Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1436483 times)

Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4450 on: February 02, 2018, 09:33:31 AM »
We have a factory in our town where machine operators were making $80K and up depending on OT. A lot of these people were married (both working in the same department) and were living the life you describe: McMansions, BMW's, exotic vacations, motorcycles, boats, you name it, they bought it. Well, one day, without any notice they closed this department down. Not the whole factory but there were too many people to absorb so they all got laid off. BOOM! Where do you get a factory job where both husband and wife can make that kind of money per year? Rude awakening. A lot of them had to have a serious lifestyle adjustment. They probably didn't save in the 401K's either. If they did, they probably drained it dry to get by. Jobs come and go and the gravy train doesn't run forever.

I remember watching a segment on CBS Sunday morning (maybe last year) about the downturn in oil production and how it was affecting oil rig workers. One man was making something like $1000-$1200 PER DAY and was saying how he could no longer make his truck payments. He then said that last time this happened he and his wife almost lost their house. First of all, why do you have truck payments? With money like that, you could easily save and buy a fully loaded jacked-up behemoth in cash. Also, clearly this has happened to you before, so why didn't you put away some of the money?!

Oh boy, I see you're not familiar with oil field types. They spend and spend until they get laid off.

saguaro

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4451 on: February 02, 2018, 11:32:09 AM »
All reasons to avoid the payments lifestyle. The thought of managing a half dozen loans is worrying to me. That's the best part of being mortgage free in a few more years. Unemployment would be far less stressful. Any old job, and a careful budget would keep the lights on and the taxes paid.

ITA on this.   DH lost his job during the Great Recession and was out of work for over 2 years.   We managed to keep all bills paid, including the mortgage, paid off the credit card, and build some savings during that time.   Had both cars paid off, mortgage payment was low for an HCOL area (bought townhome aka "starter home" in mid 90s and decided to stay there) and little credit card debt (one card, low balance, that's the one we paid off).   Smaller home meant lower energy costs and the fact that DH wasn't making his long commute anymore saved on gas.   And we still went ahead with replacing windows on our home for which we contracted for before DH lost his job.   Windows were leaking so the job had to be done, but we paid for it in cash.

Now DH's sister's husband makes very good money when he has a job.   Unfortunately the last 15 years, he's been in and out of work since losing the one steady corporate job he had for 25 years.   Not his fault, just a lot of corporate restructurings, in one case the well known company just went bankrupt overnight.  Several of the jobs have been contract work.  They have had some lean times where they cut back but once BIL has a job they go right back to spending on boats, a horse, a trailer for the horse, the Silverado to pull the trailer, stable expenses, plus two condos on top of their regular home and let's not forget the BMW.  In spite of the lean times and constant churn in jobs, they just spend.  We just learned they had to pull out of their retirement funds to pay bills during the last round of unemployment.   BIL just turned 67 and is still working, no change in all the spending.  I can see it getting pretty tough when he finally has to stop for good. 

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4452 on: February 02, 2018, 12:28:55 PM »
The payment lifestyle was a really important lesson that we taught our kids. People with fancy things are not always rich.

I wasn't raised like that. My parents were mostly cash spenders rather than payment spenders.

It didn't dawn on me until I was much older how other people manage their money sometimes. Duh!

Dollar Slice

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4453 on: February 02, 2018, 01:04:31 PM »
This is more of a "relatives who sort of get it" post... One of my parents told me a funny story about writing/depositing an extremely large check (six figures) in the process of deciding to pay off a home equity loan. Apparently they had put all their home renovations and at least one brand new luxury car (BMW) into an adjustable rate home equity loan, because something something deductible interest something something. (I have no idea if the math actually worked on that one, but they probably made out like bandits by investing instead of paying it off the last couple years.) Now that deduction is gone and (this is the "getting it" part) they cashed out some investments and wrote a check to pay it off. Apparently bank tellers are suspicious of women who walk into banks to pay off six-figure loans. And now everyone at the bank calls them by name and wants to sell them some high-end investment services because they think they must have just inherited a ton of money.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4454 on: February 02, 2018, 04:21:07 PM »
We have a factory in our town where machine operators were making $80K and up depending on OT. A lot of these people were married (both working in the same department) and were living the life you describe: McMansions, BMW's, exotic vacations, motorcycles, boats, you name it, they bought it. Well, one day, without any notice they closed this department down. Not the whole factory but there were too many people to absorb so they all got laid off. BOOM! Where do you get a factory job where both husband and wife can make that kind of money per year? Rude awakening. A lot of them had to have a serious lifestyle adjustment. They probably didn't save in the 401K's either. If they did, they probably drained it dry to get by. Jobs come and go and the gravy train doesn't run forever.

I remember watching a segment on CBS Sunday morning (maybe last year) about the downturn in oil production and how it was affecting oil rig workers. One man was making something like $1000-$1200 PER DAY and was saying how he could no longer make his truck payments. He then said that last time this happened he and his wife almost lost their house. First of all, why do you have truck payments? With money like that, you could easily save and buy a fully loaded jacked-up behemoth in cash. Also, clearly this has happened to you before, so why didn't you put away some of the money?!

Oh boy, I see you're not familiar with oil field types. They spend and spend until they get laid off.

And mining types.

As mines in the Hunter have shed staff, mates of mine opted for FIFO work to maintain the lifestyle.

That means working three weeks on, one week off, to pay for apartments, cars and gym memberships that are only used for a week every month.

stashja

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4455 on: February 02, 2018, 05:11:40 PM »
Well, itís happened again. My 32-year-old brother got fired from his good, well-paying job in L.A. ... for cause. He kept doing something on company hours that he had been told not to do. My parents explain it as a good thing because now he can go back to school, get an MBA, etc etc. So they gave him $10,000 and are paying the rent on his apartment while he ďstudies.Ē (Heís been trying that intermittently since 2007.)

I donít envy him the money. I donít need money. My partner and I live well frugally. But they are setting my brother up for absolute disaster. They just taught him that itís not necessary to make an effort to remain employed. I donít want him living on the street (and will never take him in. He despises me, treats my partner as if he doesnít exist, and has explicitly stated he would never live in our ďboringĒ midwestern area.)

Am I right to be mad at them for helping him to create his inability to survive in he real world? I canít tell anyone except the forum how mad and worried I am.

eliza

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4456 on: February 02, 2018, 05:42:23 PM »
Well, itís happened again. My 32-year-old brother got fired from his good, well-paying job in L.A. ... for cause. He kept doing something on company hours that he had been told not to do. My parents explain it as a good thing because now he can go back to school, get an MBA, etc etc. So they gave him $10,000 and are paying the rent on his apartment while he ďstudies.Ē (Heís been trying that intermittently since 2007.)

I donít envy him the money. I donít need money. My partner and I live well frugally. But they are setting my brother up for absolute disaster. They just taught him that itís not necessary to make an effort to remain employed. I donít want him living on the street (and will never take him in. He despises me, treats my partner as if he doesnít exist, and has explicitly stated he would never live in our ďboringĒ midwestern area.)

Am I right to be mad at them for helping him to create his inability to survive in he real world? I canít tell anyone except the forum how mad and worried I am.

I think that it is reasonable to be mad at them.  It's like family constantly enabling an addict.  Eventually it's all going to come crashing down. 

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4457 on: February 02, 2018, 07:56:44 PM »
Well, itís happened again. My 32-year-old brother got fired from his good, well-paying job in L.A. ... for cause. He kept doing something on company hours that he had been told not to do. My parents explain it as a good thing because now he can go back to school, get an MBA, etc etc. So they gave him $10,000 and are paying the rent on his apartment while he ďstudies.Ē (Heís been trying that intermittently since 2007.)

I donít envy him the money. I donít need money. My partner and I live well frugally. But they are setting my brother up for absolute disaster. They just taught him that itís not necessary to make an effort to remain employed. I donít want him living on the street (and will never take him in. He despises me, treats my partner as if he doesnít exist, and has explicitly stated he would never live in our ďboringĒ midwestern area.)

Am I right to be mad at them for helping him to create his inability to survive in he real world? I canít tell anyone except the forum how mad and worried I am.

Some people learn the hard way, regardless of what anyone else tries to tell them or model for them. Sounds like your parents and brother are in that space. Nothing you can do about it, and worrying certainly won't help.

chaskavitch

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4458 on: February 04, 2018, 07:01:01 AM »
DH and I cancelled cable earlier this year, both for savings and because we were never watching it.  We just complained about the commercials and wasted $5 at a time renting movies we were too lazy to Redbox or too impatient to wait for on Netflix.  We've been surprisingly happy with it.  I mean, now we're behind on Game of Thrones, and I miss Jeopardy, but otherwise we have much less time wasted watching shows we don't care about just because they're on.

My mother-in-law just bought DH a HD TV antenna for his birthday.  She actually said "I know you don't want this, but if I'm going to be coming up once a month, I need to be able to watch my football." 

Why would you spend $80 (I just looked it up) on your son's 30th birthday on a present you KNOW he doesn't want, and also not get him anything else?  He even sent out a list of things he needs (tools, new work pants, etc.) so we wouldn't get more clutter that wouldn't be used, so I know she had other options.  She does like to buy presents, it's definitely her love language, so that makes it even stranger to me.

DH waited until she was out of earshot and said "I'm kind of sad about the antenna", which made me extra sad.  Plus now he has to make the time to install it either on our roof or in our attic, neither of which tasks are appealing in the slightest.  She might not get her football this year anyway because of our sheer laziness.

So, we have neither put up this antenna nor gotten rid of it.  MIL is in town this weekend, and has generously informed us that she's giving us her recently deceased mother's TV to put in our guest room.  I think she falls asleep with the TV on at home, and also watches late night talk shows when she can't sleep, and wants those options when she comes up for a few days every month or two.  I'm not sure what she thinks she's going to be watching on said TV, though.  Netflix, maybe? 

Just a note - my MIL is a great lady and so nice, I just don't relate to a lot of the things she values that she thinks WE should think are important too.  Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...

Dicey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4459 on: February 04, 2018, 09:09:42 AM »
My favourite period of history is between the two world wars and you still read about women of independent means then.
@shelivesthedream, have you read the Maisie Dobbs books by Jacqueline Winspear? Right up this alley.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4460 on: February 04, 2018, 10:59:36 AM »
My favourite period of history is between the two world wars and you still read about women of independent means then.
@shelivesthedream, have you read the Maisie Dobbs books by Jacqueline Winspear? Right up this alley.

Thanks for the tip! I've added them to my book list.

Goldielocks

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4461 on: February 04, 2018, 10:59:59 AM »
chaskavitch -- my SIL kept giving our son, aged 14, stuffed animals for birthday / christmas.  He received 3 of them in 2 years.  She lives 4 miles away, so sees him regularly.

Teenage boys aren't really into stuffed animals, but it was from her MLM, so I guess that's ok / worse / IDK....  confused. 
« Last Edit: February 04, 2018, 11:02:08 AM by Goldielocks »

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4462 on: February 04, 2018, 11:36:17 AM »
chaskavitch -- my SIL kept giving our son, aged 14, stuffed animals for birthday / christmas.  He received 3 of them in 2 years.  She lives 4 miles away, so sees him regularly.

Teenage boys aren't really into stuffed animals, but it was from her MLM, so I guess that's ok / worse / IDK....  confused.

Thank goodness for donation.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4463 on: February 04, 2018, 01:55:24 PM »
Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
Oh my goodness, how I've grown to hate stuffed animals.  Ok, I get that some kids have a special animal that's great for comforting them, etc.  That's absolutely fine.  What I *don't* like is how many people think that they make good gifts, and that the one *they* give will be the one that becomes the treasured toy.  As a result, we have loads of useless, space-hogging stuffed ...things of all sorts cluttering up our house.  We got rid of a whole bunch at/after a yard sale last year, but the kids *still* don't play with any of the ones that are left, except for a few small ones that they chose themselves.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4464 on: February 04, 2018, 01:58:25 PM »
Dogs like stuffed animals. One of my dogs chews off the ears, noses, legs and tails. Stuffing everywhere!

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4465 on: February 04, 2018, 02:09:55 PM »
Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
Oh my goodness, how I've grown to hate stuffed animals.  Ok, I get that some kids have a special animal that's great for comforting them, etc.  That's absolutely fine.  What I *don't* like is how many people think that they make good gifts, and that the one *they* give will be the one that becomes the treasured toy.  As a result, we have loads of useless, space-hogging stuffed ...things of all sorts cluttering up our house.  We got rid of a whole bunch at/after a yard sale last year, but the kids *still* don't play with any of the ones that are left, except for a few small ones that they chose themselves.

Just because someone gives it to you doesn't mean you have to have to keep it.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4466 on: February 04, 2018, 03:23:48 PM »
Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
Oh my goodness, how I've grown to hate stuffed animals.  Ok, I get that some kids have a special animal that's great for comforting them, etc.  That's absolutely fine.  What I *don't* like is how many people think that they make good gifts, and that the one *they* give will be the one that becomes the treasured toy.  As a result, we have loads of useless, space-hogging stuffed ...things of all sorts cluttering up our house.  We got rid of a whole bunch at/after a yard sale last year, but the kids *still* don't play with any of the ones that are left, except for a few small ones that they chose themselves.

Just because someone gives it to you doesn't mean you have to have to keep it.

Both sets of grandparents for my brother-in-law's kid give gifts embroidered with the [unusual] child's name on them... Yep, even the stuffed animals...

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4467 on: February 04, 2018, 07:33:49 PM »
Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
Oh my goodness, how I've grown to hate stuffed animals.  Ok, I get that some kids have a special animal that's great for comforting them, etc.  That's absolutely fine.  What I *don't* like is how many people think that they make good gifts, and that the one *they* give will be the one that becomes the treasured toy.  As a result, we have loads of useless, space-hogging stuffed ...things of all sorts cluttering up our house.  We got rid of a whole bunch at/after a yard sale last year, but the kids *still* don't play with any of the ones that are left, except for a few small ones that they chose themselves.

Just because someone gives it to you doesn't mean you have to have to keep it.

Both sets of grandparents for my brother-in-law's kid give gifts embroidered with the [unusual] child's name on them... Yep, even the stuffed animals...

Easy. Seam ripper and patience. Pull out the embroidery. Can be very soothing actually.

alewpanda

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4468 on: February 05, 2018, 08:54:10 PM »
Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
Oh my goodness, how I've grown to hate stuffed animals.  Ok, I get that some kids have a special animal that's great for comforting them, etc.  That's absolutely fine.  What I *don't* like is how many people think that they make good gifts, and that the one *they* give will be the one that becomes the treasured toy.  As a result, we have loads of useless, space-hogging stuffed ...things of all sorts cluttering up our house.  We got rid of a whole bunch at/after a yard sale last year, but the kids *still* don't play with any of the ones that are left, except for a few small ones that they chose themselves.

Just because someone gives it to you doesn't mean you have to have to keep it.

Both sets of grandparents for my brother-in-law's kid give gifts embroidered with the [unusual] child's name on them... Yep, even the stuffed animals...

Easy. Seam ripper and patience. Pull out the embroidery. Can be very soothing actually.

I regularly purchase stuffed animals for my dogs from the thrift store for 50 cents a piece.  They destroy them anyway...and they are way cheaper than dog toys!   

Maybe you can find someone local in a similar situation ;)

Prairie Stash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4469 on: February 09, 2018, 01:55:21 PM »
DH and I cancelled cable earlier this year, both for savings and because we were never watching it.  We just complained about the commercials and wasted $5 at a time renting movies we were too lazy to Redbox or too impatient to wait for on Netflix.  We've been surprisingly happy with it.  I mean, now we're behind on Game of Thrones, and I miss Jeopardy, but otherwise we have much less time wasted watching shows we don't care about just because they're on.

My mother-in-law just bought DH a HD TV antenna for his birthday.  She actually said "I know you don't want this, but if I'm going to be coming up once a month, I need to be able to watch my football." 

Why would you spend $80 (I just looked it up) on your son's 30th birthday on a present you KNOW he doesn't want, and also not get him anything else?  He even sent out a list of things he needs (tools, new work pants, etc.) so we wouldn't get more clutter that wouldn't be used, so I know she had other options.  She does like to buy presents, it's definitely her love language, so that makes it even stranger to me.

DH waited until she was out of earshot and said "I'm kind of sad about the antenna", which made me extra sad.  Plus now he has to make the time to install it either on our roof or in our attic, neither of which tasks are appealing in the slightest.  She might not get her football this year anyway because of our sheer laziness.

So, we have neither put up this antenna nor gotten rid of it.  MIL is in town this weekend, and has generously informed us that she's giving us her recently deceased mother's TV to put in our guest room.  I think she falls asleep with the TV on at home, and also watches late night talk shows when she can't sleep, and wants those options when she comes up for a few days every month or two.  I'm not sure what she thinks she's going to be watching on said TV, though.  Netflix, maybe? 

Just a note - my MIL is a great lady and so nice, I just don't relate to a lot of the things she values that she thinks WE should think are important too.  Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
https://nocable.org/availability-report/zip/80524-fort-collins-co
I see you get FOX, CBS and ABC for free. I believe they show Jeopardy on ABC.

I find Over The Air (OTA) fun. To install you plug the antenna into the TV. Not exaggerating, it took me 5 minutes the first time, I just plugged it into the TV in the living room and then told the TV to scan for channels. Eventually I moved it to the attic, you can get more channels sometimes (the higher the antenna the longer range stations it can find). Remember, this tech was developed in the 50's, its about as simple as it gets.

Your MIL gave you a gift that replaces cable TV for free. She gave you a gift that enables you to still watch Jeopardy...why would you miss it when you still have it?

iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4470 on: February 11, 2018, 02:02:08 PM »
Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
Oh my goodness, how I've grown to hate stuffed animals.  Ok, I get that some kids have a special animal that's great for comforting them, etc.  That's absolutely fine.  What I *don't* like is how many people think that they make good gifts, and that the one *they* give will be the one that becomes the treasured toy.  As a result, we have loads of useless, space-hogging stuffed ...things of all sorts cluttering up our house.  We got rid of a whole bunch at/after a yard sale last year, but the kids *still* don't play with any of the ones that are left, except for a few small ones that they chose themselves.

Just because someone gives it to you doesn't mean you have to have to keep it.

Both sets of grandparents for my brother-in-law's kid give gifts embroidered with the [unusual] child's name on them... Yep, even the stuffed animals...

Easy. Seam ripper and patience. Pull out the embroidery. Can be very soothing actually.

I regularly purchase stuffed animals for my dogs from the thrift store for 50 cents a piece.  They destroy them anyway...and they are way cheaper than dog toys!   

Maybe you can find someone local in a similar situation ;)

I get my big old fat bulldog his Ďwabbits from the thrift sotre. He doesnt tear them up, he sucks on them for hours, very cute it is.

rebel_quietude

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4471 on: February 17, 2018, 12:43:20 PM »



I regularly purchase stuffed animals for my dogs from the thrift store for 50 cents a piece.  They destroy them anyway...and they are way cheaper than dog toys!   

Maybe you can find someone local in a similar situation ;)

Careful, careful please!!
Our beloved lab swallowed some yarn from a the hair of a toy and started puking up everything he ate or drank for 36 hours. $1,300 in surgery costs later, the yarn came out from his intestines. If we had left it another day before going to the vet he wouldn't have survived. Please be careful with toys and dogs!
« Last Edit: February 18, 2018, 01:39:40 AM by rebel_quietude »

chaskavitch

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4472 on: February 17, 2018, 01:36:00 PM »
DH and I cancelled cable earlier this year, both for savings and because we were never watching it.  We just complained about the commercials and wasted $5 at a time renting movies we were too lazy to Redbox or too impatient to wait for on Netflix.  We've been surprisingly happy with it.  I mean, now we're behind on Game of Thrones, and I miss Jeopardy, but otherwise we have much less time wasted watching shows we don't care about just because they're on.

My mother-in-law just bought DH a HD TV antenna for his birthday.  She actually said "I know you don't want this, but if I'm going to be coming up once a month, I need to be able to watch my football." 

Why would you spend $80 (I just looked it up) on your son's 30th birthday on a present you KNOW he doesn't want, and also not get him anything else?  He even sent out a list of things he needs (tools, new work pants, etc.) so we wouldn't get more clutter that wouldn't be used, so I know she had other options.  She does like to buy presents, it's definitely her love language, so that makes it even stranger to me.

DH waited until she was out of earshot and said "I'm kind of sad about the antenna", which made me extra sad.  Plus now he has to make the time to install it either on our roof or in our attic, neither of which tasks are appealing in the slightest.  She might not get her football this year anyway because of our sheer laziness.

So, we have neither put up this antenna nor gotten rid of it.  MIL is in town this weekend, and has generously informed us that she's giving us her recently deceased mother's TV to put in our guest room.  I think she falls asleep with the TV on at home, and also watches late night talk shows when she can't sleep, and wants those options when she comes up for a few days every month or two.  I'm not sure what she thinks she's going to be watching on said TV, though.  Netflix, maybe? 

Just a note - my MIL is a great lady and so nice, I just don't relate to a lot of the things she values that she thinks WE should think are important too.  Also she keeps giving our kid singing stuffed animals for holidays...
https://nocable.org/availability-report/zip/80524-fort-collins-co
I see you get FOX, CBS and ABC for free. I believe they show Jeopardy on ABC.

I find Over The Air (OTA) fun. To install you plug the antenna into the TV. Not exaggerating, it took me 5 minutes the first time, I just plugged it into the TV in the living room and then told the TV to scan for channels. Eventually I moved it to the attic, you can get more channels sometimes (the higher the antenna the longer range stations it can find). Remember, this tech was developed in the 50's, its about as simple as it gets.

Your MIL gave you a gift that replaces cable TV for free. She gave you a gift that enables you to still watch Jeopardy...why would you miss it when you still have it?

You're right.  I was really irritated when she first gave it to us, because it felt like she only gave it to us for her own sake, and because she thought we were crazy.  And I can understand her wanting us to use the gift she gave, and therefore asking/prompting us about putting it up.  We should probably at least try it.

DH didn't want to climb up in the attic where he thought he'd have to install it, and I honestly (as much as I love Jeopardy) don't care to have TV back. 

There are plenty of mindless shows on Netflix, though, so we're not avoiding binging on shows by not having cable, we're only avoiding commercials.  And apparently the Olympics :(

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4473 on: February 17, 2018, 02:58:22 PM »

There are plenty of mindless shows on Netflix, though, so we're not avoiding binging on shows by not having cable, we're only avoiding commercials.  And apparently the Olympics :(

I think NBC has lots of online Olympic coverage.  I am getting all mine from CBC online.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4474 on: February 17, 2018, 03:04:53 PM »
Olympics is also on NBC over the air broadcast that you could get with that antenna... :)

LeRainDrop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4475 on: February 17, 2018, 10:46:39 PM »

There are plenty of mindless shows on Netflix, though, so we're not avoiding binging on shows by not having cable, we're only avoiding commercials.  And apparently the Olympics :(

I think NBC has lots of online Olympic coverage.  I am getting all mine from CBC online.

Yup, NBC Sports is broadcasting it all.  If you have an Amazon Firestick, you can download the NBC Sports app and watch everything for free.

penguintroopers

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4476 on: February 18, 2018, 06:58:32 PM »
My hubby and I haven't been paying for our own cell phone bills. We've had the same phones, and have just stayed on our respective parents plan. My phone is on my dad's company policy, which I don't even want to think about how much it costs. Honestly, if I tried to learn more about my dad's financial picture, he could probably fill up pages of this thread. No, today we are looking at my husband's phone, which is on his parents plan.

They pay four hundred dollars a month.

When we heard this, we had no idea how it cost so much. Granted we were looking at getting small data plans with google fi and the like, we were thinking it would be $50/mo for us both... so surely in a family of five, with some randomness and extra fun things, this would be like $200, tops, right?

Turns out some of the things they were paying for were financed phones, like when they left for vacation two years ago. Apparently my FIL went to the store before my MIL and FIL left for an international trip, because BIL (who was like 14 at the time) needed a phone in case of an emergency. When he went into the store asking for a cheap/free phone, apparently the worker interpreted it as "no money down" and gave them an iPhone 4. Somehow they still owe money on this phone, when my SIL has a paid off iPhone 7. (dunno how that math works). Anyway, they owe $300 on a basically worthless phone that's now sitting in a drawer.

Other fun things they were paying for? MIL and FIL have roadside assistance at $10/mo EACH. They have roadside assistance through their car insurance.

They get 10 GB a month for data and go over every month, and have the overage fees and extra data charges to go along with it. MIL uses up at least 50-70% of the data every month, despite the fact she only works 1 day a week and 95% of the data she uses is when she is at home and could just get on the wifi.

Their solution to this jumbo bill they finally decide to get under control? Cut my husband off.

Since we were down there in August (when all this talk about cutting him off was going on) my husband gets a look at the bill and sees the ridiculousness that they're paying for detailed above.  He details a plan to cut the bill in half, while he is still on the plan.

Taking my husband off would have saved them ~$50/mo. Hubby looking at the bill could saved them $200/mo for the last 6 months, but NOTHING has changed.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4477 on: February 18, 2018, 07:52:08 PM »
Their solution to this jumbo bill they finally decide to get under control? Cut my husband off.

You wanted them to lower their bill. They lowered their bill. They just didn't lower it in a way that best suited you.

If I was subsidising someone who volunteered such a helpful analysis of my spending, I'd cut them off in a heartbeat.

Zamboni

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4478 on: February 19, 2018, 07:21:23 AM »
^^Old enough to be married = old enough to pay your own phone bills. I think they do get that part.

Shrug.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4479 on: February 19, 2018, 10:19:26 AM »
^^Old enough to be married = old enough to pay your own phone bills. I think they do get that part.

Shrug.

I agree.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4480 on: February 19, 2018, 03:43:58 PM »
Lord help me....  SIL has posted a gofundme page.

For her daughter to attend national ballet summer academy, so prestigous, but man.  gofundme?!  While not cutting any personal expenses and not even approaching anyone in person first for assistance?  I must be old, but this is so... !! ....

Don't know how I will hold my tongue, I think I may end up posting here a lot.

penguintroopers

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4481 on: February 19, 2018, 05:44:25 PM »
Somethings to clear my above post up:

MIL is in charge of their household finances, but doesn't do a great job of it. My husband asked if they would like help finding more ways to cut the bill, and they agreed. After awhile they found that the problem wasn't really him being on the plan, but above silliness. They decided to take his suggestions and keep him on anyway, but they never changed anything.

Gronnie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4482 on: February 19, 2018, 06:00:18 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's what I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2018, 08:10:21 PM by Gronnie »

penguintroopers

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4483 on: February 19, 2018, 08:09:17 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

nick663

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4484 on: February 19, 2018, 08:46:30 PM »
Lord help me....  SIL has posted a gofundme page.

For her daughter to attend national ballet summer academy, so prestigous, but man.  gofundme?!  While not cutting any personal expenses and not even approaching anyone in person first for assistance?  I must be old, but this is so... !! ....

Don't know how I will hold my tongue, I think I may end up posting here a lot.
gofundme is a bad joke at this point.  So many people asking for others to finance luxuries or bail them out of mistakes that are the result of poor planning.

Somethings to clear my above post up:

MIL is in charge of their household finances, but doesn't do a great job of it. My husband asked if they would like help finding more ways to cut the bill, and they agreed. After awhile they found that the problem wasn't really him being on the plan, but above silliness. They decided to take his suggestions and keep him on anyway, but they never changed anything.
I was kind of surprised by immattdamon's reply above.  My parents talk openly about their bills with my brother and I.  Hell, I'm the one that gets stuck calling DirecTV once a year to threaten to cancel and get their bill lowered.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2018, 08:48:02 PM by nick663 »

jezebel

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4485 on: February 20, 2018, 03:07:08 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

That's a fairly convenient thing to just not think about.  Is it a bit hypocritical to vent about their high phone bill but still have them paying their adult son's cell phone bill?

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4486 on: February 20, 2018, 03:25:03 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

That's a fairly convenient thing to just not think about.  Is it a bit hypocritical to vent about their high phone bill but still have them paying their adult son's cell phone bill?

Well...

My phone is on my dad's company policy, which I don't even want to think about how much it costs.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4487 on: February 20, 2018, 04:12:35 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4488 on: February 20, 2018, 04:20:15 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

alewpanda

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4489 on: February 20, 2018, 04:55:24 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

Agreed.  Many of my siblings and family members are joined on a couple of different accounts to save costs.  They can get costs similar to my no contract plan if they combo enough phones together.  However, all of my siblings, once they either finished college or started their adult life--ish, started paying for their own portion.  I got married halfway through college, and I was kicked off within a month or two.  At the time, they needed the space on the plan for younger siblings, and now I was supporting myself officially. 

The idea of not paying for your portion as an adult.....thats cringy.

HappierAtHome

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4490 on: February 20, 2018, 05:14:41 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

It always surprises me to see it. I had my own phone plan at 18, and before that I was paying for my own pre-paid phone credit.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4491 on: February 20, 2018, 05:53:42 PM »
I'm over 50 and I just got my own phone and plan 3 months ago. 
......Waiting for heads to explode......

Spoiler: show
Don't cringe, it is my 1st personal cell phone (iphone 3gs) and plan ($2/day if used that day, $25/90days if not).

I've had a company cell phone for about 10 years? 15years? Forgotten details.

Never been on my parent's plan, they've only recently gotten (5years?) cell phones.

craiglepaige

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4492 on: February 20, 2018, 06:25:42 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

So your husband wants to help his parents with their finances and his way of doing so is by sticking them with his $50 cellphone bill? Amazing!

Sorry but you and your husband need to get your own plan together and not screw your parents over.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4493 on: February 20, 2018, 07:20:23 PM »
Re: phone family plan.

The thing you have to understand is that US phone companies are outrageously expensive. Think, Australian-broadband expensive. Pre-paid plans are only used by advanced consumers and poor people. Family plan discounts make the pill easier to swallow, and it's been done for so long that it's just what people do, regardless of ability to pay.

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4494 on: February 20, 2018, 08:16:29 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I haven't taken any financial assistance from my parents since I got my undergrad degree - and that was only partial funding for college.

Conversely I have a friend at work who pays for cell phones (and often cars!) for his 3 grown sons. Admittedly they all have a ton of medical school debt and only one is past residency (by a year or two.)

druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4495 on: February 20, 2018, 08:48:34 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Purple Economist

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4496 on: February 20, 2018, 08:53:30 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Why do they need to be the ones paying the $20 a month?

MrMoogle

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4497 on: February 21, 2018, 07:48:20 AM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Why do they need to be the ones paying the $20 a month?
My friend's family does this.  He, his wife, his brother, his sister and his BIL were all on his parents' plan, last time we talked about it.  They each pay the parents some of the bill, and evidently they are saving a ton of money doing it this way. 

craiglepaige

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4498 on: February 21, 2018, 07:54:39 AM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month-to-month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

But why would your parents be responsible for your bill? WTF?

merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4499 on: February 21, 2018, 08:55:38 AM »
I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

I'm on my parents' plan. I've paid for any "extras" I used since I originally got a phone and have been responsible for the "full" cost since graduating from college.

"Full cost" being $30/month for unlimited talk/text and 1GB of data, which is based on the cost of the line and the cost of the shared data divided by use per person. If I were to drop from the plan, my parents wouldn't be able to drop the shared data by just 1GB, so they'd be paying more without me there. From my end, based on my use I'd pay less with Ting or something, but without the perk of, if I do go over, it's not an issue unless everyone in the family goes over. From that perspective, I'm subsidizing my parents' phone bill on average.