OP, I'm offering a contrarian view and you are not going to find it sympathetic or agreeing with the majority opinion here. Please read up on Pygmalion Effect. I would first recommend that you consider doing counseling just on your own first, rather than drag your SO along for everything. Short version of it is that to me it seems like your SO is purposefully, and perhaps somewhat passive aggressively trying to fend off what he perceives as your controlling tendencies. Harsh as it sounds, there are only two possibilities: a) you become aware of this pathology, and be mindful in conversations and actions so that the other individual does not feel controlled, and b) agree to disagree and go separate ways, but hope you figure out along the way what could potentially become a repetitive pattern.
One exercise that works really well for the mother hen personalities (your word, not mine) is to remind yourself that people have the right to depart from the "best" or "most-optimal" solution, and you are going to have to respect that. So in your situation I'd release the pedal on doing the "I'm figuring out what's best for us" thing and see for a while on how it plays out, if you do want to continue pursuing this relationship. And also, get some boundaries in place both ways, even if it means living in separate houses for a while. There's also a tendency amongst many people to develop a dangerous blind-spot to one's own annoying habits and personalities, and sadly, this forum tends to encourage that sort of lack of questioning the self sometimes. So develop a healthy level of skepticism about your own mind, and try and challenge yourself when you feel compelled that one solution or one thing to do is the best possible outcome regardless of what other people may think.
Apologies this touches a raw nerve, but this just fits the many types of relationships described by Prof. John Gottman who studies psychology (which I consider a "soft" science) with game theory (which I consider a "hard" science), and I, no expert on any of these, feel that once the problem is recognized early enough, the situation can be salvaged if you and your SO are motivated enough. Highly recommend John Gottman's books also.