Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 3478736 times)

oldladystache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3250 on: July 15, 2017, 07:35:49 PM »
one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

LeRainDrop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3251 on: July 15, 2017, 11:01:18 PM »
I remember the first time I came into California when I moved here - I was so nervous when I got stopped, had no idea what they were looking for, and I had some apples and oranges from the hotel breakfast!  They still let me in, though :)

one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

This whole time, I thought we were using "produce" as a euphemism for another sort of plant.  I'll be a monkey's uncle!

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3252 on: July 16, 2017, 06:56:37 AM »

Now this sounds like a good story, more than fitting for the Wall of Shame and Comedy. Would you care to expand on it for our entertainment?

My then 18-year-old brother decided he wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail. Fine, said Daddy. It'll be good for you. I'll outfit you with gear. Here's a LL Bean catalog.

So we drop him off along the trail and wave goodbye. A few weeks later we get a call. He needs money. Daddy asks why.

Sibling got tired of hiking, hitched a ride with some people he met, and left all his stuff on the side of the road.

It's actually a pretty well-known phenomenon with people enamored with through-hiking the AT without sufficient experience. Gear up heavily, and realize they either can't make it with that heavy of a gear load (ditching stuff along the way and continuing) or can't make it at all and ditch everything.

I've heard that the Georgia section is a good place to pick up free gear in the spring....

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3253 on: July 16, 2017, 06:57:29 AM »
one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

Happened to us at the Canadian border. Brought some nice home-grown cherry tomatoes to share with our friends getting married up in Canada. Ended up eating them all...

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3254 on: July 16, 2017, 07:13:01 AM »
And I don't see how cars, designer clothes, etc should count as assets because the 529 is.  The 529 is a tax advantaged savings plan with the specific purpose of paying for higher education.

He's saying he is penalized on the financial aid because his family did the right thing and saved money instead of blowing it on stupid shit. It is a good point, and one of the inherent problems with "means testing". I suppose one way around it is to liquidate your accounts and buy gold a couple years before your kids start filling out college forms?
If you still have space, just Roth it all. Most colleges don't count retirement accounts, and you can access the contributions if you need it.

cavewoman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3255 on: July 16, 2017, 08:21:11 AM »
I remember the first time I came into California when I moved here - I was so nervous when I got stopped, had no idea what they were looking for, and I had some apples and oranges from the hotel breakfast!  They still let me in, though :)

one of my earliest childhood memories. Driving cross country with the family, we were stopped at the California border and asked if we had any fruits or nuts. As it happened we had just bought a big bag of beautiful cherries. They wouldn't let us bring them in, so we parked just outside California and ate all the cherries. It took us quite a while.

This whole time, I thought we were using "produce" as a euphemism for another sort of plant.  I'll be a monkey's uncle!

Erm, I didn't write it, but part of the reason I was nervous is because I had a personal amount of that other "produce"!  It was in the trunk jammed with all my life's possessions. (young and dumb.  just dumb.  but yeah)

TartanTallulah

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3256 on: July 16, 2017, 12:06:56 PM »
When my youngest daughter was born, I must have asked her fairy godmother to bless her by making her the opposite of her ill-tempered, workshy tightwad father, because she's always been the most delightful kid ever, she has a tremendous work ethic, and she's very generous but if she had a superpower it would be finding pointless crap to spend her money on. Her room is shelf upon shelf of scented candles, bath bombs, trinkets and cosmetics, most of it untouched.

She'll be going to college in September.

She has recently started to suffer from an allergy, almost certainly to the house dust mite.

I saw an opportunity. "You can change your bedding and vacuum the floor as much as you like, but it's pointless when your room is lined with shelves of dust magnets," I said. "Would you like me to help you to sell some of it? It'll make your room easier to clean properly and it'll give you some extra money for when you go to college."

"NO! It's MINE!" she wailed.

I'll give her time to think about it, and then warn her that any tchotchke that's left when she goes to college is fair game for a yard sale.

Ann

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3257 on: July 16, 2017, 12:43:23 PM »
When my youngest daughter was born, I must have asked her fairy godmother to bless her by making her the opposite of her ill-tempered, workshy tightwad father, because she's always been the most delightful kid ever, she has a tremendous work ethic, and she's very generous but if she had a superpower it would be finding pointless crap to spend her money on. Her room is shelf upon shelf of scented candles, bath bombs, trinkets and cosmetics, most of it untouched.

She'll be going to college in September.

She has recently started to suffer from an allergy, almost certainly to the house dust mite.

I saw an opportunity. "You can change your bedding and vacuum the floor as much as you like, but it's pointless when your room is lined with shelves of dust magnets," I said. "Would you like me to help you to sell some of it? It'll make your room easier to clean properly and it'll give you some extra money for when you go to college."

"NO! It's MINE!" she wailed.

I'll give her time to think about it, and then warn her that any tchotchke that's left when she goes to college is fair game for a yard sale.

Wow!  I think that's pretty fair solution!  You aren't just tossing her stuff like she doesn't matter, but you aren't going to let her use your house like a free climate-controlled storage facility!   I'm curious: will you let her keep some things in a "safe zone", like a big plastic bin or something?  Two things from my own college experience:
1. I completely abused my parents good will and used their house (well my old room) as storage for waaaay too long . . . like 8 years after I graduated.  :-(   They didn't seem to care (repeatedly said they didn't) but that just was very unmotivating to sort through it all.  They totally could have had that room as usable space if I hadn't been so selfish.  They STILL don't use it very much, but at least it's not my "fault".
2.  But!  It was very helpful to have storage for my winter clothes  while I lived in a tiny shared dorm room.  And I am grateful I was able to keep old books and fragile things I *definitely* wanted to keep but did NOT want to haul back and forth 4 times a year (must vacate dorms completely before/after summer semesters).  And valuable things that I felt uncomfortable leaving out in a dorm room that wasn't locked half the time and had my roomie's friends, whom I didn't know, going in and out at will.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2017, 12:45:20 PM by Ann »

TartanTallulah

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3258 on: July 16, 2017, 03:50:53 PM »
When my youngest daughter was born, I must have asked her fairy godmother to bless her by making her the opposite of her ill-tempered, workshy tightwad father, because she's always been the most delightful kid ever, she has a tremendous work ethic, and she's very generous but if she had a superpower it would be finding pointless crap to spend her money on. Her room is shelf upon shelf of scented candles, bath bombs, trinkets and cosmetics, most of it untouched.

She'll be going to college in September.

She has recently started to suffer from an allergy, almost certainly to the house dust mite.

I saw an opportunity. "You can change your bedding and vacuum the floor as much as you like, but it's pointless when your room is lined with shelves of dust magnets," I said. "Would you like me to help you to sell some of it? It'll make your room easier to clean properly and it'll give you some extra money for when you go to college."

"NO! It's MINE!" she wailed.

I'll give her time to think about it, and then warn her that any tchotchke that's left when she goes to college is fair game for a yard sale.

Wow!  I think that's pretty fair solution!  You aren't just tossing her stuff like she doesn't matter, but you aren't going to let her use your house like a free climate-controlled storage facility!   I'm curious: will you let her keep some things in a "safe zone", like a big plastic bin or something?  Two things from my own college experience:
1. I completely abused my parents good will and used their house (well my old room) as storage for waaaay too long . . . like 8 years after I graduated.  :-(   They didn't seem to care (repeatedly said they didn't) but that just was very unmotivating to sort through it all.  They totally could have had that room as usable space if I hadn't been so selfish.  They STILL don't use it very much, but at least it's not my "fault".
2.  But!  It was very helpful to have storage for my winter clothes  while I lived in a tiny shared dorm room.  And I am grateful I was able to keep old books and fragile things I *definitely* wanted to keep but did NOT want to haul back and forth 4 times a year (must vacate dorms completely before/after summer semesters).  And valuable things that I felt uncomfortable leaving out in a dorm room that wasn't locked half the time and had my roomie's friends, whom I didn't know, going in and out at will.

I'm not going to turf her out and remove every trace. Her room will remain her room until she has a home of her own that isn't just a rented room in college. But I want to be able to let guests use the room when she isn't here, and I want to be able to keep it clean, and I can't do that if there are racks of lipsticks and a million Yankee Candles all over the place. And the clothes and shoes and bags ... and the sunk cost, from a near-minimum wage income.

It's not a priority. At least the little'un keeps her belongings tidy most of the time. Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.



paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3259 on: July 17, 2017, 05:08:17 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

Feivel2000

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3260 on: July 17, 2017, 06:15:54 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.
We'll, I am sure that you won't win the world parenting award with this story.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3261 on: July 17, 2017, 08:06:24 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

You sound mentally unbalanced.


[MOD NOTE: A little more constructive criticism, please]
« Last Edit: July 17, 2017, 06:03:34 PM by FrugalToque »

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3262 on: July 17, 2017, 08:14:34 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.
We'll, I am sure that you won't win the world parenting award with this story.
I'm in awe though, because in this particular case and for this particular kid, it worked. The "nice parent" approach of asking nicely, then escalating through the stages of giving a direct order, or withholding privileges, or handing out punishment, clearly didn't work for that one but the doggie doo hunt did.

ducky19

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3263 on: July 17, 2017, 08:28:43 AM »
My dad's post on Facebook this morning: "I keep hearing people talk about what they're going to do when they retire. I'm gonna have to work right up to lunch on the day of my funeral."

This from the man who retired a year ago, then went back to work at Harbor Freight because he was scared at how fast he was burning through his inheritance. He and mom are going to Alaska for a cruise and tour for their 50th anniversary this week. Not saying they don't deserve it, but this has been their way for as long as I can remember; spend every dime you make, then complain about how broke you are and how Social Security doesn't pay nearly enough. I love them both dearly, but it's hard to watch/listen to. The only like this received was from my mom.

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3264 on: July 17, 2017, 08:31:01 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

You sound mentally unbalanced.

Thanks for the nice comment and personal attack. Please read the rules here, and understand that you violated them. Then refrain from doing so again, please.

I have no interest in the whole "participation trophy" and lets all fawn over out little snowflakes, style of parenting. She made a decision to openly defy basic standards of decency, and any reasonable attempt to get her to respect her parents, and the beautiful, huge, single room she was provided with, which was decorated to her tastes, and outfitted with anything she wanted. She was not physically harmed in any way, nor abused. It was an escalating series of events, until it was made quite clear that the next step was the disposal of anything she failed to value, and left on the floor.

If you really want to get your panties in a twist, I'll give you another example of the horror of parenting. As  junior in high school, my son was quite capable of high honors with almost no effort, and had a history of doing so. He then decided that dressing like a rapper, smoking dope and blowing off school were all worthy pursuits. A lot of his life was spent ignoring his parents, while locked in his room. Once his door was removed, he started to snap out of it a bit. Once he was given a preview of his next few months of life in our house, including no gangster clothes, nothing but a mattress and desk in his room, no transportation to anything but school, no cell phone, etc... suddenly, he had a coming to Jesus moment, and removed his head from his ass, and started to excel again. He later pulled nearly the exact same shit, half way through a very successful, fully parent funded ride, including a car, at a state university. Two factors helped him right the ship. First, his girlfriend told him it was over if he didn't grow up, stop partying with "The Dudes" , quit the drugs, and get serious, and his parents told him that he either stopped his shit immediately, or he was on his own, no money, no support. Oddly enough, once again he rapidly got his shit together. He now is a very successful engineer who manufacturers his own line of heavy construction equipment at 27 YO, and manages 50-90 employees in a heavy construction company. 

Your right, as a parent I really fucked up. Probably due to some sort of mental illness. Glad you pointed it out.
« Last Edit: July 17, 2017, 08:40:48 AM by paddedhat »

Cyanne

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3265 on: July 17, 2017, 09:29:48 AM »
Paddlehat, you're my hero. I also have a child who treated my house like a garbage can when she was a teenager. Unfortunately, we didn't have a dog. I picked up all of her clothes and items off the floor (which we had purchased for her) and told her if she wanted them back she could buy them at garage sale prices. She bought most of it back and the rest that she chose not to buy was donated. This was after having asked multiple times and telling her that if she didn't pick up her things there would be consequences.

jinga nation

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3266 on: July 17, 2017, 09:30:32 AM »
paddedhat, you are my hero.

if my girls ever act like yours did, or like your son did, i shall have to take either the low road or the paddedhat road.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3267 on: July 17, 2017, 10:09:55 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

You sound mentally unbalanced.

Thanks for the nice comment and personal attack. Please read the rules here, and understand that you violated them. Then refrain from doing so again, please.

I have no interest in the whole "participation trophy" and lets all fawn over out little snowflakes, style of parenting. She made a decision to openly defy basic standards of decency, and any reasonable attempt to get her to respect her parents, and the beautiful, huge, single room she was provided with, which was decorated to her tastes, and outfitted with anything she wanted. She was not physically harmed in any way, nor abused. It was an escalating series of events, until it was made quite clear that the next step was the disposal of anything she failed to value, and left on the floor.

If you really want to get your panties in a twist, I'll give you another example of the horror of parenting. As  junior in high school, my son was quite capable of high honors with almost no effort, and had a history of doing so. He then decided that dressing like a rapper, smoking dope and blowing off school were all worthy pursuits. A lot of his life was spent ignoring his parents, while locked in his room. Once his door was removed, he started to snap out of it a bit. Once he was given a preview of his next few months of life in our house, including no gangster clothes, nothing but a mattress and desk in his room, no transportation to anything but school, no cell phone, etc... suddenly, he had a coming to Jesus moment, and removed his head from his ass, and started to excel again. He later pulled nearly the exact same shit, half way through a very successful, fully parent funded ride, including a car, at a state university. Two factors helped him right the ship. First, his girlfriend told him it was over if he didn't grow up, stop partying with "The Dudes" , quit the drugs, and get serious, and his parents told him that he either stopped his shit immediately, or he was on his own, no money, no support. Oddly enough, once again he rapidly got his shit together. He now is a very successful engineer who manufacturers his own line of heavy construction equipment at 27 YO, and manages 50-90 employees in a heavy construction company. 

Your right, as a parent I really fucked up. Probably due to some sort of mental illness. Glad you pointed it out.

It wasn't a personal attack, it was an observation of your bizarre over-reaction and disregard for another person's belongings. I'm glad your children turned out ok.

My panties are not in a twist and I have no idea what relevance participation trophies and special snowflakes have to this. But I do have a parent with diagnosed mental health problems, and she behaves in much the same way you do. Including throwing tantrums and the destruction of other people's things.

JordanOfGilead

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3268 on: July 17, 2017, 10:28:23 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.

You sound mentally unbalanced.

Thanks for the nice comment and personal attack. Please read the rules here, and understand that you violated them. Then refrain from doing so again, please.

I have no interest in the whole "participation trophy" and lets all fawn over out little snowflakes, style of parenting. She made a decision to openly defy basic standards of decency, and any reasonable attempt to get her to respect her parents, and the beautiful, huge, single room she was provided with, which was decorated to her tastes, and outfitted with anything she wanted. She was not physically harmed in any way, nor abused. It was an escalating series of events, until it was made quite clear that the next step was the disposal of anything she failed to value, and left on the floor.

If you really want to get your panties in a twist, I'll give you another example of the horror of parenting. As  junior in high school, my son was quite capable of high honors with almost no effort, and had a history of doing so. He then decided that dressing like a rapper, smoking dope and blowing off school were all worthy pursuits. A lot of his life was spent ignoring his parents, while locked in his room. Once his door was removed, he started to snap out of it a bit. Once he was given a preview of his next few months of life in our house, including no gangster clothes, nothing but a mattress and desk in his room, no transportation to anything but school, no cell phone, etc... suddenly, he had a coming to Jesus moment, and removed his head from his ass, and started to excel again. He later pulled nearly the exact same shit, half way through a very successful, fully parent funded ride, including a car, at a state university. Two factors helped him right the ship. First, his girlfriend told him it was over if he didn't grow up, stop partying with "The Dudes" , quit the drugs, and get serious, and his parents told him that he either stopped his shit immediately, or he was on his own, no money, no support. Oddly enough, once again he rapidly got his shit together. He now is a very successful engineer who manufacturers his own line of heavy construction equipment at 27 YO, and manages 50-90 employees in a heavy construction company. 

Your right, as a parent I really fucked up. Probably due to some sort of mental illness. Glad you pointed it out.

It wasn't a personal attack, it was an observation of your bizarre over-reaction and disregard for another person's belongings. I'm glad your children turned out ok.

My panties are not in a twist and I have no idea what relevance participation trophies and special snowflakes have to this. But I do have a parent with diagnosed mental health problems, and she behaves in much the same way you do. Including throwing tantrums and the destruction of other people's things.
I didn't see it as an overreaction or a disregard for another person's belongings. It was an escalation of events that lead to some clothes needing washed. Nothing was destroyed, and as far as I'm concerned (and the law in my locality, for that matter), teenagers don't have belongings. It all belongs to their parents, regardless of where the money to purchase it came from. People under 18 cannot own property.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3269 on: July 17, 2017, 10:39:22 AM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.

nwhiker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3270 on: July 17, 2017, 10:50:03 AM »
Growing up we didn't have a lot of money but my Mom wanted to buy a new couch. Nothing wrong with the old one but it was time for a change according to her. My stepdad said that we didn't have the money at the time and that the credit cards were maxed out. So while he was on the road working she asked my Grandfather to buy the couch for her. When my stepdad got home she wouldn't let him sit in it because it was "her" couch.

The idea of an adult going to a parent to replace a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture and then having the audacity to claim that their partner mayn't sit on it because it is "hers". Fantastic. It does conjure up a mental image of the poor partner having to sit on the floor like a bad dog because the "old" couch has been thrown out. I'd struggle if that were my relationship and our values were so different.

Well the relationship tended to be somewhat amicable with long periods of ignoring one another. Then came the yelling and slapping each other, so you wanted them to start ignoring each other again. Eventually he no longer had to deal with the relationship, unfortunately it came about because the authorities discovered he was transporting more than just produce to California on a weekly basis.
I was under the impression that transporting produce to CA is frowned upon.  I seem to remember being stopped at a checkpoint on our way into CA (from NV) and being asked if we were carrying produce.

He was a long-haul truck driver and worked for a guy that had a small farm  some chicken houses (also apparently some meth houses). There was some vegetables that grew better in our area that was sold in CA. That being said maybe the meth sales were needed to make the trip viable.

economista

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3271 on: July 17, 2017, 11:22:23 AM »
I remember a few months back on this thread (or maybe a different similar thread) someone mentioned that they went to HuHot and their MIL ordered an appetizer, and then couldn't understand why it was a waste of money.  A few weeks later SO and I went to HuHot and I told him the story and we both got quite a good laugh out of it. 

Last week his siblings all came to visit and stay with us and on their first night here they wanted to go to HuHot.  As soon as the waitress came over they proceeded to order not one, not two, but 3 appetizers.  Each of which cost as much as the all you can eat buffet price.  My SO didn't say anything, but he gave me a very annoyed look.  Luckily they didn't insist on just splitting the cost this time, and we each only paid for what we ordered.  However, it was a very good indication of the kind of food spending they insisted on for the rest of the week.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3272 on: July 17, 2017, 11:57:50 AM »

Her older sister moved out last month, also not to a permanent new home, and her room is like a landfill site. I hardly know where to begin. And we only tidied and cleaned it for her a year ago. She's a good illustration of how people gravitate back to their comfortable level of clutter.

We had a daughter who would leave enough crap on the floor that eventually you couldn't see the rug. Her mother and I fought with her for far too long on this issue. Then I just started gathering everything she refused to pick up, in a wash basket, and tossing it all over the front yard. At first she was horrified, since the other little PITA princesses in her posse could literally see her dirty laundry as the school bus stopped out front.  Eventually her sense of defiance took over, and this no longer worked, as she went from "how could you this to me?" to "I don't care". One day, I was heading out for dog shit clean-up duty and had a brilliant idea. I grab a basket of her stuff off the floor and carefully covered each large pile of Golden Retriever shit with a clothing item. When she returned I told her

" I decided to have a dog shit Easter egg hunt. The objective is to find the hidden dog shit, and I'm pretty sure you will be the winner if you check under all your clothes. Oh, and you might want to wash everything, with all those stains and that unpleasant shit smell. Oh, and I know you're really pissed now, but since you still want to play games, be aware that the next level of escalation is, from now on, if you leave ANYTHING on the floor, it's going in the trash, and I don't give a shit if it's a stick of gum, or a laptop.  You want to play that game?"

That's the true story of how our little piglet started behaving like a human and decided that her room was not a dumpster.
We'll, I am sure that you won't win the world parenting award with this story.
I'm in awe though, because in this particular case and for this particular kid, it worked. The "nice parent" approach of asking nicely, then escalating through the stages of giving a direct order, or withholding privileges, or handing out punishment, clearly didn't work for that one but the doggie doo hunt did.
+1

It doesn't sound like he *started* with the excessive stuff.  I mean for me - we don't have a dog.  I'd just straight up start with the trash.  As a teenager - it's not her house.  It's not her "stuff", it was provided by her parents.  And there's a certain level of decency that must be maintained in a household.  You are living by someone else's rules.

And same with the later issues with the son.  Kids push their parents.  They push boundaries.  That's almost their job, really, as they are growing and finding out who they really are.  It's our job, as parents, to let them know what is acceptable and what is not.  Fine, you want to smoke dope and be a thug and waste my money at college?  You are on your own.

It's a balance though, and each family will set a different tone.  I had a coworker once, who was chatting with me about her college-aged daughter, who was home for the summer.  The daughter had told her mother: "I'm going to go to the doc this summer and go on the pill".  Daughter was 20 at the time.  Mother said "if you are adult enough to be having sex, then you can pay your own way through school."

Now, I felt this was an overreaction and I told her so.  Mom was traditional, somewhat conservative, lovely lady who grew up in China.  She asked me for the reason why I felt it was an overreaction.  I listed these for her:
- she graduated HS at 17
- she goes to an Ivy league school.  Gets almost straight A's.  Does volunteer work.
- she works, and she buys her own plane tickets home
- she's a model daughter, model student.
- it's only sex.  And she's being responsible about it!

Now, I'm about 10 years younger than my coworker and about 12-15 years older than the daughter, and the coworker said "wait, did YOU have sex in college?"
Apparently all of a sudden it was okay because I turned out ok.

(Long story short - too late! Daughter is an MD now, married with a kid.)

On the flip side, I have a sister who was late to accept adulthood, was really into growing and smoking pot back when it wasn't legal anywhere.  And her kids are also late to really grow up and such.  My niece is finally getting back on her feet after some rough patches with addiction.  And she's got a GoFundMe going for some schooling to teach yoga.  I've noticed that her friends have donated, and family have not.  Particularly, her mother has not.  Which is pretty telling.  You can do your best as parents to teach your kids the right path.  At some point, they make their own decisions.  My niece is well into her 30's.  If you need a few thousand bucks, save up for a year.
« Last Edit: July 17, 2017, 12:09:04 PM by mm1970 »

JordanOfGilead

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3273 on: July 17, 2017, 12:09:33 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.
Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.

JordanOfGilead

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3274 on: July 17, 2017, 12:13:53 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.
Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.
Hell, thy even have the right to legally revoke your driver's license. It's explicitly stated in the Revised Code regarding teen licensing. The only teenagers that "own" anything, do so out of the good will of their parents.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3275 on: July 17, 2017, 12:16:11 PM »
Good to see the trend of nothing useful coming out of Ohio continues.

RWD

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3276 on: July 17, 2017, 12:17:49 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.

Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.

I was gifted a small amount of land when I was 5 or 6 years old, I think. Title in my name. Ohio sounds terrible.

JordanOfGilead

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3277 on: July 17, 2017, 12:19:08 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.

Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.

I was gifted a small amount of land when I was 5 or 6 years old, I think. Title in my name. Ohio sounds terrible.
Somebody can set up for you to own land or property or whatever once you're 18, and there are some previsions they can take to make it difficult for parents to access it, but it's still unavailable until the kid turns 18.

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Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3278 on: July 17, 2017, 12:24:20 PM »
Actually what he did with the son is what is often recommended by counselors dealing with teenagers. Now the daughter and the dog poop-ugh!  That could have been dealt with differently. However, as a former SW we saw people that beat their kids, etc.  We would have not intervened in a case like the dog poop.

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3279 on: July 17, 2017, 12:25:55 PM »

It wasn't a personal attack, it was an observation of your bizarre over-reaction and disregard for another person's belongings. I'm glad your children turned out ok.

My panties are not in a twist and I have no idea what relevance participation trophies and special snowflakes have to this. But I do have a parent with diagnosed mental health problems, and she behaves in much the same way you do. Including throwing tantrums and the destruction of other people's things.

Sorry, but you DO NOT get to accuse someone of having mental health problems, then say, "It wasn't a personal attack", it very much is, and it's not acceptable in the least. You and another poster have an interesting concept of the value of a dependent child's belongings, and how they are violated by a parent crossing some imaginary line. We are talking about a stubborn, defiant fourteen year old here, not a budding pre-adult with a job,  spending money, and possessions purchased with THEIR hard earned dollars. We are taking about a kid who just enjoyed a back to school shopping trip, on mom's dime, and leaves her new clothes strewn all over her room, while walking all over them, since she is too fucking lazy to pick them up.

This was our one kid that was like breaking a wild horse. By the time she was fourteen she was told that she needed to be involved with something constructive with her time, and was not going to be spending her summer on the couch texting friends. It could be sports, a job of some sort, from being a junior counselor for one of the many local camps for little kids, to volunteering anywhere, but not being a couch potato. She ignored us, and mistakenly believed that she would do whatever the hell she wanted to do with her time. We warned her a few times, then volunteered her as a library helper. She spent four hours a day, most week days of the summer break, with a smock on, putting books away. She hated every minute of it, and probably hated both of us too. Care factor on our part, about her deep resentment for forcing her to do this? ZERO..... She tried the same shit the next summer, and her mom drove her on a route every week, to ask for, and return, employment applications for a summer job. Finally, after six or seven weeks of this, a local grocery store hired her. . Three years later, she graduates from high school and announces that she is quitting her job to spend the summer "hanging with her friends". By now this shit is getting really old, but I calmly explain how reality works. I inform her that she is not only NOT, quitting her job, but she is working at least 30+ hours a week, since that's how we roll in this family. In the end, she spent a total of 6-7 years with that grocery store chain, making up to $10k a year, while in high school and university, learned a ton of valuable skills, and always had money in her pocket. Had we not rode her hard, she wouldn't of EVER had a job before getting here degree.  At no point did any of this handling of a difficult child involve anything close to tantrums or destroying anything. You want a car, insurance, a paid education, and a lot of things that many other kids would only dream of, keep up your end of the agreement. It's that simple. They both knew my word is rock solid, and if I say, "your shit will be in the garbage next time", or "you better get your act together, or it's the last check I mail to your school or landlord", it means exactly that.

Your opinion that my behavior is bizarre and involves tantrums is strictly that, it is not based on any first hand knowledge. Sorry you had a difficult childhood, but don't equate what I did, with somebody with real mental issues who does things that I don't do.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3280 on: July 17, 2017, 12:34:09 PM »
Dude, the wall of text about how great a parent you are is not changing my mind. You covered a kid's clothes with dog poop. That's sick.

Hash Brown

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3281 on: July 17, 2017, 12:38:26 PM »
Good to see the trend of nothing useful coming out of Ohio continues.

Well Kasich did give away the big grant Obama gave the state when Ted Strickland was governor for high speed rail connecting Cincinnati to Cleveland.  Those $450 million are now helping build the high speed rail line in California. 

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3282 on: July 17, 2017, 12:43:22 PM »
Actually what he did with the son is what is often recommended by counselors dealing with teenagers. Now the daughter and the dog poop-ugh!  That could have been dealt with differently. However, as a former SW we saw people that beat their kids, etc.  We would have not intervened in a case like the dog poop.

Yea, that would be a tough one to prosecute, I can imagine the testimony:

Question:  How did you handle all your clothes that were in the yard, apparently places on dried up piles of dog poop?
Answer: Well, I picked it all up, washed and dried it in the laundry room, then put it back in my drawers, and hung some in my closet.

Question: Was you father violent, when you had this encounter over your clothing in the yard?
Answer:  No, he doesn't even raise his voice at times like this. He might be red faced, but he just told me what he did, and what he will do next.

Question: Did he threaten to do something to you next time?
Answer: Yes, he told me that next time, anything he, or mom, finds on the floor will be going into the trash, doesn't matter if it's a $75 text book, or my laptop.

Question: How has this impacted your last few weeks of life with your parents?
Answer: Well my room no longer looks like a garbage truck that rolled over on the freeway...........................

Yea, the "final straw" in the whole, "my daughter lives like a pig" incident could of been handled differently. It wasn't, it worked, I would do it again, and no precious little children were permanently harmed. Oddly enough, she is in a committed, long term relationship with her boyfriend, and they both are neat as a pin. Make me smile to visit their place. Trendy art work, furniture they made themselves, and not a thing out of place. I chuckle inside, every time.


paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3283 on: July 17, 2017, 12:53:00 PM »
Dude, the wall of text about how great a parent you are is not changing my mind. You covered a kid's clothes with dog poop. That's sick.
Far from your dude, bro. and have zero concern over your opinion of my parenting style.  I dropped a few articles of clothing on top of piles of long since dried out, dog poop. If you somehow decided that this is covering my kids clothes with dog shit, you have a very active imagination. I serious doubt that lab analysis would of found a trace of dog shit on any of it. I guess it stays all kinds of sterile when the kid takes it off, drops it where she happens to be standing,  and walks on it, in layers as it accumulates around a bed, until there is nothing left to wear, since it's all under her shoes, right?

humbleMouse

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3284 on: July 17, 2017, 01:06:00 PM »
+1 to paddedhat

I wouldn't put up with that crap if I had a teenage daughter. 

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3285 on: July 17, 2017, 01:13:11 PM »
For someone who has zero concern over my opinion you sure are posting a lot of paragraphs telling me what a great parent you are. Keep trying to act like a tough guy on the internet, dude.

charis

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3286 on: July 17, 2017, 01:39:26 PM »
For someone who has zero concern over my opinion you sure are posting a lot of paragraphs telling me what a great parent you are. Keep trying to act like a tough guy on the internet, dude.

Brah, you are like the only person who has a problem with this.  It's getting old.  Let it go. 

Gondolin

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3287 on: July 17, 2017, 01:42:01 PM »
Quote
Dude, the wall of text about

Dude, give it up. You made a bad snap judgement - it happens to all of us. But now that you've been shut down hard, saying "lol wall of text" is the lamest misdirect I've seen in a while.

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3288 on: July 17, 2017, 01:42:32 PM »
For someone who has zero concern over my opinion you sure are posting a lot of paragraphs telling me what a great parent you are. Keep trying to act like a tough guy on the internet, dude.

LOL, I am about as far from a tough guy as you can imagine. I just really really couldn't care about you, and your opinion, that's all. I find it curious that you think that any of this is "lots of paragraphs" for you. Really, it isn't for you at all, just clearing up some misinformation you are attempting ro create. Nothing tough about what I posted, no physical threats to my children, no physical harm, just steady, reliable parenting. No trying to "be my kid's best friend" or "make them feel special, always" or any other sure to fail theories. By the time kids are in their mid-teens, it's time to drop the bullshit, put the Barbies and teddy bears away, and deal with the fact that they are about to launch. Not allowing them to step all over you, being clear about what you believe, where your limits of acceptable behavior are, and what the consequences of crossing that line will be, is all part of what it takes to create adults. If you see this as being an internet tough guy, well that's a pretty gross misreading of the facts,  and why I just don't care how many names you need to a call me, or how badly you want to twist what I have to say.

And yes you are special, and that paragraph was just for you, dude.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3289 on: July 17, 2017, 01:52:22 PM »
Quote
Dude, the wall of text about

Dude, give it up. You made a bad snap judgement - it happens to all of us. But now that you've been shut down hard, saying "lol wall of text" is the lamest misdirect I've seen in a while.

It's not a misdirect. He's literally posting paragraphs rambling about how he's not his kids' best friend and how it's time to put away barbies and teddy bears, blah blah blah.

But I am stepping away. Getting in a pissing contest with an internet tough guy isn't on my to-do list.

Vindicated

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3290 on: July 17, 2017, 02:05:03 PM »
I'm surprised a lot of people are OK with paddlehat's decision.  Like Warlord, I also found it disturbing.

It seems to have worked out well for his children, since they've grown into successful and decent people.  I just believe there had to have been less controversial methods to achieve the same result.

charis

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3291 on: July 17, 2017, 02:18:32 PM »
I'm surprised a lot of people are OK with paddlehat's decision.  Like Warlord, I also found it disturbing.

It seems to have worked out well for his children, since they've grown into successful and decent people.  I just believe there had to have been less controversial methods to achieve the same result.

Like what?  In this specific situation that was described by the parent in question.  I'll have teenagers someday so I'd like to hear about alternative methods. 

Without knowing the child/family involved, however, how would you know whether other methods hadn't been tried or would have achieved the same result?

Vindicated

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3292 on: July 17, 2017, 02:26:48 PM »
I don't claim to know the entirety of the methods paddlehat attempted in changing his daughter's behavior.  But for me, placing clothing over piles of dog poop is a step over the line.  If I were to witness something like that, I'd be concerned for the well-being of the child.  The concern would be unfounded in this case, since the daughter grew up and now manages her life well.  That doesn't change the fact that I'd be concerned to see this action from a neighbor or loved one.

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3293 on: July 17, 2017, 02:28:45 PM »
Quote
Dude, the wall of text about

Dude, give it up. You made a bad snap judgement - it happens to all of us. But now that you've been shut down hard, saying "lol wall of text" is the lamest misdirect I've seen in a while.

It's not a misdirect. He's literally posting paragraphs rambling about how he's not his kids' best friend and how it's time to put away barbies and teddy bears, blah blah blah.

But I am stepping away. Getting in a pissing contest with an internet tough guy isn't on my to-do list.

When you find an "internet tough guy" feel free to have a pissing contest. Because, you didn't find any here. Any pissing contest, or evidence of some tough guy personna are things you assigned to the conversation. Before you go blasting away at anybody else over parenting failures, don't forget that you describe one of your parents as engaging in bizarre behavior and being mentally ill, and obviously have some unresolved issues in that department. Second, try to keep in mind that you aren't even old enough to HAVE a teenager, and when and if that times comes, you WILL have a far different understanding of how knowledgeable and competent you are at the task. I succeeded, and know damn well that many others did a far better job than I. I also personally know many of my kid's friends, and have seen many several slow motion train wrecks. The fact that these parents are the type that would of been (and probably are) horrified by how we raised our kids, is a valuable piece of the puzzle.

Warlord1986

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3294 on: July 17, 2017, 02:44:48 PM »
Quote
Dude, the wall of text about

Dude, give it up. You made a bad snap judgement - it happens to all of us. But now that you've been shut down hard, saying "lol wall of text" is the lamest misdirect I've seen in a while.

It's not a misdirect. He's literally posting paragraphs rambling about how he's not his kids' best friend and how it's time to put away barbies and teddy bears, blah blah blah.

But I am stepping away. Getting in a pissing contest with an internet tough guy isn't on my to-do list.

When you find an "internet tough guy" feel free to have a pissing contest. Because, you didn't find any here. Any pissing contest, or evidence of some tough guy personna are things you assigned to the conversation. Before you go blasting away at anybody else over parenting failures, don't forget that you describe one of your parents as engaging in bizarre behavior and being mentally ill, and obviously have some unresolved issues in that department. Second, try to keep in mind that you aren't even old enough to HAVE a teenager, and when and if that times comes, you WILL have a far different understanding of how knowledgeable and competent you are at the task. I succeeded, and know damn well that many others did a far better job than I. I also personally know many of my kid's friends, and have seen many several slow motion train wrecks. The fact that these parents are the type that would of been (and probably are) horrified by how we raised our kids, is a valuable piece of the puzzle.

Glad you're pleased with yourself.

When other people compare your actions to those of the mentally ill, that's typically a sign to reevaluate your choices.

My age has nothing to do with the fact that with every post you are making yourself seem more unhinged. This is my last reply on this subject. Have a good life bro.

Aelias

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3295 on: July 17, 2017, 02:46:38 PM »
ok . . . not totally sure what I stepped into in this thread (pun very much intended), but back to relatives . . .

My inlaws are visiting.  This always brings up anti-mustachian moments.

1) They showed up with massive bags full of plastic trinkets and junk food that we do not want and nobody needs.

2) We went grocery shopping on sunday, because the salad / stir-fry / grilled stuff rotation my husband and I enjoy is too "exotic" for them.  We spent $150 on groceries for a week!  That's twice what we usually spend!

3) My MIL is a borderline gambling addict who routinely blows $200-$300 per casino visit.  They stopped at 2 on their drive over here and will stop at 2 on their drive back.  I only say borderline because she (for the moment) is able to stop herself at a designated spend amount.

4) We have to keep a portable air conditioner in the guest room for their use.  We never use AC for ourselves.

5) My FIL wants us to buy a gas-powered mower for our yard, which is the size of a postage stamp.

The list goes on . . . 

And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  He says he puts $50 a month per kid into a 509 plan and that's it. HOW IS THAT FUCKING POSSIBLE?  I cannot get my head around it.  Sure, I know his wife is on the spendy side--but I have mentally tallied their expenses and I just cannot reckon it.  They don't have a crazy house or cars. They don't take outrageous vacations. I know they have a weakness for organic food, but food doesn't cost that much.  Is it the crunchy preschool? What the hell?

I mean, we're high earners and we have puh-lenty of anti-mustachian spending.  But without really trying, we're saving around 50% of our income.  How is he saving none?

My best bet is that the BIL is exaggerating.  Maybe he makes a little less and saves a little more than he's claiming.  Maybe he's not counting his 401(K) contributions or something.  But this has always been the narrative--he works super hard and makes good money, but they're always strapped.  Are you familiar with the old robot expression, "Does not compute"?

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3296 on: July 17, 2017, 03:06:13 PM »
food doesn't cost that much.

They probably eat out a lot. That can get expensive really quickly.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3297 on: July 17, 2017, 03:19:06 PM »
ok . . . not totally sure what I stepped into in this thread (pun very much intended), but back to relatives . . .

My inlaws are visiting.  This always brings up anti-mustachian moments.

1) They showed up with massive bags full of plastic trinkets and junk food that we do not want and nobody needs.

2) We went grocery shopping on sunday, because the salad / stir-fry / grilled stuff rotation my husband and I enjoy is too "exotic" for them.  We spent $150 on groceries for a week!  That's twice what we usually spend!

3) My MIL is a borderline gambling addict who routinely blows $200-$300 per casino visit.  They stopped at 2 on their drive over here and will stop at 2 on their drive back.  I only say borderline because she (for the moment) is able to stop herself at a designated spend amount.

4) We have to keep a portable air conditioner in the guest room for their use.  We never use AC for ourselves.

5) My FIL wants us to buy a gas-powered mower for our yard, which is the size of a postage stamp.

The list goes on . . . 

And there is the latest financial gossip about my BIL and his family.  He claims he makes $185K, and yet also claims that he's saving virtually nothing and is living paycheck to paycheck.  He says he puts $50 a month per kid into a 509 plan and that's it. HOW IS THAT FUCKING POSSIBLE?  I cannot get my head around it.  Sure, I know his wife is on the spendy side--but I have mentally tallied their expenses and I just cannot reckon it.  They don't have a crazy house or cars. They don't take outrageous vacations. I know they have a weakness for organic food, but food doesn't cost that much.  Is it the crunchy preschool? What the hell?

I mean, we're high earners and we have puh-lenty of anti-mustachian spending.  But without really trying, we're saving around 50% of our income.  How is he saving none?

My best bet is that the BIL is exaggerating.  Maybe he makes a little less and saves a little more than he's claiming.  Maybe he's not counting his 401(K) contributions or something.  But this has always been the narrative--he works super hard and makes good money, but they're always strapped.  Are you familiar with the old robot expression, "Does not compute"?

My wife and I struggle each month, and are only saving towards our 401k/403b's, and the student loan. I think we're saving virtually nothing, but in reality it is over $15k a year. It just seems like virtually nothing to me.

Oh, and even though we're struggling, if you assume that we're net $0 on our mortgage and car loan (probably actually about $1k above water on the car and $8k on the home), we have a net worth of about $72,000... Its just locked up in 401k's and 403b's.  Yet we say that we're "broke" because we don't have the funds to do things.

Note: There are many extenuating circumstances in our situation. We really should pull back on our 401k contributions for a few months, I just can't pull myself to do it.

BDWW

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3298 on: July 17, 2017, 03:20:25 PM »
Dog poop can indeed ruin clothes, depending on the fabric.

Where the hell do you live that people under 18 cannot own property, that I can make certain to never visit such a place? When I was 18, I owned several thousands of dollars and I would have laughed myself sick had someone told me it wasn't mine.

Laugh all you want, but in Ohio your parents legally own you and everything you make/earn until you are 18. You can't own land. You can't be the only name on the title for a car. Most banks won't even let you have an account without an adult co-signer. You can't own shit until you're an adult.

I was gifted a small amount of land when I was 5 or 6 years old, I think. Title in my name. Ohio sounds terrible.

The age of majority is 18 or older in every state. Each state has specific exceptions for certain scenarios(such as marriage and emancipation), but if not specifically excepted by law,  you cannot enter a legal contract until that age. As in reference to "your" land, you would be what is called a "minor in title." Essentially you might own the land, but you couldn't sell or do anything with it until the age of majority. i.e. if you tried to sell it, the contract would/could be void.

/IANAL

Gondolin

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #3299 on: July 17, 2017, 03:27:44 PM »
Will no one commiserate over my aunt who just bought a $600k, 5 bedroom, 5 bath mansion to live in... alone?

She's 63 and is bringing her boat that is too large for her to use solo. The kicker? The dock at her new place is rotted so she'll pay to keep the boat in the marina while she spends 20k rebuilding the dock. For reasons listed above, this boat is used maybe 3-4 times per year.