Relatives who just don't get it

[Ann]

You reused a basket? Yuk.

Wait.  What? 

Yeah.  We re-used the woven Easter egg baskets for egg hunts.  The candy, of course, was long since eaten.

What did you think I meant? 

[paddedhat]

Hoarding is an illness and really sad.  My wonderful MIL had this and when she died unexpectedly we had to get rid of stuff, etc.  That is usually what happens unless it is so bad the property gets condemned. Hers was not that bad so we were able to sell it once it was cleaned up.   Even if you emptied a home unless the underlying disorder is treated then they would just fill it back up.

We just lost two elderly residents of a nearby city. They called in to report an unidentifiable smell of smoke on the second floor of the home. The fire crews arrived promptly, but the place was an unnavigable hoarding disaster, and too full of smoke from the smoldering contents to find anybody inside. By the time the firefighters located the two victims, it was too late.

[Just Joe]

You reused a basket? Yuk. And no buying those personalised Easter cards for every person in your life just in case they don't understand the relationship (Happy Easter Mother; Happy Easter Girlfriend; Happy Easter Daughter)? That's before we even get to buying each family member's body weight in chocolate.

And make sure your baskets, cards and candy are the right brands...

[Dave1442397]

I'm heading to my local British candy store for some half-price Easter eggs on April 17th.

[kayvent]

My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!

Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question.

Last year, maybe the year prior, my daughter asked me how much she was getting for Easter.....I looked at her dumbfounded and explained that Easter is not a present giving holiday. Easter is the only holiday I observe. Apparently it is quite common for people to go shopping and buy presents and toys on top of the chocolate.

[Jesstache]

I don't like giving my kids tons of candy and they never eat half of it anyways so i try to get them something they will need.  For Easter this year it's swim suits, flip flops and beach towels... and a thing of egg shaped sidewalk chalk.  Throw in a couple of chocolate bunnies and I'm calling it good.  Two birds, one stone! 

[Playing with Fire UK]

You reused a basket? Yuk.

Wait.  What? 
Yeah.  We re-used the woven Easter egg baskets for egg hunts.  The candy, of course, was long since eaten.
What did you think I meant?

Sorry, sarcasm, British, genetic condition.

You are not yucky, you are great. People going shopping-crazy due to Easter marketing with money they don't have are the problem.

[Ann]

You reused a basket? Yuk.

Wait.  What? 
Yeah.  We re-used the woven Easter egg baskets for egg hunts.  The candy, of course, was long since eaten.
What did you think I meant?

Sorry, sarcasm, British, genetic condition.

You are not yucky, you are great. People going shopping-crazy due to Easter marketing with money they don't have are the problem.

No, my bad!  I hadn't gotten much sleep.   I re-read your post and it your true intent seemed much more obvious to me now. But on the bright side I learned how to post pictures!

[paddedhat]

Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

[Carless]

Speaking of easter trauma, one year my mother had a friend over for dinner, which was rabbit.  As we were eating, the guest leans over to (child) me, and says "maybe it's the easter bunny".

Try and guess about how well that went down.

[woopwoop]

My Easter shopping starts the day after Easter. Mmmm Reese's Eggs.

Heck yes! Day after shopping is the only shopping I enjoy... 75% off chocolate everything, mmmm mmmm. Did you know they have Twix chocolate eggs now? TWIX?! I fkin love Twix :D

[shelivesthedream]

My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!

Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question.

Last year, maybe the year prior, my daughter asked me how much she was getting for Easter.....I looked at her dumbfounded and explained that Easter is not a present giving holiday. Easter is the only holiday I observe. Apparently it is quite common for people to go shopping and buy presents and toys on top of the chocolate.

I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

[Linea_Norway]

I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

Most years I send my mother a nice flower bouquet. As a live in another country, I order it only and have it delivered at her house. She seems to appreciate this. At least the flowers are nice to look at, but won't fill up her house in the long run.

I personally prefer to receive things like a Kindle book or a bottle of wine. Those are items that will be appreciated and consumed and don't add up as clutter in the house. Not all my friends and family have understood this, though, and still give me stuff that I don't need. Especially my FIL who likes to give me paper books, while I have asked him several times to give me Kindle books instead.

[Abundant life]

"Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

I have two cards from my sons, one from 15 years ago, the other from about 10 years ago. I've kept them because that's all I've got that expresses any sort of sentiment from them. I'm not a useless gift sort of person and I have every material thing I need, but a bit of vocally expressed care would be much appreciated, and if they can't do that, a card would be a nice second.

[Paul der Krake]

I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

Could be worse. Some people have two mothers.

[Kitsune]

Oh, gawd, the push for 'easter baskets', filled with tiny crappy toys that you just KNOW have sharp corners and are going to stay on the floor and be stepped on by parents at 1am, no doubt (*grumble, grumble*)

No. Nonono. No.

I think we might wind up spending 50$ total for Easter this year... 10$ for chocolate eggs for a property-wide egg hunt for the kids, 10$ for decorating supplies (aka: mostly craft supplies for the kids to have fun with in the prior month... garlands? Tissue paper eggs hung in the windows like stained glass? Bring it on, sure, have fun!), and ingredients for an extended family brunch. It's what we did last year, it was super fun, everyone loved it, and no one had to actually keep or store anything afterwards.

This whole 'turn every holiday into a present-giving holiday' thing is nonsense. I don't WANT my kids receiving 10$ items to forget to put away every few weeks. High-quality open-the-imagination toys at Christmas and birthdays, sure, but not 15 different things every year! (That said, if you give my kids clutter, at least give me wine so I can deal with it appropriately! ;) )

[starjay]

Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

I just cackled. I love this!

One of my uncles introduced the concept of Repo Elves when I was a kid; if you were rotten in the week(s) following Christmas, they'd take your gifts back. I still think this is brilliant on his part.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

I just cackled. I love this!

One of my uncles introduced the concept of Repo Elves when I was a kid; if you were rotten in the week(s) following Christmas, they'd take your gifts back. I still think this is brilliant on his part.

With the Elf on the Shelf providing surveillance?

[starjay]

Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

I just cackled. I love this!

One of my uncles introduced the concept of Repo Elves when I was a kid; if you were rotten in the week(s) following Christmas, they'd take your gifts back. I still think this is brilliant on his part.

With the Elf on the Shelf providing surveillance?

Ha! I forgot about the Elf on the Shelf.  He'd totally help the Repo Elves know when to come take the toys back, I'm sure. Wait, is he even around after Christmas? I don't know how he's supposed to work; I just see ridiculous photos posted by friends on social media around the holidays.

[ms]

And frankly: my parents habit of completely and utterly disregarding any boundaries or necessary respect for people who are financially dependant on them is why I, at 22, made the choice to live on 20$/week of groceries, and put THAT on a credit card and pay credit card interest rates for 6 months until I could afford it, rather than ask my parents (who were bringing in a half-million a year) for a few hundred dollars to get me through. Sometimes, 20% interest is cheaper than the bullshit you'll have to swallow if you don't pay it. I love my parents, but man, never again will I be in that position.

I have also learned in my early 20s that it's cheaper to pay for a cash advance on a credit card than to deal with the bs from my parents. An excellent lesson.

[Just Joe]

And frankly: my parents habit of completely and utterly disregarding any boundaries or necessary respect for people who are financially dependant on them is why I, at 22, made the choice to live on 20$/week of groceries, and put THAT on a credit card and pay credit card interest rates for 6 months until I could afford it, rather than ask my parents (who were bringing in a half-million a year) for a few hundred dollars to get me through. Sometimes, 20% interest is cheaper than the bullshit you'll have to swallow if you don't pay it. I love my parents, but man, never again will I be in that position.

I have also learned in my early 20s that it's cheaper to pay for a cash advance on a credit card than to deal with the bs from my parents. An excellent lesson.

Absolutely. Avoid hearing about a tiny loan for the next 20 years! I can get enough of the "alternative family history" in casual conversation. Also don't need anyone going around telling folks we had hit a tough patch and needed any help. 

[Cassie]

Now that we are older we buy ourselves something if we want it. Our kids give us gift cards to restaurants, movies etc which is very nice. I used to do the same for my Mom or send her good chocolate or flowers. NOthing accumulates and we can enjoy the goodies or experiences.  For Easter I always bought my kids good quality chocolate and not a ton of it and then a small gift of something they wanted which was not junk.

[recklesslysober]

I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

This is everything I hate about gift giving.

I thought I had finally convinced the spouse's family to go with consumables if they feel like they have to give something (chocolate, wine, etc. - can always use that!) but alas, it didn't stick.

[MgoSam]

I'm glad in a way that my family doesn't really give gifts. On my birthday I get a call from my parents and siblings and that's about it!

[Just Joe]

I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

[Vindicated]

I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

+1000

I hate cards.  Greeting cards, Birthday cards, Valentines cards, Christmas cards, cards of all kinds.  We set them on the mantel, they collect dust, then we throw them away.  They provide nothing (unless there is a bit of green inside), but that's not necessary, of course.  I just feel bad throwing them away, but I don't want them cluttering up our living space.

I've even begun telling my parents to stop giving my Son cards for EVERY HOLIDAY.  It's absurd.  He's received three identical Valentine's cards.  Two from my parents (one each of the past two years), and one from my MIL.  THE SAME EXACT CARD.  He doesn't even know what they are.  He's a 2 y/o.  Just throw that $3 into his 529.  He'll love you just as much whether you give him a card or not.

If you have to do it, at least take the time to write something nice and meaningful inside.  When we sent Thank You cards after our wedding, we spent the time to write a few paragraphs in each card to show that we put effort into them.  We received a lot of comments/texts that the guests really enjoyed our notes.  I hope they threw them away afterwards though.

[Cookie78]

I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

+1000

I hate cards.  Greeting cards, Birthday cards, Valentines cards, Christmas cards, cards of all kinds.  We set them on the mantel, they collect dust, then we throw them away.  They provide nothing (unless there is a bit of green inside), but that's not necessary, of course.  I just feel bad throwing them away, but I don't want them cluttering up our living space.

I've even begun telling my parents to stop giving my Son cards for EVERY HOLIDAY.  It's absurd.  He's received three identical Valentine's cards.  Two from my parents (one each of the past two years), and one from my MIL.  THE SAME EXACT CARD.  He doesn't even know what they are.  He's a 2 y/o.  Just throw that $3 into his 529.  He'll love you just as much whether you give him a card or not.

If you have to do it, at least take the time to write something nice and meaningful inside.  When we sent Thank You cards after our wedding, we spent the time to write a few paragraphs in each card to show that we put effort into them.  We received a lot of comments/texts that the guests really enjoyed our notes.  I hope they threw them away afterwards though.

I also hate cards. Every now and then I'll make homemade ones if I need to, but I refuse to buy them!!

I did get one random congratulations card from a friend (for my FIRE plans) and that was meaningful, but I think only because it was thoughtful and random, not for a usual card giving holiday.

[AlanStache]

I got a "thinking of you" gift from a relative in the mail yesterday.  They are older, have minimal savings and have deeply subsidized rent.  The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

[jinga nation]

I got a "thinking of you" gift from a relative in the mail yesterday.  They are older, have minimal savings and have deeply subsidized rent.  The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

Go pound sand?

[Linea_Norway]

I got a "thinking of you" gift from a relative in the mail yesterday.  They are older, have minimal savings and have deeply subsidized rent.  The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

I once gave such a bag of sand to my 5 year old nephew to play with. Maybe you could do the same?

[andreamac]

So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

[SwordGuy]

The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

Depending on the type of sand, I would use it to make molds to cast molten bronze or silver into.

[ambimammular]

So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

Our extended family (both sides, lord help em) is always trying to get us to borrow the camper for a weekend. I think they realize that the thing is spending most of its time parked in the side yard, and they're trying to justify owning it.

[Goldielocks]

So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

Our extended family (both sides, lord help em) is always trying to get us to borrow the camper for a weekend. I think they realize that the thing is spending most of its time parked in the side yard, and they're trying to justify owning it.

We used to get the same thing about using the in-laws cabin.   It wasn't in an area we would normally take short vacations in, and after trying it once, I realized that one full day of house work + cooking and dishes for my family all weekend + half day travel each way did not make for a nice 4 day weekend.  at all.

[paddedhat]

So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

We are heading toward the end of our second decade of serious RVing, as in four road trips to AK. from PA. and spending at least 50-60% of the last three years living out of our motorhome.  One huge change in that time is the current prevalence of younger couples who have simply lost their minds when it comes to rational decision making. It's nothing to go to a large campground, on a holiday weekend, and see dozens of young families with new $50-70K four door pickups and new $30-40K travel trailers. WTF?  The truck will be worth 1/3 of that when it's seven years old, the trailer will be lucky to bring a 1/4. They end up using the truck as one of their commuter vehicles,  with 15 MPG economy, $250 tires, and a $7-800 monthly payment. The trailer MIGHT get used 6-7 times a summer. A huge percentage of these fools then have to pay $100+ a month to store the trailer away from home since they either do not have the room, or the local HOA and municipal rules prevent it. I'm sure that for many, this stupidity costs $10K+ a year in depreciation alone.

Oddly enough we recently stumbled into a group that had booked dozens of campsites at a rural state park. They were all of from the same church and each had a large family, typically at least five kids. Without exception they all drove large vans with seating for the whole clan. Many of the vans were purchased used from a dealer who specializes in these things. As for RVs, many had older pop-up style camping trailers, and others had tents. Not a single stupid Brodozer $70K truck, or  gaudy $40K travel trailer in the pack. Oddly enough, everybody looked like they were having a great time.

[iris lily]

I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

Yes to this. Cards, ugh. Unless they are made by a tiny human, then I like them.  Kid cards are nice.

Well, actually, my sister in law makes some lovely cards that I enjoy receiving.she does not write anything inside so that the the card can be re-used. This is a win-win, I get a card to use in the future where I will write my own sentiment and I don't have to read some treacle-y thing from a Hallmark hack.

[Just Joe]

Oh absolutely - if the card was handmade then some real thought and time went into it. If a child was involved then yeah - absolutely good stuff.

Sometimes a store bought card will feel like a handshake instead of a hug. Maybe we're doing it wrong. ;)

[Vindicated]

Sometimes a store bought card will feel like a handshake instead of a hug. Maybe we're doing it wrong. ;)

+1  Great quote

[andreamac]

So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

We are heading toward the end of our second decade of serious RVing, as in four road trips to AK. from PA. and spending at least 50-60% of the last three years living out of our motorhome.  One huge change in that time is the current prevalence of younger couples who have simply lost their minds when it comes to rational decision making. It's nothing to go to a large campground, on a holiday weekend, and see dozens of young families with new $50-70K four door pickups and new $30-40K travel trailers. WTF?  The truck will be worth 1/3 of that when it's seven years old, the trailer will be lucky to bring a 1/4. They end up using the truck as one of their commuter vehicles,  with 15 MPG economy, $250 tires, and a $7-800 monthly payment. The trailer MIGHT get used 6-7 times a summer. A huge percentage of these fools then have to pay $100+ a month to store the trailer away from home since they either do not have the room, or the local HOA and municipal rules prevent it. I'm sure that for many, this stupidity costs $10K+ a year in depreciation alone.

Oddly enough we recently stumbled into a group that had booked dozens of campsites at a rural state park. They were all of from the same church and each had a large family, typically at least five kids. Without exception they all drove large vans with seating for the whole clan. Many of the vans were purchased used from a dealer who specializes in these things. As for RVs, many had older pop-up style camping trailers, and others had tents. Not a single stupid Brodozer $70K truck, or  gaudy $40K travel trailer in the pack. Oddly enough, everybody looked like they were having a great time.

So true! We live in Canada and RV season is about 4 months at most. Both my sisters have to store their RVs since they can't park them at their houses. Its such a waste of money. I would prefer to rent a large cottage once a season to spend extended family time together like we used to do which was much more reasonable and fun! Totally makes sense when you are spending more than half your time in an RV.

[Maverick44]

My apologies for the long post. I'm here to rant about my brother and possibly get some advice:

I love him dearly and he has a great personality, BUT he is the kind of guy who could trip and fall into a pile of money so he never feels the consequences of the stupid choices that he makes.  A little background on him.  When he was in highschool (ref: he just turned 29), he was caught doing drugs and skipping school.  My mom worked with the teachers and principal to get him to do extra work and some community service so he could still graduate (for skipping, not because he had bad grades). He then gets into college and fails out due to drinking/drugs/never going to class, but since the loan taken out for the entire $45K school year was in my father's name and my dad has early onset Alzheimer's, it was forgiven after several years where my parents made the payments.  They also paid the $5K in taxes that were due for this 'income' of having the loan forgiven. My parents couldn't really afford this because of previously mentioned diagnosis as my dad was the main bread winner and my parents had/have bad spending habits of their own.

He stayed at home and worked on and off until he decided to join the military (His GF forced him to clean himself up thankfully).  Shortly before he went into service, he got a DUI, but the judge let him off with a few hours of community service and expunged it from his record so that he could still go into the military.  He earned an associates in Chinese and worked as a cryptolinguist in the Air force for 4 years. 

Everything seemed to be going well until his enlistment is up and he decided not to continue in the A.F..  He got a contracting job doing something similar to what he was doing previously; making ~$70K.  Well... new job meant that he had to get a new(financed) SUV, right? After less than a year he decided that he didn't like the new job as much and quits with ZERO plan. Luckily he had saved up some $ and was able to live for 9 months on his savings until he hit the bottom of that mid last year (He was not working AT ALL and said he was looking for 'any' job, but that they just weren't there). Since he blew through his savings, he has been driving for uber to get by and also using my mom as his personal bank.  He has "borrowed" over $12K from her and continues to ask her for money... He says he will pay her back, but no one believes this will actually happen.

This infuriates me to no end. My parents are NOT in a good financial state.  My father's current medical expenses are more than my mom makes. Luckily she has state funding for this until he turn 65... Next year. I have been trying to get her to save for this and make a plan, but it's hard when my brother keeps using my mom to pay his (and his GF's) rent!!

Meanwhile, I am getting married this August and my mom broke down to me and cried that she wants to be able to give me something for my wedding, but that my brother has taken all of her $.  I don't even want her to pay for anything for the wedding. I just want her to save her damned $, but I feel bad that she can't do what she wants with her own money due to his selfish/lazy attitude. Her friends and I have finally convinced her to cut him off.  It has been about 2 weeks so we will see if he is actually having the reality check that he needs.

I have tried having talks with him about this in the past, but he always shuts down and then won't talk to me for months on end. He does this with everyone.  I am thinking of going down there (he is about 5 hrs away) and staying for a weekend so that he will have to speak to me about this. (Although, honestly it will take a lot for me to hold back from just face punching him because he is smarter than all of this b.s. or at least he should be) Thoughts? Advice?

[merula]

My apologies for the long post. I'm here to rant about my brother and possibly get some advice:

[story about a horrible leech of a brother]

I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you. The only advice I have is to remember that you can only control your own actions. You can't force your brother to be anything other than the slimy leech devoid of all humanity that he currently is. You can't force your mom to treat him like a leech rather than a needy son.

If your mom is truly on board with treating him like the leech he is, you can help her with that. You can help her write up an agreement for how your brother will pay her back. (It may not ever change anything, but it'd probably help her feel better and help with the next step.) You can help her rewrite their will so that your brother's debts to your parents are taken into account if the worst were to happen. You can also see if you can get some sort of custodianship over your father's finances and care if anything were to happen to your mom. I'm sure neither of you wants to see your vulnerable dad manipulated by the leech if your mom weren't there to stand in his way.

[former player]

Your mum has a husband with Alzheimer's and a son who is a mooch: you and she need to support each other.  If you can, give her the support she needs to keep your brother cut off from her money.  This should be doable: her priority for the rest of your father's life needs to be the health and care support he needs.

I'm not sure you need to go down there to talk to your brother at the moment: what is there to say now he's been cut off?  Perhaps if he starts trying to bully your mother over money you need to go down there?  But see whether being cut off "takes" first.

Your brother has obviously got brains and seems to have done OK in the military: being cut off may be the incentive he needs to make a go of something else now.

I'm sorry you have a hard row to hoe.  I hope your fiancé is being supportive and that you have a great wedding.

[onehair]

Under the Utter Gall file: My aunt had the nerve to contact my mother and ask for financial help.  My mom turned her down flat and stated that due to her behavior and mistreating my mom and late grandmom she no longer considers herself to have a brother and sister and hung up.

[Goldielocks]

Onehair - your posts are so often like inverse cliff hangers, so I have pulled a relevant quote from earlier, that frames some of the background.  I hope you don't mind...

Latest update on my awful aunt and uncle:

My mom went over to Grandma's house to discuss for the umpteenth time my aunt and uncle taking over the house so my mom can stop paying the bills.  My uncle who was evicted has not surprisingly been staying with my aunt in the house.  I don't know how long he has been there.  During my mother's visit he didn't even condescend to come out of his room.

My aunt peppered my mom with useless questions and claims of her ongoing sickness and anemia which is why she cannot get even a part time job.  My uncle isn't working either and if he has any income I am not aware of it.  My mom suggested she surrender her storage unit and reduce her cable choices to free up money this was met with more yet more excuses and blank stares. 

My mom is finally fed up and has decided to go see a lawyer on April 1st to see about selling the house.  She is past exasperated with them.

And a more recent update from this year 2017:

An update on my awful aunt and uncle: As you all know my mom has officially cut economic support to my aunt and uncle.  Now they've taken to calling her from odd numbers and Skypeing which she refuses to answer.  According to her they may have sent someone to the house to intimidate her into helping them financially again. So now they're using a sister of my deceased grandfather(known as GrandAunt D*** to us) to call her continually under the pretext of asking about her health and my nephew of course along the course of the conversation it turns to her helping my aunt and uncle out.  Now my mom is refusing to take the grandaunt's calls as well.

[Sydneystache]

In-laws stayed with us for a week and spent a couple of days with BIL (the one with the spa).

Boy, did they come back with a bitchfest. BIL's situation is worse than I thought.

He LEASES his cool, twin door, stainless steel fridge with water dispenser. I have a 20 year old white fridge with cracked plastic shelves.

His car (which he uses for work) is on the point of being repossessed with people knocking on their door. Even DH disagrees with this type of situation his brother has gotten himself into. His partner's car (the Craptiva) is up for sale. What is worse is his parents gave him money which they thought would pay his divorce from his ex of 5 years. The money went into his car's tyres and rims. They are not planning to bail him out again. Their son ain't going to be divorcing and he's milking the situation fwiw.

Xmas is going to be interesting, we are supposed to have a get together at our beach shack but we are not expecting BIL to turn up. His parents are sick of his immaturity (he's 42) and said if he doesn't turn up we'll have a good Xmas without his associated issues (bitching about custody, ex etc). Even his father is chiding his son about what a mess he has made of his life, and he's making pointed remarks to DH to not be like him ie all wants, and not needs. I mentioned about the expensive bike DH paid and FIL said, did he pay $100 for it to sell to DH for a mark up?

For once, I am not the lone voice in the wilderness. His parents can't figure out whether BIL is doing this to show it off to them the big success he is or he is afraid of losing it or like a peacock this is to keep his current mate? The spa was a birthday present for his mate.

He earns 6 figures so to ask his parents for money (who live in a rural area and earning $20/hour at most) is pretty tragic. Pathetic really.

[Gone_Hiking]

My MIL wants a vacation.

As in, my DH and I will organize it, finance it, and she will come along.  Afterwards, she will criticize the choice of vacation rental.

MIL is retired and widowed now, living on the Atlantic coast and, thanks to a track record of bad planning and bad luck going all the way to 1970s, still paying mortgage on her house, bought 50 years ago.  She can't afford to live alone - her sister, who thankfully has sizable retirement investments, moved in a few years ago, after her own husband died.  We also send her a few hundred dollars every month and buy two round-trip tickets for her to visit us every year.

Now she wants to go to Grand Canyon.  And walk on that glass bridge over the canyon.  The thing is, I went through a layoff a few months ago, found a new job quickly, but with a sizable pay cut - and now, a vacation with MIL is simply not in the budget.  MIL doesn't seem to get it - why would anyone want to be able to retire before 60?  What will you do, she asks.

[Linea_Norway]

As mentioned in the investor's forum, my FIL thinks that banks can do a much better job at investingthan a normal person could do. Even if the bank is also investing into index funds.

[mtn]

My MIL wants a vacation.

As in, my DH and I will organize it, finance it, and she will come along.  Afterwards, she will criticize the choice of vacation rental.

MIL is retired and widowed now, living on the Atlantic coast and, thanks to a track record of bad planning and bad luck going all the way to 1970s, still paying mortgage on her house, bought 50 years ago.  She can't afford to live alone - her sister, who thankfully has sizable retirement investments, moved in a few years ago, after her own husband died.  We also send her a few hundred dollars every month and buy two round-trip tickets for her to visit us every year.

Now she wants to go to Grand Canyon.  And walk on that glass bridge over the canyon.  The thing is, I went through a layoff a few months ago, found a new job quickly, but with a sizable pay cut - and now, a vacation with MIL is simply not in the budget.  MIL doesn't seem to get it - why would anyone want to be able to retire before 60?  What will you do, she asks.

Tell her you'll take her to the Grand Canyon when you retire--if it is in the budget.

[onehair]

I don't mind Goldielocks.  I still can't believe that pair still expects my mom to pay the bills for them.  Turns out the water was cut off at the house and they wanted my mom to to pay it to get it turned back on.  My aunt has allegedly applied for Social Security but since she lies I will believe when I see a statement with her name on it. 

[zolotiyeruki]

My MIL wants a vacation.

As in, my DH and I will organize it, finance it, and she will come along.  Afterwards, she will criticize the choice of vacation rental.

MIL is retired and widowed now, living on the Atlantic coast and, thanks to a track record of bad planning and bad luck going all the way to 1970s, still paying mortgage on her house, bought 50 years ago.  She can't afford to live alone - her sister, who thankfully has sizable retirement investments, moved in a few years ago, after her own husband died.  We also send her a few hundred dollars every month and buy two round-trip tickets for her to visit us every year.

Now she wants to go to Grand Canyon.  And walk on that glass bridge over the canyon.  The thing is, I went through a layoff a few months ago, found a new job quickly, but with a sizable pay cut - and now, a vacation with MIL is simply not in the budget.  MIL doesn't seem to get it - why would anyone want to be able to retire before 60?  What will you do, she asks.

Tell her you'll take her to the Grand Canyon when you retire--if it is in the budget.

Ha, I love it!