Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1577902 times)

Aelias

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 233
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3300 on: July 17, 2017, 02:46:38 PM »
ok . . . not totally sure what I stepped into in this thread (pun very much intended), but back to relatives . . .

My inlaws are visiting.  This always brings up anti-mustachian moments.

1) They showed up with massive bags full of plastic trinkets and junk food that we do not want and nobody needs.

2) We went grocery shopping on sunday, because the salad / stir-fry / grilled stuff rotation my husband and I enjoy is too "exotic" for them.  We spent $150 on groceries for a week!  That's twice what we usually spend!

3) My MIL is a borderline gambling addict who routinely blows $200-$300 per casino visit.  They stopped at 2 on their drive over here and will stop at 2 on their drive back.  I only say borderline because she (for the moment) is able to stop herself at a designated spend amount.

4) We have to keep a portable air conditioner in the guest room for their use.  We never use AC for ourselves.

5) My FIL wants us to buy a gas-powered mower for our yard, which is the size of a postage stamp.

The list goes on . . . 

And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  He says he puts $50 a month per kid into a 509 plan and that's it. HOW IS THAT FUCKING POSSIBLE?  I cannot get my head around it.  Sure, I know his wife is on the spendy side--but I have mentally tallied their expenses and I just cannot reckon it.  They don't have a crazy house or cars. They don't take outrageous vacations. I know they have a weakness for organic food, but food doesn't cost that much.  Is it the crunchy preschool? What the hell?

I mean, we're high earners and we have puh-lenty of anti-mustachian spending.  But without really trying, we're saving around 50% of our income.  How is he saving none?

My best bet is that the BIL is exaggerating.  Maybe he makes a little less and saves a little more than he's claiming.  Maybe he's not counting his 401(K) contributions or something.  But this has always been the narrative--he works super hard and makes good money, but they're always strapped.  Are you familiar with the old robot expression, "Does not compute"?

Pooperman

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2901
  • Age: 28
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3301 on: July 17, 2017, 03:06:13 PM »
food doesn't cost that much.

They probably eat out a lot. That can get expensive really quickly.

mtn

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3302 on: July 17, 2017, 03:19:06 PM »
ok . . . not totally sure what I stepped into in this thread (pun very much intended), but back to relatives . . .

My inlaws are visiting.  This always brings up anti-mustachian moments.

1) They showed up with massive bags full of plastic trinkets and junk food that we do not want and nobody needs.

2) We went grocery shopping on sunday, because the salad / stir-fry / grilled stuff rotation my husband and I enjoy is too "exotic" for them.  We spent $150 on groceries for a week!  That's twice what we usually spend!

3) My MIL is a borderline gambling addict who routinely blows $200-$300 per casino visit.  They stopped at 2 on their drive over here and will stop at 2 on their drive back.  I only say borderline because she (for the moment) is able to stop herself at a designated spend amount.

4) We have to keep a portable air conditioner in the guest room for their use.  We never use AC for ourselves.

5) My FIL wants us to buy a gas-powered mower for our yard, which is the size of a postage stamp.

The list goes on . . . 

And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  He says he puts $50 a month per kid into a 509 plan and that's it. HOW IS THAT FUCKING POSSIBLE?  I cannot get my head around it.  Sure, I know his wife is on the spendy side--but I have mentally tallied their expenses and I just cannot reckon it.  They don't have a crazy house or cars. They don't take outrageous vacations. I know they have a weakness for organic food, but food doesn't cost that much.  Is it the crunchy preschool? What the hell?

I mean, we're high earners and we have puh-lenty of anti-mustachian spending.  But without really trying, we're saving around 50% of our income.  How is he saving none?

My best bet is that the BIL is exaggerating.  Maybe he makes a little less and saves a little more than he's claiming.  Maybe he's not counting his 401(K) contributions or something.  But this has always been the narrative--he works super hard and makes good money, but they're always strapped.  Are you familiar with the old robot expression, "Does not compute"?

My wife and I struggle each month, and are only saving towards our 401k/403b's, and the student loan. I think we're saving virtually nothing, but in reality it is over $15k a year. It just seems like virtually nothing to me.

Oh, and even though we're struggling, if you assume that we're net $0 on our mortgage and car loan (probably actually about $1k above water on the car and $8k on the home), we have a net worth of about $72,000... Its just locked up in 401k's and 403b's.  Yet we say that we're "broke" because we don't have the funds to do things.

Note: There are many extenuating circumstances in our situation. We really should pull back on our 401k contributions for a few months, I just can't pull myself to do it.

BDWW

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 414
  • Location: MT
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3303 on: July 17, 2017, 03:20:25 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.

Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.

I was gifted a small amount of land when I was 5 or 6 years old, I think. Title in my name. Ohio sounds terrible.

The age of majority is 18 or older in every state. Each state has specific exceptions for certain scenarios(such as marriage and emancipation), but if not specifically excepted by law,  you cannot enter a legal contract until that age. As in reference to "your" land, you would be what is called a "minor in title." Essentially you might own the land, but you couldn't sell or do anything with it until the age of majority. i.e. if you tried to sell it, the contract would/could be void.

/IANAL

Gondolin

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 534
  • Location: Northern VA
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3304 on: July 17, 2017, 03:27:44 PM »
Will no one commiserate over my aunt who just bought a $600k, 5 bedroom, 5 bath mansion to live in... alone?

She's 63 and is bringing her boat that is too large for her to use solo. The kicker? The dock at her new place is rotted so she'll pay to keep the boat in the marina while she spends 20k rebuilding the dock. For reasons listed above, this boat is used maybe 3-4 times per year.

RWD

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2630
  • Location: Mississippi
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3305 on: July 17, 2017, 03:38:02 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.

Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.

I was gifted a small amount of land when I was 5 or 6 years old, I think. Title in my name. Ohio sounds terrible.

The age of majority is 18 or older in every state. Each state has specific exceptions for certain scenarios(such as marriage and emancipation), but if not specifically excepted by law,  you cannot enter a legal contract until that age. As in reference to "your" land, you would be what is called a "minor in title." Essentially you might own the land, but you couldn't sell or do anything with it until the age of majority. i.e. if you tried to sell it, the contract would/could be void.

/IANAL

Makes sense. I tried Googling for more info on these laws but wasn't coming up with much, though what I did find agrees with the idea that minors can own property but can't enter legal contracts. In my case the land was gifted to me from relatives. I just took a look at my scan of the warranty deed from when the land was gifted to me. It only has my relatives' signatures on it.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2017, 07:45:32 AM by RWD »

Ann

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 214
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3306 on: July 17, 2017, 04:07:03 PM »
Will no one commiserate over my aunt who just bought a $600k, 5 bedroom, 5 bath mansion to live in... alone?

She's 63 and is bringing her boat that is too large for her to use solo. The kicker? The dock at her new place is rotted so she'll pay to keep the boat in the marina while she spends 20k rebuilding the dock. For reasons listed above, this boat is used maybe 3-4 times per year.

Woah.  Will she get a maid to help her keep it clean?  Will she buy new furniture to fill rooms?

I am glad they I didn't inflate my standard of living immediately. I learned that one bedroom is enough for one person.  Two bedrooms would be okay if I were the type or person who had a lot of guests or projecty-hobbies.  I would get spooked in a 5 bedroom house!! I would at my phone down in one room and spend 30 minutes looking for it!

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5967
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3307 on: July 17, 2017, 04:07:32 PM »
Quote
Dude, the wall of text about

Dude, give it up. You made a bad snap judgement - it happens to all of us. But now that you've been shut down hard, saying "lol wall of text" is the lamest misdirect I've seen in a while.

It's not a misdirect. He's literally posting paragraphs rambling about how he's not his kids' best friend and how it's time to put away barbies and teddy bears, blah blah blah.

But I am stepping away. Getting in a pissing contest with an internet tough guy isn't on my to-do list.

When you find an "internet tough guy" feel free to have a pissing contest. Because, you didn't find any here. Any pissing contest, or evidence of some tough guy personna are things you assigned to the conversation. Before you go blasting away at anybody else over parenting failures, don't forget that you describe one of your parents as engaging in bizarre behavior and being mentally ill, and obviously have some unresolved issues in that department. Second, try to keep in mind that you aren't even old enough to HAVE a teenager, and when and if that times comes, you WILL have a far different understanding of how knowledgeable and competent you are at the task. I succeeded, and know damn well that many others did a far better job than I. I also personally know many of my kid's friends, and have seen many several slow motion train wrecks. The fact that these parents are the type that would of been (and probably are) horrified by how we raised our kids, is a valuable piece of the puzzle.

Glad you're pleased with yourself.

When other people compare your actions to those of the mentally ill, that's typically a sign to reevaluate your choices.

My age has nothing to do with the fact that with every post you are making yourself seem more unhinged. This is my last reply on this subject. Have a good life bro.
You seem to be one of the few (only?) people who thinks he's unhinged.

Gondolin

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 534
  • Location: Northern VA
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3308 on: July 17, 2017, 04:14:02 PM »
Quote
Woah.  Will she get a maid to help her keep it clean?  Will she buy new furniture to fill rooms?

No - she'll spend some tens of thousands to ship all her current furniture half way across the country. Don't know about the maid.

Dezrah

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 456
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3309 on: July 17, 2017, 05:33:34 PM »

You seem to be one of the few (only?) people who thinks he's unhinged.

You're wrong about this.

ixtap

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1278
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3310 on: July 17, 2017, 05:41:38 PM »
Will no one commiserate over my aunt who just bought a $600k, 5 bedroom, 5 bath mansion to live in... alone?

She's 63 and is bringing her boat that is too large for her to use solo. The kicker? The dock at her new place is rotted so she'll pay to keep the boat in the marina while she spends 20k rebuilding the dock. For reasons listed above, this boat is used maybe 3-4 times per year.

My in laws are looking for something like this. Heck, if they could find it for $600k around them, they would probably already have it.

I say what they really need is a small resort. That way they can rent units out most of the time and still have space for all of the grandkids.

LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1841
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3311 on: July 17, 2017, 06:03:01 PM »
I have mad respect for you, paddedhat, and always enjoy reading your contributions.  You remind me of my other MMM fav, TheGrimSqueaker.

AlanStache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1778
  • Age: 39
  • Location: South East Virginia
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3312 on: July 17, 2017, 06:27:47 PM »
...
And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  ...

Could your BIL get large year end bonuses where his month to month income is "low" but then is handed a large check that promptly gets spend on a truck "upgrade"?  Or as we all know buying lots of random plastic crap adds up.

padded hat - you are welcome to have a beer on my deck any time but please do not look on my bedroom floor.  or my office floor.  or in the garage.  or in the breakfast nook.  or... :-)   Actually I am fairly minimalist but the floor seems a perfectly good place to store the jeans I wore today that I will wear tomorrow. 

OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

SwordGuy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4462
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
    • Flipping Fayetteville
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3313 on: July 17, 2017, 06:47:34 PM »
I have mad respect for you, paddedhat, and always enjoy reading your contributions.  You remind me of my other MMM fav, TheGrimSqueaker.

Ditto.

PaddedHat, I related your stories to a friend at work today over lunch.

She said she and her siblings were somewhat cerebral when they were younger, so they could imagine the punishment coming down the road without having to actually receive it.

Her husband, on the other hand freely admits that as a teenager, he had to be hit in order to get his attention.   Words wouldn't do it.

Kids are people.  What works for most won't work for all.  Some of them will get some dumb shit idea into their head that just filters out any and all reasonable positions from further consideration.   Some of them will be so very stubborn and defiant that they simply cannot be reasoned with in a polite manner.   As a parent, you do what needs doing or you fail your child.   You don't have to like it - and they most certainly don't have to like it.  It's certainly a plus if everyone is having a good time, but that's not a parent's job #1.  Preparing a child to be a responsible adult, capable of taking care of themselves and whatever family they set up for themselves is job #1.

I wish my MIL and FIL had spent some quality time being real hard-asses on my SIL when she was still a teen.   She wouldn't be the completely self-centered, 60 yr old manipulative ass wipe she **still** is had they done their job.   And she would likely have turned out much happier and much better adjusted, too.  At least she would still have family that will talk to her.

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 9117
  • Location: Australia
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3314 on: July 17, 2017, 06:48:04 PM »

You seem to be one of the few (only?) people who thinks he's unhinged.

You're wrong about this.

+1

charis

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1639
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3315 on: July 17, 2017, 08:05:21 PM »

You seem to be one of the few (only?) people who thinks he's unhinged.

You're wrong about this.

+1

Still a few by my count.  You don't have to agree with it (I would never do this, for the record), but "unhinged?" How many of you have teenagers?

ixtap

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1278
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3316 on: July 17, 2017, 08:12:02 PM »

You seem to be one of the few (only?) people who thinks he's unhinged.

You're wrong about this.

+1

Still a few by my count.  You don't have to agree with it (I would never do this, for the record), but "unhinged?" How many of you have teenagers?

Throwing it in the yard was bizarre, the dog shit was unhinged. Throwing it away is a natural consequence that did not require either of the previous steps.

LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1841
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3317 on: July 17, 2017, 08:28:04 PM »
Will no one commiserate over my aunt who just bought a $600k, 5 bedroom, 5 bath mansion to live in... alone?

She's 63 and is bringing her boat that is too large for her to use solo. The kicker? The dock at her new place is rotted so she'll pay to keep the boat in the marina while she spends 20k rebuilding the dock. For reasons listed above, this boat is used maybe 3-4 times per year.

Gondolin, I am always amused by your posts about your aunt. She sure sounds like something else!

Pooperman

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2901
  • Age: 28
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3318 on: July 17, 2017, 08:43:55 PM »
...
And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  ...

Could your BIL get large year end bonuses where his month to month income is "low" but then is handed a large check that promptly gets spend on a truck "upgrade"?  Or as we all know buying lots of random plastic crap adds up.

padded hat - you are welcome to have a beer on my deck any time but please do not look on my bedroom floor.  or my office floor.  or in the garage.  or in the breakfast nook.  or... :-)   Actually I am fairly minimalist but the floor seems a perfectly good place to store the jeans I wore today that I will wear tomorrow. 

OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Might just be the jeans on the floor ;)

babybug

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 381
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3319 on: July 17, 2017, 10:15:05 PM »
Team paddlehat here!!!

Some kids (and adults) just need to be spoken to in the language they understand.

Sent from my KIW-L24 using Tapatalk


AlanStache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1778
  • Age: 39
  • Location: South East Virginia
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3320 on: July 18, 2017, 05:49:32 AM »
Quote
...
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Might just be the jeans on the floor ;)

Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

edit: fixed quotes.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 06:14:10 AM by AlanStache »

Raenia

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 644
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3321 on: July 18, 2017, 06:05:59 AM »
Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

I have a designated spot (happens to be on top of my trunk of winter clothes) where I keep items that have been work but can be worn again.  I also use it to lay out what I plan to wear the next day, so I can get out the door faster to get to work.  Keeps them off the floor and not getting wrinkled.

Pooperman

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2901
  • Age: 28
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3322 on: July 18, 2017, 06:39:16 AM »
Quote
...
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Might just be the jeans on the floor ;)

Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

edit: fixed quotes.

I also leave my pants/pajamas right next to the bed on the floor for re-use until they need to be washed (at which point they go into the hamper). On the other hand, I'm already married ;).

JordanOfGilead

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 428
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3323 on: July 18, 2017, 06:48:04 AM »
Quote
...
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Might just be the jeans on the floor ;)

Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

edit: fixed quotes.
I hang mine on the corner of the footboard of my bed, but yeah, I'll wear jeans until they look or smell dirty. Until then, they're perfectly fine. Of course, I treat all of my clothes like that.

Jeans - max 1 week of daily wear
Button-up (with undershirt) - 4-5 uses
undergarments (socks, boxers, undershirt) - 1 use only (for obvious reasons)
t-shirt - 2-3 days as long as I don't sweat a lot and am not around the same people
work trousers - max 2 days

Rural

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4661
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3324 on: July 18, 2017, 06:58:22 AM »
Quote
...
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Might just be the jeans on the floor ;)

Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

edit: fixed quotes.


Mine go on top of my dresser for the next day, but then, I have a cat with some brain damage and there's a small but nonzero chance that anything wadded on the floor may get peed on.

marielle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 863
  • Age: 25
  • Location: South Carolina
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3325 on: July 18, 2017, 07:00:14 AM »
Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

I have a designated spot (happens to be on top of my trunk of winter clothes) where I keep items that have been work but can be worn again.  I also use it to lay out what I plan to wear the next day, so I can get out the door faster to get to work.  Keeps them off the floor and not getting wrinkled.

But what do you do if you're a minimalist and don't have a dresser or night stand? I guess floor it is for me!

Jouer

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 333
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3326 on: July 18, 2017, 07:14:46 AM »
Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

I have a designated spot (happens to be on top of my trunk of winter clothes) where I keep items that have been work but can be worn again.  I also use it to lay out what I plan to wear the next day, so I can get out the door faster to get to work.  Keeps them off the floor and not getting wrinkled.

But what do you do if you're a minimalist and don't have a dresser or night stand? I guess floor it is for me!

I just hang my pants up again. Or put shorts back in their drawer or shelf. Pajama pants that will be reworn are folded on my side of the bed.

YogiKitti

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 883
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3327 on: July 18, 2017, 07:57:01 AM »
Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

I have a designated spot (happens to be on top of my trunk of winter clothes) where I keep items that have been work but can be worn again.  I also use it to lay out what I plan to wear the next day, so I can get out the door faster to get to work.  Keeps them off the floor and not getting wrinkled.

But what do you do if you're a minimalist and don't have a dresser or night stand? I guess floor it is for me!

I have the right side of my closet designated for worn but still wearable clothes.

Cookie78

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1858
  • Location: Canada
    • Cookie's Goals
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3328 on: July 18, 2017, 08:35:51 AM »
Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

I have a designated spot (happens to be on top of my trunk of winter clothes) where I keep items that have been work but can be worn again.  I also use it to lay out what I plan to wear the next day, so I can get out the door faster to get to work.  Keeps them off the floor and not getting wrinkled.

But what do you do if you're a minimalist and don't have a dresser or night stand? I guess floor it is for me!

I have the right side of my closet designated for worn but still wearable clothes.

Similar for me. Left side shelf in the closet. Anything that ends up on the floor quickly gets covered in dog hair even though I sweep the floor every day.

ducky19

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 476
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3329 on: July 18, 2017, 09:04:09 AM »
Why not agree to disagree, apologize for the insult, and move on before the mods get involved?

infogoon

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 839
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3330 on: July 18, 2017, 10:41:00 AM »
Team paddlehat here!!!

Some kids (and adults) just need to be spoken to in the language they understand.


Turns out her "love language" was dogshit.

Gondolin

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 534
  • Location: Northern VA
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3331 on: July 18, 2017, 10:51:51 AM »
Quote
She sure sounds like something else!

She has led a very interesting life. She just struggles with some self-esteem and financial education issues that drive the rest of the family nuts.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2046
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3332 on: July 18, 2017, 10:54:35 AM »
Ok, just picked them up... and put them on.  Do you all really wash jeans after one day?  How do you store them for a second day if not on the floor?  big questions here! :-)

I have a designated spot (happens to be on top of my trunk of winter clothes) where I keep items that have been work but can be worn again.  I also use it to lay out what I plan to wear the next day, so I can get out the door faster to get to work.  Keeps them off the floor and not getting wrinkled.

But what do you do if you're a minimalist and don't have a dresser or night stand? I guess floor it is for me!

I have the right side of my closet designated for worn but still wearable clothes.

Similar for me. Left side shelf in the closet. Anything that ends up on the floor quickly gets covered in dog hair even though I sweep the floor every day.
+1 for the special shelf club. I bought one of those cheap wire shelves and put it on my wall near my closet. Anything that's been worn but is still clean gets folded up and put there. It's in plain sight, it's not in with the "freshly washed" stuff occupying a drawer or the closet, and it's easily accessible. If, on further examination, it's got a stain or mark I didn't notice, I toss it in the laundry bin.

fluffmuffin

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 285
  • Location: VA
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3333 on: July 18, 2017, 11:40:34 AM »
Just discovered this thread...I'm sure my father is going to be making lots of appearances. Here's the most recent facepalm.

He sold a property in 2016 and netted ~$60k. He used most of it to pay down debts, which is great; treated himself to a vacation, which I have no real issues with since he works harder than anyone I know and was long overdue for a mental health break; and then blew the rest on nonsense. By April 2017, he only had about $2,000 left. He decided he was going to use it to buy an RV, despite never having expressed any interest in owning an RV, not enjoying camping, and not being the sort of person who wants to up sticks away from his business and snowbird his way around the US. I tried to talk through all of that with him, and also floated the idea of him saving the $2,000 for a rainy day, but he was adamant that he was buying the RV because he was getting such a great deal.

In June, he asked me for a $2,000 loan to explore a new business venture. I asked how that $2,000 RV was working out.

The icing on the cake is that he makes ~$165k/year, so over $200k in 2016 with the property sale. I work in education and only recently got to $45k. One of us is perennially broke and scrambling at the end of the month; one of us has savings and never has to wonder if they have enough money to pay their bills. I will leave it to your imagination to figure out which lifestyle goes with which salary.

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3141
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3334 on: July 18, 2017, 01:31:56 PM »
Seriously, none of you guys have The Chair? I thought that was pretty much the universal place to store worn-but-still-clean-enough clothes.

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2812
  • Location: State: Denial
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3335 on: July 18, 2017, 01:36:17 PM »
Seriously, none of you guys have The Chair? I thought that was pretty much the universal place to store worn-but-still-clean-enough clothes.
Of course we have a chair.  Where else are we going to store all those useless froo-froo decorative pillows that we have to remove in order to actually use the bed?

dandarc

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3194
  • Age: 36
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3336 on: July 18, 2017, 01:38:12 PM »
Just discovered this thread...I'm sure my father is going to be making lots of appearances. Here's the most recent facepalm.

He sold a property in 2016 and netted ~$60k. He used most of it to pay down debts, which is great; treated himself to a vacation, which I have no real issues with since he works harder than anyone I know and was long overdue for a mental health break; and then blew the rest on nonsense. By April 2017, he only had about $2,000 left. He decided he was going to use it to buy an RV, despite never having expressed any interest in owning an RV, not enjoying camping, and not being the sort of person who wants to up sticks away from his business and snowbird his way around the US. I tried to talk through all of that with him, and also floated the idea of him saving the $2,000 for a rainy day, but he was adamant that he was buying the RV because he was getting such a great deal.

In June, he asked me for a $2,000 loan to explore a new business venture. I asked how that $2,000 RV was working out.

The icing on the cake is that he makes ~$165k/year, so over $200k in 2016 with the property sale. I work in education and only recently got to $45k. One of us is perennially broke and scrambling at the end of the month; one of us has savings and never has to wonder if they have enough money to pay their bills. I will leave it to your imagination to figure out which lifestyle goes with which salary.
To paraphrase Dave Ramsey - Sounds like your dad has tried to out-earn his stupidity and failed.

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3220
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3337 on: July 18, 2017, 01:42:25 PM »
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Eh, depends. No furniture at all? That's a little odd. No dining room table, but other arrangements are reasonable? I'm good with that.

Granted, I'm on this site.

marielle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 863
  • Age: 25
  • Location: South Carolina
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3338 on: July 18, 2017, 01:52:40 PM »
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Eh, depends. No furniture at all? That's a little odd. No dining room table, but other arrangements are reasonable? I'm good with that.

Granted, I'm on this site.

One of my former roommates basically had no furniture. No couch, table, etc because he's not really home a lot (always doing something with friends or working). Not even a bed. He prefers to sleep without one because it's better for his back. I actually furnished the room he was staying in too, wish I knew that wasn't really necessary!

ixtap

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1278
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3339 on: July 18, 2017, 02:17:47 PM »
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Eh, depends. No furniture at all? That's a little odd. No dining room table, but other arrangements are reasonable? I'm good with that.

Granted, I'm on this site.

I once had a guy insist that he was going to buy me a table. I didn't want a table. The place had an awkward layout. I was happy eating at the coffee table or the desk. I knew I would only be living there for a year and didn't know where I would be going after that. I had to have a fight to not be given a table. We had a similar fight about not getting flowers, due to allergies. He didn't last long.

Dollar Slice

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3843
  • Age: 41
  • Location: New York City
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3340 on: July 18, 2017, 02:40:27 PM »
I once had a guy insist that he was going to buy me a table. I didn't want a table. The place had an awkward layout. I was happy eating at the coffee table or the desk. I knew I would only be living there for a year and didn't know where I would be going after that. I had to have a fight to not be given a table. We had a similar fight about not getting flowers, due to allergies. He didn't last long.

My first apartment out of college... in the smallish living room I had a nice new couch, a coffee table that I'd repainted, and a nice glider rocking chair (with cushions, pretty comfy). I was dating a guy who apparently secretly thought I needed a real armchair instead of the rocker. So one day he showed up and said hey, I bought a chair at the Goodwill near your place, do you mind helping me carry it over here and then I'll borrow a car and come get it? I said sure. We went to pick it up and it was a really bulky chair with a hideous floral pattern. And we had to pick up and carry that fucker three-quarters of a mile on foot. Ugh. After a couple of weeks I bugged him about getting a car to come pick it up, and that's when he revealed his secret plan, which was to get the thing into my apartment and then say it was a gift all along, when it's too late to say no. :-/

Sometimes you don't see these relationship red flags until you've got the 20/20 hindsight going on...

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1400
  • Age: 1818
  • Location: CO
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3341 on: July 18, 2017, 02:45:39 PM »
These poor guys. They probably have no idea what went wrong. They're doing the most helpful things they can think of to show their love, but it just isn't good enough.

ixtap

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1278
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3342 on: July 18, 2017, 02:48:33 PM »
These poor guys. They probably have no idea what went wrong. They're doing the most helpful things they can think of to show their love, but it just isn't good enough.

That was precisely this guy's problem. He often told me that he already knew what women liked, as a way of telling me I was wrong about my preferences.

AlanStache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1778
  • Age: 39
  • Location: South East Virginia
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3343 on: July 18, 2017, 03:35:05 PM »
OT: Talked with my parent last weekend and we were discussing my now ex-GF and her impending move-out.  Parent thinks I need to buy furniture as much of it will be leaving with the ex-gf.  Just because the room will fit them I dont need two couches.  I thought I would be saving on utilities and food with her move-out but maybe not.  Apparently I wont be able to get a new GF without a dinning room table.

Eh, depends. No furniture at all? That's a little odd. No dining room table, but other arrangements are reasonable? I'm good with that.

Granted, I'm on this site.

I once had a guy insist that he was going to buy me a table. I didn't want a table. The place had an awkward layout. I was happy eating at the coffee table or the desk. I knew I would only be living there for a year and didn't know where I would be going after that. I had to have a fight to not be given a table. We had a similar fight about not getting flowers, due to allergies. He didn't last long.

95% of what I use the ex-gf's dinning room table for is as a place to set my Chrome book when it is charging.  On the other hand without a table there I will likely hit my head on the hanging light... I mostly eat on the deck - why would I not?

I do have a bed/dresser but no chair suitable for holding cloths that is not clean but not yet in need of washing.  Will have to see how things look and feel to determine what I 'need' to acquire.

TartanTallulah

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 520
  • Location: The Middle of Scenic Nowhere
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3344 on: July 18, 2017, 08:22:14 PM »




3) My MIL is a borderline gambling addict who routinely blows $200-$300 per casino visit.  They stopped at 2 on their drive over here and will stop at 2 on their drive back.  I only say borderline because she (for the moment) is able to stop herself at a designated spend amount.

And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  He says he puts $50 a month per kid into a 509 plan and that's it. HOW IS THAT FUCKING POSSIBLE?  I cannot get my head around it.

My best bet is that the BIL is exaggerating.  Maybe he makes a little less and saves a little more than he's claiming.  Maybe he's not counting his 401(K) contributions or something.  But this has always been the narrative--he works super hard and makes good money, but they're always strapped.  Are you familiar with the old robot expression, "Does not compute"?

Could BIL be a gambler too? That's an efficient way to shred a large paycheck, and there are many ways to be a gambling addict without it being obvious.

With This Herring

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1215
  • Location: New York STATE, not city
  • TANSTAAFL!
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3345 on: July 18, 2017, 09:36:01 PM »
I once had a guy insist that he was going to buy me a table. I didn't want a table. The place had an awkward layout. I was happy eating at the coffee table or the desk. I knew I would only be living there for a year and didn't know where I would be going after that. I had to have a fight to not be given a table. We had a similar fight about not getting flowers, due to allergies. He didn't last long.

My first apartment out of college... in the smallish living room I had a nice new couch, a coffee table that I'd repainted, and a nice glider rocking chair (with cushions, pretty comfy). I was dating a guy who apparently secretly thought I needed a real armchair instead of the rocker. So one day he showed up and said hey, I bought a chair at the Goodwill near your place, do you mind helping me carry it over here and then I'll borrow a car and come get it? I said sure. We went to pick it up and it was a really bulky chair with a hideous floral pattern. And we had to pick up and carry that fucker three-quarters of a mile on foot. Ugh. After a couple of weeks I bugged him about getting a car to come pick it up, and that's when he revealed his secret plan, which was to get the thing into my apartment and then say it was a gift all along, when it's too late to say no. :-/

Sometimes you don't see these relationship red flags until you've got the 20/20 hindsight going on...

Wow, you two really dodged a bullet.  This Etiquette Hell story could have been your futures.

Step37

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 360
  • Age: 44
  • Location: AB, Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3346 on: July 18, 2017, 09:47:01 PM »
Seriously, none of you guys have The Chair? I thought that was pretty much the universal place to store worn-but-still-clean-enough clothes.

Hahaha!! I have a couple of multi-peg hooks that hang in my *closet* (actually a small bedroom/ridiculous/need to downsize wardrobe/face punch) for this purpose. There's also a chair in there, but it's a small one. The clothes stay less wrinkly when I'm not squashing them as I put on my socks...

NoVa

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 122
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3347 on: July 18, 2017, 10:27:17 PM »
I once had a guy insist that he was going to buy me a table. I didn't want a table. The place had an awkward layout. I was happy eating at the coffee table or the desk. I knew I would only be living there for a year and didn't know where I would be going after that. I had to have a fight to not be given a table. We had a similar fight about not getting flowers, due to allergies. He didn't last long.

My first apartment out of college... in the smallish living room I had a nice new couch, a coffee table that I'd repainted, and a nice glider rocking chair (with cushions, pretty comfy). I was dating a guy who apparently secretly thought I needed a real armchair instead of the rocker. So one day he showed up and said hey, I bought a chair at the Goodwill near your place, do you mind helping me carry it over here and then I'll borrow a car and come get it? I said sure. We went to pick it up and it was a really bulky chair with a hideous floral pattern. And we had to pick up and carry that fucker three-quarters of a mile on foot. Ugh. After a couple of weeks I bugged him about getting a car to come pick it up, and that's when he revealed his secret plan, which was to get the thing into my apartment and then say it was a gift all along, when it's too late to say no. :-/

Sometimes you don't see these relationship red flags until you've got the 20/20 hindsight going on...

Occasionally it works out OK, though. Not the deception part, that is universally bad.

I had two friends of mine who had just graduated from college and had gotten an apartment together to save money. I was spending a bunch of time over there, and there was a lot of empty space. The big lack for me was music, and I just happened to have an entire nice stereo setup I wasn't using, because I was also sharing a condo, but my roommate had a nice stereo. So one day I backed a van up to the sliding glass door and unloaded and setup the stereo for them to use, no strings attached. Did I mention it was a really nice setup? Separate amp and pre-amp, high end turntable and really nice speakers. I would up marrying one of them, but to this day she says I have ruined a lot of music for her, because before she never noticed how bad most systems sounded, but now she can hear the difference.

cavewoman

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 522
  • Age: 32
  • I'm a woman who likes caves
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3348 on: July 19, 2017, 07:24:51 AM »
Wow, you two really dodged a bullet.  This Etiquette Hell story could have been your futures.

Well thank you for that site, looks like a fun place to binge read and feed my drama llama :)

mtn

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3349 on: July 19, 2017, 08:32:33 AM »
I once had a guy insist that he was going to buy me a table. I didn't want a table. The place had an awkward layout. I was happy eating at the coffee table or the desk. I knew I would only be living there for a year and didn't know where I would be going after that. I had to have a fight to not be given a table. We had a similar fight about not getting flowers, due to allergies. He didn't last long.

My first apartment out of college... in the smallish living room I had a nice new couch, a coffee table that I'd repainted, and a nice glider rocking chair (with cushions, pretty comfy). I was dating a guy who apparently secretly thought I needed a real armchair instead of the rocker. So one day he showed up and said hey, I bought a chair at the Goodwill near your place, do you mind helping me carry it over here and then I'll borrow a car and come get it? I said sure. We went to pick it up and it was a really bulky chair with a hideous floral pattern. And we had to pick up and carry that fucker three-quarters of a mile on foot. Ugh. After a couple of weeks I bugged him about getting a car to come pick it up, and that's when he revealed his secret plan, which was to get the thing into my apartment and then say it was a gift all along, when it's too late to say no. :-/

Sometimes you don't see these relationship red flags until you've got the 20/20 hindsight going on...

Occasionally it works out OK, though. Not the deception part, that is universally bad.

I had two friends of mine who had just graduated from college and had gotten an apartment together to save money. I was spending a bunch of time over there, and there was a lot of empty space. The big lack for me was music, and I just happened to have an entire nice stereo setup I wasn't using, because I was also sharing a condo, but my roommate had a nice stereo. So one day I backed a van up to the sliding glass door and unloaded and setup the stereo for them to use, no strings attached. Did I mention it was a really nice setup? Separate amp and pre-amp, high end turntable and really nice speakers. I would up marrying one of them, but to this day she says I have ruined a lot of music for her, because before she never noticed how bad most systems sounded, but now she can hear the difference.

Mind me asking what equipment it was? I've got a mostly-vintage setup right now with Rotel amp, Amber pre-amp, Denon turntable, Onkyo tuner, and B&W speakers. When my wife heard the setup for the first time, she was astounded at how good the music could sound.