Relatives who just don't get it

[Threshkin]

In some traditional Asian cultures it is normal for the grandparents to raise the children.  This let the parents focus on earning an income that supports all three generations.

The economic situation may have changed but the cultural traditions of grandparents having the primary caregiver role linger on.

[I'm a red panda]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

Families were closer together, so these hospital visits were short and not new parents having to deal with house guests.

[mustachepungoeshere]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

It's because the bill for an overnight stay is brutal even with help from insurance, and nobody wants to catch a hospital-borne infection such as MRSA or flesh-eating bacteria. That can be fatal.

[mustachepungoeshere]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

It's because the bill for an overnight stay is brutal even with help from insurance, and nobody wants to catch a hospital-borne infection such as MRSA or flesh-eating bacteria. That can be fatal.

Australia.

Not pregnancy-related, but I was ill earlier this year. Two GP appointments, five days in hospital, two outpatient scans, and three more GP appointments and I paid ... $0.

Marty even profited from it. He came to visit me and ate my hospital-issue dinner. :)

[Taran Wanderer]

I wonder whether all this "must see baby immediately" is a cultural hang-over from the days (which are within living memory) when the chances were high of mother or baby, or both, dying within a few days of the birth.

It's an explanation though, not an excuse.

Yeah. I've genuinely been thinking throughout this discussion, "What do you even need to see them FOR?" You can find out that mother and baby are both well by phone. You can get pictures over email if you're that desperate to check your grandchild looks like every other baby ever. It's not like the baby will even acknowledge your existence for months. The ONLY reason to dash down there is to genuinely help with stuff like cooking and cleaning and changing nappies. There is no other reason to visit the baby immediately.

Some families actually like each other.

[Goldielocks]

No, they aren't from stores I have around here :(

I'll eventually donate them.

Oh, I forgot another fun shopaholic story- she used to buy things for my SIL. Give them to her kids, unwrap them, use them, and then give SIL a bill! My SIL finally threw a fit and refused to pay when it was a new bedroom set!  I would have refused at the first 99 cent toy!

See -- they are on their best behavior for you.!

[HappierAtHome]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

It's because the bill for an overnight stay is brutal even with help from insurance, and nobody wants to catch a hospital-borne infection such as MRSA or flesh-eating bacteria. That can be fatal.

Australia.

Not pregnancy-related, but I was ill earlier this year. Two GP appointments, five days in hospital, two outpatient scans, and three more GP appointments and I paid ... $0.

Marty even profited from it. He came to visit me and ate my hospital-issue dinner. :)

Man, I love Australia.

[shelivesthedream]

I wonder whether all this "must see baby immediately" is a cultural hang-over from the days (which are within living memory) when the chances were high of mother or baby, or both, dying within a few days of the birth.

It's an explanation though, not an excuse.

Yeah. I've genuinely been thinking throughout this discussion, "What do you even need to see them FOR?" You can find out that mother and baby are both well by phone. You can get pictures over email if you're that desperate to check your grandchild looks like every other baby ever. It's not like the baby will even acknowledge your existence for months. The ONLY reason to dash down there is to genuinely help with stuff like cooking and cleaning and changing nappies. There is no other reason to visit the baby immediately.

Some families actually like each other.

Fair point. :) But I guess that might still fall under "the only reason is to genuinely help" - emotional support for the new mother counts.

[I'm a red panda]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

I think it's unusual in the US to not have an overnight stay when giving birth.  Mostly because once you get sent home, you are on your own. Does Australia have home health visitors like the UK?

[Abundant life]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

I think it's unusual in the US to not have an overnight stay when giving birth.  Mostly because once you get sent home, you are on your own. Does Australia have home health visitors like the UK?

They used to, but that might have changed too! :)

[mustachepungoeshere]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

I think it's unusual in the US to not have an overnight stay when giving birth.  Mostly because once you get sent home, you are on your own. Does Australia have home health visitors like the UK?

None of my friends had home health visits, but all were assigned to a baby clinic, put in touch with a mothers' group, and given excellent outpatient support. They were also encouraged to keep in touch with the hospital, and had the option of returning for a night or two if needed. It was a much more fluid process instead of just being discharged and told they were on their own.

[marty998]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

It's because the bill for an overnight stay is brutal even with help from insurance, and nobody wants to catch a hospital-borne infection such as MRSA or flesh-eating bacteria. That can be fatal.

Australia.

Not pregnancy-related, but I was ill earlier this year. Two GP appointments, five days in hospital, two outpatient scans, and three more GP appointments and I paid ... $0.

Marty even profited from it. He came to visit me and ate my hospital-issue dinner. :)

Man, I love Australia.

The food wasn't very good. It could best be described as the minimum required to give you enough calories to survive.

The entertainment was interesting - druggo crack addict suffering acute withdrawal symptoms in the next bed, with her dip-shit drop-kick boyfriend popping pills in the communal toilet.

The poor nurses having to deal with that day in day out :(

[mustachepungoeshere]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

It's because the bill for an overnight stay is brutal even with help from insurance, and nobody wants to catch a hospital-borne infection such as MRSA or flesh-eating bacteria. That can be fatal.

Australia.

Not pregnancy-related, but I was ill earlier this year. Two GP appointments, five days in hospital, two outpatient scans, and three more GP appointments and I paid ... $0.

Marty even profited from it. He came to visit me and ate my hospital-issue dinner. :)

Man, I love Australia.

The food wasn't very good. It could best be described as the minimum required to give you enough calories to survive.

The entertainment was interesting - druggo crack addict suffering acute withdrawal symptoms in the next bed, with her dip-shit drop-kick boyfriend popping pills in the communal toilet.

The poor nurses having to deal with that day in day out :(

Which is why I needed you for entertainment. And moral support. And clean socks! :)

[Guava]

It appears relative's disability through her employer was cancelled. We don't know specifics about their situation but have been able to gather that they gross at least $15k between his job, her disability, and the child support payments they get. We are guessing her disability on the low end of $5k per month. They have no idea how to make ends meet. We live in a LCOL area. She only has 3 more years of child support. They never saw their impending financial disaster coming. They even recently refinanced their credit card debt into their mortgage...for the third time...

I am curious what will come next.

[I'm a red panda]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

I think it's unusual in the US to not have an overnight stay when giving birth.  Mostly because once you get sent home, you are on your own. Does Australia have home health visitors like the UK?

None of my friends had home health visits, but all were assigned to a baby clinic, put in touch with a mothers' group, and given excellent outpatient support. They were also encouraged to keep in touch with the hospital, and had the option of returning for a night or two if needed. It was a much more fluid process instead of just being discharged and told they were on their own.

I had a 2 week mood check with a medical assistant- it was a 5 min. appt.  and I have a 6 week follow up scheduled with my OB/midwife. That's it for Mom.

Baby had a weight check at 4 days a well visit at 2 weeks and 4 weeks and I have one scheduled for 8 weeks.

I've had a few more non standard appts due to her feeding issues (speech pathologist, dentist)
I've also joined a lactation support group I found.

But thank goodness I got to stay 3 nights in the hospital (it's 1 or 2 for vaginal).

Of course now I'm facing a lot of calls to deal with the $27k bill that was denied by my insurance because they don't like how it was coded...

Sorry, getting off topic.
Anti-MMM comment: mother is mailing a box of (hand me down from her friends, thankfully) baby clothes. It will probably cost $20-30 to mail. She's driving up in two weeks. WHY are you paying to mail this?

[Just Joe]

We really lucked out when our two kids were born. Small rural LCOL area hospital. Overnight stay. No stress. Not crowded. Advised us what to bring so we didn't have to pay hospital prices for aspirin for example.

Only two Moms visiting at the time.

DW received plenty of attention from the staff and they fed us a feast! Came in and invited me to take the second (empty) bed and get some rest.

Big city family thought/thinks we were crazy living in this smallish town but honestly there are real perks to living here.

[I'm a red panda]

Our hospital had queen size beds in the mother/baby unit, so my husband slept in the bed with me.

My room was way nicer than his room (shared, split by a curtain) after his appendectomy.

The room service was okay too, and they don't blink when a "hungry" patient orders enough for a banquet. Husband ate well.

[Gin1984]

Something has changed, it used to be normal to visit a new baby in hospital, while the parents got to show off their newborn.

It was normal when women were in hospital for three or four days after giving birth.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

I've had friends go into labour in the early hours of the morning and, all going well, are home that afternoon. Some were in hospital less than six hours including labour and, when given the option, elected to go home as soon as possible.

I think it's unusual in the US to not have an overnight stay when giving birth.  Mostly because once you get sent home, you are on your own. Does Australia have home health visitors like the UK?

None of my friends had home health visits, but all were assigned to a baby clinic, put in touch with a mothers' group, and given excellent outpatient support. They were also encouraged to keep in touch with the hospital, and had the option of returning for a night or two if needed. It was a much more fluid process instead of just being discharged and told they were on their own.

I had a 2 week mood check with a medical assistant- it was a 5 min. appt.  and I have a 6 week follow up scheduled with my OB/midwife. That's it for Mom.

Baby had a weight check at 4 days a well visit at 2 weeks and 4 weeks and I have one scheduled for 8 weeks.

I've had a few more non standard appts due to her feeding issues (speech pathologist, dentist)
I've also joined a lactation support group I found.

But thank goodness I got to stay 3 nights in the hospital (it's 1 or 2 for vaginal).

Of course now I'm facing a lot of calls to deal with the $27k bill that was denied by my insurance because they don't like how it was coded...

Sorry, getting off topic.
Anti-MMM comment: mother is mailing a box of (hand me down from her friends, thankfully) baby clothes. It will probably cost $20-30 to mail. She's driving up in two weeks. WHY are you paying to mail this?

WTF????

[AlanStache]

...

Of course now I'm facing a lot of calls to deal with the $27k bill that was denied by my insurance because they don't like how it was coded...

Sorry, getting off topic.
Anti-MMM comment: mother is mailing a box of (hand me down from her friends, thankfully) baby clothes. It will probably cost $20-30 to mail. She's driving up in two weeks. WHY are you paying to mail this?

WTF????

See here in the Land of the Free if we did not have 27k health care bills the Communists will win and our guns will be confiscated by the French and 9th circuit court will install Bruce Jenner as President who will force us all to convert to Islam while preforming abortions on our grandparents.  /sarcasm.

[I'm a red panda]

AlanStache has it right...

It will be covered (I'll pay about $4k on that, my total for the pregnancy/birth will be $6k...I have a PPO not a high deductible)-it's just going to take a lot of phone calls. Insurance says hospital is wrong. Hospital says insurance is wrong.  Oh, great fun.  That's just a small portion of the total bill.

[Just Joe]

Can you just ignore the bill until the insurance co and hospital sort things out? I remember when I had an injury years ago I got bill after bill with an ever changing owed amount. Eventually they sorted it out and I owed $150 or some small amount.

I could only imagine how complicated it might be to get your money back if you paid before the hospital and insurance co were done arguing.

[I'm a red panda]

Yeah. There is no early way I'm paying $27k.
The hospital said it is 120 days until it goes to collections. So I'll pay it in 119 if they haven't worked it out.
Clearing up a trashed credit score would be harder than a refund...

[Sibley]

Yeah. There is no early way I'm paying $27k.
The hospital said it is 120 days until it goes to collections. So I'll pay it in 119 if they haven't worked it out.
Clearing up a trashed credit score would be harder than a refund...

So, if the insurance company doesn't like the coding, get the specifics of what they want, then take it to the provider (hospital). Spoon feed it to them and have them resubmit. No, things shouldn't work this way. Yes, sometimes they do.

[I'm a red panda]

Yeah. There is no early way I'm paying $27k.
The hospital said it is 120 days until it goes to collections. So I'll pay it in 119 if they haven't worked it out.
Clearing up a trashed credit score would be harder than a refund...

So, if the insurance company doesn't like the coding, get the specifics of what they want, then take it to the provider (hospital). Spoon feed it to them and have them resubmit. No, things shouldn't work this way. Yes, sometimes they do.

The insurance is in the wrong. I went down to the hospital and they showed it to me, and it's exactly what insurance is asking for. Hospital cannot resend it because it would be a duplicate.

[mm1970]

Yeah. There is no early way I'm paying $27k.
The hospital said it is 120 days until it goes to collections. So I'll pay it in 119 if they haven't worked it out.
Clearing up a trashed credit score would be harder than a refund...

Okay, so this was 11 years ago, but I got a $3000 bill for my first birth (vaginal with epidural, 2 nights in hospital), on a total bill of about $5000?  (I feel like hospital was $5k, and doctor was $4k, or thereabouts).

I got the EOB from my insurance company.  I called the hospital to get an itemized bill.  Then in my sleep-deprived state, I attempted to make sense of it.

But literally NONE of the lines matched.  Not the title.  Not the code.  Not the $ amounts.  I could not even combine several lines together to get any $ amount to match.

So I called the hospital and started in on my talk "well, I have your bill, and the EOB, and nothing lines up at all". 

Hospital: "Wait, let us handle that.  It can be confusing.  We will call the insurance company."

A bit later (a week?  2 weeks?) magically my new bill was $700.  ($350 deductible x 2)  It made me wonder:

#1: how many people "just pay it" to avoid dealing with the hospital and insurance.  It saves them both money.
#2: how many times insurance denies payment "just because"


I say this because years later, my kid #2 had surgery at 9 months.  It was necessary, and pre-qualified / approved.
First EOB from the insurance company said "we are denying payment for this surgery because it was not emergency surgery".  No shit dipwads, that's why we got the PRE-APPROVAL.

In the end, they paid it, but it took 1.5 YEARS.  Between the insurance company denials, the poor billing practices of the hospital, the fact that the hospital and doctors bill separately, the different insurance companies (kiddo double covered), change in insurance at the end of the year...what a mess.

And I'm pretty sure all along, hospital and insurance were hoping that we'd "just pay the bill".  The cost was approximately $25,000 (outpatient).  Our cost: $125 (the outpatient cost), which we paid for out of the HSA.

But many many hours on the phone, my husband was the one who did it.  I'd recommend using someone who is both stubborn and not sleep deprived.

[RetiredAt63]

To continue the thread derail into health care - So happy for OHIP - my doctor-referred physiotherapy is covered, to a point, my upcoming MRI is covered, my knee X-rays and hip bone density scan were covered. My tetanus vaccination was covered, I get my free flu shot every fall, and I was in the right age group for free shingles vaccine.  I do pay for this - my premiums are called taxes.  But any Ontario resident will get the same care.

When DD was born we were in Quebec, and she got jaundice, so we were in hospital for 4 or 5 days.  Otherwise it would have been 3, I was an elderly primigravida and I had a long labour.  We had a nurse visit a week or so after we were home, to see how we were doing and do the urine test for phenylketonuria.  I had follow-up visits with my ob/gyn and she went to our GP and the CLSC.

[marielle]

Just found out that my boyfriend's parents have kept his and his sister's crib all these years so that their grandchildren could use it one day. 28 years now. They're upset because they actually had to throw it away due to water getting in the basement and rusting it. I could understand keeping some toys and things that you can't buy anymore...but a crib!? They claim it was not for sentimental reasons, and that it is because it was a perfectly good crib that someone else should get to enjoy. Right, that's why you kept it for your grandchildren and not for some other family. The amount of junk this family holds on to is insane.

What if they don't even have grandchildren?

[Goldielocks]

My dad made a cradle that all 4 of his grandkids used, and it is now in storage waiting for great grandchildren.  (He is a carpenter).  I think he made a little engraved plaque with all the babies' names on it that is now on it.

So, although smaller than a crib, same idea, and I get it.

[Ann]

Just found out that my boyfriend's parents have kept his and his sister's crib all these years so that their grandchildren could use it one day. 28 years now. They're upset because they actually had to throw it away due to water getting in the basement and rusting it. I could understand keeping some toys and things that you can't buy anymore...but a crib!? They claim it was not for sentimental reasons, and that it is because it was a perfectly good crib that someone else should get to enjoy. Right, that's why you kept it for your grandchildren and not for some other family. The amount of junk this family holds on to is insane.

What if they don't even have grandchildren?

Aww!  But the sad thing is that it WAS a perfectly good crib that someone else could've enjoyed . . . 28 years ago.  If they had started passing it along to friends and acquaintances, they would have maintained the spirit of their impulse and helped out the community.  Instead, they kept it for their grandchildren only and ended up with garbage.  :-(

[Sibley]

Yeah. There is no early way I'm paying $27k.
The hospital said it is 120 days until it goes to collections. So I'll pay it in 119 if they haven't worked it out.
Clearing up a trashed credit score would be harder than a refund...

So, if the insurance company doesn't like the coding, get the specifics of what they want, then take it to the provider (hospital). Spoon feed it to them and have them resubmit. No, things shouldn't work this way. Yes, sometimes they do.

The insurance is in the wrong. I went down to the hospital and they showed it to me, and it's exactly what insurance is asking for. Hospital cannot resend it because it would be a duplicate.

Ok, that's different. Call insurance, ask them to re-process that claim, or file an appeal if that's what they need (depends on their process). If you get an appeal denied, then file a complaint with the State Department of Insurance (should do the appeal first). DOI complaints go to a different area and get a fresh set of eyes. Plus, there's real, negative consequences to those complaints - they don't get ignored.

Tell the hospital you're working on it, give them whatever docs they need so you don't go to collection. Edit: or just pay the bill before it goes to collections, but I'd avoid that if possible.

[cloudsail]

I've given in to my insurance company before. They were clearly in the wrong but it was a little over $200 and I just didn't have the time or energy anymore.

It just makes me grit my teeth every time I think how much money they squeeze out in totally underhanded ways. As if they can't make enough money just operating in an honest way.

[firelight]

Iowajes, can you get both your insurance and the hospital on the same conference call and sort it out together? I've found that has helped me in the past instead of going back and forth between them. Also, record the conversation so you don't end up in he said, she said scenario. Unfortunately, it's your credit that is on the line and you need to get them to solve it one way or the other before it goes to collections.

[Just Joe]

I've given in to my insurance company before. They were clearly in the wrong but it was a little over $200 and I just didn't have the time or energy anymore.

It just makes me grit my teeth every time I think how much money they squeeze out in totally underhanded ways. As if they can't make enough money just operating in an honest way.

Can you imagine the emotional roller coaster ride the sick, the elderly and the low education persons deal with in the insurance co or billing department?

[ysette9]

Just found out that my boyfriend's parents have kept his and his sister's crib all these years so that their grandchildren could use it one day. 28 years now.

If the cribs hadn't been destroyed I doubt they would have been used anyway. Safety standard and knowledge have changed a lot in that time and many things from back then are no longer considered acceptable. I certainly would not put my kid in a 30 year-old crib while I am happy to accept a gently used pack-n-play from friends.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

I've given in to my insurance company before. They were clearly in the wrong but it was a little over $200 and I just didn't have the time or energy anymore.

It just makes me grit my teeth every time I think how much money they squeeze out in totally underhanded ways. As if they can't make enough money just operating in an honest way.

Can you imagine the emotional roller coaster ride the sick, the elderly and the low education persons deal with in the insurance co or billing department?

Part of the strategy. If the patient dies from a stress induced stroke or heart attack, the estate generally has to settle especially if the family is already exhausted and overtaxed due to the death of a loved one.

It's the same with routinely denying claims related to injuries severe enough to require surgery. If the patient is, say, a victim of domestic violence or has been in a sports related accident, he or she is generally under enough other kinds of stress to be pressured into accepting responsibility for the bill.

[MgoSam]

I've given in to my insurance company before. They were clearly in the wrong but it was a little over $200 and I just didn't have the time or energy anymore.

It just makes me grit my teeth every time I think how much money they squeeze out in totally underhanded ways. As if they can't make enough money just operating in an honest way.

Can you imagine the emotional roller coaster ride the sick, the elderly and the low education persons deal with in the insurance co or billing department?

Part of the strategy. If the patient dies from a stress induced stroke or heart attack, the estate generally has to settle especially if the family is already exhausted and overtaxed due to the death of a loved one.

It's the same with routinely denying claims related to injuries severe enough to require surgery. If the patient is, say, a victim of domestic violence or has been in a sports related accident, he or she is generally under enough other kinds of stress to be pressured into accepting responsibility for the bill.

I have no experience with this and so do not wish to comment on it. I will say that there are bottom feeders that will try to saddle individuals and companies with small inconvienences and hope that they just pay them off rather than cause problems. I'll give an example. My company uses Centurylink for their phone service. About 7 months ago a company called asking to speak to "whoever handles the Centurlink account," whenever someone calls in and doesn't know the name of the person my spidey-sense kicks in, and so I probed and the person said that they were from Telpex and that they could 'lower my phone bill.' I tell him that we aren't interested and to take off his list and then hang up. I $@$@ hate these calls. If someone were to call my business and say, "I am a competitor to ___ and want to get your business," I'll listen to them and maybe we can work something out. But when anyone calls without a contact name, my response is to go away*. I #%% hate these calls. We exhibit at a few shows and it pisses me off how many calls we get from people that will try to pretend like they are from that show when in reality they are either freight brokers or people trying to book hotels from us, not because they are trying to get business but because they represent themselves as being from the show. Well anyways, Telpex called again and spoke to my warehouse manager who hearing that they can save us money decided to get some figures. Wel, that company took that message as confirmation that we had their business and used that recording (he wasn't authorized to make any such decision, and swears he said that to the salesperson) to call Centurylink to cancel our phone service and switch it over to us. Next thing we know we get an invoice for triple what our regular phone bill is and harassing phone messages.

I didn't think much of Telpex after I told them to go away, but after my warehouse manager talked to them I did a little Googling and see that it is a fraud service. Multiple complain that they call saying that they are with a provider and then rip them off by saying that they agreed to use them.

So by that point it my warehouse manager comes to me. I got a copy of the invoice and ask him WTF? He tells me what happens and then I speak to Telpex and tell them we didn't sign any agreement and that we plan to litigate the invoice if they pursue it. They say that they will. Instead, they call us for the next few weeks and then our phone line is cut off.

We get Centurylink to re-institute service. Problem with centurylink is that they are an oligopoly and honestly don't give a fuck about customer service. You would think that they would call before switching an account to a 'rival.'
 
I'm guessing that Telpex think that most businesses will just pay them to go away. We aren't like that, the principal owner says, "Feel free to file a suit, I'm sure a judge would love to see any agreements we allegedly signed." That was the last we heard of them on the invoice matter. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, I just got a call from Telpex.

*If someone calls and says that they are with company ___ and would like to speak to the person responsible for that area, I"m more likely to transfer them if I answer the phone (we don't have a receptionist any longer). 

[paddedhat]

Can you imagine the emotional roller coaster ride the sick, the elderly and the low education persons deal with in the insurance co or billing department?

Part of the strategy. If the patient dies from a stress induced stroke or heart attack, the estate generally has to settle especially if the family is already exhausted and overtaxed due to the death of a loved one.

It's the same with routinely denying claims related to injuries severe enough to require surgery. If the patient is, say, a victim of domestic violence or has been in a sports related accident, he or she is generally under enough other kinds of stress to be pressured into accepting responsibility for the bill.
[/quote]

I have no experience with this and so do not wish to comment on it. I will say that there are bottom feeders that will try to saddle individuals and companies with small inconvienences and hope that they just pay them off rather than cause problems. I'll give an example. My company uses Centurylink for their phone service. About 7 months ago a company called asking to speak to "whoever handles the Centurlink account," whenever someone calls in and doesn't know the name of the person my spidey-sense kicks in, and so I probed and the person said that they were from Telpex and that they could 'lower my phone bill.' I tell him that we aren't interested and to take off his list and then hang up. I $@$@ hate these calls. If someone were to call my business and say, "I am a competitor to ___ and want to get your business," I'll listen to them and maybe we can work something out. But when anyone calls without a contact name, my response is to go away*. I #%% hate these calls. We exhibit at a few shows and it pisses me off how many calls we get from people that will try to pretend like they are from that show when in reality they are either freight brokers or people trying to book hotels from us, not because they are trying to get business but because they represent themselves as being from the show. Well anyways, Telpex called again and spoke to my warehouse manager who hearing that they can save us money decided to get some figures. Wel, that company took that message as confirmation that we had their business and used that recording (he wasn't authorized to make any such decision, and swears he said that to the salesperson) to call Centurylink to cancel our phone service and switch it over to us. Next thing we know we get an invoice for triple what our regular phone bill is and harassing phone messages.

I didn't think much of Telpex after I told them to go away, but after my warehouse manager talked to them I did a little Googling and see that it is a fraud service. Multiple complain that they call saying that they are with a provider and then rip them off by saying that they agreed to use them.

So by that point it my warehouse manager comes to me. I got a copy of the invoice and ask him WTF? He tells me what happens and then I speak to Telpex and tell them we didn't sign any agreement and that we plan to litigate the invoice if they pursue it. They say that they will. Instead, they call us for the next few weeks and then our phone line is cut off.

We get Centurylink to re-institute service. Problem with centurylink is that they are an oligopoly and honestly don't give a fuck about customer service. You would think that they would call before switching an account to a 'rival.'
 
I'm guessing that Telpex think that most businesses will just pay them to go away. We aren't like that, the principal owner says, "Feel free to file a suit, I'm sure a judge would love to see any agreements we allegedly signed." That was the last we heard of them on the invoice matter. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, I just got a call from Telpex.

*If someone calls and says that they are with company ___ and would like to speak to the person responsible for that area, I"m more likely to transfer them if I answer the phone (we don't have a receptionist any longer).
[/quote]

I had this happen years ago, but with a twist. I was working for a small business and got a call from one of the scam phone companies. They asked enough questions to verify the owner's full name and ended the call. Our service was switched, the bills exploded, and they tried to collect. At that point they actually presented a forged document with the owner's signature, requesting service. Back when everybody had land lines, and the industry deregulated, this type of crap was an epidemic.  Also had a case of an elderly FIL who spent years paying $8/month to another shitbag phone company to lease a $50 ring volume amplifier. He passed, and the MIL just kept on paying the bill. After the MIL passed the bastards demanded that it be returned to them before they would cancel the contract. They billed well over a grand for the "service" over at least a decade.

[TomTX]

It's such a shame that people don't respect boundaries. WE never had any problems with my parents or the in-laws. If I had family like some of you guys I would not even tell them I was pregnant until a month after the baby was born:))   Of course this only works if you live in different towns.

Seriously already thinking about how long we can keep the news from my mother if we ever have children - of both birth and pregnancy. Mainly because we have a precarious entente which is largely built upon never saying anything other than small talk, and I can see how we'd get into deeper conversation pretty quickly about children. She'd ask about the birth plan, I'd obfuscate but eventually have to tell her, she'd make some passive-aggressive but deniable veiled criticism, I have to decide whether to play nice to keep the peace or enforce boundaries and start an argument and be accused of criticising HER... Oh man. (And iowajes, I sympathise with struggling to enforce boundaries - no one wants to pour petrol onto embers if the embers will just keep glowing quietly by themselves, but you still get burned by embers.) If I could keep the entire pregnancy and existence of the child secret from her forever, I would.

Just as a datapoint, we're closing in on 4 years of keeping the news from my MIL.  We do live a long way away, and communication is intentionally limited.

And I'm not going to get into all of her crazy, nasty stuff over the years. That would be for my wife to tell.

You successfully kept a 3-year-old hidden from the in-laws? The logistics alone sound like a good story. (/fetches popcorn)

Um, it's not that dramatic.

She lives 2,000 miles away, doesn't fly and the last time we visited, DW was ~4 months pregnant (which went un-noticed)

[TomTX]

Yes. Please please please explain how you actually do this while still having some contact with her. And how the "Hey, guess we should tell MIL about the baby" - "You know, we don't actually have to..." converation went. Does anyone else on that side of the family know, and how have they not told her?

Apparently I should have come back to this thread sooner....

Contact is email and phone calls, and my FIL and all the generation before that have died.  Nobody on that side knows. My parents do talk to MIL on occasion, but have kept quiet by request. They are aware of the generalities of why.

MIL is not a nice person. She abused DW growing up (until she got physically big enough to stop it) and I saw numerous times of her being very nasty and manipulative. She's performed ID theft on DW multiple times. During college (DW had worked and saved) - she stripped DW's bank account right before tuition was due.

On the flip side - if she wants something from you, she can be very, very sweet and convincing. Runs an effective con.

FIL was a great guy, hard working, caring, very capable with anything mechanical/physical-work related - but very little education. 4th grade, IIRC.

[I'm a red panda]

SIL is visiting. Visit is going well. But we went to a winery and had drinks and pizza.  When we were done they asked us if we wanted a to go box. We said yes.  She laughed and said for two slices?". Um, hell yes. That's lunch!

[AlanStache]

SIL is visiting. Visit is going well. But we went to a winery and had drinks and pizza.  When we were done they asked us if we wanted a to go box. We said yes.  She laughed and said for two slices?". Um, hell yes. That's lunch!

?  how would someone not be all over some leftover pizza?  Cold day old pizza for breakfast is better than any omelet or pancakes - fact.  It is not even at the level of wasting food or thriftiness this is about taste and awesomeness and pizza.

[kayvent]

SIL is visiting. Visit is going well. But we went to a winery and had drinks and pizza.  When we were done they asked us if we wanted a to go box. We said yes.  She laughed and said for two slices?". Um, hell yes. That's lunch!

?  how would someone not be all over some leftover pizza?  Cold day old pizza for breakfast is better than any omelet or pancakes - fact.  It is not even at the level of wasting food or thriftiness this is about taste and awesomeness and pizza.

Cold pizza is sometimes better than when it was fresh ;)

[Just Joe]

Exactly. Most "Italian" food is better on Day 2. I'm not much for cold pizza but thankfully someone invented those microwave thingies...

[Sibley]

Just found out that my boyfriend's parents have kept his and his sister's crib all these years so that their grandchildren could use it one day. 28 years now.

If the cribs hadn't been destroyed I doubt they would have been used anyway. Safety standard and knowledge have changed a lot in that time and many things from back then are no longer considered acceptable. I certainly would not put my kid in a 30 year-old crib while I am happy to accept a gently used pack-n-play from friends.

You wouldn't believe the arguments it took to convince my mom to get rid of the highchair and the stroller. Luckily, the crib was given to someone a very long time ago.

[I'm a red panda]

SIL is visiting. Visit is going well. But we went to a winery and had drinks and pizza.  When we were done they asked us if we wanted a to go box. We said yes.  She laughed and said for two slices?". Um, hell yes. That's lunch!

?  how would someone not be all over some leftover pizza?  Cold day old pizza for breakfast is better than any omelet or pancakes - fact.  It is not even at the level of wasting food or thriftiness this is about taste and awesomeness and pizza.

I've since learned she doesn't eat leftovers, but also doesn't think you should take them home if you have less than half the meal.
Weird.

[Goldielocks]

But... lunch is a meal?

Maybe this is related to a weight loss thing.   Many people take the food home, then eat it that night, after all.  :-)

[I'm a red panda]

No,half the meal you are eating. So like half the pizza.  She said she understands some people think portions are too big, and split it to take home, but taking home a little bit you didn't finish is weird.

But she personally thinks reheating anything is gross. Good apparently should only be cooked once. She won't even do make ahead meals where you cook it freeze it and then reheat.

But she did eat a hot dog. I didn't tell her the factory precooked it...


But other than this my SIL is pretty cool and it was a great visit, and she's getting better at saving and non wasteful spending than 10 years ago.  She even took us up on the offer of airport snacks from home so she didn't have to but anything.

[Goldielocks]

But she personally thinks reheating anything is gross. Good apparently should only be cooked once. She won't even do make ahead meals where you cook it freeze it and then reheat.

Hmm.. sounds like my DH, although he doesn't say "gross" and eats what he gets, I can tell he thinks it.   
I have to really disguise something into new cooked food for him to think it is good the second time around (like putting roast beef into enchiladas).  But what's the point of that?  Leftovers should allow you to only cook 3-4 times a week, IMO.   

[Candace]

Does it seem to anyone else that the people who refuse to eat leftovers are usually not the people doing the cooking?