to the fridge and share dinner with us - we like variety and cooking for 2 can be hard sometimes - he still opts to come home with a new and exciting sixer of beer almost everyday and buys food for the week that he then lets go bad because he eats out at work most days.

He got a full time job at the hospital three miles from my house - I work there and often bike - he proceeded to quit that job, and now commutes in a truck he can't afford to a hospital 45-60 mins away. My husband is a mechanic and offered to help him find and pick out a decent commuter car before he moved in with us, which my cousin insisted he wanted the help, and then bought the truck without any input from us anyways.  This truck is kind of a lemon, and my husband graciously spends his free time patching it up to keep it on the road.

He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring" or "not the hours he wanted to work". He makes so many bad money decisions, and we cannot talk any sense into him, despite him wanting to move in with us specifically so we could help him get on his feet. His parents have already said he can't move back in, and we don't want to throw family out into the street, but we are starting to consider it.

And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.
A couple months ago, I dealt with something similar with my sister-in-law, except no income at all and a couple drug addictions thrown in the mix.

You can lead a horse to water...

craiglepaige

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4528 on: March 01, 2018, 02:05:53 PM »
My cousin lives with us. We offered to rent him a room to get away from his over bearing parents so he can get back up on his feet and make a plan without his parents shitting on every idea he has. We are also a one income family while my husband is in school, so an extra bit of rent a month is an appealing thing. Well, he talked a good game but we are slowly learning why his parents may have been so frustrated.

He hasn't paid his very reasonable $300 rent on time once since he has moved in. he makes $16 and hour and works nearly every day (he says) so the money should be there. He was 20 days late paying us February rent, and came home the next day in brand new $135 boots. He doesn't need new boots, he has three pairs already.

He came home stressed over part of a dental bill that went to collections for $800. He wasn't sure how he was going to pay it, and was trying to hint at us waiving his rent so he could throw it at his debts. He then proceeded to spend the next THREE days out with his friends partying and getting shit-faced and blacked out drunk.

Despite us telling him he can help himself to the fridge and share dinner with us - we like variety and cooking for 2 can be hard sometimes - he still opts to come home with a new and exciting sixer of beer almost everyday and buys food for the week that he then lets go bad because he eats out at work most days.

He got a full time job at the hospital three miles from my house - I work there and often bike - he proceeded to quit that job, and now commutes in a truck he can't afford to a hospital 45-60 mins away. My husband is a mechanic and offered to help him find and pick out a decent commuter car before he moved in with us, which my cousin insisted he wanted the help, and then bought the truck without any input from us anyways.  This truck is kind of a lemon, and my husband graciously spends his free time patching it up to keep it on the road.

He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring" or "not the hours he wanted to work". He makes so many bad money decisions, and we cannot talk any sense into him, despite him wanting to move in with us specifically so we could help him get on his feet. His parents have already said he can't move back in, and we don't want to throw family out into the street, but we are starting to consider it.

And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

The bold part is funny, all else is shit. Sorry you're dealing with such an asshole. I would give him one more month to get his shit together and if not, he's gone. I bet his parents are loving not having to deal with his antics.
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TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4529 on: March 01, 2018, 03:05:26 PM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.
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SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4530 on: March 01, 2018, 04:22:40 PM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

LeRainDrop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4531 on: March 01, 2018, 08:43:05 PM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

Definitely.  This is a guy who is learning a lesson now -- either that you're willing to enable him, or that you'll expect him to meet his commitments to you.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4532 on: March 02, 2018, 01:12:40 AM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

Definitely.  This is a guy who is learning a lesson now -- either that you're willing to enable him, or that you'll expect him to meet his commitments to you.

You are not doing him a favor in the long run by enabling him. He is getting a screwed idea of how the world works if everyone lets him stay for free and would pay his dentist bills while he continues to party.
I would sit down with him and explain that you cannot afford to have a roommate that doesn't pay rent. He has the option to setup an auto-payment in his bank to pay you the rent the day after his salary comes in. If the next rent doesn't come on time, evict him. You could be flexible by synchronizing the payment date to his salary date.
But in the end, it doesn't sound like a guy you want to have living in your house. Your husband should consider not helping him out so much with the car. Or maybe teaching the guy to do it himself. But not paying for any parts.

former player

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4533 on: March 02, 2018, 01:23:43 AM »
If he's drinking a six pack of beer most days he's got an alcohol problem.  Quite possibly he's driving drunk in the morning from drinking the night before.

He needs the "come to Jesus" talk from you both: he pays his rent and car parts and stops bringing alcohol in the house, starting immediately.
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Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4534 on: March 02, 2018, 07:05:16 AM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around Ä8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.
AT&T has a 1GB/unlimited calls and texts for $35/month.

H2O (at&t) has an unlimited talk/text with 1 GB data for $20/month ($18 if you have auto-renew set up). That's probably the closest direct comparison.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4535 on: March 02, 2018, 07:33:43 AM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around Ä8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.
AT&T has a 1GB/unlimited calls and texts for $35/month.

H2O (at&t) has an unlimited talk/text with 1 GB data for $20/month ($18 if you have auto-renew set up). That's probably the closest direct comparison.

Derailing the thread.  How have I not heard of H20 before??  Ting coverage is awful where I need it.  ATT offers the best coverage in that area.  I will definitely be exploring this further when Iím ready to change!  Thanks. 

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4536 on: March 02, 2018, 10:30:34 AM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

Definitely.  This is a guy who is learning a lesson now -- either that you're willing to enable him, or that you'll expect him to meet his commitments to you.

Get him to the street, change the locks. As for the rent money he owes you, write off and chalk it up to life experience.

Renting a room can really help finances but only if you do it right. You can rent to family but there should be more communication given beforehand and during. I collect rent first thing on the month, my roommate is great about having the check written out and on the counter so if a few times he forgets it isn't a big deal as he'll have it there the next day. I love that I don't need to ask for payment.

 and consider the rent money you didn't earn to be a

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4537 on: March 02, 2018, 04:04:51 PM »

You need to tell him in so many words that either he pays you on time, or he's out. You wouldn't be throwing him out; he's throwing himself out by failing to follow a few clear rules.

Quote
I would sit down with him and explain that you cannot afford to have a roommate that doesn't pay rent. He has the option to setup an auto-payment in his bank to pay you the rent the day after his salary comes in. If the next rent doesn't come on time, evict him. You could be flexible by synchronizing the payment date to his salary date.

This. But since he can't manage his money (I would tell him this), transfer the rent weekly. Telling him to pay on time isn't working; you have to enforce it. And he needs to *feel* what it's like to have $300 less available. Either he gets it, or (more likely) he gets to live on his own and learn the hard way. He sounds like the kind of guy who has to learn the hard way.

Quote
He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring"

LOL. Why does he think it's called WORK.

BTDretire

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4538 on: March 03, 2018, 02:58:40 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

It always surprises me to see it. I had my own phone plan at 18, and before that I was paying for my own pre-paid phone credit.

 Ya! I have two college kids on my daughters plan that I pay for. We had the plan in her name because she got a student discount. The discount has run out. Recently my daughter upgraded to unlimited and added her fiance's phone on to the plan.
Telling me the bill won't increase, we'll see!
 They are getting married next week. When she told me she added him to the bill, I told her my plan was to have her get her own plan after she got married. She sheepishly said, Oh!
 This is in another thread but, they both lost there jobs, through no fault of their own, (both worked at the same place)
 He did get another job two days later, and 3 paid weeks off even before he starts. (compensation for him not signing an agreement about his termination which would have gave him 8 weeks severance pay, but also putting roadblocks for the new company hiring him) His starting pay is much lower than he was making.
 So, I expect to continue paying their phone bill.
 
« Last Edit: March 04, 2018, 07:10:25 PM by BTDretire »

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4539 on: March 03, 2018, 06:02:48 PM »
Ya! I have two college kids on my daughters plan that I pay for. We had the plan in her name because she got a student discount. The discount has run out. Recently my daughter upgraded to unlimited and added her fiance's phone on to the plan.
Telling the bill won't increase, we'll see!
 They are getting married next week. When she told me she added him to the bill, I told her my plan was to have her get her own plan after she got married. She sheepishly said, Oh!
 This is in another thread but, they both lost there jobs, through no fault of their own, (both worked at the same place)
 He did get another job two days later, and 3 paid weeks off even before he starts. (compensation for him not signing an agreement about his termination which would have gave him 8 weeks severance pay, but also putting roadblocks for the new company hiring him) His starting pay is much lower than he was making.
 So, I expect to continue paying their phone bill.
 

I'd be nice and give them 6 months or something to get back on their feet, then they either get their own plan or chip in for their share. If you go this route, be upfront so they can plan. Or not plan, but that's their problem not yours.

BTDretire

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4540 on: March 04, 2018, 07:17:38 PM »
Ya! I have two college kids on my daughters plan that I pay for. We had the plan in her name because she got a student discount. The discount has run out. Recently my daughter upgraded to unlimited and added her fiance's phone on to the plan.
Telling the bill won't increase, we'll see!
 They are getting married next week. When she told me she added him to the bill, I told her my plan was to have her get her own plan after she got married. She sheepishly said, Oh!
 This is in another thread but, they both lost there jobs, through no fault of their own, (both worked at the same place)
 He did get another job two days later, and 3 paid weeks off even before he starts. (compensation for him not signing an agreement about his termination which would have gave him 8 weeks severance pay, but also putting roadblocks for the new company hiring him) His starting pay is much lower than he was making.
 So, I expect to continue paying their phone bill.
 

I'd be nice and give them 6 months or something to get back on their feet, then they either get their own plan or chip in for their share. If you go this route, be upfront so they can plan. Or not plan, but that's their problem not yours.
Yes, that's reasonable, but there's more to the story :-) My daughter just got accepted to dental college, we will be paying for the 4 years of tuition, so the extra $800 a year for the phone is like 1.2% of the tuition. So she's on my dole for a while yet.
Lucky for her we have been savers for our whole marriage (37 yrs) and can afford it. And she's not a slouch, she's out their getting it done.

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4541 on: March 04, 2018, 07:29:30 PM »
Ya! I have two college kids on my daughters plan that I pay for. We had the plan in her name because she got a student discount. The discount has run out. Recently my daughter upgraded to unlimited and added her fiance's phone on to the plan.
Telling the bill won't increase, we'll see!
 They are getting married next week. When she told me she added him to the bill, I told her my plan was to have her get her own plan after she got married. She sheepishly said, Oh!
 This is in another thread but, they both lost there jobs, through no fault of their own, (both worked at the same place)
 He did get another job two days later, and 3 paid weeks off even before he starts. (compensation for him not signing an agreement about his termination which would have gave him 8 weeks severance pay, but also putting roadblocks for the new company hiring him) His starting pay is much lower than he was making.
 So, I expect to continue paying their phone bill.
 

I'd be nice and give them 6 months or something to get back on their feet, then they either get their own plan or chip in for their share. If you go this route, be upfront so they can plan. Or not plan, but that's their problem not yours.
Yes, that's reasonable, but there's more to the story :-) My daughter just got accepted to dental college, we will be paying for the 4 years of tuition, so the extra $800 a year for the phone is like 1.2% of the tuition. So she's on my dole for a while yet.
Lucky for her we have been savers for our whole marriage (37 yrs) and can afford it. And she's not a slouch, she's out their getting it done.

That's acceptable. Good luck to your daughter.

martyconlonontherun

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4542 on: April 23, 2018, 12:45:22 PM »
Goddaughter/Niece's 7th birthday party was yesterday and I have a 520 account I contribute to monthly for her. Wife asked what we were getting her and I said I just plan on putting $25 extra in the account since she is having 25 kids over for a patry giving her toys she doesn't need. (My sister has a 1,400 square foot house with 3 kids. Not small but it fills up fast). Recognizing this wasn't very exciting for a 7 year-old I gave in to getting her a real present. My wife grabbed a swimsuit, cover-up and flip flops. I was shocked it was $45. Just seemed like a waste that didn't bring any real happiness or value. I guarantee if you asked my niece about the swimsuit she would have no idea what you were talking about.

jengod

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4543 on: April 23, 2018, 01:17:03 PM »
Goddaughter/Niece's 7th birthday party was yesterday and I have a 520 account I contribute to monthly for her. Wife asked what we were getting her and I said I just plan on putting $25 extra in the account since she is having 25 kids over for a patry giving her toys she doesn't need. (My sister has a 1,400 square foot house with 3 kids. Not small but it fills up fast). Recognizing this wasn't very exciting for a 7 year-old I gave in to getting her a real present. My wife grabbed a swimsuit, cover-up and flip flops. I was shocked it was $45. Just seemed like a waste that didn't bring any real happiness or value. I guarantee if you asked my niece about the swimsuit she would have no idea what you were talking about.

You're a good godfather/uncle. The gift of compounding interest over time is wonderful, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it when she is older.
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kaypinkHH

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4544 on: April 25, 2018, 05:11:41 AM »
Just when I thought my BIL and SIL couldn't get any more ridiculous, they out do themselves...

BIL and SIL work in "oil country", making decent salaries (He is an engineer, she is a teacher). They are in their mid 30s, live in a Mini McMansion in a suburb, have 2 young children, and have an affinity for fancy cars.

They are constantly car swapping, upgrading, selling, buying etc.  Currently they have a fancy jeep thing, and a big hecking escalade with all the fixins. They also have a lambourgini (for fun??). It is slightly older (2006 I think?) but still, the cost of keeping that thing on the road+ monthly payments are more than what we pay for a mortgage.

MrHH was talking to his brother last night, and we were informed that they are selling the lambo. Finally, we thought, they are realizing that spending that much money on a car is ridiculous....

Nope. They are selling the lambo to "BUY" A FERRARI. Shipping it up from the states, probably going to end up costing them over 200k CAD. Plus all the incidental fees of that car. Even if he resells this car in 3-5 years (as seems to be the pattern), we figure interest+depreciation+ maintenance+ insurance will cost him 20-30k a year.

Now fair enough, it is their money, and if they want to work until they are 70 to pay for this fancy car habit, more power to them, but what drives us nuts is that they often complain about how hard it would be for them to move back closer to family because they "can't afford" the pay cut, and how "lucky" Mr.HH and I are to be closer to family.  Their life is so hard.

Grumble grumble.

Meanwhile we are over here feeling bad about eating fancy snacks we purchased on a whim and how we "wasted" $11.99.

RWD

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4545 on: April 25, 2018, 07:49:11 AM »
Nope. They are selling the lambo to "BUY" A FERRARI. Shipping it up from the states, probably going to end up costing them over 200k CAD. Plus all the incidental fees of that car. Even if he resells this car in 3-5 years (as seems to be the pattern), we figure interest+depreciation+ maintenance+ insurance will cost him 20-30k a year.

Depending on the model of Ferrari it may not depreciate at all. At 200k CAD it's obviously not a brand new car. Most used Ferraris are holding their value really well or even appreciating. Even the relatively more mass produced models. Now that's not to say it's a wise use of money. The rest of the expenses you listed are still quite significant on a Ferrari and they are certainly losing a lot of money on anything that isn't a rapidly appreciating classic.

Cali

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4546 on: April 25, 2018, 09:08:33 PM »
Most used Ferraris are holding their value really well or even appreciating. Even the relatively more mass produced models.

I’m not betting my non-existent ranch on the likelihood of OP’s relatives having the foresight to buy the Ferrari as an investment.

K-ice

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4547 on: April 25, 2018, 09:16:48 PM »
Goddaughter/Niece's 7th birthday party ..... I gave in to getting her a real present. My wife grabbed a swimsuit, cover-up and flip flops. I was shocked it was $45. Just seemed like a waste that didn't bring any real happiness or value. I guarantee if you asked my niece about the swimsuit she would have no idea what you were talking about.

Make a date and take her swimming too. She will likely remember that forever.

RWD

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4548 on: April 26, 2018, 04:52:56 AM »
Most used Ferraris are holding their value really well or even appreciating. Even the relatively more mass produced models.

Iím not betting my non-existent ranch on the likelihood of OPís relatives having the foresight to buy the Ferrari as an investment.

Haha, yeah, me either.

kaypinkHH

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4549 on: April 26, 2018, 01:14:01 PM »
Oh they are the type that everything is an investment. SIL: "These high quality clothes are investment pieces" girl please, your $400 LV mass produced purse is not a investment.

My BIL does wheel and deal to buy and sell his cars so he often doesn't lose too much money on them, (or so we are told), it is more so the operation and maintenance cost, and the general monthly carrying costs that boggle my mind, combined with the "oh poor us we can't move back to be closer to family" comments, not to mention the stress my BIL has because he could never risk losing his job.

Fancy car in my driveway that I drive 1x per week for 4 months of the year MAX vs living a laid back stress free life.....I'll choose the later!

(Also I love the math that for the less than the cost of owning that car, MrHH, who does love cars as well, could go to track day ~1x per week and drive better cars at speeds they are designed to drive, but then we don't get to tell people we have a Ferrari and that is what really counts...ugh).